Twice Rejected

"Die! Die! Die!"

My mother screamed, her grip in my neck tightening as she did so. The right side of my face kissed the dirty ground, as hot and painful tears rolled down my cheeks.

My mother's tears dropped on my face as she screamed. I could feel the agony emitting from her tears. But I was no better as I struggled under her tight grip.

I cried and begged for air, whimpering in pain. I wanted to scream, but I could not. She held my throat so tight, my vocal cords became useless. I was slowly becoming dizzy, my tears blurring the vision of our burning house.

"Please." I muttered barely audible and the pains that shot through me began to weigh me down.

That was the only word I could think of, the only word that could come out of my mouth. But that word was not directed to my mother.

But it was a plea to the only person that gave me solace. My father.

I was begging my father to come out of the fire and save me from my mother.

"You cursed child! I always knew that you were a baggage from hell! How dare you kill my husband?! You sent him back into the fire and now he's dead!" My mother wailed in uncontrollable agony.

Like an arrow shot through my heart, my mind refused to believe what my ears just heard. It can't be true, right? I looked at my mother with wide eyes filled with uncertainty and...horror.

"Dead?" I managed to cough out.

My mother's words stung my ears without mercy. My heart tightened in my chest, like she had dug her hands inside, squeezing it just as she was holding my neck in a firm grip.

"Daddy can't be dead! He just can't be dead! He promised me! He promised me he would be back with Mr Waffles." I thought out loud.

I had to convince myself that he had only gone back in to get my favorite toy - Mr Waffles, the teddy bear he bought for me.

And that was the only memory I could have had of him.

"I am going to kill you! You would die for what you have done!" Her screams grew louder with threats.

Then she heard a whimpering and a tug on her shirt. My twin sister's cry jolted my back back to reality.

Hanola, my twin sister, kept clutching my mother's dress, and crying at the top of her lungs.

My mother who was about to bring down hail and brimstone on me totally forgot about me and all the death threats she had made in a split second.

She immediately released my neck and rushed to hold her golden baby, Hanola. I watched as mother and daughter sat on the grass and wept in each other's arms, not minding me anymore.

I didn't know what happened, but I began to gasp for air. Breathing was becoming painful, and the air was filled with ash and smoke from our house.

Every part of my body hurts; from my head, to my neck down to my stomach. My mother had kicked me on my stomach in fury and now it hurts like hell.

I groaned in pain, wanting to crawl back to the fire and call out for my daddy. I was sure that if I screamed a lot harder, he would hear me and come out.

"Daddy! Daddy!! Help me please! It's too painful! I can't bear the pain!"

I needed him to come out. He can't leave me alone. I can't be alone with my mother. I know she is my mother but I am not her daughter. I needed my father.

Because if he didn't come back to me, my mother would make my life a living hell, more than she had ever done before.

Then I made a decision. If my father wasn't going to come to me, then I would go to him. So, I fought hard and mustered all the strength left in my body. I stretched one arm forward and used it to pull myself to the fire.

When I moved, I stretched the other hand out and crawled one more step towards the fire. That was why I kept crawling to the fire. I was determined to meet my father there.

Tears of pain continued to flow down my cheeks, burning my eyelids. Or was it the fire? I didn't know or cared to know. Because all I wanted was to see him again. The determination to meet my father overwhelmed my sense of reasoning.

As I got closer to the fire, the heat was so scorching that I had to retreat. I tried again, but failed to go inside the fire. I burst into tears, calling myself a coward. How could I retreat from the fire that my father bravely ran into?

I tried again, but I just couldn't bear the heat from the fire as it began to burn me. I tried numerous times, but I just couldn't brace myself to go into the fire.

I couldn't do anything, but start crying again. Wetting my damp clothes. I don't care! All I wanted was my father. I wanted him back.

"Mr. Fire, give me back my daddy! You can take Mr Waffles, but please give my daddy back to me!" I bawled again.

I cried so hard that my knuckles hurt and it was impossible to gasp for air. I cried for my father, but the tears never seemed to being him back. Still, I held onto a tiny hope that he would come back for me.

I looked around and found out that my mother was nowhere to be found with my sister. I was afraid that they left me too. I started wailing loudly, unfortunately there was no one around.

I started walking towards the forest in search of my mother and sister. I don't want to be left alone in this world.

"Momma! Hanola!"

"Please don't leave me alone!"

"Daddy is gone!"

"Please don't leave me alone."

"I promise to be good, mommy!"

I was crying and calling out my mother and sister as I wandered deeper into the forest. I didn't know I was already passing our Pack's border.

As I was crying, I heard a loud growl behind me. There was a rotten stench coming from it and my body was instantly filled with fear.

"Daddy! Save me!" I cried when my eyes came in contact with the fire like eyes of a wolf.

I was just seven and I don't know anything about rogues. But I knew that this wolf was certainly not from our Pack. The wolf let out another earth shattering sound and I shrieked in fear.

I turned around and began to run away as fast as my little legs could carry. I was getting tired and I fell to the grassy ground with a thud. I could see the wolf throwing it's paws on me.

I awaited the snapping of my head from my neck, but surprisingly nothing happened. Rather, I heard another growl from someone. It was from a young boy. He wasn't in his wolf form.

I watched as the boy fought with the wolf in his human form and within a few minutes, he snapped his head off. The boy approached me slowly and squatted down to look at my face.

I didn't want my savior to be scared of me, so I covered my face with my tiny hands.

"Little girl, why are you alone in this forest? Where are your parent?"

"My Papa got carried away by Mr fire and I can't find my momma and Hanola." I replied with my face still hidden.

"I am sure your Momma and Hanola must be looking for you right now. Are you from this pack?"

"Yes. I lost my way. I don't know the way." I replied.

"Come, I will take you to the palace. The alpha would find your momma and Hanola, okay?"

I nodded my head, but still I refused to show him my face.

"Little girl, why are you hiding your face?"

"Because I am a monster. A black eyed Curse. I don't want to give you bad luck. You are my savior." I replied.

I heard him chuckling. I felt him removing my hands from my face and I shut my eyes tightly. I didn't want him to see my eyes.

"Open your eyes or I will be angry."

I didn't want him to be angry, so I slowly opened my eyes. I expected him to either curse me or run away from me, but instead I saw him smiling at me.

He was so handsome.

What's your name?"

"My name is Koko, Koko Magnus"

"Now listen to me, Koko. You are not a monster or a black eyed Curse. You are just unique and beautiful in your own way."

"Someday your true beauty will manifest before the one who truly deserves you, okay?

I nodded my head." What is your name, savior?"

"Just call me, the Alpha from Heaven," he said and smiled at me.

As he carried me back to the pack, I wished the Moon goddess would make me his mate.

He was truly from heaven.

It's been years since that incident that led to my father's death. Just as it was one of my saddest days in life, it was also a day I started to build my hope. I held on to the words of the young savior to my heart.

I believed that someday I would meet my mate who would cherish me and see the beauty in me.

Sadly, as I grew up, I got to realized a painful truth at a tender age - my mother didn't love me, she hated me. I was the child she didn't want.

"Dark eyed curse!" She always called me.

Donna, my mother, never hesitated to show me how much she hated me. While my twin sister, Hanola, was allowed to play with the other pups in the pack, my mother always locked me in the basement.

"I don't want you to inflict your curse on other children." She always said.

I knew I was different from all the other people in my pack. That's because of everything about me. It seemed like the Moon goddess surely was against my existence. If not I wouldn't be given all the negativity of life.

My stature was very small compared to my sister and other werewolves. And my hair was of the darkest shade. While other children mostly had sea blue eyes and blonde hair, or bright brown eyes and dark blonde hair. My own eyes were dark... extremely dark. It was unheard of.

But Hanola, my twin sister, was loved and adored by everyone. She was taller than I was, with blue eyes as beautiful as the sky, and soft golden blonde hair.

Everyone referred to her as the golden girl, she was gorgeous and lit up every room she stepped into like a diamond. She was often referred to as the moon.

But I was always showered with curses wherever I went, even at school and our regular pack gathering.

I was treated like a disease wherever I went. I sat alone in school, and was constantly bullied by my mates who were bigger and fairer.

"Hanola, you are so beautiful! You look just like a princess from a fairy tale."

"That's true. I wish I could have such glistening skin as yours! The goddess must have spent all her time creating you!"

"I can't believe you are twin to that cursed girl! She looks so ugly!"

I swallowed those words bitterly. Never saying a word to anyone. All I did was to miss my father.

My father was the only one who didn't care that I was different. He never stopped praising me. He always told me I was different because I was unique.

"My beautiful Angel." he used to called me.

Whenever my mother locked me up and starved me of food, he was there to feed me. Whenever she beat me up when he wasn't present, he would console me and scold her severely.

Even though the beatings, harsh words, and starving never stopped, I had hope knowing that he would always be there to pick me up and dust the dirt off.

If life was hard before, it only got harder after he died. I was like a soldier at the war front, whose shield and sword had been taken away.

Defenseless against the battle of life, I was bruised, battered, insulted and stepped on by everyone around me.

Soon, the plague of a curse that was upon me spread out from my household, and spread through my entire pack. Everyone began to call me the dark eyed curse.

Everyday, I was forced to take a lonely route to school and back home just because my mother wouldn't drop me at school or pick me up, the way she did with Hanola.

And I dare not risk walking with my peers, cause they would spit and laugh at me. That was how I went through hell in my school days, but I had no one to run to.

I suddenly missed my father and... that savior from heaven.

****************

It's been a hectic day for me and my hands were already aching due to the excessive work recently. As I was struggling to finish the dishes on the sink, I heard my mother's icy voice from the sitting room.

"Koko, have you washed those clothes I gave you?"

I knew I was in trouble. But I was only human! I wasn't a machine? How did she expect me to do several jobs at the same time? But I dare not utter a word.

My mother's hatred for me never died, it increased as I grew older. I had learnt a bitter lesson all the years without my father. I had grown to accept her cruelty towards me.

I remembered one fateful night, while I was scrubbing the kitchen floor on my knees, as I often did before going to bed, she walked up to me and complained about a spot I had passed being dirty.

I did not say a word, as I knew it would annoy her, I crawled to the spot and tried to scrub it, but she picked up the broom that laid on the floor, and hit my head with it.

My head throbbed in pain, and my eyes became flooded with tears again. I had thought I would get used to the pain as time passed, but who ever got used to being treated like a dirty slave by their own mother?

I didn't bother to ask her why, I knew that Donna never needed a reason to treat me harshly, she did it because she could, and she wanted to.

I received enough insults from her, but I remained silent. After all the abuse, she instructed me to finish the work and sleep in the basement without food. I felt a sharp pain shooting through my heart, but I masked it up with a bitter smile.

The next morning, I was making breakfast and washing the dishes simultaneously when Donna came to me, looking like she was going to devour me.

"What are those dirty clothes still doing there?" She growled at me.

It was barely seven am, I woke up very early and started doing the house chores. It wasn't like I didn't do them yesterday, but it was a norm for me anyways.

"Are you deaf? Are you not the one I asked a question just now?" Her voice jolted me out of my reverie.

"Mother, once I am through with the breakfast, I will wash the clothes." I replied, raising my head to look at her.

But I received a murderous glare from her. It was as if I was a disgusting piece of trash.

"Look at you! You look just like your father! And just like him, you entered into my life and ruined everything for me. I am stuck in this suburb because of your father!"

And there the curses will start pouring in. I wonder if she never gets tired of repeating it over and over again.

"I could have been greater, even Luna! But no, your father, an ordinary Gamma came along and claimed to be my mate! It wasn't enough to be his mate but he had to do something even more disgusting!"

"He planted you in me! I would have died of shame if not for your sister. At least, I'm grateful for Hanola, she's beautiful and graceful, just like me, her mother. But you?..." She scoffed bitterly.

And I shut my eyelids firmly, waiting for the last round of venom to implode from her tongue. And I know what will follow afterwards. I closed my heart getting ready for what was to follow.

"...you are a sole loser, just like him!...a curse to my life...I wish you just died!"

With that, she kicked me to the ground, pouring the bowl of soapy water all over me. Having satisfied her anger, she spat at me and left. I coiled up as I wailed loudly, on the wet and soapy floor.

I was only fifteen then but there was a glimmer of hope for me. I held on to the hopes that once I turned sixteen and shifted, I would have my wolf as a companion and she would be with me through all of my pain. I wouldn't be alone anymore.

At least that's what wolves are meant to be, right? She was going to be with me and I won't feel lonely anymore.

With that hope in mind I endured every hardship thrown at me. I waited to be united with my wolf as my life long companion. I believed my wolf would be as strong as any other wolf and I won't be bullied anymore.

How wrong I was!

Once again, the moon goddess had to play a trick on me. Life raised my hopes, only to send it to the ground to fall and shatter into pieces. If only I hadn't hoped for anything.

It so happened that on that fateful day, when I turned sixteen alongside my sister and many of our peers, we all eagerly waited for our wolves. We were filled with anticipation of the lycanthropy ceremony. Everyone was in high hopes, including me.

In the Red Moon pack, we shifted at the age of sixteen and mostly found our mates by the time we were eighteen. So you can imagine how joyous I was at the upcoming ceremony.

But cruel as it may seem, on that night of the ceremony, I watched my sister and all our other peers shift to their wolves under the blood red full moon at midnight.

I waited for my wolf... I waited in shame.

My wolf never came. It was a gut-wrenching experience for me, I walked back home with my head bowed and cried all the way home. What have I done to be ill-fated?

As expected, Donna was at the door to welcome my sister and to shower me with her insults again. Luckily for her, the goddess gave her the right to keep insulting me.

"I always knew you were a curse! This just confirms it. If you were not an evil child, you would have shifted like the rest of your peers. This is your punishment for killing your father." She spat at me, before locking me in the basement.

I didn't care anymore... I felt abandoned, hurt and filled with bitterness but I had no choice. I have nowhere to go. I spent three days in the darkness without food or water, before she released me.

Six months later, I shifted into my wolf. I guessed I should be happy now, right? It should have been a thing of joy for me, but it only led to more shame and disgrace.

That was because as usual bad luck always clinged to me. I got my wolf but it wasn't a wolf, but more like a baby goat! My wolf was very small and my comparison is the perfect description for it.

It was weak and frail, with a pale brown colour, and it never spoke to me. I guess we are on the same page. We were cursed according to my mother.

Yet again, I know I would become an object of ridicule amongst the entire pack. Everyone and anyone who wanted to, bullied me at their will. And that was because it was now certain that my wolf was so small that if I ever picked a fight, I would be chewed up without a sweat.

"Weak and pathetic! Why are you still alive?" My mother spat at me one fateful day.

I was so bittered that I responded to her." Are you really my mother? Why do you hate me so much? Why!"

"Did you just scream at me, you worthless weregoat! You are a goat! That's why you have a goat instead of a wolf..."

"Mother!"

"Don't you dare call me mother after you killed your father! You are a curse and a disgrace! I am sending you to the palace first thing in the morning!"

She started screaming at me, I was so ashamed that I ran away into the thick forest opposite our house.

On getting there, I started crying loudly. I knew I won't be heard by anybody so I cried to my heart's content. The tears that I had been holding in for a long time started falling heavily.

"Are you okay, young lady?" I heard a voice from behind. His scent was so unique and refreshing. It felt like drinking water from a spring.

"I... I am fine. I just got something in my eyes." I quickly lied lowering my head. I could sense he was a stranger because his scent was not like anyone living in my pack.

"Got something in your eyes and you are bawling at the top of your lungs?"

"I am fine. It stings... that's why I was bawling my eyes out so that the tears might have a healing effect." I lied again, through my teeth. I never knew I could lie like this though.

I heard a soft chuckle from him and my mind skipped a beat. That chuckling sound.. It was almost like that night I got lost. I wanted to raise my head, but I dare not.

"Raise your head let me see you." The voice commanded.

"I can't," I replied weakly.

"You can't?" He asked me back.

Before I could say anything, he was already in front of me. He raised my chin up gently and looked at my face. I wanted to close my eyes, but somehow I couldn't.

"Isn't this the face you are hiding? Are you afraid because you are different?" He asked.

I was surprised he wasn't cursing or feeling angered by my appearance.

Then I heard him say." You are different because you are unique. The Moon goddess would surely give you someone that would treasure you. Keep hoping."

Why does this sound familiar? It was too dark that night so I couldn't see the person's face clearly. Could he be the same boy?

As I was lost in my thoughts, I didn't know when he left. Where did he go? I couldn't even ask his name!

Though I was disappointed, I stuck to his word and hoped on the moon goddess sending me the one to cherish me.

**************

With every passing day, I held on to hope - just as he had told me. I made it a habit to hold on to good things that could come, it was what kept me alive each day.

Even though I might be down on most times but trust me, I was a very optimistic person. I believed in fate and the Moon goddess even though she had failed me several times.

So I held onto yet another hope. I chose to believe in the word of that stranger. I believed everything will be fine once again. There was a glimmer of hope.

My mate.

I believed that I would find my mate once I was eighteen.

He would love me and he would be my friend. My mate would protect me and stand up for me when I was being picked on, he would shield me like male mates do, and he would never let anyone hurt me.

I believed my mate would take me away from my mother and sister and he would keep me safe with him, nurture and cherish me and I would never have to worry about anything else again.

That was my hope. The hope that kept me going till I would finally meet him. I believe he would love me regardless of everything.

I should have learnt that it was futile to hope. I should have learnt my lesson from the incident of my wolf, but still I held onto that tiny bit of hope. Futile to hope in the so-called Moon goddess that I trusted even after all the ill fate.

The moon goddess had always been so cruel to me, I was sure she hated me as well, I should have understood this and not expected anything from her.

But I didn't, I allowed myself to believe that I deserved a happy ending, for all that I had gone through.

I was wrong. Finding my mate was not my happy ending but the start of my real anguish. It was the start of the real pain and that was when I would know that the pains of all these years were nothing.

It was a new dawn of never ending suffering.