Stammering Hearts

"J-Jack a-and J-Jill w-went u-up t-the h-hill to f-fetch a pail of w-water.."

Lake stopped singing when he heard someone calling behind him. He turned his head in its direction and he was not surprised when he realized who it is.

Rush. He was the son of Leina's best friend, who also happened to be his godmother. The Braylens always visit them so he's already used to seeing Rush in their house.

Even though Lake ignores him and doesn't talk to him, Rush still finds a way to get his attention and to make him talk to him. Or should he say, piss him off. It seems like Rush's visit to their house will not be complete until he annoys the hell out of him.

"You're already nine years old but you're still stuttering." Fourteen-year-old Rush teased.

Lake ignored him. He just looked at the ground and quietly turned his back to him. He gripped his favorite teddy bear tightly like it will protect him.

"J-Jack a-and J-Jill w-went up the h-hill t-to f-fetch a p-pail of w-water," Rush mimicked him. And still not contented, he even stood in front of him. "That's a nursery rhyme. By now, you should've mastered it already. Why don't you straighten up your speech?" Rush's voice had a hint of anger in it.

Lake continued being quiet. He just slightly lifts his head to look at Rush and bringing it back down again when he saw the anger in the taller boy's face.

"That's why they're laughing at you. You're too shy. What are you so shy about? You're a very pretty boy. Why does it seem like you find it so hard to speak?"

Lake doesn't know what to answer. He, himself doesn't know why.

All he knows is that he stutters when someone talks to him. Especially when it's his mom. His stuttering gets worse.

"C'mon, say 'Jack'", Rush encouraged.

Lake lifted his head again and looked at Rush. Should he obey him or not? He doesn't know if he is serious or just playing him.

"I'm serious, okay. Just try it. Say 'Jack'."

Lake stared at Rush's eyes when the latter leaned down to level his face with him. It's like he got hypnotized by the sincerity that he saw in those eyes. And that's enough reason for him to obey. "J-Jack."

"Again. Jack."

"Jack." He did not stutter.

"Very good!" Rush was smiling widely.

Lake was happy with Rush's reaction too.

"Now, say 'Jill'."

"Jill."

Again, he said it without stuttering. It was a big achievement for him already.

"I knew you could do it," Rush said smiling as he sat beside Lake. "Don't panic. Remove the nervousness in your chest when you speak."

Lake let out a shy smile. Although he's confused by the kindness that Rush shows him, he still can't stop being happy.

"Now, let's try my name. Say, 'Rush'."

Lake stared at Rush for a long time before having the strength to say his name. "R-Rush." Lake said with blushing cheeks. He doesn't understand why when it was Rush's name that he's about to say, he got nervous.

It's not the kind of nervousness when he's speaking to his mommy. This was a different kind of nervousness. He can't name it.

"What's wrong with my name? Why did you stutter again when it was my name you're saying?" Rush asked, brows furrowed.

Lake's grip on his teddy bear tightened while hiding his face and staring at his feet.

"Don't tell me.." Rush laughed. "Do you have a crush on me, Lakey?"

Lake just kept his head down. Rush calls him 'Lakey' whenever he's teasing him.

"Lakey has a crush on me." Rush teased. "You're still so young to have a crush." Rush continued.

He can't bear Rush teasing him anymore. So he stood up and ran back inside the house and went straight to the only place that gives him peace.

His room.

*****

Rush was left shaking his head. He doesn't know why every time he and his mom goes to the Wren's, he can't help teasing and annoying Lake.

He's pissed at the boy's shyness. The boy doesn't even fight back even though he annoys him too much. Lake will just bring his head down and keep quiet.

One time, he saw Lake getting picked on by his younger sister Lottie. He saw how Lottie stomped her feet on the teddy bear that Lake always holds.

Lake just cried, taking the teddy bear back. No word came out of his mouth.

A while ago, when he told Lake to repeat what he said, he saw that he can speak properly as long as he doesn't feel threatened.

He's really wondering why Lake is always afraid, if not nervous or shy.

He knows that Lake can speak straight and properly because he had seen him speaking without stuttering.

It happened when his mother, Reena, and him visited them. Because of how bored he is, he decided to take a walk. His feet brought him to the garden.

The garden of the Wren's was big and had a variety of flowers. He was about to go back into the house when he heard a voice. The voice was speaking to someone.

He listened carefully for the source of the voice and followed it. He stopped in his tracks when he saw that the voice was coming from Lake.

The boy was seated on the Bermuda grass and talking to his teddy bear. "Did you brush your teeth, Mr. Ted?" Rush heard Lake ask the toy.

He was really surprised because of how straight Lake was speaking. He listened further.

"Before you go to sleep, you should brush your teeth. That's what my teacher said. So, you should brush your teeth too, okay?"

"Let's sleep now because if mommy heard us speaking loudly, we will surely get hit again. Unfortunately, Daddy's not here. He's on a business trip." Lake said to the teddy bear after a while.

Rush clearly noticed the sadness in Lake's voice when he said the last part. Even he noticed that Lake was not close to his mother, which happened to be Rush's godmother. When his Aunt Leina visits them, she always brings Lottie.

And come to think of it, she had never brought Lake to them. Aside from that, he saw how happy his Aunt Leina is when it comes to Lottie. He would always hear praises from his Aunt when talking about Lottie while it's the opposite when Lake is the topic.

It also did not go unnoticed to him that Lake seems afraid of his mother. Opposite when it was his father with him.

Lake's eyes were bright and sparkling when he is talking to his father. Everyone can see how close the two are. He can't say that Finlay favored Lake because he also treats Lottie the same way. But it's obvious that there's something special between the father and son bond.

Ever since he discovered that Lake can speak properly when alone, he did not stop annoying and teasing him. He wants Lake to accidentally speak clearly because of how pissed he is with him. But so far, the boy will just keep quiet when he is annoying him.

It would've been better earlier because Lake had communicated to him already when he obeyed his instruction. He doesn't know what entered his mind and he teased him again when Lake stuttered at his name.

Rush smiled. He knows that all Lake needs is encouragement from those who are around him. Most particularly, from his own mother.

He had to help Lake get over his shyness. In that way, there's a possibility that his stuttering will disappear.

It's one of those days that Lottie's interest was in Lake's favorite teddy bear again. She kept on taking the stuffed toy from Lake.

What happened was the two ended up holding each arm of the toy and kept on pulling on it. Lottie managed to take the toy from

Lake but her arm swung towards Leina's expensive and favorite vase. The vase fell on the floor and broke into pieces.

Rush clearly saw everything that had happened. Leina also heard it because she immediately went where her son and daughter were, followed by Reena.

"What happened here?" Leina asked, eyes darting to her son and daughter back and forth. Leina's face darkened upon seeing the broken vase. "Who broke the vase?" She asked angrily, eyes focused on Lake.

"M-Mom-" Lake tried.

"I-I just want to borrow his toy, Mommy. But then-" Lottie tried to explain.

Leina turned to Lake, cutting Lottie off. "Since before, you always cause head ache to me!" Leina said as she grabbed Lake's arm who is shaking in fear. "Do you know how expensive that vase is!?"

Lake is just crying silently while looking at his mother. He's obviously scared of her. He didn't even sob loudly even when Leina spanked his leg.

"Leina, wait a minute," Reena said, holding on to her friend's arm which was clutching Lake's arm tightly.

"Aunt Leina." Rush can't help calling her attention.

His voice was loud resulting in everyone looking at him. "It is not Lake who broke the vase. It was accidentally hit by Lottie." He said.

Leina seemed embarrassed by what he said. She looked at Lottie.

"I was about to tell you, Mommy," Lottie said in a low voice.

"It's all right, darling. Let's forget about this." Leina turned to Lake. "You can't blame me. You'd always break expensive vases in the past." Leina covered her mistake.

It's like nothing happened when she called for the maid and instructed her to clean the broken vase. She invited Reena to go back to the living room, bringing Lottie with her.

*****

Lake thought that everyone had gone back to the living room. He was surprised to see that Rush is still standing there and staring intently at him.

He was about to say 'thank you' when Rush's face darkened.

"Until when are you gonna keep quiet, Lake? You're already twelve. Yes, your stuttering had lessened, but for God's sake, you should learn how to defend yourself." Rush said angrily.

"Until when are you gonna expect other people to do what you have to do? Your Daddy is still there, yes, but what if he's gone? Like now, why didn't you said that it was not you who broke the vase? You just let Aunt Leina blame and spank you." Rush added.

Lake's tears were already forming in his eyes while listening to Rush's words.

"It was partly your fault why you're scolded. You are too scared to reason out and stand up for yourself. Why did you let them think wrongly of you?" Rush sighed in exasperation. "Grow up, will you?" After saying that, Rush turned around and walked away.

Lake's tears fell when Rush turned his back on him. His words were cruel but they were true.

He was a coward.

*****

Lake just got home from school. He quickly changed his clothes, then took out a picture that he was hiding under his pillow.

He sat in the middle of his bed and stared at the boy in the picture who is none other than Rush.

He secretly took that picture from their big album in the living room. Whenever he is sad, he will just look at that picture and he will feel slightly better.

Even though he doesn't talk to Rush when he's in their house, it doesn't mean that he doesn't notice the older boy. The truth is, he admires him so much.

Aside from the fact that Rush is handsome, he also knows that he is smart. When his mother and his Aunt Reena are talking about Rush, he listens intently even though he shows that he is busy playing with his favorite stuffed toy.

He knows that Rush is also good at sports. So how will he befriend him when he is so different from him?

Rush annoys him most of the time, maybe because he thinks that he is dumb. He's already thirteen years old and he still stutters sometimes. Even he wouldn't want to befriend himself.

For him, Rush is very unreachable. He knows that Rush wouldn't want to have a friend like him.

"See? I knew it, you're crushing on Rush."

Lake almost let out a scream when he heard Lottie speak behind him. He did not notice her entering his room.

He quickly hid the picture under his pillow again.

"Too late for that, Lake. I already saw it. Besides, I already know that you have a crush on Rush. Yuck, he's too old for you." Lottie teased annoyingly.

"T-That's not true."

"Aww, what are you gonna do now? Rush is about to leave you. You won't see him anymore." Lottie continued.

Lake is older than Lottie by two years only but they'd never been close. Even though he wants to get close to her, it feels like their mother won't allow it. Why he thought that way, he had no idea.

"Mommy said that Rush will study in New York. He will leave you now. How pitiful." Lottie kept on teasing him.

He doesn't believe what Lottie was saying because he hadn't heard something like that.

"You still don't want to believe me? That's why we are going to their house later- for Rush's farewell party. Rush will leave you." Lottie taunted.

He learned that Lottie is really telling the truth when their father told him to change his clothes because they will go to Braylen's house for Rush's farewell party before he goes to America.

Lake told them that he feels sick so that he doesn't need to go with them that night. He knows that his mother won't complain because she really doesn't want Lake to go with them if not for his father.

Maybe he is still young at the age of thirteen but it was not a hindrance in knowing that he feels something special for Rush. He knows that what he feels for Rush is more than just a simple crush; more than just a simple like.

That's why his tears just kept on flowing. That's why he can't breathe properly. That's why he's mad and scared at the same time. And it's all because of Rush's departure.

He kissed Rush's picture and placed it over his heart. "I love you, Rush. Be careful to where you're going. Take care of yourself. Even though you don't know it, you're always in my prayers."

After saying that, he closed his eyes.

*****

Rush can't deny the hole in his heart when he saw that Lake did not arrive with his family. He almost wanted to confront his Aunt Leina if she did not let Lake go with them.

He felt like his night was not complete and a big part of him is missing. He doesn't understand the heaviness in his heart when he realized that he will leave without seeing Lake.

He looked up at the night sky and stared at the moon. "Please take good care of Lake while I'm away. Tell him to be strong and that I won't be long."

He whispered pleadingly to the moon.

"I'll miss you, Dad. I'll always miss you." Lake said crying while holding the picture of his deceased father.

He hugged the picture and let out heartbreaking sobs. His father died after his bypass operation. Although the specialists already told them that there's a fifty-fifty chance to it, they still expected him to survive.

But faith was playful. He can still remember their conversation before his father was brought inside the operating room.

(Flashback)

"Lake, if I don't make it in there, I want you to take care of yourself. Do what your heart tells you. Believe in yourself, honey." Finlay weakly said while the nurses were wheeling him towards the operating room. He was clutching his father's hand tightly, not wanting to let it go.

He was stopping his father from talking but Finlay continued. "I am so proud of you, Lake. I know all of your achievements." Lake looked at his father in surprise. He had never told a soul about his awards and achievements.

Finlay let out a weak laugh. "I wished you had told me. But I respect your decision in hiding it from us. You don't expect me not to discover it, do you? I am your father after all. And you are my son."

"Dad.."

"I may not be there with you, Lottie, and your mom physically, but spiritually, I'll be there every step of the way." Finlay's voice was shaking when he said that. "Continue with your passion, Lake. Continue your art. I love you, my firstborn."

Lake nodded. And with tears in his eyes, he kissed him on the forehead, believing that his father was going to survive.

(End of Flashback)

All throughout the operation, Lake and Lottie were in a chapel somewhere inside the hospital. When their father was rolled out from the operating room, he was unconscious. Then after exactly ten minutes, he was gone. Just like that.

The doctors said that there had been a complication. Lake zoned out from the doctor's explanation. There's only one thing that is ringing in his mind and ear: His father was gone.. gone forever.

And just earlier, his father was buried in the cemetery. That was the hardest part Lake had ever done: To say goodbye to the person who had always been there for him from the beginning.. to the only person who had loved him completely. To the only person who believed in him.

He would never see him walk out the door again. He would never hear his voice again. He would never see him smile again.

Gosh, he would never see his father again.. ever.

*****

A month later..

"You know what, Dad? There's someone who is interested to see my paintings." Lake is currently at the cemetery, in front of his father's resting ground. "Remember Jade, the girl who saw my works back in college? We accidentally bumped into each other again after two years. She was actually looking for me. She said that his brother-in-law, Renji Kimura, was looking for new talents to feature in his exhibit."

Lake was so excited while telling that to his father. He immediately went to the cemetery to tell his father the good news.

"Can you believe it, Dad? That's the Renji Kimura. The world's most famous painter."

His eyes were shining. It's the first time, after his father died, that he felt this alive again.

"Though he will still look and judge my works, at least, I have a chance Dad, right?"

He had a degree in Bachelor of Science in Business Administration and Accountancy. He also had his MBA from Harvard. He would like to take Fine Arts as his course but of course, his mother did not allow him. She said that there is no money in that profession.

And just like all the other times, his mother won again. So Lake took up the course that she wanted, but unbeknown to her, Lake's spare time was spent in an art class. That's why his talent in painting was enhanced further.

It was only his dad who knew that he was enrolled in an art class while taking up Administration. Finlay gave him his full support.

"It has never been the same without you, Dad. I miss you so much." Lake was unable to stop his tears.

*****

It was almost ten p.m. when he reached home from the cemetery. It was Saturday and he did not expect the traffic.

He had his own key to the front door of their house so he doesn't need to knock or use the doorbell. He also will not be scolded by his mother because she's surely asleep by now.

Lake grumbled about how he can't even drive his car fast enough. He just said that in the spur of the moment, but he really loved his car as much as he loved his old stuffed toy named 'Mr. Ted'. The money he used to pay for it came from his own pocket.

He was about to finish college when it was offered to him by a classmate who is about to buy a new car. The money he paid for the car came from his savings. It came from the allowances that he saved and a big percentage of it was from the prize when his painting had won first place in a competition that he'd joined.

It was not the latest car model and the car seldom give up in the middle of the road, but Lake loved the car. His car.

That car was really his in every sense of the word. And he was very proud of it.

His father wants to buy him a new car but Lake refused. He doesn't mind that the car Lottie uses was more beautiful than his.

Lottie's car was a gift from their parents.

All right, he admits, he was a little bit jealous. But that was before. Besides, Lottie deserved it. She worked hard for it.

Though Lake's grades were far higher than Lottie's and the highest in his school, he never showed his report card to his parents. He was consistently the top student in the class and had won a lot of academic competitions. He doesn't want any complications so he chose to study in a different school from Lottie.

He was proud of himself and it was a great achievement for him, but he never once boasted about it to anyone. He was still shy and humble. Still afraid to speak because his mother always compares him to Lottie- how different he was to his sister.. how sensible Lottie was, unlike him. The list would go on and on. Even though his mother doesn't know anything about his school life.

Lake sighed when he stopped his car in front of their house. Until now, he's still afraid of his mother- big time. He hasn't done anything right in his mother's eyes.

A part of him wanted to blame his mother for why he grew up weak and aloof towards other people. It had been a long time before his stuttering disappeared due to inferiority complex.

Now he knows that his stuttering was psychological. He stutters when he is in front of other people, especially when it is his mother. Because most of the time, she shouts at him. She scolds him even about the smallest of things.

His father even brought him to a specialist but the doctor saw nothing wrong with him. So he just said that there really are kids who develop speech late.

Even he was confused before. When he is alone, he can speak properly and well. But when someone is in front of him, he stutters. He feels like he will say the wrong words and that his mother will hit him because of it.

He was only glad that it was a thing of the past now.

He couldn't say that he was confident now. He's still afraid that he will do something that he likes and his mother will dislike it. When his father was still alive, it's easy for him to follow what his heart desires because his father was always there to guide and support him.

He became so dependent on his father that when his father died, he doesn't know where to start with his life.

A while ago, he was so excited because he will finally have a chance to showcase his paintings. His worries were overpowered by his excitement.

But now that he was back in their house, he was eaten again by worry.

His thoughts were stopped by the cool air that grazed his skin.

He shivered. He raised his hand to put the key in the keyhole. But he was surprised when the door suddenly opened.

Lake automatically closed his eyes tightly. He was sure it was his mother.

He prepared himself for the angry voice of his mom. But he heard nothing. Confusedly and reluctantly, he slowly opened his left eye, followed by his right eye when he recognized who the person in front of him is.

Nothing in the world had prepared him for this moment.