This Life Chose Me

I stood there thinking about all the things he could do to me had I been his. It was only until I heard Paul's voice that I was drawn back into the sad and depressing reality known as my life. "What extraordinary delicacy did my wife prepare for me today?", Paul asked. All the happiness I felt a second ago departed me as I heard him say those words. As unwilling as I was, I moved my eyes from the sight of Jay working out shirtless to look at this old, unattractive and apathetic man who happened to be my husband.

As I followed him to the kitchen, I asked myself, " How did I end up like this?". I dished up for both of us and we sat around the dinning table. As we were eating, Paul started talking about how the country's economy is crashing and everything involving politics. Then is hit me. My life flashed before my eyes and I started to recall how I ended up here.

It all started when I was very young. I grew up in the care of my grandfather and had never met my mom. I was told she was dead but deep inside, I had always wished for that to be a lie. Paul is a very well known and respected politician in the community where I grew up so he would often visit to campaign whenever the local elections were approaching. That is how he got to know my grandfather. My grandfather had a great interest in politics and was even a greater supporter of Paul. One day during his campaign, he decided to give out food parcels to the community and I grandfather and I were amongst the people lucky enough to receive food parcels from Paul himself. After that encounter, Paul's visit to my household became very often. I would ask my grandfather why he would come without any food parcels and all he would say to me was, "I am securing your future". Whenever Paul would visit, he would say to me " How are you my tiny wife?" and I would innocently reply " I am fine". What did I know at the time? I was 10 years old for GOD sake.

Two months after I had completed my secondary school, my grandfather sat me down and asked me what I would want to do with my life. " I want to go to school and further my education", I said. " I don't have money to take you to school but I have managed to find you a job, perhaps you can save from there and take yourself to school" he replied. I was so happy because this meant that not all hope was lost and I was even happier when l learnt that my employer would be Paul. "He is a rich man, I bet he will pay me well", I thought to myself. My grandfather assured me that I would be trained on the job so I didn't need to worry about not having any office skills.

Shortly after , Paul arrived at my house ready to pick me up. I was surprised how all this was happening. I packed my clothes and hugged my grandfather goodbye and left with Paul in excitement to open a new chapter in my life. On our way to his house, he would casually call me his wife and I would reply. It was kind of a norm now. After all, he had been calling me that since I was a kid. The rest of the drive was pretty smooth. We got to his house and I settled in without any difficulties.

During the night as I was sleeping, I felt warmth hovering over my thighs and I was shocked to see Paul laying beside me in nothing but his briefs as I turned my head. I tried to get off the bed but failed as he intensified his grip on my thighs. I tried to fight my way out by kicking his abdomen but he overpowered me and landed a punch on my face. "Do you want to deny me of what is rightfully mine", he asked angrily. "You belong to me now and I can do anything I want with you", he yelled. He stood up and opened the bottom drawer beside my bed where he took out a paper and threw it at me. "You better behave when I get back", he said as he exited the room. Upon reading the contents of the paper, I learned that my grandfather had married me off to Paul as the paper I was reading was my marriage certificate. It had both the signatures of my grandfather and Paul as well as my bride price and the terms and conditions of our marriage, that my grandfather would be jailed if I ever left him.

I broke into tears as I tried to digest what I had just read. Just then, Paul walked in. He pulled me by my ankles and laid me flat on my back. I tried pleading with him to let me go. "Please don't do this, I'm still a virgin", I cried. " I'm only seventeen" I added. All my pleading was in vain as I found myself experiencing the worst type of pain possible. With each stroke he delivered it felt like my vagina was being ripped apart. I cried throughout the whole session and he continued while his sweat dripped on me, clearly unbothered by my tears. After he was done he collapsed beside me and started snoring almost immediately. Since then he has denied me the opportunity to further my education and see my grandfather.

Deep in my thoughts, I was brought back by Jay who was calling my name. All my thinking ceased as I shifted my attention to him. "Have you seen my vests?, I can't find them anywhere" , he said. "let me go and check in the laundry room" , I said as I stood up. He followed me to the laundry room and I handed him his vests. What I did not expect him to do was to change right in front of me. As he took of the shirt he was wearing, I felt a sudden heat wave all over my body. I tried to look away but failed. Boy, did I not imagine all the possible positions we could invent together- yes i did.

"You shouldn't be looking at me like that, your husband is my father" , he said as he smirked and left. Then it hit me- I was fantasizing about my husband's son. "What has my life become", I asked myself. Only the heavens and earth knows that had he made a move on me, I would not have been able to resist. Ever since Paul was diagnosed with erectile dysfunction 3 years ago, I had been celibate, and the moment Jay moved in 6 months ago, my blood began to boil. I tried to fight it but I couldn't. He was just so pleasing to the eye, nothing like his father. He is tall with slightly dark skin and I could go on and on about his appearance but to cut the story short, he is the precise definition of "GOD, that boy is fiiiine". GOD did not shorten him in any department, especially not his D. I've seen the prints through his sweatpants several times.

One evening as Paul was working late, I went to Jay's room to call him for dinner. I knocked on his door and called his name but there was no answer so I decided to let myself in. As I walked in, I did not see him anywhere so I called out his name again but still, no answer. As I turned to leave, he walked out of his bathroom in nothing but is briefs, his tight briefs, while he had his headphones on. I could see everything. He didn't exactly have hard rock abs. He was just fit, fit in a way that u was unable to stop staring. From his jawline to his biceps to his torso to his D down to his legs. O didn't even know where to focus my gaze on. I noticed he was mouthing out words and I couldn't have cared less to listen to what he was saying. Then he stopped talking and looked at me like I always dreamt he would. He smirked and started to walk towards me . He walked past me and locked the door behind me . He then walked up behind me, put his hand on my shoulders and started kissing the side of my neck as I bent my head to give him way. He then unclasped my strapless bra from under my shirt and took it off. He tucked his hands underneath my shirt, reached for my breast and started massaging them gently. He continues for a few seconds then he stands in front of me and he looks at me, hinting that he wants more . I looked at him and said "I don't think we should". I regretted saying those words as soon as they left my mouth. The whole universe knows how badly I want this., more than anything. I've been longing for this . "Then tell me to stop", he replied. I failed to say anything, giving him the greenlight. He proceeded to kiss me and before I knew it, I found myself in a very vulnerable position, not just physically but mentally and emotionally. Had he asked me to sign my soul over to the devil, I would that done so with immediate effect, no questions asked. My legs wrapped around his waist and my back arched on his bed as he took care of me. I had been celibate for so long it felt like I had never done this before- well to be fair I had never enjoyed this before. I could tell by the way he was handling me he had advanced experience in how to take care of a woman, I mean he is five years older than me. It was perfect, all of it. From the power of his thrusts to his pace to his ....to cut the long story short, everything was perfect

I woke up the next morning completely ignorant of where I was. All the I could think of was what happened the previous night. I checked my phone and noticed that Jay had sent me a message. "You were surprisingly loud for someone who hardly raises her voice in this house", he said. I felt so embarrassed I didn't know how to respond . "How did I end up in my room" , I texted as I noticed I wasn't in his room anymore. "What?, you don't think I'm strong enough to carry you?, you have seen me lift weights, haven't you?" he texted back.

Overcome with blush, I left him on read and got off the bed to go make breakfast. I saw Jay in the passage and he walked past me like I was invisible. I frowned and turned to look at him with an expression of confusion on my face. " What on earth?", I asked myself. I made my way to the kitchen and started making breakfast. Shortly after, Jay walked in and greeted me normally as if he did not just take me to cumtown the previous night. I looked at him puzzled and said, "wait, wait, wait, am I missing something here?". "What are u talking about?" , he asked. "What am I talking about?...what do you mean what am I talking about?", I replied. "I don't really see..." he was still saying when I interrupted him by yelling, "I'm talking about last night!" ."Oh, that, I don't see what the problem is"... " you have always wanted me to do that right?", he said as he sipped his coffee and walked out. After that morning I tried to avoid him as much as I could. I wouldn't go to any part of the house where he was and I left all his texts on read. I was thought he was going to get the message but boy was I wrong. This guy can't take a hint. He came to my room and asked me what he did that made me avoid him. I stayed mute. He went on to explain to me how we could never be a thing because well, as we all know, I am basically his stepmother. He proceeded to pull me closer to himself and said, " that doesn't mean we have to stop." I could relate to how Kiana Ledé felt when she wrote the song "wicked games" as I gave in despite knowing how wrong it was. After that encounter, our "meetings" became a regular thing. He would avail himself to me whenever I needed him as I would whenever he needed me. Sometimes it was scheduled and other time I would find myself being guided by his hands on my hips to match his preferred pace as we listened to "under the influence" by Chris Brown, in his car. This continued for months and I was happy. I felt no guilt whatsoever for cheating on Paul with his own son. The heavens and the earth knows I have never considered Paul as my husband. The sex was not the only reason why I was happy with Jay. It was also the little things like his interests in my interests, asking me for my opinions about certain things and encouraging me not to give up on my dreams. With him, I felt heard, like I mattered. These are the things he did that made me fall for him harder and harder. The sex was just like the cherry on top. Neither one of us said the three syllable word each other but I desperately wished it was so and was just a matter of time until he says it. This evening I checked his Instagram and my chest feels sore. " Forever in this life and the next". This is how he captioned a post of a woman with a ring on her finger. I felt so stupid for feeling devastated. I mean I knew he had woman but I guess I was too naive to acknowledge that fact. Then I had an epiphany. "what am I doing with my life?"... "I was tricked into a marriage I did not want, the man I love is engaged to someone else and I have no career".

Now I sit on the floor beside my bed with a cup full of bleach in my hand. Should I do it?