Unforgiveable Secret

August 15

It was the last day of summer vacation. The last day that I had to worry about ever going back to the first day of school.

Well, that was until I started college, but it would be so different then.

I wouldn't have to worry about the Hawks and the Hawkettes and who they were torturing this year. Not that they'd ever done anything to me in the past, I was invisible to them, and that's the way I liked it. I stayed under the radar, got done what I needed to get done, then got the hell away from the school.

I only participated in the debate club, because, well, that was one place I wouldn't have to worry about any of the elite ever showing up, the soccer stars of the school and the band of um, what would be the right word to describe them...hoes that followed them around. None of them would ever be caught in such a club, as none of them knew much about anything that didn't deal with themselves.

Are you excited about this being your senior year?" Clarissa, my older sister by two years, belly-flopped down across my bed. She'd stopped over at home after we'd all gone shopping but had to go back to the college dorms in another hour for some sorority meeting.

I scrunched my nose up and shook my head. "No, not really. I'm just excited to be getting the hell out of there soon."

I took out the three new outfits that I'd bought at the mall and placed them in the closet. My mom and sister had talked me into getting more clothes, even though I frowned on the idea of going through the whole size thing and then changing in the dressing areas where they both waited until I came out and did a few circles for them. I eventually gave in to getting the last three outfits I'd tried on just so they would leave me alone.

Oh. My. God." Clarissa sat upright and pushed her long, perfect pin-straight brown hair off her face. "I had the time of my life my senior year, it was the bomb."

I shook my head. When was anyone in my family going to realize I wasn't Clarissa?

I didn't act like Clarissa.

I didn't do the same things as Clarissa.

And I certainly didn't look like Clarissa.

Whereas my sister was thin, beautiful, fashionable, and had hundreds of guys drooling over her all the time, I was the complete opposite.

I was of average height at five feet five. My looks were average, not cover girl ability like my sister, but more on the lines of the girl-next-door. The one who would be the friend, but never the love interest or wet dream of any guy.

My face had a certain roundness that made my cheeks squeezable, primarily when I was around my grandmother. Even though I was almost eighteen years old, it never failed that when we went to grandma's house, my cheeks were going to come home with red pinch marks.

My hair was light brown with a few natural blond highlights tossed about. It hung past my shoulders and had a bounce when I walked. Of course, it wasn't like Clarissa's, where it was straight, cut into the perfect style for my face, and always had a shine that said, notice me.'

The most significant difference between us two, and the most recognized according to our mother since it was one area that she never let go of was our differences in weight.

Clarissa was curvy in all the right places. Her bra size was a 'D' so of course, that got her ample looks from the young and old. The rest of her body was lean, tan, and tight. Everything she wore she made look good.

I, on the other hand, wasn't as fortunate.

It seemed I'd gotten the slip of a lousy gene somewhere in my genetic make-up, like the experiment went wrong syndrome. I wasn't grossly overweight, not even close, but I could stand to lose a few pounds according to my mom, my sister, my dad, the nutritionist, the kids at school, well just society in general thought I should lose about thirty pounds.

I finally came out of my self-revelation and responded to Clarissa's statement. "Well, obviously I'm not you. I just want to go and get out of there as quickly as possible."

Clarissa got off the bed and straightened out her skirt and shirt. "You know what I think, little sister." She looked into the mirror and brushed back her hair once again with her fingers and wiped the bit of eyeliner smudge mark that was on the corner of her eye. She glanced at me in the mirror's reflection. "I think you need a boyfriend."

I rolled my eyes and looked away from my sister's stare. That's easier said than done. I'm not like you and have every guy falling to their knees over me. I think I need to keep on my game and get into a good college instead of worrying about boyfriends, parties, and the whos-who list at school."

Clarissa shrugged.

I'd always been like that, too much into being all that I could be in the academic world. I never went to parties, even though Clarissa had put mention into the groups at school, the Hawkettes, that I was her sister and should be asked to go wherever they went.

"

Whatever, Morgan." Clarissa walked over to the door and turned the knob. "You're the one that's going to look back on your high school years and wonder why you didn't do things differently." With that final comment, Clarissa walked out and shut the door behind her.

If hate looks could be felt through walls and doors, then my sister would have an ominous feeling about her. It wasn't that I really hated my sister, just hated how she thought everything could be so easily solved.

Yeah, if I were anything like Clarissa then it would be an easy fix, but unfortunately, that wasn't the case.

I searched back through my closet. The clothes that I'd picked out on our shopping trip didn't seem so appealing now. They were cute in a frumpy sort of way, but nothing like the clothes that the majority of other girls wore. They wore everything to the barest of the minimum. They followed the dress code, but it seemed that they took it to the extreme of shortness and sheerness of what was allowed.

I shifted the new clothes further to the back of the closet and brought my comfy clothes to the front. I had my black leggings, and dark emerald green, oversized tunic front and center as that was the first day of school choice of outfit I'd decided on. I wasn't going to impress anyone, and it wasn't like anyone would be looking at me for me to really care if I looked good.

I brushed the soft fabric of the shirt and nodded my head once, just to clarify the fact that this was the intended choice of clothing.

I shut the closet door and began to get the rest of tomorrow's essentials in order.

The sweat dripped down the sides of my face. I grabbed the towel from the back seat of my old beat-up car and wiped away the wetness from the top of my head. I'd gotten my hair cut last week, so instead of my dark brown hair hanging down to my collar, it was now short enough that it felt like prickly stubble.

I stayed after practice for some extra weight training, not that I really needed it. I knew that I was fit. At six feet tall, chiseled facial features, and a six-pack abdomen, I was a hot commodity at school. But what most people didn't realize was that it took hours of conditioning and years of training for soccer to keep this status.

I walked into the town's local pizza shop and saw the rest of the team was already seated and eating. It had become the hangout whenever we got done with soccer practice, and when no one was quite ready to go home.

So, it seemed I was the last to arrive for our daily pizza meal. Of course, there was always a seat available for me at the table. I was one of the three captains of the team, so it was kind of mandatory that someone would move for me to have a seat.

As I looked at the situation, it wasn't like I told anyone that they had to move or do anything special for me it was just an added benefit of being one of the best.

"What's up?" I fist-bumped my other two co-captains, Jason and Brandon, then sat down in the seat that one of the lower classmen had just vacated. There were still pizza slices available, and I grabbed four of the pepperoni ones.

"What took you so long?" Jason, who'd I known since middle school, took another sip of his soda as he waited for me to swallow and answer.

"I did an extra leg set today." I took another big bite of the already cold pizza slice.

"

The girls were already here, but left to go do some last-minute shopping." Brandon piled up all the messes of napkins onto one plate so that clean-up for the waitress would be a little easier. He had the hots for this girl since we started coming here. She was a year older than us and was now attending nursing school at the local college. He gave hints to her about them maybe going out on a date, but she always just giggled and walked away with no definitive answer. The goal he set for himself was to go out at least one time with her before the year was up.

I shrugged. I didn't care if the girls had been there or not. There wasn't any one of them that was special to me, they were all there for a good time only. "Any news on this year's challenge?" The guys would know what I was talking about since this event had been going on with the soccer team since the program began.

The previous year's captains always picked out a mission that one of the team's members had to fulfill, even if they were wholly opposed to the conquest. It was usually a younger member, like a sophomore, that had to get one of the upperclassmen, not a Hawkette since they were typically regular team taps anyways, to go out with him and be able to score big.

The chosen player had six months to complete the mission, or they'd lose out on the pot of money that was put in place, in the sum of three thousand dollars. Each team member, which was thirty in all, put in one hundred dollars at the beginning of summer. It was all turned over to the previous year's captains, and they had to come up with what they wanted for the member to get the money.

No one else, except the team, knew about the yearly event, including the girl whose heart was usually broken after the six-month wine, dine, and romance was over.

Somehow the couple would break up, often from the team member being caught cheating with another girl or just saying that he wasn't feeling the love any more. Then the girl cried to other girls and they sought revenge. By the school year's end, the player was with another girl, three thousand dollars richer, and the heartbroken girl had moved on.

I was never chosen, probably because I didn't need the incentive of the money to get the girls, they just naturally flocked my way.

The team usually had a huge kick-ass party with some of the money while the player got to enjoy the rest of it however he wanted. I was never into what they did since it was all sort of a cruel joke, but I did get to go to a killer party at the end of the year.

I never had to do a mission because no one in their right mind would pick me, I was captain material, and just face it you don't fuck with the future captain.

Jason shook his head no to the questions I asked. "They're supposed to get back with us this evening. They know tomorrows the first day of school." He took a big bite of his pizza slice. "Some of these guys will need that whole six months to get anywhere." He motioned with his hand at the group that was spread across five different tables.

Some of the lower-level players would need all that time just to get to first base with an upperclassman. If they didn't complete what they were given to do, the previous year's captains divided the money among themselves.

"I'm sure Craig and Rob will think of something good. Hopefully, they leave Matt out of it. He's a total douche." I had no problems with the other two past captains, but Matt and I always had issues with one another. It seemed we were a thorn in each other's side. It wasn't like I started anything, but if Matt wanted to start shit, then I wasn't backing down. There had been many instances on the field last year where both of us had gone back home with a black eye or two.

"

Doubt that." Brandon nodded his head towards the window that looked out to the parking lot. Matt was walking towards the door with Craig and Rob following.

I silently snarled just at the sight of him. If this guy was the one that had anything to do with creating the mission, then I felt sorry for the poor sucker that had to follow the deed's instructions.

"Boys." Matt sat down on the chair across the table from me. Two other chairs were vacated by seniors so that his other two companions could be seated with the newly indicted team captains.

"Matt." Jason knew I wasn't going to say anything to this guy's greeting. The two of us gave each other death glares, and Jason knew if he didn't intercede it all could get ugly quickly. "So, what's the quest for this year?"

"We've decided..." Craig stopped talking when Matt shot him a look that indicated he needed to shut his mouth.

"

So, what I've decided." Matt looked over at Craig and Rob, who both nodded their heads that he was the sole creator of the event. "I thought we'd mix it up a bit this year, it was getting so boring with the same old shit."

"

What the hell is it then?" I was tired of looking at Matt's face and listening to the sound of his voice. The sooner they could get their soccer member with his new team obligation the quicker Matt would be out of my face.

"I'm happy to see that you are eager to get going on this," Matt smirked at me in a way that didn't seem like it was a friendly gesture. "You," he pointed at me, "are going to be directly involved."

"

With what?" Brandon knew if Matt had anything to do with this and I was involved, it wasn't going to be good.

"

Well, we decided this year to let all the underclassmen off the hook. It's time for one of the captains to take one for the team. By unanimous vote, Ethan has been elected to complete this year's challenge.

"

What the fuck?" I was boiling mad now. "I'm captain, I don't have to do this shit." I threw down the slice of pizza I was going to eat. My hunger pains had vanished once Matt implicated me in this whole scheme he had going on.

"

Oh, but you do. That's unless you want to look like a complete pussy in front of the whole team." Matt motioned to the other tables whose focus was now on the two of us that were going head-to-head. "You don't want the team to think you can't handle such a simple challenge, they might think you're not captain material anymore and elect you out." Matt had to throw in the last little jab to get me riled up even more. He was sure I was going to fail at this mission, but he needed me to accept the challenge before they could move on.

"Whatever." I saw everyone was looking at me and I couldn't look like a complete loser in front of my team. "What is it?"

"You have to seduce none other than, Morgan Eastman." Matt leaned back in his chair and waited for the rejection of his challenge. This would mean an easy thousand dollars in his pocket.

"What the fuck?" Jason was the first to lash out at all three of them. "She's like Clarissa's younger sister."

Everyone knew who Clarissa was, guys and girls. She was beautiful and the queen of all shit. She was also really nice unless you did something wickedly wrong then your life would be hell clear into the next afterlife. She graduated two years ago, but still had a presence in the high school that made girls follow and guys drool. Fucking with her little sister would be social suicide.

"

Clarissa was a Hawkette, but little sister isn't." Matt stared at me waiting for my withdrawal from the competition.

I glanced at the rest of the tables, and all eyes were on me waiting for my decision. I looked at Rob and Craig who avoided my gaze and then to Brandon and Jason who both shook their head no once. I couldn't let Matt get the best of me, that's all Matt wanted was a reason to think that he showed me up.

"Fine." I shrugged at the proposal like it was no big deal.

Matt didn't let the shock of me accepting the challenge show. "Good." He stood up along with Craig and Rob. "We'll check back in a month to see if you're ready to give up."

I kept a steady stare on Matt as he, and the other two walked back out to the car. I felt all eyes still on me waiting for my reaction to this new turn of events.

"

I'm outta here." I crumpled the napkin I was holding and threw it down on my unfinished dinner. My appetite had been long ruined as soon as Matt walked through the door and I definitely wasn't in the mood to sit around and chit-chat with the team right now.

Their stares followed me out the door and the whole way to my car.

I looked in the mirror one more time. The outfit that I'd picked out last night just didn't seem the same now that I had it on this morning. There was still time to change before I had to leave, but what would I wear if I didn't dress in this.

Ten minutes later, I walked out of my room and downstairs. I still had on the leggings and tunic shirt that I'd selected earlier. It wasn't the best attire in my wardrobe, but it was comfy, and that ranked higher than wearing the latest sleaze fashions that everyone else would have on.

"

You look...nice." Mom poured another cup of coffee and sat down at the kitchen table. "What happened to all those clothes we bought with Clarissa yesterday. Those were cute."

I rolled my eyes and wobbled my head side-to-side. There always had to be a 'but' in whatever compliment my mom gave me. This time it was the 'that's a nice outfit, but are you really going to wear that to school. You know Clarissa wouldn't be caught dead in something like that, especially going where there are going to be so many people that could see her.'

"

It's comfy." I grabbed my car keys off the holder and picked up my backpack off the floor. My mom's lack of compliment and the way that she was checking out my outfit like she was totally disappointed in her youngest daughter's clothing, made me lose my morning appetite. "See ya later." I didn't even wait to hear a response. I left for the first day of school before my mother could put me into any worse of a mood.

***

I tried to stall for time of going in, but that was nearly impossible with Tara and Rynae pounding on my car window. They were two of my besties, well really only the two closest friends I had.

We were all in the lifelong sisterhood of being part of the geek squad. It wasn't that they were ugly or anything, but just had the above-average grades, lack of sleaze clothes, and of course they were in the debate club with me.

Tara was the first to pull on my arm once I decided I'd let them wait long enough. This was a tough feat to do since Tara was like a pixie in disguise, but she was able to get my feet moving in the direction of the school.

"

I don't know why you have to be so stubborn."Rynae, the Cover Girl model look-a-like of our trio of misfits, seemed annoyed that I made them wait three extra minutes while I listened to a song on the radio. "You should be happy, like us," her lips turned upwards into a big, happy smile, "That this is our senior year. We will be done and outta here in no time."

"First," I held up one finger, "I wasn't stubborn. I was listening to a Taylor Swift song."

"Welcome to New York." Both Tara and Rynae said it at the same time.

Okay, so I had an obsession with T. Swift's music, especially her song 'Welcome to New York.' I'd never gone there, and that was on my big list of places to go, and hopefully, I really, really hoped that I would be accepted into one of its many law schools for next year's fall semester.

"It's a great song. Well, they all are, but I sorta have a liking to that one."

"Really." Tara looked stunned by my confession. "You mean when you play a song a hundred times a day, that means you have a liking for it."

"I don't play it a hundred times a day, only ninety-nine." I stuck my tongue out her.

They both just shook their heads at my nonsense.

"Well, at least it isn't One Direction anymore." Tara looked over my way and questioned me with her eyes.

"I...um...I still listen to them occasionally." I didn't tell her that meant I listened to them on my way over to the school.

Tara snorted at my hesitation and nudged Rynae who just nodded her head.

"I can't help that they were an excellent band."

"

We'll have to get you out of your rut. There are more singers out there than just those two."

"I sorta like my style. C'mon, we better get a move on." Now it was my turn to pull them along.

The distance from the student parking to the school seemed like it was half a marathon. I don't know why they made it so far away, but I was exhausted by the time that we hit the main crowd walking up the sidewalk.

The ninth graders were acting like they usually did, like the children they still were. The rest of the student population was in their own little groups.

The real geeks of the school hustled about forever looking like they were in a total state of confusion.

The hoes that weren't part of any cheer or dance team just walked around and strutted their stuff. They wore the skimpiest of outfits and seemed to have as many male followers as the sports teams had female followers.

Then there was us, the academic nerds of the school. The ones that got picked on because we were actually trying to make something out of our lives and not wasting away being a follower, a stoner, or someone who could possibly have every sexually transmitted disease by the time they were twenty-two.

The presence of the Hawks and Hawkettes were nowhere to be found. It was kind of an eery calmness about the school with them not around. It was like the school could function at a reasonable level without that forever lingering rain cloud that threatened to ruin everyone else's day.

The loud sound of the first warning bell echoed as it alerted everyone that the first day of school was to begin in fifteen minutes.

And so, the circle of life at high school continued.