The rejected Luna

Selena's heart raced as she approached the large oak doors that led to Alpha Damian's pack house.

Tonight was the night all single wolves waited for, the night of the mating ritual. An event which could result in finding a partner or result in untold suffering.

She inhaled deeply and tightened her fingers on the doorknob, trying to calm herself, yet her hands were shaking from excitement and nerves.

Squirming in her belly was the vision of what was behind the door. Damian. The deadly, unreachable Alpha who she viewed like a far-away, burning incandescent sun.

Now, for the first time in a long time, she dared to dream that maybe she belonged next to him. Sighing deeply, she steeled herself for the fight ahead, relaxing her grip on the door at last.

Gazing out into the corridor, she discovered that the curtains were drawn, to reveal the space, still and quickly filled in by dawn light.

Moonlight flooded the room, and in the back part of the halls stood a stationed Damian with his back to Selena, lit by the full moon hanging brighter than any star.

The contour of the man's body threw shadows across the room, háttérs blending into the dark marble panelled walls. He appeared sculpted and invincible, the rigid outline possessing an allure of perilous tranquillity.

"Alpha," was all she managed to say, her voice almost a whisper.

He pivoted away from the window, and his steely grey eyes met hers. In his expression, there was nothing but chill.

No gaze softened her heart or reached out to embrace her.

Kindred bristled. It was a ghostly feeling.

"Get over here," he ordered, his tone more commanding than inviting.

Selena advanced toward him, chin high regardless of the threatening fear within.

She had played this scene enough in her head. How she will confidently move towards him and expect a small warmth radiating from him.

But the look on his face was nothing more than indifference. He was looking at her as though she was a stranger standing two feet away.

When she finally managed to orient herself in front of him, their eyes met, and she thought he would see something worth looking at.

He, however, continued to stare at her unchanged looking as if she was boring him with the same tension and uneventful expression that he wore earlier, the only change being the position of his jaw which spread into a slight menacing smirk that sent her heart racing, only it was not in the way that she wanted it to be.

He reached forward as well, his index sliding down her jawline and on the skin of her cheek, burning hot as it slid.

"You want to be mine, am I right?" he murmured, the tone soft yet accompanied by a more tantalising one.

The Response was 'understood' but two heartbeats after another starved herself. "Yes, Alpha," she said slowly as she tried to catch her breath.

Damian's aggressive caress was almost harsh, but there was no care, no warmth in it, none of the intimacy that she craved.

He desired her, sure but not in the manner she fantasized about. Still, she allowed herself to dream.

After this night, perhaps things will be different. She thought to herself.

But as they pulled apart, a flicker of disinterest in his eyes was too striking to be missed. It was like watching the friendly flames slowly being put off. This caused his face to lose all warmth, and he turned away from her, leaving her unshielded.

Damian's voice broke the stillness. It was flat. With no feelings attached, he stated, "I do not know what you expect." fastening his shirt as if this was just a regular conversation. "However, I can guarantee that it is not going to happen."

With a void of shots suspension, her heart stopped at every sting of his speech. "W-What do you mean?"

He looked back at her, pity as well as something worse looking back at her. Contempt. "You thought I would go for you?" he inquired, his voice barely containing shock. "You are... passable, I guess. Good looking." He looked her up and down like she was nothing special at all. "But that is it."

Selena experienced the nauseating sensation of a world catastrophically unbalanced. It was as though the ground beneath her had imploded, hanging her in the cruel recesses of his empty reproach. She hugged herself to shield herself from the hurt, but his words fell on her like ice sharp, cold and continuous.

"I don't see the need for someone like you in my life," he drawled, still looking out of the window. "There is no way I would allow you to stand next to me, and even consider you as a mate."

Screaming was all that was on her mind. How could he make her have hope? Make her wish for something beyond what she deserves.

She stood there instead; frozen and fighting to hold on to whatever bit of dignity she felt she had left. "Why did you... if you didn't care... why?"

Damian laughed, the sound low and devoid of any real humour. "Why did I sleep with you?" He shrugged as if the question was unnecessary; that the answer was self-evident.

"You were here. You were ready and easy. That's all there was." He stopped and looked at her, his eyes sweeping over her like she was something dirty. "That is all there was. This is not some make-believe tale, Selena, so do not turn it into one."

She took a deep and slightly trembling breath and made herself appear taller. "I hate that you think this way," she said, voice even despite the stinging tears threatening to spill from her eyes.

She turned to leave.

But before she could even turn, a voice that belonged to Damian cut through the air, seeming to slice it.

"Good. That is exactly what I want," he said with the icy tone he had never used before. "Don't expect anything from me, Selena. You were... an error."

Selena tried not to cry. She took a deep breath and looked back at him once again, staring into the chilliness, the expression that would follow her for long after the night ambushed her.

When Selena got to the door, she stopped, one hand searching for the knob. 'You will never be fit to stand by me' sang like a broken record haunting the stillness of the air.

Selena's throat felt like it was closing in, and her head was spinning in disbelief.

This was the moment she had been imagining. But he had gut-wrenched her, ruined her without effort as if it was not a sensitive issue.

Fighting back tears, Selena walked out of his room, her heart broken yet her pride unspoiled.

The wind howled and it was ambiguous whether around her or through her, carrying along the chase's final words as a malicious oath: "You'll never be worthy of standing by my side."

Selena was resting against the basin of the bathroom, holding it firmly as the onslaught of queasiness slowly dissipated.

She even shut her eyes to stand up straight and take in a lungful of air, to put herself at ease again.

Yet, even when she regained her balance, all the other elements around her bore so much weight; it was almost like everything was coming down on her all at once. Within the stillness of her pint-sized house, her heart pounded in her chest; the noise almost reverberated in the silence.

For weeks now, she also felt off. The constant feeling of wanting to throw up, the weariness that seemed to be way deeper than her bones, the brief period of vertigo.

For that, she had no medical cure since she had simply attributed it to the tension and said it was just a side effect of what she had gone through because of all the drama with Damian.

That emotional basket case of a man, just thinking of him brings the rawest of memories back to her heart. She still could hear the wind howling in her ears from the rejection she faced that particular night when her existence came crumbling down.

That evening, her heart broke into a million little pieces.

The truth was, she did feel empty inside as if someone had cut out a section of her. His words had replayed in her mind endlessly and there was no way to stop the pain that ate away in her.

The lightheadedness resurfaced, yanking her back to reality. She fell to the side, saving herself by the wall, and finally let herself indulge the thought that this may not be purely stress after all. Perhaps there was more to it. This time, she can no longer brush it off. She wanted to find out what was going on.

Fighting tooth and nail, Selena squashed her discomfort and clutched her bag as it had been quite a while without any support.

She left nonetheless, albeit cautiously, starting towards the nearby health centre that she always wore herself out against.

She had managed to stave it off until now since she did not want to know the diagnosis. But who was she kidding? She cannot let it go on like that. It was essential for her to find out what was wrong with her.

Only a few blocks separated the clinic from her home, but it seemed an eternity for her to walk. The weight of each of her steps was bound to the nauseating anxiety that was eating her inside.

The streets appeared more deserted than usual as if the surroundings were entering a state of suspense. By the time she got to the clinic, she felt centuries older than she did just moments ago.

The receptionist welcomed her with a smile that was as perfect as a fledgling one could muster, but Selena paid little attention to it.

She became accustomed to the motion of drawing up and signing an endless series of documents, while her hands trembled as she wrote her name and other identifying details.

In her head, it was as if a film were playing, and she was out of her own body watching, so it was hard to know how it felt. You can do this. Think about it, whatever it is you have become.

Within a few minutes, a nurse stood up with a call to her name, showing her the way to a small examination room in the inner parts of the building, situated far away in the clean corridors.

Selena automatically positioned herself on the examination bed, where she sat at the edge and laced her fingers in her lap which twisted as she waited for the doctor.

With a kind smile, the doctor walked in. He began with a greeting, and then asked about her symptoms, listening patiently as she explained the nausea, the exhaustion, the feeling lightheaded.

She then, inwardly, explained to him the overload of stress, the distress, the burden that she had been carrying.

The doctor finished digesting the information with a nod. "I understand the stress related to such an event can be physically harmful," he stated. "However, for the sake of being on the safe side, I want to do some tests."

Selena continued to nod, hardly paying attention to him. Her head was already filled with a tempest of anxiety, however, she did her best to remain composed and concentrate on him. She did the tests in a fog, her mind wandering back to Damian and the future she had always wanted but could not attain.

The wait was interminable. Selena was in the examination room and felt a wave of unease but made active efforts to control her breathing. She had come to the outpatient facility expecting to be told whether she suffered from vitamin deficiency or even dehydration, but with the operation of the hands of the clock, the temperature in her sternum got higher and higher.

When the doctor finally came back, he seemed to be composed, but there was something in his eyes that made her heart skip a beat.

"Selena,' he pronounced starting with a soft tone, "the test results are out," he went on. After a short prayer, he added, "You do not have any health complications. You are expectant."

The phrase was too real to be spoken and too distant ever to have been claimed. Selena gaped at him, her jaw half opened as though to say something while the wheels turned in her mind. Pregnant? That was beyond her reach and understanding. She became dizzy with the rush of sensations.

"No... I... I cannot be." She fastened onto the examination table's edge in a bid to compose herself as the heat rose to her cheeks at the realisation that dawned on her. She was pregnant and carrying the baby for Damian.

Sympathy beamed from the doctor's eyes. "I understand that this may be hard to process," he continued. "You may take a moment and inform us when you want to speak to somebody. It's common to experience a lot of emotions due to news like this."

Pregnant.

The impact of that single word did crumble every fibre of her being. Images of her history with Damian danced in her mind, all infused with longing and sorrow.

For years, she had fantasised about getting to the point where she might have a life with him.

But she had never expected it to come to this. She felt the moisture build in her eyes and the construction of her composure be strained as she internalised the hurt which wanted to rise in her.

This wasn't how it was supposed to happen, not in a million years. She stared at the appointment slip in her hand, still incapable of moving.

On the monitor situated in front of her was a paltry yet thin, black-and-white outline of a living creature. At the picture of a being, thin and frail, little more than a blur, she felt her heart skip. It was there, of course, yet still invisible and not quite a reality as so.

Then there was the sound, a quick, persistent pulsating noise resonated within the room, breaking the stillness whilst also synchronising with the loud thunderous sound deep within her chest.

She held her breath with difficulty, watching the screen until the final tear slipped down her cheek.

The pulse she heard brought her back to desperate reality, vigorous and forceful, reminding her of the life inside of her..

Her questions unanswered, she concentrated on the little screen with its tons of images which was now her universe.

As a tear fell down her face, she managed to say, quiet and broken, "I have you now."

The statement was rather a promise in the unspoken content that settled in her body.

The darkness of the night felt as if it had physically attached itself to Selena as she hastily tried shoving all her items into a single worn-out suitcase.

Mooncrest was dark, the pack's den most quiet, as if the earth itself was deep in slumber.

But at this very moment, inside Selena, she was rather sure that this was the last place she would find peace in sleep. Not after everything that had happened.

For a moment, she hung her head, so that her fingers could range over the frayed corners of the suitcase and allowed it to wash over her.

The pain, the backstabbing, the words Damian had given her with his utterly distant gaze, resolutely wiped away any ties they had in just one phrase. 'You don't belong here. You will never be my Luna, you will never be good enough for me,' he told her.

The memory of that rejection weighed heavily on her above all else, yet still, another feeling plagued her breast, a feeling that was a secret even to herself, in respect that she had not even had time to think over.

Her hand slipped to the slim outline of her belly which was as yet barely perceivable but already so dear. Her baby. His baby. Protective yet scared beyond proportion. How could she possibly handle this by herself?

The wind outside tried to whistle into her ears, asking her to be quick. It was hard to tell who might wake up or when and who would be bothered about her absence or track her down.

Not that anyone would, she thought with bitterness. There was no mistaking that Damian's rejection sought to emphasise that she was nothing but a pack member to him. If she were to vanish, who would give a damn?

But, as she pulled up the zipper of her bag, Selena was aware that she had to be strong because there was also a life dependent on her inside her.

With a final look around, she sneaked outside of her small cave. This was everything. This was everyone she had ever known since she was little. Mooncrest had been her universe, her kin, her haven. At this point, however, it seemed rather strange. An outlandish concept; a semblance of a living existence that was hers once but no longer is.

Before she seemed to unfold the way out of the territory, long and terrible. Every shadow seemed to be following, every rustling leaf felt like an order from the pack, telling her to turn back. She tried to ignore the images, breathed out slowly, in and out, and took the first step, and then the next.

Her hand remained on her abdomen as if hoping that there was some solace in the gesture for herself or the child she grew within.

The woods were very thick and empty, the only disturbing cacophony being the sparse hoots of owls or something furry scampering at the bushes. Selena found herself in a rush, the crisp air of the night refreshing but slightly frosty on the skin. There was not enough warm clothing on her; a light jersey provided did not amuse. But she would be fine. She had no choice.

With the sun threatening to rise and painting the forest a light shade of pink, Selena stopped for a moment to respite.

She moved her back to a tree, getting some support as her hand found its way to her tummy, where she felt an agonising sensation that coursed through her. A gasp found its way out as she held onto her waist with dread filling her. What was happening? Was the baby alright?

The quiet expanse of the wilderness was cut short by her voice as she said almost to herself, "I will make it...on my own... somehow."

Still, the determination in her tone rendered useless the armoured sense beneath, because there still lurked an element of fear.

Kneeling on the rough ground with her back against the tree trunk, she shut her eyes. It wasn't supposed to be like this.

She had imagined so much more, a family, a mate who cared for her, somebody to relish the joys and the fears with her when she first felt her baby kick. But instead, she wasn't home, with the much-needed structure and security. She was out in the woods, grappling with the abyss of uncertainty.

The day broke gradually in the tree-filled intersection as the skies appeared bright and yellowish-orange.

At the moment, at least, she thought she would rise from her seated position and head on with her travel, and a sound coming from behind her caused her to stop.

She released a long breath. Still, she could sense that someone or something was on her or about to arrive.

Her wolf self was alert and braced for any possible threats. Every instinct told her to run away from the place and find a safer place but she could not because she had to remain in place. It was a painful contest between the few rational thoughts and the feminist in her that screamed to survive.

She stood ready to go on, but another bout of anguish enveloped her, one that was more severe than before.

She swayed, a hand reaching for a nearby tree for balance as her surroundings began to swirl. Breaths came out of her in bursts, and she bent forward, her free hand grasping her abdomen, as her mind feared the worst.

"Please don't tell me this is happening," she said, barely audible as her voice cracked. "Not now..."

The ache subsided but left a weakness and dizziness behind. She remade her sitting position but also tried to calm herself by deepening her inhalation.

Just then, when impenetrable despair began to crush her, she heard someone walking towards her.

Her heart stopped, and the girl looked up straight away, preparing to run. But there was no pack member or a threat; it was a maternal woman with calm and warm-looking eyes.

"Is everything alright, little one?" this woman asked, her tone soothing the frayed edges of Selena's frayed nerves.

The girl was indecisive about how to handle the situation. Fortunately, the woman's expression was neither scary nor hostile – it was simply worried.

"I... I am good," she said, confining herself to the weak response even when she was already aware that it was not true.

The woman squatted down next to her and, with her flint eye, entertained a few thoughts about her. "You are not fine," she said in a soft voice. "You are pregnant and out of this wilderness alone. This isn't good."

Selena touched her abdomen with her hand, instinctively resisting the pressure on her stomach and lowering her guard. "I had to go," she said in a small voice. "There was no choice."

The woman shook her head as if she were regarding what it was that Selena failed to explain in words. "Anyway, let us go," she said and offered her hand to Selena.

"Where?" Selena asked.

"Just follow me. You look like you're in a lot of pain."

Selena followed her to what seemed to be a cottage.

The woman signalled to Selena to take a seat, then vanished into another room only to shortly emerge with a rug and a hot cup of tea. "Drink this," she instructed, as she handed the steaming cup to Selena. "It will relieve the pain."

Selena gratefully took the tea, taking her time to sip it. The heat radiated inside her, soothing her rattled emotions and the discomfort in her belly. She averted her gaze back to the older woman, a warm sensation settling in her chest.

"Thank you," she murmured. "I... I don't even know your name."

The older woman beamed, her eyes crinkling. "Just Miriam will do," she offered. "And you do not have to thank me, my dear. We all need assistance from time to time."