The Last Dress

"I'm not going to sugarcoat things for you, Miss Mendez. You only have at least eight months to live based on your test results" My heart skipped a beat. My mom, who was trying hard not to cry, held my hand.

The doctor looked at me straightly but I can see her worries too.

I smiled at them both, telling them that it's okay.

"It's okay mum. Im fine, you don't need to be worried"

I am prepared.

I already knew this would happen to me. I know I won't live any longer in this chaotic but beautiful world.

I have cancer, some sort of malignant neoplasm of blood-forming tissues. It was discovered just last year because I noticed that I was getting a lot of bruises and I was paler as well. So I decided to have a check up, but it was a little too late.

"I am sorry to inform you that you're not getting any better. You have stage 4 acute lymphoblastic leukemia so you have to expect the worst"

The first time I heard that news, I was baffled. I felt so lost, I did not know what to do. I was feeling empty and low. Days and days passed by, all the people that I know came to support me but I shut them down. I don't want them to see me in this situation, wrecked and a mess. I don't want them to pity me, that's why I kept my distance. I ignored them.

"Vey, sweetheart let's go" I stared at my mom for a second then smiled at her again. She's really beautiful, she looks so young for her age too.

I stood up then bowed at the doctor. I also thanked her for taking care of me and guiding me in handling my condition cautiously.

The doctor then led our way out of her clinic.

As I've told you earlier, since I ignored all of them. When I left the house, I wandered off the mountains and let out all of my feelings, I screamed and I questioned the Creator. I asked Him what was the reason why he gave me this, and of all people why do I have to suffer like this. I stayed in the mountain tops for three days, I was cold, hungry and tired but I still did not get an answer.

Then all of a sudden my body felt so numb, I felt so woozy as if the world was turning around and all went black. I did not know what happened during the time I fainted.

"Are you sure you want to go there, dear?"

I nodded and smiled with assurance.

To continue my story about me wandering around the mountains, I woke up in a place. A quiet, peaceful and calming place after I fainted. It was peculiar as to how and why I got in here, a man then came inside. He told me everything that happened after I fainted. He was a pastor. I stayed in the guest room of the church for a week, and I shared my problems.

His only answer was "God has a plan ahead for you". At first, I didn't get him but in just a week of joining such church activities, sharing your feelings and views to the others, praying and putting more faith in Him and His words. I realized that his answer was right, my mind was clear and calm.

"Sweetheart we're here" I looked at her with excitement.

Staying in the church for a week made me realize that I don't need to be afraid because God has much better plans for me in heaven. I should not be afraid, rather I should be grateful because He gave me a situation that He knows I could handle it well and also excited because I could finally see Him up there.

"Hey, what are you thinking? Are you nervous?" She holds my hand tightly

"Nothing, and I am just a bit nervous" I answered

Today was my first day in college. It was never my parents' plan to let me continue my studies because they plan to make me go into chemotherapy but I insisted on going to college. I really wanted to pursue my dream, so in the end they agreed

And here I am now, entering the campus.

"Thanks mum" She replied with a smile and then we went straight to the dean's office for guidance

"Welcome Mrs. Mendez and Veronika, welcome to our campus" The dean greeted us warmly and let us sat down the chairs

So mum and the dean started talking about some things that I did not understand, then all of a sudden mum's phone rang.

"I'm sorry Dean, an emergency came. Please take care of my Veronika" The dean nodded and smiled with assurance to my mom

"Vey, will you be alright on your own?" She wore her worried face when she said that and for some weird reason, I find it cute.

"Yeah mum, It's alright don't worry" So all three of us stood up to go outside the office.

Mum hugged me and waved goodbye then she rushed outside the campus. When me and the dean were the only one left, she escorted me to my room.

Some of the students were currently looking at me. They're probably wondering why I entered class in the middle half of the semester. I've got to admit, walking here and seeing lively people makes me feel happy.

"And here we are, let's go inside your room and meet your blockmates Veronika" I just smiled at her. She lead the way in and I followed her

Everyone was looking at me, some smiled and some were not really happy to see me so I am kinda nervous right now.

The Dean is actually talking to the professor in class right now. I guess she is also the adviser.

This is kinda cool, I met a lot of lady professionals in just a day.

"Class, she will be your new blockmate. Take care of her, I'll be leaving now" Said the dean

Which leaves me alone standing in front of these people that I don't really know. I'm feeling butterflies in my stomach right now.

What should I do? I'm not used to this. I didn't do introductions even when I was a kid. I grew up being timid and shy.

"Why don't you introduce yourself to the whole class" The teacher smiled at me after saying that. Oh good, she's not a strict teacher. Well hey, I don't know her yet but they say that first impressions are right.

To be honest, I am shaking. I really hate things like this. Why do I have to introduce myself? I mean, what's the purpose? The teacher already knows my name so why cant she just tell the others? Right? Am I right or what?

Right. I'm wrong.

Geez.

"I-im Veronika Race Mendez. Im 18 turning 19 this coming October. My supposed real name is actually Veronica with a C and Grace, not Race but I guess the typewriter made a mistake well anyways, personally I think my name is kinda cool and I like it. I hope you guys are gonna be good to me and make friends with me. Thank you"

And didn't I say I'm not nervous at all? Hah. I did it. I survived and conquered my fear.

Yeah, the fear of talking in front of many people.

Since I was young, I've been really shy. I seldom talk to other people but that changed a bit when I met my adorable, lively and talkative best friend. We're the total opposites but we clicked, it's like we're really fated to be friends.

"Go find a seat now" I nodded and headed straight towards the vacant chair in the mid right corner near the windows.

As I sat down, the professor started her lessons already so I listened and yawned, just kidding. I dont yawn in public, it's too contagious and I might get caught.

Listening.

It has been ten minutes and I noticed that my seatmate at the back was poking me so I turned to face him. He smiled at me like we've known each other for so long but I didn't smile back because I felt weird.

"I'm reminding you about your bucket list journal. Submit it next week, okay? Oh for Ms. Mendez, it is by pair. Class dismiss" She headed straight towards the door.

What? By pair? How am I supposed to find a pair right now? I don't even know these people.

"Hey, the name's Killian. I don't have a pair so I guess you're my partner" I faced him then looked at him with a weird expression. He is feeling a bit close.

I didn't really have any guy friends in my entire life because most of them bullied me. Especially when we're kids, they bully me because I was so pale and skinny. So I kinda hated the idea of having guys as friends.

"Don't worry, I don't bite" He laughed softly at his own joke while I'm just staring at him straight. He is really weird. Weirder than I am.

Am I really stuck with this guy? No other girl that has no pair?

Looking.

Dang it. No one. They are all busy talking about their plans and applying makeup on their faces. I guess I'm stuck.

I just need to act normal. If I want to get through this semester, I have to get along with others without them knowing I have cancer. So I guess, I'm starting with this guy. I'll change my views and attitude starting now.

Changing.

"Okay. Let's be partners, call me Vey." I smiled at him gracefully. He just stared at me for a moment and it's already making me conscious. Is there something wrong with my face? Is there dirt? Or some kind of germs?

Why was he staring at me like that? His stares were really making me feel awkward and the other feeling that I could not explain.

I have never felt this before. I always knew what I'm feeling. I could always tell but right now it's just unexplainable. Like my whole blood is coming up to my cheeks making me so hot.

"You're cute when you blush. I'm going to call you Race so call me Killian, everyone here calls me Heiro" Was I blushing? Is he playing around with me?

Ugh. Why am I feeling so strange right now? Him calling me Race makes me a bit happy. He's the first one calling me that.

Aish. I can't take this anymore. I need to go home. The class is already over so I think I could go outside. I have to figure out this feeling.

I could not possibly like him. No. That's impossible. I'm already set. I don't need to have a boyfriend or a special someone that's going to get hurt more than me when I leave. And besides, I only met this guy today. Who knows what kind of man he really is.

Since we don't have a class scheduled every Friday. I also did not have any plans. I forgot to make a plan because I was so hung up on figuring out what I felt yesterday.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. I better check my SNS first. Same old news, same old viral videos, same old messages, same old faces, same ol-wait, a new friend request and a message request. Who could it be?

Click.

Killian Je with captain hooks profile picture. Eh? Killian, my block mate? Should I accept him?

Wait, I better read his message first. Maybe it's important. You know, I always get 'How are you' , 'Are you doing fine' , 'You okay' messages. I know they're all concerned but I hate it, it's like they really pity me so mom explained why they sent me those and now I kind of am trying to understand them.

Opening.

Killian Je: [Can I come over to your house? We need to make our bucket list]

Well at least that's a refreshing new message to read but what will I reply?

Killian Je: [Please?]

Ahh dang it. He said the magic word. I hate it when someone says the magic word.

Veronika: [Fine. I'll send you the address]

His reply was an emoji. An excited emoji to be exact. I told him the address and he said it's not far from his place. Well, good for him.

Bad for me, I have to arrange my things as quickly as possible. I haven't had any new visitors here aside from my best friend who always comes here. I also need to tell mom that someone's coming and to not be awkward.

She sometimes was kind of awkward if someone would visit me at home, she always tells them about my childhood days and other embarrassing stuff about me. You know moms.

"Mum, Dad. My classmate is coming over to do our project so please behave and don't tell him about my condition" Mum just let out a small laugh and told me that she'll prepare some snacks but Dad is looking at me with a blank expression. And it's scaring me. Did I do something wrong? What did I do?

I was going to ask Dad what's the matter but then the doorbell rang and he went to open the door. I saw Killian standing outside, sweating. Did he run? Or is it just hot outside?

"Hi sir, I-im Killian Jed Reyes you're daughter's classmate" I did not hear any replies from my dad so I rushed to the kitchen and told mom that dad is being awfully strict again.

In times like this, mom is my savior but I could not blame dad for being strict now. It was the first time that a guy was going to visit me in our house.

"Honey, let him in. Come inside" Good thing dad obeys mom. I admire both of them, no one can beat their relationship nowadays. They just don't break that easily.

Killian is now inside the house sitting on the couch with dad facing him on the side. I told him to wait for a while because I'm still not finished cleaning my stuff inside so I left him with dad.

I did not know what they were talking about now. Maybe dad was investigating him. Who cares? I'm too busy here as well.

Finally, I'm done with the entire room. Woah! Didn't even break a sweat. It was too easy.

I better go get Killian now, maybe he's dead by now because of dad. Who knows what dad might do to him.

"Killian, you can come in now" I did not go downstairs and I clearly saw what they were doing right now. Seems like dad was seriously talking to him about something. Argh. I wonder what that was. I hope it's not something embarrassing.

Killian then stood up and took a bow then went straight to the stairs to where I am now.

I don't know why he kept on smiling at me when I looked at him. He was making me feel awkward again.

"So let's start?" I'm sitting in my bed right now, while he is sitting on my jelly bean chair. I wanted to get this done right away but it seemed like he's not listening to me right now. His eyes are rolling and his head is turning everywhere in my room. Is this his first time in a girls room?

"Hey are you even listening to me?" I snapped my finger in front of him and he came back to his senses.

I am starting to regret my decision to make him my partner.

"Oh sorry, I was just distracted. Your room is really nice" I rolled my eyes then faced my laptop again. I hate writing it down, I mean handwritten things. I don't like it, we live in a digital world. Who needs paper and pen?

"So which bucket list am I going to type first?" I asked him to face my laptop and open my writing pad but he stopped me. He shut it down and placed it on my study table.

What was his problem?

"Prof said it should be handwritten" I nagged and opposed. I hate writing things down using my hands, for one main reason. I have really bad penmanship.

One time, I joined a feature writing competition. I was so confident because the topic was so easy and fun. I was the first one to finish writing and on the day of the winner announcement, I was not called. Meaning I lost. I asked one of the judges why I did not win, all he said was 'You have bad penmanship' and that was the start of my traumatic writing experience.

"But..."

"No buts Race. I'll just write it so just tell me your list"

Why was he so nice? Is this normal? I'm not used to it. He should be bullying me by now.

My bucket list...

I did not really make a new one but last year I made one. It was quite a sad bucket list because I know I could not really do it all.

My favorite one on my bucket list was to wear a dress. Wear a dress, a long white dress while walking down the aisle. Who doesn't want that? Every girl dreams of marrying the man of her dreams but in my case, It will only happen in my dreams because my time is limited and cut short.

Should I tell him that? Gosh, Veronika of course, you must never. But why? If you do, he will act weird towards you and he will pity you.

Oh right. I should not. Thanks for the reminder,inner voice.

I guess I will just make another bucket list for this project. This is freaking tiring.

"Earth to Race. Are you there?" I came back to my senses then smiled at him. The funny thing is when I'm the one smiling, he can't look at me directly for a second then after that he will stare at me making me turn red.

"Sorry, I was thinking 'bout my bucket list" And after that, I told him the thing I want to do. First was to travel around the Philippines. Go to the historic and haunted places in our country. Record a song in a recording company.

Those were some of the things I really wanted to do. It's on my old bucket list, still haven't done any of that except travel. I've been to some places with my parents.

The last one on my list was not really real but it's not fake either. I told him, I want to go to a ball. If you think about it, a ball is closer to a wedding because you still get to wear a perfectly beautiful dress.

Then he told me the things he wanted to do and I was amazed by it. He is so full of things. So positive in life. I wish I'd be more like him though.

"It's already late. I have to go see you this Monday. Have a good night" I didn't get to reply because he kissed me lightly on my cheek. Damn. I did not know what to do. I'm feeling really hot.

The butterflies in my stomach were moving so fast that I wanted to vomit.

No one, I mean no guy except my dad and grandpa has ever kissed me. I never had any boyfriends, no flings. Never experienced dates, movies and all.

"O-okay. B-bye" Ugh. I stammered. What is happening to me?

Why am I like this all of a sudden? Damn. He's making me confused. Does he like me? Do I like him? Is he playing with me?

No this won't do.

I better make up my mind. I can't feel this right now. I don't want to have any strings attached. I want to leave peacefully without any doubts and regrets.

"Can any of you give me the definition of Probability?" The teacher asked the whole class.

Probability.

What is the probability of me having a longer life here on earth? I guess 1 out 10 chances.

I'm not really worried about that. If my probability to live is less than the others, then I might as well live my life to the fullest and enjoy the little things that come my way.

Now what would be the first thing that I would do? Should I follow my bucket list? I know there is also a least probability that I will finish all that was written on the list in just eight months but nevertheless I will do all of it, or at least I will try my best to.

"Miss Mendez, do you mind if you share your daydream with us?" I was surprised because everyone was looking at me and the teacher was right in front of me. That happened real quick.

What should I do? This is embarrassing. I wanna slap myself right now.

Ugh.

"I-i was thinking about it's definition ma'am" Then I stood up and told them the definition of probability.

Probability.

It isn't just something found in your statistics class. It could happen in real life. Sometimes I wish probability was not discovered or formulated so that I would not know my little chance of living here.

The class ended right away and it's lunch break already. That is why I headed straight to the cafeteria.

I did not order much and then started eating while talking on the phone with Mal, my best friend. I missed her because we didn't get to see each other last weekend

I was so ecstatic talking to her that I didn't notice someone was sitting right in front of me.

"You're the new girl right?" The girl asked me. She was full of make up along with her friends.

I told Mal that I'd hang up the call.

I stared at her then smiled but she just rolled her eyes over me.

What's wrong with her? Do I know this girl? Did I do something to her?

"Im Heiro's ex-girlfriend but technically we're still seeing each other so you better stay away from him if you don't want any trouble. Got that?" I felt my body shudder. What is she talking about? I don't even intend to be friends with Killian, just until our project is over.

Ex girlfriend, so what? Oh please, I barely have enough time to do what I want. This is some sort of nonsense.

Nonsense. She was so cringe.

"Okay" I gave a short, strong reply then I continued eating but I noticed she didn't leave. Oh c'mon.

I'm eating for crying out loud. I hate people staring at me when I'm eating. This is too much.

I was about to stand and go outside but she grabbed a hold of my hand.

"That's not a warning, that's a threat" She added. Like I'm stupid enough not to know that it's a threat. What does she think of me? Oh right, she doesn't even know me.

Well whatever, this week is almost over and so is my connection with Killian. I don't have to deal with this childish girl anymore.

Fortunately, she let go of my hand. I didn't really look at her so I don't know if she's furious or what.

"Are you done?" I asked her a sarcastic question to make her calm, then after that I walked out.

I'm not the bitchy type of girl but if accused of something I did not even do or if i'm threatened by someone, I sometimes become a monster. Way way back, but it's a long story and I've got class to attend to so I'll tell you later.

※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※

After a week

Another week has passed but every day seemed so long for me. I'm beginning to get bored in class because I always read in advance and yeah, I understood it clearly enough by myself without a teacher teaching.

Then why did you enter college?

For experience, duh. I just want to know what it's like to be in college and to be part of a campus. I guess? Ugh. Stop interrupting me, stupid conscience.

"Vey, someone's waiting for you" I heard mum calling me. Who? Is it Mal? But she always goes straight ahead upstairs and doesn't even wait in the living room.

Maybe it's my childhood friend. Other than my longtime best friend, I had a childhood sweetheart companion when I was younger. We always hang out in the garden and our favorite game was playing hide and seek, but one time when we played hide and seek in the garden. I was the seeker and he hid but I could not find him. I searched for hours but still no sign of him.

I cried and cried because I could not find him then mom and dad hugged me. I told them I lost my friend but they told me he just left. His family left hours ago, they're going to live in another place.

"Killian? Why are you here? What's the matter?" I'm already outside my room and I saw him.

To my dismay, it was not my childhood friend. Well, I can not clearly remember his face and there are no photographs of us because he doesn't like taking pictures that much.

"I have a deal to offer" I was curious like a cat so I immediately went downstairs. Now what he is up to? Does he think we're that close? How come dad just let him in? Where is dad by the way?

"What is it? Is it that important that you have to drive all the way here?" I seriously asked. He has a car. A vintage mustang, but it doesn't look rusty because it's well taken care of.

"Let's go outside your garden" He replied. What did he just say? How does he know we have a garden? Has he been waiting for so long that he roamed around our house?

He held my hand and dragged me outside the house.

"Uh, you can let go now Killian" We're already standing in our garden and he was still holding my hand. Now that I mentioned it, this was my first time back in our garden.

Since that day my childhood friend whom I called Roro, left me. I was not really aware of his real name because I did not bother to ask, well anyway I never came back here because I was traumatized. It feels like everytime I come here, somebody is going to leave me.

"Oh, I'm sorry about that" I just looked at him strangely. I don't know what he was doing here and why we're here.

"So? What is it you're about to tell me?" I asked him seriously because my feet are itching to get away from here.

"I want to be your boyfriend, let me court you Race." My jaw dropped. I mean literally. Is he serious? Is he toying with me?

"W-what's gotten into you?" I stammered. This is not funny at all. If he's playing around I will surely kick his head.

"Please, just give me a chance. I promise you won't regret it." I frowned at him but he's just looking at me with full sincerity. Does this mean he's really serious? Is he really?

"Why? What's your reason Killian? Look, I'm not like most girls. I dont have time for this. Just go back to your ex who is apparently jealous at me over nothing" I can't believe I said that. Stupid mouth, why can't you just shut up?

"Are you talking about Sasha? I don't like her, I don't even love her." He sat on the ground leaving me standing in front of him so I also sat beside him, because I don't have a choice. I kinda miss doing this in the garden. But now is not the right time to reminisce.

"Then do you like me? Why do you like me already? We only met recently. You don't even know the real me" Truth be told, I'm trembling right now. I don't know what to do, I don't know how to handle these things. It's my first time to encounter a guy that confessed his feelings to me.

Wait, he did not even confess. Ugh.

"You don't need to know that perfect someone in a long period of time to figure out your true feelings. Sometimes you only need a week or so. Just please, please give me a chance?" He gently said while looking at me. I can't look at his eyes because it's starting to get really watery like he's about to cry.

Ugh.

Someone help me. I don't know what to do anymore.

Keep calm Veronika. Get your mind straight. Remember your preparation, you don't need a reason to not want to leave the world peacefully.

Right. That's exactly it. Thanks for that inner voice, I thought you're useless.

"Look, I'm not easy to deal with. I'm not like your typical, sexy, beautiful type of girl. Im sorry but I can't" I just can't. Not because I don't like him. There I admit, I do like him. But not like I super like him to the point where I could say that I'm in love, just infatuated. He's handsome for crying out loud, that I will not deny.

I was about to stand up but he stopped me and held my hand. I felt something unusual when he held my hand. It's like a spark of electricity flowing over my body.

What does that mean?

"Please Veronika Race. I beg you, just one chance" Dang it. Why won't he stop? I already rejected him. This was harder than I thought.

I know he won't stop until I say the words he wants to hear, and I really just want it over and done with.

"Fine. I'm giving you one chance. That's it, I'm not sure if you will really be my boyfriend, though. So don't be too overjoyed" He embraced me tightly and then gave a smile that was priceless. I faked a smile at him.

I'll be giving him a hard time when he starts so he'll leave me and realize he doesnt love me. I know eventually he would find another one and that's a bigger possibility than holding on to me.

I just hope I made the right decision and I won't regret it later on.