When you are back

2001

"Charlie!"

"God, Liz! You scared me!"

Charlie pressed her hand to her chest, where her heart was beating wildly. Oh, that Liz with her habit of sneaking up silently!

"What are you hiding there?" Liz craned her neck, trying to see the inside of the closet behind her sister.

"I'm not hiding anything! Will you stop snooping around here?" Charlie got angry.

"You are hiding something." Liz narrowed her eyes. "If you don't show me, I'll tell our mother!"

You are such a snitch!" Charlie stamped her foot, but she stepped back from the closet.

"Wow! What a beauty, Charlie!"

Liz gazed admiringly at the soft peach dress of silk and lace. Charlie was not afraid that their mother would see the dress. It's quite opposite, she would only be happy to see her daughter in something other than pants and shorts. Charlie did not want too much attention, because the family would certainly make a big event out of it.

"What is it for you?"

Liz stared suspiciously at a blushing Charlie.

"Liz, don't even bother!"

"Does it happen to be connected with the ball this Saturday and one shaggy guy?" Liz asked with a smile.

"It's none of your business," Charlie grumbled as she put the dress back in the closet.

Liz is so annoying!

"Hm. It just got weird."

"What?"

Liz slightly arched her thin brows.

"Melissa Matthews said her little sister had already asked Oliver Scott to come to the ball with her."

"Ollie?" Charlie's eyes widened. "My Ollie?"

Liz shrugged.

"Maybe not yours already."

Charlie gave her sister an angry look and ran out of the room. She had to find out immediately what Liz was talking about.

Ollie invited some girl to the prom? What is this news?! Yes, they did not agree that they would go together, but Charlie did not think that this was required.

The girl wheeled her bike out of the garage and headed towards Ollie's house, which was on the next street.

Ollie's room was on the second floor, but Charlie had no problem climbing a tree whose branches reached the roof, and she climbed onto one of them, and from there she had to whisk through the window. Once she was in the room, Charlie saw that it was empty.

Charlie paced the carpet with her hands on her hips, breathing loudly in anger. Well, where was he? His lacrosse practice was supposed to end half an hour ago. It would have been easier if she and Ollie had cell phones, almost everybody at school had cell phones, but her parents together with Ollie's parents thought it was too much.

Charlie was on her fifteenth lap when the door opened, when Ollie walked into the room with boots over his shoulder.

"Damn it, Charlie!" The boy shuddered, he was not expecting to see anyone.

"Oliver Scott, did you invite someone to the prom?" Charlie attacked him without wasting time on greetings - they saw each other today already.

"Um... Yes." Oliver hesitated, feeling blood rush to his cheeks. Only after he invited Holly Matthews he realized Charlie might not be thrilled about it.

"Did you fall in love with her?" The girl asked sullenly. She was confused at first, but then she got angry. She tried on a mountain of dresses like an idiot until she found one she thought he would like.

"Charlie, don't be stupid!" Ollie opened the closet doors, tossing his boots into the depths of the closet. "Listen, this is just a ball. You said it yourself that these gatherings suck."

Charlie rolled her eyes: the bastard is using her words against her!

"Yes, it sucks, but I thought we'd go there together to make fun of the fools who care about it," Charlie lied without faltering.

"We will! The only thing that will be different is that I will come with Holly. Is that a problem?"

Ollie stared at her, waiting for an answer. Charlie wanted to show him her tongue, but then she remembered that they were already fourteen. It is impossible to express all manifestations of feelings through sticking a tongue out.

But what an idiot Ollie is!

How could he think that she was ready to have fun if Holly was gonna be there, who, of course, finds him attractive. Not that Charlie herself thought he was that handsome, although Ollie had gotten so tall over the past summer and his shoulders had become wider from playing lacrosse. He also wore long bangs, even though she teased Ollie about resembling a poodle.

"As you wish. If you want to come with Holly, then come."

Charlie's words and appearance did not match. She didn't know what to say to discourage him from going with another girl, and she was especially annoyed by that.

"That's what I'm planning on doing," Ollie said defensively, glaring at Charlie unfriendly. It was their first conflict in a long time. And it's not even that Ollie really wanted to go to the ball with Holly Matthews, but he was tired of the guys from the team teasing about him and Charlie.

"Congratulations! Now I can come with someone else as well," Charlie blurted out before she had time to think. "I used to think you'd be alone, but now if you're with Holly..."

"Who are you coming with?" Oliver cut her off. He suddenly didn't like the idea that Charlie could go to the prom with some boy from their school.

" Doesn't matter." Charlie raised her chin. "You'll see him yourself on Saturday."

And using the same way she entered, Charlie left Oliver Scott's room, wondering how to get out of the situation now.

***

"Hey Alex!"

Alex Williams flinched and turned around, his eyebrows raised in surprise at the sight of Charlie Pierce lurking behind a locker. Actually, her name was Charlotte, but everyone, including the teachers, called the girl Charlie.

"Come here!"

Charlie pointed at Alex, and he came closer.

Charlie knew that Alex played with Ollie in the same lacrosse team, even though they weren't friends. This was the main reason why she decided to invite Alex to the ball. The girl was very nervous and hoped that Alex would not turn her down.

Ollie should regret bringing Holly with him when he sees her with Alex Williams.

"What is it, Pierce?"

Alex was intrigued. Yes, Charlie is a pretty girl, although she dresses and acts like a typical tomboy. But she was inseparable with Oliver Scott, everyone knows that.

"Have you asked anyone to come to the ball with you?" Charlie blurted out in one breath.

The boy shook his head in confusion.

"Nope."

"Will you come with me?"

"Aren't you going with Scott?" He asked suspiciously.

Charlie clenched her jaw.

"Will you go or not?"

Alex agreed without thinking twice, and he and Charlie agreed on the upcoming Saturday.

Well, hold on, Ollie.

***

Charlie looked angry all week and avoided Oliver, but he did not apologize, believing that his friend was acting childish. If she doesn't want to talk to him first, then be it.

Sometimes Ollie would forget about their argument and dialed her number, but then he stopped himself and hung up.

He didn't want to admit it, but Ollie really missed the long conversations with Charlie. For the majority of their lives, Ollie and Charlie talked to each other almost every day, except when someone was away to visit relatives or summer camp.

So by Saturday, when it was time to get ready for the ball, Ollie got quite bored. Screw this Holly Matthews! All he could think about was Charlie!

Ollie was also pissed off about her going to the prom with Alex Williams. It wasn't that Oliver didn't like Alex, but any guy who was attracted to Charlie in one way or another made him dislike them.

Ollie realized it was a mistake to ask Holly out a minute into their date. His companion chatted nonstop about some stupid things, which made him bored. Only good manners he got after his mother, kept Ollie from asking Holly to shut up. But about half an hour after the prom started, the appearance of Charlie made Holly's chatter inaccessible to Oliver's ears.

Charlie and Alex entered the gym, decorated for the dance night.

Charlie was wearing a dress - a beautiful pale peach dress. Her hair was gathered at the top of her head and fell in soft ringlets over her bare, fragile shoulders. Ollie had never seen Charlie, his Charlie, wearing a dress until tonight. And something strange happened to him: although he was sincerely admiring her, Ollie also felt angry, because this dress made Charlie someone else.

Ollie could not take his eyes off his friend the entire evening, even when he was dancing with that boring Holly. And Charlie did her best to pretend not to notice him. Ollie really hoped that this was just her ploy, because Charlie could not forget about him.

Having seized the moment when Williams was out somewhere, and Charlie was left alone, Ollie made up his mind and approached her.

"Why are you dressed up so funny, Charlie?" Ollie asked with an angry sneer. "Did you try to impress Williams?"

The girl shot him an angry look, but at the same time her lower lip twitched. She wanted to be beautiful, and first of all for him, but he considered her stupid and funny!

Charlie wanted to cry.

"You are such a fool, Oliver!"

"You are the one who is a true fool, Pierce!" Ollie got even angrier.

Charlie nudged him in the chest and left, and he dejectedly wandered back to Holly Matthews.

That evening, Oliver Mason Scott kissed a girl for the first time, while at the same moment Charlotte Pierce was crying in the toilet stall because of her best friend.

Charlie

Until tonight, I did not know that choosing a coffin could be so difficult.

"Which tree do you prefer?"

"Satin or silk upholstery?"

"This one is a little more expensive, but it's larger in size."

I barely restrained myself from an inappropriate question: "Do you think it will be cramped there?"

Mom did not cry, there was not a single emotion on her face at all. I thought that when I returned, I would find my always strong mother to be a wreck in tears, but I was wrong. It scares me. But do I really want to see her cry? Maybe then it would be easier for me to realize the full scale of the tragedy that came to our family.

Do I really want my mom to cry?

This must be making me a lousy person.

After an hour spent at the funeral home, I feel ready to snap. I don't want to choose a coffin for my father. I don't care what wood it's made of or what upholstery it has inside. I want my dad to be alive and be able to tell him how much I love him.

I want to call Ollie and tell him how much it hurts me that I will never see my father and never be able to apologize to him. It also hurts because I can't just pick up the phone and call Ollie.

I went out into the air and, grabbing the handrail, squeezed it until my fingers hurt. And that's when I broke down.

Here comes one more event in my life that I can't fix.

Oliver Mason Scott once called me spoiled. He was just joking then, and we both laughed at it. But Ollie was right - I'm spoiled.

***

In the evening, when we returned home, I told my mother that I wanted to fully pay for my father's funeral.

"For God's sake, Charlotte, I can pay for my husband's funeral myself!"

Mom's voice sounded slightly annoyed, and then she went up to her bedroom. From the moment I got home, I felt she had a hidden disappointment in me.

My relationship with my mom wasn't bad, but it got complicated a few years ago, and although we never talked about what happened, I felt like my mom's attitude towards me had changed forever.

"Mom is mad at me," I shared with Liz as we sorted through the food that friends and neighbors had brought.

My sister looked at me as she put another casserole in the fridge.

"You know why."

For a moment, I got tense. I was afraid that Liz might find out, but no - if she knew, she would have immediately called me at the same moment and demanded an explanation. Nobody but mom knows.

"You should have visited them more often, Charlie," Liz said reproachfully. "Dad asked you to come visit so many times."

Liz was right, her words are true, but I still wanted to defend myself.

"You know I couldn't. He's here, and I... can't," I muttered, shaking my head.

"Jesus, Charlie, nobody gives a damn!" Liz could not restrain herself, and I flinched as if from a slap in the face. "Even Oliver himself. He lives his life, just like you, by the way! This is childish on your part. You shouldn't have turned your dad down because of your old problems with Oliver!"

"Do you think I don't know this?" I also raised my voice, and tears of remorse filled my eyes. "Do you think I don't reproach myself for this? This will always haunt me, Liz!"

A guilty expression flickered across her face.

"Charlie, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

"Hey, what's going on here?"

Emily entered the kitchen, looking at us in surprise. Her eyes were red and puffy because Emily was crying most of the time. She is the youngest and is still studying at the university.

In some ways, it's a little bit more difficult to Emily than to others.

"We argued a little." I tried to smile. "Nothing serious."

I extended my arms to my younger sister, and she readily accepted my embrace. Our father died, but our family still lived, and that helped keep us going.

***

When everyone was asleep, I quietly left the house and my feet carried me to the next street, to Oliver's house. I didn't know for sure, but most likely he hadn't lived there for a long time. Ever since their mother had abandoned them and went away, a pale shadow of sorrow had settled in the Scotts' house forever. The flowers withered, the shutters often stood for a long time, in need of painting, and it seemed that even the light in the windows had dimmed.

Ollie confessed to me that he longed to get out of his parents' house as soon as he could, and felt guilty in front of his father for wanting to do this.

During the first few days after Mrs. Scott left, Ollie and I would often talk about why she did that and how she could have made up her mind. But one day Ollie looked at me seriously and spoke in such a harsh tone that I had never heard from him before.

"Never talk about her again, Charlie. She left my dad and I. She decided that we were not a good fit into her future life plans. From this day forward, I will think that my mother is dead."

This was the last time he mentioned her. Ollie couldn't forgive the woman who gave birth to him. So could he forgive me when I swore I would never leave him, but then broke my vow?

The house was dark, but I could see the bluish glow of the TV in the living room through the uncurtained window. I couldn't tell from there, but I was pretty sure Ollie wasn't there. I couldn't feel him. I don't really believe in mysticism, but somehow it happened that Ollie and I always felt each other.

I stood under a tree and looked at the house where many days of my childhood and youth were spent. My gaze lingered on the roof for a long time, and for a moment it seemed to me that I saw Ollie and I in those days that have long since sunk into oblivion.

2003

"Father said that she had an affair with that man a long time ago," Oliver said, inhaling and puffing out the smoke.

"And Mr. Scott knew about it?" Charlie's eyes bulged and her mouth opened, she was looking like a washed-up fish. Her whole body and mind were softened from smoking weed that Ollie had got somewhere.

"He says no, but I don't really believe him." Ollie's face twisted.

Charlie was mad at Mrs. Scott because Ollie was suffering, and when Ollie was suffering, Charlie was also suffering.

"Ollie," Charlie moved closer to him, grabbed his biceps, and pressed her cheek against him, "Everything will be fine."

"You can't know that, Charlie." Ollie took another drag, suddenly aware of the nearness of the girl next to him.

Their relationship with Charlie over the past year has become... strange. They were still friends, but Ollie suspected that not all friends were as close as he and Charlie were. Over the past year, Ollie has been thinking a lot about girls and sex. Sometimes about sex with Charlie. These thoughts disturbed the boy. But gotta admit: he thought for a long time that Charlie was something more than a friend.

There were more touches. They gave each other looks behind which there was something hidden, but no one spoke about what was happening.

"But I know!" Charlie lifted her face and looked stubbornly at Ollie, not knowing what thoughts he was having.

And at that moment, Ollie later justified it by saying that weed gave him courage, he leaned over and kissed Charlie's lips. It was a little awkward and rushed, but as soon as he tasted it ... Charlie (Charlotte) Pierce was forever firmly rooted in the heart of Oliver Mason Scott.

"Olly," Charlie whispered fearfully as Oliver pulled away from her, panting, "Did you kiss me?"

"Yeah." That was the only thing that Oliver managed to say out loud. He felt ashamed, and not for the kiss, but for the fact that he was aroused because of the kiss.

Damn these hormones!

"So how is it?" Charlie asked slyly, biting her lip. It wasn't that she was surprised by the kiss, everything was leading up to it, but she wasn't expecting it right now.

"Are you angry?" Ollie was worried.

"Why should I be angry? Ollie, it would have happened anyway," Charlie smiled condescendingly.

Ollie looked dubiously at the remains of his joint and stubbed it out on the rooftop.

"So... hmm, now what?"

He pretended to be very busy looking at the deserted night street.

"Ollie," Charlie called out with a soft drawl. "Do it again," She said when Oliver looked at her again.

Charlie smiled at him with a new, gentle smile, and her eyes were shining with expectation. Ollie was worried, but he dared to put his hand on her cheek. He put his hand on her cheek and realized how soft and tender it was, and repeated the kiss, but not so hastily this time. He was afraid of doing it the wrong way and scaring Charlie away. Ollie gently slid over the girl's lips, praying she didn't notice how aroused he was.

To Oliver's surprise, Charlie threw a leg over him and straddled his knees.

Now she will definitely feel everything!

Charlie knew Ollie all too well and saw that he was too cautious. At this very moment, their friendship broke. It won't be the same as before, but it could be much better. Or vice versa, but Charlie didn't want to think about it.

She showed him that he should not be afraid, and that she liked what he was doing. He could be bolder. And Ollie got the message right. Emboldened, he parted her lips with his tongue, plunging into the warmth of the girl's mouth.

Charlie was not the first girl that Oliver Scott kissed, but she was the one who will always be the first in his heart.

Charlie

I used to think that the day of the funeral must necessarily be cloudy, cold and rainy. How can the sun shine and the birds chirp when you are experiencing a loss?

This is wrong, but if such a conclusion were true, the sun would never come out from behind the clouds, and the ground would not dry out. Every day someone loses someone. Everyone is going through their own little drama at this very moment. This is a process that equals the sign of infinity.

Mom bursted into tears during the cemetery. Right during the speech of the Reverend. Liz hugged her trembling shoulders, and I felt relieved. It kept me on my toes more than I thought.

My father was buried, and many people said so many nice things about him, and I... I was angry at the sun, because it had no right to shine today! The sun should have been in mourning because my dad was worthy of it.

When Liz tossed her handful of earth onto the lid of the coffin, I stepped forward and did the same, silently asking my dad for forgiveness.

"You deserve a better daughter than I was."

The last part of the ceremony was condolences. I know that all these people sincerely mourned his death, but I wanted to escape from the stream of sympathetic phrases. Are they really that helpful?

Of course not.

"Thanks." I forced my lips into a sad smile, and Mrs. Harris finally moved away.

Desperate, I glanced over the hill, dreaming of hiding behind it.

I forgot how to breathe for a moment, but my heart was beating at a double speed.

"Charlie!" Liz called me, but I was already running towards this hill, but not because of the forgotten desire to escape. I was catching up with my past in Oliver Mason Scott.

I will recognize Ollie anytime and anywhere, even if I can only see the back of his head.

The heels were sinking into the ground, and I regretted not wearing flat shoes.

"Ollie!" I called when the distance between us was close enough so that I didn't have to yell at the whole cemetery. "Oliver!"

I didn't know what I should call him now, so I used both names. I have always preferred Ollie.

My Ollie...

Although he was not mine for a long time.

He stopped and turned around, and I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. It was the Ollie I knew, but he had changed during the time we hadn't seen each other. His hair has gotten a little longer since we last met in LA, and there was a little stubble on his face. And Ollie has definitely matured. A real grown-up man was standing in front of me. And I loved him the same way I did ten years ago. Loved the same as always.

And I always will.

It was strange to see Ollie wearing a white shirt. The last time he was wearing it was probably on our wedding day. But who knows, maybe he likes wearing them now? I've missed so much of his life since I left Langley.

"Hi!" I said as his lips curled into the smile I knew so well.

"Hi." He came closer to me, and I became even more nervous, like a shy girl. "How are you?"

My Ollie's eyes looked sad, and I wanted to tell him the truth. I never liked to lie to Ollie. I wish I could say that I didn't.

"Shitty," I replied, nodding. "You know..."

I didn't talk, and I didn't need to.

"I'm sorry, Charlie. Mitch was a good person."

"Thanks." I said in one breath, I felt the tears were welling up in my eyes. "And thanks for coming."

Ollie shrugged.

"How could I have done otherwise?"

I suddenly felt embarrassed and didn't know what to say. Ollie always did the right thing. Sometimes it seemed to me that all our old tricks happened only because of me. I pushed Ollie to do them, and he agreed, because he could never refuse me.

I felt ashamed because I thought that he might not come today. I guess Ollie stayed aside because I didn't notice him, and because of my frustration, I couldn't even feel him.

"Are you coming over tonight?" I hopefully looked at him. "People brought so much food, I don't know what we're going to do with it..." I trailed off because that wasn't what I wanted to tell him. "Come on, Ollie. I would like it very much."

I feared he would refuse when hesitation appeared in his eyes. It wouldn't have happened before, but I had to remind myself that it was my fault that our relationship turned this way.

"I don't know, Charlie." Ollie ran a hand through his hair, and for the first time his restraint betrayed him.

"Please, Ollie." I stepped closer to him. I almost had to beg him, but I didn't care, because I wanted him to be there during this difficult time for me.

He took a deep breath and nodded.

"Okay. I'll be there, Charlie."

I smiled, and this sad day became a little brighter.