The Alpha Second Chance Mate

The needle slid out of Elaris Veyne's arm, and the healer put a bandage over the small puncture wound.

"That was the last of it," the healer said, not meeting her eyes. "Now you may rest."

Elaris nodded; though her head felt too heavy to even nod.

"Thank you," she murmured.

The healer, an elderly woman named Sela who had healed Elaris so many times they could both not count anymore, did not step back at once. Instead, she tightened the bandage and held Elaris's wrist a little longer than necessary.

"Elaris," Sela's voice lowered to almost whisper. "This is the third donation this month."

"Caedmon needed it."

"I know, but-" Sela paused. "This is not the issue. Your body cannot produce more of what he takes from it. You are pale. Your pulse is weak. If you tried standing on your feet now, I would not be surprised if you fell."

Elaris offered Sela a small tired smile. "I will not fall."

"You say that every time."

"And it is true every time." Elaris eased herself off the table, making sure her legs would support her before putting full weight on them. "I am fine, Sela. Really."

Sela pursed her lips, but did not say anything else when Elaris started walking toward the door. Over the years, she has learned that there was no arguing with her.

Elaris stayed with her fingers near the wall as she walked, though she did not touch it.

She did not have to.

" Just a bit tired," she thought to herself. "I did not sleep well last night. This is what this is."

Halfway down the corridor, the world started tilting.

Elaris halted her steps and put her palm flat against the stone wall.

"I'm fine," she whispered to herself. "I'm fine, I'm fine-"

Her knees gave out before she was able to finish.

But when she opened her eyes next, Elaris found herself laying on a new table, in a new room, with a blanket covering her up to her chest, and with three healers hovering around her, talking quietly amongst themselves.

"She's awake," one of them said.

Elaris blinked at the light from the ceiling lanterns. "What happened?"

Sela came forward. Her face was unreadable. "You fainted in the east corridor. One of the guards discovered you and brought you here."

"Oh." Elaris tried to sit up. But a hand on her shoulder pushed her back down.

"Don't," Sela said. "Not yet."

"I told you I was tired," Elaris mumbled. "I just need some sleep. I will be more careful-"

"Elaris." Sela exchanged glances with the other two healers standing beside her. "We did a complete examination while you were asleep. There is something you should know."

Elaris's insides twisted. "Is it my heart? Did the donations-"

"You're pregnant."

The words didn't register at once. Elaris gaped up at Sela, as if her leader had suddenly started to speak in another language.

"What?"

"You're pregnant," Sela repeated, a little slower. "From what we can tell, several weeks pregnant."

"That's..." Elaris's voice wobbled. "That's impossible. We have been trying for years. Every healer in this pack has told us it might never-"

"And yet." The stern look on Sela's face changed into something more tender, just a tiny bit. "It happened."

Elaris covered her mouth with both hands. Tears threatened in her eyes, and she let them fall, not bothering to blink them away.

"I'm pregnant," she said, tasting the words in her own mouth. "I'm... Caedmon and I are going to have a baby."

"You need to rest," Sela said, but there was no command in it anymore. "Your body is still recovering from the donation and the fainting. Another thing like pregnancy on top of that-"

"I need to see him." Elaris sat up without caring about how dizzy she felt. "I need to tell Caedmon."

"Elaris-"

"Please, Sela. He needs to know. We've waited so long." Her hands trembled as she pulled the blanket off her legs. "Please."

Sela sighed, but she nodded to the other healers. "Let her go. But someone walks with her."

The smell of medicine and burning herbs filled the air of Caedmon's ward, a familiar smell to Elaris, who no longer paid any attention to it anymore. The healers were checking their monitors and adjusting the feeding tubes that provided him with the stabilizing fluids. Lying motionless under the blanket was Caedmon with a pale face that rose and fell slowly with each breath.

"He hasn't been awake since morning," one of the healers whispered. "His body needed rest after the last donation."

"That is all right," Elaris replied. "I do not require him being awake."

Taking a chair, she sat next to the bed and took his hands in hers. His hands were always cold.

"Caedmon, it is me," she said in a whisper.

He did not respond.

"I understand that you cannot hear me. Maybe you can hear me somewhere, far away. But I needed to say this before anyone else."

Bringing his hand to her cheek, Elaris pressed it there.

"I am pregnant, Caedmon. We will have a baby."

Her voice broke at the end of the sentence. Taking a deep breath, she prepared to continue.

"Remember how many times we tried? How many times the healers have warned us that it will never happen for us but we ignored them saying that we do not care and will try regardless of everything?" she said, smiling from her tears. "You have always wished to have a daughter whereas I wished to have a son just to tease you. I suppose that this time we will see whose wishes become true."

Pressing her forehead to his palm, she continued.

"You have to wake up quickly. I do not wish to celebrate this without you. I want to see your face when I will tell you about it, not like this, not while you are sleeping and I am talking to myself like crazy." Again, she giggled and wiped her cheeks with one hand. "But I could not wait. I needed to say it before anyone else from this pack. It is only you who deserves this."

She sat with him for a little longer, tracing tiny circles over his knuckles while listening to the soft beep-beep of the machines beside his bed.

"Sleep," she said finally. "Get well. And when you open your eyes, I will tell you everything, and we'll celebrate. I promise."

Still holding his hand, Elaris turned when the door opened.

"Elaris."

She turned around. There was one of the senior doctors in the doorway, his face carefully blank as healers made their faces when they didn't wish to scare a patient.

"Doctor Harwin." Elaris got up slowly. "Is there a problem?"

"I need to speak to you in my office," Harwin said. "Please, right away."

Elaris cast another glance back at Caedmon's unchanging form and went out of the room after the doctor, expecting yet another lecture on the importance of getting enough sleep or about her weak constitution.

Doctor Harwin took her into his office and shut the door behind them. He invited her to sit down, but Elaris stayed standing – some intuition told her that she would prefer not to be seated when hearing the coming news.

He stared at her for a few moments, his expression grave.

"Elaris," Harwin said quietly. "There is a problem."

Elaris let herself slide into a chair across Doctor Harwin's desk, folding her hands in her lap. "What is it? Is there something wrong with Caedmon?"

"Yes." Harwin slowly lowered himself onto his chair, weighing every single word he had to say. "There has been a development in his condition that requires attention. In the last hour, his wolf essence levels have dropped below those considered normal."

"Dropped?" Elaris shook her head. "But the donations have worked, haven't they? You told me last month that his condition is stable."

"It was stable," Harwin said. "For Caedmon's condition, stability is always temporary. His body cannot produce wolf essence by itself, which means that any donation just gives him more time. Today, it's run out sooner than we've expected."

"Soon?"

Harwin looked into her eyes. "If we don't get him a large amount of wolf essence right away, his body will fail entirely. It may happen even today."

Elaris gasped for air. "To die? You're saying he could die?"

"I'm telling you that is a very likely outcome if we don't move fast."

Elaris put her hand to her chest, trying to calm down her heartbeat. "So, then do it. Just do whatever you need to do. Take whatever wolf essence you need from me."

"Elaris-"

"You know I have done that before. I know the price of it. Just tell me how much you need."

"This time it is not that simple," Harwin's voice was soft yet firm. "Given the current state of his health, he needs a donation significantly larger than any other you have given to him before. It is one large transfer rather than several small ones like before."

"Then give it to him."

"But there is more." Harwin placed his palms on the desk. "You are pregnant, Elaris."

"I know I'm pregnant," she nearly laughed at how ridiculous it sounded. "I have discovered it an hour ago."

"Then you see why it is such a problem." He locked eyes with her. "A donation that Caedmon's body needs would put too much pressure on yours. Your body is exhausted due to many years of donations and, now, is exhausted even more because of your pregnancy. Such donation can seriously harm the baby."

The silence filled the room.

"What are you saying?" Her voice was small.

"I am saying that it is quite possible that such donation will make you lose the pregnancy."

For some time Elaris sat motionless, letting the words sink in. "There has to be another way. Another donor. Someone from the pack-"

"We've considered that option," Harwin said. "It is quite rare for someone to have Caedmon's conditions and to react so unpredictably to the wolf essence donation from anyone whose bond is not as compatible as a mate's. You are the best choice we have. But it is possible that it won't work, and we would waste the only time we have left."

"How long would it take to test another donor?"

Elaris's hands started to shake in her lap. "Well, then either me, or nothing."

"It's not going to be an easy decision, I can tell you that much," Harwin told her softly. "I wish I could give you better news, especially today of all days."

"Isn't there some other form of treatment, some potion, or ritual, or something that will stabilize him without-"

"If there was, I would be preparing it now." Harwin shook his head gently. "I'm sorry, Elaris. Time is our enemy here, and every moment you waste making your decision is another moment that he continues to fade away."

Elaris rose to her feet so abruptly that the chair scraped against the floor. "I need to see him."

"Elaris-"

"I need to see him before I make my decision."

Harwin didn't attempt to dissuade her.

---

The ward looked very different from the way it had appeared only an hour earlier. Instead of monitoring Caedmon quietly and watching him breathe steadily, there were now three healers gathered around his bed, their voices urgent and low as they tried to do something to save him.

"What's going on?" Elaris asked, shoving one of the healers out of the way to get to Caedmon's side.

"He's breathing shallowly," the healer replied without looking at her. "We're trying our best to keep him stable, but-"

"But what?"

"But it isn't enough," he hesitated. "Not without the donation."

Elaris gazed down at Caedmon. His face, already pallid during the last months, was turning a strange, unnatural gray color that she'd never seen before. His lips were looking colorless. His breathing was so faint that she had to focus really hard to detect it.

As she reached out to take his hand the same way as she had done not even an hour ago when she was telling her happy news to his deaf ears. This time his hand was even colder.

"Caedmon," she whispered softly. "Caedmon, can you hear me?"

He did not answer. He could not.

For some reason, memories of every donation she'd ever made to him came rushing back to her-countless times that she had been sitting on that chair while healers were taking the blood and essence from her, the dizziness that she experienced for days afterwards, but which she never showed to anyone because she did not want them to worry about her while he was there in bed.

Each time she had repeated to herself that his life was much more important than hers and that she could give away everything in order to save him. She had never regretted any of that.

But she had never been able to lose anything like this before.

She placed her other hand over her stomach-she was still too early pregnant for the baby to be felt but she believed them and knew that there was something living inside her body right now. Her baby. And Caedmon's baby. It was the thing they both had desired for so long.

*He would be so happy*, she thought. *He would be crying if he wakes up now and hears about it. It is the thing he wanted the most.*

"Elaris," one of the healers touched her shoulder. "His vitals are dropping again."

Elaris sat up straight, eyes wide. "How much time does he have?"

"Doctor Harwin should explain the specifics of the situation, but-" The healer gave Elaris a concerned look as she glanced down at the screen by Caedmon's bed. "He doesn't have much. An hour, maybe. Less."

Elaris' gaze fell to the pale face of her husband lying on the bed. She thought about all those years she had watched him suffer because of this illness, about the promise she had made to herself that she would do anything to keep him alive.

She thought about the tiny life growing inside her, which could give her no voice in this decision.

She thought about waking up each morning to find the bed beside her empty, if she allowed him to die. She thought about an empty nursery if she decided to save the pregnancy.

There was nothing that came without a price.

"Elaris," the healer's voice cut through her thoughts. "We need to know your choice soon."

Elaris kissed Caedmon's cold hand one final time and pressed another kiss to his knuckles.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, barely audible.

She straightened and wiped the tears from her face before turning toward the healer. "Call the doctor for me," she ordered. "I have made my decision."

---

Doctor Harwin arrived almost instantly, the folder of papers already in hand as though he had known from the moment Elaris called him what decision she would make.

"Elaris," Doctor Harwin spoke cautiously. "Are you sure of this?"

"No," she admitted truthfully. "But he will die if I don't do this. And I won't allow it. Not when I have the means to save him."

Doctor Harwin studied Elaris intently for a moment, then nodded and placed the folder on the table by Caedmon's bed. He opened the folder, revealing many pages of formal paperwork, then offered her a pen.

"That's what this is going to authorize," he said. "This will also be acknowledging the risks associated with this procedure that I have discussed with you. I just need to make sure that you completely understand what you are signing up for."

"I understand," she said. Elaris took the pen from his hand. The quiver in her hands was so bad that she needed to use her whole palm on the surface of the table. "I know exactly what I'm signing up for."

"Elaris-"

"Please," she said through cracked voice. "Don't make me say it out loud again. Just let me sign it."

Harwin said nothing else and just kept the document steady while Elaris put a signature at the bottom of the page.

Her hand was shaking all the time she signed her name.

Two healers helped Elaris to get on the extraction table where her body was trembling under the light medical gown. A third healer came closer with a tray full of medical tools on his face there was the look of concern.

"Lady Elaris," said the healer. "I need to tell you that last time before the procedure starts. Caedmon requires much more essence compared to previous donations you did. You are at a very high risk of losing this baby. It can also leave you extremely weak for weeks or even longer."

"I know," Elaris said.

"You could change your mind. There is no way anyone could blame you for making other decision-"

"I am not changing my mind." There was the shake in her voice, but there was no hesitation in it. "Caedmon must live. Please, start the procedure."

The healer looked at her for a moment more and nodded at her and other healers. "Prepare the line."

Elaris shut her eyes as one of the healers took her arm and secured her in the position. Another healer made sure that the connection is established leading to Caedmon's ward where he was lying in the adjoining room.

"This is going to hurt more than previous donations you made," the healer said. "Please, try to keep still."

"I will try."

The needle pierced her flesh; larger than the needles she was used to. There was a brief silence. Then, the pulling started-a deep and powerful pull that came straight from her chest and extended outward as if something was being unwound from inside her.

Elaris took a sharp breath and clutched the sides of the table.

"Breathe, Lady Elaris," the healer advised. "Breathe slowly."

"I-it is worse than before," Elaris managed to utter between gasps.

"Your body is weakened. You have less to offer, so your body tries harder to protect you." The healer applied a wet cloth to Elaris's brow. "You're doing well. Hold on."

The pain increased sharply. Elaris raised herself off the table and bit her lips hard not to cry out loud. There was movement coming from behind the wall dividing both rooms; voices that sounded like those of healers operating on Caedmon.

"How is Caedmon?" Elaris forced herself to ask between clenched teeth. "Is it helping him?"

One of the healers near the door poked his head through to check on their patient and returned after a while with a relieved expression. "His heartbeat is strengthening. His levels of the essence are rising."

"Thank Goddess," Elaris muttered, but the pain hit her once again, rendering her breathless.

"Hold on,," the healer next to Elaris said, squeezing her hands. "A bit longer."

Minutes seemed to last forever. Elaris felt herself becoming even colder and weaker. The sounds of voices in the adjacent room became more intense, almost triumphant.

"Caedom is stable! The essence is taking effect!"

Elaris released a ragged breath in relief, hot tears flowing down her temples into her hair.

But then, the healer observing her vital signs went completely still.

"What is it?" Elaris croaked, though somehow she knew it.

Her face was completely white. She shared a look with the other healers and then turned to face Elaris, her face unreadable.

" Elaris," she spoke softly, "I am very sorry. There is no longer any pregnancy. The stress was too high."

Elaris closed her eyes. A noise came out of her throat, tiny and strangled, but she bit her tongue to suppress whatever sob she could feel rising up.

"Will he be okay?" she managed to force out, instead. "Caedmon. Is he going to make it?"

"Yes," the healer whispered. "We've saved him."

Elaris nodded. "Then it wasn't all for nothing."

---

Soon enough, she was transferred to a recovery room. Her body was simply too fragile for any further physical activity; it could only lie still underneath thick blankets. All over her body, she felt like she was hurting in ways that she hadn't before from any previous donation, a numbing pain that seemed to go bone-deep.

But the real pain was inside of her.

She placed a hand over her abdomen, flat and unremarkable, save for the changes happening inside of her. She allowed herself a few quiet sobs in the privacy of her own room for the baby she had lost before she forced herself to move past the loss.

*He's alive,* she reminded herself. *That's what's important. He's alive, and we can try again. We can have another baby once he's healed. This isn't the end of everything. This is just... a terrible price.*

She waited through the next hours, sleeping intermittently from sheer exhaustion, until the healers came to inform her that Caedmon had awoken.

Elaris was insistent upon being allowed to see him right away, even though the healers told her she needed to rest longer. She couldn't wait; she needed to know that he was awake and breathing.

A healer wheeled her into a chair and took her down the hall towards his ward. Her heart was pounding the whole way there.

They arrived at his bedside to find Caedmon lying back against his pillows, still pale but definitely awake and his eyes following her as she walked through the door.

"Caedmon," Elaris's voice was thick with emotion. "You're awake."

"Elaris," he followed her with his gaze, then moved down to her trembling hands, the wheelchair she rolled in, the exhaustion that marked her features. "What happened to you? Why do you look like that?"

"I'm alright," she reassured him, although her voice was a bit shaky as well. "I'm just tired. What's important is that you're alive."

"Elaris," Caedmon's voice was harder now. "What happened?"

She took a deep breath to calm herself before speaking. "Can you remember anything after your condition became critical?"

"Only that the healers said that my state was getting worse," Caedmon answered. "Not much else."

"Your level dropped too fast," she told him. "We needed to give you a large donation, one that I never gave before. There wasn't any time to search for another donor. Caedmon, there's something I wanted to tell you on that morning, before you started getting even worse."

"Tell me what?"

Tears appeared in her eyes once again, but this time because of something entirely different. "I was pregnant," she told him. "After all those years, we finally succeeded. I was pregnant."

Caedmon's expression changed, some sort of mixture of shock and happiness starting to appear. "Elaris-"

"But you were dying," she rushed to add. "The only essence powerful enough to help you and strong enough to get into your body in a limited time was mine. And to be able to give you everything you needed..." Her voice caught in her throat. "It meant losing the child, Caedmon. I'm so sorry. But you're alive. You're here, and you're healthy, and the moon goddess will bless us again. We'll have another child. We know now that we're capable of conceiving-"

"You lost the baby?"

Caedmon's voice became quiet and even.

"Caedmon, I didn't have any other choice. If I hadn't-

"You didn't have a choice?" His tone got higher now, warmth entirely leaving his voice. "You made a choice, Elaris. Without me, on your own. You killed our child."

"I saved your life." Elaris felt tears gathering in her eyes, as well as in her voice. "You were dying. It was impossible to wait for you to wake up and discuss it with you. If I'd have been able to wait one more hour-"

"We tried to have that child for years!" Caedmon tightened his fists in the sheets on the bed. "For years, Elaris. Do you understand what you took from me? What you took from us?"

"I saved your life!" Her voice broke into sobs. "Caedmon, please, you have to understand-that child wasn't my choice. I loved that child as much as you. But I couldn't keep both. I had to choose, and I chose you because I love you, because I couldn't live without you-"

"That doesn't change anything." Caedmon's voice sounded cold now, colder than it had ever been before. "You had no right to take that decision on yourself. The child was mine as well."

"There wasn't any time to talk to you!" She sobbed now, helplessly. "You were unconscious! You were dying before my eyes and I had just minutes to decide-"

"I don't care." He turned his head away from her, refusing to see her. "I don't care about the reason. All I understand is that we were dreaming about that child for years, and now he's gone because of your decision."

"Caedmon, please-" she reached to touch his hand, but he immediately moved it away from her reach.

"I can't forgive you for this, Elaris." Caedmon's voice was low and quiet now. "You've saved my life, and I'm obliged to thank you for it. But each time I see you, all I will see is a child we lost because of your decision."

"What are you trying to say?" Elaris asked quietly, though somehow she understood what was coming.

"I'm saying that this is over, Elaris." Caedmon finally looked at her straight in the eyes, his expression absolutely void of everything she knew about him. "Us. Everything. I want you out of my house tomorrow."