What if I die?

TW: Please expect the sensitive content. The topic is more about Violence Against the Woman or so called (Marital Abuse). Physically and Emotionally abusive may destroy your self-worth and lead to anxiety/depression.

"Tyron, please... let me go. I'm begging you, please." I made an attempt to free myself from his grasp, but he's too strong and not even listening to my dramatic plea. I can sense his anger and it's making me weak and my knees tremble. His hold on my wrist was so tight, that I couldn't stop myself but to shred from tears. He just continued dragging me through the dark cage where he often took me and locked me down whenever he didn't like what I was doing.

"T-tyron, it hurts.. please." My heart is clenching, I just felt like crying and begging him to free me, but it's too impossible for him to listen to me. He's really angry and I don't know what I did this time.

"Would you shut the hell up?! You really don't have any idea that you ruined everything, right? You ruined my life, Ciara Hilvano. You ruined everything! And now you're hoping that I'll forgive you?! Hell no! I will make you suffer for everything that you did. As long as you live under my roof and you're in my hands, you will suffer. Did you understand that?! I will make you feel how to have a damn hellish life, just like how you made me feel since you came to my life!" He exclaimed from the top of its lungs.

I couldn't help but drop the tears that were forming in my eyes when he hung those lines, unable to believe that he was blaming me for something that I didn't do.

𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘮𝘺 𝘧𝘢𝘶𝘭𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘛𝘺𝘳𝘰𝘯.

"Just... please, let me go. You're hurting me.." While tears streamed down my cheeks, I forced myself to escape again from his grip on my arm. But he didn't pay attention to me; instead he pushed me and walked from behind me, as he slightly stooped, making his breath brush against my cheek.

"I will make sure that you will regret everything. I will turn your life into hell as long as I see you breathing." I couldn't look at him but I knew his eyes were glaring at me. His breathing was so heavy and cold that it made me stop from breathing for a moment. After he hit that line, he pushed me away violently causing me to fall from the floor. I could not help but to shut my eyes as I covered my mouth and cried silently.

"Get up." He commanded but I didn't move. My knees were already trembling, I couldn't even feel my body anymore because of the pain, I could barely see anything and my vision was starting to get dim. How could I even get up in my situation right now?

"I said, get up!" he exclaimed. I had no choice but to try what he wanted, but I just ended up lying on the floor again. It hurts. It hurts so much that I could just lie down here all my life and never get up anymore.

I just wanted to lie with my body getting cold and lifeless on the floor. That could be better than this, I guess. I wouldn't feel any pain if I'd let my body surrender already.

Trembling, shaking and weakening. What else should I feel? Is this really what I deserved? I can't really do it anymore, can I just give up? There's no sense of living anymore, tho.

"I can't take it anymore." I muffled myself, letting my tears fall even though I can't even feel it escaping from my eyes. I'm too tired to feel anything.

I just felt his heavy footsteps coming toward me and sitting in front of me.

"Why does it have to be you?" When I heard him uttering those words, I looked up at him, and hoped I hadn't done it. I just hope I didn't look into him just to see his dark aura. I could feel his rage and saw the coldness in his eyes. My heart was shattering, I couldn't look at his eyes, that's why I immediately lowered my head, and averted my gaze on him.

"Why do you have to be alive?" My lips loosened up as I sensed the bitterness in his voice. It is as if he hates my existence so much that he has to do something for me to be gone already.

"Why do you even need to be existed in this fucking world if you're just going to ruin my life!" Suddenly, I was taken aback. My mouth started to shake as my eyes expanded, when I felt a cold thing pointed at my forehead, my entire system seemed to tremble when I realized what he was holding and pointing at me.

𝘈.. 𝘎𝘶𝘯?

"N-no.. Tyron, no. Please, don't do this.." I felt like my body turned into rock, I couldn't move, my breathing started to get heavier, my chest was moving thru up and down because of nervousness. My heart was breaking again and again, I can't recognize him anymore. I can only see the rage, pain, and hatred from him, and the pity I used to see in his eyes has vanished, leaving me fearful and anxious.

"Do you know what will happen to you once I shoot this damn gun to your head, huh?" He scoffed at me, while his eyes were full of anger.

"I-im sorry, please forgive me for whatever I've done. J-just, please.. put it down, Ty. It's not funny, you're scaring me, stop doing this to me, I'm begging you. . please!" The uncontrollable tears that were shredding down on my face didn't stop anymore, I couldn't breathe properly, my eyes were getting blurry again. It's aching and breaking me, seeing the man I love were not scared anymore to hurt me.

But it seems like his heart has turned into stone already, he can't even listen to me.

"Shut up, I'm tired of your bullshit. So, shut up! Once I pulled this fucking triggerto you, you'll probably be dead. But because I love how you begged for your life," he put down the gun and a sarcastic smirk plastered on his lips.

"I'll let you live," he added, ''that makes me break down.

"You still have a chance to say goodbye to your loved ones who don't even care about you. Go for it. I won't stop you, anyway. At least, bid a goodbye to them before you leave this world, right? Isn't it respectful to leave them without saying goodbye?" He chuckled, I was momentarily taken aback when he stated that, my foggy vision fixed on him as he pointed out my parents hating me. I smiled bitterly, what's not to believe about that, it's the truth anyway.

He hated me, my parents hated me. I hate myself, everyone hates me. What else could I expect? No one ever wants to accept me in their lives. It's my destiny to be hated by everyone, that's not new to me. It's always like this, same old shit.

"It's true, isn't it? That is why they force me to marry you, it is all because you're such a burden to them! Unluckily, I didn't know that, that's why I'm here. Suffering because of you." His sharp eyes darted on me. I couldn't help but lean my head down and take a deep breath. I didn't have any more tears to shred and my eyes and body were already exhausted. It'll just be nonsense if I don't stop from sobbing.

"Worthless!" Just as he pushed me inside the dark, cramped room, was the loss of my consciousness as my head accidently hit the wall.

𝘐'𝘮 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺.

𝘐'𝘮 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺 𝘪𝘧 𝘐'𝘮 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘩 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳.

I darted my attention on the ceiling of my own room while resting in my bed. I have just woke up but I can already feel the coldness of my surroundings. It is just so frustrating and makes me feel so sick.

Why did I even end up in this situation? Is it really my fault that I become selfish just for once in my lifetime?

I just shake my head when I think again of the past. If I didn't demand from the things I want back then, won't my life end up a mess like this?

"Ciara!" I was instantly able to bounce back from bed when I heard my husband's loud exclamation from the first floor of our house. I hurried out of my room and ran down from the stairs. As I finally got down, I saw him dressed and seemed ready to go somewhere, his eyebrows were knitted that made him look so grumpy.

Where will he go again this time? Didn't he just leave yesterday? He's leaving so often, and I don't know where he goes. But still, I have a right to know, right? I'm still his wife. I have a right to know everything he will plan to do.

"You're leaving again? Where will you go this time?" I dare to ask him, though it's pretty obvious in my voice that I'm too nervous to speak to him, but still I managed to hide it from him. I don't know, but, every time I need to face and talk to him, I never lose the fear that was engulfing my whole system, it's always like this. My knees keep trembling every time he gives me a veiled look. But I couldn't do anything about how I feel towards him, because the feeling of wanting to see him and to be with him were prevailing, even if he didn't feel the same way.

I waited for him to speak, but I didn't get a reply from him. Instead, he just removed the glasses he was wearing and gently rolled rubbed the bridge of his nose, as if he were tired of answering my stupid questions.

"W-why did you call me-" I haven't even finished what I got to say, when his palm hitted my cheeks. My lips were loosened because of shock and disbelief. I didn't expect that, and didn't see it coming. My eyes pinned on the sofa near me as I fought my back tears. I could even barely open my mouth when I felt the heat and dampness of the tears that were filling on the sides of my eyes. It hurts. It's so sick. I shut my eyes and inhaled some air just to ease the pain and stop the tears booming in my eyes.

It was just a slap, Cia. Don't cry.

I don't want to cry anymore. Please, Ciara. The tears were enough for you to get hurt. Aren't you tired?

Again, I unleashed a heavy sigh before turning my gazed up on him again and meeting his wicked, dark eyes that seemed to be furious. I gulped.

"Really, what is the use of you being alive?" I averted my gaze as I heard him uttering those words that made my heart clenched.

"You didn't even bother cleaning up this freaking mess?" He pointed out the trash that was cluttering around.

But he's the one who made it.

"What's your plan in life beside from sleeping all day inside your fucking room? For pete sake, it's already afternoon, yet you haven't cooked any food, Ciara! Are you really just going to lie down there and have fun?!" He exclaimed that made my head down.

'How could I even do the things I have to do, if you keep locking me in the abandoned room and you're just going to let me out only if you want.' I wanted to open my mouth to speak for myself, but silence prevailed on me, because he has a point. I have to get up early to cook for him because every wives really do that for their husbands. I'm just the one who's dramatic here.

"I-im sorry-" he cutted me off.

"Get lost!" My lips loosened up when he pushed me away, which caused me to fall on the floor, but instead of paying attention and enduring the pain, I just quickly got up to follow him as he was about to leave the house.

"Tyron..." I stopped running and gulped when he glared at me.

"Can you wait? Just give me a second, I'll make lunch for you." I tried to stop him from leaving, but I was also immediately stopped when he uttered something that made my heart clenched.

"There's no need. Waiting for you is such a waste of time." He mumbled. I can feel my body shaking.

"W-wait. Can you at least tell me where you were going? What time will you be back? I'm going to prepare a food for you." I tried to clear my voice when I asked him again, but because of his dark aura, the nervousness in my chest only increased, causing me to stutter.

I smiled bitterly because of the fact that he was just forced to marry me. To this day he still can't love me.

"You don't have to wait for me because I'll be seeing my wife. Do whatever you want. Just don't you fucking dare leaving my house and try to outrun me." It was a cold response from him, before he was completely out of sight. But I got stuck where I was standing when he said something that made me frozen and kept on echoing inside my head.

I'm used to how he always threatened me, but... he has a wife? Beside me?

The fact that he only had forcibly married me made me smile bitterly. He still cannot love me until now. He never once made me feel that I was his wife. What should I even expect?

2 years ago..

MEMORY

"Can you fucking leave and get out of my sight?!" His very loud voice echoed in the four corners of our house, causing me to shut my eyes tightly. It's been a month since we got married and moved into the same house, we got along well at first, but since he started drowning himself in alcohol, his treatment of me has changed, but I try to understand and I just accept all the painful words he's throwing at me, knowing he was just drunk.

"Ty, you're drunk. Give me that glass, please. I'll take you to your room, too," I tried on reaching out for a glass he was holding with wine still in his hand.

"Didn't I tell you to leave?! Can't you fucking get that? Is it that hard to understand? I said. Leave."

"You're drunk, Tyron. Please, listen to me at least once. You're not the only one who's having a hard time here," I pleaded. I've stopped him earlier, but he really doesn't want to listen.

"Then go," I was momentarily taken aback by what he said.

"What are you saying?" He scoffed as he averted his gaze on me. My vision was starting to get blurry, but it still remained pinned on him.

"Why did you even need to come into my life?" My heart seemed to pound as his sharp eye turned toward me.

"Are you that dumb for you not to be aware of it?" He clicked his tongue inside his mouth.

"I still wonder why you agreed to this fucking arranged marriage, though it's obvious to you that I don't like you and I want to marry someone else," my lips parted.

"Are you that desperate?" That question devastated my heart. I could feel the corner of my eye getting wet from the pain I was feeling.

Desperate? Is that how he looked at me?

"Well, congrats. You completely ruined my fucking life."

"What are you saying? You're drunk," my lips quivered, forcing the conversation to change.

"And now you're acting as if you're the one who's innocent here, huh? Did you even know that you ruined my life? You didn't fucking know how much I'm damn wasted right now, because I lost the only person I loved just because of this freaking nonsense marriage!"

My eyes were spared when I felt my tears running down my cheeks. I knew that I was the only one who wanted it, but he didn't have to make me feel that it was my fault.

"It's not my fault," I said softly. I barely jumped in when I heard him chuckling after he stood up from sitting on the sofa.

"Really?" He asked sarcastically.

"I begged you, Ciara. I begged you not only twice, but fucking a lot of times! I beg you to help me not to continue this marriage because you know, you know at the time that I was about to propose to someone I love. But what did you do? You were the one who forced your parents to continue the wedding, even though it's obvious that I already have a plan and I don't want to stick with you! You're so selfish, do you even know that? Do you know how evil you are? You ruined my life."

My heart was even more broken by the last thing he said. And I know that's true. I became selfish at that time, because I wanted to be with you even though I knew you loved someone else, but is it that bad to hope that there's still a chance to for you to love me? I know I'm wrong, but that's the only way I had, so even though I know you don't want to, I still insisted because of my own will, even though I knew that the decision I was making would only damage your life.

"I'm sorry."

I had so much in mind to say, but that's the only word that came out of my mouth.

"Your sorry won't change the story, you still marry me as a reason to lose the person I love." I felt his footsteps approaching me, but I kept my own head bowed and my eyes fixed on the floor.

"It's your fault, so don't expect me to love you back, because no matter what you do, you're still the reason why I lost everything." He left me dumbfounded.

End of flashback

Tyron's pov

When I see my girl running towards me, a genuine smile plastered on my face. She's here.

"Honey!" She cried as she wrapped her arms around me tightly, as though she hadn't seen me for a long time.

"You're hefe." I hugged her back and let her feel the warmth of my hug.

"You miss me?"

"You don't know how much I'm missing you, hon. I've been thinking about you lately, I thought you wouldn't show up again." I gently laughed.

"Come on, I've only been gone for a week," I joked, making her even more frustrated.

"I hate you!"

"Kidding, don't be sad anymore. Look, I have something for you." I took the small box out of my pocket and opened it in front of her. A smile gently drew on my face, when her small smile flashed on her lips again.

"Hony .." She almost cried when I took the pendant necklace out of the tiny box and put it unto her.

"Do you like it?" I asked, but I didn't receive an answer from her. She was speechless and unable to remove sight at the necklace I put on her. I couldn't help but to smile, knowing that she liked what I gave to her.

"Hon, this is too much.." He hugged me and looked up at me in a rush.

"I love it, I love you." I cupped her face and planted a kiss on her forehead.

"But I don't have a gift for you."

"It's okay, your presence is enough as a gift."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"God, I don't deserve you. I love you," she cried.

"Of course, you do. Who said you don't deserve me?"

"Me, I just said it. Are you deaf?" I chuckled softly before booping her nose as she scrunched it. I really miss her, a lot. Like, a damn lot.