Too Beautiful For the Alpha

When I was younger, I convinced myself that I would never have a Mate. Maybe it was for dumb reasons like, my face is full of pimples, or my legs are too fat, or my hair is dry and not as soft and shiny as hers. In my young mind, I believed no guy would want me because at the time I didn't possess such traits. It is a stupid thing to believe-that I am too ugly for a Mate-but the thought grasped onto me for years. The thought brought me to tears while I sat in my bathtub, only in the tub so no one could hear me. All in all, I was depressed.

Me, a sixteen-year-old werewolf at the time, was depressed because of my physical appearance. I mean, werewolves are supposed to be beautiful right? Flawless skin, vibrant hair, lushes lips, soothing voice, perfect body, a list of traits that surrounded me, yet traits I didn't have. All of the girls my age were beautiful, and I was the ugly duckling.

"Don't worry, you'll grow into your ears," my mother would tell me, pushing my dull, knotted brown hair over them.

"Don't worry, I'm sure your breasts will come, you're just a late bloomer," she'd say.

"Your feet aren't too small."

"Your face will clear up."

"Having brown eyes is lovely, people want brown eyes like yours, Rae."

I'd stare up at her and think about all the lies she's told me. Will I really grow into my ears? No. They'll always be a little too big, and they still are three years later.

My mother was a beautiful woman, and a beautiful wolf too. She looked more like one of the other girl's mothers than mine. She could have been an Alphas Mate, that's how perfect she was. Only the most beautiful girls are mated with an Alpha. Sadly-in my theory-I wouldn't get a Mate at all.

At first, the thought made me depressed, but as the years went by, it made me feel free. As the other girls prepared for gatherings-ones where packs would get together in search of their Mate-I would sit at home and argue with my mother.

"I don't have a mate, mom!"

She'd cross her arms. "That's ridiculous, Rae."

"It's not. I can feel it. I don't have a mate; it doesn't matter if I go. It'll be a waste of time."

"Stop that. Now get on the dress and let's get going. You're going to be late!"

That year I actually attended one. I wore a purple dress and sat in the corner all night while four girls my age found their mates. One was a Beta. A Beta! It was understandable; she was a pretty girl.

I sat in the corner, playing judge, judging everyone and their mates, their dancing, their dresses. Sure, I found it easier to accept that I'd never find a Mate, but part of me was still jealous.

This year, my fourth year of the gatherings, I plan on not attending again. I've only been once, when I was seventeen, so I'd like to spare myself from that pain. My mother doesn't seem to mind after that one time. Maybe she has begun to believe my theory too.

There is a knock on my bedroom door, and I call my mother in. She's carrying a folded piece of golden cloth, and I already know what it is. A dress. "We've been through this before," I mutter and look away from her, back down at my book as I lay sprawled out on my bed.

"Rae, I really think you should go this year. You didn't last year, so maybe-"

I shut my book and tiredly peer up. "Mom. I know you want me to go, but there's no point. I have no mate," I repeat what I have said the years before.

"Everyone has a mate."

"That's impossible. What if there's one more girl werewolf than there are guys? What if I'm that one?"

My mother drops the dress on my bed. "You're not that one. My daughter has a Mate. Now I've let you lazy around for the past three years, so it's time you start taking this seriously. You're nineteen, girls your age are excited by parties and the idea of mates. So put on the dress and be downstairs in twenty minutes before I call a guard and have them drag you out."

I sit up swiftly. "A guard can't do that!"

She begins to walk out the door. "They will now!" Then she shuts it behind her.

I groan and flop back down. I have the urge to yell back, I don't have a mate, but instead, I whine and dramatically put on the damn dress. It's gold and silky and girly, and something one of the pretty girls would wear. A girl like me should not wear this dress as the bust area clearly requires more bust. How embarrassing. Now everyone at the gathering will know that Rae East has small breasts, not that they couldn't have figured it out.

When I saunter downstairs, my mother hurries me out the door after handing me a pair of her shorter high heels. I take them with a look of disgust.

"It's at the usual place, so don't try and lie saying you got lost or couldn't find it," my mother calls as I wander away from the house, then she shuts the door, likely locking me out.

Here I am, walking to the gathering when I expected to be reading for the entire night until I pass out and drool onto the pages. My normal Saturday nights in the pack. It's nothing exciting like sneaking off pack land or secretly meeting up with a guy who is not my mate, stuff the other girls do. Half of them have lost their virginity long ways back, dropped it in the woods against a tree or something.

These thoughts make me less jealous of them.

I follow the path and wobble a few times, stumbling on a rock. Social interaction is not my specialty, so when I hear voices coming at me, I rush into the trees and hide. With my chest rising and falling quickly, I peek out to watch.

A large group of men appear in the distance, and as they walk closer, I notice one to be my Alpha. My heart clenches at the sight of him. I have met the Alpha once before, and I was awkward as usual. He probably wouldn't remember me if he saw me. Alphas are busy I suppose, they meet a lot of people, and it must be impossible to remember such an insignificant face as mine.

I lean forward to get a better view of who he's with, and I notice one person to be the Luna, and I lean a little further, and my foot gets caught on a tree root, and I claw at the bark to catch myself, and I slowly fall to my knees, and the group comes to a halt. I freeze.

They scan the trees until the Luna's eyes fall upon me, somewhat hidden behind a low bush. "Hello?" She calls out. "Who's there?"

I bite the inside of my cheek and get up, dirt coating my palms and sprinkled on my dress. "Sorry," I say nervously. "I thought I saw something out further, but I tripped and. . . Well, sorry if I scared you. I'm just on my way to the-"

"The gathering for the mateless?" The Luna finishes.

I finally land back on the path and get a good view of the small crowd. My eyes go straight to my Alpha, apologetically of course, but the man beside him grabs my attention.

He's an Alpha no doubt; he looks like one. The sort of perfection only the most prestigious werewolves display. I could explain every one of his magnificent features and write a book about it all, but something else has me entranced. The feeling in my stomach. Or is it my heart? Or is it my more delicate regions? Maybe it's everything. It's like his eyes are tearing me apart just because they can. I swallow.

He makes my mouth water, this man, this Alpha, and I shouldn't think in such ways about someone above me. His position stomps on my entire life. I am a speck to him.

Finding it very hard to concentrate, I begin to see small movements on his face. His eyes shoot to me, then immediately gaze off, then come to me again, then leave again, like he's looking at an eclipse. His jaw muscles clench, and I cross my feet, one leg moving in front of the other, almost squeezing together. My heart races, like someone is beating a drum in my chest, and I don't understand any of it.

As I stare at him, I cannot help but imagine myself dropping my virginity in the forest, against a tree, maybe even the one I was hidden behind a moment or two ago.

Wait. What?

"Shouldn't you be on your way, then?" My Alpha cuts through the silence and drags me back to reality.

I briefly wet my dry lips before tossing together words that mean nothing to me at the moment. "Yes, I'll get out of your way."

I step to the side and watch as the man, the Alpha, walk past me along with the others, his scent giving my head a spin. He doesn't look back at me like I would for him, he only keeps on walking, leaving me in a confusing fog, lost, not knowing what to do next.

I struggle for a minute, still standing on the path.

Everything in my animalistic being is telling me what I do not want to hear. It's shouting at me, and I have my headphones on, trying to ignore it.

That Alpha, that man, that Alpha. . . An Alpha! What am I thinking? Me, mated to an Alpha? What a joke! If the girls were here right now, they'd sure get a kick out of this. Rae East thought she was mates with an Alpha, what a laugh!

I have the urge to smack myself for being so stupid.

I make my way down the path once again and dread the gathering. Not only will I feel like a complete idiot, but I will also now have to watch girls flirt and dance, maybe even discover their mates, something I would never experience because I don't have a Mate, and I will never have a Mate!

It is like convincing my sixteen-year-old self all over again.

There are one hundred males and one hundred and one females, and I am the one. I am the leftover.

I find the building and huff before walking towards it, preparing to join the crowd.

I enter the building and find many girls in their flashy dresses accompanied by many men in their dress shirts and slacks, all looking quite nice. Then I join the mix, and people start to glance over. After last year, they probably thought they'd never see me at one of these again. One can only hope.

While trying to get that damn mysterious Alpha out of my head-his image infecting my mind-I search the room for anyone that can help me. These girls must know everything about mates, unlike myself. When my mother tried to teach me, I forced myself to ignore her, not wanting to get excited about something I will never have. Now I just have to make sure, the girls will tell me what finding your mate is like, and my little run-in will turn to nothing after all. It was simply minor attraction to the man. I swear.

Two familiar girls are leaning against a nearby wall, and I slip through the crowd to bother them for a second. Their eyes focus in on me when I get close.

"Can I ask you something?" I walk up and try not to be a bother, but it's inevitable at this point.

They look at each other before the blonde on the left says, "What?"

I smile weirdly, trying to seem less severe. "What does one experience when one has discovered ones Mate?" That was terrible. Dear Goddess, someone stop me.

The girls look me up and down. "Why?"

Then the black-haired girl beside the blonde-possibly named Stacey-asks, "Did you find your mate, Rae?"

She knows my name? Well, probably from my great personality two years ago when I sat in the corner the entire time. "No. I'm just curious."

"Well," the blonde starts, "you just know. It's like a feeling, and then you just know that you're mates."

"I mean, he'll be the most gorgeous man you've ever seen. You might feel suddenly horny too-" Stacey says wittily and the blonde elbows her. "Sorry, it's just what I've heard."

"You're disgusting," the blonde mutters, embarrassed by her friend. "Some of us are actually trying to find our Mates."

I smile, needing to get away from this conversation. "Uh, thanks," I murmur and walk away, not with any particular motive.

Oddly enough, I spot the table in the corner that I singly occupied two years ago, and I take a seat. Everyone around me seems to be having a good time, and I would be internally hating this if I wasn't so distracted.

How do I know if I felt that feeling or not? Sure I felt something, but as I said, it could have just been an attraction. This is stupid; I am stupid for even thinking of a possibility where me, Rae, could be mated to him, an Alpha. He was walking with my Alpha, being all Alpha, expecting to find an Alpha-worthy mate for him to ravish. Obviously, an awkward girl who stumbles and falls isn't his ideal mate. She is no ones ideal mate. That is why she must remain mateless.

My thoughts are jumbled. He has jumbled me.

Leaning back and looking up, I watch everyone move around the room. After an hour or so of sitting and ignoring my pesky thoughts, someone finds their mate. The crowd parts for them. Everyone's watching, visible happy for her, but jealous on the inside.

She's blushing, smiling, she's nervous. He looks happy, most likely because he's found himself a for sure lay. That's terrible, and I shouldn't think that. Mates aren't like that, right? Who am I to know anything about mates? I'm the blubbering idiot who thought she was mated to an Alpha for Goddess sakes. I hope they're happy together, then. I hope she's fulfilled by him, the man she's now supposed to spend the rest of her life with. Just one glance and she's been swiped away for a lifetime.

Frightening, isn't it? I'm glad I don't have to deal with that.

It's obvious, right? I clearly believe that I am mated to an Alpha.

I look across the table and spot the tray of full glasses of wine that the guy in the white tucked-in shirt left for a moment. He went through the bathroom doors just a minute ago. My eyes narrow in on them, the glasses, the elegant, red liquid that is sure to make me forget.

Swiftly, I stand up and swipe two glasses from the tray of six and walk off. I gulp down one like a crazy person and set it on a random table before sipping the other normally. I'm not supposed to be drinking alcohol, but hopefully, I am unnoticeable enough to the point where I get away with it.

I slip through people and at one point even cut through a couple dancing. They glare at me while I continue on my way to nowhere.

My eyes fall upon the main doors as if they've been told to look, and of course, my Alpha, my Luna, and the Alpha are walking inside. I nearly choke on my wine and turn around, quickly heading the other way. I can smell him from here. That delicious male smell that probably fills his bed, embedded into the pillows. It's everywhere.

I down the rest of my wine and place the glass on the tray that I once stole it from. The bathroom looks like a safe place, but then I spot an exit and choose that.

It's been over an hour. My mother can't be too upset if I come home now. Surely, the doors are unlocked.

Once I make it back, I wiggle the handle, and thankfully the door opens, letting me in. Most of the lights are off, and I assume my mother has gone to bed. I kick her heels off at the door and walk into the living room, where she happens to be sitting. I stop.

"It's been over an hour so-" I start, but she cuts me off with surprising news.

"A man came to the door," she says bluntly. "What did you do, Rae?"

My throat runs dry. "What kind of man?"

"Tell me what you did. Was it at the party? Did you flip a table? Did you spill something on a girl's dress on purpose?"

"What? No. Who came to the door, mom?"

She stands up, her arms crossed. "A man. He's not from our pack. I know that. He just said that Ms. East needs to be ready by midnight. So tell me, what did you do?"

My heart drops. "I didn't do anything. I-I. . . I don't know what happened, he just walked by and-"

"Who just walked by? What are you talking about, Rae?"

"The man, the Alpha-"

"Our Alpha? Dear Goddess, Rae. What did you do to the Alpha?"

I shake my head, in a panic. "Not our Alpha. Another Alpha."

"What did you do to that Alpha?" She says dramatically, and I have the need to yell.

"Mother, please. Just stop. Just listen for a second. I'm not really sure what happened. He just-the Alpha - Look, I might sound like an idiot, but just hear me out. I might have found my," I've never thought I'd say these words to my mother, ever, "mate. I might have found my mate, and it might be that Alpha, but I'm not sure. It was just a feeling. It could have been anything but. . . " Her face causes my words to drift off. "Mom?"

"Y-You're sure? You think so? An Alpha?" She breathes out. "Wow, um, I'm not sure what-I don't know what to do in this situation. W-Well, I suppose you should be ready, whatever that means, at midnight. Just, um, prepare for. . . "

"I'm not even sure about it, mom."

She nods. "Well, just in case then. Just be ready at midnight, and we'll see what happens."

I nod also, and we stand in silence for a second or twenty before she says, "you know, I knew you'd find your mate."

Feeling very overwhelmed, all I can give her is a smile, and not even a good one. "Alright. I'm going to go upstairs until it's time."

Once in my bedroom with the door locked, I run my hands through my hair and fan my heated face. It's already eleven twenty; I only have forty minutes to figure something out. For some reason, it feels as if he is coming to get me, coming to kill me. I have forty minutes to live, well, thirty-nine now.

There is no way I can do this. I can't face whoever or whatever is going to be here at twelve. It's not even time, and I feel as if my heart is going to fail.

We can't be mates. He didn't even say a word to me. I need more than one glance to be forever mated with someone. I need days, weeks, months, heck; I need years. I need years to process, and as of now, I have thirty-eight minutes.

That's it, I'm going to have a panic attack, and in result, I grab a bag and begin piling necessities inside. For some reason, because I can never react like a normal person, I have the brilliant idea to run away from all of this. If I run away, then I will never have to face that beautiful creature of an Alpha who makes my legs squeeze together. Oh, Goddess watch over me, I'm going to hell.

In the bag, I toss a few warm pieces of clothing, my toothbrush, no toothpaste, socks, a pair of running shoes, and if I have to shift, I don't mind tearing this dress apart. The wine leaves me a dizzy mess as I flail my arms about, my hands grabbing whatever is within reach. At some point, I picture of my father falls in, and I begin to cry.

The clock reads eleven fifty now, and I sit on the floor, tear-stained cheeks, red, puffy eyes, and a wrinkled dress. I at least want to be wearing clothes I like when he comes and kills me, so I slowly get up and replace the dress for more comfortable clothes. Something I would wear around the house. My mother would kill me if she knew I would be wearing this to face an Alpha.

My runaway bag is a mess, my hair is a mess, my face is a mess, my life is a mess. Rae East is a mess who might just be mated to an Alpha. Poor man, mated to a wreck like me. He deserves a beautiful mate, some girl like the ones at the gathering, heck, even more beautiful than them. With a position, face, and body like his, he could get the Moon Goddess if he wanted.

I hear a knock at the door downstairs, the house is quiet enough to hear such subtle sounds, and I swallow.

Kiss life goodbye, Rae.

With my bedroom door cracked open, I can hardly hear my mother answer the door.

"Hello, can I help you?" She asks whoever is there.

"Yes, I'm looking for Ms. East. I'm assuming she's your daughter. Alpha Grant is expecting her presence."

"Yes, she's upstairs. Might I ask what for?"

"I was told nothing but to retrieve her."

Well, I know his last name. That's something. It's not enough, but still something. I know of him, this Alpha, his pack is a little farther than the ones that usually come to the gathering. It's a strong pack, one of the strongest. That's all I know.

I know my mother is going to call for me, but I do not want to go downstairs and off with this stranger. He was told to retrieve me, so the Alpha told him to do so. Part of me wishes that the Alpha would have continued to ignore my existence, just as he did when we had our encounter on the path. Maybe he is going to reject me. Maybe that's why he needs me-it's only for a moment then.

It will hurt, I know that. I can't help it.

"Rae, there's a man here for you," my mother calls, on queue.

Glancing at my bag, I sigh and head through the door, ready to get this over with. It'll just take a minute; then I can go back to the way things were, my lovely, mateless life. Maybe I'll move to the city, live amongst the humans and pretend to be one of them. Humans die alone sometimes, so I will fit in there. We'll all be alone together.

I'll be shunned from my pack, hell, the entire werewolf kind will reject me if they find out, but I don't need them in my life. I can live as a human. It sounds pleasant, the human life.

What a dream.

"Rae," my mother calls again, and I steadily make my way down the stairs.

It will only take a second, I repeat to myself, chanting in my head. It will hurt, the rejection, but I'll be okay. I've lost people in my life. I know how this works. If only the mate bond was nonexistent-it would be a breeze without it. "I'm here," I say at the bottom, and the two look to me. "Where are we going?"

The man in the door is tall and well built, likely one of his guards. "To the Alpha, at your pack house. He is with your Luna and Alpha, but he will give instructions on what to do."

Instructions? "For what?"

"It's best if you leave the questions for him."

I look to my mother, and she seems somewhat excited by this. She must not know that he's going to reject me, or maybe she does. Maybe she's just trying to hide it so I won't be too upset about it.

"Alright," I murmur, "let's make this quick."

I know where the pack house is, but I have never been inside like most of my pack. It is where the Alpha and Luna live, where important people stay, where they love each other and make love until the sun dries up the sky. That is at least what the girls daydream about. They dream about the Alpha, what it would be like to be mated to him, the feelings, sensations only he could give. Some girls say that's why the Luna is so happy and so pregnant half the time. She's had her third child, and anymore seem crazy to me. Who am I to judge, though?

I follow the man, walking a few steps behind him. He will glance back at me, maybe making sure that I haven't run away off into the trees. He knows too, doesn't he? He knows that I'm going to be rejected. I wonder if he feels bad for me.

Can an Alpha reject their mate? Sure, but it is not a good option unless they have a woman with Alpha blood to replace her. And even the woman of Alpha blood-a highly desired woman-isn't as good as a Mate. Nothing can replace ones true mate, but I suppose this Alpha Grant has his backup for when he dumps me. He must have a woman with Alpha Blood, someone beautiful and worthy. I'm sure she could do better than me anyway, his true mate or not.

While lost in my thoughts, the guard grabs my attention when he comes to a halt. I peer up and realize that we are here. He is just inside, a few steps away, so close but so far.

I swallow, preparing myself for the inevitable heartbreak.

It will just take a minute.

It is a rare thing, to enter the pack house unless you are someone worthy, which I am clearly not. I am a woman about to be rejected by an Alpha, surely not worthy. Heck, I should be grateful to stand on the porch.

The guard does not knock, but confidently opens the door, and I hesitate before following him inside. There are voices further in, and just before I expect to unmask their owners, the guard turns down a hallway. Quite confused and lost, I follow him like a child without their mother to guide them. Too young to be making such decisions.

Oh Goddess, I smell him. That scent that I can't describe in less than a hundred words. It is everything wonderful all in one cologne, and somehow, it works. The further down the hall we walk, the more potent it grows, wrapping around me like a warm blanket. I could fall asleep in its arms.

There are two large, white doors and one of them is cracked open. The scent bleeds from there. He's behind those doors, and I brace myself for impact. The guard pushes past, and I have the need to ditch the situation, but it's too late, I too, am inside. He sits in a chair in front of a desk, I'm assuming my Alphas desk, and he looks up, and I crumble. The door closes after the guard, and we are alone. I am alone with a stranger.

I can't move. The sight of him hurts. It's like staring at a glass of water when ones been deprived for ages. I am quickly becoming dehydrated, and my lips turn dry.

I don't want to be here with him; I don't want to be anywhere at all. There is no place for me, and under his gaze, I shrink to a pulp. This man, this Alpha, my alleged mate, makes me feel like nothing to him. He is the King, and I am a peasant.

He stands up, looking down at me, ready to stomp on the bug, ready to squish it.

He says firmly, "Be ready tomorrow morning."

What? Doesn't he have the time to reject me now? "For?" I murmur, too nervous to talk normally.

"We leave tomorrow morning. The man who brought you here will take you home and get you around eight," his voice-words confusing me-sounds like a dream. I want him to whisper in my ear how much he-wait. "You're free to go."

Only registering the word 'go,' I nod slightly and push back past the closed door. Like a drunk woman, I stumble a bit and I find the man who fetched me, the dog walker.

He begins to walk away, and I know I am supposed to follow him. I do so until we are freed from the pack house, back out in the open air. "That's alright, I-I can make it from here," I tell him.

"It's not my choice," he says, bored.

We continue to walk, and I grow further from him with each step. At some point he pauses until I have caught up a bit, then he carries on.

My head pounds, repeating his words with every pulse. We leave tomorrow morning. We leave. Morning. Leave. Tomorrow. Be ready. It's causing my stomach to rise. Around eight. Eight. You're free to go. Free to go. Free. I feel as if I'm going to throw up.

I wobble up to the door and wave back at the guard, but he's already turned away from me, on his way back to wherever he came from. With a moan of tiredness and confusion, I fall inside and close with the door behind me, needing the wood to stable myself.

Without a minute to breathe, my mother appears. "So? What happened?"

I want to yell at her. Nothing happened! It doesn't matter! But I restrain myself. "I can't talk right now. We'll talk in the morning."

I move past her, and she seems taken-back. "What? In the morning? What happened, Rae?"

"Please," I say, heading for the stairs, "not now."

In my bedroom I find peace, and I fall back onto my bed, taking in the silence.

He said we're leaving tomorrow morning at eight. Who is 'we?' 'We' better not mean us. And 'us' better not mean him and I. That wouldn't make sense. Why on earth would he need me to come with him? It is clear that he had no interest in me whatsoever, so why waste anyone's time? Must he take me to his pack to reject me? Or maybe he is going to kill me there, where everyone thinks I am safest.

I don't understand. Where are we going? I am assuming back to his pack as I said, as the gathering is over, but why? Why take me back? I will be an embarrassment to his pack.

I needed more information than that, but I didn't have the guts to ask, and I wouldn't have them now either. He sat there like a God. Who am I to question him? Only one word. For? That's all I could muster. What a weakling.

It's not like I am trying to impress him anyway. There's no point in that.

Finding it hard to breathe, I slide open a window and bring my face to the net. The air is cold in my lungs, sobering me up.

I am a blind man walking on a tightrope.