Sold to my crush: Alexander Dankworth

Lost in plain sight

The Florida sky hung low and bruised-an unnatural, swollen purple that bled into the horizon like an open wound. July's heat pressed heavy against my skin, but inside me, everything felt frozen, brittle, breaking.

Senior year was over. Exams done. Goodbyes half-hearted, like whispers lost in a storm. Yearbooks were scrawled with signatures that never reached me-words meant for someone else, a ghost version of myself. Dad said I should be happy. Graduating was supposed to be a celebration. But my chest was a hollow cavern where joy refused to echo.

High school had never been a dream. It was a fragile bubble, thin and fragile enough to keep the sharp edges of the world from cutting too deep. Now that bubble was bursting, and I was exposed, raw to a future I didn't want.

And worst of all was the silence I'd never escape.

I could no longer see the boy who held my heart. Hear his rich voice that sounds like velvet soaked in honey. He never knew I watched, waited, worshiped from a distance.

This is tragic, so no- I don't think I'm thrilled to be graduating.

***

"Good morning princess!." My father's voice floated from the doorway, rich with excitement. Harry O'Sullivan-a merry name in my opinion for a merry man. He had a lopsided grin on his pale white face, the same one he wore whenever when he brought home surprises or dragged me to bad rom-coms. He had always been like that-my dad, always trying to put a smile on every face. Still I must admit that there were times that I found him- overbearing.

"Come right in Dad!." I rolled my eyes, pulling my thick duvet over my head. "You ever heard of knocking?". My voice came out mumbled.

"Get up already, it's the last day of senior year." He dragged his words, tugging the duvet gently. "You should be excited." He pointed out.

There was some sense in his words, I knew he was trying to help. I just wasn't ready to pretend yet.

"Okay dad." My voice came out quietly, barely above a whisper but I knew he heard me because he finally let me be.

I dragged my weak limbs to the bathroom, exhausted from a night laid wide awake, anxious about today. I played a thousand and twelve versions of the What if's of today -yet, nothing was certain. The day still remained a mystery the only difference was how drained I felt.

Anxiety and fear siblings I birthed and nurtured-insidious and potent.

After a quick shower, I slipped into my usual amour; loose pants and an over sized T-shirt. My go-to amour.

Comfortable. Safe. Just like my name-Lily O'Sullivan. Plain, forgettable.

Reluctantly, I grabbed a hair tie from my dresser and pulled my long wavy brown hair into a ponytail. I could now see myself clearly- my big emerald eyes, full pink lips that has been alleged a hundred times to be fake, a sharp pointed noise and red big bunny ears that had seen better weather conditions.

The longer I stared at my reflection the more I began to see bits of myself more clearly-the dark circles around my eyes, the faint bruises on my neck. This meant that other people could see too.

My breath caught.

Instantly, I yanked the hair ties off, allowing the thick and untamed beauty flow down my back, framing my face. I love my hair, it was one of the few things I like about myself- it's ability to keep me hidden.

Just like my outfit hides my curvy body. A curvy body I have loathed all my life, for all the misfortunes it caused me, the hungry eyes and hands that can't decode no. A curvy body, another reason why I can never be his. The girls usually glued to his side

were all angles and air. Supermodels in training.

Maybe if I was skinny, he would see me. Maybe then I'd be enough.

A curvy body inherited from my mum- a woman carefully hand crafted by the divine, exceptionally beautiful in his image. She always praised my beauty, perhaps it was coming from the voice of a loving mother. None of such beauty I have ever seen myself, not when no one else wanted me, not even as a friend, except for Tiffany Morgan.

That, in itself, felt like proof.

A tear escaped, surprising me. I hadn't realized I was crying until it traced a cold path down my cheek. Memories of Mom, of our short lived moments together, flooded back. Those evenings we would sit together in the dark balcony, silently overlooking the city. Many words were not shared but still we were content.

The times I would accompany her to any place or remain at home with her, even when every other person was out. People called me her purse and I never argued with them, neither was I ashamed.

It has been three years since she passed, yet it still felt like this morning I'd heard the mortifying news. Stage four cancer. It was too late. If only we'd known sooner, she'd still be here.

Sometimes I wonder if the rest of us were left in the dark while she knew all along about her condition. That was like her-strong, selfless, silent in pain.

At first, I'd been furious at her, thinking she had not fought hard enough to stay. Now, maybe I understood, maybe she'd had enough of this world. But it still hurt so much, even after all this time. I could not move on, and when I caught myself happy, even for a moment, guilt twisted in my gut. I wasn't supposed to be happy when she wasn't here.

My quiet sobs escalated into desperate, hysterical wails. Deep ugly sobs that made my chest ache. All the pain, all the guilt from missing her so much... it surged like a wave.

The door creaked open, and Dad was there. I launched myself into his arms, clinging to him. "Shh, it's okay, my princess. Everything will be fine." He murmured.

Eventually, the sobs subsided.

"Do you think you can still make it to school today?" He asked softly.

"It's the last day, Dad. I can't just stay home." I forced a weak chuckle, trying to lighten the mood, though my throat felt dry.

"I'll take you to school." He said pausing at the door. " I'll be waiting in the car."

Tiffany usually picked me up, but lately, I wasn't so sure about anything with her. She'd become distant, especially since she began spending all her time with Sasha, a girl she'd met at a party-someone I hadn't even known existed until a few weeks ago.

When I first confronted Tiffany, she'd dismissed it. "Not really close, can't even be called friends." I'd let it go. But then I found countless pictures of them on Sasha's Instagram, holding each other and smiling widely like they shared an inside joke . Tiffany had blocked me, of course, so I wouldn't see her posts.

Yes, I stalked Sasha. I needed to know; I needed some peace. When I'd pressed Tiffany again about the pictures, she'd just brushed it off. Sasha was grieving her dead sister, who looked just like her, Tiffany explained. That's why she had to "put up with Sasha for a while." But the way she looked at Sasha in those pictures...the excuses she made to never hang out with me, made me wonder if I was the one being phased out.

Call me crazy, or a narcissist, like Tiffany had once said. But I don't want to share my best friend with anyone. Not that she couldn't have other friends, but Tiffany was my only friend. I loved her dearly and didn't want anything to jeopardize our relationship.

***

The car ride was quiet, except for the hum of the engine and occasional sigh from the driver's seat.

"You skipped breakfast again," He said, a familiar complaint. "I wonder if you'll eat at all when you go off to college."

I didn't reply. It wasn't like I had a choice. Tiffany once said skipping breakfast might help me loose weight. Then maybe people would stop whispering and give in me weird glances when I walked by. Maybe I'd blend in.

He didn't push and I was grateful for that.

When we pulled up to Bricks High. Dad gave me a hopeful smile. "I'll be here after, if you want a ride?. Try to have fun okay?."

I nodded and stepped out offering a small forced smile. I made no move toward the school. I just stood there, watching Dad drive away, his hand waving frantically until his car disappeared from sight.

Bricks High stood tall and worn, it's old brick walls and peeling blue paint declaring its age to anyone who cared. I walked reluctantly into the noisy hallway, squeezing through happy students and floating balloons taped to lockers. Everyone seemed excited.

Except but me.

After successfully navigating the crowded hall to my locker without tripping-a small miracle, I checked my classes and pulled out my books.

"Hey, pumpkin!." Tiffany's chirpy voice rang out.

"Hi". My voice quieter than I meant.

"How are you doing this fine morning?. Are you excited for today? I'm sure you are, who wouldn't be?." Tiffany blabbered, her long blonde hair swaying, her blue eyes shining brighter with every word. She wore a pink mini-skirt that barely covered her, a tight black top straining over her perky chest, a black jacket, and boots. She always had head turning wherever she went. She was sexy, and she knew it. We weren't allowed to dress like that for school, but Tiffany was, well, Tiffany.

"Are you listening to me?, You're always zoning out, never paying attention." Tiffany whined, then her eyes dropped to my outfit. "What are you wearing?. Didn't you get my text last night?." She asked with a slightly panicked tone and a look that resembled disgust. It passed quickly before I could register it. Maybe I was wrong.

"I didn't get your text." I lied, my voice flat.

"We're going to the bar after the test to celebrate. You seriously can't show up like that. No wonder people talk about you." Her tone was casual, but her words cut deep. I just nodded, saying nothing. Not like I could. Tiffany was right. Maybe I was the problem. I just stood there, watching her quietly as she gave me one last irritated look and walked off, probably to her first class.

The bell rang, and I practically ran to class, desperate not to be late for the test. Mr. Frederick would never let me hear the end of it. He was strict.

I slid into a seat with a minute to spare, just as Mr. Frederick walked in with the last few students. The test began and the rest of the day blurred into a haze.

***

I finished my test with shaky hands and wandered into the hallway, hoping to catch Tiffany. Maybe apologize. Maybe fix... something.

I was so deep in rehearsing my apology that the world blurred into a mess of imagined dialogue-until my foot caught. A choked groan escaped my lips as I reached out blindly, desperate to steady myself against the nearest solid object.

Walls didn't wear cologne and neither did they wear clothes but I'm pretty sure I was touching one.

Looking up, I froze. Space, time, my entire existence dissolved. The feeling of his body beneath my hand made me question every biology test I'd ever taken. How could a human feel so much like a rock?

Still lost in a daze, time stretched, slowing specifically for me, as if it knew I needed to savor this moment.

Standing in front of me was Alexander Dankworth with gray eyes wide with surprise and something dangerously close to amusement. As always, he looked like he had stepped straight out of a magazine-wavy dark hair, perfectly messy as if he'd just run his hand through it. Sculpted like a dream I'd been chasing for years.

Then he smiled. At me?, His smile was directed to me?. No. That couldn't be right.

But the corners of his lips curved up-gentle, effortless, direct. My heart skipped eight beats at once. They might as well call an ambulance.

"Are you done feeling me up", Alex remarked cockily. I quickly peeled myself from him as i tried to regain posture.

"I, uhm..., I'm... I'm sorry, i didn't mean to do that, not that i was actually doing that, but I'm sorry regardless, and ...uhm, that's my cue to shut up".

God i was so embarrassed, i couldn't even hold a single conversation without stuttering like a fool. Not like i have any issue speaking. I only stutter when I'm nervous or scared and this guy makes me feel so many things at once. How could he ever possibly like me after this. Perhaps a shark swallowing me isn't such a bad idea, that way i wouldn't have to experience such mortifying moments.

"It's alright baby, i actually don't mind having your hands all over me", he responds with a teasing smile.

I simple stared at him, words seemed to have failed me. My cheeks couldn't have gotten any redder.

"Hey Alex, are you attending the party at the bar?" .The universe seemed to have had compassion on me and sent help as one of Alex's friends, Martin as i gathered called out to him.

Martin and Alex are very close friends, or that is what the rest of the school assumes because they're almost together everytime and only ever seen with each other. Aside from the numerous girls that flock around them like annoying insects.

Martin is tall boy but Alex is bit taller than he is, with blonde locs that frame his face, hazel eyes that seem to always pierce into souls whenever he stares. He was undoubtedly handsome but not as beautiful as Alex. I should probably stop comparing every boy i see to Alex.

"Yeah,sure", Alex replied, never shifting his gaze from me.

"Everyone is already heading there, we should go now" martin tells Alex as he looks at me questioningly as though wondering what Alex would be doing with me.

I ignored his stares and tried to look everywhere but the beautiful men infront of me. "Yeah, let's go", Alex replies,giving me once over before walking away with Alex.

Watching them walk away, i feel my heart settling into a defined rythm. Yep, they should have called the ambulance earlier.

As i got to the front of my house. I stood there for while, preparing myself to step into the house. My dad had earlier informed me that he couldn't picked me up as he went to pick my siblings from the airport. I was not an only child, i was infact the last child of my parents. Most people think that this position in the family comes with alot of luxury, maybe it does to others, but some of us have it the other way.

I have two siblings, a brother and a sister.

Chase,my brother is the first child of my parents. His dark curly hair are the only features he got from my mum. It's best to say he is truly my father's son as he looks so much like him.

Rena, my sister the most beautiful daughter of my parents as everyone says. She has got blue, bright eyes like my dad, long blonde hair that reaches below her waist and a body to die for. She was skinny in a all the right places. Her boobs were small and perky and she has an attractively thin and well-shaped body.

Rena's studying to be surgeon. Talk about beauty and brains that's Rena. Everyone loves Rena,she is the perfect daughter. I wouldn't lie that I'm not jealous of her,of all the attention she gets and how everyone easily loves her. I want that for myself too.

I inhaled a final breathe of fresh peace before i stepped into the house. "Hey princess, come dinner is served". My dad says.

I quietly walked to the table with my head low, trying to ignore everyone else at the table. I took a seat at the far end, far away from everyone.

"So you're just going to sit there, goble down food like a glutton and ignore our presence", Chase sighs "typical Lily, i wouldn't put it past you". He spits out, i can feel his eyes on me gauging my reaction.

"He..Hello, welcome home". I said without looking up from my plate. I continued picking at my food as i did not have an appetite.

"As always stuttering like a foolish little girl", chase barked out, seemingly to become angrier from my lack of reaction to his earlier statement.

"You shouldn't speak to your sister that way", my dad said clearly annoyed by chase's behaviour but that has never stopped chase.

As always Rena just sat ignoring everything that's going on around her, like her younger sister isn't being bullied right infront of her. Not that I'm surprised by her behaviour.

"It was her last day today in Bricks High,the least we could do celebrate with her and not make rude comments like that". My dad had stopped eating at this point as he glared at chase.

That did not stop Chase at all. "It doesn't matter if it was her last day in Harvard, she wouldn't amount to anything because little Lily here is just a dumb, silly, attention seeking bitch". That was the last stray, i ran out of the dinning hall into room as i could no longer hold back the tears, ignoring chase yelling at me to come back.

I got into my room,locked the door and allowed the tears to flow freely. I couldn't cry infront of them, i can't let them know how much their words affect me.

All my life, i have always tried to do everything right, be the perfect sister and daughter. Just do they could see me, even if it was a for a minute. Feel their love or be accepted. But i guess I'm not good enough and I'd never be in their eyes.

Every single time my family treats me this way, i stay up all night crying and wondering what i had done wrong. I guess my only mistake was being born.

It all started after my mum's death. My siblings blinded by their grief had always blamed me for my mother's death, not that i even saw my mother take her last breath. I was away on a school trip when i heard of the news.

Perhaps this was what i thought was the reason. Just something to make me feel better so i know that they have a reason for hating for me. Not that they just treat me badly for no reason.

I couldn't wait to go far away from here and college was the only way out. I want to be a writer someday, whether it be books or poetry. But my family says that it's not a real profession so I'll study to become a Lawyer since that's what they want. At least i get to leave this place, I'll take whatever i can get.

After a while of wallowing in self pity, i received a notification on my phone. I reluctantly checked it out as i did not feel like talking to anyone or doing anything. Tiffany had sent a text asking I'm still at home.

Lily: Yes, i am

Tiffany: i hope you're dressed then Lily: dressed for what?

Tiffany: The party silly, you better be ready when i get there.

Lily: I can't go the party, my siblings are at home and now so they won't let me go Tiffany: Just get dressed, I'll be there in 10 minutes

"Urghhh", i groaned into my pillow. I don't want to go anywhere, i wished she would just forget about me entirely and go on her own.

"I don't even know what I'm supposed to wear to the party", This is the part i hate most about leaving my house, aside leaving my house in general.

As i stood infront of my wardrobe, contemplating what outfit would fit best. I remembered Alex mentioning that he would be at the party. With that thought in mind, i was more determined to attend the party. Maybe i could get lucky?, well who knows.

Caught between past and present, I wonder where I truly belong.

I stood in front of the mirror, a black dress clinging to my body, and for a moment-I felt good. It hugged my waist, hit just above the knee, and made me look...confident. But then the whispers started.

Too tight. Too much. Too ugly.

The voices in my head returned like old friends with sharp teeth.

With a sigh, I peeled off the dress and tossed it on the bed. I pulled on a pair of loose black pants, an oversized red hoodie, and laced up my Jordans. Safe. Forgettable.

"I guess this is okay," I muttered.

A light tap on the window pulled me from my thoughts. Tiffany was crouched outside, grinning. "Let me in, quick."

I slid the window open, and she climbed through like she had a dozen times before. We'd been sneaking out for years, careful to avoid Chase's strict rules.

She landed softly on the carpet, brushing herself off. Her dress was electric blue and skin-tight, hugging every curve like it was made for her. Black stilettos added inches to her already perfect frame. She looked incredible, and she knew it.

"Damn," I said, smiling. "Changed your outfit?"

She spun once, laughing, a sound full of wild freedom. "This one screams party." Her gaze finally landed on me, scanning my outfit. "Is that what you're wearing?"

My stomach dropped. "Yeah. Is something wrong with it?." Asking that question always meant one thing: you looked terrible.

Tiffany paused for half a second too long.

"No, it's fine. Let's just go, we're late." She said, brushing past me. "It's not like you could do any better."

She let out a soft laugh, and I wasn't sure if I was supposed to laugh too. I didn't.

We slipped out through the window, moving silently through the night. Tiffany had parked a few streets over to avoid getting caught. The night was cool and still, and my hoodie suddenly felt too warm.

The silence felt heavy, a palpable weight. Tiffany seemed completely unaffected, humming lightly as we walked, while every step amplified the tightness in my chest.

When we reached the car, Tiffany slid into the driver's seat. I reached for the passenger door, only to find it already occupied. My hand froze.

Someone was already sitting there.

Before I could even voice my surprise, Tiffany chirped. "Oh, Lily, this is Sasha. Sasha-Lily." She shrugged nonchalantly as if this was completely normal.

This was Sasha, 'the Sasha'. The one Tiffany had been spending so much time with lately.

My eyes swept from Tiffany to Sasha. I tried to figure out the best way to react to this absurd situation. Had Tiffany done this intentionally, just to rile me up or rub it in my face.

If she wanted a reaction, she wasn't getting one. Not tonight.

"Hi," I said, keeping my tone calm.

Sasha smiled, all glossy lips and sharp cheekbones. "Hi. It's nice to meet you. I've heard quite a lot about you"

Her voice was low and sultry, like a vinyl spinning under midnight lights. Ginger hair with streaks of flame-red shimmered under the streetlamp. A glinting stud pierced her nose; a delicate silver jewel sparkled above her lip. Her barely-there black crisscross top clung to her skin like water. Paired with a micro skirt and towering heels, she looked like confidence wrapped in fire.

Hard to look away. Harder still to hate her.

"Well, I can't say the same." I shrugged, eyes flicking between them.

Her smile widened, teeth perfect, a dimple piercing flashing. "You could always get to know me," she said, locking eyes with mine.

My throat dried to dust.

"Sure, I'd love that."I rolled my eyes, trying to hide the jolt in my chest, but the ginger had me squirming under her gaze. Beads of sweat gathered on my forehead. My palms went slick.

Why is the air so thick all of a sudden?

She watched me, amused and was that desire in her gaze?

No. I was imagining things. Overthinking. Always overthinking.

But my skin burned under her stare.

Before I could lose myself in the spiral, a sharp honk cut through the thick silence. "Can we leave already!." Tiffany snapped, irritation in her voice.

I scowled at her, and she shot me back a glare-cold and hard.

"What is your-". I was about to unleash a million questions at Tiffany, Sasha placed a hand gently on the car door and smiled at me again. "Please".

Just that word-soft, kind, unexpected.

And suddenly my anger dissolved. It wasn't worth it, not with Sasha looking at me like I was just an awkward shadow.

"Fine." I muttered pulling the back door open.

Tiffany whooped, turning the volume up as the engine roared alive. A pop song blasted through the speakers; she and Sasha sang every word, harmonizing like rehearsed perfection.

I sat in the back, quiet. Watching them. Feeling like a ghost. It felt like I was just tagging along.

An afterthought. A third wheel to my own best friend.

They laughed. Sasha tossed her fiery hair back, the strands catching the breeze. Tiffany nudged her like they shared some secret world I'd been locked out of.

Once, that was us-movie nights, matching pajamas, dares at the mall.

Now?, we rarely talked or did anything together. It seemed like we had nothing in common. Two completely different people. I really missed my best friend.

I sighed, leaning my head against the window as the city lights blurred past. The beat thumped in the car, but all I felt was distance-growing, swallowing.

I could feel Sasha's eyes every now and then from the rearview mirror. Watching me. Quietly. Curiously.

I didn't meet her gaze.

"We're here!" Tiffany chirped as we pulled into the parking lot.

She and Sasha hopped out immediately, a perfect synchronized blur of confidence and chemistry.

And me?

I followed.