Swingin Round the Cirkle.

After the New Jersey Election, 1865.

Saint's Rest

(wich is in the State uv Noo Gersey),

November, 9, 1865.

Never wuz I in so pleasant a frame uv mind as last night. All wuz peace with me, for after bein buffeted about the world for three skore years, at last it seemed to me ez tho forchune, tired uv persekootin a unforchnit bein, hed taken me into favor. I hed a solemn promise from the Demekratic State Central Committy in the great State uv Noo Gersey, that ez soon ez our candidate for Governor wuz dooly elected, I shood hev the position uv Dorekeeper to the House uv the Lord (wich in this State means the Capital, & wich is certainly better than dwellin in the tents uv wicked grosery keepers, on tick, ez I do), and a joodishus exhibition uv this promise hed prokoored for me unlimited facilities for borrerin, wich I improved, muchly.

On Wednesday nite I wuz a sittin in my room, a enjoyin the pleasin reflection that in a few days I should be placed above want & beyond the contingencies uv fortune. Wood! oh wood! that I hed died then and there, before that dream ov bliss wuz roodly broken. A wicked boy cum runnin past with a paper wich he hed brot from the next town where there lives a man who takes one. He flung it thro the window to me and past on. I opened it eagerly, and glanced at the hed lines!

"NOO GERSEY-5,000 REPUBLIKIN!"

One long and piercin shreek wuz heard thro that house, and wen the inmates rushed into the room they found me inanymate on the floor. The fatal paper lay near me, explainin the cause uv the catastrophe. The kind-hearted landlord, after feelin uv my pockets and diskiverin that the contents thereof wood not pay the arrearages uv board, held a hurried consultation with his wife as to the propriety uv bringin me to; he insisting that it wuz the only chance uv gittin what wuz back-she insistin that ef I was brung to I'd go on runnin up the bill, bigger and bigger, and never pay at last. While they was argooin the matter, pro and con, I happened to git a good smell uv his breath, wich restored me to consciousniss to-wunst, without further assistance.

When in trouble my poetic sole alluz finds vent in song. Did ever poet who delited in tombs, and dark, rollin streams, and consumption, and blighted hopes, and decay, and sich themes, ever hev such a pick of subjects ez I hev at this time? The follerin may be a consolation to the few Dimokrats uv the North who have gone so far into copperheadism that they can't change their base:-

A WALE!

In the mornin we go forth rejoicin in our strength-in the evenin we are bustid and wilt!

Man born uv woman (and most men are) is uv few days, & them is so full uv trouble that it's skarsely worth while bein born at all.

In October I waded in woe knee-deep, and now the waters uv afflickshun are about my chin.

I look to the east, and Massychusets rolls in Ablishun.

To the west I turn my eyes, and Wisconsin, and Minnesota, and Illinoy ansers Ablishun.

Southward I turn my implorin gaze, and Maryland sends greetin-Ablishun. In New York we had em, for lo! we run a soljer, who fought valiantly, and we put him on a platform, wich stunk with nigger-yea, the savor thereof wuz louder than the Ablishun platform itself.

But behold! the people jeer and flout, and say "the platform stinketh loud enough, but the smell thereof is not the smell uv the Afrikin-it is of the rotten material uv wich it is composed, and the corrupshun they hev placed upon it"-and New York goes Ablishun.

Slocum held hisself up, and sed, "Come and buy." And our folks bought him and his tribe, but he getteth not his price.

Noo Gersey-Ablishun!!

Job's cattle wuz slain by murrain and holler horn and sich, and, not livin near Noo York, the flesh thereof he cood not sell.

But Job hed suthin left-still cood he sell the hides and tallow!

Lazarus hed sores, but he hed dorgs to lick them.

Noo Gersey wuz the hide & tallow uv the Dimocrisy, and lo! that is gone.

What little is left uv the Dimocrisy is all sore, but where is the dorg so low as to lick it!

Noo Gersey wuz our ewe lamb-lo! the strong hand uv Ablishnism hez taken it.

Noo Gersey wuz the Aryrat on wich our ark rested-behold! the dark waves uv Ablishnism sweep over it!

Darkness falls over me like a pall-the shadder uv woe encompasseth me.

Down my furrowed cheeks rolleth the tears uv anguish, varyin in size from a large Pea to a small tater.

Noo Gersey will vote for the Constooshnel Amendment, and lo! the Nigger will possess the land.

I see horrid visions!

On the Camden and Amboy, nigger brakesmen; and at the polls, niggers!

Where shall we find refuge?

In the North? Lo! it is barred agin us by Ablishnism.

In the South? In their eyes the Northern copperhead findeth no favor.

In Mexico? There is war there, and we might be drafted.

Who will deliver us? Who will pluck us from the pit into wich we hev fallen?

Where I shel go the Lord only knows, but my impression is, South Karliny will be my future home. Wade Hampton is electid Governor, certin, and in that noble State, one may perhaps preserve enough uv the old Dimokratic States Rites to leaven the whole lump.

"I'm aflote-I'm aflote

On the dark rollin sea."

And into what harbor fate will drive my weather-beaten bark, the undersigned can not trooly say.

Noo Gersey-farewell! The world may stand it a year or two, but I doubt it.

Mournfly and sadly,

Petroleum V. Nasby,

Lait Paster uv the Church uv the Noo Dispensashun.

A Conversation with General McStinger, of the State of Georgia, which is interrupted by a Subjugated Rebel.

Washington, D.C., Nov. 18, 1865.

Sence the November elections I hev bin spendin' the heft uv my time in Washinton. I find a melankoly pleasure in ling'rin around the scene uv so many Demokratic triumphs. Here it wuz that Brooks, the heroic, bludgeoned Sumner; here it wuz that Calhoon, & Yancey, and Breckinridge achieved their glory and renown. Besides, it's the easiest place to dodge a board bill in the Yoonited States. There's so many Congressmen here who resemble me, that I hev no difficulty in passin for one, two-thirds uv the time.

Yesterday I met, in the readin-room uv Willard's, Ginral MacStinger, of South Karliny. The Ginral is here on the same bizness most uv the Southern men hev in this classic city, that uv prokoorin a pardon, wich he hed prokoored, and wuz gittin ready to go home and accept the nominashen for Congress in his deestrick.

The Ginral wuz gloomy. Things didn't soot him, he observed, and he wuz afeerd that the country wuz on the high road to rooin. He hed bin absent from the Yoonited States suthin over four yeers, wich time he hed spent in the southern confederacy. When he went out the Constooshnel Dimocrisy hed some rites wich wuz respected. On his return wat did he see? The power in the hands uv Radikals, Ablishnism in the majority everywhere, a ex-tailor President,-a state uv affairs disgustin in the extreme to the highly sensitive Southern mind. He had accepted a pardon only becoz he felt hisself constrained to put hisself in2 position to go to Congress, that the country might be reskood from its impendin peril. He shood go to Congress, and then he should ask the despots who now hev control, whether,-

They spozed the South wood submit to hoomiliatin condishns?

What Androo Johnson means by dictatin to the Convenshuns uv sovereign States?

"Why," sez he, "but a few days ago this boor hed the ashoorence to write to the Georgy Convenshun that it 'must not'-mark the term-'must not assoom the confedrit war debt.' Is a tailor to say 'must not' to shivelrus Georgy? Good God!-where are we driftin? For one, I never will be consilliated on them terms-never! I never wuz used to that style uv talk in Dimekratic convenshuns.

"Ez soon ez I take my seet in Congris," resoomed he, "I shel deliver a speech, wich I writ the day after Lee surrendered, so ez to hev it ready, in which I shel take the follerin ground, to wit:

"That the South hev buried the hatchit, and hev diskivered that they love the old Yoonion above eny thing on earth. But,

"The North must meet us half way, or we wont be answerable for the consekences. Ez a basis for a settlement, I shell insist on the follerin condishens:

"The Federal debt must be repoodiated, principal and interest, or ef paid, the Southern war debt must be paid likewise-ez a peece offerin. The doctrine uv State Rites must be made the soopreme law uv the land, that the South may withdraw whenever they feel theirselves dissatisfied with Massachusetts. Uv coarse this is a olive branch.

"Jefferson Davis must be to-wunst set at liberty and Sumner hung, ez proof that the North is really consilliatory. On this pint I am inflexible, and on the others immovable."

An old man who hed bin listnin to our talk, murmured that there wuz a parallel to this last proposishen.

"Where?" demanded the Genral.

"The Jews, I remember," replied he, "demanded that Barrabas be released unto them, who wuz a thief, I believe, and the Savior be crucified, but I forgit jist how it wuz."

The Genral withered him with a litenin glance, and resoomed:

"I shel, uv course, offer the North suthin in the way uv compensation, for the troo theory uv a Republikin Government is compermise. On our part we pledge ourselves to kum back, and give the North the benefit uv our kumin back, so long ez Massachusetts condux herself akkordin to our ijees uv what is rite. But ef this ekitable adjustment is rejected, all I hev to say then is, I shell resign, and the Government may sink without wun effort from me to save it."

I wuz about to give in my experience, when the old man, who wuz sittin near us, broke in agin:

"My name," sed he, "is Maginnis, and I live in Alabama. I want to say a word to the gentleman from Karliny, and to the wun from Noo Gersey."

"How," retorted I, "do yoo know I'm from Noo Gersey, not hevin spoken a word in yoor hearin?"

"By a instink I hev. Whenever I see a Sutherner layin it down heavy to a indivijouel whose phisynogamy is uv sich a cast that upon beholdin it yoo instinktively feel to see that yoor pocket-handkercher is safe, a face that wood be dangerous if it had courage into it, I alluz know the latter to be a Northern copperhead. The Noo Gersey part I guessed at, becoz, my friend, that State furnished the lowest order uv copperheads of any uv em. Pardon me ef I flatter yoo. But what I wanted to say wus, that I spose suthen hez happened doorin the past 4 years. I was a original secessionist. Sum years ago I hed a hundred niggers, and wuz doin well with em. But, unforchunitly, my brother died, and left me ez much more land, but no niggers. I wanted niggers enuff to work that land, and spozed ef cut off from the North, and the slave-trade wuz reopened, I cood git em cheaper. Hentz I seceshed. Sich men ez Genral McStinger told me the North woodent fight or I woodent hev, secesht, but I did it. I went out for wool and cum back shorn. I seceshed with 100 niggers to git 200, and alas! I find myself back into the old government, with nary a nigger.

"But all this is no excoose for talkin bald noncents. Yoo old ass," sed he, addressin Genral McStinger, "yoo talk uv wat yoo will do, and what yoo wont. Hevent you diskivered that yoo are whipped? Hevent you found out that yoo are subjoogated? Are yoo back into the Yoonyun uv your own free will and akkord? Hevent yoo got a pardon in yoor pockit, which dockyment is all that saves yoor neck from stretchin hemp? Why do yoo talk uv wat South karliny will and wont do? Good Lord! I recollect about a year since South karliny would never permit her soil 2 be pollutid by Yankee hirelins, yit Sherman marched all over it with a few uv em, and skarcly a gun was fired at em. So too I recollect that that sed State, wich wuz agoin to whip the entire North, and wich wood, ef overpowered, submit gracefully and with dignity to annihilation, and sich, wuz the first to, git down on her marrow bones, and beg for peace like a dorg. Ef yoo intend this talk for the purpose uv skarin the North, beleeve me when I say that the North aint so easy skared ez it wuz. Ef its intendid for home consumption, consider me the people. Ive heard it before, and I'll take no more uv it until my stumick settles. It makes me puke. The fact is we are whipped, and hev got to do the best we kin. We are a goin to pay the Federal debt, and aint goin to pay the confederet debt. Davis will be hung, and serve him rite. States rites is dead, and slavery is abolished, and with it shivelry; and its my opinion the South is a d--d sight better off without either of em. I kin sware, now, after livin outside uv the shadder uv the flag 4 yeres, that I love it! You bet I do. I carry a small one in my coat pocket. I hev a middlin sized one waved by my youngest boy over the family when at prayers, and a whalin big one wavin over my house all the time. I hev diskivered that its a good thing to live under, and when sich cusses as yoo talk uv what yoo will and wont do under it, I bile. Go home, yoo cusses, go home! Yoo, South, and pullin orf your coat, go to work, thankin God that Johnson's merciful enuff to let yoo go home at all insted uv hangin yoo up like a dorg, for tryin to bust a Guverment too good for yoo. Yoo, North, thankful that the men uv sense uv the North hed the manhood to prevent us from rooinin ourselves by makin sich ez yoo our niggers. Avaunt!"

And the excited Mr. Maginnis, who is evidently subjoogated, strode out uv our presence. His intemperit talk cast a chill over our confidencis, and we dident resoom with the ease and freedom we commenced with, and in a few minutes we parted. I didn't like him.

Petroleum V. Nasby,

Lait Paster uv the Church of the New Dispensashun.

A Remarkable Dream.-A Country settled exclusively by Democrats.

Washington, December 1, 1865.

Last nite I was the victim uv another dream. Ef I don't quit this explorin the realms of the fucher in my sleep, I shall become a second Saint John. Ef so, I maik no doubt my revelations will be uv a remarkably startlin character.

Methawt the Ablishnists had asserted the power we diskivered they possest, after the late elecshuns, and had gone the whole figger. They had forced the South into the humiliashen uv allowin niggers to testify, and in the Northern states had given em the elective franchise. Uv course the edecated and refined democrasy wood never consent to be carried up to the polls alongside uv a nigger-uv course no Democratic offis-seeker wood hoomiliate himself to treatin a nigger afore a election, it bein a article uv faith with us never to drink with a nigger, onless he pays for it.

Therefore, bein helpless, and resolvin never to submit, the heft uv the Democrasy determined to emigrate in a body to some land where the Anglo-Sackson cood rool,-where there was no mixter of the disgustin African. Mexico wuz the country chosen, and methawt the entire party, in one solid column, marched there. Our departure was a ovation. The peeple on our route wuz all dressed in white, ez a token uv joy, and from every house hung banners, with inscriptions onto em, sich ez,-

"Now is our hen-roosts safe!"

"Canada on its way to Mexico!"

"Poor Mexico-we bewail thy fate!"

Our march resembled very much that uv the childern uv Isrel. Our noses wuz the pillers uv fire by nite, and our breath the piller uv smoke by day.

On our arrival to Mexico, the natives of that country, struck probably with awe at the majestic and flamin expression uv our countenances, hastily gathered up their linen, and silver spoons, and hosses, and sich, and retreated to the mountains. It wuz a kompliment to us that them ez hadn't ennything remained.

Finally we reached a plain, where we, the modern childern uv Isrel, decided to remane, and, uv course, the fust thing to do wuz to form a guvernment.

Methawt Fernandy Wood, uv New York, wuz chosen viva voce, ez President, and he stept forerd to hev the oath administered to him, wich wuz 2 be dun by the oldest Justis uv the Peece uv the late stait uv Noo Gersey, wich hez committed sooicide. Here a new trouble ensood-there wuzn't a bible to be found in the whole encampment. The difficulty wuz got over by a New York Alderman yellin out, "Never mind the oath. What's the yoose uv any oath he takes?" So he wuz declared President.

Prest. Wood then proceeded to organize. He requested sich ez hed held commissions in the army uv the Yoonited States to step forerd three paces. Gens. Micklelan, Buel, Fitsjohn Porter, & Slocum stept forerd, and with em some 4,000, a part uv whom hed held quartermasters' commissions, and whose accounts,

"Jest afore the battle, mother,"

didn't balance, but wich alluz did jist after, and others who hed bin dismist for bein in the rear, when their sooperiors desired to see em in the front, and who consekently considered it a d--d Ablishun war, wich they didn't approve uv no how.

Then hevin ascertained the material for officerin his army, he axed all them who bed bin in the service as privates to step forerd. 20,000 obeyed, and the President asked the fust one where he enlisted, who ansered ez follows:-

"At Noo York, April 12, 1864, bounty $1,000;

and at Philadelphia, April 14, 1864, bounty $700;

and at Pittsburgh, April 16, 1864, bounty $800;

and at Cincernati, April 19, 1864, bounty $400;

and at-"

"Enough," said Fernandy, and glancin down the line, and seein all the faces were uv the same style and expression, he asked no more uv em any questions.

Remarkin that it wuz well enough to establish a church, he desired all who were ministers uv the Gospel to step forerd. 21 stept out and desired to explain. They cood not say that they were just now in full connexion with any church. They hed bin, but their unconstooshnel Ablishin Synods and conferences hed accoosed em uv irregularities in hoss tradin, and various other irregularities, and suspended em, and silenced em and sich, becoz they were Democrats, but-

The President shrugged his sholders, and asked all who cood read to step out. About one-half answered, and then he requestid sich uv this number ez cood be prevaled upon to accept a small office, and who bleeved theirselves fit, to step out agin, and to my unutterable horror and consternation, every one but five stepped out ez brisk ez so many bees. Immejitly there wuz an uproar. Them ez coodent read swore vociferously that there wuz nothin fair about that arrangement. They never knowd that a man wuz obliged to be able to read to hold office in the Democratic party, and they'd never stand that, and they all stepped out.

Finally it wuz decided that a election should be held at some fucher time.

The next step wuz to divide em up into employments. The President requested them ez preferred to foller mekanikle employments to step out: Sum thirty advanced. Them ez preferred farmin: About fifty stept out. Them ez expected to run small groceries:

There wuz a sound like the rush uv many waters. Ninety-eight per cent, uv all-ceptin the officers and preachers-sprung to the front, but when they saw ther strength, their faces turned white. "Good Lord!" whispered they; "we can't make a livin out uv the remainin two per cent. and the officers and preachers!"

The mass then demanded a division uv the property, that all mite start alike, but upon takin a inventory, it wuz found not wuth while to bother about a division.

Then they commenced murmurin, and sed wun to another, "Oh for the flesh pots uv the Egypt we left!" "I cood, at hum, live off my Ablishn nabers." "There wuz rich men in our ward, but ez we hed the majority, they paid taxes, which we spent!" "Ablishnists is pizen, but it is well enough to hev enough uv em to tax!" and ez wun man, they resolved to return, and the confusion that resulted from the breakin up awoke me.

There is onquestionably a moral in the vision. Ez often ez I hev syed for perpetual Democratic majorities, I hev sumtimes, when our party wuz successful, and bid fair to be so permanently, wondered what we would do with the Treasury ef we didn't lose the offices occasionally, so ez to hev the other party nurse it into pickin condition for us.

I don't think I shood like to live in a unanimous Dimocratic community.

Petroleum V. Nasby,

Lait Paster uv the Church of the Noo Dispensashun.