Self Discovery

SELF DISCOVERY

BOOK 1:29 AM 10/11/2014

AUTHOR

MICHAEL ZONA SAKALA

(c) 2014 Michael Sakala

(c) 2019 Michael Sakala

To God be the Glory.

APPRECIATION

I would like to say a big thank you to the Almighty for giving me life and for his amazing grace before and during the time of writing this book . I thank him for giving me a wonderful family and all my friends in Zambia, Zimbabwe, South Africa, Nigeria, Ghana, Congo DRC, Tazania, UK and USA for all your love, inspiration, encouragement and support which really helped me to stand.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Wendy Gurule and Faith Brown from USA thanks for proof reading this book you have been such a big encouragement to me. My sister Feli Sakala you are wonderful and thanks for keeping my manuscript for over 4 years and for giving it back to me on 30-03-19. Dad you believed I will do this even if many did not it made a great difference in my life. Pastor Allan you are such a great mentor who saw the best in me when the world saw the worst in me thanks also for proof reading this book. Brian, Doris and all my siblings thanks for being there for me.

INTRODUCTION

They say people die because of lack of knowledge and i say the same thing over and over again. That's why i say if you discover you recover and make impact. I have suffered much in the past because of lack of knowledge of i was, something thing that pushed me into deep loneliness, sadness among many other things. I wrote this book in the year 2014 when I was a caretaker looking after a property and I was motivated to come up with this contribution to help out someone like me. "I used to see myself the way you probably see yourself" are the lyrics from Kirk Franklin 's "Imagine me song" with Mary Mary. When I heard this song for the very first time I thought Kirk had read my diary and picked up stuff and did the song because he sung my life I was certain, what a coincidence?

But the moment i took time out to figure out how things where going with my life like in the story of the prodigal son thats when things begun to change for me especially when i decided to go through the all process and it has helped me a whole lot and it could do the same for you even more. As you read this book about Self Discovery I want you to understand that I the author of this book I'm a product of self discovery. I have come from a past of insecurities, drug addiction ans abuse. I have come from down that misery insecure road which some call the end of the road and I'm standing here with a smile because by God's grace I have self discovered now it's your turn to do the same as well. I have no doubt that if you read this book slowly and stay committed to applying the numerous self discovery principles, you will see yourself on top of things that have held you sown for such a long time now. Read, practice and unlock your full potential that makes you not just one in the crowd but to stand out of the crowd.

CONTENTS

1. WHY SELF DISCOVERY

2. WHAT LAUGHTER AND JOY ADDS TO YOUR LIFE

3. DEALING WITH SHYNESS

4. UNDERSTAND YOUR WORTH

5. BE YOURSELF

6. DARE TO DO MORE

Many people in the world today are moving from place to place, job to job, relationship to relationship, career to career e.t.c because of not understanding who they really are. ''One day i acquired a new phone so i was restless, i wanted to know how it worked like, all the functions i mean everything, i left no stone unturned and still didn't have that satisfaction of having a phone even if it was mine. Even if it was a device i had bought with my own money, i wanted another one and why? if you asked me, because i wanted a device that would blow me away with its amazing features that would simply beat my imagination and match my explorer mind. With time I realised that i was moving from phone to phone and still no phone satisfied me a 100 percent so as a result i learnt one big lesson to say "the problem was not with the phone but with me". I always wanted more you can say a feeling of dissatisfaction on my part, not that wanting more is bad but because my inexperienced mind at that time wanted more as a matter of fact I was even wanting something that hadn't been made yet. But coming to self discovery its important to know why its necessary and a must to self discover in the first place.

As you read this eye opening and mind sharpening resource that will be your relevant guide to discover who you are you must first be sure if you are read for the involving yet simple task that enables you to self recover. Self discovery is cardinal process for for everyone . It's tried, trusted processes are the sure and only way one can use to self recover or self redeem. To tell you what, when you where born everything was done for you but as you kept on growing you had to learn to do certain things by your self and certain things have still been done for you till this day so this self discovery book is one book that you've got to read through at the same time putting into practice the "do it yourself" easy to apply principals that has worked for other people from every continent including me. Self discovery is not a scary process but its a set of easy processes that you can to do on your own. At the same time there is need for you to identify some strategic people and things that will help you on the way to self discovery. In the next chapters be my guest as I put you through the applied basic principles and real life examples on how you will achieve it. I'm so glad that I had been a student of experience which the wise say is the best teacher. But the time you will get to the last page of this resource you will be in a place and position to conquer everything that has been conquering you for years. It could be inferiority complex, bad attitude, bad morals, drug addiction which I started battling with since my teenage years or it could be discontentment about your race, colour, height, body weight, source of income, painful past experience etc maybe somebody said something terrible to you that really tore your self esteem apart. You could have been cheated or abused but know for sure that you are not the first one to go through so much pain. I have been down that road you call the dead end. They have called me a monkey before and not that I was a monkey and I was hurt until through self discovery I learnt that nobody can make me feel that terrible without my permission. This book will answer your inner questions and bring you closer to the light at the end of that dark tunnel and only you will usher yourself into the shinning light because as life coach my duty is to get you to the place where you are destined to be but to enter your destiny is your choice just like failure to do so is equally your choice. I usually advise people to read such resources in quite and solitary places away from any possible distractions.

In this world which we live in we find many people who don't know who they really are. Such people have grown to live very unhappy and unfulfilled lives of no contentment with who they are and what they need to do best in order to stand tall like the statue of liberty. My emphasis is on the importance for every world citizen to know who they really are because the sooner each person gets to do that, the better each person can be which would result in a society full of productive, happy and healthy citizens of mother earth. The first advantage of of self discovery comes in the knowledge of you knowing every thing you need to know about who you are and the life you deserve to live. Knowing everything that weighs you down and gives you the know how about how you can take advantage of a chance to make a serious decision which will help become the person you want to become. It helps you on how best you can utilise your abilities and for you to change what you need changed about yourself also what not. It boarders much of you taking full responsibility of your life as you are the CEO of your own life. As human being from whichever part of the world we come from its important to know that we all at some point need to go through the said process in many areas of our lives. Truth be told because living here on earth is no bed of roses and there are things we can change like from stopping to support hooked to starting to support soccer. Or you can quit eating meats and dairy products to become vegetarian, you can quit buzz and start softies e.t.c because you have power to change certain things in your life nevertheless know for sure that even as you have power to change certain things in your life, there are things you can't change like who your parents and siblings are. You can't change the family you come from, you can't change from tall to short, if you have green eyes you can't make them brown so when starting your self discovery adventure, you must know that you can change what you can and leave what you can't.

You are a human being and what you must know is that you are beautiful/handsome meaning that you are special and unique, loving, lovable, talented and gifted just the way you are. We are all different people who have different energies, looks, preferences, personalities positive and negative sides, successes and failures e.t.c and that explains it all, we are just human beings good but not perfect, so its wise to keep away from trying to be perfect its just doesn't work out, its a waste of time energy and effort.

Self acceptance is what we should all achieve because agony is being the you that you can't accept to be and if you don't accept yourself know that no one can accept you so self discovery is nothing without self acceptance which is the wise thing we all ought to do as the power of self acceptance comes with great responsibilities. In accepting who you are, its an error for you to accept yourself for the negative ill stuff e.g sayings like ''i am an armed robber'' I am a prostitute'' ''i am a lier'' e.t.c because accepting who you are means accepting the (YOU) you will always live with or the (you) you will be so since lying is a bad thing, nobody loves to be lied to, so telling the truth is a good thing and so in self discovery we talk about change and not just any kind of change but change for the better.

Learn what it is that you are good at and what you love. ''when i became a teenager i had no idea who i really was and through out teenagehood, i tried to be a bully, mean, i then tried to play basket ball, soccer, tennis, pool e.t.c but i was not successful in the above mentioned things i tried out plus many more and through out my teenagehood i was a mess, why? simple, i didn't know who i was and so i ended up doing things my friends were doing. Those that people expected me to do, things which were not meant for me, things i did without contentment in my inner person, because even as i tried my best working hard in those areas i couldn't attain achievements and deep down in my heart i had no joy. In all that i did I felt a feeling of discontentment, wasted time and energy e.t.c but the lesson i learnt here was as clear as glass, i never took time to do a self discovery survey by my self or with the help of others like family and friends, career guidance teacher e.t.c then i discovered that it didn't have to be basketball but creative writing, that it didn't have to be pool but motivational speaking, that it didn't have to be a mean Michael but a Michael with a heart so big, a brother and friend off all. Through self discovery i also learnt that before, i waisted time on just anything to a point that i lived a life without goals, targets, focus, joy, patience, perseverance, determination, courage, accomplishment and fulfilment. Because i would do just anything like start a project this minute and dump it the next. Start another and abandon it for another just like that. In all that a failure was something i was best known to be and referred to. I kept on experiencing set backs even at the point of breakthrough and I was not loving the handwriting on the wall.

When i discovered then i recovered. I stopped doing just about anything and i realized that my life had become less complicated each day that came by and guess who benefited from all that?, it was me and all the sudden life has become awesome for me just like it's gonna become awesome for you. So now if you are really serious about this and you want to be the person who knows your real self thats fine, believe me it's one of the most greatest things you could ever do and so i wish you all the best. If you are tired of being in shadows of others having dreams and never getting to live them then you have got to self discover with a serious sense of commitment. Self discovery is the process through which you get to know who you are and analyse what you want to do, in business when we talk about a product, the marketer and advertiser knows what product they are selling. Marketing or advertising is what makes it easier to sell the product or brand. Just so you know, in life we human beings are brands and products which is why it's very important for any one to know this as it helps you to become the best product and best brand that that you were born to be so that you can quit being the unpleasant brand circumstances and ignorance turned you to into. Begin by knowing yourself starting from your fears, attitude, strengths, weaknesses, abilities, desires, likes, dislikes, expectation, dreams, preferences, personality, socializing, talents, ambitions, vision, purpose e.t.c and see what impact it all has on your life, education, finances, family, friends, emotions, love life, career, society e.t.c. Then you will be required to put your life under scrutiny and see what it is that you want to be a part of your present life and what not. Doing your level best in the spirit of moving forward, improving on what needs improvement then changing what needs to be changed while accepting that which can't be changed forgetting that which can't be changed. Know that it's unwise to fight trying to change what can't be changed. In self discovery that's why we look so much at self acceptance at individual level accepting your race, gender, family, yourself by this I'm talking about your looks, tribe, height, gender, complexion e.t.c

Self acceptance in this context is cardinal because if you can't accept who you are then you shouldn't expect anyone to accept you, self discovery is a process depending on how committed you are by the results are guaranteed and are sure , through the process you may at some point feel like your life sucks, but I have this job and I'm paid to assure you that it doesn't and to tell you that you feel that way because you have a tendency of nurturing negative thoughts and building up a negative state of mind you should try your best not to build in the first place. I and so many people who in time past took that same path have been down on that terrible road a couple of times but we didn't remain down on that road, no, it's a choice that others and I made each one on his on free will. We made such a powerful choice making that awesome decision that only the brave can make knowing that if you put your mind to good use is could just be that powerful tool that can turn your life around for the better as its that powerful and everything banks on the choices you make in life. If you don't use the brain well then it can turn to be a terrible weapon that I call "an enemy within " working against you in many ways than i can mention. That's why on your quest to self discover the most reliable and effective way that guarantees you joy, success, positive mind and attitude, good life, contentment etc. It's one way that shows the helps your unwrap your inner beauty. You get a great chance and resources to be branded as somebody who is a right minded person, somebody people would find easy to relate to. I'm not an internet guru trying to show you a way out that seems smart but can't be implemented or is impossible for you just so I play smart to boost my sales I'm guiding you from my personal experiences and that of some people close to me. I look at the realities that life it self has taught me and other people that i know. So as you do your level best to self discover know for sure that you are a unique person who probably support Manchester united and you find your son supporting Liverpool and thats fine. But know for sure that there are people who are better than you and those whom you are better than. I'm discouraging you from insecure habits of comparing your self to another person. It would do you no good just stop it you can only be yourself, that's the best person you can ever be.

You must try and understand that no body is perfect. In my life i have seen alot of people who at some point tried to be perfect as you self discover know that there is no such thing as a perfect person and so quit playing perfect man or woman its a wrong script of an imaginary box office movie on the desk of Steve Spielberg in hollywood. So if you bought a brown shoe or a red dress it's because you like it or it was the most affordable shoe or dress that you liked, so when you put it on feel free or wear it around at church, school or for the movie or a date and as people will be looking at your shoe or dress do not pay them attention because its you wearing it or putting it on because its yours as you bought it because you love it, at times people may be looking at you and you would think that they are looking down on you when they are busy envying you. To self discover is to grasp on the understanding of being confortable in your own skin, attaining the necessary knowledge that is meant to help you to be confortable in your own skin thats why you must know that as long as you have a lower self esteem, even if you wear the same shoe with dormer US president Barrack Obama, you may feel as if your shoe sucks when it actually doesn't suck, when its the best shoe in the world and you feel that way due to lower self esteem. As you self discover it's important to make choices that would enhance a healthy state of mind because i have seen at my former school and during my time as youth president some really good looking people with very low self esteem, cute people who couldn't even keep a relationship due to emotional insecurities thats why i say no one is ugly, what can be ugly about a person is his or her negative state of mind that's what i call ugly trust me on this, the truth is that life is how you make it, especially the choices you make for your self, knowing that what they say that ''the way you make the bed is how you sleep on it''. Is the reality of life.

Earlier i spoke about every human being as a product, the good thing about goods is that they sells and their market value is good to a point that there is almost no reason to even give unnecessary praise as a good product speaks for it self while a bad product doesn't and the only time it does, it has few people asking for it in stores and it's market value is almost give away and why because it's not even a good product, it can be injurious to you and your surrounding so make sure to undergo a self discovery quest. There is little to give but a whole lot to benefit which is why i urge you time and again to spend time, effort and money on things that you can change. Things worth changing and leave out what you can't change, you can change your behavior from bad to worse which is not good but you better change from bad to good like i did change from an insecure person, a drunkard and booty licker, one night stand jerk e.t.c to a dedicated writer, speaker, actor and director and social, political commentator being that voice when it's needed the most. The other things you should consider to change is attitude, dress code, relationships, business type, self image and self esteem.

Self esteem is basically the the way you see yourself while self worth is the way you feel about your self, the confidence you have in your self worth, the way you think about your self in society, at your house, at work and with around your friends. The image you portray or you allow others to perceive you for. It's basically the confidence you have in your own skin being yourself while self image is the knowledge one has in the abilities, reputation etc and its the picture one paints of himself as to be perceived in a particular or like manner here a self image is what you build for your self and its important for you to present your self or advertise yourself in a certain positive way. Even to market yourself as a brand and product. There is need for you to be that person who can be of positive influence in the lives of other through your education, confidence, hard work, determination, how sure or not you are about something, how secure you are, how loving or caring you are, how talented you are at something and it's through self discovery that you can build a good self esteem as well as self image that borders on how you carry your self in isolation or in public. That's why you must invest so much in yourself knowing always that you only have yourself after God

, friends would leave or disappear family would turn their backs on you but how would you stand and face life even in the darkest moments or unpleasant circumstances of your life when it will be only you and God on your side. That's why the most importance relationship you must do everything to maintain is the one you have with Jesus. Self image is belt through behavior, attitude and personality, through actions and reactions. Good memories and bad ones. Sweet ones and painful ones and your ability or inability to forgive yourself and others. How you handle the past if you are not so tied to it or if you are. If you are able to move on or not. There are things that endanger the self esteem of so many people in life no matter how attractive, rich or important they are in society like fear, failures, frustration, rejection, to be a victim of rape, to be a victim of defilement, to be a victim of gender based or domestic violence or this like cheating, to discover that you have been cheated, brutality, inability to handle anger or loss of employment, loss of a loved one, loss of business and connections etc would influences on your self esteem negatively. While things like success in exams, scoring goals in a soccer match, to love and to be loved ect will influence positively on your self esteem which influences your self worth and image. It doesn't matter how good or bad a person is and so we have a good self image and a bad one but my only job here is to talk about a good self image other wise i would be the most irresponsible writer to use the power of writing wrongly by encouraging people to go astray.

A musician like Fally Ipupa is known to be one of the best rhumba musicians in the world known not for his music alone but for his looks and attractiveness to the opposite sex, you can tell of the public image is Fally that he is a star, he doesn't just say it, he rocks it on stage and in music videos then he wears it, looks it and lives it. He is a brand and thats how he has branded himself but if i can ask you a question as unique as you are no matter which part of the world you come from or you live in, just how well have you branded your self?

You may say you are not as good looking as your friend or someone else you know and you disqualify your self from taking a chance on a gorgeous lady/ man who drives you nuts some body you have developed feelings for, but in case you may be making a great mistake if you did that. But for a change I urge to look at your face in the mirror and stare at your face and say ''i am beautiful if you are a lady or say im handsome if you are a male. Because you are unique and chilly hot. You are good looking for sure and able to love and be loved'' because what you say about yourself is what you will become in other words what you are, being positive about your self impacts positively on yourself esteem.

Self discovery puts you in the confortable driving seat of your life making you realise that you are not a good for nothing but you are beautiful, special, unique and one of a kind which is very true because there is no one like you. This realisation may seem simple but just so you know it can be the biggest realisation of your life and don't wish to be somebody else you can be happy and succesful being you self because that's what matters.

In self discovery you need to know what you are good at, are you good at being a model, a rapper, a lawyer, a dj, an astronaut, an actress, a writer, a humanitarian, a pastor, a poet e.t.c. go for it as long as you have thought about it and you are convinced in your heart to say that's what you want to do or pursue with all your heart then go for it. Don't try to do music because your friend is doing it that could be his talent while yours could be poetry like Ludo or motivation speaking like Smooth IK etc it should be something you do out of passion. To be truly succesful in life it depends on meditating on the book of the law of God from the Bible, see Joshua 1:8, Psalms 1:1-3. It then goes to being passionate about what you do or aspire to be, on your way to success know that through self discovery you become aware of the fact that the easy road leads to no where, even in being your self and fighting for your dreams, ambitions, desires and all that you desire to be or accomplish in life you must know that trials, challenges, tribulations will be there at one point or the other that's why i say do not be discouraged and do not quit for its a known fact that quitters never win and winners never quit. Happiness and success is not for the weak but for the strong, brave and courageous. I want you to know that all it takes is for you to self discover so that you self recover. Why must I self recover? You must self recover so that your life will not be anything less of what it could have been. Maybe by now you should be an actor at hollywood, a pastor with a big ministry, a powerful gospel artist, an evangelist winning souls for our Lord Jesus Christ, or you could be running a charitable organisation dedicated to cater for the needs of the homeless people, the street kids, the aged, the disabled or you could have established a great social network company or you could have become an astronaut etc but because of not knowing yourself you could be down that road. That's why the self recovery aspects is important so that you recover and become everything you were born to become.

Self discovery gives you a chance to know if you are good at something or not or if people are impressed or offended by your behaviour or even your dress code and based on peoples reaction towards what you do e.t.c in society if for example in Lusaka Zambia, a young lady who walks in a very short mini skirt in town, people mostly would rip her clothes off stripping her naked in broad day light to use her as an example to other ladies that would have the mind to do the same and the reason for stripping her clothes or ripping them is because dressing in an immoral way is contrary to the cultural values of we Africans. At times they could even resort to beating her up in broad day light in displeasure which shows the fact that well meaning Zambians wouldn't take kindly to immoral behavior, even if the ladies intensions are not to seduce men and she is doing it all in the name of fashion but peoples reaction would send a strong message and the woman may be said to be an immoral person even if she's not. That's why as we encourage and life coach on self discovery we don't encourage immorality on the quest to self discovery because self discovery is all about you being a good product with a good name and integrity with a purpose driven life or fulfilment and success. The Bible says a good name is better than riches, its better that silver and gold. Every thing we do right or wrong has consequences some are short term and some are long term but the consquencess i would encourage you to aspire for are those that are for right doings.

Self discovery is not a one day venture, it could take months even years depending on your personal commitment and availability of opportunities.

Self discovery has proven that with discipline it could be well with some one while with lack of discipline it's proven fact that things can really go bad for some one, so responsibility is something that we all ought to have in us, discipline is key to many things such as good health, success, long life, good reputation, self worth e.t.c so we should know that in self discovery, you can't self discover by over speeding in the fastest lane or having casual sex with a club hooker without using protection as in most cases your actions can cost you so much including your precious life.

Self discovery lets us know about nature, you can't fight with nature because everybody who tries to do that fights against himself or herself, know your place anywhere you may be in life, if you are a son, daughter, mother, father, e.t.c that's your place in the family and it's wise to do the right thing, as a child you might love your parent or not but always remember they are your parent something that you can't change so you can't fight nature just respect your parent despite there errors and short comings. Parents should love their children as there is nothing that nourishes one's soul like love given, support your kids and mentor them by you being the good example and role model to your children.

If you are a teenager know that if you are female you will one day be either a house wife or a career married woman, to have a commitment to your husband and child bearing including raising your children with mounts of responsibility. If you are a male know that your being the head of a family one day will be a must, to be a husband, father, provider, protector, e.t.c, as a female your responsibility will be loving, caring, submitting, obedient, respectful, supporting, e.t.c and a male to be loving, providing, caring, respectiful, faithful, open to suggestions e.t.c those are some of the natural roles for human beings. You can't fight nature, nature is nature we can't fight it or turn away from.

In the year 2008 i watched a movie tittled Hitch starring Will Smith after a friend told me that it could enhance my skill when it came to the opposite sex and it was at a time when i was dealing with attitude problems, so i sat home Saturday afternoon and i started watching the movie, when i was done i wanted to basicly try out what i saw in the movie and i wanted to be exactly like Mr Hitchens for the role Will played ''The Love Doctor'' to some extent i tried out some moves and mostly worked out but there was no fun in all that. I was not the Love Doctor and why in the world did I even think of playing a role from the fiction movie that was pure script work of an expert entertainer? I guess i was nuts in the head and sick of being by myself with nobody to tell me a sweet good night because i was insecure and could not face a young lady to ask her to be that bright sunshine i needed in my life. How i knew i had grown past that phase was when i proposed a young lady until i overcame i tell you she was beautiful. Before my self discovery each moment i played with no script thing would end up terrible so things certainly crushed on me so I used to have lots of good starts but disastrous endings all because i did not self discover and i was a stranger in my own skin. So the whole thing was a lesson for me, there was nothing wrong in me trying to enhance my skills but there was everything wrong in me playing a character i had seen on TV, as i discovered i was lying to myself acting up and all that playing Mr Hitchens the pain i suffered was enough lesson to say ''it's a disaster to try and be some one else i am not''

Self discovery is a process of discovering yourself and why should you? simple, you are the president of your own life and you ought to discover in order to recover and according to research most people who did a self discovery survey realised that they lived life not as they should have, that before they just could do about anything or nothing. Always living in unnecessary compromise wasting time on things they shouldn't have been waiting time on, many people who don't really know who they are are usually unproductive, unhappy, unfulfilled and not succesful. Truth is that you only live once and today is the day for you to live your life and make the decisions that you will act upon. Knowing that tomorrow is a day nobody is promised that's why at the end of each day put your life under scrutiny and ask your self before you go to bed if you are happy about how you lived life and who you had been all day long, see if it gives you the satisfaction that if tomorrow never comes you lived best each day as your last with joy then that's awesome satisfaction, e.t.c knowing that you are good and not perfect yet you are the best person you know, the best person around others. Not that it should stir up pride in you but always live by the rule that has elevated people into greatness the rule of humility.

Self discovery is a day to day process, you require to have some patience and a commitment with nothing after all there is absolutely nothing to loose but there is everything to gain. Now here is one thing you shouldn't forget, there is need that you must develop an habit of keeping a journal, diary, memo and a to do list that you should discipline yourself to stick to no matter what, because you must also know that keeping time, time management, project management and undertaking, small things like telling the truth, being honest, faithful, hardworking, passionate as well as knowing that passion should not lack in all that you do, as you self discover be passionate about who you are and what's around you. Whether or not it's okay to aspire for a particular thing but know that contentment shouldn't lack in you. Always aspire to be the you that God made you to be the you that you would want to be over and over again.

TOPIC 2

WHAT LAUGHTER ADDS TO YOUR LIFE

Laughter is a great thing and moment and when laughter occurs people are at peace and jovial making there nerves calm and stress free. Many are the times when most people are just too serious worrying about tomorrow, finances, kids, social status, political ambition, their weight, appearance, ageing, retirement, exams, relationships e.t.c and no matter how often people can worry they still cant change a thing but would still be in misery or stress, high blood pressure which could even lead many which has led many to death among other things would prey on so many people because they are just too serious and can't take even one moment of laughter but i say laughter is a healing to the heart and upliftment to the soul. That's why they say that life is not about how many breaths one takes but the moments that takes one's breath away.

Laughter is on the external expression of joy and amusement in the inside of some one, but to be honest you need laughter in your life, we all do. Joy and laughter won't just come to you , you must do something about it because you are the architect of your own destiny and so you have the power to find joy and laughter in your life and around you because it's your right and you deserve to be happy. If you were asked to choose between happiness and sadness i know that deep within your soul you would choose happiness and the reason is very obvious nobody wants to be sad and many times people are sad because of all the wrong choices many people tend to make e.g failure to forgive your friend which pushes you into killing that friend of yours would be said to be an act of wrong choice making but back to the issue at hand, if you are reading this and you agree that you are sad and you hardly laugh or smile because there is no joy in your marriage, work, social life, love life, or you tired of being poor, unemployed or single e.t.c i want you to stand on your feet today and rise about your worries and fears and everything that weighs you down, in the first chapter i talked about self discovery where you've got to be the you, you would be proud to be over and over again, but then i talked about change and the change you can effect e.g. you can change from a sad person to a happy person, unpopular person to a famous person, from a bitter one to a sweet heart and so on and so forth.

Identify what it is that is making you sad ''there are certain men, successful men in business but was not a happy men because they hardly spend time home with their lovely wives and their good-looking kids, they used to think that their wives were being ungrateful for always demanding love and attention, they used to think their wives couldn't appreciate that all that they had to do they were doing it for them and the kids providing them with all the material things they desire. Yet in reality they appreciated the good life but they needed a part of their husband. Their women needed their husbands and the kids needed there fathers so they could play video game together as well as ask help when doing home work, and they sometimes needed some bed time stories to put them to sleep but fortunately they started trying to spend time with their wives and playing soccer and video game the kids who wished it had always been like that and good for them. While others did not realise and the sad scenario is happening in so many homes from around the world. A certain man loved to spend time with his family he would spend all day in laughter and coming from the office every day with a bouquet of roses for his lovely wife and gifts for his two boys, but it wasn't by accident his life took a good shape he had battled within his soul trying to find the reason why he was not happy but for him it took many years but why should you suffer many years of sadness and no laughter hoping it would come in the future you are not assured of when the best you can do is get up and realise the importance that laughter can bring in your life, ask your self what it is that you think can make you laugh and smile is it a hollywood comedy? or a tango dance? is it a dance or spending time at a theatre?, is it going fishing with friends or hanging around with buddies? e.t.c what is it that gives you so much joy and laughter? for me it's my family we love jokes, watching comedies and shows together teasing and nick naming ourselves with names of the funniest un cool characters in the movies, wishing the day would last forever, i love acting crazy roles and record videos on my camera phone with hope to get many hits on youtube.

Let me say this one time, if it's being in the arms of that some one special then do it tell them how much you love them while you still can, if you don't have some one yet you crush on some one do not be afraid to them how you sincerely feel but be responsible in all that and fight for your honest and pure feeling, knowing also that at times you might be so crazy about some one who might not be crazy about you. I have learnt that loving some one is not always that they will return your love but don't get it twisted love is certainly a beautiful thing that can make any rainy day feel like it's a fly sunny day after the storm, to tell you what no one is condemned to be alone, every one has that one special person for them just keep it joyful every day, self discovery has proven and still does prove that when you get up from slumber and fall in love the joy will come not only from how deep your feelings are for some one but from the knowledge of knowing first that you are accepted , wanted, appreciated, loved, cared for, special, loving, lovable and just the joy of belonging to some one and that some one belongs to you. To be in love or a relationship belt on love, attraction, honesty, communication and mutual understanding joy and laughter are guaranteed.

If you asked David Beckham about some of those breath taking moments in his life he will tell you so many moment that has brought joy, fulfilment above all laughter in his life not only as a legend english soccer player but also in business and private life but one thing is for sure putting the ball behind the net after kicking a free kick, penalty, and just a shot on target has given him so much joy. So it's absolute that there is joy and laughter every time you succeed or achieve at something, sometimes it's not always big things that bring joy and laughter but the small things that we don't mostly think about quite often, i just gave an example of a man i call my great soccer legend of all times, when i had my first kiss i went on and i was all smiles and laughing in my room again and again it was crazy i thought about joy and laughter, i thought about the first day i saw her, that time i felt scared to approach her until i finally got the courage and strength to approach her and my intentions known to her, i thought of the moment she told me yes all that joy in the soul till the first kiss, that up to this time i smile and rejoice knowing that because i had taken out sometime time to self discover then i had some one special accepting me and i knew that my life would never be the same again.

Self discovery brings about one important aspect in life, the joy of success, fulfilment etc just remember the last time you succeeded at something, whether it's passing an exam or a job interview, a movie audition and a star search or got promoted at work, got your first pay check i mean how did you feel? if you said good could sound like an under statement to me, if you say great and 'wow' then that's the deal, i could give you a chance to watch a movie at the cinemas with me and i would buy you a Luther Vandross CD because i love people who love and cherish every moment no matter how small it may be because it brings joy and laughter. What am i saying here? that success in any area of life be it in something small or great that brings joy and laughter also makes you know that you are not a good for nothing, but let's you know that you are actually good at something and this does not only boost ones self esteem and self worth. It also pushes you to even greater heights in life.

A lazy man is mostly not a happy man because of so many reasons we are not going to look at in this issue but the ones we will outline in details in the next issue. I will tell you the benefits of laughter and joy in this issue as i believe if self discovery could not enhance joy and laughter then i wouldn't have faith in self discovery and i wouldn't even have spent my days writing this book and four years before releasing this book that brings to you these self discovery essential principals.

Laughter is healthy to any human being and this has been scientifically proven that a person who laughs often times has no healthy issues like high blood pressure, stress, depression, stress, ageing e.t.c In this world believe it or not a person who laughs alot is a better person because he or she is a joyful person believe it or not. Life is living it every day and not spending days watching others live life. Being alive means to live in every sense of the word and not to merely exist being a part of each moment with a glad soul.

A moment that goes by with laughter is a very special one to anybody, self discovery that so many people have undergone in USA, Asia, Africa, Australia and other parts of the world has proven that 10 minutes spent in joy and laughter is worth so much more that a month or years spent without laughter. Life is not about how many breaths one takes but it's about those moments that takes every breath away. If you treasure laughter and joy you need to do things that will make it possible for joy and laughter to be a reality in your life. Life is basically how you make it but i say life is what you make for your self, through every choice that you make for your self knowing to say that some choices you make can benefit yourself or others or can affect you and other people. I believe that if you want to eat ice cream you don't have to wait for some one to come and tell you to open your wallet, take out that dollar note and buy ice cream at an ice cream joint. If you want ice cream you should make that choice to spend that dollar on it after all it's you who want to eat ice cream and it's your money. If you don't have the money the best you could do is hustle for some bucks then spend a few bucks on the ice cream and every other thing that is necessary like a new out fit or get an hair cut to look smart and fine. know however that you can only succeed in the area of joy and laughter if you are a good person, honest, loving, hard working, lives a day at a time, content with what you have no matter how much or little you have. To see joy in your life it all starts by you doing things that brings joy to those around you then you will see that you will even be over joyed yourself. if you want to be a happy person be willing to fight battles to find happiness and do all it takes to keep it always with you, to be realistic, life is no bed of roses but you can live it as you want to bearing in mind that life is a bunch of choices and your duty or rather your responsibility is to make the right ones (sound or sensible ones). You are free to make a choice you like but as your life coach I urge you to make the best ones.

Live within your means, many people go into unnecessary debt because they want to keep up appearances but let me warn you, if you want a peaceful life of joy and laughter and a peace of mind then you need to be a person who tries to live within your means, if for example your monthly pay check is N20,000, then you need to be a strategic person and plan strategically all your expenses within the N20,000 by coming up with a budget that will deal with all your issues within that much, if you rent a house in Lagos, Abuja or any other place in Nigeria or world at large rentals are serious issues, then if you have a wife and kids how you plan the budget with her is very different from the way you would plan it if you were a single man, from food, rentals, water bills, electricity bills, healthy insurance, clothing, groceries, school fees, fuel and vehicle maintenance e.t.c in all this you must be analytical and responsible bearing in mind the cost of living in that part of the world you live in giving priority to the most important things and ending with the least important things because peace of mind comes in careful planning and make sure that you also have some savings, you could be saving for home improvement, a new house, emergencies, projects e.t.c.

Planning is very important in every area of life as it's evidently clear that a good plan can guarantee real laughter, peace and joy that is so much needed in your life. When you come up with a plan don't just sit down and wait for the plan to work it self out or you can just wait till forever. But the smart move that smart people make is to make sure the plan is implemented, making a plan is no different from taking a risk because both must be taken with courage and managed so as to succeed or implement them properly, so to be happy means to be bold and courageous, one thing i must add is avoid getting into conflict with the law, by always being obedient and morally upright.

If you own property or business, make sure you get an insurance cover, from a good insurance provider who can give you the best and most preferable insurance cover so that you could not worry about fire, thefts, e.t.c knowing that everything is well taken care of.

Avoid things that can complicate your life e.g getting involved with another man or woman when you are married or have a serious commitment with another person. Cheating at first feels wonderful and before you know it all your joy and laughter is robbed away. Have a plan and a vision, know what time to go for work, to do shopping, to have a child, to go for the movies, to have meals, to play with your kids, to play with your family, friends, to weed your garden, to go for holiday, to go on a date e.t.c if you can plan carefully and stick to your plan then you can enjoy so much from the out come of proper planning, time is a very important asset and based on how you use it you could either be rich or poor, so be wise and know that laughter is a far fetched dream if you don't plan or if you embrace behaviours that can complicate your life.

Accept who you are in terms of appearance, tribe, nationality, culture, cultural values, beliefs, customs, traditions, abilities, inabilities, advantages e.t.c letting go all grudges and forgiving everyone who wronged you in anyway. Many people pay motivation speakers and psychiatrist for because they are torn and broken and the answer to there problems could only be forgiving other and themselves. If you will truly accept who you are then you will have no need to worry about this or that, in the whole process throughout, you will then enjoy life with smiles, laughter and joy.

Make sure you have a right attitude; alot of people world over are sad because of attitude problem, be a positive minded person, let it be your state of mind and you will succeeds on your pursuit of happiness but true laughter and joy can not be there without one embracing true religious beliefs and practice, religious faith is great , at some point in my life i had turned away from my faith and religion and so, no matter how many pairs of jeans i had, how many nice shoes or how much money i had in my wallet i was not happy and content i even felt stress free when i was broke, in a relationship i mostly neglected, disrespected, and never appreciated the other person because i probably didn't even know how to love, but when i came back to my faith and religion, i have became a better person, a productive person, a hardworking person, a focused and stable person and my life, is no longer complicated, i have grown to be a content person, a loving person, a productive member of society and that has really been amazing, religion has put me to past, present and future that's why i no longer live life anyhow or do things anyhow, i have found joy and laughter to be my every day thing so don't be left out i have been down that road of pain and suffering but have come out of that by following the steps i have spoken about in this chapter and i am actually a very happy person, in conclusion the laughter i talked about is like medicine to your soul and to mine, laughter is good for our physical wellbeing as well as our emotional health, it's good for your heart functioning well, laughter heals all stress in your life because when you embrace joy and laughter you chase away all worries, laughing mostly appears to be simple but it adds to long life of any body as statistics shows that a happy person lives longer than a person who is unhappy, some one embraces laughter and joy as a high self esteem enhancer, the same person is content with his or her physical appearance, possessions e.t.c

Live for now and avoid worries about the future but live for now, let your everyday fill your life with joy and laughter, to be happiness is what makes a difference yet very few people are happy while many people from every race are unhappy which is a very unfortunate state of affairs that I'm urging you to avoid. To be honest with you I say urge you to be alive, to treat people equally, to forgive and let go, to love your neighbor as yourself, to build a legacy, to love e.t.c. when I talk about living for now I'm not telling you to forget about the future. All I'm saying is that you must live today best and only plan for the future doing the best you can do because much as life is short it was never meant to be unbearable. You are with someone you love make sure you tell her each day how special she is in your life because a moment like that one some people search a life time for a love and place that you have, some people wait forever even to just stand before a clergyman and hundreds of witnesses to say "I do" is not a joke. So if you are alive be happy and live for now and only remember that life is like a journey has a starting point and a finishing one. One of my former work mates from Intergraph imaginations loved to say that "in life take nothing but photographs and leave nothing but foot prints".

Self discovery puts us in a place and position to recover our true identities, happiness, joy and laughter but in most instances we ignore the basics and fundamentals of discovery and hope, joy and peace thinking that all these will just locate us and fall on our laps just like that when in reality that's impossible. The scriptures say do on to others what you would have them do to you, if you want people to live peacefully with you then you've got to live peacefully with them.

In order to have a great life, it doesn't have to necessary be extravagant life all the time, but even the most simple life can turn out to be a life filled with laughter, love and joy meaning that you always work hard on things big or small especially the smallest things, the things that are simple counts so much to the soul and guarantees your true happiness , take money for example, the more you have the more you want to make and so you panic in a bit, yet with so much you are not content, i am not talking against riches they are cool but if they can buy a bed but can not buy sleep, if they can buy food and not appetite, if they can bring the most marvelous diva on earth but can not buy her love then it's better to first find happiness then wealth in fact success is a great thing but if we talk about the reality laughter and joy in ones life is what i call true success maybe you don't have all the silver and gold but you have love it should be enough, to have joy, happiness, peace is to learn to forgive someone for whatever you have been wronged. Do not hold a grudge against anybody I keep on repeating this in this book so that I prepare you for the best that you should subscribe to, the best that the Almighty has created you for. Remember that you must learn to move on and learning to deal with disappointments, rejections e.t.c just as long as every day when you wake up early and say a prayer of thanks giving to God, brush your teeth, take a bath, a cup of tea or coffee, kiss your spouse or lover, drop off your kids to school on your way to work and if you don't have a spouse and kids it's almost the same routine, know what is priority for you on that particular day from big to small and know what you can do by yourself alone and what you need some one else to help you with.

Walk with your head up high, dress to impress not the world but that one special person who means the world to you, take care of your self in areas such as physical appearance, be approachable but not loose if you are single, because you might not know the day your life partner can come knocking on your door, be social if you are not available being faithful at all times, stay focused on your education and know exactly what you want to archive in this life and set out to archive what you want to.

Self discovery lets us know all those little things that adds flavor to life and i insist that a day of laughter is better than a million years of sadness, if there is something you should focus on each day that comes is to make the choices that can bring joy in your life, you need it every body needs it, i searched for it and i found it, you will find it and most importantly be the change you want to see at your work place, in your marriage, family, political party, government, class, neighborhood, life e.t.c and remember that the choices you make today determines your tomorrow if it does actually come. So take a break, crack some jokes, go see a stand up comedy, go for a movie or a date, work hard, smile, walk with your head up high and whatever you do, enhance joy and laughter in your life. Most important than anything else you can ever do in your life. Remember your creator to worship him alone, to honour him, love him and keep his commandments. You and all your ways must be pleasing in his sight.