THE DAZZLING SHADES OF WHITE- A Love Story

Convergence.

White and black, light and darkness, love and hate.

How much more must one endure before all is lost? Until hope is vaporized and all that is left is a hollow shell.

The soul weeps and wants to escape but how can it when human emotion controls it? It is caged and its wings are forever ripped apart and chances of it being free is close to something impossible; could it still live?

When all faith fades and wastes away in a fiery flame, what is left; nothing but ashes, But. . . . Can a Phoenix arise from the ashes? Can something new emerge?

Can my darker shades be transformed into dazzling bright shades if white?

"khadijah!"

I don't want to believe. I don't want to rekindle my faith ever again but at this moment, the only thing I can think of is; God, please don't let this really happen to me!

I was powerless. In front of my very eyes, I saw my wife and child get squished off.

My feet couldn't move as I saw the events take place in seconds as my mind tried to grip the reality of the situation.

My body was numb and I was frozen; unable to do anything.

After I don't know how long, the background that had faded returned of the screams and shouts of the people all around me and my senses kicked in and my legs automatically carried me to where they were.

No.

No.

No!

As i approached Khadijah who had fallen all curled up as her arms were would around Huria delicate figure.

"Khadijah?" I her in my arms. Her body was completely lifeless and unmoving.

"No!" I screamed at the top of my lungs as I held on to them. Huria wasn't physically hurt but she was also lifeless.

People came and tried to separate my family from me but I clung onto them but soon enough the people from the hospital caught me as I struggled against their restraint as I saw them take Khadijah and Huria inside.

"Get the fuck off of me!" I demanded but their grip on me only got tighter as they took control of me. When I managed to get them off of me I ran to the ER where I say from a distance as many people worked on her. I backed up by a wall as I was getting too overwhelmed.

Why was this happening to me again? I knew that everything was happening all of a sudden and it was all too good to be true but why?

Just when I was thinking that I actually deserve this happiness and a new life with a new hope for he future, something went wrong.

"Get the paddles!" I heard someone scream and that's when I realized that the electric paddles where being pushed onto Khadijah's chest and how her lifeless body jerked up on the stretcher. I watched helpless from the other side of the glass as my chest got tighter and tighter as I watched the monitor of the cardiogram showing a flat line for Huria as well as Khadijah.

My heart felt like bursting as a nurse draped a cloth on my baby girls body. The doctors were still trying to bring Khadijah back as they started CRS on her.

At that moment, I felt completely lost and hollow. My world had not only crashed down but for the first time, I felt myself suffocate with overbearing feeling of loss and a void engulfed me.

I sank into the deepest chasms of darkness and despair.

When Cassandra a died, I felt my world had ended with her but when Khadijah came in my life and gave me happiness, something that I had forgotten and given up on. Khadijah had given me more than what Cassandra could've ever given me; a warm home, a loving atmosphere, a beautiful life and dreams- something that I had forgotten for so long; something that I had never experienced before in my life.

My legs were shaking. My cheeks felt hot and wet? What is it? I touched it and felt the wetness.

Tears? I was crying? Was I that broken?

Khadijah, you broke me and the barrier that I had build around myself for so long. Everything that happened to me so far; my past was nothing as compared to these moments of anguish.

"Mr. Atish." Someone shook my shoulder and I realized that I had slumped down yo the floor and was lying limp and numb.

I glanced at my wrist watch, it has been four hours? I couldn't find the strength in myself to stand then I noticed Larry was also here and he helped me up.

"You can see your wife now. We have shiftes her to the ICU, " she said. "We weee anle to save only uour wife. Your daughter died instantly so I'm so sorry." She passed her condolences but it seemed so bleak to me.

"We were barely able to save your wife. She had died for thirteen minutes but thankfully we were able to bring her back but because she was hemorrhaging very badly, she has slipped into a coma and if she wakes up, there is a high probability that she might suffer from amnesia. The accident has felt her body scarred and battered and. . . ., " she kept on speaking and explaining but her voice had faded away in the background.

Huria; my darling baby girl, my doll, I will never be able to hold you again. You were like a shinning ray of light for both me and Khadijah but you are now gone. I wanted to love you and spoil you with all of my heart; I wanted to play with you and watch you grow up, see you dressed up and look like the envy and pride of a dotting father. But you are gone now, how will I ever face your mother; she will fall into the deepest depths of desolation that even I have wouldn't be able to bring her back.

And Khadijah, is it too late now?

Am I too late to tell you how I felt about you and what you meant to me? Am I too late to tell you what you are to me? When you wake up and you don't remember anything; will you forget about me and Huria? Will you forget about all the good times that we have had together along with all the hardships that we faced together?

I don't know whether this would be good or not.

Would I want you to forget everything? The good, the bad and the ugly?

No!

Khadijah, what should I do now? I don't know who to ask for help.

Khadijah, now is the moment that I want to say so badly; I love you.

I love you with all my heart and I need you. I want you and I will never be ungrateful again but Khadijah, please!

Please wake up.

Oh, who should I ask for help because there is nothing that I can do about it. Again, I can't do anything.

What should I do now? I feel like killing myself.

Salam guys

So this is the first chappie of the throw book. Inshaa Allah I will update by Sunday Ok :-) vote and comment

And I'm afraid that the chapters will be short because I'm updating from my cell phone.

My life in China has finally settled down and Alhamdulillah m happy now. Please pray for me guys.

Love you all.

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I entered the room and the scene that was in front of me was devastating painful- I felt like the very core of my being was burning and dying a die by a thousand cuts over and over again.

Khadijah; my love, my life and my hope was lying lifeless and motionless. I couldn't believe that my wife was lying in this haggard condition-her face heavily bruised and bashed; her eyes completely hidden away in the black bruises and the swelling around her eye sockets. Her beautiful cheeks and clear skin was completely blemished with clots and cuts that just looking at her made me feel like throwing up but I managed to keep myself together. I clenched my hands into fists and drew the courage to walk to her side. More than half of her body was covered in white caste.

Oh Khadijah.

My sweet lovely Khadijah.

Now I regret every moment that I had called you an idiot or ever thought of you as useless. Now I realize that without you, I just can't find the will to live anymore.

I carefully lifted my hand and caressed the back of my finger's slowly on her left cheek that was bare. My chest got so tight that it was almost impossible for me to breath now.

"Her pulse weak, " I heard a woman tell me. I raised my head and viewed the monitor that detected her heart beat. It was very slow and below normal.

"The doctors have put her on a ventilator as her right lung has collapsed. So we need to prep her for surgery." She informed me and forwarded a clip board to me.

"We need your consent." She said. I gazed at the papers blankly until I felt her light touch on my shoulder. I quietly took the pen and signed it.

"I'm sure that everything will be alright; we are doing the best that we can and leave the rest in God's hands." She said and tried to comfort me but her words were close to meaningless to me.

"Son, all you can do now is pray." She said and left.

Pray?

To whom?

Who would listen to me? Me, the notorious Shehzad Atish who was always up to mischief. Me who never feared any one and had nothing to lose. Me, who thought that I could have anything and everything that I want as long as I could set my mind on it and fight for it. . . . but why is it that I cannot fight fate?

Why didn't I see this coming?

I thought that I had nothing to lose but in a blink of an eye, I lost the most precious things that I ever ask for-I lost both the two shinning rays of light in my otherwise gloomy world.

After they had taken Khadijah to the operation theatre, I went to see Huria.

As I removed the blanket from her face; I couldn't help but break down in tears. The face that was once so cheerful and tranquil was now silent and inert.

A few drops of my tears fell on her pale cold face as I bent down to kiss her forehead. I took her carefully in my hands and clung her to my chest.

What happened to us all of a sudden Khadijah?

I sat on a nearby rocker and began to swing slowly as I hummed the lullaby that Khadijah had once played and closed my eyes, surrendering myself to the mercy of my peaceful memories.

"Shehzad, what do you think? Do you suppose that the baby will like it?" she asked as she finished playing her violin.

I smiled warmly at her and caught her by her waist.

"I don't know; you tell me?" I said. She narrowed her eyes meekly as the cute little dimple on her right cheek appeared. She is just so cute. I brushed my lips slowly against hers as my hands travelled on her belly. She chuckled against my lips as my fingers walked on her belly and caused her to tickle. Her belly button area was always a sensitive spot as the nape of her neck.

I quickly took her in my arms; despite being pregnant, I didn't feel any change in her weight as I took her to her armchair near the window where the sun light filtered the most and sat at her feet and wound my arms around her stomach.

I could sleep forever in that position; although I couldn't hear the baby's heartbeat but I could feel its warmth.

Khadijah softly caressed my hair and passed her fingers through it-it made me feel so at peace and a certain serenity shrouded my entire being. I still couldn't believe that I was about to become a father. I was very happy and I had never thought that I would feel this happiness again.

When had told me that she was pregnant, I felt two things-one was anger that why didn't she tell me sooner and the other was surprise; was I prepared to be a father-though I had wanted to be one so badly in order to fulfill my goal of getting the Chairman's position but strangely now that I am actually going to become a father, the feeling is completely overwhelming and now I feel kind of unprepared. I didn't anticipate it so soon but now that it has been done, I'm sort of intimidated. I want to give my child all that I could never have as a child-loving parents, a mother who would devote herself to the welfare of her children and a father who would always be there whenever his child would need him. I most certainly didn't want to end up becoming like my father who didn't care about his family at all and focus all of his energy on his work and career.

"Khadijah?" I murmured.

"Hmm, yes." She replied.

"I want to make a promise with you." I declared and straightened up. Her eyes glimmered with joy as I took her hands in mine.

"The baby is due any day now so I want to make this promise before the baby comes, " I said.

"Boy, you sure look so serious about it." she joked. I frowned and she cleared her throat and nodded.

"I want to promise you that from now, you won't here any complaint from me. From now on, you and the bay will always come first." I pronounced fearlessly. A solemn look crept her features and she squeezed my hands.

"Shehzad, please don't make any promises that I know you won't be able to keep." She stated firmly with a hint of discontentment lacing her tone; I know why she feels the way she feels and I don't blame; I have caused her to suffer and get hurt so much all because she expected so much out me and I always disappointed her.

I squeezed her hands; the wedding band around her ring finger shone brilliantly in the sunlight.

"Yeah I know what you mean, " I mumbled. "But still I'm very serious." I said and looked at her earnestly.

"Why? What about your goal?" she asked with disbelief.

I smiled. "I don't care now. What I have now is far more important than any goal or agenda." I said. in her eyes, the doubt lurked but she grinned none the less.

"I've decided to let my hate and thirst for revenge go so that we can live peacefully. As long as I cling to them, we won't be able to live in peace so from now onwards, I give up on anything that will endanger me or you or hurt our family. I have finally found a place for myself in this world again thanks to you and I don't ever want to give it up." I said.

"I will protect the two of you." I avowed. She touched my cheek and her soft brown eyes melted like chocolate.

And yet. . . . . I couldn't even keep that promise.

I opened my eyes and saw my daughter's face.

"I'm so sorry. Your father is so useless. I couldn't even protect you." I grumbled and broke into tears, my sobs quiet and hushed.

I lost my ray of hope and now. . . . I'm practically hopeless.

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