Wildflower

I tap my foot on the tiled floor, waiting anxiously for the dark-haired woman behind the glass protected counter to call my name.

I have been waiting 10 years for this day. The day to finally see the grass – and not through a chain-link fence, while I shuffled my feet on the concrete.

To feel the breeze on my face, and stand in the sun for endless of hours.

I have spent 10 years on the inside, doing time because of crimes I committed, to save my life. I clench my eyes closed. I don't have to think about that anymore. The minute she calls my name, I can leave this place, and those memories, behind me for good.

I know the thoughts and trauma I will be carrying with me won't disappear right away, and it won't be as easy as kicking them behind me as I leave, like I want it to be.

But I finally have my freedom. I have counted the days, weeks and months until I got here, and it has never felt better.

Until I make it out those doors, and there is no one there to meet me.

I have no idea where I'll be heading after this, though my mind tells me to head home, the only place I know. I still remember the run down, one-bedroom apartment in New Jersey that my dad and I had lived in together.

He of course, having the one-bedroom, and I slept on the couch. It was joyous times, and without him, I wouldn't be here.

Waiting for my name to be called, so I can be released from a 10-year prison sentence. I have barely turned 24, and I have yet to experience simple things like going to a high school party having my first beer – or even kissing a girl.

In an all-male maximum security prison, there aren't many opportunities to get your first kiss. At least, not from anyone of the female population.

"Tristan Burke! Come forward, " the woman barks and slams a box of my belongings on the counter. I jump to my feet and scramble to the front, looking straight at the ground while she finishes signing my release forms, then hands everything to the guard standing next to her.

He walks out and shoves the box into my chest with a sneer, turning around and instantly locking himself back behind the gate, his disgusted eyes never leaving mine.

For most of my 10 years here in Boston's largest maximum-security prison, the inmates and newer guards believed I was convicted of theft, technological manipulation, and trying to break into the wealthiest bank in New York, my home state.

But for those who came before, the ones who have known me since I barely knew myself, they thought otherwise.

They believed I was convicted for murder. But, lucky and unlucky for me, someone saw the potential I didn't know existed, and bailed me out.

Only for me to land my ass right back here a few months later, for longer than a couple weeks. I remember thinking those few weeks sitting in a holding cell at the local police station was terrifying; I hadn't prepared myself for what I experienced in here.

I go through my box of belongings and dip into one of the bathrooms to quickly change into the pair of clothes that had to be donated to me, since the last outfit I walked in here with, doesn't quite fit my 6-foot frame anymore.

I stop in the bathroom mirror, looking at my shaggy dark hair and unkept scruffy beard. What shocks me the most, is the shadows in my almost black eyes; the shadows only I can see, from everything I have endured.

The countless hours and days locked in solitude, to the point where I now welcome the quiet dark, and fear the loud brightness.

Turning away from the mirror, I gather my belongings and get out of there as fast as I can. I rummage through the box again when I get out the doors and fish out my phone and thankfully, the charger. I find a small outlet on the side of the building and charge my phone, in hopes that there is a name in there of someone who can help me.

I sit down on the bench and go through the small amount of contacts I have. I was given this phone when I was 14, because my father was never home and I often had to go out on my own and get groceries or other necessities. I saved up the money and bought myself a very basic, pay as you go phone.

My fingers stop when I come across a name I haven't heard, but thought of a lot while I was inside.

Parker Andrews.

He was the one friend I had who grew up quite wealthy, but never let it affect him. He was always down to earth and kind to everyone, regardless of their status in life or finances.

If there is anyone I can count on now, my best chances lie with him. I hit his name and dial his number, my hands shaking as I lift the phone to my ear. It rings a couple times, my pulse quickening, then it clicks when he answers.

"Is this for real?" he asks, his tone shocked but guarded.

A smile touches my lips in the first time in a long time. It feels good.

"Long time, Parker."

I hear him inhale sharply. "Holy shit, Tristan? Is that really you man?"

I nod, then realize he can't see me. "Yeah, it's really me man, it's been awhile."

"It's been like a decade man; I can't believe I'm actually talking to you right now. I want to ask you so much, but I don't think we have the time, " he laughs, but I can hear it's strained slightly.

"Actually, is there a chance we could meet up? I'm in Boston right now, " I say, leaving out everything, including the part where I'm stranded.

"What are you doing out there? I'm living in New Jersey now, but I can maybe make it out to Boston. You got a place out there?"

How do I tell him everything? Hey, haven't talked to you in 10 years, can you come pick me up from jail?

That isn't the ideal way I wanted to reconnect with him, but it doesn't look like I have any other choice.

I take a deep breath. "I'm going to be honest with you, man. I need help."

It's quiet for a few gut-wrenching seconds. "Is this why I haven't heard from you all these years?" he asks quietly.

I clench my teeth. "Yeah, it is. I can explain everything, but right now I have nowhere to go, I'm stranded in Boston. I'm not asking for a place to live; I just need some where to go."

"You know I'm always here for you, Tristan, but you better have a damn good excuse for this."

"Don't worry, I'm sure you'll love it."

***

I give Parker the address, and to my surprise he doesn't ask questions. I have no doubt he has to punch it into GPS, which will then expose exactly where he is picking me up from. I know the string of questions will probably come the minute I step into the car.

I can see that he is trying to keep his demeanor when his Silverado truck pulls up in front. I take a deep breath and haul my box of belongings towards the back, Parker getting out and rounding the side.

We stop and stare at each other. He hasn't changed much, other than his blonde hair getting a bit longer and curlier at the top, and his skin a little tanner than before, making his eyes look bluer. He's a bit more built than the lanky frame he sported in his early teens.

Before I can react, he rushes towards me and forces the box out of my hands, and gives me a hug. I haven't been physically touched like this in 10 years, the contact shocking me and my nervous system. I instantly tense up and my hands freeze, not knowing what to do.

Parker pulls back and gives me a suspicious look, clearing his throat and grabbing the box again. "It's good to see you man, " he says and smiles, putting the box in the back of the truck. I nod and rush over to the passenger side.

"So, want to explain to me why the hell I'm picking you up from prison?" he asks, and I take a deep breath before I start the story, knowing I would have to re-live it sooner or later.

"You remember my father?" I start off and he nods.

"Yeah, I remember he was never there, but I also remember he used to be a pretty good lawyer. Whatever happened to him?"

I shake my head. "I have no idea. He came home one day, after we had left that day from school, and there was a woman sitting on the couch, my father nowhere to be seen. She kept asking me where he was, and I said I never knew. The weekend came around, and she was still there, but my father wasn't. She kept saying he was supposed to protect her, but he was doing a lousy job, so she took her anger out on me, getting drunk and putting her cigarettes and joints out on my skin."

Parker cringes. "Jesus, man. Why didn't you tell anyone?"

"I never had the chance. Some men broke down the door, and kept asking the girl where my father was, and if they had what she owed him. I had no doubt she or my father owed them some money or drugs, so I tried hiding in my room, but one of the men saw me and dragged me out. Shit hit the fan when the girl pulled a gun out and shot one of the men holding me, splattering his blood on my clothes.

"She tried to get me away from them, but when I ran towards her, the man barking orders pulled a gun a shot her. I panicked, the man came towards me and shoved the gun into my hands, saying that if anyone came through that door, to shoot them. Then, he ran off."

I stop so Parker can digest that little bit, his face going pale.

When he nods for me to continue, I take another deep breath.

"As you probably assumed already, the man tipped off the police and they rushed through the door, my father still nowhere to be seen. They found me, still holding the gun, frozen with fear, and the two bodies around me. They identified the blood on me as both victims, and the gun was just a given. I was tried as an adult, and sentenced to life in prison."

"Whoa, are you serious? And you still haven't heard anything from your dad? How did you get out?" The words tumble out of his mouth, like something in him just switched on.

I hold up a hand. "That is twice as long a story, and something we can save for a night over beers at your place or something, " I say, wanting to avoid offering to go to a more public area.

"Well, I was actually thinking about that, " he says.

"Thinking about what?" I ask suspiciously.

He shrugs. "After everything you just told me, it sound like you've been massively fucked over, despite whatever has happened since then to get you here. I want to help you out, I had no idea any of this was happening then, but I know you need help now and I want to try and give it."

"You don't owe me anything, Parker. Like you said, you had no idea what was going on. The fact that you answered the phone and actually showed up is more than enough."

He frowns, not seeming convinced. "You were always there for me when we were kids, now I want to return the favor. I have a loft above my apartment that my landlord has been trying to rent out for a while, but it's kind of small. I can try and talk to him, and tell him you'll take it, if he can give you the first two month free, so you can find a job."

"Are you serious? That's too much, I can't take that."

He nods firmly. "You can, and you will. I'll even help you find a job; I was going to wait to show you but I mind as well tell you. I just opened a club downtown, a few weeks ago. I could use an extra hand around the bar, and I would pay you well for it, not just because you're my friend."

I instantly tense at the thought of being in a loud and crowded club, tending to drunk people at the bar. It does not sound ideal, or like something I can mentally handle.

"I don't think I could handle a crowd like that, I've been in there a long time, " I say, hinting but not revealing just how much time I did.

Parker gives me another suspicious look, but thankfully doesn't say anything. "I was thinking you could take the day shift, that gives me the chance to get a good sleep before I tackle the night shift. During the day, it's mainly opened as a bar, the floor isn't open."

The doesn't sound too bad, and it would help ease myself back into the public, start off with semi-normal interactions.

"I can give it a try, but I can't make any promises, " I mutter.

Parker grins. "It's just something to make money for now, you can look for something else at the same time."

The rest of the ride is spent in peaceful silence.

***

Everything looks exactly the same, and completely foreign at the same time as we drive through the state of New York. I have been down these roads many times in my past, but it still feels like I am visiting an unknown city.

The buildings have overall stayed the same in the last 10 years, with a few store additions and houses; but the people have changed, society has moved on to a new generation by now.

Am I going to fit in?

The only intelligible conversations I had in prison, were with the monthly therapists I was forced to see, after spending more than 12 hours in solitude for snapping, and hitting another inmate with a cafeteria tray. He kept threatening me if I didn't give up my dinner, since we were only given rationed portioned to make sure everyone was given the same amount, no more or less.

I had tried my best to ignore him, but my control snapped, like it had so many other times. I busted the side of his face, and cracked his nose. That would've earned me as least 5 hours in solitude, but it wasn't my first time.

The prison thought it was best to get me a therapist, to have someone to talk about my anger with, thinking I went into that place with the anger I carried. They refused to think that they had run a terrible establishment, where the inmates were beaten by the guards, just as much as they beat up each other.

If you had the money on the outside, you got better treatment inside. If you didn't have anything, you were treated like nothing. Anyone could guess where I stood in that very fine line.

I feel myself start to tremble, just thinking about it all. How am I going to hold a decent conversation with anyone, without my anxiety taking over? Do I still carry the anger I had with me now? Or will it too disappear, along with the memories and demons of that place?

I won't know until I try. My biggest concern at the moment, is if anyone of the female population approaches me. I barely spoke to girls when I was 14, and haven't spoken to one in 10 years now. I've never flirted, or had any 'game' to begin with.

Hell, I'm sure I'm one of the few guys who is still a virgin at 24.

What girl would want to be with a guy, after she finds that out? Not too many, I don't doubt. Not just the female population; there is no doubt if my life had played out differently, I wouldn't turn down a girl that inexperienced, for the simple fact that for some it's a big deal, and you don't want to be the person to mess it up for the other.

That is a lot of unwanted guilt and shame to carry.

I'm already in my twenties, and I'm still worrying about sex. That's a great icebreaker for conversation.

The truck jerks to a stop, pulling me out of my thoughts and dragging my attention to the decent sized, two floor apartment building. I assumed the small door off to the side of the main door, is the one leading to the loft Parker was referring to.

"Here we are, " he says and grins. "It's not much, but it's been home since after high school."

"I'm surprised your parents let you live in a place like this. They always insisted on you living up to their potential."

Parker chuckles. "My parents actually divorced five years ago; it was about time. I could tell from a young age that the happiness they showed around me and others, it was all fake."

"Shit, sorry to hear man, " I say but he shrugs it off.

"I'm glad it happened, they weren't happy together, and that's what's important. Being with someone who makes you happy, not drags you down. Once my parents divorced, my mother realized she had been suppressing her passions to fit into my father's circle of friends. Once she was free to pursue them, she allowed me to do the same, and even helped me pursue my passion of owning a club."

We both share a laugh this time. I do remember Parker always saying he wanted to be his own boss, but he never expressed any other interests than that. I knew he had the potential to run a business, but a club wasn't something I expected, and I'm sure as much as his mother supported him, she was just as surprised.

"Want to check the place out? Then I can show you my club, I have to open her back up for the night shift."

"What do you mean?" I ask, taking in the slightly fresh city air around me, not having the best opportunity in the truck.

"Since I don't have anyone to work the morning shift, I open up early in the day until around lunch, then close up for a few hours to get some sleep, and then open up again for the night, usually until about 2 in the morning."

I cock an eyebrow at him. "You just do that every day?"

"I close the place for the day on Sunday's, unless there is a big game on, then I just open up for the evening and close up around 11pm."

It sounds like regardless; he is running that place day and night. He looks pretty well put together, for someone who is probably running on 4 hours of sleep. Between working, eating and hopefully showering, I can imagine how much time he has to himself to even just sleep.

"If you really need the help, I will agree to working a few hours in the morning, so you can get a few extra hours of sleep. You can teach me how to open the place up and shit, you don't have to show me the place, " I say and try to muster a convincing smile, though my hands are starting to shake and my chest is tremoring.

Parker lights up and claps me on the back. "I knew you would come around, though I thought for sure you were gonna change your mind in the truck. Thanks man, you won't regret it, " he says and unlocks the loft door.

When we reach the top of the narrow staircase, I can understand why people have turned the place down. The room opens up into a living room and kitchen, shared in one room, with a medium sized bay window looking towards the side of another building. There is a small bathroom on the left when you walk in, with a door to a bedroom further down.

I inspect the bedroom, it's a few sizes bigger than the cell I occupied for 10 years; which means it's perfect. The living room/kitchen is a decent space as well, everything pretty close together, if you put a couch in between the space where the living room and kitchen flooring touch, drawing a line to cut off the rooms.

The fridge is a few feet away.

"So, what do you think?" Parker asks.

I nod and spin around the room. "It's great."

"That's awesome! I'll call my landlord now, you can stay downstairs at my place for now, use the shower and stuff, I might have a change of clothes that will fit you if you want to look."

He leads me downstairs into his apartment and shows me the bathroom and where his dresser of clothes is. He does thankfully have a few pairs of clothes in my size, and closer to the style of today, since the clothes I'm currently 'borrowing' are even older than I am.

I take a steaming hot shower, welcoming the opportunity to take my time and use as much hot water as his tank will allow, Parker already having assured me that he doesn't pay for water at least, the Landlord has that covered.

In prison, we had about 5 minutes of hot water, and we shared the rooms with all the other guys. It was awkward and agonizing to say the least, you often wanted to avoid taking showers.

I locked the bathroom door, though I trust Parker, that initial fear is going to be there for a while.

Once I'm dried off, I throw on the clean black jeans and white shirt, topped with a black button up. I run my hands through my hair and over my beard, then poke my head out the door to call to Parker.

"What's up?" he asks, running up to me.

I fiddle with the doorknob, feeling very uncomfortable about to have this conversation with him.

"I'm assuming you have an electric razor?" I ask and he nods. "I've never used one, only a regular razor. Think you could show me how to use one?"

I wait for him to start poking fun at me, but he just smiles and nods, pushing the door open a little more. He walks over and pulls out a bulky razor, plugging it into the wall and turning it over in his hands, before placing it in mine.

He shows me the power button, the different speeds and the multiple razor heads I can install for different shaves and cuts. He even describes to me what kind of shave I would get with each, saying this was the razor his father gave him, and showed him the same thing.

My chest tightens for a fleeting second at the mention, thinking back to the fact that I missed out on those bonding moments. Though, even if I hadn't gone to prison, I don't think I would have gotten those moments anyway.

I thank him and he leaves, not uttering a single joke or tease. I thank him again quietly, for always understanding me, even if we aren't the same people, we once were together.

I quickly trim my beard with a lot more success that I thought I would, and also find a bottle of gel to tame my thick, uncut hair. I make a mental note to visit a hairdresser's when I get the chance – and money.

When I come out of the bathroom, Parker is just getting off the phone again. He grins when he sees me walk towards him, giving me a thumbs up when he takes in my less scruffy and dirty look.

"You clean up well, man. Good thing, too."

I narrow my eyes at him. "Why is that?"

"I just had the best idea after I left the bathroom. It's Saturday night, I'm closed up for the day tomorrow so we can sleep as much as we want, so therefore –"

"I'm not going out partying tonight." I cut him off, already knowing where his idea is going.

Parker's shoulder slump immediately.

"Why not?"

"Because I haven't had a good night's sleep in god knows how long, and I don't want to spend my first night out with a bunch of drunk college kids, " I say, remembering seeing the large college campus we passed a few blocks away, something that is also new.

"What kind of club do you think I run?" Parker asks, offended.

I roll my eyes. "I will come for one drink; will that satisfy you?"

Parker claps his hands. "I can settle for that. We're leaving in a couple hours. Might want to get something to eat here, the club isn't known for food after lunch, so I don't keep a whole lot stocked."

With that in mind, I rummage through his fridge while he takes a shower, making sure to grab something nutritious to make up for the lack thereof I had in prison. I make a ham sandwich with lettuce and tomato, topping it with a bit of macaroni salad and milk.

I all but devour the sandwich before Parker is even done his shower. He comes out and grabs a pre-made salad, staring at my basically spotless plate.

"I assume they don't feed well in prison, " he mutters through a mouth full food. I nod quietly, not wanting to go into detail with him or relive the conditions we endured as prisoners.

After we're done eating, we clean up and then head out to re-open his club for the night. Before we even roll by the front door, there is already a line half-way down the sidewalk.

I can already feel my nerves going crazy and my anxiety kick in; and I haven't walked through the door yet. My hands start shaking as Parker pulls around back to park.

I light a smoke to try and calm my nerves, telling him I'll catch up with him after, not sure if walking in now or after the crowd has rushed in is a bad idea. Neither seems pleasing; I don't want to be there when they swarm, and I don't want to walk into a crowd.

My breathing becomes uneven and I start having troubles breathing.

What the hell is wrong with me? I can do this, it's just a club.

A place I have never been before. I've never even had a touch of alcohol, or danced, or flirted. How am I even going to survive one drink? Chances are, Parker is going to give me something strong, and it's going to knock me on my ass.

I toss my cigarette butt and take a deep breath, before walking in the back door. The place is, of course, completely packed when I emerge from behind the bar, Parker already in frenzy mode trying to take everyone's orders.

I shrink away as more people approach the bar, and slip back into the hall. Parker spots me and waves me over.

"What are you doing over there? Go and mingle with people, maybe find a girl, " he yells over the music and nudges me in the side. I glare at him and stay rooted to my spot, my hands trembling at my sides.

I try and ball them into fists, to control the panic rising in my chest from the loud music and overbearing crowd. Parker notices my distraught and frowns.

"Let me serve these last few customers and I'll ask a friend to take over. We can go for a smoke break, " he says and turns back to the group of girls fawning over him.

I grip the counter and keep my head down, closing my eye to try and block out the music and anxiety. I'm so focused, I barely hear her voice in front of me, but it breaks through the panic and shadows threatening to rise, like a heaven sent.

"Are you alright?"

I look up into the most breathtaking blue eyes I have ever had the pleasure to see, and I have seen some pretty interesting eye colors. The brightest baby blue, with freckles of grey sprinkled throughout.

Even in the dim lighting, her eyes seem to light up.

Or maybe it's just me.

I stare at her, my hands still trembling as they grip the bar, causing my arms to shake as well. She notices and the prettiest frown settles on her lips, if that description is possible. I have never seen anyone frown, and still look gorgeous.

She jumps over the bar and lands next to me. The action startles me and I cringe away out of instinct. The frown doesn't leave her face, but she surprises me more by reaching out and grasping my hand.

With that simple touch, the pressure in my chest disappears and my head clears, the loud pounding music no longer damaging my ears or rattling my brain. The swirl of bodies and voices around me no longer taunting the demons to rise, and the anger to come with them.

"Want to step outside?" she asks, leaning closer to yell over the sound. The warmth of her body calms me even more, the most I have been in some time.

The feeling is exhilarating.

I nod and she leads me down the bar and towards the front door. My pulse quickens and I grip her hand without thinking. She slows her pace and looks back at me, giving me a smile that makes my heart stop – in a good way, for once.

She squeezes my hand back and that starts it up again. I've never felt this way before, and I wonder if it's because she is the first girl I've physically touched, or even talked to. This experience all together is new for me.

All I know, is that this mysterious girl's touch seems to calm my nerves and keep the demons at bay.

An urge takes over me. I don't ever want to let go of this hand.

"I'm so glad you suggested coming here, I really needed this!" I shout to my best friend, Summer, as she dances wildly next to me, her blonde hair a tornado of strands around her.

"Don't thank me, you can thank Parker. He's the one who texted me to come out tonight, probably because he knows he is going to need help at some point, " she yells, but continues on her dancing rampage.

I laugh at her and look towards Parker at the bar, hoping to catch his eye. My heart stops when I notice the tall, handsome stranger who literally fits the perfect description of talk, dark and handsome.

I feel my face getting hot just looking at him, watching him loom over Parker, dominating his frame by almost an entire foot. I feel Summer stop dancing beside me and follow my line of vision.

She gasps and grips my hand. "Dear, lord. Who is that sex god standing next to Parker? He didn't say anything about bringing new friends, or hot friends for that matter."

I feel a twinge of jealousy when she says that. Guys have always picked Summer over me, and though I have never hated or even despised her in any way for it, I can't help but feel jealous towards her glossy blonde hair and big green eyes, with lashes so thick and skin pore less, she never needs make-up.

I always feel plain next to her with my tasteless brown hair, a little past my shoulders with no style to it, and dull blue eyes. I have a splatter of freckles across the brides of my nose, covering most of my cheeks as well.

There is nothing special or eye-catching about my appearance, not like Summer.

She nudges me. "Go talk to him, find out if he's single for me."

I give her an incredulous look. "Why me? Why not you then if you want him?"

"Because, you're taken so you can't flirt. Be my wingman." She winks and pushes me towards the bar. I get bumped around a bit and twirl back around towards her, but she is already gone.

Are you serious?

I have no choice now but to either move to the bar, or get bounced around in the growing crowd. I choose the option that allows me to breath, and make my way up to the stranger, who has now moved away from Parker and is leaning over the bar.

I assess him while he is distracted, and realize there isn't something quite right with him. I can see his arms are shaking, looking down towards his hands gripping the counter to see his hands are also trembling. He's pale, and there's a large vein popping out in his neck.

He looks like he is on the verge of having a break down. Everything in me tells me to turn around and walk the other way, that everything I am seeing is screaming danger, but a voice in the back of my head urges me forward.

I want to help him. He obviously isn't holding up well, for whatever reason.

I want to find out.

"Are you alright?" I call out.

He looks up at me, and I'm instantly sucked into his dark eyes, drowning in their dark pools. I swear he is staring into my soul as his eyes penetrate me. I suddenly feel exposed, almost vulnerable under his gaze.

And I like it.

He just stares at me, his body still shaking. I frown, trying to figure out what is going on inside this guy's head. For someone so beautiful, his eyes carry a lot of shadows in their dark depths. That leave to wonder if he's military or something.

Without thinking, I jump across the bar and land next to him, but he jumps away as if scared of any contact. That just makes more questions swirl my head, and the warning coursing through my body to emanate more.

Something about the haunted look in his eyes, though, prompts me to reach out for his hand. I feel his fingers beneath mine and grasp them, not missing the way the shadows in his eyes instantly disappear, and the trembling in his hands stop.

That isn't from me, is it?

I'm overthinking. There is no way my simple touch could calm this stranger in the blink of an eye. His eyes are still shifting around the room, and he looks scared as all hell, while still maintaining a calm demeanor somehow.

"Want to step outside?" I find myself asking, not sure what compelled me to invite this stranger to a quieter, less crowded area.

An image of my boyfriend Everett passes through my mind, reminding me that I'm just helping that guy; nothing more.

That doesn't seem to calm the butterflies dancing around my stomach, as I pull him closer to the end of the bar. When we reach the crowd, I feel him squeeze my hand, making me hesitate and look back at him.

The haunted look is back in his eyes, so I just smile, encouraging him that whatever he is fighting, it's okay. I squeeze his hand back, and like before, the shadows disappear and he pushes forward.

We reach the front doors and I push through them, welcoming the cool breeze of Summer that is about to hit New Jersey soon, the feeling of it already in the air.

I walk us over to a less crowded corner out front the bar, hoping it will help calm him down a little. He takes out a pack of smokes and looks at me, hesitating.

"It's alright, I'm used to the smell, " I say and I nod at him. He still doesn't speak, and I realize then how much I want to hear his voice; hear if it sounds as sexy as he looks.

I wipe the urge away. I shouldn't be having these thoughts about another man, especially one I just met. I love Everett, and I have for the last 5 years we have dated. We are high school sweethearts, if we do ever get married, which I intend to do.

But looking into his deep eyes, I can't help but want to forget my life for one night, and get lost in them.

I've never experienced any sexual feelings other than mere attraction; Everett has been understanding that I want to wait until I feel I'm ready, but even with him, I have never felt the sexual urges I feel now, gazing at this handsome stranger.

"I haven't seen you around here before. Are you an old friend of Parker's?" I ask, attempting to make small talk although my chest is vibrating from my nerves.

He nods. "We went to high school together, " he mutters, his voice like honey against my ears, deep and melodic. It makes the hairs on my arms stand up and goosebumps to cover my skin.

"Did you move away afterwards?" I ask, wanting to hear his voice more. I could stand here talking to him for hours, just listening to him.

"Something like that, " he says, a dark look flittering through his eyes. I realize then, he is still clutching tightly to my hand. I feel how warm his skin is against mine, sending tingles through my fingers.

Commotion comes from behind us, and I turn to see Parker making his way through the crowd towards us. He bumps into a guy behind me, and he ends up dropping the beer bottle he is trying to hide under his jacket.

The bottle smashes on the ground next to me, and I feel a piece of glass cut into the side of my calf, hot pain shooting through my leg.

I cry out and clench my teeth, hissing through the pain. Before I know what's going on, the guy is next to me instantly, leaning me against his broad shoulder to inspect my leg.

"Oh, shit! Emily, I'm so sorry!" Parker cries, seeing the blood now running down my leg in a consistent stream.

"Where is your first aid kit?" the guys asks Parker, not looking away from the cut on my leg.

"Uh, I keep one behind the bar, Summer should be there. I'll call her and ask her to bring it–"

I'm picked up before Parker has the chance to even finish talking, the stranger lifting me into his arms and walking towards the front without waiting for Parker.

I feel his entire body tense under me the instant he steps through the front door and it slams behind us. I turn my face towards him, seeing his jaw is clenched tightly and the haunted look is back in his dark eyes.

Without thinking, I rest my head in the crook of his neck and cuddle slightly against his chest, a pang of guilt striking my heart when I think of Everett.

But all I'm thinking about right now, is how much my leg burns, and how I really do think my touch helps calm this strange man; keep whatever demons he has at bay. That makes me feel important, special in some way.

It makes me want to help him.

I feel him relax and start moving through the crowd. I can hear his heart beating erratically, making my pulse quicken knowing how I affect him.

He carries me behind the bar, where Summer comes rushing up to us.

"What happened?" she asks, and I don't miss the flirty look she throws him. I try not to smile when he doesn't glance at her, his eyes settled on me.

"Some guy accidentally dropped his beer bottle and a piece cut me, " I say. It's hard to concentrate on Summer with the heat of his gaze on me.

She rushes over with a first-aid kit and starts cleaning up the blood on my leg, but he stops her and grabs the kit.

"Do you mind?" he asks, and I see Summer swoon over his voice, much like I did, and I try to contain to slight jealousy I feel again. She nods and steps to the side, looking at me as she fans her face.

Parker reappears and starts apologizing again.

"I didn't even see the guy, and he shouldn't have had a bottle out there to begin with. I don't permit alcohol outside my club; I don't want to responsible for someone showing their junk to some old lady."

I roll my eyes. "It's alright Parker, as you can see, I'm being taken care of, " I say, thankful that we're behind the bar, where it's a little quieter covered by the counter.

He shakes his head, as if just realizing the situation. "Oh, have you guys met yet? This is–"

"Tristan."

I look up to see those deep eyes staring intensely at me, sucking all the air out of my lungs.

"Uh, yeah, Tristan. He's a friend from high school, " Parker says. "Anyway, I have to get back behind the bar. Are you going to be alright, Emily?"

I nod, unable to look away from Tristan. The name rings in my ears, and I feel a blush creep on my cheeks as I imagine myself screaming his name.

No, stop it! What is wrong with you?

I scold myself, hoping it doesn't show on my face. Tristan continues to clean my cut, caressing my leg as if it's the most fragile thing ever. I'm still very aware of Summer hovering over us, making flirty eyes at Tristan who isn't paying her any mind still.

"So, where has Parker been hiding you all this time?" she asks, leaning closer to him. I don't miss the way his jaw clenches or feel him tense up when her shoulder brushes his. He squeezes my leg, causing me to wince from the sharp pain that shoots up it.

He notices and looks up at me, concern filling his deep brown eyes. He looks down at his hand and realizes how hard he's gripping my leg, releasing it instantly. The moment his skin leaves mine, I see the shadows invade his eyes.

To my dismay, he takes another step back and hands the first aid kit to Summer. "I'm sorry, I have to go." He turns towards the back door without another word and races through it.

Summer raises her eyebrows at me. "What was that about?"

"You scared him, that's what."

She frowns and slaps a band-aid on the cut before helping me off the floor.

"What do you mean I scared him? I barely touched him and just asked a question. What's so bad about that?" she asks, looking back towards the exit door.

There is nothing wrong with that, if Tristan were any other normal guy.

But he isn't normal, that much is obvious. Whoever he is, he is hiding a lot of secrets beneath the surface, and despite the warnings going off in my head still, something is coaxing me to find out just what he is afraid of.

I fight the urge to run after him, wanting to feel his skin against mine again, and watch the shadows disappear from his eyes, seeing their deep warmth.

I close my eyes and look away from the door, knowing with that single thought, if I do run after him, I might not ever leave. I have Everett to think of, someone who I have already decided I want to spend the rest of my life with, who has been kind and supportive for 5 years straight, despite the slight struggle of my virginity.

It may have caused issues for us when we first became serious, but we have conquered those insecurities and come out stronger for it. I'm not about to throw that away for the first damaged soul I find.

My mother has always told me I am much like her, always wanting to help those in need, and often letting our feelings get the better of us. She says it's similar to how she met my father. She has never told me the exact story, but she did describe her meeting my father as an odd occurrence.

She met a broken and damaged man, and couldn't help but feel drawn towards him, wanting to help him despite the warnings she was given. Within him, she said she found the most loving and caring man, who dedicated his life to forever loving her, and me when I eventually came along.

I don't remember much from when I was younger, but I remember my father wasn't there when I was born, and my mother confirmed that when I was older. He didn't know I existed, until I was five years old, then my mother said he did anything and everything he could to be in her life, so he could be in mine.

The rest is history, and my parents have been in love ever since. Even to this day, I have never seen so much love between two people, and they aren't afraid to show me that their love isn't perfect, that they fight and suffer like any other relationship; but it's last dedication to always love each other, that helps them prevail.

I can see that being Everett and I one day. We may not spend every day together, and sometimes I feel that's a good thing. But I know when the time comes, we will be able to conquer anything life wants to throw at us.

As I think this, I can't help but feel if I'm trying to convince myself that I truly love Everett, to overthrow the little voice in the back of my head, telling me to run after Tristan and chase his demons away.

"I think I'm going to head home, " I say to Summer. She looks at me and frowns, but nods and walks with me to the door. I say good-bye to Parker on the way, who gives me a look saying we are going to talk at some point.

I can only imagine about what.

***

I leave the club and immediately return to Parker's place, forgetting that he has the keys and I still don't technically have a place to stay.

I sit outside his front door, leaning against it and closing my eyes. I try not to think about everything tonight, about her, but it's impossible. No one has ever had that effect on me, not even as a kid.

Maybe because it's been so long since I've felt truly safe, and for once I felt like that under her touch. I felt like nothing could get to me if she is there, nothing haunted me. She was able to banish it all, with the simple feel of her soft skin.

That isn't to say she is the only one with that ability. She is the first girl I've spoken to or touched in 10 years. I'm sure that can do a lot to a person who had to go through puberty in jail. It wasn't the most pleasant experience.

It's part of the reason I'm the mess I am now. The reason why when I realized how much I was already relying on this complete stranger; I made a run for it. I don't need to involve anyone like her in my life, not until I at least get my shit together.

Besides, who is to say she won't turn away from me, or make a run for it, when she finds out the things I've done, to get where I am now. What would she think of me then, if she were to find out I'm so messed up, because I practically grew up in prison?

She won't want anything to do with me. No girl her age wants a basket case. I can't think she is much younger than myself, early twenties. Which means chances are she's already experienced most of everything; sexual and otherwise.

So, she will want the same if not close in return from the person she spends her life with, or even part of it. If there is anything, I have truly come to realize rotting away in there, it's that life really is too short. I've lost 10 years of what was supposed to be a childhood, transgressing into adulthood.

But I missed out on all of it, and instead had no choice but to transgress in a hostile and aggressive environment.

However, I can't ignore the way my mind and body reacted to her, and I'm afraid I may not get that with anyone else.

The shrill ringing of my phone cuts off my thoughts, and I see Parker calling. About time he notices I'm gone.

"Where are you?" he asks, his voice barely audible through the static noise of the music behind him.

"I couldn't handle it, I'm sorry. I'm back at your place, but I realized now I don't have a key yet."

"Check the back door, I might have left it unlocked, " he says and I make my way around the back, spotting the small wooden door frame at the far end. I twist the knob and cheer silently when it turns.

"I'm good, it's unlocked."

"Awesome, make yourself at home, I'll be back in a few hours. You can crash in my room for now if you want, I always usually take the couch as soon as I get home anyway."

We bid or farewells and I enter the house, kicking off my shoes and tearing my shirt off immediately, feeling the pressure building in my chest again as it feels like the walls are closing in on me.

I had my thoughts outside to distract me, and Emily's touch at the club to calm me. Now, I am left alone with my demons.

I walk over to the fridge and pray that Parker has something strong in there. I settle for the beer bottles I see and grab one, walking over to the couch to try and distract myself once again with mindless television.

Before I know it, I'm passing out before I'm even halfway through my beer, my mind finally giving into the exhaustion.

***

I wake up to Parker hitting me in the face with a dish towel.

"Dude, you've been sleeping for almost 13 hours straight. I wish I could do that, " he says when I finally manage to blink my eyes open enough to see him grinning down at me.

"What do you want?" I ask, trying to roll over on the couch.

Parker catches my shoulder and flips me back around. "I want you to get up, I have the day off and it's already 1 o'clock in the afternoon. Come on, we've got shit to do, " he says and walks back towards the kitchen.

"What do we have to do today?" I lift myself off the couch and rub my face. Parker sticks his head out from the kitchen and smirks.

"Just stuff, you'll see when we get there."

I roll my eyes but are too tired to argue. Getting out of the house might be nice, but at the same time terrifying. After last night, I knew I'm not ready to go out and mingle with society. I just want a few more days to act like a hermit, before I'm ready to face another scenario like before.

My mind drifts back to Emily, her breathtaking blue eyes appearing behind my eyelids, quickening my pulse. Parker comes back into the living room, interrupting my thoughts as he munches a bowl of cereal.

Afterwards, we both shower and quickly dress before climbing into his truck. He drives me towards town, where most of the major shopping centers are. My curiosity grows, but I remain quiet, knowing Parker isn't going to say anything no matter how much I pester.

He's stubborn like that, and has been ever since I've known him. It's nice to see not everything has changed.

Everything clicks when we pull into a home decorating store, much like a thrift store; but for furniture.

"You know I don't have money for anything right now, I haven't started working at the club yet, " I say to Parker with a frown.

He shrugs. "Who said you were paying?"

"I'm not letting you waste your money on me, I can manage on my own once I start working again. That's the only way I will accept money from you, " I say, not bothering to remove my seatbelt to show I'm not going anywhere.

Parker shakes his head. "You don't have a choice right now, I'm buying you some furniture whether you like it or not, and it doesn't require you to come with me." He climbs out of the truck and turns to grin at me. "So, do you want to come with me, or do you want to risk me decorating your new place?"

I roll my eyes but get out anyway. I really don't want to risk Parker and his poor taste in anything decorating my place. This way, I can choose the least expensive items as well.

We spend the next few hours of the evening picking out tables, couches, a bed set and a few end tables, and a dresser. Even with trying to pick the cheapest items, it still came out to a lot more than I would ever expect anyone to pay for furniture; at least all at once.

Parker didn't seem fazed by it though, like he is used to spending this amount and not shed a tear. He never used to be this way, he hated spending any large amounts of money, on stuff that mattered or was pointless.

I assume now that the money he has is what he himself has earned, so he views it a little different than before. I can't help but feel a little proud of him, and guilty at the same time; because he is spending that hard-earned money on me.

We load the furniture up into one of their rental trucks, that Parker secretly rented ahead of time, so I couldn't argue and you have to give them 24-hour's notice before arriving and using the truck. He persuaded them last night before we left for the club, to let him rent it out for later today.

Guess it is kind of a good thing I slept for 12-hours.

I climb into Parker's truck and wait while he gives the delivery guy the address and directions to the house. When he gets in next to me, he gives me a particular look.

"So, there is something we need to talk about, " he starts off.

I raise a brow at him, urging him to continue.

"About last night, I wanted to start off by apologizing, I should have known you weren't ready or even prepared to face a crowd like that. I was just excited to have you back, and wanted to jump right into the old life we had before, but too much has changed and I realize that now."

I give him a soft smile, reassuring him that I understand. I'm happy to be back in his life as well, that was part of the reason as to why I agreed to go out.

"Besides that, I also wanted to talk to you about Emily, " he says, and her blue eyes flash in my mind the instant he says her name. My pulse starts racing and I feel the warmth spread over me at the mere thought of her.

"What about her?" I ask, trying to keep my cool.

Parker frowns. "I saw the way you looked at her, Tristan, and believe me you aren't the first guy to stumble over his feet when they first see her. I just want to be the one to warn you, before you get carried away; she has a boyfriend."

Even though I had decided I wasn't going to pursue anything with her before, at least not with anyone until I get myself together, hearing that still disappoints me.

"It's fine, I don't think I'm ready for anything like that anyway. She caught me in the middle of freaking out, unfortunately, and offered to go outside. You came out, she was injured and the rest you know."

Parker nods, but doesn't seem convinced. I don't feel convinced, either. All day I have been struggling to keep her off my mind, thankful that Parker did decide to drag me out here and occupy my mind with the idea of finally getting my freedom back, and getting my life on track.

Starting with this apartment, and then a job at the club. Parker agreed to let me start tomorrow morning, giving me the slow Monday morning crowd to deal with on my first day. He also said he would ask Summer to go over for the morning, to help show me where everything is and what to do, so he can sleep for the night shift later on.

I vaguely remember the bubbly blonde that took over for Parker behind the bar last night. I also remember the way her shoulder brushed against mine, and instead of it calming me like Emily, it prickled my skin and sent my anxiety into overdrive, like every other person I happened to brush by last night.

Why is Emily the only one? That should confirm that it isn't just a coincidence or a fleeting feeling. But my mind still tries to deny any connection between us. Besides, she's already taken, which I should've guessed.

A girl with her beauty and kindness, no doubt someone would snatch the opportunity up.

If I had met her under different circumstances, I would have too.

I shake my head clear of the thoughts, deciding I wouldn't worry about Emily or her friend, until at least tomorrow. Tackle one thing at a time, and right now; it's hauling all this shit up these narrow stairs.

With much effort and help from the truck guys, we managed to move every piece of furniture into the apartment, organizing it disorderly in the living room area. Parker and I then get to work setting it all up, starting with the bed set, then coffee table. Before I know it, it's starting to look and feel more like a home.

"Now, all we need is just a few tacky posters, some lamps or something, and we're solid, " Parker says and gives the place a thumbs up.

I admire the plush black leather couches and smooth wood coffee table, running my hands over them. I peer into the bedroom, where a brand-new bed set and mattress await me tonight.

Finally, a proper bed to sleep in.

I haven't known what that feels like, since before I entered prison. My father always made me sleep on the couch, and though at the time I was small enough for it, the beds in prison weren't much bigger or comfier.

My stomach starts leaping at the thought; this is all mine. My life is coming together, slowly but surely.

I can do this.

I can overcome these demons, and return my life to normal, maybe even start pursuing some of the unknown passions I never had the chance to discover before. There has to be something I am meant to do, and it can't just be hacking into security systems for criminals.

There has to be something more.

My mind drifts back to Emily, but I will the images away.

I can't be thinking of something like a relationship right now, or even forming friendships. I have to focus on repairing myself, and easing my way back into society. No doubt half of the state of New York knows my name, which is why I was so adamant on introducing myself to Emily last night.

I was afraid Parker would reveal my full name. Tristan is a common enough, but Tristan Burke isn't. Here, that name is only common for one thing; trying to break into New York's national bank, one of the largest and wealthiest banks in the country.

I knew it was a bad idea coming back here, for that exact reason, but I knew I had nowhere else to go. If the opportunity ever came for me to move somewhere else, I'm going to take it. There's a chance they don't know about me down in Australia or maybe Ireland.

"I'll leave you too it, but I'll be back tomorrow morning to drive you to the club and let you in, Summer should be there not long after, " Parker says. I bid him farewell and continue to admire my new set-up for a few minutes, before deciding to make something to eat.

Also realizing, I have no food. I take my phone out and send a quick message to Parker to order pizza, and get a quick respond back of what I think is a thumbs up. My phone isn't upgraded enough to get emoji's, or whatever they're called.

A half hour later, my doorbell rings and I'm greeted with a delivery guy holding a pizza box. He hands it to me and says it was already paid for downstairs, then goes on his way before I have the chance to ask anything else.

I send Parker a quick thank-you message and dig into the pizza, polishing off the box. Stuffed full afterwards, I can already feel my eyes getting heavy. I saunter over to the bedroom and collapse on the super plush mattress, my eyes drifting closed instantly.

Tomorrow is another day.

Like promised, Parker calls me at 7 o'clock in the morning, telling me I have an hour to get ready and meet him downstairs. I'm dressed and showered by 7:30 and we're out the door and at the club by 8 o'clock sharp.

Thankfully, there isn't a line out the ass this time. There isn't any line at all. Parker unlocks the front door after disabling the alarm and shows me around the back room, telling me where all the supplies are and how to get into the alcohol cellar.

"Summer texted me, she's going to be here in about an hour. Until then, get familiar with everything and text me if you need anything, I'll see you later." He waves good-bye with a yawn and heads out the door.

I wander around the back, trying to memorize where everything is, but my mind is over taken with the memories of the last time I was back here; tending to Emily's wound. For a second, I let the feelings wash over me, remembering how it felt to feel her smooth skin under my fingertips, feel the warmth from her body close to mine.

The front door slamming shut breaks me out of my deep thought and I rush to the front, breathing a sigh of relief when I see Summer strut through. She looks like she just rolled out of bed, despite having an hour to get ready and get here.

"Expect to do nothing all morning, because that's all we're going to be doing, " she says, tossing her purse under the bar and taking a seat, pulling out a magazine. "No one really comes in here except the few loners looking for a quick drink."

I nod at her and pick up a rag, walking over to the sink to soak it in warm water and soap, then start cleaning down the counter. Mind as well seem useful and bide my time, hopefully it will go by faster.

"So, you have a thing for my girl?" Summer asks. I look back to see her peeking over her magazine.

I give her a frown. "What does that even mean?"

"It means, do you like her? Are you attracted to her?" she says and rolls her eyes. "Look, you have to have been blind in order to not see the chemistry flying between the two of you the other night."

"She has a boyfriend, if I'm recall. Parker mentioned it, " I mutter and turn back around, determined to drop this conversation. Why can't anyone just leave it alone?

"Yeah, he only mentioned it because it's his cousin, so he has no choice but to warn you. But–"

"Wait, she is dating Everett?" I ask, the name hitting me like a slap in the face. I remember Everett, but I wish I didn't. He was the annoying cousin who lived with Parker and his parents for a year, while his 'mansion' was being built.

He had to attend the same school as us for that year too, until he finally left to go to some fancy private school. He flaunted his money and used it to try and get in with the cool kids, basically buying his friends, even though none of them wrote to him after he left. Parker confirmed it.

"You know him?" Summer asks.

I nod grimly, trying to keep the grimace off my face.

"I didn't know he was back in town."

"Yeah, he goes to the same college as us, but he and Emily met back in high school. They both went to the same private school in New York."

That explains it. I remember I don't know anything about Emily, and I did realize that she had a slightly different accent. I recognize it now as more of a New York tone than anything.

"Regardless, she has a boyfriend, who I now happen to know."

Summer clicks her tongue and puts her magazine down. "I'll let you in on a little enraging secret, that's only a secret to no one but Emily." She stands up and walks closer to me, thankfully stopping a few inches away.

"Everett has been cheating on Emily for 3 years now, since the day she said she didn't want to sleep with him, until she was ready to give herself away."

My heart clenches in my chest. I'm not surprised to hear that he is toying with yet another girl, but for some reason it pains and angers me more, knowing it's Emily, and it has been going on for 3 years.

I always knew him to be sleezy as a kid, and it shouldn't surprise me that he still as an adult.

"Why hasn't anyone told Emily? She has a right to know, " I say, trying to control the rage I feel bubbling.

Summer shrugs and sits back down. "We've tried, Parker and I, but she never listens to us or she refuses to believe us. Everett is a saint in her eyes, no matter what you try and tell her different. Even Parker has tried telling her what he was like as a kid, saying he knows his cousin better than anyone, and that's probably true, but she still doesn't want to believe that Everett is capable of breaking her heart like that."

I grip the counter, shaking my head as I grasp everything Summer just said. I can't for the life of me being to understand this situation, never having been involved in anything to close to something like this.

"As bad as it sounds, have you ever thought of having her catch him in the act?" I find myself saying before I even think the words.

Summer blinks at me, seeming to contemplate my words.

"What do you mean exactly?" she asks.

I throw the towel down and turn to face her, leaning back against the counter to maintain a good distance between us. I already feel cramped enough back here with just her and I.

"It's obvious you and possibly Parker have already caught him yourselves, meaning it might be easier to do it again if he is so careless about this. Stage a party, invite girls you know he would be tempted by, and see what happens."

She snaps her fingers. "That's brilliant! That way, we aren't forcing him to cheat, rather making him make the terrible choice himself. If he doesn't, then that settles it."

The idea all together sounds horrible. I can't imagine the feeling of loving and trusting someone, just to see all that crumble away. It feels even worst to plan a way for that to occur.

But what is worse? Finding out the person you're dedicated to yourself to doesn't want to do the same? Or living with someone who is betraying you every day, and never knowing?

To me, that choice seems simple, but I don't know what it feels like to be in love, or even love someone. I know I have love for Parker, but that will always be in a brotherly way, like the brother I never had.

It's a completely different kind, and doesn't have the same power over a person as being in love with someone does.

"We're having a party this weekend for our frat house actually, both Emily and Everett are members and there are a lot of good-looking girls who are constantly all over Everett when Emily isn't around, so this is going to be easy." Summer grins and takes her phone out.

"What are you doing?" I ask.

"Texting Parker and letting him know what we're planning, " she says.

I shake my head. "I won't be there, so I don't want anything to do with this. Honestly, I wasn't thinking when I made that decision, " I say, feeling the nerves kicking in again. I opened my mouth without thinking, and now I've convinced this girl to practically sabotage her friend's relationship.

Good job, Tristan.

"You have to be there, it will be movie perfect!" she cries, moving towards me. Without thinking again, I take a step back, maintaining distance.

Thankfully she doesn't notice.

"What are you talking about?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.

"It will be just like in the movies; the cheater is revealed, and you're the knight in shining armor, who will come in and sweep her off her feet–"

"Okay, whoa, calm down there. I met her briefly the other night and helped her out, that's it."

Summer pouts and falls back into her chair, crossing her arms like a child. I fight the urge to roll my eyes at her behavior and turn back to the counter to continue wiping it down.

The rest of the shift passes like this; Summer sitting on her phone, pointing to where things are when the rare customer comes up, but otherwise remaining motionless in her chair, staring at her screen.

Parker walks in the door at 3 o'clock, kicking everyone out and closing down for an hour so he can set everything up for the night. He gives me a ride home before that, and finally gives me the key to my apartment, saying it is officially mine, and that I won't owe rent for the first two months, but I will owe him a little extra for last months when I decide to leave.

If I ever get the chance to leave. Something tells me I'm always going to be rooted to this place, in some way.

Having nothing better to do, I trudge over to my room and pass out for most of the evening.

The rest of the week passes the same, working at the club in the morning with Summer, and looking for more permanent jobs and places elsewhere in my spare time.

Regardless what I was doing, my mind always found a way to think of Emily. Remind me of the way her touch made me feel, and how much I craved it at night, when I felt like the darkness was consuming me.

I thought living on my own, being alone, would be better for me.

It seems the demons that haunted me in there, haunt me out here as well. I had no choice but to ask Parker for a radio to put in my room, so there isn't complete silence at the very least. I can't seem to stand loud noises, but I also can't seem to bear silence either.

My head really is messed up. All the more reason why I've tries to thwart every attempt Summer has made to convince me to pursue Emily. Even if she wasn't already taken, I don't think it would be wise to pursue anything with her.

I'm too screwed up in the head, and let's not even begin with my lack of any social skills.

She needs someone better than that, she seems like the girl who deserves better than what I, and Everett, have to offer her.

Parker knocks on my door Friday evening, oddly dressed in a bathing suit and muscle shirt, with a towel hanging off his shoulder.

"What are you doing here? I thought you were working at the club all night?" I ask.

He just grins at me. "I have someone taking care of it, because you and I are going to the beach. I already have a bathing suit for you, " he says and holds up a plastic bag.

I raise a brow at him. "Are you serious? You ditched work because you want to take me to the beach?"

His shoulders sag and he glares at me. "Say it like that and it sound weird. I just want to get you out of the house, you've been inside all week, you need to get out and enjoy the sun while it last."

"I don't have to do anything except make sure I have enough money to pay your landlord at the end of next month, and maybe get a little more furniture in here." I cross my arms, making a stand that I'm not going to be persuaded this time.

The idea of a crowded beach doesn't sound any better than a club, though it won't be as loud, and the atmosphere will be a bit nicer.

"Come on, man. It's just the beach, and I know a spot where there aren't that many people. I promise, you will enjoy it, " Parker says, clasping his hands together to plead with me, giving me fake puppy dog eyes.

"I have to work tomorrow, I can't be out too late, " I continue to argue.

Parker rolls his eyes. "We aren't going to be out until 1 o'clock in the morning, it's just a couple hours at the beach to enjoy the sun before it goes down it's already late enough not too many people are going to be there, so we'll practically have the beach to ourselves."

The way he says that, it implies there is going to be more than just the two of us going. "Who else is going to be there?" I ask.

Parker's eyes shift slightly. "Just us."

I don't believe him, but I have no proof as to why. I heave a sigh and turn to grab my keys and slip my shoes on.

"This better be worth it, " I mutter and close the door. Parker hands me the bathing suit, but I refuse it, saying I probably won't go swimming.

I've never learned, anyway. Not going to start now.

We drive over and he's right, there are a few people scattered on the beach, but no one in the water and not too many people near it. There is a small clearing in the corner of the beach, where I see a few people have set up their towels and umbrellas.

Parker immediately starts walking over to them, and before I can ask what he's doing, I recognize one of the girls laying on her stomach, getting a tan.

Emily.

She sees us soon after and waves us over, removing her sunglasses and exposing her gorgeous blue eyes. Compared to the water next to her, it puts it to real shame.

I feel my breath catch in my throat and my pulse speed up just at the sight of her smile.

"Parker, you said it was just us, " I grumble at him.

He shrugs. "I didn't know they were going to be here."

I roll my eyes, but let it slide again, though I don't believe a word. I knew from the beginning he was planning something, but even if I figured it out before now, it would be futile to argue against him.

"Glad you guys could make it, " Emily says running up to us. My palms grow clammy, my fingers itching to reach out and brush her silky skin. I try and stop my eyes from lingering over her rather revealing bikini, admiring how amazing her body looks.

I don't have many images to compare to, but that doesn't matter. I can tell just by looking at her, her figure is remarkable, and will knock any guy off his feet. I can already feel the eyes around us on her, causing a slight rage to fill the pit of my stomach.

Emily moves towards me in a hug, and I see Parker's eyes watching us as she wraps her arms around me. Her warmth engulfs me instantly, swarming around me and chasing away the anxiety creeping in the back of my mind.

I get the urge to stay there, in her embrace for eternity, but I can see feel Parker's piercing gaze, analyzing us, and I quickly pull away. I give her a tight smile, trying to mask just how much it really pained me to pull away.

She leads us back over to where the towels and umbrellas are laid out, and I quickly recognize a somewhat familiar face.

Everett.

***

I didn't think I still carried much despise for Everett anymore, but the moment I see his traditional smug smirk on his face, I instantly want to punch it off. Instead, I try my best to muster a convincing fake smile when he spots Parker and I.

"Whoa, is that Tristan? Now there's a face I never thought I'd see again, " he says, with a mischievous glint in his eye.

Does he know?

Everett didn't strike me as the kind of guy to watch the news or ever pick up a newspaper. But that doesn't mean social media hasn't evolved since, and I have no doubt it has. Who is to say this info isn't just a click away now?

I shake his hand, keeping the fake smile plastered on, hoping that he has somewhat matured over the years, and will at least keep whatever he does know to himself. I grip his hand in silent warning and he winces, drawing it back with a nervous smile.

"Nice to see you man, it's been a long time, " he mutters.

Emily looks between us, confused. "Wait, you two know each other?"

Everett and I nod, not looking the happiest about it.

"I used to see Tristan a lot around the manor when I lived with Parker and his parents for a little while, " Everett says, moving his arm to snake around Emily's waist. I can't help but note now possessive it is, like he is threatened by my presence.

"Are we done with the reunion? I want to go swimming, " Summer says, stripping out of her shorts and t-shirt. I notice the way Parker shuffles uncomfortably, averting his gaze. I remember the way his eyes roamed freely over the girls who entered the club, not afraid to look at their barely covered skin then.

I lift a brow and smirk at him, which just makes him more uncomfortable. He mutters something as he walks by, tossing his shirt on the ground and trudging after Summer. Everett is busy with something on his phone.

Leaving just Emily and I standing there.

"Would you like to go swimming?" she asks, then looks at my jean and t-shirt attire, and frowns. "You aren't really dressed for the beach."

"Oh, uh, I don't really like swimming. Never been a fan of water, " I quickly lie, tucking the bag with the bathing suit behind me.

Emily still notices however. "If you have something to change into, you can always help me build a sand castle, " she offers and smiles, a small giggle escaping her lips. My heart beats faster at the sound, and I ignore the fact that she just asked to build a sand castle.

Another activity I never got to do as a kid. They do say it's never too late to start something.

I hesitate, then nod, her bright smiling internally winning me over. I seek out a small bathroom hut and duck inside to change into the shorts Parker gave me, surprised at how well they fit and thankful there is a string on the front to at least adjust them.

Before exiting, I look at myself once over in the mirror, suddenly grateful for the countless hours I spent in the weight room, when I had the chance, or just doing simple push-ups to try and outrun my thoughts when needed.

Despite that, I suddenly start to feel self-conscious the closer I get to Emily, who is already hunched over a pile of sand with a few plastic molds next to her. I search the beach for everyone else, more specifically Everett, and see him still plastered to his phone, now sitting over by the towels.

He hasn't paid a single attention to Emily since I arrived, except the fleeting moment of jealousy he portrayed. However, she seems content doing her own thing; as if this is how they always act together.

Is this how a couple eventually acts, after being together so long? I have no idea how long they have been together, but even then, every second I'm in Emily's presence, the urge to never leave grows.

If I could spend every waking moment with her, opening my eyes to her soothing touch and warm skin; it would be heaven. Does he not feel the same? How could he not? There's no way I'm the only person who feels this way around her.

Shaking the thoughts away, I keep moving towards Emily and plop down gently next to her in the sand. I see her look up, and her eyes widen when she takes in my naked torso. I try and make out the emotion in her blue eyes, but it's hard to tell exactly what she is thinking.

Is she as attracted to me, as I am to her? Did I make it more obvious?

I feel the anxiety fill the back of my throat, and my chest starts to slowly build up pressure from my overwhelming thoughts. My palms start to sweat, despite the cool breeze washing over the open sand.

"When was the last time you built a sand castle?" she asks.

I contemplate telling her the truth, deciding that it wouldn't be such a shocking discovery. "I've never built one."

She does give me a fleeting look of shock, before covering it with a beaming smile. "Well, today is your lucky day then. I happen to be a master sand castle builder, so you're going to learn from the best." She lets out another giggle and my heart races, the urge to reach out and grasp her hand becoming overbearing now.

"What can I do to help?" I ask, moving closer to her to look at the molds on her side, using any excuse to even brush my skin against hers. She looks through them with me and picks a few out, some looking like castle towers while others look like small village huts.

We start packing the molds together and she directs me on where she wants each to go. I try and get in her way from time to time, so my hand brushes against hers, or my legs has to press into her. Any sort of contact, to calm the anxiety still building in my chest as the sun starts to set.

It would be the perfect setting, had her boyfriend not already be sitting a few feet away, not paying a lick of attention to the scene behind him.

"Why isn't Everett helping you?" I ask, instantly regretting it when her mouth turns down in a frown.

"He doesn't really like this stuff, which is fine, it is kind of childish to some people. I guess I just never grew out of it." She smiles at me, molding the sides of the castle expertly.

"Are you a sculptor?" I ask, the motions of her hands working precisely around the sand, reminding me of someone working the mold on a clap pot.

She gives me a small smile. "Something like that, I like to paint and sketch from time to time, but I've dabbed a bit into sculpting and other forms of art. Building sand castles is really the closest I've come though, to making a suitable sculpture."

"I think you can do anything you put your mind too, " I mutter, still admiring how careful and precise she is, like she is handling a priceless object, rather than a sand castle that's going to be destroyed by tomorrow morning, when the tide gets high.

"Any chance your free tomorrow night?" she asks suddenly, leaning back to look at her work so far.

"I only work mornings, so probably."

She grins, giving me the sense that I should've said no, but right now I would say anything to keep that smile on her face. It takes my breath away every time, hasn't failed to yet.

"You should come by our frat party, last one of the year before school is done for the summer. I only have one year left after this, but Summer is going to be done her studies, and she wants to go all out for this party."

The brings me back to the conversation Summer and I had at the beginning of the week, about staging a party, to catch Everett in the act. This has to be it, even just mentioning that Summer wants to go 'all out' for this party, sends off red flags in my head.

Telling me to stay far away from this party.

"I'm not very big on parties, I don't like big crowds."

"I could tell from the other night, you looked a little shaken up, " she says. I hoped she wouldn't bring that up, and maybe hadn't noticed as much as I thought.

"Yeah, sorry about that. You met me at an off time, " I mutter, not sure of how to explain that situation, without getting complicated.

"Looks like there's a story behind it, I wouldn't mind hearing it some other time." She reaches over and squeezes my hand, her warmth spreading through my skin instantly. I feel myself relax under her touch once again, the feeling warming me more than the quickly disappearing sun and heat still radiating off the sand.

"I would love to tell you, " I find myself saying, though the voice in the back of my head is screaming at me not to. Any more time spent with this girl, and I won't be able to walk away.

Especially time spent alone.

She is too alluring and captivating, something about her keeps drawing me in, when I know it's dangerous.

Parker and Summer soon join us again, and Summer immediately starts talking about the frat party again, as if she could hear us all the way down at the water. She gives me a pointed look which I try to ignore.

I want no part in this, despite it being partially my idea in the first place. I didn't mean for a whole devious plan to come out of it, and I don't want to be there to watch Emily fall.

It will break my heart. I don't think I could handle it.

"Tristan, are you coming?" Summer asks, which makes Everett finally look up from his phone. He looks over towards Emily and I, seeing how close we are together, crouched over the built sand castle.

He jumps in between us, lifting Emily off the ground and wrapping his arms around her waist from behind. He sends me a fleeting sneer, then turns his attention back to her, going in to steal a kiss.

I'm shocked when she turns her head, giving him a glare and whispering something about 'not here' in his ear. Everett pouts, but she turns her face away, looking directly back at me.

"Parties aren't really Tristan's scene, right man?" Everett speaks up, smiling tightly at me.

I narrow my eyes at him, not caring that everyone is looking at me. I didn't hide my distaste for him in the past, I'm not about to start now. I despise him even more, knowing he has someone like Emily and is treating her the way he is.

Who am I kidding? It's because he has Emily, not someone like her.

It's been a week since we met, and the feelings for her still haven't faded, as much as I have tried to force them away.

"I'll think about it, " I say, still glaring at Everett, who is now glaring back. He wasn't expecting me to say that, and to be honest I'm not sure why I said it either. I'm not going, that's final, but maybe I wanted to wipe the smug smile off his face.

I at least succeeded in that.

"Alright, I think it's time to head out now, suns pretty much gone, " Parker intervenes, throwing me a nervous look. I'm not the one who is oozing testosterone and jealousy through their pores, like Everett.

I at least learned a few life lessons in prison, and one of them was determining which fights are worth the effort, or worth it to walk away.

A fight with Everett is never worth it.

We all walk back towards the parking lot, Emily and I trailing slowly behind. I stopped when I saw her pause in her step and take out her phone, turning back towards the spot where we built the sand castle.

"Stand next to it, " she says and gestures over to it.

"What, why?" I ask, but slowly move backwards.

She holds her phone up. "I want to get a picture, so we can remember the day you built your first sand castle."

My heart stutters a little at the thought, and seeing the gleeful smile on her face as she motions for me to stand next to the sand castle. I stand there awkwardly, not sure how to place myself, and she snaps the picture.

"Hold on, " she says and rushes over to stand next to me. "Let's take a picture with it together." She motions for me to crouch down with her next to the sand castle, so it's visible in the background behind us.

I feel her cuddle into the crook of my arm, prompting me to throw it over her shoulder so we can squeeze into the frame more. I can feel her heartbeat against my chest, and it's beating almost as fast as mine, giving me the small hope that she might feel the same.

That I have the same effect on her.

I look towards the camera, and see our faces staring back at us. I look into her eyes through the phone, which are distracted by smiling up at the top of the phone where the camera sits. She snaps the photo, but I get a final look at it before it swipes to the side, and I realize something.

At some point, right before she snapped the photo, I stopped looking at the phone and turned my gaze to admire her. Thankfully, she quickly tucks her phone away in her pocket and we rush up to join the others, not overlooking the picture.

I know later on, however, she is going to look at it, and realize I'm not staring at the camera.

I'm staring at her.

I'm going to be so busted.