The story of my life. My Past.

"Fine, let's meet up at..."

Mr Johnson suddenly pushed the door open and looked at me with anger and I instantly couldn't hear what Toyin was saying again. He marched forward and my heartbeat was unusual. He swung his fist in my face, making me fall on the bed as the cell phone fell off my hand. I felt my cheek burst and I felt the taste of blood. I pulshed myself up and held my face, looking up at his terrifying monstrous face. He was pissed off and I knew what caused it. Mr Johnson grabbed me by my collar shirt and punched me, again and again, and again. Punching out the wrath and hatred he had for me in my face. I felt the excruciating pain going deeply and I quickly found a way to grab the phone.

"I'm going to call you back..." I whispered weakly to shut Toyin up from calling out my name. I clicked the red button and my Mr Johnson snatched and smashed on the floor. I gasped, and couldn't believe what he did. I looked at my Mum who was screaming in shock and saw her eyes widen as she placed her hand on the mouth. How was she going to get another one when she barely... She was broke and trying her hardest for my siblings and me to have food in our stomachs.

Mr Johnson stepped on the phone and trod it against the floor. He looked over at me and pulled me up by my neck till I couldn't feel my feet on the floor. I looked into his black eyes and I knew they care less if I die now. My eyes began closing and I heard my Mum crying and begging Mr Johnson to stop. Her weeping and pleading voice on behalf of me was penetrating my soul, my heart ached for her that I didn't know when tears were streaming down my face. Was this how I was going to die? Should I have listened to Toyin when she had told me to report him to the cops? How was Mum going to live when I die? What was going to become of my siblings?

God, please, no! I still want to put a smile on their faces and make them happy. Fully comfortable. I want to take care of them, I thought, my eyes closing as I fought to keep them open. I wasn't going to die like that.

Different thoughts were going through my head, driving me mad and urging me not to close my eyes. Not to give up. Mr Johnson's eyes met my squinting ones. "You don't mess with my wife!" he bellowed and I nodded my head. I felt a terrible headache that made me feel my head was going to explode any time from now. He kicked my stomach with his knees and I brought forth blood.

"Dad?" I heard Busola call.

"Take your sister to her room now!" Mum yelled at Bayo. I saw her with the corner of my eyes as she pushed them away till they left. My Mum grabbed my wrist and tried pulling me down from Mr Johnson's grip on my neck, but it was only adding to the pain I was feeling. I gasped weakly and hurriedly my mum decided to pry his hand off my neck. Her crying was non-stop.

"Ola, let go of her," Loveline ordered and instantly he dropped me, not carefully to feel my feet but got me to stumble and bang my head on the edge of the drawer next to my bed. The agonizing pain shot through my head and I couldn't scream but whimper. I lay on my back and held my head, breathing with my mouth opened.

My Mum quickly braced me in her arms as she knelt beside me, weeping. "You are a monster! I..."

Mr Johnson gave my Mum a backhanded slap and she yelped. "Shut up!"

"Hey, it's okay. Now let's go," Loveline said and pulled him to her. She pecked him, turned his face from us and finally led him out of my room. Mr Johnson wasn't drunk tonight. He was sane. He knew what he had done to me. To us. To the girl he had once loved. And to the wife that begot him two children.

I stood up with the help of my mother, touched her shoulders and looked straight into her sad eyes. Her face was weak and traces of tears were on her face. I smiled at her and promised myself I was going to give her the best life she deserved. She was worth more. She was my true mother and heroine. I touched her face and hugged her. "Thank you," I said and started crying. Grateful for her efforts in my life and siblings'.

She pulled me back and bobbed her head. I glanced down at her white shirt and saw that it was stained with my blood. "Sorry."

"No problem. What now?"

I picked up the damaged phone and removed the sim card and handed it over to her and held her hands. "This. Keep it. You know it contains some important contacts. I'll make sure I get you one. I'll try, Mum."

"You don't have to, Tosin." She shook her head. "You have done enough. Don't kill yourself. You have given me the support, attention and happiness every child is supposed to give her mother."

"No, Mum, it's not enough. I will make you happy." I went to the restroom and looked at my messed up face that I didn't know was worse than I had thought. My left eye was swollen and it looked like it was about to close. My lips became big and burst. Something spicy wasn't going into my mouth for some days to come. I turned on the tap of the basin and washed my mouth. It hurt. I wobbled my mouth with the water in and poured out light red water.

When I got back into my room, I changed my clothes to the boyfriend jeans Bisola had bought me and a yellow top. I took my white sneakers from the corner and wore them too.

"Where are you off to?"

"To Bisola's."

"It's late already."

"I can't stay here tonight or else you will meet my corpse the next day. He could murder," I said, standing up and facing her. "Make sure you sleep with the kids. Lock the door."

"Okay, but you don't have to go anywhere. We can sleep together. All of us. It's eleven already."

"Don't worry, Mum." I gave her a quick kiss on her lips. I shifted my window, turned and took a look at my Mum. I blew her a kiss and whispered to her to stay safe and stay alive before I found a way to jump down. I needed to shed away from the pain and suffering. Staying home was just going to be a reminder of it all.

The dark street was silent except for a few running cars that made me jump in fright. Twenty minutes later, I saw Bisola's house and her room was lit. I climbed the tree close to her windows when the normal thing I was supposed to do was knock on the front door but I didn't want her Mum or Dad to see me in the condition I was in. I threw some pebbles I had picked up before climbing and silently called out her name.

Bisola came over to the window in a crop top and a wrapper. She opened the window and I jumped in freaking her out. She attacked me unexpectedly and was about to punch my face when she saw that it was me. How did she learn how to do that? It was a fighter's skill. She and Toyin puzzled me sometimes.

"Tosin?" Bisola called.

"Didn't you know I was the one?"

"Of course. You don't pass the windows. Toyin does that whenever we want to sneak out to a party, but she is here."

"What happened to your face?" Toyin frowned. "You said you would call back and then you hung up. And I couldn't call you again. It was going to voicemail when Bisola tried calling.

I exhaled, went to sit and narrated it all. Every detail.

"I'm sorry you went through this. I wish I was there to break his bones, no offence," Toyin said.

"What do we do now? Report him?"

I shook my head. I didn't want him jailed.

I looked at my best friends and thought of what they had told me. My life needed to change. I glanced at the wall clock and saw that it was one minute to twelve. A new year. I gotta start a new life too, not stuck with Loveline for months. I stood up, not thinking twice. "I want in. I want to join the scorpion Group."

It was early in the morning when I heard noises downstairs. It was my Mum and Dad again. They had been arguing and having some misunderstandings in the past few days. Curiously, I went downstairs to see what was happening. My eyes met my Dad's and he walked away to the compound, hopped in his car, driving off to God-knows-where. I asked my mum what happened but she didn't reply and my brother, Bayo, told me instead. And I was surprised. I walked away angrily to my room instead of crying. But, I was still shocked at what I heard so I couldn't cry, which would have weighed me down.

I took my bath to get prepared for school immediately I got to my room and slammed the door.

Thereafter, I went back to the sitting room and saw my mum crying or rather I should say, my adopted mother! She was there crying and narrating all that happened to my grandmother_adopted grandmother_who had just woken up not quite long with the look on her face. I could feel my whole body shaking as I heard the whole story. It wasn't easy to consider the people I thought were my family to my adopted family.

I walked slowly to school thinking along, and as you know how strictly you get the consequences of coming late in some Nigerian school, the teacher on duty didn't hesitate to whip my butt, giving me a contemptuous look.

My day in school was as if I wasn't in school. Teachers came and went and I didn't concentrate at all. My friends; Toyin and Bisola asked me what happened and I told them nothing, even though there was a lot behind the 'nothing' reply I gave them. During the closing hour, I picked up my siblings in their classes and on our way home, they felt sorry for me, although they weren't my blood, I still loved them because I have known them all my life. I wasn't going to abandon them just because of what I found out today. It had been a hell of a day for me especially since the 'Dad' I once considered a loving one wanted me out of his house and to live with his sister in Ibadan. One wicked aunt who would just turn someone into a slave! I didn't think I was ready to go into such a life, no way. We were okay in my family...yes my family because I still couldn't help but regard them like that. They loved me just not my Dad; or should I even call him that?

In the family I was raised in, we were the sort you could classify as the middle class until things started to turn down. Abruptly and unexpectedly. We were financially insufficient now. Life wasn't easy in Lagos and the only thing he wanted now was for me to go live with one wicked aunt Sarah. Going home from school wasn't easy today because we were trekking again, and with those pity looks my siblings were giving me, it wasn't making it better for me. Acting up as a big sister, I told them not to worry about me, that I was fine. Though, deep down I was boiling inside me!

On getting home, we saw Dad drinking. He was drunk!

"How could he do this to us? Why is he committing a burden to our hearts? I thought he loved us. Loved me!" I said in pain and ran to my room crying. Jesus! I loved this family. This small once happy family. Bayo and Bisola, my siblings, came to my room to console me without my expectation. They were the best siblings I could ever wish for. But their consolation didn't stop me from crying. How did this whole thing start?

Later at night, assignments were done and dinner was next. We sat at the dining table even though I couldn't forget for a fact that I was adopted. For good seventeen years, I didn't know, until today. So tell me, how did you expect me to eat dinner? I was treated as their biological daughter. First daughter. Never gave me the hint I was adopted. And now that I found out today, I was wanted out because things were hard. And according to my adopted father, Mr Johnson, my leaving the house was just to reduce the amount of money or food or any other expenses circulated in the house. Mrs Johnson, my adopted mother, was a full housewife who only went out to see a few friends alone and my adopted grandmother was getting old who had to be in her son's house. I was the illegitimate one here. I was wanted out by Mr Johnson who I thought was my biological father, who I thought loved me. Every other person wanted me, but not Mr Johnson. He was the only one feeding our mouths and keeping us under the roof.

I wasn't bold but timid. That explained why I would not think of asking Mr Johnson questions like I used to freely do because he had changed. I just wanted to be strong and fearless. Not to be bullied or taken advantage of and to top it all, I was adopted and wanted out again! That was so heartbreaking! I was adopted! I was adopted! I was adopted! Those words didn't seem to die down as they continued to ring in my head. The fact was, I couldn't seem to help myself either 'cause I was adopted!

_________

After two days, my friend came to my house to see me. That was on Saturday. They asked me what happened to me in school on Thursday and I said nothing. They persuaded me to tell them and I did. There was no need to keep it from them. No lies. It might end up affecting me the most. What if I was seen roaming recklessly on the streets after being kicked out from under this roof? So embarrassing. So, the truth was that I split out. I told them about my being adopted and how my adopted father was doing something against my will. Yeah, my will was to stay here and have a family too, not be rejected. Again. Only God knows why I was dumped in the orphanage home_but it was still home. Some people cared for you and treated you well. I didn't remember my stay in the orphanage house so, I guessed I was a baby when I was in the orphanage home and was a baby when I got adopted.

After hearing the part about my dad only, my friends laughed and laughed like I just cracked them a joke! I was flabbergasted. I told them it wasn't funny, but they continued to laugh.

"What are the things he is doing against your will?" Toyin asked me.

I rolled my eyes and repeated myself to her. "One, he wants me out of his house to his elder sister's house in Ibadan. Two, he's changed a lot. Three, picking up a fight with my mother."

Bisola laughed_and I wished I could smack the life out of her_before talking, "Tosin," she called my name, "let me tell you, if you don't want to go to Ibadan to that wicked aunt of yours, I don't think you should go. I don't want you treated like a slave. I want the best for you."

Like she cares? I thought.

Yeah, they were my friends, badass ones. We joked, played, but we were never the serious type. I was on and off in my studies and by that, I meant I got serious when I wanted to. I knew about them and moved with them. I hid things from them and they did likewise too. Sometimes, we pretended to each other like we knew nothing even though the truth was spread in front of our naked eyes. We weren't helping each other's lives.

"Moreover, you are a big girl, you can do anything you like. You are in your high school final year. Remind them of the coming exams. That will even stop him from sending you off to another state. Tell him you don't want to go. Tell him boldly." Toyin said, and I just hummed, staring at her. My surprise knew no boundaries when they told me to join their group named Scorpion Group. I was so terrified. I knew this and didn't see this coming. I knew they were in some weird group but I did not see that they were going to invite me to join. I got inconvenient and I politely asked them to leave but they refused, then I cooked up an excuse before they could walk out of my room. So much for having friends.

Unknowingly to me, my adopted siblings heard our conversation and came to my room warning me not to attempt to join. With a smile, I assured them I wouldn't and hugged them.

In the afternoon, Bayo, Busola and I went to the sitting room to talk to Mr Johnson, my adopted father. That was what I had been referring him to since the day I realised he no longer wanted me. It was hard, but still calling someone who didn't want me my father was absurd. So now, he went by Mr Johnson to me. I wanted peace in this house and I badly wanted to reconcile with him. Maybe things would go back to how it was. But I knew I was taking a risk.

Mr Johnson had changed from the loving father he was to a pathetic abuser. Sometimes I had to empathise with him whenever he was sorrowful and looking dishevelled and other times, I felt like strangling him to death whenever he touched my adopted mother.

He stood there leaning against the wall and staring into space. His white shirt, unbuttoned, his hair, rough and...and... Unshaved. He had a bottle of tequila with him.

God, I bet he is drunk! I thought.

I took a step further to meet him as Busola tugged my cloth, whispering, "This is a wrong idea, please. Maybe another time. But not at this moment."

I looked at my eleven-year-old sister and sensed she was scared. Scared for every one of us.

"It's okay. My dad might hear us. It's now or never. It's your decision, Tosin. Do what you think is best for you." Bayo said.

With a sigh, I replied, "He's probably pensive not to hear us. Let me just do this. It might soften his heart." I smiled at them as I ruffled Busola's hair. This was too much for just an eleven-year-old girl. She was supposed to be happy and not be troubled with whatever was going on in this house.

I stepped forward and my heart started beating abnormally. For fear. Unknown fear.

"Dad?" I called before I realised I crossed my boundary by calling him 'Dad'. I bit the inside of my cheek and called out again. "Mr Johnson?"

He didn't hear me. He was no doubt pensive. I fearfully took another step to Mr Johnson and was greeted with the smell of cigarettes.

Oh really, he smokes now?

"Mr Johnson? Can I please have a word with you?"

Mr Johnson didn't move. He stood there like a statue. His mind was working but his body was still.

Hardly, I swallowed the lump in my throat due to the fear as beads of sweat started to form on my forehead.

I'm such a chicken! I thought. I was chickening out already!

I coughed loudly to announce my presence and he turned to face me with his bloodshot eyes!

I'm screwed! I just disturbed a lunatic that wouldn't wait for a second to rip my head off my neck.

"What is it you want?" he asked, his voice unfriendly.

"I want to talk with you," I said as I exhaled heavily. I didn't realise I had held my breath since my eyes met his bloodshot eyes. "I understand you don't want me here, because I'm a burden. You are a wonderful person. We all know something is wrong with you and it's all because of the insufficient money in this family. I know how happy you were before it was closed down. You loved your job. I know it. It energised you and gave you happiness. But we are your family. Family," I said, emphasizing the last word. I decided to give him a pep talk maybe it could change him. Perhaps he needed someone to have faith in him that things would turn out fine. "We believe in you. You are a loving father and I know that deep inside you, you care. And I care about you no matter what! But drinking and drowning in your problem would only add to your sorrow, Dad," I said and immediately felt a hard slap across my face before I was savagely shoved to the wall.

Well, then, I guessed I had spoken too much. Maybe I wasn't supposed to advise him. Maybe I wasn't supposed to care. I should have been in my room. Locked up with my Bayo and Busola. I felt my head suddenly heavy and saw a staggering figure coming my way with his fist clenched. He was drunk!

He pounded on me, giving me hard blows on my body, not sparing me at all. How this happened, I didn't know. Some minutes ago, I was standing and showing how much I cared and the next, I was on the floor. "Who the hell are you, huh? You don't know what it feels like... Like..." Blows continued to land on my face as he said each word. "You think I am useless, huh Tosin?" A hard punch met my nose and I could feel the blood coming out of my nostrils. He was taking it out on me. I only wanted his way of reasoning to change. To view himself as a useful person but he got the wrong idea.

"You know what Tosin, it's your decision to go to Ibadan to stay with my sister or stay here and get a hell of a beating when you cross your boundary with me!"

He was about to punch me again when Bayo spoke and with him now, was a knife. His hand was trembling. He was scared to death. He must have rushed to the kitchen to get that. "You touch her again, and I promise to stab you with this knife. Just leave her alone already! You've had enough! She only cares about you, she misses you and so do we. Just leave her alone!!"

Mr Johnson chuckled and shook his head. "Is it this timid Tosin that's telling you two to be courageous and have the guts to talk back at me?" He glared and walked toward them.

"N... no...not her, Dad," Busola said, shrieking and moving backwards till her back touched the wall.

"She is the one, right?" he asked again, taking slower steps to meet Busola, who was already looking back at the wall she was leaning against as if begging it to grow a mouth and conceal her in it. Just temporarily.

She shook her head vigorously, saying, "Not Tosin, Dad, not Tosin." She slid down to the floor and used her arms as a shield to cover her head from getting hit. "Don't hit me, Dad, please," Busola said, continuously begging as she sobbed which refrained him from laying his fingers on her. He then moved to Bayo unexpectedly and slapped him across his face. "You don't talk to your father anyhow! Have some respect!" he bellowed. That was so fast that I knew if Bayo had seen that coming, he would have escaped the slap.

He came back to me, glaring at me with his bloodshot eyes and said, "If you ever teach my children nonsense about disrespecting their father, you will see the other side of me."

Haven't I seen enough? I thought as I held my swollen lips.

Mr Johnson mischievously smiled at me, giving me one savage kick in my eyes. With pain and sadness, I began to feel the world spinning before welcoming the darkness.

_______

I slowly opened my eyes to a white painted room. The whole place was neat. So neat and bright... The instant thought that I was in Heaven literally jerked me up from lying in the bed to having my butt seated on it.

Oh my God! This can't be Heaven! I'm seriously not ready to die!

I looked around me and noticed I was getting a saline infusion. Does Heaven have hospitals? I must be crazy. I looked at my hand and removed the injection that was injected into my vein which allowed the saline to pass into my body. I removed it as gently as I could but unfortunately, blood came out immediately. Well then, I guessed I might have done it the wrong way. I saw a ball of cotton wool nearby and took some and wiped the blood away. Having done that, I went to the door and curiously opened it.

And there they were, Mrs Johnson, Busola, Bayo and granny, seated as they held each other's hand.

Were they dead too? Did my foster father beat them all to death after I blacked out? So we were all here in Heaven now?

I coughed and they looked up at me, expressionlessly. Could it be that I was the only one dead? They couldn't see me!

Wait, I was stupid. I scoffed at my foolishness, happy to realise I was alive since I could see blood coming out after I wrongly pulled out the injection accidentally from my vein.

Well, I am alive, I thought as I smiled.

Busola and Bayo came over and hugged me tightly and I returned it thinking I wouldn't trade them for anything. My adopted Mum and granny came over likewise and we hugged.

"I'm so sorry for whatever my son did to you," Mrs Biola Johnson said, sadness filling her eyes.

I smiled and bobbed my head.

Mrs Biola Johnson was in her eighties, beautiful and generous. She was a wonderful woman who didn't cross her boundaries and loved being by herself without interfering in another person's business. She was old and that was all she needed.

"It's okay, ma'am," I said, giving her a reassuring smile.

"Can we just go to the cafeteria to eat and talk?" Busola suggested and her stomach grumbled.

"Sure, honey."

We sat in the cafeteria eating hamburgers and soft drinks, except for my adopted Mum who took coffee alone.

"I'm sorry so so sorry, Tosin. I never should have refrained from not telling you sooner. That was selfish of me. And it was because I didn't want you to consider me as your adopted mother but as your biological one."

Confession time!

Mrs Rachel Johnson was thirty-seven years of age. Beautiful, loving, selfless and above all, strong.

"I adopted you when I was twenty-five years old. We were happily married. We waited for a year to have a child intentionally. We weren't rushing things. So when I turned twenty-six and still wasn't pregnant I became worried, by then I was ready. It was in my worried state that my sister-in-law, your aunt Sarah suggested I adopt. She told me to pick you."

I moved my head backwards and furrowed my eyebrows. I was shocked. "Why did she suggest you pick me...?"

"Tosin, let me finish. She didn't suggest, she insisted. She went to the orphanage with her friend who went to adopt. She said you were sad and hungry for love. She said she saw it in your eyes. And then, your Dad and I went to the orphanage and selected you. Did the necessary things to do before you were handed to us. But prior to that day, I saw your picture on her phone which made me identify you easily. It was so cute.

"We treated you like you were like our own biological daughter. Three years later, I had Bayo and then Busola after two years. See, I want you to know that your Father loves you. So much. He might probably be acting weird..."

"Not probably, darling, but he is," grannie said."Oh my God! It's not my joy to see my son like that. Thinking he's so useless. And with the little he has left, he spends it on purchasing beers. I'm so worried."

"It's okay, ma'am. It's going to be fine," my adopted mother said to grannie as she held her hands.

"So what do we do about Tosin then? I mean she's not getting kicked out, right?" Busola inquired.

"Nah, she isn't. Listen, Tosin, you aren't my biological daughter, fine, I just want you to view me as your real Mother. Accept us as your family. Consider us, please. You are going to continue living with us and you aren't going to stay with my sister-in-law, okay? And your education continues. Right now, I have gotten a job as a high school teacher, so don't worry, I will work while your father wallows in his sorrow, spending his little left money on beers and perhaps women too. Who knows? Tosin, I want you to consider us as a family to you, please."

I nodded. I thought this hard and the truth was just so plain. What more could I ask for. They loved me. Yeah, they were my family. And they would always be. Mrs Rachel and Biola Johnson were no longer my adopted anything, but my family.

I smiled at them, thinking they were mine. "I love you, Mum. I love you grannie and I love you kiddos." I didn't know I was going to feel emotional that tears slipped down my face.

I got discharged three days after the incident happened and was brought home. Home? Was this a home? No. It was just a house. I had seen how it went. It was home but a house now. There were lots of crises at home.

What could I do to stop this? What could I do? I had asked myself countless times. I was just a pathetic teenager who had fear running through her body. My mind flashed back to what Bisola and Toyin told me and how my siblings warned me too. I was stuck. Maybe the group could help?

"Ready?" my mother asked as she placed her hand on the doorknob, smiling.

I plastered a fake smile on my face. Yes, I was good at it. Smiling fakely. "Yes, ready, Mum," I said, and my heart pounded.

She opened the door and we both stepped inside the living room only for me to be greeted with the bad memory of what had happened to me three days ago.

I fainted, not lasting some seconds that I got in. I guessed I wasn't ready.