The Bloundless Dream

Spring weather is gentle on the spacious street. In the wind, the clouds still lingered in the weather of late winter and early spring. The flavor is sweet and gentle but enough to make lonely people suddenly feel sad during the change of seasons.

Unexpectedly, my mind remembered my first love.

She and I used to hold hands and walk together on winter afternoons, walking through mossy street corners. Let's visit an old cafe together, a place full of heart - wrenching love songs, as sad as a drop of pure dew falling on the soul, gentle and mellow.

Remember a long time ago, I promised you that we would hold hands through the storms of youth and give each other unforgettable memories. Or when winter comes, it seems like I never feel cold in my heart.

But finally, when winter passed, spring came, joining the hustle and bustle of people on the streets. In the sound of rustling leaves falling in the rain and the trees trembling in the cold. I suddenly felt so cold.

It's fair to think, not all love affairs can be easily forgotten, not all happy memories can be easily passed by.

Although the spring weather is still cold, from time to time it sprinkles light drizzle on the shoulders of passersby, landing on the buds that are still shyly nestled behind the green foliage.

Somewhere there is still an echo of guilt, coldness, or sometimes it's just sadness that comes from nowhere.

But the bustle of people when spring comes also warms the lonely soul somewhat, giving us the feeling of someone comforting us, being next to us and keeping us company, confiding in us, dispelling the chaos and worries. in life.

The spring atmosphere is so special, it helps to highlight the brilliant pink of peach blossoms, the pure white of apricot and plum blossoms, as if waking up the "princess" after a long winter sleep.

All of that seems to portray a heart - stoppingly beautiful "spring" picture.

I sat down by the window, leaned back in the chair, looking out to the distant horizon. Then I secretly wished that my heart could bloom as brightly as the flowers out there.

The cherry petals falling in the wind are beautiful and poetic, but they contain a bit of unspeakable sadness, a feeling of sadness, making me suddenly remember the days when we were still together...

At that time, it was also in the spring like now. We were both leaning against each other but no one said a word. It seemed like that was the fate of two freedoms - loving people struggling in the whirlpool of life despite their efforts. Tried everything to escape but it was impossible. So I chose to stay silent and then the most unexpected thing happened, you left me.

I thought to myself, if I had spent a little more time with you, cared for you, worried about you, and loved you so much, would I still be sitting here alone now?

Or finally, one rainy day poured out all the troubles in the world, drenching the whole sky. She stood in front of me, smiling faintly. Her eyes suddenly stopped on my face, but no longer filled with love like before.

Her eyes were puffy, as if she had cried a lot, looking at the ground but not saying a word, just standing there for a moment as if waiting for me to speak. Then finally after a while, the tears seemed to overflow, and I was the one who started the story first.

You talked about many memories between the two of us, and you also promised me that you would forever forget those happy moments and memories.

You asked me if I regret losing you? I don't answer. It's not because I've never suffered, nor because I've never stopped loving you. Until I think about every sentence and every word you said to me, every sentence makes the corners of my eyes sting, tears seem to flow.

I don't know if it's because I'm too weak and weak, or because I broke up when I was still in love, so I just stand there frozen, not knowing how to respond to your feelings right now. Then I had to watch her turn around and walk away, gradually sinking into the hustle and bustle of people on the crowded street. Even though the weather at that time was cold enough to cut her skin, her small, thin back suddenly made the scene. At that time, it was nothing more than a painting, so beautiful it was heartbreaking.

The rain seemed to be falling gently, like my arms embracing myself. Each step was heavy, each drop of rain was like tears rolling down my cheeks.

Rain is very beautiful, each drop of rain glitters like glass, but it is a colorless, odorless, tasteless liquid that does not make people bleed when touched, but rain can sympathize with people. Cold rain when someone is lonely. Rain cries when someone is sad. You are like the rain, strong, a little cold, but inside you are so soft that you break easily.

Rain, a natural phenomenon, is very beautiful and contains many delicate emotions. When people see rain, they can feel each drop of water falling gently from above, creating a sound called "rain sound". The cool feeling of the air also easily blows away worries and stress in life.

Falling water drops look like romantic music, taking us into another world, away from busy life and social pressures. Rain also makes everything more lush and vibrant, trees are watered like dancing, and home gardens look brilliant in green light.

However, sometimes, rain can make people feel sadness and despair mixed with extreme loneliness, just like beautiful flowers endure drops of water falling on their heads, yellow and withered trees, creating so the scene was so heart - wrenching.

Shades of gray from the sky also evoke unhappy thoughts in our minds.

Perhaps when we see rain, we also see a part of ourselves. Although humans have a lot of joy and happiness, they also carry sadness and loneliness.

It's raining in Saigon again today...

The rain wasn't heavy, but it was persistent and soaked in every pain just like the last time we met.

Under that stormy weather,

I know this time we really broke up. How gentle was the farewell!

No more noise, no arguing or exhausted crying. But gently accept leaving each other, giving each other the opportunity to meet better, more suitable people.

She said: "We broke up not because we stopped loving each other, but simply because there were many reasons why we couldn't be together anymore. After the times you hurt me, I will love you a little less. Then I finally had enough courage to say goodbye to you. Even so, I still thank you for the happy times that have passed. You must be very happy with someone new, the boy I once loved."

I wish.

If, just if at that time I had just been a little more delicate, lowered my ego and held you in my arms, would you have left me?

If only, just if I could turn back time, return to the moments we threw away, pick up all the happiness and give it to you. As for the scars that have appeared, I will try to hide them and put them in a corner of my heart.

But the truth is that memories are sometimes the thing that can kill a person's emotions. They are still there, forming scales, forming clumps, and dying in the soul. Because the past is eternal, even though you are no longer by my side, I believe that what we gave each other, the most beautiful memories between you and me, will never fade away.

It's raining on the street today. I put my head down on the table again after a night of running to meet the company deadline. Listen to the instrumental music, immerse yourself in the rain that is blurring the rush of people on the street, wetting the old mossy green roof tiles, fluttering on the street corners we have passed.

Random encounters on the street, dates under the sparkling moonlight. Footsteps walking together through fields of bright red poinciana flowers, hasty hugs.

Then my heart skipped a beat, falling in love with someone...

The sound of wind chimes rang softly. As usual, I didn't pay attention to the flow of customers coming in and out of the restaurant or the polite greetings of the staff. Surprisingly, the footsteps suddenly stopped right next to my desk.

The white, slender hand tapped on the table as if trying to attract my attention. Although I didn't care, I still lay there with my head on the table.

The coffee shop in the morning is not too crowded at this time. The knocking finally stopped, but not a single footstep left. It seemed like this guest wanted to play mind games with me. Honestly, I don't have the patience to do these three useless things that don't bring any benefit to myself, so even though my mind still has the echoes of last night's deadlines, I have to chase this person away so I can have a good night's sleep.

Before I could say anything, my mouth stopped at the smile of the girl standing in front of me.

"Hello Bao"

Is it you? Is it really you? The girl in front of me from the past has changed so much, so much that if it weren't for her sunny smile and characteristic dimples, I probably wouldn't recognize her anymore.

She sat down on the chair in front of me, still smiling brightly as usual, only after all this time she had more personality. Her long hair has been cut shoulder - length and then styled and colored. But now I still think that face is only for long hair. I didn't expect that when she cut it, she looked much prettier.

You, a girl who made an impression on me from the first time we met. I still remember vividly the time she shyly went to the shop to apply for a job. At that time, i don't know how many guys came in and out of the extremely busy shop just to ask for my Facebook. I'm just sorry that at that time I already had someone to love. Knowing that, I could only silently stand from afar and watch her happy with that person.

Until I broke up with that guy, I was sad and came to the shop more often, and then I don't know when I became a regular customer here. Suddenly one day you said maybe we shouldn't see each other anymore and then disappeared. Even though I went to her house and waited for hours just to see a familiar figure, in the end I found out she had moved away a long time ago. No matter how many times you call the phone number, the only thing that comes back is the voice of the operator girl speaking as if answering an assignment. After days of searching in vain, I gradually accepted and kept your image deep in my heart. But unexpectedly, now, you come and appear before my eyes.

...

"Where have you been all this time?"

I looked intently at the girl sitting across from me, but she did not avoid my question, she immediately answered:

"I went back to my hometown."

Her answer accompanied by a happy smile made my heart suddenly ache. But in your smile, I know it seems like your life hasn't been easy lately.

After that, we suddenly fell silent, no one said anything, and didn't know how to start a conversation. It's not that after all this time going back and forth, I see you as a stranger, but I'm afraid, I'm afraid that when I have to start a conversation, I will accidentally touch some pain that you don't want to talk about.

The cup of coffee on my table has emptied a bit, but my heavy eyes, full of emotions, are watching the rush of people out there. Looking at you like that, I thought to myself, since when could a girl like you who only likes to drink sweet milk tea love the bitter taste of coffee?

I still remember you once told me that you only like the sweet flavors of life, and you hate bitter things like coffee. So what has happened in recent times that has made you change so completely?

The tree canopy occasionally sways with the wind and the clouds, dragging remaining raindrops to the ground. It turns out that no matter how small the damage, even if it heals, it will leave a scar in the heart.

Over time, the cafe gradually calmed down. A few regular customers are still there. Each stream of people went in and out like a movie unconsciously repeating a single scene over and over again. But I'm still sitting here, silent. And my mind was confused with countless thoughts. During the time without you by my side, I never stopped thinking about you. Sometimes, out of habit, I suddenly called the number that had been imprinted in my mind. But now you're sitting next to me, even if I ask you a question, I don't dare say it.

"Is your work okay?"

I was surprised when it was you who broke the silent atmosphere between us.

"YES."

Perhaps after the breakup, she was no longer the innocent, innocent looking girl that day. Now, just looking deep into her eyes is enough to see countless deep cuts in my heart. If she didn't say it out loud, how many people would understand those pains?

The day we were together, I was happy and lively. You're like a child, always whining and acting like a baby to me. Whatever you know, you tell me first, and you talk so much that I fall asleep without even realizing it. In my eyes, the love story about you is as beautiful as a dream.

"For some reason, since I tried to be strong and tried to hide every little emotion I had, it seemed to make me even more the center of attention, everyone praised me wholeheartedly. You are special. It's true that it will make other people feel more relieved, but what about me? Has anyone thought about my feelings? No one."

I smiled bitterly.

"No matter where I go or who I come into contact with, everyone says things filled with clichés. Even though there were a few people I tried to open up to, it didn't work out and I became even more insensitive. Is it true that the more I understand things, the more reasonable I am, the more my heart wavers, the more I control myself and remember you. My heart aches so much every time I hope someone can make me forget your image, but why can't anyone do that?"

I know you're fed up with having to pretend you're knowledgeable, know everything, and understand everything, but all the boys who have passed through your life, no one knows the reason why you became like this.

I know I'm selfish, but I want you to be yourself, one more time. I want you to return to the look you had when we first met, the innocent look when you loved me and were with me. Not this strange understanding look of yours.

"You know, since I changed, there have been many times when I have been very confused, not knowing if I am living according to my true self. I used to have low self - esteem and depression about myself to the point where I just wanted to end this life as soon as possible. But at times like that, I suddenly remember what you once said that made me strong."

She said and smiled at me. When I noticed, this was probably the most genuine and beautiful smile she had ever had. How happy! When I see the girl I love is now mature in this stormy life. I'm happy for you because after all the hardships and falls, you finally found your life's goal.

Time slowly passed like that, until the regular customers of the restaurant also left. I suddenly looked at the clock in surprise, then quickly stood up and left. I also wanted to send her home like before, but thinking back to our current position, she and I were probably just two social friends who met and then left each other, so I didn't have the heart to say goodbye. I'm afraid, very afraid, afraid of the feeling of you suddenly coming to me, laughing and joking together and then one day you suddenly disappear.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, warm, familiar tears suddenly wet one cheek, so much so that I didn't understand why I was crying again.

But in the end, I still silently encouraged myself with extremely silly reasons, then quickly wiped my cheeks because of my painful past. I tried to reach for a small mirror nearby and look at myself. body in the mirror.

Still the same boy with uncut hair that hasn't been cut in two months, still a body as thin as a piece of paper, pale, thin face, eyes filled with countless tiredness and loneliness, wrinkles. Wrinkles have appeared on the face.

Without thinking much, I tried to pinch my skin hard enough to draw blood to see if I was awake or still in a horrifying nightmare. The throbbing pain just proved that this was reality and before my eyes was not my "beloved" room but instead was a room filled with red and a series of scents. of cherry petals scattered everywhere, combined with red candlelight to create a surreal space.

It felt like I had been tortured with countless wounds all over my body, blood flowing from head to toe, but my mind couldn't remember anything, I didn't understand why I was lying here, my mind was so empty. beyond this painful feeling.

I was confused, tried to look around but couldn't see anything but darkness, vague calls echoed in my head, but I couldn't understand what it was saying, it was like another person existed. in my mind trying to call my name.

Suddenly I stepped forward, stretching out my hands to feel the appearance of anything. However, only that call lasted, the sound echoed out there.

The bloody scene before my eyes made me feel so overwhelmed that I could hardly breathe.

The walls, floors, tables, chairs, windows, furniture, even the light pink cherries placed on the table were covered with dried blood. A stench from the blood stains covered the whole house, filling my mind with a feeling of fear, not understanding where I was.

But it's even scarier when looking outside at a pitch black sky, with not a single cloud in sight, not even a little life can exist in this place. A feeling when I realized I had been transported to another world.

I tried to find a way to escape the room but was surrounded by hundreds of cherry blossom petals. Although they are so brilliant and beautiful, to me right now they are no different from a curse that is haunting me until death.

When I saw the door before my eyes, it suddenly opened, bringing with it an unpleasant, prolonged sound. Waiting in front of me was a boy with a weird outfit style, sitting on an armchair, gently caressing the cherry branch in his hand.

The boy smiled, a mysterious smile, his melodious tone and slow, gentle way of speaking captivated the listener.

"Do you like cherry apricots?"

Cherry blossoms! Every time I look at them, I remember the image of that girl. Fragile and weak, but with a gentle beauty.

Perhaps if we miss just one second of the moment the cherry blossom petals fall, we will quietly lose each other forever, losing so many passionate, passionate emotions of youthful love.

And just maybe, I missed the most beautiful cherry blossom season of my life.

After being stunned for a few seconds, the strange boy spoke again:

"They are beautiful, aren't they?"

When the boy said this, he held his stomach and laughed and snapped his fingers. The snap created a pink space that covered everything. A series of giant cherry apricot stems from the ground began to sprout from the mother tree and then spread their wings one after another, emitting a fragrant scent.

The scent of cherry apricot is a bit difficult to explain in simple words, but it can be said that it is basically the same as the light taste of cherry but more delicate and sweeter.

"That dream scene, It's very beautiful, isn't it?"

"Dreamscape! Am I in a dream!"

"That's right. Play a game of chess with me, if you win, you will escape this dream and start a happy life with the girl you once loved. And if you lose..."

"I will stay here forever, right?"

"That's right."

Next, thirty-two chess pieces rose sequentially. On both sides, sixteen black and white pieces of each type turned into human figures, arranged one after another in neat positions in the middle of the chessboard.

The King and Queen are in the middle of the bottom row of the chessboard, while the knights, bishops, and rooks stand on two symmetrical wings. In front is a row of eight pawns standing tall like a protective wall for the main pieces to move.

As if reading my mind, the boy crossed his legs and said:

"You saw it. Before us there are thirty-two chess pieces: Sixteen white, sixteen black. Each piece will represent a different independent individual and they will attack or defend depending on the player's orders. However, if they don't want to move, your move will be invalidated and I will be the one to take the next turn."

It took a while for me to regain my composure and piece together the events that were happening to me right now.

I glanced down at the chess board to analyze possible moves. But assuming this is just a normal match, I will not hesitate to fight to the end to bring myself victory. In the end, that was only limited to a normal match, but in this match, no matter how countless dangerous moves appeared in my head, my winning rate was still back. an incomplete number, as if there was some invisible force that was preventing me from winning against this mysterious kid.

...

So that's what it feels like after death.

Perhaps someone's cry awakened my wandering soul and brought me back to reality. Everything before my eyes appeared realistically, the coffin, the wreath and the sad, lingering music.

I woke up in a tragic scene, surrounded by the sound of trumpets and plaintive cries from inside to outside.

The coffin lid was left half open so everyone could see the deceased one last time. Strangely enough, the person lying in that coffin was me. With my face swollen and my hands clasped together, I couldn't help but laugh out loud.

A white towel was placed over my face to cover part of my distorted face, perhaps to prevent others from shivering when they saw it. Crying and music mixed together to create a strangely painful atmosphere, and I'm not a person who likes bustling places like this. In addition, there were a few old men in the yard who took advantage of this opportunity to set out beer and wine to enjoy a meal. However, to keep the atmosphere somewhat solemn, people did not talk much, just leaned close to each other and muttered a few words that I could not hear clearly, the monks' chanting, the voices of people talking. musical instruments, everything repeats like a broken movie.

The crying never stops.

Day after day, people filled my belongings next to the coffin.

Actually, there's nothing precious, I have a childhood diary with a few gifts that people gave me, which I cherish in my hand. Oh, and the ballpoint pen my dad bought me when I was little but I never used it, just kept it in the closet considering it the most precious thing.

Everyone looked and started talking about old times.

They talked about my personality, the memories they had with me, and then they started talking about the reason I left. Everyone had their own opinion, but no one guessed anything correctly.

The air was so heavy that my soul couldn't bear it, and a gust of wind pushed me out of the house I had lived in for many years.

I just wandered around in familiar places, flying back and forth in the sad atmosphere many days after my death.

Then I stopped in front of my grave. For some reason, I suddenly started having difficulty breathing, like the time I committed suicide in the river.

I no longer have a physical body, but why does my soul feel this pain, as if I'm being squeezed by the trauma when I was still on earth?

I cried and fainted, the corner of my eyes blearily saw the surrounding scene and then it went completely dark.

Opening my eyes, I found myself standing in front of that girl's house. The wet, heavy backpack was still hanging on my back and the bouquet of sunflowers were gradually withering under the torrential rain, getting heavier and heavier, along with each passing cold wind, it was enough to make people lonely. I have to cringe.

The road surface only flickers with a few shadows falling from a few old lampposts, causing not many passersby in this countryside to move around at night, especially during rainy times like this. Sometimes we only see a few cars and trucks passing by, causing potholes and potholes to splash water.

The sky probably understood people's hearts so it covered the rain with a veil of sadness. Even the sewers on both sides of the road were noisily releasing water but could not keep up with the speed of today's rain.

It seems like time is like heavy raindrops, gradually passing away. Ten minutes, fifteen minutes, twenty minutes have passed but the person I was waiting for still did not appear, only strangers quietly walked past me and looked at me curiously like a stranger who had just left the city. city ​​to hometown.

Standing in the rain, I thought to myself, she probably forgot about my appointment tonight, so I stopped waiting and drove home.

After parking the car, usually this time outside the alley is not crowded with people passing by, but today he did not see anyone. Unlike the city, people in the countryside often open their doors and mourn, and the TV still has the Tom & Jerry cartoon channel, which makes me feel strange and restless. I frowned, without thinking much, threw aside the heavy backpack on my shoulder, still clutching the bouquet of blue roses I bought earlier, and hurriedly rushed out the door.

Suddenly a stream of thoughts about something unfortunate about that girl ran through my mind.

I had to purse my lips, try to stop myself from thinking wildly, and quickly squeeze into the crowd of people in front.

Even though hundreds of voices were ringing in my ears, at this moment I no longer had the heart to hear everything around me clearly anymore. My vision gradually blurred, the noisy voices were replaced by a few flickering sounds that were sometimes clear and sometimes not.

"Kim..."

At this moment, I no longer had the mind to pay attention to anything when in front of me was the swollen body of the girl I loved.

Kim lay there, her eyes closed and body smelling bad. The Ba Ba shirt that she liked the most when I went to the market with her in Saigon, the shirt with a small sunflower pattern on the right corner that she cherished with all her heart and did not dare to wear when working in the fields is still there, but now she welcomes it. Coming home after stressful working hours is my cold death.

"Tell! Get out of the way!"

My mother came and grabbed my hand and pulled me back.

"Kim's body, mom! It's Kim's body!"

I trembled, tears welled up in my eyes. Despite the advice of everyone around me, I still couldn't believe that the girl lying in front of me was Kim.

"That girl is dead, why do you care!"

Mom's words were like a sharp knife stabbing into my wounds, making me turn around and look at her in shock. Kim was someone my parents were always proud to love like their own child in the family, but why was she now in my mother's mouth? Since when did I become a misfortune?

My whole body trembled coldly as if I had just picked it up from an ice cellar. I have never seen my family's love so fragile and disgusting.

"You're just too talkative!"

"She is my girlfriend!"

I shouted, forcefully pushed my mother's hand away, trying to hold back all my emotions at the moment to ask for a reason.

"What do you know if you've been gone all these years and just now come back? She went to work, seduced the boys there, had sex with her, then recorded a clip that everyone on social networks knew about. She can't even keep her family's face, so why do you still love that kind of girl?"

Every harsh word from the people around me kept hitting my ears, making it seem like I couldn't believe the words that were coming into my ears anymore.

I turned around and walked to her side, but my mother reached out to pull me back, but I didn't dare use too much force because I was afraid she would get hurt, so I could only watch helplessly as her body was placed on the mat and quickly rolled up. The gold was then taken to the empty lot behind the house and quickly buried.

Even now that I think back, I don't know how I got home when my despair reached its peak. I listlessly sat in a corner of her room, quietly looking at each of our souvenirs with tears streaming down my cheeks, then whispering sobs so small that I didn't even notice them. Since when have I cried?

Then I suddenly realized her small diary was tucked away in a corner of the room. The diary, only as small as my hand, was given to me on New Year's Eve in a hurry.

I gently picked up the cover of the notebook and caressed it, then flipped through the pages one by one, admiring the beautiful, soft handwriting that she had left on the paper when she was alive.

Suddenly I stopped, my whole body trembled, not because of sadness but because of anger when I read the words you wrote on it.

The corners of my eyes stung, I bit my lip so hard it bled, my cheeks started to get wet again then I cried bitterly.

Oh my god, you bastards!

Every sentence and every word you wrote in there was like sharp blades stabbing straight into my heart, scratching my heart and breaking it into pieces.

The truth is that I was drugged and raped by a group of bastards at a company party. I asked for help from my parents and reported to the police to punish those bastards, but in the end, everyone was left alone. On my side, on the contrary, everyone cursed and beat me severely for seducing someone else's son.

Those people used their naked bodies to touch my body, no matter how hard I tried to throw it away or find ways to escape, they still refused to let me go. That night seemed both long and humiliating to me. The lewd sounds of flesh touching each other made the crazy people's bodies excited as well. They are craving something from me, innocence.

In the room, the sound of debauchery echoed over the loud music, the smell of sweat from flesh, and the sounds of arguing over the men's share like wild animals that had been starving for a long time. To the point where I don't even know how many times those people did this to me, but it was truly disgusting, very disgusting, no words can describe it.

Furthermore, they recorded the clip and posted it on social networking sites. Even the neighbors recognized me as the girl in that black clip. But even those who knew the truth on that terrible night chose to silently watch me cry, and yell at me.

My emotions were like a rolling tsunami, I was so angry that I had to sit and cry helplessly. I can't imagine how desperate you were, when your whole body was full of wounds, when everyone turned their backs and didn't protect you, when you were devastated day and night by pain?

You passed away, the girl I love is no longer in this world.

That girl left, carrying all her wrongs with her, hoping that the water would wash her body clean.

But my dear, this place is so gloomy and dirty, will that water ever be clear?

Remember the time you said you wanted to go to the city to have a new life, a peaceful life. There is a small house with a porch, a backyard or a front yard, with children playing around catching butterflies under the canopy of fruit trees or some bright sunflowers.

But you passed away, on the day I came home, I thought would see you with a warm hug, but what I received was your bloated corpse that had just been picked up from the bottom of the river.

...