Skating With Hearts

If I'd known I was walking straight into the kind of chaos that leaves your heart pounding and your mascara running, I would've stayed in my dorm, curled up with mint chocolate ice cream and practiced my graphic designs in peace.

Instead, I was here at a raging college party and practically glued to Caleb like a second skin.

"You sure you wanna come?" he'd asked earlier with a tone that was already slipping into the signature smugness that annoyed me more than I wanted to admit.

"Of course," I'd said. "I never turn down free pizza, cheap beer and regrettable decisions."

That earned a laugh and a long kiss that made me forget-for just a moment-that I'd been feeling like a fading background character in my own relationship with him.

Caleb smelled like leather and aftershave, wore his Bruins jacket over a tight black tee, and walked with that confident strut that screamed, I own this room.

Eight months together and I still got butterflies when he looked at me the right way. Even though those butterflies were now starving. Dying, really because of lack of attention.

We entered the house and the air was thick with beer, sweat and pheromones. Bodies moved like smoke in the haze of neon lights and bass that was so loud my ribs literally vibrated in my chest.

"Let's find drinks," Caleb said as he tugged me forward. I followed as I tried not to think about how much of this night I was already pretending to enjoy.

Inside, it was like every frat party ever birthed. Loud, chaotic with alcohol flowing like tap water. Couples made out in corners. Girls in crop tops danced on tables. Guys howled as someone did a keg stand.

Still, I didn't let go of Caleb's hand.

Because if I did, I might lose him.

After all, he was already slipping away from me lately, piece by piece. There were the texts that went unanswered. The dates that got "rescheduled." The jokes that felt a little too sharp and a little too real. It was really crazy.

And me? I was spiraling but smiling through it. And acting like it didn't matter that the boy I fell for felt like a stranger these days.

"Sky," he said as he turned to me suddenly with his arm wrapped around my waist in a manner that caused my heart to start beating faster. "You look hot tonight."

I smiled as my heart hiccuped in response. "You sound surprised."

"Nah," he said as he leaned down to kiss me. "Just stating facts."

I kissed him back harder than I meant to. The kiss was a bit desperate and a little messy. But he obviously liked it because he laughed against my lips and pulled me close until I could feel the beat of the music in his chest and I could feel my body stirring up.

When we ended the kiss, we held hands as we waded through the crowd, past beer pong tables and clouded living rooms. I clung to him while I laughed at all the right times and made sure everyone knew he was mine. I don't know why I cared so much about making sure that everyone including him knew he was mine. Maybe it was because I still remembered what it felt like to be invisible. How it felt to be the chubby kid in braces, the shy girl with paint on her fingers and the girl whose father walked out on his family years ago.

Caleb made me feel wanted. Seen. Even if I had to fight for it lately.

And because of that, I held to him tightly like an epiphyte around a tree.

"Shots! Caleb, get your ass over here!" one of his teammates suddenly yelled from the kitchen.

He grinned at me as his blue eyes gleamed with trouble. "One round, babe?"

"Fine," I said with a shrug. "But I'm not dragging your drunk ass home. So you had better be careful."

He laughed, kissed my cheek and disappeared into the chaos.

I leaned against the wall with my arms folded while I tried not to look like I was waiting. But ten minutes turned into twenty and I was so done with waiting especially as I was sick of the damn party already. I found him back in the living room with shots lined up in front of him and his laughter loud and drunk and boyish. He was already two drinks past decent and flirting with the edge of reckless.

Oh God, please, I thought as my eyes rolled to the back of my head in mild disgust.

I was about to go pull him away when it happened.

At first, it was a crash and a 'sorry'. Then a splash. Silence resulted afterwards for a split second.

With my heart beating faster in dread, I turned just in time to see Caleb chest-to-chest with him.

Ryans Maddox.

My heart did that stupid stutter thing it always did when he was around. Captain of the Boston Thunders. My brother's best friend. Six-foot-two with a jaw that could cut glass, tousled brown hair falling into those intense eyes. And the one man I should never, ever be looking at like that.

He was calm. Always was. Even now, with sticky beer soaking his hoodie courtesy of my dumbass boyfriend, he was so calm.

Caleb shoved him hard just then and growled, "You trying to start something, Maddox?"

Ryans barely blinked as he said, "Start something? You spilled it. Chill out. Besides, I said sorry when I bumped into you!"

"Oh, so now you're telling me what to do?"

I was moving to Caleb before I realized it. "Caleb, stop. It was an accident."

He shot me a glare. "Of course you'd take his side."

I blinked at him. "What the hell does that mean?"

Before I got an answer, Caleb lunged at Ryan.

Ryans dodged with infuriating ease, pushing Caleb back with one hand on his chest. But Caleb wasn't done. He swung. Missed. Swung again. Fists flew, furniture crashed and suddenly the entire living room turned into a makeshift rink as the team members came to defend their captains and fight each other.

Thunders vs. Spartans. Hockey boys and damn booze-fueled pride.

Screams erupted from the girls watching the fight. Cups flew. I watched someone get tackled into the sofa.

"Are you serious right now?" I yelled at Caleb and Ryans as I tried to get through the mess. I couldn't believe this was happening already. All because Caleb got drunk.

I tried to push Caleb away again. That's when Ethan showed up. He was my big brother, who right now, was six feet of fury and muscle with a scowl permanently etched into his face. He shoved through the crowd like a damn bulldozer.

"Caleb!" he roared as he grabbed him by the collar. "Back the fuck off."

"Ryan came at me, man-"

Ethan got in his face. "You touch him again and I'll rearrange your teeth."

Then he turned on me. "You need to keep your boyfriend in check, Sky."

"I'm not his babysitter," I snapped at my brother as I felt frustration rose in me like a tsunami.

"Then maybe stop dating idiots," he shot back.

"Ethan-"

But he was already stalking off, probably to drag Ryans out before the cops arrived. I stood there shaking as theroom buzzed with leftover adrenaline and spilled beer. Now that the fight was over, people were beginning to leave the room and the party. Caleb was panting beside me, lips swollen, his hair a mess.

Furious at how I had been dragged into being part of the highlight of this party, I turned to him and with trembling lips, asked, "What the actual hell is wrong with you?"

"He bumped into me."

"He said sorry!"

Caleb scoffed. "You think that makes it okay?"

"It does not? Goodness, Caleb, you embarrassed yourself and me!"

His jaw clenched hard in response. "Why do you always talk down to me?"

"Because you act like a goddamn child!"

"Maybe if you weren't so clingy all the time-"

I flinched hard at that.

Oh God, how I hated that word even if it was true!

He noticed my response but didn't stop.

"Always hovering, always watching me like I'm gonna run off. Maybe I should."

I went cold as I looked him in the eyes.

"You don't mean that," I whispered when I could find my voice.

He shook his head as a bitter laugh escaped. "You want someone perfect? Go flirt with Maddox. Bet he'd love to play hero for his best friend's needy little sister."

I sucked in a breath like he'd punched me in the chest.

"Don't. You. Dare."

His eyes widened, just a little. It was like maybe he realized he went too far.

But it was too late.

I turned on my heel and walked away, rage and humiliation burning under my skin as I did so.

"Sky-wait-babe, come on," he said as he stumbled after me.

I kept walking till I left the frat house. The porch light blurred as tears threatened my eyes but I wasn't going to let him see them. I wasn't going to give him that.

He caught up moments later and grabbed my hand. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I was just pissed, okay?"

I yanked my arm away.

"Don't touch me." My voice was rough with unshed tears as I spoke.

"Skylar," he said softly as he stepped in front of me with his hands cupping my face. "Baby, you know I love you. I'm just drunk and stupid. You're everything to me, okay?"

He kissed me in a manner that was slow, familiar and tender.

It was crazy how moment he was a really mean person and the next moment, he was soft. It was really crazy.

"I don't want to lose you," he whispered against my lips. "Please."

I stood frozen as he kissed me. My heart wanted to believe him even as my brain knew better. But God, I was tired of this back and forth.

So I let him pull me in. Let him hold me.

Let myself believe he was going to be better

"Okay. Okay, " I whispered and let him continue to kiss me even though I knew I was letting myself believe another lie.

I should've trusted my gut. That tight pull in my chest that told me, Don't go. The ache behind my ribs that whispered, Stay home, Sky. But I didn't because again, like last night, Caleb had texted me to come.

"Come tonight. Please. Let's have a do-over."

A do-over. As if all the damage from last night could be erased by a kiss and a shallow apology. As if I hadn't cried myself to sleep questioning whether the person I loved even liked me anymore.

Still, there I was-again-walking up the steps of another off-campus house with my long braid swishing down my back and a sinking feeling in my gut. As usual, the house throbbed with bass-heavy music and the drunken energy of twenty-somethings trying to forget their midterms, their loneliness, their lies.

Red solo cups littered the porch like fallen soldiers. People spilled onto the lawn, smoking, laughing and slurring lyrics to songs that didn't mean anything. I hated it already.

The second I stepped inside, the heat and noise swallowed me whole. The floor vibrated. The air reeked of beer, weed, and sweat. Strobe lights blinked overhead like my own personal warning signs.

Turn around. Leave. Run.

But I didn't.

Instead, I pushed through the crowd while clutching my cup of watered-down punch like it was an armor for me. I scanned faces, shoulder-checked drunk strangers and tried not to drown in the smell of vodka and bad decisions.

"Where the hell is he?" I muttered to myself tiredly as I walked towards the kitchen.

The music grew louder as I got closer and then-

I saw him.

Or more accurately, I saw them.

Caleb.

And Tara Kline.

Tara with her bleach-blonde hair in a high ponytail, nails sharp as razors and her tiny cheer skirt riding scandalously high on her thigh.

And Caleb-my Caleb-pressed against her like gravity demanded it. His mouth fused to hers like he was trying to forget every promise he ever made to me.

My heart didn't break. It shattered.

The sound in the room faded into a high-pitched ringing as I looked at them. The crowd around me blurred at the edges. My feet stopped moving and my body burned-frozen from the outside, but molten inside.

I couldn't look away.

I couldn't unsee it.

Caleb's hand was on her hip. His tongue was in her mouth.

It was like I never existed.

Someone behind me gasped loud enough to cut through the music. "Wait...isn't that Caleb's girlfriend?"

Another voice whispered too loud, "Holy shit. That's her. That's Skylar. She's literally watching him cheat. Holy fucking shit!"

Every part of me locked into place as I watched the scene in front of me-my breath, my spine, my pulse.

But my voice? Oh, my voice didn't falter. Right now, it was the only thing that started moving for me.

"Would you like to explain what the hell you're doing?" I said to them in a voice that was loud and furious and it sliced through the room like a blade.

They broke apart instantly.

Caleb blinked like he'd just woken from a dream he didn't want to end. His lips were red. His hair was messy. But his face...God, his face wasn't even guilty. He didn't look shocked or panicked that I had seen them. He just looked... bored.

"Sky," he said flatly like I was an inconvenience at the moment. "You here already? It's not what it looks like."

"Oh?" I snapped at him in fury that caused my voice to rise the more. "Because it looks exactly like you're trying to eat her face."

Tara smirked just then in response. It was a smug, self-satisfied little twitch of her glossy lips that made my blood boil.

Caleb finally stepped back from her and wiped his mouth. Then he looked at me like I was the problem and shrugged.

"She kissed me," he said to me in a low voice. "And honestly? You've been acting like a damn lunatic lately. It's exhausting. You're always... too much."

My stomach dropped in a way that was sickening and I felt the intense urge to vomit.

It was love was a crime I'd overcommitted. It was like giving a damn was weakness. Because why would this be happening to me.

I blinked back the sting of tears and refused to let him see me fall apart. My chest heaved in despair, my throat tightened with tears and my rage exploded inside of me.

"Oh, I'm too much?" I laughed bitterly as I took a slow step forward. "Too much for what? For you to respect? For you to stay loyal to me? Is that what id fucking too much?"

"Skylar-" he started but I was already raising my hand and with a calmness that scared even me, I tilted my cup over his head.

The punch splashed in bright, sticky arcs and dripped down his hair, his nose and his shoulders. He yelped and stumbled back, his arms flailing, and his blue eyes wide and filled with embarrassment and fury.

The room exploded in gasps and laughter.

"Oops," I said sweetly to him as he screamed. "Guess I'm still being too much."

In front of me, Tara made a snide sound that was half-laugh and half-scoff.

That's when I turned to her.

"You know, Tara, I'd call you a backstabbing whore but that would be an insult to cutlery."

Her jaw almost dropped to the floor in response.

"And Caleb?" I added as I looked him up and down like he was gum on the bottom of my boot. "You can keep each other. Trash belongs together."

And with that, I spun on my heel with my braid whipping behind me and stormed through the sea of stunned faces, laughter, and whispers.

Outside, the cold slapped my cheeks. My chest was still heaving and the tears still didn't come.

Not yet.

Because I wasn't really sad.

I was just done.

I was done shrinking.

Done forgiving.

Done pretending the slow death of my self-worth was love.

I heard my name being shouted behind me but I didn't turn.

He didn't deserve another word from me.

Let him sit in that kitchen, soaked in fruit punch and humiliation and wrapped around a girl who only looked good in a mini skirt.

Let him realize too late that he lost the girl who would've moved mountains just to hold his hand.

But me?

I wasn't waiting for him to realize it.

I was already walking away.

And this time?

I wasn't coming back.

By Monday, the entire campus had picked sides and unfortunately, most of them didn't pick mine.

The rumors started slow, like a leaky faucet, until they flooded every hallway, every class and every damn social feed. Caleb wasn't just letting the breakup breathe. No. He was rebranding it to save his reputation.

According to him, I was clingy, bossy and toxic.

"She was obsessed, bro," I overheard him saying in a video that someone recorded at the rink. "Checked my location twenty times a day like a psycho. Blew up my phone. Didn't want me to talk to other girls or even my own teammates. She was basically a prison warden in lip gloss."

The was laughter in the background. It was obvious a lot of people were listening to him rubbish my name. One of his goons added, "Total drama queen. She deserved what she got, totally."

She deserved what she got.

Somehow, it was that part hurt the most.

When I listened to it just once, my fingers clenched so hard around my phone I thought the screen would crack.

I didn't cry in public. Not in the lecture hall. Not in the quad. Not on the bus.

Nah, my tears waited until I was alone in my room, curled on my bed with my blanket pulled over my head and a rage in my chest that I didn't know how to name.

This wasn't just heartbreak. It was pure humiliation.

And it stuck.

The whispers followed me like shadows. There were the girls raising eyebrows, guys giving me pity looks and people pretending to be subtle when they clearly weren't.

"Is that her?"

"Yeah, the crazy ex."

"Didn't she throw her drink on him? So extra."

"I'd cheat too if my girlfriend was that controlling."

I hated every second of it. And yet I still showed up to class. Still walked with my head held high. Still sat in the front row like my world hadn't tilted sideways.

But every day, I felt a little more like a ghost in my own body.

Until Ethan had had enough.

Ethan, my protective older brother and the only person I didn't have to pretend for, was the one who rushed to the rescue.

He knocked on my door, came into my room with a protein bar and a tired look on his face and then flopped beside me on the bed like he belonged there. Like we were still kids and hiding from thunderstorms.

"I hate him," he said finally, like every thing was very personal to him. "Like, genuinely hate his guts. I don't care how many points he scores or how good he looks in a jersey. He's dead to me for how he hurt you. I so fucking hate him."

I didn't respond and just waited for him to continue. I didn't have the strength to talk to much.

"Alright," he continued, "enough moping. You're coming with me to the team barbecue this evening."

"No." I didn't want to see people. At this point in my life, I hated all of them, not just Caleb.

"Yes."

I sighed and turned my head away from him. "Ethan, I'm not in the mood for burgers and awkward conversations."

"Sky, you've been wearing the same hoodie for two days and you haven't posted a single savage story since Friday. This is serious. I'm staging an intervention and it is going to work. I refuse that it be otherwise."

I turned and gave him a blank look.

He sighed. "C'mon. No drama. No Caleb. Just good vibes, grilled meat, and me throwing the gist better than every guy on the roster."

Tempting but still-

"I don't want their pity," I said in a voice that was beginning to turn teary.

He turned serious. "You won't get pity. I swear. You'll get respect especially if you walk in there like the queen you are. Let them see what Caleb fumbled. I trust you will."

He knew how to twist the knife just right.

So I went.

***

The barbecue was in a large backyard two blocks from campus and the scent of grilled steak and roasted corn hit me before the music did.

People laughed around picnic tables. Someone was doing keg stands. A couple of the guys tossed a football back and forth on the lawn while a Bluetooth speaker blasted a summer playlist that didn't quite match the cool spring air.

Even though the environment was nice to be in, I kept my arms folded tight and my eyes glued to my phone so I wouldn't talk to people.

To my dismay, Ethan hovered beside me like a sentry.

Every few minutes, someone from the team wandered over to say hi. Each one tried to sound casual, like they hadn't heard the rumors. Like they weren't picturing the video of me dumping punch on Caleb's head on a loop in their minds.

"Hey, Skylar, you good?"

"Glad you came."

"Heard you roasted Caleb. That was...iconic."

I gave each of them a polite nod and a weak smile before returning to my screen. I wasn't here for validation. I wasn't here to fix my image.

I was here because Ethan was relentless, damn it.

Still, the compliments continued to come. Most sounded awkward but some were sincere.

One guy-Jeremiah, the backup goalie-grinned nervously as he said to me, "Honestly, the way you walked out? Kinda legendary."

That one made me almost smile. Almost.

But none of it fixed what Caleb had broken. Not just my heart had been broken. My trust, my sense of safety and the belief that love, when given fully, would be held with care, had been broken.

I wasn't sure I could get that back.

So I stood there with arms folded tighter around me while the wind blew strands of hair into my eyes and the smell of charred meat clung to my clothes and tried to forget that someone I once loved was actively poisoning my name like it was sport.

Ethan came back to me with two sodas and nudged my arm. "Smile," he whispered. "You're at a party not a funeral."

I gave him a look. "It's the death of my dignity. Close enough."

He chuckled and handed me the can.

I opened it but didn't drink. My gaze wandered to the fire pit where some of the younger players huddled around and was trying to laugh quietly at something on someone's phone.

I didn't need to look to know it was about me.

"Don't," Ethan said as he followed my gaze. "They're idiots. Ignore them."

I tried. God knows I tried.

But deep down, part of me wanted to scream. To shout about every lie Caleb had told. To post the entire truth with screenshots, timestamps and receipts.

But that wasn't me.

I didn't want revenge. I wanted peace.

I wanted to not care.

And I wasn't there yet.