THE WIDOW WHO NEVER WAS

ALIRA'S POV

I gazed at the results in my hands over and over again in confusion.

My hands shook violently as I read through every line carefully to make sure I wasn't reading any part wrong.

"Wh..wh..what's the mea...meaning of this doctor?? I..I.. don't...understand." I said as I stuttered.

"I am so sorry Mrs Alira but your chances of carrying a child of your own are very slim and nearly impossible....but there are other options to look at..we have surrogacy, adoptions and..."

"No!!!!! No..no..no..no..this can't be, doctor...this test is wrong!! I am sure it is...I felt something move inside of my stomach...I know I am pregnant."

"It could be gas or stress because sometimes stress can manifest physically including having abdominal sensations." The doctor said as tears welled up in my eyes.

"But why?? Why can't I ever conceive??? Why!!!!"

"Try to be calm Mrs Alira while I explain the reasons for you...remember the time you got pregnant and took some pills you mistook for vitamins that we later found out they weren't actually vitamins, the pills caused a major damage in your womb...after conducting further tests, we determined that the damage to your uterus is extensive, making it unlikely for you to carry a pregnancy to term....the scarring from the miscarriage you had have compromised the uterine lining and structure, increasing the risk of complications during pregnancy, such as miscarriage or even uterine rupture....Unfortunately, in your case, the damage is irreparable, and we cannot guarantee a safe and successful pregnancy."

At that moment, my brain wasn't processing whatever the doctor was explaining to me anymore.

I suddenly started reminiscing when I found out I was pregnant after two whole years of trying for a child.

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The happiness I felt when I rushed home to my husband to break the good news to him and the look of disappointment on his face when he said to me,

"We can't have children right now Alira, try to understand...my career is just starting to blossom...I don't want kids getting in the way of that."

The career my husband was talking about was the same career I helped him build, the same career I sacrificed my inheritance for, the same career I had sleepless nights for...it was the same career my husband said he didn't want our kids getting in the way of.

"What are you saying to me Alec?? You know I've been trying so hard to get pregnant for the past two years and this is the excitement I get from you??" I asked in disbelief.

"No my love...it's not that I am not happy about this...I really am but try to understand...I am not ready to be a Father."

"What exactly are you trying to say Alec?? I should get rid of my pregnancy?? Because if you aren't ready to be a Father, I am ready to be a Mother." I bit out in anger.

"You don't understand where I am coming from Alira and that's the problem I always have with you!! You don't try to understand me!!" Alec yelled as he ran his hand through his hair repeatedly.

"Try to understand what exactly Alec!!! Okay, let's start with this career of yours...who helped you in building it to this extent??" I asked.

"Here we go again." He said as he rolled his eyes.

"No, I want answers...I helped you!! I sacrificed a lot for you but you can't do this for me?? For us?? This is our baby for heaven's sake Alec!!! I didn't get myself pregnant!!!"

"But you wanted to get pregnant!! Did you ever deem it fit to ask me what I wanted??" Alec asked as I scoffed in disbelief.

"I should have asked you, my husband if you wanted to have kids??? After two years of marriage?? Is this making any sense to you Alec because it isn't to me!!"

"You know what, I am done having this conversation with you...congratulations on your pregnancy Mrs Alira." Alec said as he stormed out of the room.

"My pregnancy?? Oh wow...just wow!! It's now my pregnancy." I said to myself as I sat on the floor and burst into tears.

It was supposed to be a happy day for me and my husband, or so I thought but I ended up crying myself to bed that fateful day while Alec didn't come back home for two days.

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"Mrs Alira!!" The doctor called as I snapped out of my thoughts.

"Yes??" I asked as I looked at her in confusion.

"Are you okay?? You spaced out for a while."

"I am fine..do you have any other information for me??" I asked.

"No but I was suggesting that you can opt for surrogacy or..."

"I am fine, doctor...thank you...I would like to take my leave now." I said as I stood up from the chair I was seated.

"Alright Mrs Alira...take care of you." The doctor said as I nodded my head in response and walked out of her office.

As I walked slowly to my car, I couldn't help the tears that welled up in my eyes from slipping out anymore.

I had already planned on how to deliver the good news to my husband..I already booked the next available plane ticket to go back home after the hospital visit...but at the moment, I just couldn't.

"Ma'am, are we heading to the airport??" My driver asked.

"No, take me back to my hotel...I'll book another flight for tomorrow." I said as I entered the car.

The driver took me back to my hotel room as I paid for another night.

I came to the UK for an important business deal which I bagged in flying colors but when I realized I had missed my period and felt some movements in my stomach, I decided to go to the hospital for a checkup hoping to get another good news but ended up getting one that has shattered my heart.

I threw my handbag on the couch as I fell face flat on the bed.

As the tears in my eyes began to gather again, I suddenly got a phone call.

I checked the caller ID and saw that it was my younger sister calling.

"Alira!!!!" She screamed as I sat up abruptly.

"What the matter Betsy?? Why are you screaming?? What happened??" I asked in worry.

"Alira!! I am pregnant!!"

ALIRA'S POV

I wouldn't have thought that the three words, capable enough to bring happiness to my life, were also capable of bringing destruction to my life.

"Alira, are you there??" Betsy asked as I realized I was still on a call with her.

"Oh yeah yeah...emm....con.. congratulations Betsy." I said, stuttering.

"You don't sound like you are happy about this news Alira."

The truth was that deep down in my heart, I wasn't happy in the slightest about the news...I mean...I was happy that my sister was pregnant but the news just had to come at the very wrong time.

Betsy, my younger sister got married a few months after mine and although I was shocked and am still shocked about it because I could have sworn she told me she was never going to marry Liam who happened to be my old schoolmate and close friend back In the day.

Life with Betsy was a competition in which she was the only contestant because I had no time to compete with her.

Everything I wanted right from childhood, she wanted it as well and I assumed she was trying to follow her big sister's footprints but I knew otherwise when she surprised me with a huge rock on her finger a few months after my wedding from a stranger we knew nothing about.

"I am really happy for you Betsy...just a little bit tired because it's been a hectic day." I said as tears welled up in my eyes.

"Hectic day or not, it shouldn't affect your happiness for me sis...I am going to be a mother!!" She said as she squealed happily.

"Trust me when I tell you Betsy that I am happy for you...congratulations to you and Liam."

"Thank you Alira!!! I want to call Mom now and give her the good news...talk to you soon." Betsy said as she hung up the call without waiting for my response.

I sighed deeply as I shut my eyes and got lost in my thoughts again.

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"Alec, it's been two days, I've been worried sick about you!! Where have you been??" I asked my husband as he walked into the house.

"Look Alira, I don't have the strength for your tantrums today...I am a grown man and so I can leave the house and come back any day or anytime I like."

"Alec, you are a grown married man!! You can leave and come back to the house any day or anytime as you like..." I said as I took a deep breath.

I knew arguments weren't going to solve anything and I didn't have the strength for it and so I walked closer to him and placed my hand on his chest.

"What happened to us Alec?? You have been treating me so differently since I announced my pregnancy to you...what's happening ??" I asked with a soft tone.

"Nothing." Alec muttered.

"Alright, what do you want??" I asked.

"What I want Alira is for you to get rid of your pregnancy, can you do that for me??" Alec asked as my hands suddenly dropped down from his chest while I gazed at him with a shocked expression on my face.

I couldn't say anything because my brain wasn't processing anything at that moment and so Alec shook his head and walked away.

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My phone rang again as I snapped out of my thoughts.

This time around, it was my mother calling...what a coincidence.

"Hello mom."

"Alira, where are you??" She asked.

"I am out of the country mom...I came for an important business meeting."

"You should be heading back home by now!! Your sister Betsy is pregnant and needs all the care and assistance she can get from you!!"

"What exactly are you trying to say mother?? That I should travel back home to be a maid to Betsy who literally just announced her pregnancy to me a few minutes ago?? Besides, isn't that the job of her husband??" I asked.

"Why are you such a bitter soul Alira?? Was it your sister's fault that you couldn't keep your own pregnancy??"

And that was the question that suddenly reopened my old scar.

"How can you say such a thing to your own child?? You of all people know very well how I lost my pregnancy mom!! Did you have to rub it in my face??!!" I yelled as tears slipped down my face.

"I only asked you a simple question Alira...anyway, if you aren't coming then stay exactly where you are...you have never been useful anyway." My mother said as she hung up the call.

That was the person who was supposed to be my support system...the one I was supposed to call to inform her of the bad news I heard today just so as to get her words of encouragement but if she could just say such a thing to me, I couldn't begin to imagine what she would have said after I told her about my inability to carry my own kids.

The tears that welled up in my eyes didn't have enough holding capacity anymore to store them as they continued slipping out.

I dialed my husband's number to talk to him and see if it would make me feel better but he didn't pick up his calls...the whole six times I called.

I ended up crying myself to bed and very early the next day, I took the first available flight back to the US.

As soon as I landed, I didn't even go home to drop my things... I headed straight to Betsy's house to be a supportive sister.

I knew the kind of Mother I had so well as to know that she would literally tell everyone that needed to know that I was a terrible person for not coming to see Betsy.

As soon as I got to her house, the door was weirdly opened and I assumed she must have had some visitors.

I walked towards the living room and just before I got there, I overheard Betsy's conversation with my Mother.

"Betsy, you still haven't told me who the Father of your child is...because I remember vividly that you told me Liam was unable to get you pregnant due to some health complications." My mother said as I looked on in confusion.

I didn't understand what was going on and so I decided to stay back and hear more of the conversation.

"I don't think you need to know who the Father of my child is." Betsy said.

"What are you saying Betsy?? You got pregnant by a random man??!!"

"I didn't get pregnant by any random man!! I am not a whore Mother." Betsy bit out.

"Then who is the Father of your child??!!"

"It's Alec."

ALIRA'S POV

"It's Alec." Betsy bit out.

At that moment, it felt like I was being poured ice water and I instantly started shivering.

"Which Alec??" My mother asked.

"How many Alecs do we have mother??"

"Wait, are you trying to tell me that you are pregnant for your sister's husband??"

"He was mine first before he met Alira...and as far as I am concerned, I don't acknowledge that sham of a marriage." Betsy said.

I was patiently waiting for my Mother's response....I was waiting for her to say something...to defend my honor...to call Betsy back to order.

"Well, if that's the case then it's fine...i'm glad you could give him what Alira couldn't give to him." My Mother said as I almost dropped down to the ground.

"Well I kinda have a secret to share with you Mother but promise you wouldn't say anything to anyone." Betsy said.

"Tell me anything dear... I am all ears."

"When Alira was pregnant for the first time, Alec told me about it and said he didn't want his child coming from her and he said Alira was too stubborn to take it out and so I suggested that he did the job himself...he switched her vitamin pills with the wrong drugs which caused her to have a miscarriage." Betsy said.

I didn't breathe.

The moment I heard it, my lungs locked up like they didn't belong to me anymore.

I didn't even move...I couldn't.

My back stayed pressed flat against the wall and my spine was too rigid to bend, too fragile to bear the weight of what I'd just heard.

Every part of me was shaking, but from the outside, I must've looked like a statue molded in disbelief.

I wrapped my arms around myself without realizing it, like I needed something...anything... to hold me together.

My eyes just stared, wide and dry, fixed on nothing.

I couldn't cry too....The tears were there, but shock had wedged itself between me and the ability to feel them fall.

My own heartbeat became the loudest thing in the room and still, I stood there....silent, hidden, unraveling inch by inch.

"As much as that is too extreme, it still serves Alira right for always acting like he knows it all...but what about Liam?? What are you going to do about him??"

"Liam is a fool Mother....he will do whatever I tell him due to his love for me.. he's like my puppet." Betsy said as her and my Mother burst into laughter.

I turned around and went back back slowly into my car parked outside.

"Where are we headed madam??" My driver asked.

"Home." I said.

The drive back home was quiet...but the noise in my head was loud...too loud that it could make one go crazy.

As soon as we arrived, I came down from the car, walked into the house and headed straight to Alec and I's room.

He wasn't around and so I freshened up and sat on the couch in the room waiting patiently for him.

I didn't cry, I didn't get mad...I just sat down still and wallowed through the storm raging inside of me.

Three hours later, I was still in the same spot..I didn't move and I didn't change position and then Alec walked into the room humming a song and smiling like he won a lottery...he definitely just won a lottery indeed.

"What's with the excitement?? Heard some good news??" I asked with a blank expression on my face.

"Oh Alira?? You are back...you didn't inform me you were coming back today." Alec said.

"You haven't answered my question Alec...heard some good news??"

"You are acting strange Alira."

"Am I??"

"Hmm...Anyway I did hear some exciting news but I will share it with you when the time is right." Alec said.

"Our mistress is pregnant right??" I asked with a smile on my face while the smile of Alec's face dropped.

"What?? I..I...d..do.. don't understand." Alec said, stuttering.

"You don't understand??? What part of what I just said do you not understand Alec?? The mistress part or the pregnancy part??" I asked.

"Both."

"Okay, let me carefully explain to you...but before then I have some good news for you." I said as I stood up.

"What good news??"

"I was at the hospital In the UK yesterday and was told by the doctor that I wouldn't be able to ever carry a child...in other words I can't bear children."

"How is that good news??!!" Alec bit out.

"Oh it is for you because that's what you have always wanted."

"Alira..."

"No, let me finish....so after hearing the bad news, Betsy called me and informed me that she was pregnant and so I headed straight to her house from the airport to celebrate with her but I heard something very interesting from her and my Mother's conversation." I said as I began laughing.

"Stop acting like a maniac and tell me what you heard!!"

"Betsy said she was pregnant for Alec and the only Alec I know of is you." I said as I gazed intensely at Alec's eyes.

At first I saw a shock in his eyes and it was quickly replaced by anger.

"That's a bloody lie from the pit of hell!! I am not responsible for her pregnancy!!"

"Oh relax Alec..the party's just getting started...I thought that was the most interesting part of their conversation but she said something else that was more interesting...she said when I was pregnant with our child, you asked her to replace my vitamin pills with something else which led to my miscarriage.... very interesting."

"Alira...Alira..listen to me...I can explain."

"Of course you can...so please explain to me Alec because my ears are itching to hear it." I said with a smile so deadly but full of pains and scars.

Alec opened his mouth severally but empty words flew out.

" I just have one question for you Alec."

"What??"

"Why did you marry me?? Why did you propose to me if you were in love with anyone?? Why??"

"I am not in love with Betsy!! I only fell victim to her desperation, Alira..that is the truth."

"Interesting...so you tricked one sister into marriage and the other into being a mistress even while she's married."

"Alira...wait...that's not..."

"You are free to be with your mistress...I only have one thing to do and that is to report a case of murder to the authorities because you murdered my child and you will pay dearly for it." I said as I walked out of the room.

"Alira...please listen to me!! I swear I didn't mean to hurt you....Alira?? Alira??"

I shut down my heart, my head and my ears as I walked down the stairs because I didn't want to hear anything from Alec's mouth.

I was halfway down the stairs when I felt it.

A presence behind me and then, a shove.

Not a stumble and not a mistake but a push by the hands I knew and force I didn't expect.

My balance snapped out from under me as the world tilted violently.

I didn't scream...there wasn't time.

My breath caught somewhere between my throat and my terror.

The first impact was thunder, the second, a bolt of white-hot pain up my spine and the third... I didn't feel.

Everything slowed as I felt my body crumple at the base, limbs twisted in angles that didn't feel like mine.

I blinked once, maybe twice.

Then... nothing.

Only silence and as I welcomed darkeness.