Wishes Come True

JAMAL'S POINT OF VIEW.

Being in New Jersey at this time of the year, or any time of the year, or better yet, being in New Jersey at all, ever, was not in my life plan.

I hated New Jersey when my mom and I first moved here, and not just anywhere, but in the worst part of it, in the ghettos, not that before we lived in a better side of another city because she liked drugs and she never could hold a job longer than a few weeks, so, we were always poor, but at least in California was warm.

Anyway, I hated it until I met him, then, I loved it and wouldn't have traded it for any luxurious, warm island in the entire world.

I met him two days after we moved, I was coming home from school, and two guys picked on me. They were much bigger than me, and they pushed me around and ripped my only jacket, which was not very warm as it was, but it was better than nothing.

I was on the ground when I first heard his voice, yelling at the guys to leave me alone, and when I looked back, I saw the most beautiful boy I have ever seen in my life.

My fast heartbeats that were almost cracking my ribs from fear started racing even faster, but now it had nothing to do with fear.

And that was the moment when I realized that I'm gay.

He was exactly the opposite of me, tall, about 5 ft 10, when I was barely 5 ft 5, his light brown hair with natural dirty blond highlights was in beautiful waves that were reaching his shoulders, while my hair was jet black, not Afro-textured because my dad was white and my mom was just half black, and not curly, but straight, short on the sides, and just a bit longer on top, his skin was white and flawless, while mine is, as he used to put it, a sandy complexion, smooth, and just a tad tawny, and as he came closer, I instantly fell in love with the most mesmerizing baby blue eyes I have ever seen.

I was so enchanted that I didn't even realize that I'm still on the ground, I wasn't even cold anymore, I was... floating, unable to take my eyes off of him.

I remember how he smiled at me soothingly and extended his hand for me to take it, which was big in comparison to mine, and it took me a few to recover and take it, then, with a gentle but firm grip, he pulled me off the ground and guided me so I would be hidden behind him while he and his best friend took care of the bullies.

"Are you hurt?" I remember him asking with worried eyes while looking at me from head to toe, looking for injuries, and if I wouldn't have had a darker skin tone, I'm sure that I would have been fire red.

I couldn't talk, I couldn't answer, so I just extended my hands and showed him my wounded palms, which he took and examined, then, with a gentle smile he looked back into my dark brown eyes.

"We'll fix that, but first, take your jacket off. It's wet and ripped." He demanded in a soft voice, and I shook my head.

"I.it's f.f.fine..." I stuttered like a small child, and, as I felt again that hot wave washing through me, I looked away, afraid that he might see that I like him.

"Sweet. But give me the jacket." My heart skipped beats and flipped inside my chest for the first time in my life when he called me sweet, and I remember that my stomach literally turned upside down, giving me the impression that I'll throw up from giddiness, and of course, it's useless to say that I couldn't answer, my voice was lost, so I just shook my head.

I was ashamed to tell him that I don't have another one, and I didn't even want to think about what mom will do to me when she'll see it, but at the time, nothing else mattered.

"Ok, then. I guess I'll have to take it myself." When I heard that, my head snapped at him, but before I got the chance to say anything, he was unzipping it, then wrapped me in his red jacket, which he most probably took off when I was looking at my worn, ripped, shoes as if they were the most interesting thing in the world.

I wanted to protest, but before I got to open my mouth, he talked.

"It looks better on you." His voice was smooth, and even if he was 14, it was deep, and because of it, I experienced the first shivers that turned my skin into goosebumps.

The jacket reached my mid-thighs, and it covered more than half of my hands, leaving outside only a small part of my fingers, I knew that I look ridiculous, but I felt good, and the scent of fresh detergent that smelled like earth smells after the rain, made me feel safe, and that was another feeling that I never felt before, but God knows that I wanted never to end.

"N.no... It d.d.doesn't..." I stuttered again, and I'm certain that he thought that I have a speech impediment.

"What do you say, Dee? Who's right?" He asked his best friend, Deshawn, who later became my best friend also, and who ended up to be my worst enemy.

"He looks hilarious but sweet." My fake best friend answered with a huge smile, which at the time seemed genuine, and I hid my face in the jacket so they wouldn't see my enormous smile.

"Tris, I think he likes you."My breath stopped altogether with my heart, and I looked up at him, afraid that he'll bully me or get angry at me, but he just smiled sweetly.

"I wish, but he doesn't. He's probably just shy. Aren't you, Bambi?"Hearing him say I wish, made my heart beat so hard that I really thought I'll faint, and God is my witness that I really melted at that nickname.

"B.b.b.bambi?"I asked while looking in his baby blue eyes which were looking at me with endearment, or so I thought then.

"Yes. You have big brown eyes, just like Bambi, and you look like a deer in front of a bus right now."He said with the same smile on his beautiful face that reached his baby blue eyes, making them shine even brighter, and his best friend chuckled but agreed with him.

Anyway... we got together in less than a week at Ma's dinner, and I froze when he told me that he likes me, and when he asked if I like him back, I just nodded, then, when he leaned to kiss me, he saw that I wasn't breathing, but he reassured me in his smooth and soothing voice, and with his gentle smile that, as always, reached those baby blue eyes that made my heart skip beat after beat after beat.

"It's ok, Bambi... this is my first kiss as well, but we'll learn together, ok?"I believed him then, but after I saw his true colors, I realized that it was all an act, a four-year-long act that almost cost me my future.

Why did he do it? I'm still trying to find the answer, I have a few ideas, I had 10 years to think about everything over and over again, and one would be that he wanted to make Dee jealous because Dee probably saw him as a friend at the time, and he was straight, or so he said... the idea is that I was just someone to pass the time with, someone that he used until he got his true love, until he got Dee.

I shake my head to get rid of the memories that wouldn't go away no matter what I did, and I curse myself for hurting even now, but being here, in the same town as they are, makes it very hard to push away those terrible memories.

I left New Jersey 10 years ago after I saw them half-naked in bed, making out, Dee kissing his neck, and him... he was holding on Dee's hips so hard as if he was afraid that someone will take him away... and they didn't even pull apart when I caught them, he didn't even pretend to be sorry... they didn't even look at me...

I remember how my world shattered, how tears rolled down my cheeks instantly and felt like hot, painful, lava that burned everything in their path, the air was not knocked out from my lungs, it was sucked by the pain that I never thought it's possible to feel.

The sounds of my broken and desperate voice still echo through my head, the pain in it still hurts, and their reaction still cuts through my broken heart like a hot knife through butter.

"Tris... ple..ase, I'm b.begging you... look.. at me." I tried, but I was met with painful silence that only fueled the desperation and hurt inside of me.

"Tris, I'll do anything, I swear! Just don't leave me, Tris! Baby... please!" I begged again and again, but it was in vain, and as my hope that they'll pull apart, that Tris will take me in his big arms and kiss my tears and pain away, diminished, my voice got even more broken, the sobs barely allowed me to talk, I don't even know if he understood everything I said, but he heard my excruciating pain... everyone would have heard it.

"Tell me what I did wrong... I promise I won't do it again... Or... or... if you don't like me... I can change... I'll change, baby... I swear... or... or... or... if you want... to experiment with... someone else... I can accept... it... just tell me what... to do... just... don't leave me, Tris..." I begged as I started walking towards them so they could see how much it hurts me... maybe they would take pity on me and stop, pull apart... I didn't care about pride, all I wanted was for him to love me.

"Do you hear yourself? You're pathetic." His cold voice and deadly words froze the small pieces that my heart broke into, and killed a part of me, took my strengths away, my knees buckled painfully, and I fell to the ground like a broken shell of a human that I was slowly turning into.

"PULL APART!!!" The scream of pain that I released echoed the small room, but it's like they didn't hear it because they didn't even move.

Seeing that I have no chance with him, in my desperation I tried to convince Dee to listen to me.

"Dee... please don't take him away from me. I'm begging you, Dee... he's my world... you know that... please... don't, Dee... don't... please look at me, Dee... you're my best friend... my brother... brothers don't... do this... it hurts... Dee... don't take my world away..." I begged and begged between broken sobs and hot tears of utter pain, but he didn't listen to me either, he didn't even reply.

"I don't... understand, Tris... you said... you said you love me..." I tried to talk a little clearer so he could understand me, but I regretted it when he killed me with his answer.

"And I lied." I think that this was the moment when every single fiber of my being was destroyed, then, to make it worse, he whispered something to Dee as if I was a stranger that he had to hide from.

"What did... you say?" I tried... God... I tried to become a part of them again, but they wouldn't let me no matter how much I begged...

"Jamal, go away. I waited way too long for this so you would ruin it. Take a hint and leave." And that was what broke me beyond repair. It was for the first time when he called me anything other than Bambi when we were alone, and his voice was like a woodchopper that turned on inside of me and ripped all of me into pieces, and no matter how hard I tried, and I'm still trying, I can't fix myself, and I hate him for that, I hate Dee, but mostly, I hate myself for not seeing that coming, for allowing me to make him my Universe.

So, I decided to accept the scholarship that Harvard offered me, a scholarship that I was about to turn down just to stay with him, and I avoided coming back here with all costs, but, now, my assistant and best friend, -who is filthy rich and is coming from some royalty, and who ended up working for me because he wanted to rebel against his parents by taking a job, and so we met-, is at some family gathering, with duchesses and lords, which are aunts and uncles of his, and I had to come and take care of a contract that I would have refused if it wasn't so important, but it's a really big contract, and I decided that even though my past haunts me day and night, I won't let it dictate my future.

The ring of my phone brings me out of my daily nightmare, and I swallow the lump that's always in my throat, but which becomes bigger when I think of those details, take a few breaths and close my eyes, which, against my wishes, are tearing, push the painful tears away, that, even though I hate to admit it, they would have fallen if not for my phone ringing, clear my throat so my voice wouldn't come as I feel, broken and in pain, then answer without looking who's calling because any distraction is a very welcomed one right now.

JAMAL'S POINT OF VIEW

"Jamal Jones, w--"

"You're depressed again, aren't you?" Addison, or Addis, how I call my best friend and assistant, interrupts my greeting.

"No, I'm not." I deny it, I don't know why, maybe because I'm trying to convince myself that I'm ok, or that this time, the excruciating memories didn't cause me so much pain as they did the last time, but what can change in a few hours?

"You answered your phone without looking who's calling, so, you're depressed." He states, making a point, and a valid one because I usually look before I answer any calls.

"How is the family gathering?" I try to put the spotlights on him, even though I don't think it will work.

"Jamie, darling, don't you try this reverse psychological thing on me. It's not working." I sigh hard, not knowing what to say, and not wanting to talk about it.

"I'll be fine as soon as I go from this... Hell of a city."

"I was thinking about that, and I want to talk to you, but please hear me out until the end before you get all crazy, ok?" His voice is pleading, and that worries me right now.

"I don't like the sound of that. I don't wan--"

"Jamie, please, for me. Just listen." He pleads with a worried voice, and I roll my eyes in defeat even though he can't see me.

"Fine, but I don't pro--"

"Perfect." He interrupts me, making me chuckle.

"So, as I was saying, I was thinking about your... predicament, and I think it would be for the best to seek him out and talk to hi--"

"Nope! No! No! No! I don't even want to think about--"

"You promised you'll listen, so listen!" He demands in a firm voice that I don't accept from anybody else, and which makes me cave.

I mean, I can listen. I won't do it even if someone puts a gun to my head and threaten to pull the trigger, but I will listen.

"Fine. Go on, tell me your terrible idea." I say in a sarcastic voice, making him scoff.

Sometimes I regret telling him, like right now, but it wasn't much of a choice at the time. It was three years ago on the date when I found them together, and as usual, I got drunk out of my ass, and when I was balling my eyes out, Addis happened to come to my place because I didn't answer the phone and he had to give me some papers, and being drunk, I told him everything. Well, as much as I could considering the fact that I passed out, but he forced everything out of me the second day.

"It's not terrible, actually I think that it's the best idea I ever came up with. You need closure, Jamie, you need to heal, and only by talking to him you will get it." He tries to explain in a pleading voice, but I don't even consider it. Not for a fucking millisecond.

"I got my closure when I saw them together, I don't need more, and I'm healing just fine. Yes, I have days when I get a bit depressed, but not all the time, and I'm seeing people. It will pass, I just need a little more time." I reply, not believing one word, but wanting to from the bottom of my shattered heart.

"Ok, I think it's time to be brutally honest with you. Your one-night stands don't count as seeing people, and besides that, I don't know how the guy looks, but from what you've told me, don't think that I didn't notice that every guy matches his description, and if they don't have the right skin tone, or the right hair color, height, or eyes, you don't even give them a shot to introduce themselves. It's been 10 years, and you're not even close to getting over him, you still call his name in your sleep, for God's sake!" He snaps, and I want to say that it's not true, that it was just a coincidence that they all looked like him, or that I don't call his name in my sleep, but we both know that I would be lying because he heard me a couple of times when we watched movies and I fell asleep.

But I still won't seek him out.

"Ok, maybe you're right--" And I'm interrupted by his loud, exaggerated scoff, which forces me to admit defeat.

"Fine! You're right! Happy?" I snap, and I can swear that I can see him beaming.

"Over the moon. So?"

"I won't seek him out. What if they are together? I can't see them, I can't... I don't know what I'll do if... and I can't... please, Addis... no." I finish the pleading session with tears in my eyes, and with that familiar excruciating pain that rips me apart.

"Jamie... God... I've never been in love, but I can see and hear that you're suffering... but, Jamie, you need to do something, anything that will help you heal. At least a little bit..." He pleads in a sympathetic voice, and I let myself fall on the bed, looking up at the ceiling, cursing the day I met him, while the tears that I struggled to keep from falling are now painfully rolling down my temples.

"I'll try dating. For real this time... but I can see them, neither of them. I hate them too much to face them... and I'll be better once I come back home. And who knows? Maybe Santa will come this year and give me someone that will truly love me, and who will be able to fix me..." I trail off with hope in my broken, pained, soul, but my mind is filled with disbelief.

"I hope so. I never wrote Santa a letter, but I swear that once we end the call I'll find a pen and a paper and write him one." He says in a very determined tone of voice, and I chuckle, knowing that he'll do it.

"Thank you, Addis. I gotta go now because I still have a few things to pack, and I can' wait to get the fuck out of here." I say, relieved that I'm leaving, and wanting to do it as soon as possible.

"Ok. I'm gonna get started on that letter, and please, drive safely."

"I always do," I reply, and he scoffs, and I smile, knowing what's coming.

"I really don't understand you. You can buy a plane, you can use mine, but you choose to drive. Do you know how many crazy people are on the roads these days? No to mention those crazy kids that throw bricks from bridges, and the truck drivers--"

"Addis, I'll be fine. You know that I hate flying, and it's only 5 hours long drive." I try to calm him down, but he tsks his tongue, and I bet that he's also shaking his head in disapproval.

"Call me if something happens, and go and check your tires and engine before you--"

"Yes, mom, I will," I say jokingly, and he chuckles softly.

"I'll let you be then. See you in a few days."

"Ok, see you." I greet back, then let out a breath of relief when the call ends.

Seek him out. As if! I rather die slowly and painfully!

I let another breath of relief when I'm finished packing, then another one when I finish placing my bags in the trunk of my car, and as I was about to get inside the car, I see a man, who looks homeless, around 40, maybe less, but the cold and dirt makes him look older, wearing a dirty pair of ripped jeans, and not in a fashionable way, and a hoodie, but after the way he's embracing himself, I would say that the hoodie doesn't help much with the cold, and at his neck, there is a dog tag, which tells me that he's a veteran.

"Sorry, sir. Could you maybe give me some change?" He asks through clenched teeth due to the cold, and I remember that my wallet is in my trunk, and as much as I want to help him, I gotta go.

"I'm in a hurry. Next time."

"That's ok. Drive safe." He says with a pained smile, and he turns to go.

I look inside the car, knowing that if I drive now the chances to meet him are slimmer, but...

"Wait!" I call for him, not able to walk away without helping him in some way.

"What?" He asks as he turns around, and I gesture for him to follow me as I go towards the trunk and get my wallet out.

"I'm sorry for being rude. I just... this city doesn't bring me nice memories." I try to excuse myself as I take every dollar that's in my wallet and hand it to him, and his eyes go wide, looking at me puzzled.

"Sir, you gave me..." He trails off as he tries to count the money, but it's not so easy due to his shaking hands, and not because he's drunk because his breath is clean, but because he's cold, and that makes me wanna punch myself for even thinking of refusing to help him.

"More than a thousand. It's too much." He says as he keeps one bill and wants to hand me the rest, but I refuse.

"It's not too much." His blue lips from cold curled into a grateful smile that reached his green eyes, and out of nowhere, he pulled me into a hug.

"You are a good man, and you'll be repaid for your kind deeds." He says in a smooth voice, and I almost chuckle humorlessly and tell him that actually, no good deed remains unpunished.

"Take care of yourself and go to a hotel and get some rest," I say as we break the embrace, and he nods.

"I will, but first, I need to help someone that helped me." He says, and I can't help but smile seeing the kindness in his eyes, and the willingness to help someone else when he needs every penny that I gave him.

"You know what? Take this as well..." I trail off as I take my Rolex off, and place it in his hand.

"First, with the money that I gave you, go and buy some clean clothes, take a bath, and only then take the watch to a pawnshop. You should get around 100.000 dollars on it. But don't go like this because they won't pay you the right amount." I say as I gesture to his poor clothing, and he looks at me shocked.

"Are you sure?" He asks as he looks at the watch, then at me, and I nod.

"Very," I say, sure of the fact that by giving him the shot of putting his life together, he'll help other people as well.

"Now, I really need to go, but it was a pleasure meeting you," I say wholeheartedly, and he nods with a gentle smile and grateful eyes.

"Thank you, sir---"

"No. I thank you," I interrupted him, pointing at the dog tag.

"Yes... but still... thank you." He says in a truly grateful tone, and I nod, then walk towards the driver's door to get inside the car and get the Hell away from here.

"Drive safely, sir."

"Be safe yourself, and I wish you all the best, and a Merry Christmas," I say wholeheartedly as I get in, and he nods, then, as fast as I could, I turned the engine on and started driving away from this doomed city.

Maybe they moved, I don't know, but I don't think so. Anyway, better safe than sorry.

JAMAL'S POINT OF VIEW

I make sure to take the route that's the farthest from the ghettos because even though it's snowing, and people wear hats and scarves to protect themselves from the cold wind and snow, I don't want to drive around that place and risk seeing him, seeing them, and to be extra careful, I keep my eyes on the road, avoiding to look on the sidewalk or at other drivers, afraid that I'll see them hand in hand... or...

"God, I'll go crazy here!" I exclaim as I realize just how paranoid I am, but still not looking around.

The phone rings in the speakers of my car, and I see that it's mom, but I'm not in the mood to talk to her right now, so I ignore it.

Yes, she helped me tremendously during college, sending me at least 500 dollars monthly, and giving me 30.000 dollars when I finished so I can start my company, but that doesn't mean that I forgot all those years of abuse, all the cold nights, the hunger, or the guys that she brought home, and some beat me around, one almost raped me, and when I told her, she told me that I'm a brat that seeks attention.

I give her more money than she can spend as a thank you for the help that she gave me, but that was most probably because she knew that someday I'll get rich because I really don't buy that 'I felt guilty and wanted to redeem myself' bullshit.

I turn the radio on to keep my mind occupied and stop the thoughts that I can't seem to be able to control, and out of fucking nowhere, a black Santa appears in the front of my car at not even 7 feet away, and I quickly push the breaks and swerve right so I wouldn't hit him.

The car stopped together with my racing heart and breath, and I look around to see if he is ok and panicked when I can't see him.

I quickly get out of the car, and almost fall due to my shaking legs, but I'm caught by two arms, who belong to none other than my reckless Santa.

"Are you ok?" He asks in a gentle voice, as he comes and stands in front of me, looking at me worried, with a pair of cerulean green eyes that stand out due to his dark skin tone, and I open my mouth to say something, but I can't. I'm too shaken up, and also angry, and I don't want to say something that I might regret.

He's just an old man, Jamal.

I tell myself in order to calm down.

Even though he wears a Santa hat, I can see that his hair is winter-white, just like his beard, his wrinkles look as if they were made from laughter, so, that hints that he's a cheerful, good person.

"I'm sorry, I was not looking--" He tries to apologize, but I interrupt him as I see that he holds his left arm with his right one.

"Are you ok?" I ask while gesturing to his arms, and he nods.

"Yes, I think I'll have a bruise, but I'm ok. But your tire on the other hand..." He trails off as he gestures to my tire, which seems to be deflating.

"It's just a tire. It will keep me going a few more miles until I'll find a service." I say, and he nods, smiling, and I want to yell, scream, tell him that because of him, the chances that I'll encounter the two people that I despise most in the world increased tenfold and that he shouldn't smile... but I don't.

He's just an old man.

"How much will it cost?" He asks, probably wanting to pay for it.

"It's ok, I'll manage. You just look where you're going because maybe next time you won't be so lucky," My voice is scolding but also worried, and he waves me off and smiles even bigger, an action that accentuates his wrinkles.

"There is no such thing as luck. There is just destiny because everything happens for a reason." He states it as a fact, and without even realizing it, I roll my eyes.

"You don't believe in destiny?" He asks, still with that small smile on his face, looking at me as if he knows something that I don't.

"No, I don't. Now, if you're sure you're ok, I would like to go before my tire gets totally flat," I point at the deflating tire and turn to go, but I'm stopped by his aged voice.

"I know a shop not very far from here, and they have the best mechanics in town. If you want, I could come with you and give you directions, I'm heading that way anyway, and for your kindness, I'll make your biggest wish come true." His voice is cheery,

and I sigh hard and turn back to look at him, just to see him beaming at me.

I think he's a little off.

"Can you teleport me from here? In any other city? Another country? Even a deserted island, anywhere but here?" I ask sarcastically, and he chuckles softly and shakes his head.

"No." He answers in an amused tone of voice, and before I got to reply with some sarcastic comment, he continues.

"But that's just because that's not your biggest wish." He states as a fact as if he's never been more sure of anything in his life.

"Oh, trust me, it is!" I exclaim, and he looks at me with a raised eyebrow as if I can't fool him.

Ok, he's definitely off.

"Now, I really, really, need to get going--"

"Ok, let's go then." He says and walks to the passenger side of the car, opens the door and gets up, then gestures for me to hurry up.

God... what did I do wrong?

I think for a few seconds what to do because the old guy is certainly crazy, but he's the harmless kind of crazy, and I need to fix my tire so I can go, and he could help, so, what the Hell?

What's the worst that could happen, right?

"Ok, Santa, please guide me to the shop," I say trying to enter his mind and loosen the mood, and he laughs a peal of wholehearted laughter that fills the car and even manages to make me smile, but it faded when I noticed that a warning light popped up on my dashboard, but seeing that I can still drive the car without any problems, I don't think that it's something serious.

At least I hope so.

"I'm not Santa. Santa Claus doesn't exist." He says as if I didn't already know that, making me forget about my worry, and I can't help but chuckle.

"I know that, but outside you said that you'll make my biggest wish come true, and you're dressed as a Santa, so..." I explain, even though I'm sure that it's useless.

"Yes, I said that and I'll keep my promise, but that doesn't mean that I'm Santa. Now, take a left turn." I decide not to comment and just drive, hoping and praying that we'll get there soon, and after 15 minutes of slow driving due to the snow that covers the roads,

I make the last turn to reach the auto service.

The place looks decent, not really professional like a Rolls-Royce service, but good enough.

I park the car in their parking lot, then get out, and Santa... or whoever he thinks he is, follows, with an even bigger smile on his face.

"My job here is done, now I have to go and help someone else." He says in a very satisfied tone of voice, with a very satisfied look on his face.

"Yes, my biggest wish is to go to a workshop. I always dreamed to do that in a city that I hate two days before Christmas." The comment escaped my lips before I could stop it, and I immediately regret it.

"Sorry, it's just--" I want to explain myself, but he laughs softly as if he's amused by my disbelief.

"It's ok, I'm used to it." I want to say that I believe him, seeing how crazy he is... but this time I manage to hold back.

"Are you sure you're ok? And are you sure that you don't need me to help you find your way home?" I ask, a little worried that he'll get lost because of his... mental state.

"You should embrace yourself for when you'll find your way home, not worry about me, kid." He says and winks at me, again, as if he knows something that I don't.

"Ok. I wish you a Merry Christmas, and please take care." I say, and he nods.

"I will not wish you a Merry Christmas because I already know that you'll have a very Merry Christmas." I almost roll my eyes at him but contain myself, and return the smile that he's giving me.

He turns and goes, and I do the same, then open the door where it writes Reception.