THE BILLIONAIRE'S REMORSE

Judith's POV

"Where's the groom?"

"It's running late; we can't spend the whole day here without anything happening." The people in the crowd murmured and complained, with heavy frowns on their faces.

"Will the wedding still hold, or have I been dumped?" That was the only thought going through my head as I stood on the altar. Whispers were flying around, adding to the discomfort I already felt. I knew what was going through the minds of the guests seated in the beautiful Holy Trinity Anglican Church in Rome.

It's amazing that I had the presence of mind to observe the structure and interior of the church in such a situation. If not for the presence of so many people, I would have wanted to give myself a round of applause. At least I proved that people can still spare their energy for other things in extremely stressful situations. So... why is my fiancé not returning messages or showing up?

The head officiating minister walked towards me. "We are running really late, Judith; I'd have canceled this whole thing hours ago if you weren't a devoted member of this church," he whispered angrily before dashing out almost immediately.

"I'm sure he is almost here," I confidently said, but deep down, I didn't even know what was going on.

Today has always been the day I have looked forward to all my life-me getting married to the man of my dreams-but it seems like I've lost it all and it's on the brink of ruin.

I struggled in my huge wedding dress and looked over the huge church windows for the hundredth time. I ran my eyes across the fancy wall clock. It's almost noon, and my groom isn't here yet. It's two hours past the scheduled time for our wedding ceremony.

I kept reassuring everybody that he'd be there soon, but in reality, I had no way to reach him. As I turned over to look back inside the church, I saw my best friend and chief bridesmaid, Vanessa, walk towards me.

"Hey, Judith". The look she gave me depicted sadness and disappointment. "I have tried calling Felix and some of his friends, but their phones aren't connecting. I don't know, but I'm certain they probably got stuck in traffic and should be here soon."

"Soon, Vanessa?" I repeated. "It's almost 12 p.m., and look at the seats-they are almost empty; some of the guests have already left." Anger was already brewing in me.

She looked around and said, "I just hope they are fine." She moved closer and drew me into a warm hug.

I saw Felix in the early hours of today, and for some unknown reason, both his presence and action made me feel somewhat uneasy, but I just waved it off, thinking it was the wedding stress that had put him in bad shape.

No matter how good things are worth waiting for, are love and weddings also the same? I waited for years to find the man, and I was really sure of his love and unwavering support. Am I supposed to wait for hours on the altar too? I'm sure this is not how it's done for other women; their groom will probably be the one waiting for them instead.

"Why am I so unlucky with everything?" I lamented inwardly and cleaned up the tear that escaped from my eyes.

At this time, my tightly held heart seemed to relax a little. Perhaps all this is just my over-anxiety. Perhaps he really happened to be trapped by something. I should wait for the solution, and I shouldn't try to allow the situation to cloud my sense of reasoning or make me lose the faith I have in my man. "I hope he is safe." I prayed silently, reassuring myself.

"I got a message. I got a message!" I excitedly tapped Vanessa and held my phone so she could see it too.

"This should be good news," Vanessa exclaimed.

The smile that had just unfolded at the news was fixed for a moment and then cracked and disintegrated a little by little as I read the content of the message.

"What?" I yelled.

"What did it say, Ju?"

I couldn't say anything. I handed the phone over to Vanessa, and she read it out loud, but only loud enough for me to hear.

"I won't be coming; don't wait for me. I can't just forget what happened that night, and I'm sorry for dumping you like this. This is a situation I have no control over.

For a moment, a buzzing sound filled my ears, and I could no longer hear anything. For a moment, the world seemed to stand still, with only the low, slow heartbeat as a reminder that I was still alive and that I hadn't been detached from this world. I looked at Vanessa's mouth moving, but I couldn't hear or read what she was saying. My eyes are a little out of focus, and my pupils are also a little dilated, as if I were immediately dying. But the slow, firm beating heartbeat tells me that death is not so easy-this damn heartbeat.

"Ju," Vanessa called out to me. I came back to my senses and saw Vanessa looking at me worriedly and handing me a wad of tissues. I still didn't understand what she wanted to do. It wasn't until I felt the salty, bitter taste in my mouth and touched my cheeks that I realized I was already covered in tears. I opened my mouth to tell her I was fine, but I couldn't make a sound. I could only force out a smile, but from her expression, I guess it was worse than crying.

Maybe I don't deserve to be happy. Maybe I don't deserve it. I must have offended the universe, which made it decide to punish me. Maybe I'm not just meant to be happy since that night. It's my destiny to always desire happiness and peace and never get them.

Since I was younger, I have always tried to have my best morals so I can benefit from the beautiful things that come to good people. But it seems the universe rejoices over my sadness. Even in high school, after losing my father and things becoming tougher, I refused to compromise my standards, stood my ground, and never defiled myself.

I was a bit skeptical when Felix came along and professed his undying love for me, but since I have always wanted to love and be loved, I embraced his feelings, and we got entangled with each other. I discovered he was everything I had ever wanted and more before I finally accepted his marriage proposal.

A surge of relief finally weighed on me, as I had thought I would now be happy and fulfilled, not knowing my joy would be cut short and leave me in a more devastating state.

I was still wallowing in my sadness when a wave of exhaustion came over me. I collapsed on the altar with a sudden discharge of strength. In the last moment of unconsciousness, I looked towards the door of the auditorium and saw vaguely a familiar figure-my mother-running towards me.

I struggled to open my eyes to an unfamiliar environment. It was the hospital. The smell of disinfectant in the air is a bit pungent, but it's reassuring at the moment, as I felt a breath of fresh air, although I was still extremely weak. I scanned the room and found my mom back, turned at me, staring at an empty space. Weakly, I called "Mom."

"My baby," she said as she walked towards me, sitting beside me. She placed her palm on my forehead for some seconds, trying to deduce my body temperature, before finally nodding in satisfaction. Tears welled up in her eyes as she took her palms off my forehead, took my hands in hers, and kissed them.

I looked at my mom's face and realized that I didn't know when she had wrinkles at the corners of her eyes before. She had a few gray hairs in her hair and dark circles underneath her eyes, indicating that she hadn't had a good night's sleep in the past few days.

Thinking of those times I let mom worry about me, I'm all grown up, and I still can't bring happiness to my mom. She had always worried about me since I was a child, up until this very moment. She gave up her life and dreams for me, just to see me happy.

I could recall refusing her remarriage after her father's death just because stupid me didn't want someone else to take her father's place. Now that I think of it, if she had gotten married, she would have had other children who would have been a source of happiness. I feel guilty about not easing her burden and constantly bringing her pain.

Being such a mom's person, she must be very, very sad about the whole situation. I am really a person who will be a burden to the people around me. I do not blame Felix for leaving me. It seems really selfish that, with all that happened that night, I was still expecting Felix to carry on with the wedding. I was probably thinking everyone would be as understanding as my mother.

I have always known that with Mom by my side, I can overcome any challenges. Without thinking of my mom's well-being, I have constantly relied on her for support. "Mom, please forgive me for my selfishness," I thought as I could no longer hold back the urge to cry. Tears welled up in my eyes and slid down my cheeks.

"I'm sorry, mom. I failed you," I said in a low, sad tone. I couldn't fight back my tears as I allowed them to flow freely. The image of the woman in front of me shattered my heart. She has given me too much, and I have been unable to give anything back.

"It's okay, baby. You've never failed me. I'm just so sorry that you had to go through all this pain. I wish I could make it go away. You don't deserve this," she said, pulling into a warm embrace. We cried in each other's arms, sniffing and letting our tears flow freely. We have been too strong for each other. We just had to cry to ease our pain and feel better.

I could recall when I told her I was getting married. She tried to talk me out of it, telling me that marriage is no child's play as it requires so much sacrifice and commitment. But because of her desperation to be loved, I refused her advice and made her succumb to my will. She became happy afterwards, believing that her baby girl is now a grown woman, and she looked forward to my wedding more than anyone else.

Mom never mentioned what happened on the wedding day or asked me if something was wrong; she just hugged me and told me to get some rest and not to think about anything, assuring me that everything would be okay.

The rest of the day wasn't any different. It was an emotional day, as sadness filled the whole atmosphere. Vanessa came to see me at the hospital. Vanessa has been my best friend since high school. She stood up for me while I was being bullied and mocked by other kids for being poor. She gave me the courage to stand up for myself and give the bullies a taste of their own medicine.

"Hello, ma'am. Hey, van," she said as she walked towards us with a sad look on her face, like she was heading to her own execution. She placed the fruit basket she had with her on the table by the hospital bed and sat beside me. I looked at her and saw she had a puffy face, which tells me she had been crying before coming to see me. I could see her still trying so hard to fight back her tears.

I knew my loved ones would feel hurt by the whole situation, and I blame myself for it. I should have walked away earlier with my dignity and self-respect still intact. I should have prevented this messy and embarrassing situation. I should have made a better choice, but I was too blinded by love.

My mom took the cue and left the room. "Let me go see the doctor," she said, giving me a kiss on the forehead before walking out of the room.

"Jud, how are you? She asked as she let out a fake smile. I could see the pain in her eyes and the struggle to smile through the pain. I don't know why she felt so much pain for me.

"It's painful, so painful, van," I said as I felt my heart tighten and let out a slight groan.

"It's okay, Ju," she consoled, and a tear escaped from her eyes and slipped down her cheek. She pulled me into an embrace.

"I was able to contact his friend; I was told that the bastard listed his house and left the country." She cursed and patted my back reassuringly. My lips were numb as nothing came to mind. I just closed my eyes and allowed my tears to flow freely.

"You are a strong and beautiful woman, Judith. I know you will put this behind you. You didn't wish for it, and I know God knows best," she said, reassuring me after we had cried to our hearts' content.

I believed her and hoped for a better future, but my hope was on the verge of being crushed when my worst nightmare unfolded before me.

Mother had suggested that I spend a few more days in the hospital so I would be able to recuperate and possibly stay away from any judgmental and pitiful looks I might likely attract in the neighborhood. My neighborhood isn't a really pleasant one, and I'm sure I'll be the topic of gossip for some months.

While at the hospital, I managed to relax and feel a little better. I didn't forget my ordeal, but I was able to accept that Felix and I weren't meant to be after all.

"Now, I just have to get better and move on with my life," I thought, gazing out the window at the scene of a newly born baby and his family taking a picture with some nurses in the garden. The mother of the child seemed really excited because her face was lit up with a contagious smile.

"I hope to have a baby, somebody," I said with a dry smile as I made my way out of the room to go look for my mother.

She had initially told me she was going to see the doctor earlier, and her absence was longer than expected. Even when I felt too weak to walk down there, I was determined to go find out what was going on. Something about her and the doctor seemed off.

I wasn't suspicious of my mother or anything, but I could sense she was hiding something from me. I couldn't bring myself to ask her, but deep down, I wanted to know what it was.

Following the path that led to the doctor's office slowly, I reached the door and was about to knock on it when I faintly heard my mother's familiar voice, weeping and pleading with the doctor as though making a request.

This instantly left me speechless. "What could they be talking about?" I wondered as I moved closer quietly and placed my ear on the door. I was trying to eavesdrop, but I couldn't hear them clearly, but from the intense tone they spoke, I knew it was something serious.

The doctor then blurted out, "Abort it? I think you should tell her first. And I won't alter my beliefs because of you. I don't want something that would cause a nuisance or dent my reputation in the future."

His statement left me shocked and numb. So I had been pregnant? And the mother is trying to abort the baby without my consent? My whole body began trembling, and I could not resist letting out a silent cry, but I was able to control my emotions.

"Please do this for me, doctor, and I will forever be grateful to you. It's the best for her. I'd rather have her hate me later than give birth to this baby, which will make her life miserable. She deserves to be happy again; this will benefit her and won't have any impact on her in case she wants to get married again."

"How would I even do that without her suspecting? What about the procedures and post-treatment? How would I take care of that? The doctor asked.

"Hmmm, we can just come up with a fake medical condition that requires surgery. That way she wouldn't suspect a thing," Mother ested.

Everywhere became silent for a while when I heard the doctor say it in agreement. "Alright, let's do that."

I couldn't bear to listen further. Having no strength left and a mix of emotions swirling within me, I struggled out of the path and staggered into the garden.

"Oh God, I said as I placed my hand on my racing heart. I held on to it tightly, like I was preventing it from leaping out of my chest.

Everything that unfolded before was something I couldn't have predestined in a thousand years.

"How could I be pregnant with that bastard's child? I touched my tummy, feeling a surge of hatred and pain in my heart. This baby was supposed to be the undeniable connection that bound us together, but it turned out to be a burden for me.

I'm not thrilled by the news of this pregnancy, as I am well aware of the circumstances surrounding it, but I would have at least been appreciative if my mother had told me about it and sought my opinion. I think I deserved to know.

I cried for a while in the garden, reminiscing over that night and how my life had gone so wrong and bitter that it made my mom think of such drastic measures. It must have been hard for her to make such a decision, and it must have been terrifying for her to contemplate ending her grandchild's life to protect me.

"What a messy life I have," I thought as I left the garden and made my way to the toilet to clean my already swollen face before heading to the room.

"Where have you been, Judith? I have been waiting for you," my mother asked immediately as I entered the room. She was indifferent to her usual self. She was able to put her act together and still put on a smile-a fake one, though.

"I was bored, so I went to the garden to get some fresh air," I said, avoiding any eye contact. I don't want her to suspect that I have been crying. "Why do you stay too long at the doctor's office?" I asked her even when I knew she wouldn't tell me the real reason.

"Nothing; we were discussing you," she said, wrapping a muffler around my neck to keep me warm and kissing my forehead.

"What about me?" I asked, even though I knew the topic of their secret discussion.

"Nothing much, my love. This is just a small problem that will be resolved soon. Just relax. You know I always got you." She said it with a sad gaze at me. Our eyes met, and then she looked away. "Go to bed; it's late already." She added, and then she helped me lie comfortably on the bed, covering me with a thick duvet.

I decided to pretend to be unaware of the conversation between my mother and the doctor and plan to abort the child because asking her might shatter her further. There was total darkness and silence in the room as we just lay on our respective beds.

I will just act along with them, but there was also a question in my mind as to whether this was the right thing to do or not. After all that has happened, I have no hope of loving anyone, and I plan to be alone for the rest of her life, but if I have a child to look forward to in my life, maybe I won't be too lonely. Moreover, the child is innocent.

I was lost in thousands of thoughts that tormented me late into the night, making me insomniac, and I wasn't the only one suffering; in fact, my mother had it worse.

I saw her getting up in the middle of the night to sit alone in the hospital garden. I trailed her and stood behind her, and I could hear her confessing, chanting that none of this had anything to do with me and that although the child was innocent, my happiness was more important. She said that if there had to be karma, then it should come to her; it shouldn't get back at me, who had already lived a hard enough life.

When I heard this, my heart ached. I crawled down with shaky legs, burying my face between my legs and crying silently with hot tears dripping down my face. I feel really terrible about it and wish I could just travel back to the past to set things right.

Returning to the room, I made a decision, more like a gamble. It wasn't just for me but also for her mother; I don't want her to be guilt-tripping for the rest of her life. I needed to stand up for myself and make a choice, even if it was a hard one, but I just hope I haven't gambled wrongly.