Stale Blood and Affection

Disclaimer... This fiction is about a former assassin so, there will be mention of deaths, gloom and other unhappy stuff. Viewers discretion is advised.

Death isn't scary, at least not to me. Maybe I'm wrong but death to me is peace and silence and if I'm wrong, I can only hope that decisions and the ability to make decisions are no longer in my hands. I have already made too many bad ones in my life. If the burdens of choices, decisions, sides and paths are lifted from my shoulder in death then, death is good. If death only allows one state of being; only rest, only torture, only darkness, only peace. even if I get tossed into the side of only torture then death is good.

The scariest thought to me is, what if there's another cognitive decision filled life after death? What if death is just leaving this one and waking up to another reality? What if after this death, I just start over and I still have to choose which shirt, I have to wear, which shoe, Which job I should take on, which path should I take? What if I make the same decisions all over again? Even if the situations are not the same, I don't think I want to do this again. I can't deal with the thought of another life. Just look what I've done with this one.

~~~~~~~~~~

Blood everywhere, flesh, flies and that smell. Except it isn't that smell. This smell is less horrid less human. Animal blood. This realization relieves me and helps me breath.

I am inside the meat shop in town. The wall are an old and ugly pastel green, my shoes are brown and made of animal leather, my hands are... Covered in blood.. but not human blood. I didn't kill anyone. I spaced out, I just spaced out. Seconds after the blank out like usual, I am overcome with anger at myself and my mind for participating in this weak, scaredy cat nonsense. I'm fine. Absolutely and positively fine.

I moved into this town six years ago for one reason and one reason alone: to start life afresh and that's exactly what LoachesVille gave me and more.

I wasn't delusional to think that I would somehow magically stop looking over my shoulders and lead a worry free life but I didn't account for the fact that I would occasionally feel worse. I didn't even know that sometimes especially when I'm not around these new people that bring light to my life, when I'm by my lonesome, sometimes I fall into a pit of despair for apparently no reason and it makes me feel like a fraud. I guess he was right when he said -"you can't kill as many people as you have and live happily ever after." but I can and I will.

The people here are nice and strange and crazy. Even in this 21st century they are still technologically behind by a lot. A small group of people in town still call technically devices 'white magic'. Crazy! But being around them is food for the soul.

When I'm alone I want to pick up a file and a MTs-116M suppressed sniper rifle and let loose. The thought alone gives me goosebumps but NO. I avoid being alone as much as possible. I'm better though. Compared to my anxious and obviously disturbed self from years ago, I'm doing awesome.

I found this place after a mission nine years ago, I had just finished off my client in one clean shot -if I might add, it was a busy week and I was high on my kills. Twelve consecutive clean kills in five days. Four of those kills were from that day alone. I wasn't as invincible as I was feeling and my target had way more physical protection (guards) than I thought so I jumped into the ocean because I rather die than ruin my reputation by getting caught. but even death did not want me. I was bashed and bloody bruised but ended up in this crazy town where the crazy people treated me even with the knife and guns strapped to my body. not one of my weapons were missing. the townsfolk that treated me arranged my weapons on a mat by the bed as if it was a casual belonging to pickup later.

They said I have a heart shaped like theirs.

They nursed me back to health and showed me the way to the next town when I requested. The next town was quite far off but it had tangible technology and is actually on the map. I left and didn't return until three years later when I realized... I finally realized that my life wasn't healthy.

If you are still missing the clues and need things to be spelt out, I am an assassin. Was. I was an assassin. The kind that had a license from the government to operate 'cause they were regular clients.

-"This man is becoming a social nuisance."

"My 2 million?"

"Sent"

Bam. 'Social nuisance' dead. No questions asked.

So I was a good assassin, the best assassin, a rich assassin, A lost person...

I also have a limp. But that is beyond this discussion.

~~~~~~~~~~

"your shoes are ugly" I ignored the voice because for some reason, Nile had decided that 'your shoe are ugly' would be her greeting for me.

She had been saying it daily since I started making and wearing my own shoes five years ago and she's not wrong. They really are ugly.

The sole of the other shoes in the village are hard and almost wooden but cute. Unfortunately, the sound of my own footsteps makes my skin crawl.

"Guess what!?" I grunted in response because why would any person sane or not, be happy and chirper in a bloody meat shop "I took the long way here so that I could finally catch a glimpse of the new guy that came to town yesterday morning. And I must say he is mighty handsome. I don't know what brought him here but with that kind of face and body? He is plenty welcomed. You have to see him. he is so smexy maybe when you see him you'll drop your steel chastity panties and finally get married.

The one that judges me so is almost my age and also unmarried.

"Barney is not going to be happy though. That man loves you soooo much. He even refused Monik and everyone wants Monik. Are you sure you're not one of those women lovers? I'm not a woman lover and I appreciate me some Monik. Maybe Barney is a man lover, that's why he's chasing the unattainable maybe he doesn't know how to pleasure a woman. *Gasp*. I know a few man lovers, I could set him up__"

"Nile." This crazy girl could go on and on. she could also march up to Barney and actively try to set him up with 'man lovers' I might not be too certain about Barney's other interests but the idea that he has no idea how to pleasure a woman is just wrong.

Yes. I've had few intricacies with Barney once and a good number of times over the past eight months and I'm quite ashamed that I may or may not be leading him on when I have no intention to settle down with him. When I know he deserves better. I shouldn't have...

..Barney is coming here?

The heavy footsteps sounds like him, the figure behind the tinted door looks like him... It is him.

"Good morning Leona"

Barney is an outstanding man not only because of his physical presence although it is undeniable that his broad muscular frame suggests a strength tempered with grace he is also cool headed and kind and all the fixings.

"Good morning Leona" for a big tall man he eyes are always so shy, it's always so intriguing to witness "good morning Nile."

"Good morning big, strong and handsome. How's it shaking" just for mentions sake, there's a blush on Barney's cheek.

"can I speak with Leona? Alone. Please". Always so polite. My mind raced through all the things we could do alone. But never in the shop so what now?

Nile begrudgingly left into the back. She won't listen in but a bizillion questions would be waiting for me.

"My mother has threatened me" his mother is above quite a number of people on the scale of crazy "if I don't get married by the next two weeks, she swears to jump into the waters"

"oh" because what can I say because that woman would do it. Barney will jump right after her and drag her out but she'll do it. "Monik?"

"I want you but I know, you have made it clear. I can't have you, not the way I want. Courtesy demands that I inform you first. I will marry Monik if she'll have me and. I can't meet you anymore. Monik will be my wife and I will love her" he was determined and pious. This is good. Barney was always too good for me everytime we met up I felt like I was dirtying him up and I'll admit, it felt good.

Barney was the type of man that sees the good everyone probably because he has always been surrounded by good people. he saw the good in me too and in return, I stringed him along for almost five years.

"Monik will have you because you're a great guy" the closest I've come to having a friend I can really trust hundred percent. The closest I've come to the concept of love. Barney smile was sad which it shouldn't be. like Nile said, Monik is a splendid woman and she'll treat him right him if she doesn't I will decapitate each of her joints, weighing on them until she dies of pain.

"I want you to be happy and experience giving yourself to someone you trust and love. I wish that someone is me but even if it isn't, I know it will happen"

'it won't' I thought to myself. They're so many ways that could go wrong.

Barney hugged me forcefully, the hug lasted a

hot few seconds before he pulled away. This time his smile was less sad. "Make sure to come to my wedding. Extend my invite to Nile." then he left.

I stared at the door for awhile until Nile came back in from the back door.

"What did Barney want?"

"He's inviting us to his wedding"

"To Monik?!."

"I guess so" my voice was barely audible and rough.

Nile pouted "good thing I didn't place that bet."

Of course there's a bet.

I tuned Nile out again as she continued to yap. Which is probably not a 'good friend' thing to do but I was busy trying to understand this strange sense of loss I was feeling. It didn't make sense. Barney isn't dead we were just not going to shank anymore. The feeling of loss was soon engulfed by another more sinister feeling. I wanted to kill Monik not just a clean shot to head. I wanted to watch her bleed out. All the ways I could make her bleed ran through head with so fast and with so much intensity, my head started to throb.

It was not the tap on my shoulder that pulled me out of the trance, it was Nile's scream.

My butcher knife is right at her throat. The wound is not deep but she was bleeding and worried.. "are you okay?" ...about me?

"Leona?" She took the knife from me and dropped it on the table. "This is definitely going in my diary -ways Nile would have died".

Why is she joking around?! "Would you believe, I'm already at 'almost died' number five hundred and fourteen" the blood has stained the neckline of her skyblue dress "the last time, you were there. I got stung by a sting ray. Twelve people playing in the water and only good ole Nile got the zaps. Sting rays are not even supposed to be in these parts" she was laughing now. I haven't felt this overwhelmed in ages.

"Hello to this shop" a group of women came to the shop that I own and sold meat in the shop, that I own. My feet were still and heavy thankfully, Nile my employee that works in the shop that I own that I almost slit her throat.

Person me,I can't seem to think straight..

Nile attended to the customers.

"Oh dear Nilly, what happened to your neck" one of the ladies gasped.

"What did I say about calling me Nilly?"

"You said you'll slit my throat but you done gone and slit yours first."

They all let out a boisterous laugh in enjoyment. "Anyways I want eight pounds of beef, six pounds of some mutton and pork. Each"

"You having a party?"

"Guessed right, my son got straight A's for the first time in his life." She leaned in as if she wants to tell a big secret but she was intentional loud. "My husband said he cheated but who cares an A is an A if you ask me. Lord knows I never got one of those in my day" another round of laughter. "You're invited. Make sure to come Leo"

"What did I just say about the nicknames" Nile hissed.

"Deal with it Nilly"

I guess Leo means me.

One after the other the woman bought their meat and left in good spirits as if there wasn't a fresh slash on Nile's neck.

Customer after customer, one chatty neighbor to another, borrowers and returners of things. The day carried on with ease. Nile went back home to change her dress. She came back with a new dress and a hello kitty bandaid acting like nothing serious happened. I even convinced myself that the incident was a fluke. I have always been aware of my surroundings, knowing who from whom was my specialty. I can literally tell friend from foe just by their presence. I have never made such a mistake before so I'm either losing some of my killer's skills (which I may not be so opposed to) or I'm in bigger trouble than I thought.

Nile tapped me. Obviously she wasn't afraid of my earlier outburst. "everything's going to be alright"