Tragedy

Tragic. That's the only word to define those days, when I fell from paradise and was cast into hell as Lucifer. When my love was ripped from me without warning or mercy and carried away.

My name is Anthony but my friends have always called me Tony, and at the beginning of it all I lived with my mother Jessica. My mother was divorced and did her best to provide a good education for me, as well as keeping the house afloat, even though it cost her everything she did what she could. I have always been grateful for this, although I miss my father sometimes, especially when I started to doubt my sexuality. These are usually matters between father and son, no? "That talk," or how a boy's body starts to change in adolescence.

After a long time and a few relationships, I was able to understand that I liked men, but I didn't want everyone to know. After all, young men can be cruel. And how cruel they are.

When I was 17 years old my friends would comment on some dating sites, but always with a tone of "maybe you can't die alone huh", this made me a little irritated so I always ignored them. But they were right, no matter how hard I tried I couldn't fall in love, I could have a relationship but I always felt extremely empty, as if something was missing inside me. I tried to fill it with everything I could, like sex or casual encounters with men that honestly were not even worth the effort of leaving my precious house. But that's life, some people just aren't meant to love.

One day during break I was walking through the halls when my friend Sarah came running up to me, with a beaming smile.

"Hey Tony, I have some news!"

"Don't tell me you're back with Felipe, because if you start that shit again, I swear I'll have you committed to a mental institution."

"Of course not, and I already told you that was the last time."

"Then tell me your 'big news'."

"You know that website that everyone is talking about?

"The one you always use to remind me I'm stuck?"

"That's the one, dear stuck-up."

"Very funny. But then, did you find anyone decent there?"

"Yes!!! His name is Nick, he is super affectionate and gorgeous. We just went out last weekend and I'm already super into him."

Hearing her tell me this with such a bright smile made me happy for her, but it also made me feel apprehensive, considering her history with relationships.

Sarah was an extremely beautiful girl, with her long black hair, her eyes that had a light brown color and long eyelashes, the body of a doll, and the style of dressing that reminds one of an Instagram influencer. But when it came to relationships, she always got into a different mess, ranging from an abusive and controlling boyfriend to some weird stalker who set a date with her and started stalking her everywhere.

I wish she could be happy at least this time.

My thoughts are interrupted when Sarah says:

"You should try it, it's not such a bad site."

"Sure, why don't I take advantage and stamp on my forehead "I'm gay, please date me!!!"."

"Come on, don't be so dramatic! You don't have to shout to the seven corners that you're gay, but you don't have to die alone either."

"You know I'm not lucky in love Sarah, it's no use."

"Look, I already gave you the hint, it's up to you. Just be careful you don't become bitter and alone until you die."

"Thank you very much for your words of encouragement, but I'm off. The bell will be ringing soon and I have to get to class. Good luck with your new boyfriend.

"See you later stranded."

I flash my middle finger and walk toward my classroom, still thinking about what she said to me. Maybe I should try it, maybe it won't be so bad. As long as no one in the school besides her knows there won't be any problem, so why not try it too?

The sign indicating that I could finally leave was playing like music to my ears. I walk out the school door and look for my dear friend Sarah, and I see her getting into a black car that I must admit: it was very beautiful. And she waves to me with the same radiant smile and in the driver's seat I see a blond boy in an ash shirt with sleeves, who I deduce is the guy she had told me about earlier, so I just keep walking home.

During the walk home, I walk slowly and stop when I hear an extremely loud sound that was similar to iron hitting the ground, I continue walking but stop when I realize that the noise was coming from a nearby alley. I get closer to see what was happening, but I am surprised when a boy knocks me to the ground, when I look at him, I realize that he is bruised and with dirty clothes, as if he had rolled on the ground during a fight.

"I'm sorry! Is everything okay?"

He asks me still panting. And I just try to do something in response.

Before I could swear at him or ask him if everything was okay, he starts running again desperately, then two other boys run past me chasing him and disappear into the street. After a while of sitting there trying to process what has just happened, I just manage to shoot one:

"What the fuck just happened?"

As soon as I get up, I realize my situation. I was all dirty and realized that I had fallen into a mud puddle, hatred consumes me at the same instant and I curse for the rest of the way home, and as I remember the face of the boy who was being chased, I realize that he was definitely very handsome.

I could remember him clearly, with dark brown wavy hair, honey-colored eyes with small eyelashes, and a small silver earring in his left ear. I was worried about the situation he was in, but I knew nothing about him, not even a name I had only his appearance. Since apparently, I could do absolutely nothing to help him, I decided to let it go and just continue on my way home.

I walk into my house and call for my mom, with no answer I realize that she might be working or working overtime again. Sometimes I think she should take it easy on the work, but whenever I try to talk to her about it, she just says it's necessary and that after I go to college and become an adult with a good education, she could finally relax a little.

I go straight to my room and throw my backpack on the bed and throw myself on the side, after a long time standing looking at the ceiling, I remember what Sarah told me earlier, about how I don't need to print my sexuality in a newspaper, but I also don't need to be crying for the rest of my life for not getting anyone. If I don't make an effort either, a person is not going to fall into my lap for me.

I take a heavy breath and get up without any willpower and go towards the computer, after turning it on, I enter the stupid site that Sarah sent me repeatedly by message, create an account and start messing around on it looking for something interesting. After an hour and seeing that most of the people nearby were from my school or neighbors who surprisingly were also gay, I am surprised to find the boy who bumped into me earlier.

"Falling into my lap"

In his profile it was written that his name was Daniel, but that his nickname was just Danny, that he liked cats, had a Siamese kitten, studied in a school close to mine and was my age (17 years old). After a while in a fight against myself, I decided to take courage and send some message like a "hello", or a "do you remember me? From earlier today". But before I send it my computer makes a notification noise startling me.

As I read the notification, I almost couldn't believe my eyes when I saw that it was him sending me a message. In total shock and nervousness, I open it and read.

@Danny: Hi, how are you? You are the boy from earlier today, right?

After reading the message I take a deep breath as if searching for some courage and reply:

@Tony: It's me yes, are you ok?

@Danny: I'm asking, tell me I didn't hurt you when I bumped into you today.

@Danny: I'm sorry about that too.

Tony: It's okay, I just got a little dirty. I'm even more concerned about the fact that you are LITERALLY being stalked.

@Danny: Oh yeah, it was just some assholes from my school. I think they're homophobic or something, I didn't want to stick around to find out anyway.

@Danny: I don't know how to fight, but at least I know how to run pretty fast.

@Tonny: hahaha Sorry about that, but I still need to learn how to dodge the "obstacles".

@Danny: ok hahah, I'll remember that next time.

The rest of the conversation went on in a relaxed way, he apologized again for knocking me down during his escape from some "assholes", and I said again that it was okay. Soon after he told me that as soon as he left the school, those "assholes", that neither he nor I bothered to memorize, started to tease him and after Danny answered them with a simple "fuck you, assholes", things started to get more aggressive and he thought it was better just to run away from there, although he was not unharmed.

The next day, I would chat with him on my cell phone exchanging messages like:

@Danny: School sucks, but at least I didn't see any of the asshole duo today.

@Tonny: Tell me about it, but if you need to run again today, let me know so I don't get in the way hahahaha.

@Danny: hahaha what an asshole you are hein.

@Danny: Now I have to go to class, talk to you later.

@Tonny: See you later hallway.

As soon as I turn off my cell phone screen, I realize that Sarah is standing behind me with a bastard smile on her face. I slam my locker in anger that she startled me and walk beside her conversationally.

"Why were you with that little smile looking at your cell phone? And who is Danny?"

"Don't you have anything better to do than read my messages over my shoulder, you weirdo?"

"Please tell me you used the website I pointed you to."

"Yes, gossip lady, I did."

After I said that, I instantly regretted it, because she started jumping up and down and celebrating like crazy, drawing the attention of the people in the hallway.

"Would you please stop making such a fuss? This will only make it easier to have you committed to a mental institution!"

"I can't believe my stranded friend is flirting with someone!"

"I'm not flirting, just talking!"

"So, what's he like? Have you guys ever seen each other in person? Tell me everything!!!"

"Okay okay, I'll tell you everything. Just stop acting crazy."

I tell her everything I know about him, including the part where he bumped into me and knocked me into a mud puddle. As soon as I finish, she starts laughing like crazy, amused by the whole story and after almost peeing herself from laughing so hard she starts talking nonsense like "it can only be something predestined, he literally fell in your lap", and it really made sense since it was such a coincidence that on the same day, he falls on me and at the end of the day I end up talking to him on a dating site.

After hearing Sarah talk about how excited she was to see how this story would end, I go to my office and carry on with my day as normal.

On the way home I kept thinking about everything that happened and how I could give this a chance at least once. Maybe all this coincidence is the universe telling me "Oh shit, there's your crumb. And don't ask me for anything else, okay?", and I should just grab it and try again. When I get home, I notice something unusual, my mother is at home preparing dinner.

I close the door behind me and she welcomes me with a smile, soon after she tells me to take a shower and come down for dinner. I just obey, after all I was very hungry.

When I get out of the shower I walk towards the kitchen, I see my mother setting the table for dinner and when I offer to help her, she refuses and just tells me to sit down because she was already finishing. When we sit down and start eating, she starts a very monotonous dialogue.

"How was the day today, honey?"

"Nothing much happened today, just another normal day in the routine. What about yours? How's work going?"

"I'm picking up another night shift as overtime tomorrow. I'd pick up the shift today anyway, but I wanted to go home and have dinner with you."

"I told you not to push yourself so hard at work. We're fine and in the end, you won't be able to take care of me and the house if you end up dying of exhaustion."

"I'm not going to die of exhaustion, and you know I need to pay off the debt your father made on this house before the divorce."

"Can we not talk about Dad? The mood of the evening will go into free fall."

"All right honey. So, how's Sarah doing? Still choosing her partners poorly?"

"Recently she has been dating a guy she met on a dating site, but I don't know much about that."

"As for you, my son? Do you have anyone you are interested in?"

"No mom, I already said I'm not good for dating."

For the rest of dinner my mother said something very cliché like "every pot has its lid" while I rolled my eyes in embarrassment after each sentence.

I finished dinner and went straight to my room where I went to the computer seeing that they had some messages from Danny. I opened the message reading what was written.

@Danny: Finally free from school. How was your day?

@Tonny: It was normal, no one ran me over today.

@Danny: You won't forget this, will you? hahaha

@Tonny: But of course, not hahaha

@Danny: Anyway, tomorrow is Saturday. Do you have plans yet?

@Danny: I heard that a new eatery opened up 3 blocks down from the school.

@Tonny: Are you asking me out?

@Danny: Are you turning me down?

@Tonny: I'm not saying no, that's fine by me.

@Tonny: What time?

@Danny: How about 12:00?

@Tonny: That's fine with me, just don't rush there hahah

@Danny: Very funny. See you tomorrow then.

@Danny: Try not to get run over too.

I turn off the computer and go to bed prepared to sleep, but I can't. I keep thinking about how I agreed to go out with him so impulsively and about how I should act with him tomorrow, how I should dress, how I should behave and whether or not I should refer to him in a more casual way or not. I stay in this same situation rolling the bed from side to side like a crazy person until I finally manage to fall asleep still with these thoughts.

The next morning, I wake up feeling extremely tired. I went to bed very late, so it was as if I hadn't slept at all, I really just made the worst decisions. I look at my cell phone and see that it's already past 9am, I decide to look for the clothes I'm going out with, taking into account the fact that I'm still undecided.

All morning I kept repeating to myself that I should just calm down and that it was just a date, but I couldn't help but feel an irrational nervousness, as if I was getting ready for something that would change my life. It was extremely ridiculous, all this anxiety.

By 11:00 a.m. I was ready to go out. I chose to wear black jeans and a shirt of the same color, with a dark blue long sleeve plaid shirt over it and simple sports shoes. Since the coffee shop was about 5 blocks from my house, I decided that I would walk calmly so as not to be too early, but also not to be late, another decision that I made unnecessarily due to my nervousness.

I walked down the street and as I approached the cafeteria, my hands were sweating more and more. I couldn't control how nervous I was, and I became more and more irritated and embarrassed by it. "Get a hold of yourself you little shit, you look like a bride on her wedding day," I kept repeating this all the way, and when it didn't work (obviously it wouldn't), I cursed, since it was the only thing, I could do.

After arriving in front of the diner I see that he still wasn't there, I look at my cell phone and see that it was still 11:45. "Shit, too early" I think as I walk in the door of the diner, find a place to sit at a table by the window and just wait, the waitress asks me if I would order now and I answer that I was waiting for someone and that I would just like a strong coffee. I needed to make less apparent the fact that I had slept very little last night like an imbecile thinking about stupid things.

As the clock strikes 12:00 I start to feel nervous, thinking that he might have just turned around and given up on showing up. My anxiety increases with every minute that passes, my hands start to sweat again and the coffee I had earlier only makes it worse "another stupid decision", I think.

As I look at the door of the cafeteria I see him, he was wearing a mustard-colored sweatshirt, black jeans and an all-star in the same color as the sweatshirt. Danny looked exactly as I remembered him, his hair was wavy, his silver earring was shining in his left ear, and his eyes were honey colored, all my anxiety was overcome with great shame when I realized that he saw me staring at him all the way from the door to the table. But what was I supposed to do? He was really handsome. Like an angel.

When he sat down in front of me, I froze, just stood there looking at him, as if my voice had been stolen as an awkward silence settled over the place. Then he decides to break the silence, easing the tension between us both.