What The Heart Desires

He shall never know I love him; and that not because he's handsome, but because he's more myself than I am.

- Emily Brontè.

Chapter one

Ivy's POV

It's over Ivy, I can't do this anymore'.

I remember how my eyes drooped as I stared at the text message from Micheal on my phone, Micheal's abrupt message pierced me like a shrad of grass, leaving me feeling broken and shattered. How I rushed to see him for an explanation, and how his words cut me through like a knife.

"You're not the girl I thought you were, Ivy. You are boring, unimaginative, and suffocating. I need someone who's more than a pretty face, you're not enough, you will never be enough."

He told me that it had been fun but he's done, that some other girl had caught his fancy. And when I tearfully told him I loved him, all he could say was "thanks, but I think it's high time we moved on."

My dreams in the following weeks were filled of him, I woke up every morning hating him for treating me the way he did, and myself for giving him that much power over me.

"Ivy! Someone's at the door." My mother called from the kitchen, I groaned, turning in my bed. "Oh God."

Of course I knew who it was, it's my best friend, Tracy, we had planned to go to Starbucks and have our favorite vanilla flavoured ice cream and chocolate cookies, well she planned.

I knew it was part of her plan to get me leave the comfort of my room for a second and go into the world again.

Sluggishly, I stood up from my bed and walked towards the door, my arms hung limp at my side, weighing a thousand pounds each, as if the mere thought of leaving my room was too exhausting to consider.

As I opened the door, the sweet aroma of freshly baked pancakes wafted from the kitchen, making my stomach growl with hunger.

My eyes grazing blankly at the floor as I muttered a half-hearted 'I will get it Mom' in response.

When I opened the door, Tracy's bright smile and alluring blue eyes greeted me, her voice booming through the hallway,

"Hey, girl! she exclaimed, her opened arms inviting me for a hug.

I smiled lazily as I mutter a warm 'hey' in response to Tracy's cheerful greeting, I relax into the warmth of her embrace, feeling the softness of her orange cotton sweater and the gentle pressure of her hands on my back.

But she didn't allow it linger much longer as she drew me back, holding me in place with her hands, her eyes studies me.

"Don't tell me you aren't dressed yet".

"What do you mean? I'm not naked, am I?" I replied playfully, shifting my body to allow her come in.

"Oh, you know what I mean," She rolls her eyes. "We planned to go out today, don't tell me you forgot, cause I know you didn't". She said coming into the house.

"Hmm, what's that coming from the kitchen? My God! what's your mom making?" Tracy asks sniffing her way towards the kitchen.

"She's making pancakes." I replied, following her into the kitchen, but stops in my tracks. My mom was humming a familiar song that I grew up hearing and loving. It was hers and my late father's favorite song, 'We've got tonight; by Kenny Roger.

"Hi ! Ma'am" Tracy greets, smiling her way into the kitchen.

"Hey! Tracy darling, how are you doing?"

My mother had always liked my friendship with Tracy.

In highschool when Tracy's mom divorced her father, leaving her behind. Mom would always pack extra lunch, so I could share with Tracy, and often, Tracy would stay with us for days refusing to go home. My mom have always been more welcoming towards her than to my other friends.

"I'm doing just fine ma'am."

" And your father? Hope he is doing great too?" Mom expertly flipped the pancakes, the sizzling sound feeling the kitchen.

" Yeah, he is" Tracy mutters dryly, Tracy doesn't like discussing her father.

"Who wants pancakes? Mom asks.

" I do", Tracy and I chorus, both of us grinning.

"Mom where is London? Haven't seen him since I left my room."

London is my younger brother, the family's smile keeper. It's either he's in his room playing videogames or he is out playing football with Daren, a friend of mine who lives two blocks away from our house.

Mom turns to me, in an amused tone. "He is out with Daren, he said something about them planning on how best to deal with Michael for hurting you, in his words, no one hurts his sister and gets away with it."

" He'd better know what he's doing," I said, trying to keep a straight face but fails as a smile leaks it's way to both sides of my mouth. I drag a smiling Tracy to my room.

Getting into my room I shut my door and sat on my bed. "Tracy, sorry to cancel our plans but I'm not really in a state to be outside today."

" I know you're going through a tough time, Ivy , but I won't let you hide yourself in your room all day." Tracy dropped her slouchy grey totes on the armchair before joining me on the bed.

"I'm here for you, as a friend and a sister". She says sweetly to me.

" I know and I love you for that, but please understand" I plead, giving her my baby face look.

" Fine, then what do you suggest we do since I'm here already" she asks surveying my room.

"A good movie will be just fine." I answer smiling.

Ok, that will do, but first we need some fresh air." she said standing up and moving to the window, she pulls the curtains open.

As the curtains open, the bright sunlight streaming through the window highlighted the dust motes dancing in the air.

Twenty minutes into the movie, holding on to our plate of pancakes Mom brought, Tracy was so engrossed in the movie but I wasn't really feeling it.

"Oh come on! We all know that's not possible" I argued staring blankly at the screen.

" Yeah, we all know it isn't real, it's called fiction for a reason," Tracy counters taking a forkful of pancakes into her mouth.

"I miss my Ivy, you know, the one that loves romantic movies and stuffs.

"Well your Ivy is heartbroken" I replied leaning into the bed.

" I'd hate to say this now sweetheart, but I told you so, I told you Michael was bad news, it was written all over him, the way he treated and enslaved you in his lies was sickening".

" I was blindly in love with him, Tracy, I was foolish and I let him play with my heart." My voice cracks as I fight tears.

" Girl, don't you dare shed a tear over that stupid, undeserving Micheal" She reaches for my hand. " He's not worth it."

"I'd given everything to Michael, my first kiss, my love, my body" It takes me my all not to break down. " And he took it for granted, he said it to my face that I wasn't enough.

"No he's damn wrong, you are more than enough, and if he couldn't see that, then he lost."

I smiled looking at my best friend "I love you so much girl, you know that right." I said, my right hand havering on top her pancakes.

"I love you too but get your hands off my pancakes," She said moving her plate out of my reach. "This is the only place I get to eat food made with love, the food made at my place is too formal and serious."

"Yeah sorry for being a shitty friend by not asking about you, how are you holding up at home?" I asked concerned.

She shrugged nonchalantly "Same as always, I'm not allowed to do anything or go anywhere without people following and watching me like I'm a baby."

"Being the only child of our very own Mr Timothy Thomas comes with a price." I said smiling at her.

"Oh tell me about it, I'm just locked up in big Castle with no one to talk to, so yeah you can call me 'the forgotten princess'." She said rolling her eyes.

"No offense but you really do look like a princess, a pretty blonde princess with sapphire eyes" I said teasing her and she gives me that look that says ' not helping.'

" Okay, message passed, how's your gallery, you stuffing them up with paintings?".

"Its the only thing I'm allowed to do by myself, although I fear it would run out of space with my mental health these days" She drops her empty plate beside mine.

" I wanted to show you my recent drawings in my gallery if only you would leave your room for a moment." She said laying at her side, her hand supporting her face.

" I would love to see your paintings, princess." I reply and she throws her pillow at me, laughing.

" I know, maybe someother time."

Chapter Two

Tracy forced her eyes open as her driver, Mr Johnson, draws the car to a halt in front of her father's house. As if you'd call that a house, well it's more of a castle, a very boring, lonely one she'd grown up disliking for it's lonely and liveless atmosphere.

Stepping out of the car, she caught sight of Mrs Quinn, their house manager, walking towards her with her usual welcoming smile.

Clutching her designer handbag, Tracy hastened her pace towards her. Mrs Quinn had been the only person that had treated like she mattered after her mother left, she was always by her side and made sure her needs were attended to, while her father buried himself in work and women.

"Tracy dear", Mrs Quinn walked up to her and drawed her in for a hug.

" Hi, Mrs Quinn" Tracy cheerfully said, leaning into her hug. She is reminded of her mother as Mrs Quinn draws back and gives her face a pinch.

"How was your day, dear?" Mrs Quinn asked giving the gigantic golden door a push to let them into the house.

"My day was quite stressful, Mrs Quinn" Tracy smiled at the sight of her favorite painting on the wall, decorated with velvet parallel designs. It's a painting of a night view, the sky graced by the moon and stars.

Tracy noticed the gleaming marbled floor reflected the silver chandelier, and the air fresh with scent of lavender polish.

The velvet drapes were drawn back with precision, revealing a sparkling window, it was as if the entire house had been transformed into a showcase, adjusted to perfect alignment.

"The house looks all tidied up in preparation for Mr Thomas's arrival" Mrs Quinn explained following her gaze.

Tracy turned excitedly like a child "My father is coming back today?" On remembering herself, she shrugged. "Well it isn't news, he always comes and goes."

Mrs Quinn looks at her with pity, "He's already back, he is resting in his bed chamber" She hesitates, taking her excited face into consideration before adding,

"He instructed not to be disturbed by anyone as he rests". Mrs Quinn said stressing the word anyone.

Tracy nodded painfully in acknowledgement. "I'd just go up to my room then."

Few hours later, Tracy was relaxing in her room's balcony, enjoying the beautiful view of the lake few steps away from the house and fulfilling her

favorite evening routine, painting.

She was sitting on her favorite royal blue fur mat, painting the lake. Painting has always been her way of expressing herself and relieving her mind.

The serenity of her room was interrupted by the door bell. She thought, maybe whoever's at the door would go away if she ignored it.

"Open the door, Tracy" it was Mrs Quinn, maybe she had come for another one of her regular check ups , asking if she needed anything.

"Just a minute" Tracy said, her voice loud enough for Mrs Quinn to hear.

Standing up, she wiped her hands clean with a hand towel, opened the glass door connecting her room to it's balcony and advanced to the door.

The golden knob was cold against her hands as she opens the door "Mrs Quinn."

"It's dinner time, Tracy " Mrs Quinn said leaning in to pinch her cheeks, she smells of peppermint and tiredness.

"Is my father still resting?" It's been ages and Tracy haven't heard anything from him. "Are we having dinner together? " She asked eagerly.

"Sorry to disappoint, but he left to take care of something few minutes back." Tracy does nothing to hide her hurt feelings.

"He said something about a house party" Mrs Quinn murmured. " I came to ask if you would prefer to have your dinner downstairs or should I have it brought up to you?"

" I would have it here, thank you" Tracy offered a warm smile to mask her anger.

"Always at your service, my dear" she says as Tracy shuts the door, flinging the hand towel to the other side of the room out of frustration.

It hurt her to hear that her father would rather work than spend some time with her.

Ivy's POV

I woke up feeling pretty good today, wore my running shoes and went for a run around 6:00am in the morning to clear my head, came back feeling more like myself, in control.

After a long shower, wrapped in my white towel, I sat down on my dressing chair and took a good look at myself in the mirror for the first time in ages.

The dark circles under my eyes gave me a fright, it seems that I've lost focus on myself and forgotten that I'm the queen of my world, "You're enough, anytime, any day" I smiled to myself.

I dried my hair, had it packed in a clean bun, wore my favourite summer purple top with a faded Jean short and ran my strawberry flavoured lipgloss on my lips.

Taking a long look at myself in the mirror, satisfied with my looks, I left my room and tiptoed to the kitchen not wanting to wake my mother and London up.

I scanned the contents in the kitchen cupboards, looking for something to make for breakfast. Catching sight of some whole wheat bread and bacons, I decided to go on and make a sandwich.

Few minutes later, I'm almost done with the sandwiches when my mom entered the kitchen in her night dress with a puzzled yet pleased look on her face.

"Good morning, mom," I greeted cheerfully, moving towards her.

" Good morning sweetheart" She responds, smiling at me. "Well someone seems to be in a good mood today." She moved to dinning table at the far end of the kitchen where I'd laid the sandwiches on. "Looks good."

"Would you like some coffee or tea?" I asked.

" I'd like some coffee with ... "

"A cube of sugar and some milk" I interrupted.

" I know

"Hey Fam." London, my thick head of a brother, makes his way into the kitchen. "Good morning mom, Ivy" He walks towards us with the ease of a teenager who has no conflict with the world.

At a young age of sixteen, he reminds me so much of Father, how his lips turn to the corner of his mouth lazily when amused, the lit in his eyes when he smiles, he seems too tall for his age.

I didn't realize how much he'd grown these past years.

"Good morning my love" Mom smiles at him, reaching to rub his silky dark hair, one of the many features I wished I'd inherited from my father too.

"Hmm, that looks nice" His hand reaches a sandwich ignoring my protests. "Sis, they're meant to be eaten not looked at." He counters taking a bite and nods in approval.

" I know but you could have waited a little longer" I answer pouring coffee for Mom and tea for London and I.

"Too bad" London smirks grabbing a seat.

Chapter Three

Hours after breakfast, I was downstairs in our family's bridal store, helping a woman with her dress.

' The Beck's Bridal Fashions ' was founded and established eighteen years ago, by my grandmother, Mrs Guinevere Adams.

"Have a nice day " I said to the woman who came for bridal fitting as she leaves, the store was suddenly quiet, the only sound was the soft hum of the fluorescent lights overhead.

As I looked around our outdated store, I knew it was high time we brought our store into the 21st century. Rebranding and embracing e-commerce would be our ticket to a brighter future.

Eager to learn the skills neccesary to not only keep the store afloat but to propel it to new heights. I took a bold step by registering for a business marketing class at the Renee's.

The thought of honoring my grandmother's memories and securing my family's future drove me forward.

When I'm sure no one else needed me at the store, I went inside to meet Mom through the door adjoining the store to our house.

She was sitting at the other end with all her attention placed on the receipts on her hand, her brown hair tied in a ponytail.

She rubbed her temples, trying to ward off a headache as she pored over the receipts, her eyes scanning the numbers as if searching for a miracle.

I dropped my phone on her desk to get her attention. She hastily puts away the receipts, avoiding my eyes as I take the empty chair at her side. I asked deeply concerned, " Mom is everything okay?"

"Yeah, do you need anything?" I don't fail to see the worry and exhaustion in her eyes.

"I registered for a fashion class at the Renee's, the class starts tomorrow."

"That's a great step, and I'm happy you are trying to help out and build yourself," She takes my hands in hers and rubs it fondly.

" I just want to be sure you're doing this because you want to and not because of the current state of the store."

"Mom, you know I've always dreamed of taking over the store after you and becoming a bridal stylist."

I take hold of her hands and squeeze.

" I'm not only doing this because of the store but because I want to be more useful to this family, you, London and... " I take a breath " myself".

I just had dinner and was about to settle for bed when my phone beeped on my bedside table, I reach out to see who messaged me.

TRACY: Sorry for not replying sooner, was caught up with something. How you doing?

Hope you had a good day?.

I can't help the feeling that come over me hearing from her, it's comforting to have someone who's concerned about me like Tracy is.

IVY: My day was good, I spent the day helping Mom out in the store, the responsibility of keeping the store afloat is really weighing her down, how're you doing?.

TRACY: I'm doing great, don't worry about it, it's going to be okay, hope you're prepared for your class tomorrow?

IVY: I was able to squeeze some time to prepare myself. I'm so excited that I'm taking this step.

TRACY: You will do great, you got this.

IVY: Thank you love.

TRACY: My Dad's planning a house party this weekend.

IVY: Wow that's great.

TRACY: Yeah, only it isn't, you are coming right?.

IVY: Maybe... I'll look into my wardrobe for something to wear.

TRACY: I'm coming over tomorrow after your class, Mr Johnson would take us to The Vault to shop for our dresses.

IVY: Sounds great, I can't wait.

TRACY: Have a great night and remember you'd do great tomorrow.

IVY: Thank you, have a good night.

My phone beeped again but this time it's from Daren.

Hey cupcake, hope you had a good day? (Smiley face). - DAREN.

Yeah I did, how was work today? - IVY.

Tough but I'm tougher, I baked chocolate cake today, you missed (smilely teasing). - DAREN.

Owch ! Next time you eat alone I'd make sure I shave your hair bald. - IVY.

I got your threat cupcake, would leave you to sleep now. Good night. - DAREN.

The next day, I had just finished my fashion class and I was about to leave when I felt my phone buzzing in my handbag. I reached for it happily, knowing it was Tracy. "Hey girl, I'm outside" Tracy's voice beams from the other end.

" I'll be there in a minute" I replied.

"Okay, be quick" She said dropping the call, l said a quick goodbye to the guy at the counter.

I walked out of the building dressed in a black straight trousers and a brown wrap blouse, with black flat shoes, a smile on my face and my head held high.

I stopped, taking in my surroundings but couldn't see Tracy's car anywhere around, I was about to reach for my phone when a jet black, intimidating looking car with a T.T. embodied on it honked.

"Of course" I muttered, strolling towards the sleek car. Mr Johnson emerged from the driver's seat, gallantly opening the door for me. " Hi, Mr Johnson" I greeted him warmly. He smiled back as I settled into the back seat with Tracy.

Tracy noticed my smile and said, "That smile says it all, today was a success, wasn't it?"

I rested my head on her shoulder feeling at ease. "Definitely," I replied, " but now I'm starving, I could devour an entire feast."

" We'd stop to get some food on the way then."

I'm so in." I gazed around the car luxurious interior, admiring the black leather seats with Tracy Thomas elegantly embossed in each. The contrast with Tracy's white silk shirt was stunning. " You got a new car?" I asked, impressed.

"Yeah, my dad got me this beauty two days ago. I guessed it's his way of reminding me I'm not forgotten." She laughed.

" Wow congrats" I exclaimed, Tracy brushed it off, I'm sure these things doesn't move her anymore.

"Mr Johnson, take us to The Vault" She instructed, retrieving her phone from her grey Channel handbag.

" Ok ma'am" Mr Johnson replied, starting the engines.

"While we have work to do." Tracy leaned in, showing me a picture of a golden silk gown, with daring silts at both sides showcasing perfectly toned legs.

"Looks lovely, but your dad would freak out" I

laughed.

Tracy grinned mischievously, " That's the plan, I'd do anything to get a reaction from him."

She swiped to another image. A breathtaking long-sleeved midnight blue gown adorned with sequins.

"Perfect" I said, smiling.