The Mafia Monk

This is a humorous crazy book which will make you laugh and cry a lot. Read at your own risk.

Zinnia Mae White Point of View

Why am I going through this shit again? Why?

It's not like I had done a grave sin to be lectured this way. I just didn't do what I was supposed to, that's it and now I'm being pinned by a glare that my best friend is throwing since the moment she stepped into my apartment.

"You know what; you will get killed one day if you keep up with this habit of yours." Tuyen, my best friend scowled at me once again enlightening me about the possibilities of me getting into trouble.

I want to defend myself saying that I can't help being that way, but zipped my mouth when I saw her glare at me like she would put me in fire if she has the power to.

"But – "I started to try and defend myself despite of her deadly glare.

"I think you need a good counseling." She said looking at me with a determined look.

Counseling?

For goodness sake, I'm not a screw-loose person to go for a counseling session for something so small.

"You must be kidding me. Why would someone go to a psychiatrist for something so petty?" I gaped at her.

Dear Lord, she would definitely sign me up into a rehabilitation center without my consent, for sure. This girl is taking this too far. I need to cut this out right now.

"No not to a Psychiatrist. You would make a Psychiatrist go mad with your nonsense." She scrunched her nose and pursed her lips in to a thin line in annoyance.

"Oh come on, you are just making this big for no good reason." I shrugged away the friendly insult she gave me.

"No good reason? Are you – " She was cut off by the loud sound of the main door opening.

"Hello girls, what are you both up to?" Came chirpy voice of my only family, my cousin, Albina.

Albina's and my parents passed away in a plane crash three years ago and from then on we are each other's support and source. While I am a little hyper and impulse kind of girl, Albina is soft spoken and think-before-you-speak kind of girl. Though we are cousins, we love each other more than own siblings do.

Albina is twenty and was about to complete her university in a couple of months, whereas I'm the older one between both of us with twenty one years of life experience and a very good, most reviewed and praised kinder garden teacher. She's a bright student unlike me who just bluffed in answer sheets and always wanted to be a real estate agent since she has this weird obsession for houses.

"I was just About to Suggest Zinnia to go meet a monk for a little philosophical preaching." Tuyen, who's an Asian by nature and feature, suggested suddenly.

"WHAT? A Monk? "I shouted in exasperation with her absurd suggestion.

To a Monk for preaching?

Is she serious?

"What has she done now?" Albina sighed and took a seat beside me taking a sip from sparkling water bottle in her hand.

Nothing too serious!

"Don't you have any work at your pharmacy that you are targeting me today?" My words are ignored by Tuyen when she looked at Albina to tell her everything.

"Well, your lovely cousin here got into trouble again due to her short term impulsive excitement filled decision making skill which she cannot stand upon."Tuyen said for which Albina watched me with concern and disbelief eyes.

Uh Huh!

"Few weeks ago she signed up for into a famous wedding planning company as a part time organizer as she has a lot of free time in her hands after teaching kids. A week ago when she got the order from her superior to go to client's place and handle flower decorations, she didn't go just because she found the work boring just after working for ten days. And since she didn't go there, the decoration work which should be completed by that evening by the time of wedding is not done and the company had to go through a lot of curses because of your cousin's sudden boredom." Albina gasped in horror at what Tuyen said and I just scratched my head in awkward embarrassed smile.

What can you expect from me? One cannot do the work he doesn't find excitement in.

"Oh my freaking God! What is wrong with you, Zinnia? What if they sued you?" Albina asked still trying to believe what I did.

"Well, they did sue her but I took matters into my hands and told them that she was in an accident that same afternoon and got some fake medical reports from my uncle. This girl seriously needs some wise words to change her impulsive nature. She takes one thing or the other responsibility without a proper thinking just based on her short term excitement and leaves that unfinished once her hype dies down."Tuyen scrunched her nose in irritation and looked at me as if she is ready to kill me any time.

Ouch, she's scary!

"I –I agree that I'm a little impetuous –" I looked at Albina and Tuyen who raised their eyebrow at me in mocking "- Okay very impetuous, but how does a monk fit in here? I mean it's not like I got possessed by a spirit. It's just a small habit that I should exercise correct measure to conquer it."

I tried making sense to them about the monk issue. I mean, think how it would feel to go see a monk frequently like some 'placement spirit possessor for the welfare of the society'.

"Are you trying to enjoy your life surrounded by ice creamy men and push me into nunnery?" I scowled at image of me dedicating myself to a something permanent for a very long time. I was not worried about being a nun but my problem is that I cannot do something for a long time. My hands and legs get itchy if I have a constant scheduled life. I go crazy.

"Oh my god, No. Even just a thought about being a nun scares me to nightmares." I shook my head in despair when the images of me cleaning the churches and temples, doing monotonous services.

"Oh hey, what is wrong with being a nun? You can be close to the God and God will look over you closer. You must be happy and fortunate to serve the Almighty." Albina scowled in offence.

Uh-huh not again!

I can't control my mouth, can I? Now Albina will start preaching me about her experience with God. God bless me.

You see, Albina is a complete God devoted person. She has no particular devotion to a certain religion, according to her God is only one and he is above everyone. She completely believes in him and his miracles.

When our parents were dead, Albina was no doubt as sad as me but she kept on saying me that like how we choose good fruits from market, God also choose to take back his good people. According to her, God has planned to fill our lives with so much love and so they took away our parents because one cannot experience everything at the same time. If you want something, you need to loose something too.

That's how much she is positive. Sometimes I think she would actually choose to go being a nun in future. God keep her away from that idea.

It's not like I don't believe in God, I do. But I'm not a blind believer like Albina. I am mostly a believer of karma. What you sow, so you reap. Like how I'm reaping for my fickleness.

"Stop it both of you. Zinnia, you are no way becoming a nun. It is just like how you go to a counselor for suggestions. In this case, a philosophical and a spiritual monk hear you out and gives you the advice you need." Tuyen explained.

"But... but why a monk? It's too... unusual." I pouted.

What if people come to know about my spiritual counseling trips to Monk's heaven? They would look at me like I'm a unique person to meet monk at the age when I should meet hot ice creams.

"But I have a job to attend everyday so it is not possible to go faraway places." I tried to make an excuse but Tuyen was never a person to take a no for an answer.

"You don't need to go places to find a monk; all the famous monks have created social media accounts to help people around the world. Isn't that great?" Very great. Excellent. I scoffed in sarcasm.

"Alright you win. I will send a message to whoever this monk is. Give me his name." I sighed in defeat.

Well, I as well just try this out. What's there to loose!

"The name is, MonkRail. This is a closed group and they will accept your request only when your problem is strong enough. In my view, your problem is strong enough to trouble you and all around you. They might take a week or so to accept you friend request so don't go spamming them with messages as you have a tendency to expect things to happen in seconds." Tuyen frowned.

'Heaven know what happens to them. She has far too many mental problems for them to handle' She whispered to herself but it was audible enough for Albina to go into fits of laughter and I just put on my usual scowl.

I will prove you all that mine is not a big problem at all. Monk himself will laugh and tell me that I shouldn't have contacted him for something so small when he needed his valuable time to preach criminal and real mental psycho people.

Just you both wait. I will have the last laugh. Bwahaha!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Zinnia Point of View

'Oh, I wish I was a big old dinosaur, Oh, I wish I was a big old dinosaur, Oh, I'd roam day and night, And growl with all my might, Oh, I wish I was a big old dinosaur!'

"Grrrr" The kids recited their favorite dinosaur poem and growled at each other. These little cute monsters are only ones who have the power to make me work as a teacher from a long time.

Ah, how can kids be this cute? I want a baby of my own too.

'Get treated for your fickle disease and then think about a baby. Who knows when you get bored of your own kid and kidnaps other's kid and leave yours with them? You cannot be trusted with my babies' my cerebrum retorted scoffing at me.

This logical thinking part of my brain is not really a good friend of mine. Such a spoilsport it is.

"Miss White, Miss White" Zach, four year old little boy with sandy blond hair and cute little dimples pulled my pant to gain my attention. I looked down and smiled at the cute troublemaker of the class.

"Yes, Honey." I patted his cheek and crouched down to his level.

"I want to become a dinosaur when I am big. Did you see any dinosaur, Miss White?" He asked cupping his cheeks with his hands shyly.

Aww, I'm definitely having a kid of mine own once I get my cerebrum the treatment she needed.

"Yes I have. All of you honey bees sit on your chairs. I am going to tell you all my experience with my pet Dinosaur." I clapped

"You have a pet Dinosaur?" Lily, the shy kid of the class asked with a gasp.

"Yes. I had it long back ago when I was at your age. I named it hoity toity. He was such a spoil brat but I loved him a lot." I said adding a dreamy note to my story.

"But Miss, Uncle Freddie said that real dinosaurs died many years ago in crr – cretaceous era." Luke, the clever kid of the class questioned.

I wish my kid would never turn out to be this smart. Smart people doesn't buy my stories and I, being an obsessive bluffer, want to make myself look invincible to people. Adults wouldn't buy my innocent stories but kids are so innocent and cute that they believe everything I say.

One of the reason I love being a kinder garden teacher is to feed my bluffer side.

"Yes sweetie, but do you want to know how I had a real dinosaur pet?" I asked invoking some curiosity and all the kids nodded their head attentively. With my one year of teacher experience, I came to know that kids believe easily when we give curious baits. Anyways these stories increase creativity in kids so there's no harm in a little self praise.

"I was a dinosaur in my last birth." I whispered to them as if this was a grave secret.

All the little monsters gasped eyes widened and looked at me in amazement.

"Yes. I was a dinosaur. In my last birth, when I was coming back from school, I –" I was cut off by Luke, "Miss White, Dinosaurs go to schools?"

Uh, Luke, why don't you concentrate on story? You are too young to know scientific details. Parents these days are going overboard feeding children with unnecessary knowledge at a very young age.

"There are. We use to go to elemental schools. I was a fire elemental." I said proudly and Luke's eyes widened a little.

"Wow Miss White, You are amazing." The whole class clapped in amazement which made me so happy. This is what I'm craving for.

"Anyways, I was returning from my school after a tiring class when the sky started throwing large rocks on to the earth. It's called asteroids. All my Dino family and my Dino colleagues and friends started to die. I'm the youngest Dino female in our kind and at last while trying to protect my family from the attack, I died too." I put on a sad face and wiped fake tear from my eyes and noticed that the kids are wiping their tears too.

"I wish I was there with you, Miss White. I would've protected you. I love you so much." Zach said crying.

Oh dear, I love you all too.

I hugged him and patted his back and all of a sudden all the kids ran to me and hugged me from all the sides.

It's confirmed that I'm having loads of kids later on. I just love all these little monsters.

"Stops crying, my honey bees. Listen to the whole story first." I leaned back and looked at the kids with affection. "After my Dino body died, I was presented to God for being good. So God was very impressed by me and told me to take birth as your Miss White and tell my story to all of you kids and tell you all that he will reward you all with gifts if you all be good." I said in a soothing tone. They smiled at me and jumped in excited 'yes'.

"You are Amazing, Miss White. We love a lot" Kids yelled and I was so happy that they are happy.

As if on cue the bell rang and it's time to go home. Waving all the monsters a goodbye, I walked out of the school and found Albina waiting for me with her beaten up old BMW.

"What are you doing here?" I asked her narrowing my eyes. She never came to pick me up unless I ask her to, more like I beg her. So what happened that she came to me on her own?

"Obviously came to pick you up" I raised my eyebrow and she just shook her head on nonchalant.

"Why all of a sudden when I didn't even beg you?"

"Tuyen." Ah, that was an enough answer for me. Tuyen.

She was making sure I don't wander off somewhere and get myself into something big.

"You know, I'm not that impulsive. It's just one time thing. I rarely get myself into something big. You both don't have to worry about me. I'm smart enough to get out of mess I make. I'm twenty one, for god's sake." I scowled at her and stomped my feet. In return I only got a raise of eyebrow.

Okay shit, fine. I frequently get myself into mess but it doesn't mean my best friend and my cousin keep an eye on me like some crazy stalkers.

"Alright don't even answer me. I got my answer. Let's go. I'm hungry." I grumbled and got into the passenger seat.

After Albina made sure I'm tugged in our warm apartment, fed and refreshed, she went to her room to work on her projects.

I laid back on my bed and started playing with my mobile phone deep in thoughts.

Should I send a message to the Monk?

Or should I not?

I think I should wait for few more days and see if I get rid of my habits on my own. I at least deserve a self treatment.

And right on cue like my devil friend has been invading my mind texted me.

'You better put a message to the monk today or I will do it myself if I find you didn't.' - Tuyen

I still wonder how she always know what I was thinking. She chose a wrong profession. She must've took fortune telling as her degree.

Huffing and taking a deep breath, I opened my social media account. Finally it is time.

Alright what was the user Id name that Tuyen said? Mon... Mongrel?

Yes I did remember her saying 'Mongrel'.

I typed 'Mongrel' in search space and immediately found what I was looking for. There was large mongrel as profile picture and the members of the group are not visible. It's a private group like Tuyen said. I looked for posts uploaded by the group and they were mostly about self confidence and about nature so I think I'm in the right group.

I hesitated for few minutes to put a message or not and what exactly to put. After thinking for almost an hour, I finally gathered courage to put everything in it.

Taking a deep breath, I started writing my biography.

'Hello Mr. Monk, I'm Zinnia Mae White, a kinder garden teacher with many problems on my head. My friend suggested me to take wise advices from you to cure my disease so after a lot of thought I dared to message you.

I have many problems around me, create by me. My friend says that I'm a lot impulsive and doesn't complete what I started when my excitement dies down and to some extent she is correct. For that reason I've been involved into many unfortunate incidents and thankfully my friend and my cousin saved me every time.

But today I'm here to get advice from you for this disease. I know mine is not a big problem at all but I still want an advice from you.

On that note, I will be waiting for your quick reply.

Thank you for listening to me and do not over look my message I don't like it.

From Zinnia.'

Done.

Now I just need to wait for the reply. Phew. Let's see what advice I get.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Zinnia Point of View

'Hello Mr. Monk, Zinnia here again.

I've been waiting for you reply from 25 hours 48 minutes and 2 seconds patiently. My friend did say that you would take a week's time to reply but here I am with another harmless habit of mine.

I'm not patient. I don't know why but I expect things to happen soon or else I get anxious. And that is how I'm feeling now. While waiting for your reply, I checked my phone for over 400 times over past 25 hours and I was anxious if the message reached you safely or not.

So, If you or your assistant whoever is looking over the social media accounts got my message, Please reply me quickly.

Thank you so much for listening to me.

Fickle and Anxious Zinnia.'

'Hello Respected Mr. Monk, It's been four days and still didn't get any reply from you yet. I know I'm pestering you with my silly problems when you have bunches of people you need to fix. But, like I said I am not a patient person and my hands are itching to start some new interesting works to do but I'm controlling myself from signing any new contract so I can first know your views about my habits.

I just need a simple one sentence reply if I am eligible for this counseling or not. I know I'm disturbing you a lot and I'm so sorry. It's not like I am desperate about counseling with you but I just don't like when someone puts me on hold.

Hoping to receive a quick 'yes' or 'no' from you and trust me I wouldn't feel bad at all if I'm not eligible.

Thank you for your reading time.

Anxious and helpless Zinnia.'

It's been a day that I sent my last message to the monk and I didn't get any reply yet. I wonder if he is okay or not. I wish he gets well soon if he is not alright.

So in these five days I watched many videos of speeches given by different monks around the world and also many counseling stages by the monks and to say they are very patient and give a very good piece of advice is an understatement.

There is this one time when a girl told her story of how one of her colleagues at her office always being rude to her for no good reason and keeps humiliating her.

I felt bad for her and expected the monk to either brush away it as some silly problem or ask her to beat her to pulp when no one was around but the monk's reply really got to me.

'There is no reason for you to feel sad about that, child. She was being jealous of you and you just need to pity her for choosing such way to express her jealousy. From next time, whenever she express her jealousy to you violently just tell her that you pity her and she will let you be after few times of hearing that from you.'

Isn't that a good advice? So I started using it on my best friend and cousin from then on. Whenever they mock me about my habits, I tell I pity them because they are jealous of my abilities to multi task.

And from then on I kind of grew fond of monks. They are amazing and so patient unlike me. They are very good listeners and they listen to everyone's issues with so much tolerance that I think I cannot be that tolerant even if I save this world from calamities.

Oh, I'm just too lazy to save the whole world.

"Albina!" I called out exasperated at my cousin when I saw her walking into the house.

"What?" She sighed and drank a bottle full of chilled water and heaved a little.

"This is the first time I am seeing you in three days. Where were you? Are you doing drugs? Why are your eyes as bright as traffic signal red light?" I asked in one breath pulling the second water bottle from her hand and took a gulp from it.

She looked like she didn't have a decent sleep from days and this is not new to her or us. She is like this.

"I went to meet God." And I spewed the water from my mouth in shock.

"You what?" I almost yelled looking dead serious at her.

She went to meet God? Is she crazy? She's sounding like God is a name of a new neighbor here.

"You mean you went to temple or a church to do services?" I asked trying to get a logical understanding from her senseless statement.

How would one go and meet God and come back again?

As far as I know you can only meet God once in a lifetime and that too when that lifetime is up.

"Whatever. I'm so tired, Mae. I'll just go have some sleep." Her red zombie eyes are already drooping down so I just nodded and told her that I would prepare some sandwiches for her to eat.

God knows how he is bearing her love and worship. I think he is frightened enough to even let her die because that would be disadvantageous to him. After all he would risk his own sanity by killing Albina and knowing her soul.

I made few sandwiches for myself and Albina and it took me whole one hour to wake her partially dead body up and feed her. Later that day I searched or few children stories to tell the class and just then my phone blinked with a new message.

I was too lazy to see the message as I was thinking that it must be some cellular company message to download certain caller tunes or recharge the number with some plan. But I suddenly thought that it can be a reply from the Monk group too.

What if it is not from the Monk, then I would be disappointed again and I will be restless again. No I wouldn't check the message it must be some mass cellular message.

But what if it is not?

What if it is really from the Monk?

I sighed deeply and slowly inched my hand towards my phone. I closed my eyes and tried to open my open peeking a little from my half closed eyes.

It was a notification from my social account. I smiled gleefully and clapped my hands clutching my phone in my hands tightly.

Please be it from the Monk

Please be it from the Monk

I chanted and opened the notification and good God I am skipping, hopping and dancing crazily on my bed.

I got the reply!

Finally, after five days of restlessness I got the reply from the Monk!

Yay!

I settled myself on the bed and opened the message to read it with my heart beating with hope.

'Listen here girl; you must have misunderstood us for someone else. So I expect you to stop asking advices from me.'

Misunderstood for someone else?

But I think I texted the right person then why is the Monk is telling me that I misunderstood?

'Hello Mr. Monk, I know I approached the right person. Are you telling me that I misunderstood because I spammed you with the messages the whole week or is it because my problems are not worth your time and expertise?

If so then I'm really sorry that I showed how impatient I was. Can you, a respected Monk, forgive this measly human and give your advices.

Please.'

I replied and made a note of making the message as polite and respectful as possible.

I am a little irritated that after waiting for many days for a simple reply all I get is an indirect 'No'. I'm disappointed but I know the Monk must have many people to attend to not just me.

Soon enough in a couple minutes I got the reply from the Monk.

'You are not going to leave me until I give you those advices you need, wont you?' He replied and I smiled a bit and how great a Monk can be that he can feel the desperation and determination of people from mere messages.

'Yes. I am really in need of you guidance according to my friend. So please let me be one of your disciple.' I answered adding a smiley in it. Hope the Monk doesn't feel that I am crossing my line for sending a simple smiley.

I waited for the reply with a baited breath. What will he advice me?

What will he ask me to know about my condition? According to the videos I watched, Monks usually asks few questions about the usual routine activities before analyzing them and give suggestions.

But there is no incident in my life that leads me to this impulsive and restless habit. My mother used to say that I was born with it. So should I tell the Monk the same think if he asks about my routines?

My hands vibrated as the phone blinked in a new notification.

'Alright then, let's meet up and see if you still want counseling from me.'

The Monk's reply felt vague and mysterious. Does he think I cannot be treated online that he is calling me to meet?

Maybe what Tuyen said is true about me having many problems.

~*~*~*~*~