Trapped Desire

Anny

Life is may not be what we always want it to be .

It's bittersweet .

It's has good times, when everything seems great, we feel confident, unstoppable, on top of the world and things are working out well and we forget that life also has bad times, when we are all gloomy,sad, anxious, stressed, overwhelmed, depressed and confused.

At this point, everything seems pointless and you feel clueless and that's when you start losing your confidence ,we start asking questions, we start losing our sense of direction, we start doubting.

Some of us let go of hope and allow the storms of life take us away, we let go and go with the flow. At this point, we forget that there was a time, we were happy, confident, unstoppable,a time we felt sexy when we put on clothes, a time everything was beautiful, a time the sun shone brightly, the sky was blue and the birds were chirping away in the trees. We let go of that memory and that glimmer of hope and then, we start seeing only darkness in the tunnel, we stop believing and we stop moving and that's when we fall. That's when we fail, and before we realize it, life is gone and there's no way we can turn back time. We leave behind regrets we wished we never had, wishes we hoped for but never came, plans we made, but never realized, people we wished we had enough time with, but never did.

I stared blankly at the coffin as it was being lowered to the ground, with someone I used to call my dad in it. Gone . And he was never coming back. I could feel the sharp stabbing pain in my stomach , my chest tightened like it was going to burst at any moment. I wanted to scream and cry my heart out. But I couldn't. I didn't. Though I could feel a million thousand emotions bubbling up inside me, yet I feel numb at the same time. Was it grief ? Or anger? . I've always known this moment would come and I've always been prepared for this moment, but why does it feel like I've been stabbed in the heart.

My eyes flickered to my mom. Her face, a bubble of different emotions. Her eyes barely holding back tears which was clearly threatening to fall. I glanced at my older sister, my immediate younger brother, then my little sister. They were all trying to hold back tears. My brother seemed rather indifferent, like he didn't really care about what was going on. But I knew Evan better than he knew himself. He wasn't really great at expressing his feelings and wasn't any better at taking about it.

My father was finally laid to rest . The coffin was covered with dirt as the priest muttered what I'm guessing were prayers. My mom stretched out her hand towards me, pulling me closer to her, then she did same with my siblings. We ended up forming a circle. A circle of sorrow.

We were leaving the cemetery, when a limo rolled gently down the street. It stopped a few feet from us. The windows didn't roll down as I expected, but I could definitely sense someone watching us. I could feel skin prickle , a sensation I couldn't quite place.

"Who the hell could that be?" Beatrix asked.

My mom shook her head. Negative. She definitely doesn't know who that is. And I don't think my siblings knew either.

"It could probably be one of Dad's loaners coming to get what his owed, now that he's gone " Nikki added. For the first time since Nikki became a teenager, this was the first time she actually spoke something that made sense somewhat.

When Dad got ill, as those he owed came knocking on our door. Demanding their money back. And it wasn't just one or two persons. I lost count on the fifth. Am guessing they probably thought he was going to die. But Dad didn't die immediately, he had a stoke which we managed for a few years before he finally gave up. I felt my mom's hold tightened, her fingers sinking deep into my skin, her face paled .

She was definitely thinking about what Nikki said. For the past years, I watched my mom give her time, money, sweat and well being to clear my father's loans he accumulated without telling anyone and at the same time paying his hospital bills, medications and taking care of four kids and family needs. And believe me when I say that we are actually a handful of chaos. I think it's too much for one woman. She sighed, relaxing her grip on me.

"Nikki. I don't think you should be saying stuffs like that. As it is, We've already had enough of your father's problems to bear with right now." She warned.

"Well who ever that is, I think Dad pissed off the wrong person". Evan added, mom give him a stern look. And the idiot didn't care to shut up.

" I mean, look at that. Does it look like it belongs to just anyone?". He was right though, that car looks like it belongs to a very influential figure. What have you done this time Dad. "Could probably be a loan shark, or one of the Mafias". A feeling of dread washed over me, I suddenly felt nauseous. But the door didn't open. It just stood there, then in after what felt like hours, it started moving. It drove down the street, my eyes still glued on it, until it took a turn at the end of the street and vanished from my sight. I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding. Maybe he isn't one of Dad's loaners after all.

"Can we go home now?" Nikki chirped. "I'm not a fan of cemeteries ".

" Why Nikki are you scared of ghosts?" Beatrix teased.

" duhh. There are no such things as ghosts. It's just that, there are lots of dead bodies here. It makes my skin crawl ". Beatrix give her a gentle nudge on the shoulder.

"So you are scared after all ". But Nikki weaved her off.

" What about zombies?" Evan asked " They could be real ".

"Seriously bro?. We are in a grave yard. You guys should stop talking about stuffs like that". Nikki yelled, quickening her pace towards the car and trying to get rid of her older sister and brother, who were following behind her, matching her strides . I could still hear their voice in the distance, Evan was still arguing with his sisters, explaining why zombies are real, while Nikki was covering her ears, speaking above their voices to shut them up. They looked like little kids arguing about dinosaurs. Beatrix the oldest, is in medical school, Evan just got into college and Nicole is in highschool. Definitely not kids anymore.

They may seem okay to anyone who doesn't know us very well, but underneath the loud voices and blabbering, we were still grieving. My mom gave me a slight squeeze and a smile, then walked away towards my siblings. I followed suit behind them.

My mind wandered to what had happened earlier, my skin was still prickling. I shouldn't be thinking too much about it, after nothing bad happened. But that has always been my problem. Living in my head. Over thinking every single little thing and creating worst scenarios in my head. Yet I still couldn't shrug off the feeling that something was wrong. I didn't notice I had stopped walking when I heard a car honked at me, pulling me out from my thoughts.

"Hey Annette" Nikki yelled " Are you planning on sleeping here with your father's new found dead buddies or what".

I ran towards the car. You know what, Nikki is kinda right. Thinking about what she said, there are lots of dead bodies here and it's making my skin crawl. And I definitely don't want to wait to find out if ghost or zombies actually exist.

It's been three weeks since my dad's funeral. And I could say that things are going smoothly. Okay. Not that smoothly.

Here I am, picking up my little sister. Who, apparently has a knack for causing trouble. She kept stealing glances at me. She knows that am pissed. I definitely am. I was supposed to be meeting a very important person today, but I got a from Nikki's teacher. It appears that Nikki was involved in a fight with a popular girl in school. So of course am pissed. I had to reschedule my life changing opportunity .I clenched my hands tightly on the driving wheel.

"It wasn't really my fault ya know " She muttered rather calmly, so unlike her.

"Really!" I snapped " You seriously expect me to believe that ?"

"Yeah. She had it coming anyways ", She stated. I could feel heat surging inside me. Too bad murder is a crime. I could kill this bitch sitting beside me right now, and dump her body by the road. Then I would be totally free from headaches.

"It wasn't her fault. Aunt Anny". Oh . I forgot. There's another bitch sitting at the back of the car. Lucy . My sister's best friend and partner in crime. I've always wondered how they became friends. Lucy is like the calm waters, that glides softly over stones. And Nikki ? . Nikki is like a tsunami. And believe me, when I say tsunami, I mean the one that uproots houses and destroys properties on it's path. You get the picture right?. They are complete opposites of each other. One is fire, the other ice. One is soft spoken, with voice like a sweet lullaby. While the other, has a billion answers and excuses for every word, and with a voice like thunder.

"Nikki was only defending me ", She continued "Catarina was making picking on me and making fun of my looks . She said I'm fat because, am greedy and that my parents were over feeding me with junks". Clarification. Lucy isn't fat , or over weight . She's just a little too curvy and thick for a girl her age. She hit puberty a bit earlier than most girls. And high school teenagers are mean. I've had my own share of bullies, though it wasn't as bad as some unlucky kids. I had popular friends. Friends with power, So I was saved from bullies. Except those asshole basketball players, who thought punching a girl on the shoulder and picking on her was called flirting.

"I don't know why she thinks that being popular, gives her the privilege to pick on other kids ", Nikki grumbled. I could see her fisting her hands into tight balls. "I also don't get how being skinny is attractive. I mean, it's just bones , no flesh, covered with tight cropped tops and mini skirts ".

I almost bursted out. She's right though. Most young girls want to be skinny. And in the society we live in, being slim is the ideal shape. It's what's attractive. And for some girls like Lucy, who's a bit insecure about their shape, it's a big deal.

"Okay. It's nice that you were standing up for Lucy. But how did that girl end up with a bloody face and a broken nose?"

"She gave her a reverse punch", Lucy whispered from the back. I must have hit the brakes pretty hard, because the car came to a hard halt. Causing us to jerk off our sits. Good thing we've sit belts. I turned my head to face my sister, then Lucy. There's fear clearly written on their faces and am sure Lucy was definitely rethinking if she said the right thing.

"She did what !"

"I mean...... Sh.... she punched her. Gently on the face b...by mistake " She stammered. But I wasn't having it. I heard the first one, and that's what am taking. Nikki gave her best friend a look the clearly said 'what the fuck '.

My mom thought it was a good idea for all of us to learn some kind of skills or sports. Beatrix is good at throwing the javelin and also enjoys surfing. Evan loves baseball. I wasn't very athletic, and still isn't. I tried sprinting once in elementary school, broke my ankle. Tried high jump, dislocated my knees. Decided I should give judo a chance, never went back after the first day. My dad thought 'Maybe she'd love swimming ' . I drowned and went back home with a concussion and hydrophobia. My uncle took me to try ice hockey, slipped on ice and couldn't get up. So you see why am not very athletic. I finally gave archery a try, good news, I didn't die on my first day .

Nikki, on the other hand, was the most athletic. It wasn't enough that she was learning ballet, she decided to try gymnastics. Then one day, she suddenly developed interest for martial arts.

"You used a reverse punch on that poor girl? Didn't I tell you not to use your..... whatever you call it, on poor defenceless citizens ".

"I didn't mean to. I was mad.... and it just happened."

"No matter how angry you were, violence is never the right approach. And we all know how hard your punches are."

"Yeah. She's lucky, she's got a broken nose and not a brain damage "Lucy joked.

"Shut up Lucy", I hissed "Nikki you are suspended from going to your ballet and karate classes ".

"But I've already been suspended from school ", she grumbled." Isn't that enough punishment?"

"No it isn't. And Lucy you are -"

"I've been suspended too. Aunt Anny "She begged. I shouldn't have looked at her face, now I'm doomed. It's hard to resist it. She such a cutie.

"Okay. I guess it's enough punishment for you ".

"Why do I get triple punishment and she doesn't?" Nikki asked.

"You're the one who punched a girl ", I stated. That seemed to shut her up. Am being an adult after all !.

* * * * * * * * * * *

I dropped Lucy off before turning down our driveway. Her house was on the same street. Nikki was still fuming, but I couldn't care less.

There was a black limo on our driveway. It looked strangely familiar. Where had I seen it. My skin pickled . My stomach bolted. I had this strangely familiar yet unfamiliar sensation. It wasn't a good feeling. Something was wrong. Standing beside the car, was a man. Tall. Dark. He was smoking a cigarette. He glanced at me as I stepped out from the car, but I couldn't read his expression. His eyes were shielded with dark glasses. My stomach tightened more. Nikki slammed the door of the car hard before storming inside. I followed behind her. She climbed up the stairs to her room, stomping her feet all the way. She didn't even remove her shoes. The the door slammed shut behind her. She was making it obvious that she was pissed. Well she wasn't the only one.

I could hear voices coming from the living room, but it got suddenly quiet. Mom came out from the living room.

"Was that Nikki ? "She asked and I nodded.

"What happened ?"

"She got in a fight, got suspended for a week. And I gave her extra punishments" .

She looked at me, pinched the bridge of her nose, then sighed. Her expression changed, her brows folded, then she held my hands gently. I don't know why but my heart beat quickened. I searched her face questioningly.

"Someone's here to see you "

"Me ? Who ?. Is something wrong?"

She didn't respond immediately. Then she squeezed my hands tightly.

"It's about your father. I think you'd better come in". she said, walking away towards the living room. I followed behind her, my heart in my mouth now.

Then, my eyes met a pair of compelling beautiful but cold hazel eyes. Sitting on the couch, wearing a tailored black suit , looking like sin itself. Confident. Intimidating. Dominating. My breath hitched, I felt dizzy, like the air was being sucked out of my lungs. Who the hell was this man.

It definitely wasn't possible for a person to be so beautiful and terrifying at the same time. But there he was, sitting in the living. Confident. Dominating everything around him. I could feel heat emanating from my body. Am not claustrophobic, but has this room always been this small?. His eyes took me in, I suddenly felt self conscious.

"You must me Annette ". His voice was like fine wine. The kind that glides gently down your throat, intoxicating you. I couldn't speak. Couldn't find the words. Those morons left me. I nodded.

"Sit " He said. His voice compelling. I was going to sit anyways, I mean it's my house after all. But the way he sat confidentiality and comfortable, would make you think otherwise. I sat next to my mom who, was rather sitting too stiff. Her eyes avoiding mine. She looked uncomfortable.

"Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Oliver Diaz Patrizio ". Fuck me. This man sitting right here is Mr Daiz ?. The famous Mr Oliver Daiz. A ruthless multi-Billionaire who owns too many companies for one man . And too many women on their knees, begging for his attention and too willing to do anything to get it. And Oliver doesn't mind, he rather indulges them. But what was he doing here. Then I heard Mom's voice.

"Your father owes Mr Patrizio a lot of money and his here to collect " . Now that makes sense. And of course Dad owes him money, after all, he ain't the only one he does. If he needs his money right now, that's too bad. Because we don't have it. We're broke.

And why the hell would he come now. The man's dead.

Mom slid a file towards me. It looked light. I picked it up. It's some kind of contact and - . Holy shit! What is that? Is that an amount of money or someone kind of code. It couldn't possibly be, because it looks too much to be money.

"Ummm. Why is there a lot of zeros in here ?"

"That's the amount of money Charles borrowed ". Mom replied.

You ought to be shitting me !. Who in his right sense lends a person this amount of money. And who the fuck borrows this much. I already knew the answer to that. My Father. I heard tapping of feet on the ground. I glanced at my mom, her face pale . The face that once bought men to their knees, won different beauty competitions and modeled for industries, was now filled with wrinkles. Her smile long gone from years of overwhelming frustrations . All because of a man she called her husband . Each time I looked at her and remembered the woman she once was, and the dreams she once had. My heart ached for her.

"So you've come to collect your money " I asked" All of it ?" He didn't say a word, just nodded. I swallowed hard. Of course he wanted all of it . Who wouldn't.

"You see , there's a slight problem ", he raised an eyebrow. "We don't have the money at the moment. But we promise that you will receive all that you're owed " . Who am I kidding. There's no way we'll be able to pay off the loan. I could sell my kidney, but that wouldn't scratch off even quarter of the amount in that file. Maybe we could sell Beatrix, Evan and Nikki's too. It would help but I doubt it.

"It says in the file that, if the money can't be paid, they would take all our properties ". My jaw dropped.

"Charles signed that they could take everything and anything of value " Mom continued.

"But he doesn't own any property "I stated. Every property we ever owned belonged to my mom. Including the house. Why would he sign such a contract, when he knew he doesn't own anything.

I glanced at him , he looked totally unfazed. I on the other hand was freaking out.

"That bastard ", mom yelled" He made me suffer for years and now he's ruining our lives even in the gave".

She was trembling now, her feet increasing it's momentum on the ground. I could feel her pain. My dad wasn't really a great dad and he wasn't a great husband either. We all experienced it. The pain. The trauma. We knew the kind of man he was, or we thought we did. Each time we think we had him all figured out, a new mystery unfolds and we are left wondering who he truly is.

"I'm sorry Mr Patrizio but we can't sell all our properties to you. Even if we did, I doubt it would be able to cover the loan here " That was the truth. We could work ourselves to death, but that loan would still be there.

"Maybe if there's anything else we could do -"

"There is something else of value that I need ", he finally spoke.

"What is it?"

His eyes met mine. Cold. Unreadable. His eyes taking in every single details. I suddenly felt bare. Those hazel could definitely bring any girl to her knees. Good thing I was sitting though. My throat dried. I could hear my heart thundering in my ears. I clenched my sit tighter. Waiting.

"You "

I think my heart skipped a beat. Maybe I heard him wrong.

"Huh. Excuse me?"

"You said it yourself, even if you sell all your properties, it still won't cover the money owed. I'm offering you an alternative . You in exchange for the money owed ". My jaws hanged in the air. Is this some kind of prank. How can he spill out such words and yet still keep a stern face. What's he playing at. I couldn't find words, so I bursted out laughing instead.

He just sat there ,watching me. I continued laughing, because why not. I don't make sense. His jaw ticked, his eyes remain cold. He is serious . My stomach tightened. The laugh returned to my stomach immediately. I suddenly felt cold and uncomfortable. Then he spoke again. His voice was different. Certain Dominating. Commanding. Possessive.

" Every amount of money in that file, would be considered paid. But only in exchange for you ".