The Superstar's Fake Girlfriend

"The worst thing about her is that she claims to be an advocate of natural beauty."

"I mean do her actions seem like what a role model's should be?"

"Should we or shouldn't we be happy she forgot to edit the video?"

"Does she know how many girls look up to her?"

"What a catfish-."

I switch off my phone and take a deep breath, wanting to just dump it in the lake but no, asides the fact that I'd spent my life savings on buying the latest model of the almighty iPhone, I have to remember it is my workplace since I have no job. Literally no job asides social media.

In other words, I'm one of those people who make a living from social media aka ass-kissing celebrities and making videos, which most people think requires zero talent.

Why would I want to dump my phone into the lake you ask?

Well, that video I just watched was about me. Some people I don't even know had decided to do a podcast because of me, going on and on about how I was a liar and a hypocrite. They even went as far as editing my photos and placing devil horns on my head, captioning them: "HYPOCRITE BOTTOM." "INSPIRING CATFISH," and countless derogatory names.

Unsurprisingly, people were loving it, I mean the video had four million views and six thousand comments in three hours.

My most inspiring video hadn't even reached that mark!

And what video are they fuming about?

Well, courtesy of celebrating the three million followers I woke up to yesterday morning, I threw a small celebratory party for me and my cat. We were both having fun, taking cute pictures, dancing to Taylor Swift and doing other celebratory things, when I got a notification saying, 'Gigi Hadid liked your photo.' This then prompted me to down four bottles of beer only(I promise)-I called it, "double celebration"-because why the hell not? It's not everyday an amazing supermodel who is your idol, likes your post. After that I vaguely remember doing things on my phone-slightly tipsy and posting a video.

So imagine my surprise when I found out that , I Judith Jerry aka @TheplumpbottomJudith, had posted an embarrassing drunken video of myself dancing in the most skimpy underwear consisting of a red thong and bra with the most cheesy devil horns on earth, and that's not all. I liked photos of my celebrity crush, Ian Somerhalder, from three years ago which is like the biggest mistake anyone-especially an influencer-can make, but that wasn't the worst part. The worst part was that I said alot of stupid things in the video.

Things like: "I hate New York and everyone in it," " I think so many influencers are douchebags in real life," "Fuck doctors for thinking they ruled the world or something," "pigs should actually start flying since that's what everyone wants," "Millie Kennedy is just overrated," and worst of all I called out the government-like, sane me wouldn't ever do that.

It was actually a silly mistake.

That video wasn't supposed to end up online, it was for my drafts only, I had similar videos on there. The video I intended to post was one where I wore a cute baby blue dress, not calling out anyone, just hopping around doing a cute, funny dance I saw on TikTok. And the devil horns video, I intended to send to my friend as a joke.

It was supposed to be funny. But, stupid me had to mix up the videos and throw myself into the den of social media Lions.

In summary: I somehow posted an unedited video of myself talking shit about people and the government because I was stupid enough to get drunk with my phone in my hands. The last time I got drunk, I sent a video of myself and cat singing Call Me Maybe to all my contacts and had to lie to all of them that the cat made me do it( I don't think anyone believed it by the way). After that experience, I made a decision to never have my phone on me whenever I'm drinking. If it weren't for that like from Gigi Hadid, I wouldn't even have picked up my phone.

Even after I made sure to delete it two hours later-which now when I think of it wasn't fast enough-it still managed to trend and no, not because guys found it sexy or girls started to label it " body goals," but because I had the most hideous pimple on my forehead and my belly wasn't as flat as I edited my photos to look. At some point when I was reading the comments, I wondered if people had always waited for it to happen, if the millions of people that followed me were just patiently waiting for me to mess up.

The comment that stuck out for me was the one from my biggest fan(ex): @Somuchhatefortrash: So Judith Jerry has been catfishing us all these time and we fell for it, well just so you know "pregnant flat bottom" since your ass isn't as plump as you made us think it was, I'm gladly unfollowing because you're such a hypocrite. I mean, that is the most painful thing to hear from someone who always commented on your photos with words like:"slayyyy," "biggest inspiration for our generation," and "we love you queen."

I guess I should've taken her her name seriously.

I blame everything on the alcohol. As stupid as it sounds.

"I really don't think it's as bad as you think Judy," my friend, Mira says, scrolling on her phone. Obviously she is reading the comments. She told me not to read the comments!

"Have you seen Somuchhatefortrash's comment?"I ask, rubbing my forehead in frustration. Mira is obviously the kind of friend who'll try to tell you everything is alright when it's clearly not. Makes me remember the time I dyed my hair a mix of green and orange and Mira being Mira cheered me on when Grannies and even fellow dyed hair people stared at me weirdly on the streets.

Worst memory I have so far. The funny thing is, it was because of my fans I did it, they had been tagging me in a video of a girl who had dyed her hair a mix of purple and red, daring me to do the same- and because of how loyal I am to my fans, I did it.

At the end of the day, I was the one with bad hair that was used in hair-product adverts to warn people against using fake products( I think I might've used fake products by the way)but my fans got to see a different version.

At least I looked like I used Billie Eilish's hair dye for three days only. After that my hair became a mess. I had to convince myself beanies were cool because that's what I wore till I got it fixed. Funny. The things social media and content creation makes you do.

" Make that comments," Mira snorts loudly. "She's been commenting on this dude's post nonstop and what's her obsession with your butt?" She hands her phone to me and I'm greeted with a new comment: @somuchhatefortrash: why don't you tell us why you're stalking Ian Somerhalder's photos from three years?

I gasp, "how does she freaking know that?" The only way she'll know is if she's been stalking him too and paying attention to everybody who likes his photos. Unbelievable!

Yes I know I have an unhealthy crush on Ian Somerhalder that sometimes (every week) has me going through all his photos, even from six years ago, but she has no right to call me out on that. Many people in this world do that.

Mira snorts again, "she's definitely obsessed with you and Ian Somerhalder for her to know. Doesn't she know it's stupid of her to say this? What a creepy person."

"I have a problem," Mira says. "On one hand the comments are getting scary and on the other hand, your followers are skyrocketing."

She points her phone in my face and I scream, "five point three M! Are you kidding me right now?" If I'd gotten this news any other time, I'd have been happier, maybe even taken a beer to celebrate or gone shopping, but today? No, I can't be happy people are following me because I've got an embarrassing viral video.

"I can't believe this is happening to me," I say in a low voice to myself. " I can't believe I'm having my embarrassing viral video moment, I think I might just pass out."

The worst thing about this is that this whole video thing is going to affect my chances of winning at the influencer awards this year. I worked so hard to get nominated for 'favourite influencer' and I don't need anything to taint my image. What I need right now is something that makes people adore me more and not for me to be the most trending meme.

"You need to relax," Mira laughs. "Just take your mind of it and try to do something else. You'll see it'll die down after a while."

"And if it doesn't?"

"It will," she shoots me her signature believe-me smile and my body relaxes a little."I hope so," I get up and hug her really tight. Grateful for her presence in my life.

After Mira leaves my apartment, I decide to take a walk. Grabbing my headphones, huge glasses and baseball cap-for hiding-and water bottle, I head out, trying to take my mind off everything but they keep coming back no matter how much I try. Twenty minutes later, after walking past the same house for the fourth time, I get sick of it and head back to my apartment. Maybe sitting around in a robe, wearing glasses and drinking coffee like they did in the movies would help.

When I get back to my place, I take a warm bath and head to my work desk, consisting of only my laptop. Once I open my Instagram, I'm greeted with several notifications. I have about fifty DM's, tons of unfollows, comments on my old photos and of course some new followers. Wow, isn't that just great?

Picking up a snack, I brace myself before starting to go over everything, skipping the comments for the sake of my mental health. I'm scrolling through the DMs when I spot one that has me gasping. I do a double take just to be sure it's who it is.

The message was sent two hours ago.

TheofficialCoryTitle: Hi Judith. I just watched a video of yours and I must say I love your content. Would you be willing to work together for a collab video?

Oh my freaking goodness! CoryTitle just sent me a DM, asking for a video. I can't believe this. What the hell? I read the message again just to be sure and I'm still shocked. It is him, his actual verified account.

CoryTitle, the big-shot rapper and son of retired basketball player, Mitch Title, and also the most followed guy on Zeep- the leading social media platform in the country- just DMed me. I've never been more surprised about a DM than I am about this one.

The thing is, Cory and I have known each other since we were kids, and no, it's not what you think. We weren't childhood-sweethearts, not even close. We were just two people whose siblings happened to be best friends, which made us to bump into each other occasionally. My sister and his brother were the typical opposite-sex BFFs who everyone believed loved each other but were to scared to admit. I'm pretty sure they would have dated if the Titles hadn't moved out of their house and left the whole town behind. I mean, they literally left the whole neighbourhood behind, with Cory becoming a rapper and his brother going into acting, the Title name became a surname the whole of America knew. And everyone else in the neighbourhood remained-sorry to say-unprogressive, with only the thought of once having the almighty Titles as neighbours.

In summary, we had never said more than "Hi" to each other despite knowing each other for years. And I was fine with that. What I don't understand is why I've suddenly become someone he can DM when he never gave a shit about me in the past. I guess what they say is true, no one cares about you until you're famous.

I'm writing back before I know it.

TheplumpbottomJudith: Hello Cory. Kindly elaborate?

I smile and hit send. There's no use being friendly and I also don't want to sound desperate. Now that I think of it, I should've waited longer. Maybe the next day.

TheofficialCoryTitle: I have a new song coming and I'll love you to hop on the challenge with me.

Oh yeah. I'd heard it from some gossip site that he was releasing a new song but I thought it was just a rumour.

TheplumpbottomJudith: Oh sure. How do you want it?

I think I shouldn't have put it that way. Shit.

Two minutes later ...

TheofficialCoryTitle: I'll send you the song. See what you can come up with? I want something like a dance challenge or anything that can promote it.

TheplumpbottomJudith: K.

He sends the audio and I play it. The first thing I hear is, "You gotta take your meds bitch, gotta take your meds. You been acting so cranky lately coz your boyfriend banged a hoe, I could hand you a couple dollars if you spent the night with me though." After that, he goes on a long run of swears and curses and my ears cringe.

Oh yeah. This is the reason I don't listen to Cory Title's songs, but apparently, the whole world can't see that the guy has zero talent and is pretty much an asshole. Don't get me wrong, I love rap music- in fact I had my rap-crazy era just last year-, I just find his style of music to be should I say unsatisfying? Maybe it's his voice or his accent or because I knew he was such a snob to me back then.

TheplumpbottomJudith: Okay. Sounds great. I'll go over it and see what I can do.

Yes, it's a lie, but you should never tell an artiste you don't like a song they want to pay you to promote. Especially if it's going to be profitable for you. This is something every influencer should know. As long as you get your cut, then it's not your business if the song is trash. Except if the song is against all the things you believe( okay yeah, maybe I'm an asshole too. A broke asshole).

There's no way I wouldn't get a sweet pay from this. So I have to shove my feminism aside for now.

TheofficialCoryTitle: Okay. Once you show me what you can do. We'll talk about the pay.

Eww. If he puts it like that, it sounds like something else.

Wait, why haven't I thought of the possibility of him not being the one typing. It may be his manager or something. What made me think a whole Cory Title would handle his DM's himself?

TheplumpbottomJudith: I'm down. I'm getting an idea already.

I really have no idea what to do with his song but I have to sound convincing enough for him to trust me. There's no song that cannot be promoted as long as you do it right.

He doesn't even take a minute to reply.

TheofficialCoryTitle: Look, I think it'll be better if we meet in person and shoot the video at once.

Meet in person? Does he still meet with old friends? I thought he was too famous.

TheplumpbottomJudith: okay. Cafe, restaurant? Where do we meet?

TheofficialCoryTitle: Let's meet at my place. I've been avoiding going out for a while. Sorry if this is inconvenient.

TheplumpbottomJudith: what's the issue?

TheofficialCoryTitle: I have to avoid paps at all costs. Haven't been going out that much and don't think it's a good idea to meet at a public place.

Oh, problem with the papparazi.

TheplumpbottomJudith: oh, okay.

TheofficialCoryTitle: so you understand right?

TheplumpbottomJudith: Yeah I get it. They can be very annoying.

I wait for him to send the address to his place, but he doesn't. Even after ten minutes. Wait, his place?

TheplumpbottomJudith: Your place? Like your apartment or something?

His reply comes two minutes later.

TheofficialCoryTitle: I'm staying at our family house. You still remember the address right?

It's definitely not his manager. This is him, I've been talking to him all along. I feel involuntary shivers down my spine that causes me to rub my arms. Why? I honestly don't know.

TheplumpbottomJudith: Sorry I can't remember.

I still know the address, I couldn't possibly forget when me and my sister used to visit the place. But I can't make him feel important enough for me to have the address of their family house stored in my brain. If he thinks I must've moved on to the point I can't remember the house, then I have to act like I have.

He sends the address and I decide to give some space. Like I said, I don't want him to think I'm just sitting idly waiting for his reply. I finish all the snacks on the table before looking back at the screen. He'd sent three messages.

TheofficialCoryTitle: you've seen the address right?

TheofficialCoryTitle: do you feel comfortable with it?

TheofficialCoryTitle: I mean, if you don't we can shoot at another place.

Yes, if I wasn't an influencer and already used to shooting content in people's houses or hotels then maybe I'd feel uncomfortable to meet at his house, but it's my job and I don't care where we meet.

TheplumpbottomJudith: why wouldn't I be?

TheplumpbottomJudith: when do you want to shoot?

He replies with four messages.

TheofficialCoryTitle: thought you might be.

TheofficialCoryTitle: Saturday next week would be cool.

TheofficialCoryTitle: Is that okay with you?

TheofficialCoryTitle: by the way, how're you?

Oh, now he wants to be friendly.

TheplumpbottomJudith: I'm doing great thank you.

A minute later, my phone chimes.

TheofficialCoryTitle: that's good to know.

TheplumpbottomJudith: yeah. So when can we talk about the pay?

We might as well just get down to business instead of initiating useless small talk.

TheofficialCoryTitle: that's nothing to worry about. My manager says he'll pay two thousand for three videos.

TheplumpbottomJudith: two thousand is smaller than I usually charge, you know?

Another lie. I've never even charged up to that amount in my lifetime. This is a big deal I can't miss.

TheofficialCoryTitle: I'll talk to him about it. You guys would settle the price together instead.

Holy shit, I'm going to possibly get over two thousand dollars just for three videos. This is sick.

He doesn't text back anything for three whole minutes, so I go back to the internet where everyone is giving their two cents on my video and how much of a faker I am. I'm almost drowned in the sea of social media hate, when my phone chimes with a message.

TheofficialCoryTitle: So are we okay? Are you in for Saturday?

A minute later, he adds.

TheofficialCoryTitle: How's your sis?

TheplumpbottomJudith: Yeah. Saturday is fine. See you then.

Shutting my laptop, I clean the table and drag myself to bed, feeling satisfied with ignoring his question about my sister. He had never cared before so what does he think changed?

He expects me to forget his horrible behaviour in the past just because he's now famous? Hell no. We still have a lot to talk about, but I'll do all the questioning once we meet on Sunday.

For now, I just have to think of the best dance challenge I can come up with for his song, while also figuring out a way to get people from talking about that Goddamned video before it ruins .my life.

Cory Title is not a good guy. Yes, he is the most followed guy on Zeep-the leading social media platform in the country-. Yes, he does charity work and claims to donate half his earnings to orphanages every year. Yes, he has received the award for 'humanitarian of the year,' three times in a row, and yes he claims to be an 'environmentalist,' but to me he isn't a good guy.

Never would be. It's all just bullshit.

The Cory I knew back when we were younger was a jerk. A big jerk. The type who had too much ego for his own good, the kind of guy who made jokes about other people to feel better about himself, the type who brought others down to be on top. He was just not my type of guy and don't get me wrong, he's not my archenemy or nemesis (because that always ends with falling in love), I just never liked the guy. He made it easier though, by acting like I never existed.

I remember when my sister and I would visit his house on Sundays and he'll try everything in his power to avoid me. From looking away when I asked him questions, pretending he didn't hear me or just plainly ignoring me, there's nothing he didn't do. Even on special holidays like Christmas or Halloween, he'd prefer to leave the room or go out for a walk(he was always going out for a walk) solely to avoid being around me. It became glaringly obvious at some point back then that I got tired and settled with only saying Hi whenever we crossed paths.

He didn't have the right to treat me like a disease when I didn't even like him.

The man might have fooled the world with his good-guy-next-door vibes and his sexy-but-innocent dimples, but I'm the only exception. I know who he truly is. An egotistic talentless asshole who I suspect was cheating on his highschool girlfriend-I say suspect because I never really saw him in the act, but I'd heard from a handful of people.

Anyways, I'd long forgotten about the asshole until he went and became famous. The type of famous you could not just ignore, especially given my line of business. I had to be updated on anything trending and when Cory Title started to become the most trending thing, I just had to notice.

To me I think there had always been signs Cory Title was destined for fame but I can bet no one ever expected it'll really happen. Number one, he had an arrogant notice-me personality (at least in my opinion). He wanted to be at the centre of everything. The group leader, the class clown, the cool guy, the handsome guy, prom king, name it all-he took them all. Number two, he dressed more expressively than other teenagers his age-I'm talking bandanas, rings, baggy jeans- and he was even the first guy to get a piercing at school. Three, his father was a former celebrity kind of which automatically granted him the cliche 'most popular guy in school' title. Four, he had an attractive face which often granted him unmerited favours like getting out of detention, changing his lab-partners, and skipping sports because he didn't feel like it. And lastly, he made the statement "when I get famous" a lot in the past. All the times I got to sit with him and his brother-courtesy, my sister-at their table during lunch- I'd hear him say it. Even when we were asked on career day about what we would like to become, he'd said "celebrity," while other kids were saying Lawyer, doctor and engineer. The teachers had all laughed it off and called him funny, but little did they no.

Now that I think of it I think he always knew. The celebrity lifestyle he was living in highschool was just a warm-up to the real one. The only place were the Titles weren't treated like gods was the neighbourhood.

I remember times when people in the neighbourhood would make complaints to the police about him blasting loud music from his room and the mum's would come over to our house to spread gossip about his parents and their YOLO-lifestyle. About three neighbourhood meetings were held just to discuss how to push them into moving out, because that were too chaotic. It was like they could never do any good in everyone's eyes.

It wasn't hard to tell that the other neighbours except my family hated the Titles and thought they were strange. To them they felt the parents were too carefree and 'childish,' the first son was a shy but sexually active boy that changed girlfriends like he changed underwear and the second was a hip-hop-obsessed arrogant boy-which wasn't a good family description. With the number of times complaints were issued against them, I'm sure the police had gotten tired at some point.

His family believed in the whole you-only-live-once-so-you-have-to-party-as-much-as-you-can thing. You know, the kind of life where the kids could do whatever they want, party as much as they want, bring home whoever they please, and the mum and dad could make out on the couch while the kids watched TV(this actually happened).

They were like the coolest family on earth. A big contrast to mine. His father, a retired basketball player, and his mother, a DJ-were always updated on everything 'entertainment' whereas my parents didn't even know who Cardi B was. P.S: they still are confused to date. I would never understand how the exciting Titles and the boring Jerry's established their inseparable bond at that time. Our families were opposites in every sense of the word.

The coolest thing my dad and mum had ever done was let me go to a party with my sister(which they made reference to whenever I complained about their uncoolness) while on the other hand, Mitch Title used to host sick parties at his cabin whenever his former team wins a game, and his wife would DJ the party. Trust me, she did everything Gen Z DJ's do-I mean jumping on a table, moonwalking, screaming things like " Turn it up," "let's fuck this party up" and "We going to the top"(okay now that think of it, that was cringey)-, her DJ name was even DJ WOKE. DJ WOKE!

If only they knew they were destined to become the superstar family they are today, they would've treated them better.

"Hey, have you heard the new song?" Tate calls from my room while I flush the toilet. When I enter the room, she's lying on my bed with her eyes glued to her phone screen.

"What song?" I know what she's talking about but I prefer to feign ignorance for some reason.

She plays the snippet of Cory's new song which he posted two hours ago. It's a forty seconds video of him in a doctor's costume, dragging a mannequin around an empty hospital in the middle of nowhere. Yeah. I'll never understand who comes up with his music video concepts.

"I think this guy is losing the touch," she says, grimacing. "There's no way this is gonna be a hit."

I laugh because this is what I've always wanted to hear. "What happened to Title FC for life? Cory has no bad songs, bla bla, bla,"I tease her.

Tate Jerry is the biggest fan of the Titles, despite all the controversial rumours that surround Cory and the family most times. Asides the fact that Justice Title was once her best friend, I can tell she genuinely loves Cory's music. I'll always commend her for her maturity though, it's not easy being a fan of your ex best friend who ditched you for Hollywood and his brother who was never really nice to you. I don't know how she manages that.

"Yeah Title FC for life," she makes the stupid FC sign which a random thirteen year old created that stuck with everyone for some reason-it's just using your two pointer fingers to make a T, nothing special. "But I have to tell the truth this time. The song doesn't sound like a banger."

"Exactly what I thought when he sent it to me." Immediately I say it, I regret it. Now I have to cover my ears.

She screams,"Shut the fuck up!" bouncing off the bed. "Did you and Cory talk? You mean you heard this song before these millions of people?"

It's not really something to be proud of but I wouldn't say that to her. "Yeah. Don't get too excited he's still the same Cory."

"The same Cory that is now on everybody's lips."

"That doesn't change the fact that he's still the guy we knew back then."

"The same Cory who is now stacking millions?"

Who cares about millions? "Yes, he's still the same guy."

"Well whatever. Haven't you seen the guy? He is so hot, it's painful, have you seen his new haircut?"

What? You've got to be kidding me. Since when did Tate start finding Cory hot? I guess I'd never cared that much about anything she said about him since he moved. Maybe that's why I didn't think about the possibility of her crushing on him. I thought it was just his music she cared about.