TAMING THE FEELINGS

Rachael could not help but increase her walking pace, completely ignoring her best friend's call. Joy was irritated and furious, as she tried to keep up with Rachael, breathing in and out gently as she seemed to have gone through a long walk.

Joy stopped abruptly, folding her hands into fists as she began to run, not minding the stares from those in the hallway who happened to watch her in awe, surprised she was breaking one of the school rules.

Rachael halted, turning to see her friend running after her, her mind going frenzy. Can't she give up?" she thought.

Her mind went back to how she had avoided her three best friends, but she had no doubts how she would be able to keep up with her acts especially now that they are back to school. She shook her head trying not to reminisce over what happened, as some strands of hair made their way to her face, which she brushed lightly.

Joy seeing Rachael stopping for a while made her halt only to bump into someone. Her heart skipped, almost thumping out of its place seeing the big guy. Compared to her average height, she is nowhere a match for the janitor who was as tall and big as something else, as his face shows nothing but contempt.

His chinky eyes squinted as if he was purposely trying to scare the shit out of her. At this moment, Joy wished Rachael was beside her.

Apart from being tall, which makes her look like an adult, she is a good friend of this fellow in front of him whom she detested since their sophomore year.

"You know the consequences of running through the hallway right?" the janitor questioned, his voice deep, making her flinch as she took a step back.

At this time, she could not help but imagine everyone was looking at her. She peeked sideways noticing some of them staring as if she was a clown, as she cursed inwardly.

She does not mean to get into trouble on her first day in her last year as a 12th grader.

" I am sorry I broke the rules. I was just trying to get to the class early," she explained, trying to keep a calm composure, as she needed to convince the janitor.

At the same time, she was beginning to think of the beatings she would give to Rachael, who has been on a danger dash since their last holiday.

The janitor's gaze narrowed, making her realize that she would be in detention on her first day at school.

"Oh, sorry about my friend. She was running after me, my bad," Rachael said as they both gazed at her.

" I think you should tell your friend to be careful next time, or she will end up in the detention zone, "the janitor stated, his look like a piercing knife, before leaving the two.

Rachael mouthed a 'thank you' as Joy sneered, giving the janitor a fuck you sign. Thankfully, he was not facing them as Joy would have been in a bigger mess.

Rachael let out a sigh, grateful she was able to save her friend from the janitor.

"Show is over, move to your classes," Rachael commanded as some let out groans, forcing their feet to move to their various classes.

Rachael no doubt was a respected student. Apart from being a topper, she has been known to be a well-behaved student earning her great honor from both her juniors and classmates.

Joy moved closer, as she gave Rachael a knock on her head.

" Ow, what was that for?" her eyes wide opened, as she gently caressed her hair, the pain slightly hitting her.

Joy held her right hand leading her to an empty class, as she banged the door behind. She stood akimbo, standing straight, her hands on her hips, her elbows turned outward, showing off her haughtiness and annoyance.

Rachael sighs, realizing what her friend was trying to say.

"You still don't remember right? You don't remember how you left our friend at the altar," Joy explained as Rachael bit her lips, trying not to laugh, not because of Joy's seriousness but the mention of the word 'altar'.

What does she even mean by leaving him at the altar? She is not getting married anytime soon.

" I never left anyone at the altar. I was just shocked by Kevin's act. It left me speechless. I'm sorry", Rachael apologized as she began to regret what she did about three weeks ago.

Joy left out a mocking laugh, not buying her friend's words.

"I am sorry, it left me speechless, blah, blah, blah," she mimicked Rachael, whose expression looked grim.

" I was not prepared and acted stupidly. How would you have reacted if Andrew confessed to you?" Rachael asked as she felt she was now the center of attention.

Andrew was the fifth on the list. Rachael, Joy, Kevin, Grace, and Andrews are best friends.

"Wow, you are turning the question to me. Let me now tell you what I will do. Andrew, I appreciate that you like me. I am sorry that I do not have that kind of feelings for you, as I only see you as my best friend. I hope we can still be friends, and I hope that one day I will be able to return that kind of affection you deserved. Simple," Joy stated, as Rachael facepalmed.

" You should apologize to Kevin, not me. Did you know how long he has been having this feeling for you? Since 10th grade. He prepared everything, the music, poems, lunch just to grace that special moment but you ran away like a coward. You left him hanging," Joy's words kept piercing through Rachael's heart as she realized how stupid she was, leaving her best friend hanging after he had confessed his feelings to her.

"Can we not talk about this? Even though Kevin confessed to me, I cannot date him. Remember the rules. No dating throughout high school," Rachael said

" Not until you are sure it is true love," Joy added as Rachael appeared to be cornered.

"I will apologize to Kevin. I believe he will understand. What can I do to make you stop being angry at me? It is killing me," Rachael made a face as Joy burst into laughter.

" Okay, okay, I have forgiven you. Just try to chat with Kevin. He is head over heels in love with you," Joy said, bringing out her hands as they hugged each other.

At that point, Rachael realizes how she was a coward even though she appears to be bold in front of others. She made it a point to bear in mind, as she decided on telling Kevin how she felt for him, as a friend and not in a romantic sense.

They both made their way to the chairs as they sat down to gist for the time being, as there would not be any lecture, not until the next 45 minutes.

"I like someone. I mean like like like," Joy said, her eyes glimmering with emotions.

" Enough with the like. Who is the lucky fellow?" Rachael teased as Joy blushed slightly, her face reddening.

"He lives opposite your house. He is tall, light, and handsome, " Joy almost squeaked, at the last part of her word.

" You mean Zack?" Rachael asked as Joy nodded in affirmation, turning her face away shyly.

Rachael's mind almost went blank as she realized whom her friend has puppy love for. For a while, she felt her breath almost leaving as her face almost turned pale.

"Hey, what do you think?" Joy asked Rachael, who was trying to keep a composed look.

" Erm, I think you should at least try to know who he is. I don't want my friend to end up with a playboy," Rachael gave her a piece of her mind, as Joy nodded, obviously in a fantasy world with just her and Zack.

She met Zack during a business party her parents forced her to attend. From that day after their little conversation, Joy's feelings continued lingering at the handsome guy she wished she could spend her whole life with. It was the first time she would be having such a strong feeling, and she never planned to let go of it, even if it meant breaking some rules. She is in love with Zack", she continued telling herself.

Rachael felt her last school year would be a nightmare. Not only is there unrequited love for Kevin, but the same also goes with Joy and probably herself as she is attracted to Zack. She is not going to let her friend know that little fact", she told herself.

To be on the safer side, she has to get rid of the attraction she had for Zack or else...

The door opened as they both raised their heads. Kevin was standing by the door in his handsome glory.

He was putting on a black top, a black leather jacket with fitted blank pants, his black pair of shoes shining, reckoning all to see.

Rachael's heart started beating, realizing how stupid she was for not realizing how kind and caring Kevin has been. His kindness, meekness, and care were supposed to be a green light, but she ignored them.

"Rachael, can I talk to you for a sec?"

Those words alone sent shivers of regrets down her body.

# FLASHBACK

It was summer, one of the four Earth's seasons, that goes after spring and foreshadows Autumn. Kevin glanced at the trees bearing fruits and feels Summer is the best season ever. The warmth and everything makes it perfect. No wonder most families like to go on vacation during summer.

He went back to the mirror for the umpteenth time checking himself out again. He was dressed in a checkered shirt themed with a pair of blue jeans and black shoes.

His mind kept beating fast, trying not to lose his focus on one of the important things he wanted to do today. He noticed a little pimple on the upper part of his head and that alone makes him feel he is not perfect.

What if she complains about this little pimple on his face", he could not help but think. He groaned in frustration as he realized he could not do anything to hide the scar.

He checked himself again, before moving out of his room, humming quietly trying to ease the tension building up in him. He would finally confess to her. To the girl, he has liked since 10th grade. Now that he is going to be in 12th grade, he feels it was the right thing to tell her about it. Who knows? She might feel the same way towards him.

At the same time, his head keeps whipping him with thoughts that it was weird for him to develop feelings for his childhood friend, his own best friend. Most stories and movies he had read and watched about one of the two best friends having feelings for the other do not seem to end well.

It sometimes ends with an unrequited kind of love. Most times, the female lead tends to fall in love with the bad boy, leaving her best friend's heartbroken.

Kevin was not one to judge just by movies or books as he views them as fiction. But he could not help it, especially when he would be confessing his feelings to his best friend, supporter, cheerful giver, lovely, and most importantly his companion. It feels like a heavy burden would soon be dropped off him.

" You look handsome. Rachael will fall head over heels in love with you", Joy almost squealed, jolting Kevin out of his thoughts as he smiled warmly.

" Are you sure? I feel like dressing up with a suit or something more decent?"Kevin's face piqued with a glint.

Kevin no doubt was one of the best-looking teens. His beautiful face looked like it was carved by a creative genius. He has soft brown eyes that will melt the strongest of ice, his eyelashes inky black and even longer and curlier than most girls.

The crew cut on his head well-combed perfecting his look, coupled with his handsome and tall self. Even though Kevin has doubts about his looks, he was still good, much better to make most girl's breath almost seize whenever he smiles or winks.

"Do you still want my help or not?" Joy asked, her face giving a complicated look

" Of course, why not?" Kevin almost stammered, getting confused over Joy's sudden act.

Joy has been the first to discover his feelings for Rachael. She also supported him and told him to confess to her. According to her, even if they do not date in high school, the confession will serve as a bridge to build up their love life if they got into college.

"Then, listen attentively to me. Rachael likes the bad boy saga, so I feel this kind of clothing is the best. No use of glasses too," Joy ordered like a teacher giving commands.

Kevin's heart almost hitched, realizing the kind of boys Rachael might like. What if she doesn't like him, since he is the goody type of boy.

" Yes ma'am," Kevin said as Joy smiled.

"Be confident, Rachael does not bite. I believe you haven't forgotten what we talked about?" Joy questioned.

" I remember everything", Keven voiced out, as Joy whispered the last part to him before leaving.

Kevin strolled gently to the open part of his parent's house, which was well decorated. Thanks to Joy, it looks like a wedding location. He sat on one of the chairs, before rehearsing what he is going to say to Rachael.

The sweet poems he has rehearsed, the songs he has formed as well as the words he would tell the love of his life. Love is a beautiful thing. Kevin kept wishing his 18-year-old self a happily ever after with Rachael.

Kevin's gaze lingered as he saw a smiling Rachael approaching him. His body became warm, goosebumps creeping in, as he looked gently at the figure coming towards him.

Blonde hair with bright blue eyes and pink lips that remind you of delicate flower pearls were those beautiful features he admired about her.

"Wow, this place looks beautiful," Rachael's voice jolted him out of his fantasy.

" Yeah, here is your seat my lady," Kevin broke in his American accent as he drawled a chair for her to the seat.

"Thank you. You look handsome," she complimented, as Kevin's face reddened.

" Thank you. You look ravishing. I like your simple hairstyle," Kevin finally found his voice.

"Thanks. It is Side Dutch Braid. I learned how to make it on Youtube," Rachael swept the little strand of her hair behind her ear, and that scene alone made Kevin lost again.

" So what's up? You said you wanted to tell me something?" Rachael gestured, raising her hands in the air.

"Yeah. don't tell me you are trying to act like someone I know," Kevin pinpointed, as he sipped a little wine from the glass cup.

" Ha! You got me. I want to be a little badass, sassy like Joy," Rachael said, as she stifled a laugh, which made Kevin smile widely.

"I think I would have to call Principal Mullins to tell her that her little Miss Perfect wants to be a bad girl," Kevin stated as Rachael raised her hand.

" Hey, don't do that. I will hug you so that we will settle this," Rachael broke, as they both started laughing.

Kevin could feel the warmth in his heart, as he shared a laugh with Rachael. To him, this seems to be one of the best days in his life, and he would keep replaying these memories.

Rachael stood up and ran into the back area where they sat. Kevin quickly stood up and followed her, his heart beating as he was about to take the next step in confessing his feelings to her.

Rachael stepped inside as she saw her reflections at each step she took down the room full of mirrors.

Kevin was able to catch up seeing Rachael walking around. Their eyes meet again, a smile on her face. Kevin noticed how the royal blue floral gown she put on fitted perfectly on her body.

"Hey Kevin, do you have a girlfriend already? Wow, this place is great. Where is she?" Rachael questioned

Rachael already thought Kevin wanted to show her his girlfriend, without thinking twice. Joy mentioned it to her, giving her the probability that Kevin probably wanted to show her his girlfriend.

Kevin walked slowly towards her. I can do this", he kept chanting inwardly.

" She is here," Kevin's simple statement only made Rachael move further into the small room as all she could see was her reflection.

Her subconscious told her Kevin was probably talking about her but she brushed it off. Kevin is one of her best friends. To her, best friends should not fall in love with each other.

She stopped abruptly turning to face Kevin who was trying to wear a calm composure.

"I can't see her. Is she hiding," Rachael tried to laugh saying those words as her mind was beginning to explode?

" You are the one," Kevin said.

"You are the one I like. You are the perfect girl to me. You have been my childhood supporter, my best friend, the best thing that has happened to me"

Kevin paused for some time, realizing that all the poems he had rehearsed have been lost to the nervousness breeding in him.

Rachael kept gazing at the gentleman in front of him. Was he confessing his feelings to her? Oh no, this is a dream', she thought.

"I have liked you since 10th grade, and even though I tried to keep this feeling at bay, it kept coming. I like you for who you are. The person with the purest of heart, the one who will go out of her way for others, the one who stands up for what is right, always respectful and dutiful. Rachael Jenkins, I like you,"

Kevin confessed the way he thought was right. Rachael felt her eyes welt, and for some split second, she thought she was no longer on earth.

Without responding, she ran out of the room leaving Kevin devastated. She did not even say a word", Just thinking about that made his heart hurt, and he felt a weight of the burden, wanting to suffocate him.

******

BACK TO PRESENT

" I will leave you guys, bye," Joy quickly ran outside leaving her two best friends.

Rachael bit her lips gently, as she rushed towards Kevin engulfing him in a hug. Kevin was surprised by her actions as he slowly relaxed, drawing her closer. While Kevin was taller than Rachael with few heights, as she rested her head on his chest.

That act alone sent shivers down Kevin's body, his body emitting warmth, his heart beating fast.

"Kevin, I am sorry for running away that day. I am stupid Kevin. Please forgive me,"

Rachael's words were like arrows to Kevin as his heart glitter, his throat suddenly dry.

"Hey, stop blaming yourself. Stop crying too, I understand you perfectly," Kevin said, patting her long blonde hair as Rachael just continued crying, wetting his chest.

"Kevin, I do not want to give you false hope but I just like you as a friend. I could not tell you that day because I realized you might become hurt by my words. Please forgive me," Rachael continues rambling making Kevin's heart linger.

He slowly cupped Rachael's face, which has reddened looking into her blue eyes that look like that of an ocean.

" I was never angry at you. I must confess it hurt but you just clarifying made me understand that I might have to try harder to make you develop the kind of feelings I have for you for me. Rachael, for now, we can continue to be good friends, no awkward situations. I want the old Rachael that will pinch my cheek, slap my head and hug me every day"

Kevin's last statement made Rachael giggle as she hugged Kevin again.

"Thank you," she said.

Rachael quietly prayed. 'I hope that one day I will be able to return the love you have for me because you deserve the best

Kevin felt calmer and still kept his hopes high. He still hoped that by the time they would be in college, Rachael might finally fall for him. It is only a matter of time.

The door creaked open, as they separated, Rachael's face blushed slightly.

" Sorry to break the reunion but something just happened, "Joy was breathing in and out as if she went on a long meter race, her expression on a sad note.

"What happened?" Kevin asked, putting his hand on Rachael's shoulder.

" Grace is in the mental asylum"

Their faces went pale immediately.

Grace was the replica of a perfect girl. She was affectionate, lovely, adventurous, and has others' best interests at heart.

She was more like a legend in high school. A legend because of her good ways and conduct which some of the students are becoming envious of.

She was a young girl many parents prayed to have as a child. Amiable, courageous, compassionate, and considerate were words that fitted her perfectly.

Born and brought up in a well-known Catholic home, she has been taught to live by God's standards of right and wrong. Most of the time, she encouraged anyone she sees disheveled or about to give up.

Many love her because of her simplicity, love, and kindness. Being friends with the four, that is, Kevin, Rachael, Joy, and Andrew makes it better, as those peers are known to be of best behavior during their high school.

Life is like a mist. It might appear today and disappear tomorrow. That was almost the case for Grace who was diagnosed as being in the final stage of living due to cancer.

Colorectal cancer, also known as bowel cancer, has spread to her tissues and organs. It was hereditary from her father, who had died during her mother's pregnancy.

Being brought up by her mum and maternal grandparents, she never for once thought her death was coming. At that instance, she began to blame her mother and grandparents.

With tears and being attached to the hospital bed, she began to analyze how her life rate would only be between one to two years. She would die very soon, she concluded.

She became heartbroken and sad. She still finds it difficult to know she would live for a year or two. She began blaming God, why her life will be cut short like that. She reminisced over her years of showing kindness and love to others.

All the years she has focused on other people's interests without thinking about hers. Is this really how she would die? A thought ran through her mind and for a split second, she decided to use her remaining life to the fullest.

She would not care about others, but herself. She would party and drink as if there is no tomorrow. She would give up her virginity and start slaying. This is the best decision", she thought, but is it?

Not seeing Grace for a day, her other friends called her that particular day, but her line was not reachable. They went to her house but it was as silent as a grave. Their heartaches increase as they are beginning to fear something bad has happened to their dear friend.

They kept visiting non-stop but never met anyone. They ask neighbors around, but that never yielded any positive outcome. According to the neighbors, they do not converse with them as Grace and his family seem introverted, and would not even accept a conversation with them.

All hopes were beginning to be gone not until they saw Grace two weeks later, but she was different. No one knew what happened to Grace, but many seemed to be surprised by her new look.

Instead of her usual Blouse and a long skirt that covers her knee, she was now putting on fancier clothing. Most of the boys begin to ogle over her well-developed body organs waiting to burst out of her clothing.

To her friends, her dressing style has changed. She was now putting on a short gown that barely covered her knee, her long legs exposing, with her heels higher than normal. Her hair sideways, with heavy makeup on her face, a pink lip gloss simmering on her lips.

In no time, boys were beginning to get her number for a one-night stand, which she willingly gave out, chewing gum in her mouth as she looked seductive to the horny teenagers.

Those who saw her as their heroine became sad and kept wondering where the real Grace had gone to. The look of shock was written on Kevin, Rachael, Joy, and Andrew's faces as different thoughts were beginning to cross their minds.

They went to meet Grace determined to stop her little malady. To Rachael, it was a dream and she needs to wake up. They took their dear friend to an empty class, as they tried to patiently get an explanation for what was going on in her life.

Grace could not hold it any longer as she broke into tears explaining the ordeal she has passed through. How she was diagnosed with cancer and how late she was before reaching out for medication. How she has gone through surgery and now has a short life span of one to two years.

Her friends were bewildered by her confession and tried to comfort her. They reassured her and made her realize that if there is life, there is still hope. Doctors can only try their best to save human lives, but only the Almighty can do and undo.

They told her to pray and hope for the best. To them, a chicken that hasn't died can still eat grains, which implies that Grace can still live longer than the speculated time. Anything is possible as God is involved, but it seems their thoughts did not rally with that of Grace.

Grace defiantly refused as she blamed God for making her like this. To her, she has been serving God all her life, helping others to know him, but death was her sentence.

She never stopped talking about how she tried to abide by God's standards of right and wrong. To her now, the Almighty is dead because she believed she could have saved her from having that hereditary disease that killed her father and is about to kill her.

She continued stating how she would use her last days for partying, eating, drinking, smoking, and giving away her body for the lust the horny teenagers are developing on her. She would do everything contrary to what she has done for the past 16 years of her life.

Her friends refused to give up on her, as they tried to readjust her thinking. Each word from them was not helping as Grace has already made up her mind. She has decided to be the typical bad girl. She seeks to be known, for popularity, for something bad but she now views it as good.

Rachael's heartache the most, as she also looked up to Grace as someone who has the best set of characters. To her, even though Grace was the youngest among them, she was still the best. She kept sending letters, calls, and words of advice to Grace, but it did not work out as Grace remained adamant.

Her first time giving away her pride only made her feel the need to continue having pleasure. She became a regular customer in bars, hotels, and all sorts of brothels. To her, she was enjoying the last part of her life. No one, not even her parent and grandparents could stop her.

Bad friends kept looping around her, as they seemed to like her vibes. She ignored her good friends, sticking to the bad ones. She was introduced to drugs and she never said NO to it.

'IT IS A FREE WORLD. YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU LIKE', these are her words, but one thing she never realized was the impending danger waiting for her in the future. Her life was beginning to be at stake the moment she found herself in a mental asylum, totally deranged with a crazy attitude...

# BACK TO THE PRESENT

Rachael looked at Grace as she lay on the bed, restricted with cuffs attached to her hands. This is done to prevent Grace from running away or giving difficulty to those giving her treatment.

Joy pulled Rachael closer as she tried to comfort her, while Kevin stood behind. Even though Grace was the youngest among the group, she is much more composed than the others.

The rays of the light from outside the window woke up Grace's mother who was sleeping beside the bed. She was sitting on the chair, her head resting on the rim of the chair, making it quite an uncomfortable posture to sleep

The importance of motherly love cannot be underemphasized. Mother being the event planner of the family is more of a big responsibility bestowed.

Grace's mother's eyes finally opened as she looked at the figures in front of her. She looked disfigured, her eyes sore as if she had not slept the whole night. The white gown she put on was now different, as it has shades Of brown color.

"Good morning ma', " they all greeted as they moved closer to her.

" My children, thanks for visiting," her voice off, as she looked at them

"So sorry about this. How is she faring?", Rachael quickly asked, trying not to look at Grace's body which was beginning to turn pale, her veins showing.

"She was caught using hard drugs and was arrested. They later had to release her when she started behaving weirdly. She was sent to this mental asylum and that was when we realized she had taken a larger dose of some hard drugs which must have had some effects on her health," tears welled up Grace's mother's eyes, as she tried to stop them.

She seems to be on an emotional roller coaster.

" Is okay ma'am. Grace would be fine again", Rachael hugged her as she said those words of comfort.

After calming down a bit, the four decided to spend more time with her.

"You know Grace here was diagnosed with hereditary cancer. We later discovered it was at the late stage as she has one to two years to live", she stopped for a while, trying to stop the tears waiting to pour out of her eyes.

" She was well behaved, lovely, and enthusiastic in all manner. After coming to know about her health status, she changed and moved out of the house"

The room became silent for a while, as only tears could be seen on each of their faces.

"I begged her, telling her not to give up, but she never listened. She blamed God and became broken wanting to take the wrong course. I tried, especially being a single mother, to make her rethink but it proved abortive.

She was lost and never turned to think of how she left home. Now I feel guilty, for not making any attempt to give her the best she deserved. I am a bad mother," Grace's mother wailed, tears dropping as she hugged herself.

Rachael, Joy, and Kevin felt their heart dropped as they felt the pain Grace's mother must have been going through.

Rachael held her hands, rubbing them slowly.

" I believe she will be fine. She has always been the strong one among us, always fighting for the best. She would never give up. We will continue hoping for the best," she stayed

"Meanwhile you also need to rest. Kevin and Joy will drive you home and I will stay here to keep watch over Grace," she offered.

Grace's mother had no other choice but to go as the three teenagers with her would not take NO for an answer.

After leaving, Rachael used the opportunity to look at her sick friend. With a shaking hand, she took Grace's hand gently and said a short prayer.

Everything will be alright," she hoped