Torn Hearts

Bills! Bills! Bills!

I'm done! What did I do to deserve this ? This wasn't the plan! I will run mad at this rate.

I hit my head against the table repeatedly while struggling with the tears that have started pricking my eyes. My only crime was trusting the man I loved. Well, look where love got me. With just $200 left in my account, I'm flat broke until my next paycheck. The electricity bill is due, the hospital has been calling for two days to ask for a deposit, there is no hot water running anymore, I had to even beg the landlady for the heater in this terrible winter, my exams are coming up soon and I have not paid a single dime out of my tuition.

It's safe to say that I'm screwed.

With no other solution in mind, tears start streaming down my eyes and I gladly welcome the taste of salty water in my mouth. I move to the floor and hug my knees to my chest.

I'm tired. I'm really tired. This is getting too much for me. All my hard work of five years gone like that.

I don't even remember anything regarding my course. God help me. I push my mini twists behind my ear. Okay, enough tears. I don't think I have anymore anyways. I need to get something big. Would bring a stripper be such a bad idea? Who am I kidding? My self consciousness would kill me before my bills.

I think I have done every menial job on earth in the past five years. What's left really? I really need to get out of this situation ASAP.

My alarm goes off reminding me of my shift that starts in less than 15 minutes. Shoot!

It's a good 20 minutes walk from my house and I don't have any spare money for a cab right now so running it will be. I quickly take my worn out bag and rush out the door. Thankfully, snow has not began yet so the the roads are still free just that the weather is freezing. I put on my jacket and sprint to Starbucks while puffing out cold air.

Fortunately, I make it just in time for my shift. Two minutes late anyways but who is counting?

I go to the back and change my t-shirt. I grab my pen and pad and walk over to the women who just occupied table 5.

"Good day. I am Mia and I'll be taking down your orders. What would you like to order?". I greet them with a smile on my face. Thankfully, they reciprocate and look at their menu almost at the same time. From their facial appearances, they should be middle aged.

"I'll have two baked apple croissants and an iced latte". One of the women with blonde hair and green eyes replies with a polite smile. I write down her order and face the others with a questioning look.

"I'll have the same as her".

"I'll have a vanilla latte".

"I'll have hot chocolate".

I take down their orders and tell them that their orders will be ready soon. I head back to the kitchen and relay the orders.

Ten minutes later, I carry their orders to their table.

"So girls, guess what?"

"Girl, just talk. What's the suspense for?". The dark skinned one replies the blonde woman.

"You are just a spoil sport. Anyways, my boss is looking to hire another nanny... again". They all chuckle.

"What happened to the last one?". One of the ladies asks.

"She stole his gold wristwatch and ran away. Heard he bought it for $10,000! Girls, he was livid". She drags out the last word to emphasize how angry her boss must have been.

"Oh my! At least she's better than her predecessor who brought in her boyfriend while his daughter was around". Laughter goes around the table.

This must happen a lot to her boss. Poor man. Well, not so poor if he can afford a $10,000 watch. He must definitely be paying his staff well right? Perhaps I can get more information from her.

"Oh! Thank you Mia. I didn't notice you there. We were so caught up with our gossip". I smile sweetly at her.

"It's no problem ma'am". I drop off their orders and wait at the counter for them so that I can approach her.

Thankfully, by the time they get up from their table, I don't have any table to attend to. I walk quickly towards the group before they can open the door.

"Excuse me ma'am. Can I speak to you for a moment?". They all stop in their tracks and turn to face me simultaneously. The blonde woman signals them to go ahead. She faces me as if to give me a go ahead.

"Sorry for stopping you like this. While I was serving you guys earlier, I couldn't help but hear about the nanny vacancy you spoke about. How can I apply for it?"

"First of all, call me Sheila. Secondly, you can apply but in the traditional way. All I need to do is to discuss with my boss first about you then it's up to him to have an interview with you". A wide smile spreads on my face at her response.

"Thank you very much ma.... Sheila. I need to give you my number right?". She nods affirmatively and hands her phone to me. I punch in my digits and give myself a call so that I can have her number too.

"So just send me a text message that includes your full name, age, educational level and experience with kids".

"Okay I will get them to you at the close of the day. When can I expect to hear from you?"

"Well Sunday but latest Monday morning". I try to resist the urge to hug her.

"Oh ok. Thank you so much, Sheila. This means a lot to me. I should let you go now. Your friends have been waiting for a while".

"Oh yes! Goodbye! Have a nice day". She leaves and rushes over to her friends who are by a car. They all get into what seems to be her car because she's driving.

I really hope I get this job.

So I have a choice to make. It's either I visit my sister at the hospital and risk them kicking us out because of the deposit I'm still yet to pay or I don't go and my subconscious kills me with guilt for leaving my sister with strangers while she's fighting for her life.

I'm not stupid nor heartless. Of course, I'm going to my sister. I just need to eat first though. I got back very late from my shift yesterday and forgot to eat. I slept off immediately I got back. My fridge is nearly empty save for some chees and milk that I'm sure is almost expired.

Remembering that I got my paycheck yesterday, I take $50 out of it and decide to get groceries. I should probably cook something for I and Clara. Home cooked food would do us both some good right now. I've been leaving off microwaved leftovers and take outs for the past two weeks. Pizza has started irritating me. Ugh.

As I'm taking the grocery bag, thunder rumbles and a pained groan leaves my mouth. I just hope I can get to Walmart before the rain starts. My hair is so going to smell...

I start looking for my umbrella only to remember that it is broken. I'm royally screwed. I have just one embarrassing choice left. My shower cap.

I quickly take it from the bathroom and push all my mini twists under it. Well, I'm good to go.

I push my phone into my back pocket and leave the house. The sky looks so gloomy. The rain is definitely going to be heavy.

Today is off to a bad start because the minute I take a step out of my house, the rain comes down heavily. Well, it's too late to turn back now. I start running as if my life depends on it. It kinda does though if you think about it. I can't afford to be under this rain for long if not I risk catching a horrible cold.

After what seems like a thousand years of being beaten with a whip of rain, I finally reach the doors of Walmart.

Thankfully, their AC is not switched on so I don't have to worry about freezing to death anytime soon. I greet the cashier and head to the fast food section. As I'm contemplating on which coffee to take because of the prices, a cart full of purely chocolate and sweets drop to my side.

Why would anyone eat this much sweets? Not judging though. What's my business?

Thankfully, I finally pick the coffee I want, scratch that, the coffee I can afford. As I turn, something hits me hard and I trip. I find myself on the ground and suddenly I'm looking up at the most beautiful blue eyes I have ever seen.

His chiseled features and piercing blue eyes immediately drew me in. His dark wavy hair fell a little bit to the left side of his face and in the most messy but perfect way. He is dressed una crisp white t-shirt and a pair of joggers that screams old money. Standing tall at probably 6'3, he has a fit and athletic build. The t-shirt hugs his upper body perfectly and outlines his abs. I have never been a sucker for abs but baby! This one hits different and it's just the outline I've seen.

Thoughts that have never come up in my head in my 24 years of life start growing roots and wings out of nowhere. Talking about heads.... My head! I wince internally remembering that my granny like shower cap is still on my head. Shit! Talk about first impressions. Send help!

Will be be a gentleman and help me up? Maybe when he does, we can have a chat and something mo-

"Pick them up". A deep velvety voice snaps me out of my daydreams.

"What?"

He points his finger towards the shopping cart that has been toppled sideways. It contains chocolates. Lots of them.

Oh so he is the owner of the cart I saw earlier. But why should I be the one to pick them up? He made me fall and now I'm to blame? You've got to be kidding me. Any ounce of a crush I developed in the past two minutes immediately disappears and is replaced by anger. The nerve of this fine looking man.

I put my hands on the floor and lean back slightly. I look at him and the cart alternatively and burst into laughter.

For a second, a split second, I saw his eye twitch. In amusement or anger, I could care less really.

"What's so funny?". He asks with a tone that clearly says that he isn't as amused as I am.

"You. You are very funny. Try looking into a career as a comedian. You made me fall, didn't say sorry and you even have the nerve to tell me to pack up your stuff. You must be joking". All traces of laughter disappear from my features. I stand up from the group and dust my hands.

I slowly walk up to him while putting a twist behind my ear.

"Your personality is a stark contrast to your taste".

I turn away from him and bend down to pick my coffee from the floor. I still need to get solid food or something. He is still standing there when I turn back only this time his aloof look is now deadly. Meh! Good riddance to bad rubbish.

After getting some foodstuffs I can survive on for the next few days, I go to the cashier with them. While waiting for the person in front of me to finish up, a white t-shirt is suddenly blocking my view. Oh! It's the jerk from before.

Without any regard for those that were there before him, he drops his full cart of chocolates and basically every type of sweet thing in this place. That man is going to be on a diabetes treatment soon, mark my words.

Right before my eyes, the audacious cashier starts checking out his items. The fuck?!

"Hey! I was here before him. This is wrong. Moreover, my stuff is way smaller compared to his". I push my way to the front to face the cashier. She is too busy smiling seductively at him to even assimilate a word I'm saying.

"Ma'am, I'll be done soon. Just calm down". The bitch is still smiling at the guy. Honestly I might kill someone if they are not careful.

"Answer me now. This is just because of his face and your urge to fuck him, isn't it?". That's enough to snap her out of her fantasies.

If looks could kill, I would be 6ft under by now.

"Who do you think you are talking to that way?". She snarls.

"A thirsty ass bitch. But be for real bitch, you can always fuck him right after I leave. Well, that's if he can overlook the smell of desperado that you reek of". Done with this horrible day and also knowing that she won't attend to me after this, I drop my cart on the counter.

"Bye Felicia!". I feel eyes on me as I leave. I resist to look back at whoever it is. That girl must be fuming though. I should probably go and get some McDonald's. I don't think I can make it to the hospital today. They have successfully destroyed my mood.

Dread fills me as I arrive at the hospital but I shake it off. On the bright side, I can finally pay something. I head over to the room I know so well while trying not to inhale the smell of the hospital. I despise hospitals but once again I don't have much of a choice.

I just really hope she's getting a bit better. Ever since her diagnosis six months ago, it's been a rollercoaster of pain for her. Seeing my little sister who was so full of life growing so weak in the span of a few months has caused me so much heartache. I really wish there was something I could do to help her. It hurts so much seeing her fall apart.

I walk towards the familiar door that my sister is staying in. I open it slowly in case she's sleeping. The sight that greets me makes my heart clench in fear.

Clara's lean body is in a straight line with her bony chest rising and falling slowly in the oversized hospital gown. She used to be so chubby. She looks so weak. The cap that's now on her head only makes this look more real to me. She used to have very long beautiful brown hair. Even my Caucasian father was jealous of her hair.

I had to help her shave it off last month. She started chemo and didn't want to go through seeing her hair fall out in clumps, so shaving it was. I think I cried even more than her while I was shaving it. I used to braid her hair for her.

I close the door gently in order not to startle her. I can't even tell if she's asleep or just closing her eyes from the pain.

I take a seat beside her and run my eyes over her pale body. Tears pool in my eyes as I refuse that this is my Clara. Clara couldn't stay in one place for the life of her. She is an extreme extrovert and was always playing with her friends. While I was always busy reading, she was picking fights with bullies. Always trying to set them straight.

She even told papa once to change her ballet to Kung Fu. When we asked her why, she said that the ballet was too gentle and calm for a strong girl like her.

Even right now on this bed that's threatening to swallow her whole, I can still see that strong little girl. She has been fighting relentlessly and I know she will win. She always does.

"Good morning Sissy. I'm sorry I didn't come over for two days. You must have been lonely right? I'm sorry my love. You wouldn't guess what happened yesterday. I have so much tea for you. The best has to be that I might get a really good paying job today or tomorrow". I hold her hand and squeeze it lightly.

She squeezes back to show that she's listening. I look up at her to see her eyes wide open. They look drowsy but seeing her conscious reassures me. What I would do to see her running around again.

"Hey sissy". Her weak voice makes the tears I've been trying to keep at bay fall without any restrictions.

"How are you today? Should I call the doctor?". Could she be in a lot of pain? I should probably go and call the doctor to check on her.

She raises her hand and nods at me. She doesn't need the doctor, I guess.

"Have you eaten anything today?". A frown takes over my face.

"I don't feel like eating. I don't want to stay here anymore Mia. I don't want to spend my last days here". She puffs out a breath to show that it took a lot of strength from her to say all those words.

"Why? You are doing so well baby. You will be out of here before you can say Jack. Then I'll take you to Disneyland and then you can learn whatever sport you want. You just need to hang in there a little longer". I squeeze her hand tighter as if trying to reassure her.

"What's the use? I'm going to die, Mia. You are just wasting money". It's like every word that leaves her mouth is painful. This is very unlike my sister. She doesn't give up. What could have changed within 2 days? Did someone say something to her? I doubt it. I will make sure she leaves this hospital even if it's the last thing I do on earth. I'll be damned before I lose my last family member.

"You are not going anywhere. You are stronger than this. Way stronger. Are you not that girl that told me she was going to destroy cancer? Do you want to submit to it the way mum did?". I'm full on sobbing by now.

"I'm not giving up. I'm just being truthful to myself. You are wasting money sissy".

"You can give up on yourself but I'm never going to do that. I promise we will get through this together. And about the money, that's on me, not you. So relax and let me tell you about my week". I give her a reassuring smile and she lets out a tired sigh as if telling me that she doesn't care anymore.

Ignoring her, I go on to tell her about my week, how Mrs Faisal's cat died yesterday from a car accident, the jerk from Walmart and the possible new job. I continue babbling so much that I don't even realize when she falls asleep. She was probably really tired.

I tuck her in properly and leave the room. She seems so tired. I head over to the reception and speak to the cashier.

"Good day ma'am. I would like to pay out of the deposit for the girl in ward 98". She nods in response and begins typing on the computer in front of her.

"Okay. How much will you be paying?". I bring out the $500 cash from my bag.

"$500. I know it's not a lot but I'm really trying to get the money". She collects the cash and stares at me with so much pity in her eyes that makes me wince internally.

"I understand love but I'm not the owner of the hospital so it's not really out of the hands. The doctor has really tired to that Clara without payment for weeks now which is wrong according to the hospital policies. Also, the doctor asked to see you once you arrive. He is in the office". I nod in appreciation, drop off the cash and head to the doctor's office.

After knocking the door to his office twice, I hear a "come in" and enter. The doctor is at the desk looking through some files. His thin framed glasses hang on his nose making him look so serious.

Doctor Brown has been wonderful to us for the past three months. He kept on treating Clara even though I found it hard to pay up. Although I have not paid anything significant in the past month, he still continues to try his best to help Clara.

If he asked to see me, it means that something important has come up.

"Oh Mia! Welcome. If I didn't know better I would have said you were avoiding my calls for the past two days".

"Of course not. How could I avoid my favorite doctor? Never!"

"Oh really?!"

We burst into laughter and I take a seat in front of him.

"The cashier said you wanted to see me"

"Mia, I'm sure you already know what this is about. In as much as I want to continue helping your sister, hospital policies are not on my side at the moment. It's getting harder to keep your sister in the ward without a down payment. I'm sorry but the authorities have given you just a week to get the down payment ready or else we have to caught off your sister from the hospital care". He replies me with a solemn look.

Well, I can't say I'm surprised because it has been a long time coming. It's just the small time frame that's going to be an issue for me.

"Is there really nothing I can do to extend the time limit they gave?"

"I'm sorry but this is it. I had to even plead with them to be considerate because of how critical her condition is. On that note, I also need to inform you that your sister doesn't seem to be showing much improvements so far. Her body is reacting badly against chemo and at this point, the chemo is starting to do her more harm than good". My heart plummets into my stomach and my mind flashes to Clara's frail body.

"Doctor, what does that mean for her?"

"Well, we can't say anything definitive right now but she needs to be taken off chemo for a while. To allow her body adjust. Then after a few weeks, we will run some tests on her and find out the next step to take for her treatment. You don't need to worry. We will be taking other measures to restrict the cancer's growth in the meantime. All of these however can't be allowed without a down payment. I really hope you can get it soon. Clara had been a fighter so far but I'm getting worried about her mental state. Try to spend more time with her".

I don't know what he might have observed about her but I immediately understood what he was saying from the time I spent with her today.

"Thank you doctor. I'll try my best to get it. Thank you for always looking out for us. It really means a lot".

"It's my duty as a doctor. You are welcome".

Well, not all doctors are like you.

"Goodbye. Have a nice day". I take my leave and go to check on Clara one more time before I leave the hospital. She's still sleeping so I settle for talking to her tomorrow.

As soon as I get to the hospital car park, my phone starts to ring. I take it out from my back pocket and place it on my ear.

"Hello Mia. This is Sheila from Starbucks". I clear my throat to ensure my voice is clear.

"Yes Sheila. Thanks for calling me. How have you been? Any news?". I hope I don't sound too desperate.

"Yes. I'm very well, thank you. So the boss wants to see you on Monday morning 9am sharp. He is a punctual person so try to be here before 8:45 to prevent any issues". My heart leaps in joy.

"Oh yes! I will. This means a lot to me Sheila. A whole lot. I won't be late"

"No need to thank me love. I'll hold you to that. I'll send you the house address. When you get here simply ask for Mr Ross and that you are here for an interview".

"Ok, thank you. I will do that"

"Goodbye Mia. Have a nice day"

"Yes, you too. Thank you once again". She chuckles and hangs up.

All of a sudden, tears burst out of my eyes. A mixture of happy and sad tears, really. I really hope I get this job. This job could help me pay for Clara's down payment.

I spend the next ten minutes in the hospital parking lot crying my heart out while by passers look at me with pity and sympathy in their eyes. They probably think I lost someone.

Well, I hope I don't.