THE ELITE'S TABOO LOVE

With a fresh layer of snow covering the tarmac and making the roadways slick, the Subaru station wagon slides to a stop in a parking space in front of the Balsam County police station.

And when I realize that my own mother has fooled me, my stomach drops.

"Whatever happened to going to the mall, Mom?" She hasn't said anything since we backed out of the driveway, so I assumed she was mad at me. She generally is these days.

Did you really think we'd just go shopping and act like nothing happened? She continues to stare forward as she says, "I had to get you in the car somehow."

I've seen her use the same ruse on Bingo, our golden lab. His tail wags and his tongue lolls as he joyfully climbs into the backseat, thinking he's heading to the park, only to find himself at the veterinarian. Every darn year, people fall for it.

A visit to the vet is far better than this.

She deactivates the engine and releases her seatbelt. "Okay. You are aware of our purpose.

She reaches over and activates the seat belt release button for me when I forget to do so. Her tone is worn out, and she has a hard look. "I called the police yesterday to report Mr. Philips. We're going in there and you're telling them everything right now because they need your statement.

"But . . ." At the same time that heat rises up my neck, my stomach drops. "You said you wouldn't do this," I said.

"Vanessa, I made no such pledge."

God, oh, my God. Before Sam pushes me inside, I must warn her.

She seems to be able to read my thinking. My phone is snatched from my hand by her.

"Mine, that is! Return it!" I reach out to grab it, but she clings to it tightly and slaps my hands away.

"This will be needed as evidence by the police."

That is a breach of my privacy, you know. I'm doing my best to present a composed yet resolute façade. I'm screaming within. Because I should have destroyed the proof that was on my phone. Sam instructed me to erase that, and I convinced him that I had done so, but I hadn't done it all yet. Not the one when he said I was gorgeous. I enjoy rereading that one while I'm curled up in bed.

"Simply end this now. Hello, Mom. Or perhaps we could go visit the principle. If he feels that Sam has to be fired, let him. Okay?" I scream.

My mother's face twitches. "His father is the principal. His uncle serves as the superintendent. And a balsam is his mother! You believe they'll want word of this to spread? They would just manage to brush this under the rug.

Which is exactly what Sam and I were hoping for when, two nights ago, my mother heard me tiptoeing down the stairs and silently followed me outside and around the corner to where Sam was waiting for me in his car. She was wearing her nightgown and housecoat at the time.

I'm not sure which enraged her more-that she discovered me sneaking out to meet up with my English teacher, or that I tried to convince her, while standing on a sidewalk at one in the morning, that "he's helping me with my assignment over spring break."

Additionally, it's too late. Police are looking into it. She exhales slowly and deeply. I must fulfill a commitment, Vanessa. When they learn that their adolescent daughter had been exploited by a thirty-year-old man, good parents are supposed to respond in this way.

I restrain myself from rolling my eyes. That will only enrage her further. "Nothing took place. In addition, the legal consent age is sixteen. Stop portraying him as some filthy old man. Sam is charming and entertaining and looks to be in his early twenties. He rides a motorcycle, is dressed in ripped jeans and Vans, and enjoys The Hives and Kings of Leon. I'm not the only female in my class who has fallen for him. Since the first day I sat in his class, I've been smitten with him.

He is your instructor! What kind of moron do you think I am, by the way? Stop lying to me; I am aware of everything that is happening. She grabs for the handle on her door.

And I understand that if I keep denying it, we won't get anywhere with her.

"But Mom," you say. I grab her forearm and can feel my muscles tensing up. I'm trying to control the trembling in my lower lip. "Please. I cherish him. And he cherishes me. As he informed me. After school is out, we have hushed conversations while he helps me with my college application portfolio in between stolen kisses. The two times I've managed to elude them and ride my bike to see him, there have been loud screaming in between our tangled breaths.

Before her eyes become harsh, there is just the slightest hint of sympathy in them. Vanessa, you're only sixteen years old. Simply said, there is a crush. It won't continue. It isn't true.

"This is different," you say.

"Everything he has said to you and every promise he has made has been a lie. He will tell you anything you want to hear if it means he would have sex with you because you are a beautiful, young girl.

"You're mistaken,"

Vanessa, it doesn't matter if I am because you are not allowed to be with him.

"You just... are impossible!" My cheeks boil with anger as I slap the dashboard with my palms. She is not attentive. How I feel is unimportant to her. She doesn't care if he makes me happy.

Her attention is now fixed on the tiny layer of snowflakes that is adhering to the windscreen. In the five minutes it took to get there, the automobile didn't even have time to warm up. "One day, you'll see I'm correct. You need to quit being so egotistical right now.

Selfish! But nobody is getting hurt, are they?

"Really? What do you suppose this situation will do to our family? We must all reside here. Additionally, your sister and brother must attend the same high school. The rumors, the chatter, the. She exhales heavily. "I'm sure questions regarding our parenting skills have already been raised. After this, we will be discussed at every dinner table from Sterling to Belmont.

Yes, since you made a report on us. I'm amazed she's not just as keen to keep this quiet as Sam and I are considering how concerned she is with her image.

"Goddammit, Vanessa!" My mother loses it. "You want to be treated like an adult so badly. Act as if you deserve it by proving it to me. Be accountable for your own actions.

"Fine! I'll wrap it up with him. I am aware that the vow is meaningless even as I yell the words. Sam and I are not concluding anything.

Oh, well, it's coming to an end. And maybe a long time from now, when you become a parent, you'll comprehend why I'm doing this.

One day, when you have children... Her party line is "because I said so," followed by that. She wasn't always seventeen and in love, though. "You can't pull this off. His life will be ruined by you. What if they imprison him?

If he is taking advantage of his students, then that is where he belongs.

"He is not exploiting anyone,"

"Please. You are the target today, and tomorrow it will be a naive fifteen-year-old.

She doesn't say it, but I can infer that I'm not entirely innocent.

I exhale a sigh. "It happened only once."

She furiously shakes her head. "Has this been going on ever since you broke up with that boy?"

I turn my head away.

Why didn't you just stay with him, I asked?

What? "You despised Eric," The day I told Mom I was breaking up with my cigarette-smoking, Mohawk-sporting ex-by far my longest relationship before Sam-she was the happiest I've ever seen her. She didn't even inquire as to why or my wellbeing. She was apathetic.

She murmurs, "I'd welcome him back with open arms at this point."

I said, "I don't want Eric." Since the day I stopped things, I haven't thought about him once. I'm not sure what I ever saw in him, looking back. In 10 years, he'll probably still be playing video games and bagging groceries at Weiss because he's failing half of his classes.

He and the previous boyfriends I've had are not something I want. They are all exactly the same. Boys.

Sam is a man, and he gives me a sense of intelligence, beauty, and talent. He treats me like I'm on par with him. We discuss a wide range of topics, including music, art, and locations around the globe that he wants me to visit with him. He makes me consider the future.

Our upcoming. Philadelphia will be our new home once I graduate the following year. Sam will be hired as a teacher there, and I'll be attending an art college. He has assisted me in building my portfolio. Mom, you need to see it; it's awesome. The angle is correct here. She only discusses college at home.

Where are you applying, Vanessa?

With these grades, Vanessa, you won't be accepted anywhere respectable.

Vanessa, you need a college education to succeed.

Sighing, she looks down at her lap.

I said we were in love. I pause to breathe. Perhaps all of this is a fear tactic. She would sigh once more before instructing me to fasten my seatbelt once more and-

"Leave the vehicle. They anticipate us.

My cheeks are flushed with hot tears. When Dad learns that you brought me here, what will he do? We both understand that I'm now clinging to thin air. She may have informed him her plan because Mom and Dad were arguing about me last night in private. Even though he didn't agree with her, he knew that she would go ahead and do what she wanted to. She is just like that.

It's telling that he wasn't home this morning. Not that he was ever really around to begin with.

Without saying a word, she grabs her purse and auto keys before exiting the vehicle.

I consider taking a stand and holding the door locks down, but I am aware that this would be ineffective. Hildy Wright constantly succeeds in getting her way.

I then open the car door after wiping away my tears with the back of my palm. "I despise you!" I shout, slamming the door shut with all of my might and rage.

I may still be able to run.

Can they really force me to speak?

Should I hire a lawyer?

My back tenses as loud footsteps crunch through the snow behind me. "Is everything okay here?" Sheriff Kerby poses the query in his soothing, strong voice.

I agree, Marvin. We're only here to hear Vanessa's statement. For twenty years, Mom and the sheriff have played in the same bowling league. Of course she would approach him first.

I inhale deeply and turn to face the elder man, who has red cheeks from the bone-chilling winter weather. He smiles kindly, but I don't fall for it. He's about to assist my mum in wrecking the rest of my life.

But, I remind myself, the Philipses do hold a lot of power here. People also adore Sam. They adored him when he led the Balsam High baseball team to a state title, and they adore him even more now that he moved back home to teach here after giving up a teaching position in Philadelphia. Perhaps that will be sufficient to have the upcoming false accusations dropped. Sam remarked that since it is only a misdemeanor in law and those are frequently dismissed, perhaps nothing significant will result from it. Then we will finally laugh. And after we relocate to Philadelphia?

My mother will have passed away.

I march up the steps to the station with grim purpose and what feels like a lead ball in my stomach.

She is mistaken. I was supposed to be with Sam.

It is actual.

And I'm not going to ever forget what she did.

As I silently watch Lou Green drag her pen down the length of my resume, I sit with my hands folded in front of me, battling the impulse to curl up in my chair. Mex advised me that, with her stern face and tough tone, the owner of Diamonds would come across as a little scary.

I've been nervous all yesterday night and this morning since I need this job so badly. By the time I entered the diner fifteen minutes ago, my stomach was churning quickly enough to produce butter from the buzzing voices, banging pots, and strong aroma of heated pancakes and sizzling bacon.

Lou is interviewing me in a booth right in the heart of the action, so it doesn't help that countless pairs of eyes may look at me carelessly-some just passing looks, some openly looking.

Are they consistently so keen in hiring new employees? Or is it merely a curiosity about me, the high school slut who attempted to imprison Sam Philips?

Lou says so directly, "So you've never worked as a waitress," that I'm not sure if she's just reporting a fact or highlighting a reason why this interview should finish at this point.

Yes, ma'am. But I pick things up quickly.

She says dryly, more to herself, "Aren't they all." "You're residing with Mex?""

I nod. In the apartment she lives with her long-haul truck driving father, who visits once a month, "for about three months now." On the day of my seventeenth birthday, my mother could no longer coerce me into staying in my parents' home, so I moved out. She is required by law to provide for her children until they reach adulthood. Additionally, Hildy Wright is a law expert.

"How is that going?"Lou enquires.

For the most part, "Fine." Mex isn't the most knowledgeable tool in the toolbox, and she never stops talking, which is a nightmare in the morning when I prefer to have my coffee in peace and quiet and she is bouncy. She gave me a place to live, and if I get this job, she'll be the reason, so I can't really complain. She's also pretty much the only friend I still have.

I can only guess at Lou's thoughts on Mex based on the look on her face. Though she hasn't fired her and has complied with her request to interview me, her opinion can't be entirely terrible.

"I see that from November of last year until March, you worked as a cashier at the Weiss in Balsam."

"Yes. That's accurate. for five months.

"What transpired?"

I swallow the knot building in my stomach as I recall the time my manager, Sally Graph, called me into her office to give me my vacation money and advise me that it would be best if I stopped coming in because of the circumstances in my personal life. This, after giving me a positive employee review just one month prior. The worst part is that it's the only grocery store in Balsam, so I have to shop there.

"I'll work any shifts you need me to. midnights and early mornings. ..I'm trying to sound as non-desperate as possible, but I don't think I'm succeeding. However, companies could prefer desperate workers because we'll put up with almost anything. And I am willing to put up with almost anything. Mex earns a good living off tips. The kind of money I need to start saving and leaving Balsam County as soon as I can. For months, I've been looking for a job here.

How do you plan to get here? Do you own a vehicle?"

"For now, with Mex. Diamonds is fifteen minutes away by car on Route 33 from Balsam, which is too far to get by bicycle. I reasoned that I could buy something reasonably priced after some time.

The focus of Lou's pen returns to my studies. She grimaces. You haven't completed high school, do you?"

The response is "No, ma'am."

She looks up at me through thick-rimmed glasses, her mouse-brown wavy hair cropped short around her face. It's difficult to say, but if I had to estimate, I'd say she's in her mid-fifties. "Are you unaware of the significance of getting a high school diploma?"

I spit to fight the mounting embarrassment. "Yes, but. ..I considered lying on my resume about taking a year off, but Mex forewarned me that Lou would fire me for lying if she ever found out.

Furthermore, Lou undoubtedly knows about "the Philips mess," as my mother loves to refer to it. Everyone in this area is aware of it. Since Sam was arrested nine months ago, it has been a topic of conversation on the local news.

"Are people making it difficult for you?She asks the question, but I have the impression that she is already aware of the answer.

I nod.

"That whole business with that teacher is . .Lou purses her lips, and I grit my teeth, waiting for her to say something like, "What kind of girl are you?You should be ashamed of yourself," or give me a severe frown. She wouldn't be the first-far from it. that seems like I've heard that a lot and from everyone, especially after the charges against him were dropped and I changed my story ten days later after learning that no DA would force a seventeen-year-old "victim" to testify. At the store, where members of Sam's family and friends have repeatedly walked by me and made remarks about how I ought to be punished for attempting to harm his name, how I ought to hang out with boys my own age, and how I ought to learn how to close my legs.