Secretly Married to Mr. President

"And now you may kiss the Bride."

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"Wait What?" We asked, I look at the man in front of me and frowned.

"You? Shall I kiss you? Are you stupid?" I asked.

"Ms, adjust your speech. The President of the Philippines is the one you are talking to." Said of his Bodyguard. Ts, a president? Of what? Of the Philippines? My Country? Lols. As if I believe.

"Eh? President? This, make this one a President." I said while raising my middle finger to the Bodyguard.

"You! Respect the president!"

"Why? is it that he will be respected for the corruption that originated? and if I am right he promised to suppress the evil deeds and vices here in the Philippines within Six months, what is now? the second month but the addicts still do not change, remained, the thieves are still addicted to thieves and murderers--- "

"Still a murderer!" They interrupted me. I laugh.

"No! You are leading! tsk" I said and stared at them.

"what?" The man in front of me asked.

"Still a killer." I replied as the man in front of me frowned.

"Do you think who is handsome to rolled his eyes, he was just the president who's ful of curroption." I whispered.

"Hey girl I can hear you." he said.

"My name is not a girl, My name is Jaya, Not maya and not as similar but Jaya, Jaya Mariana Pilyana! " I said.

"Did anyone ask?" The man in front of me asked.

"Why is it? really a Jaya who introduced you but you still a philosopher? How did you become the president of the Philippines?" I asked and turned my gaze to the Mayor.

"Hey Mayor, aren't you just a Mayor? How did you get the ability to marry couples? Are you a retired priest?" I asked. The Mayor laughed at my question. Is there anything funny? I'm asking him seriously, why the heck he is laughing at?

"Hey woman, starting today, I own you, remember that I am your husband, but just secretly, never tell me that you are my wife, from now on you will live in my house and yes, you will also be my slave." He said.

"WHAT ?!"

"Do you have any violent reaction?" He asked.

"Yes, I have many. First? Slave? Why? are you dreaming! second? Slave? In your ugly dream and third--"

"Me? Slave? Just dream." the man in front of me cut me off and he even copy my action. I rolled my eyes.

"Wrong! You're leading, you really are stupid!"

"Hey girl!You are talking to the President!"

"He is also a human being unlike you." I irritated my tongue and turned my gaze to the 'President.'

"Third me? Slave? In your fucking Dream." I said. The So called President just rolled his eyes to me.

I am Jaya Angela Mariana Pilyana a woman, beautiful, goddess, sexy, and tall. not fat, not ugly, and not short, Lol just kidding Being Fat and short is so unique and also a Goddess. There is no one born to be ugly, The ugly one is the eye of the people judging you.

I am just a beautiful beauty who was strangled i mean married to a President of the Philippines, i forgot His name.

My life is simple as long as I have food, I'm fine, but when our path crossed, my life was suck as hell and hard as rock.

April 26 2018 is our wedding day, and yes, my life with this So Called President starts Now.

Do you want to know how to look good? Like me? Simply, sleep and do not face the mirror and most importantly do not take a bath because your beauty will fade!

Like me! I don't take a bath not because I'm lazy but because we don't have water , because this fucking government says there will be water in our area, What now? 3 months ago! The robbers have attacked us! The eye of the storm has landed on us There is still no water! What the heck ?!

I will tell you how I became the monster I mean wife of the Proud President of the Philippines.

So this is the Tea.

Flashback!

"Not buying my goods will be harder than poor!" I shout, reason why all of the people who heared it is now looking at me bad, I laugh. "Kidding!" I said.

"Hey you! Do you know I'm more beautiful than you but you'll look better when you buy my fish! Yes you need a magical fish to get rid of your pimples!" I said to the woman in front of my fishes.

"How about a kilo of it?" The woman asked me, I smilled.

"Ah 100 PesoS (5.06 USD) in a half then 1000 Pesos ( 50.62 USD) a kilo." I replied.

"What?! The price is high." she complained.

"It's because my fish are not just fish! They used to be shokoys who transformed into fish, they still have magic on their body and if I am right you will be smooth when you eat my fish, look at me my smoothness Isn't it? I'm white, as long as you just eat Milky fish you will be white."I said.

"Really? Is there no discount? I will buy two kilos." she said.

"Sister, of course I will reduce your purchase, oh go ahead one kilo 999 Pesos (20.80 USD) break when you buy two kilos it will be 1998 Pesos (41.60 USD)" I said.

"Expensive one, maybe you can make it 1500 Pesos (31.23 USD)" She said. I rolled my eyes.

"Oh go ahead for you I will make 1600 Pesos (33.32 USD) That was the lowest price then maybe you can still buy this two." I said. "Okay I'll buy it." she said.

"Oh Here it is, look at my fish as healthy as you are healthy oh you still have free glutataps so that Milky Fish can really affect you but just a reminder ah, once a week you will only drink glutataps you will take care, if you do not follow you will turn white to the max you will never be seen again. "I told her and smiled.

"Here, keep the change." she said and gave me 1600 Pesos (33.32 USD)

"Stupid, you have no change." I said and gave her fish.

"Oh here it is! Till our next meeting! Bye."I said and rolled my eyes when she turned her back to me, I put the money inside of my pocket and looked to those ladies who is now standing in front of my store.

"Hey Ms.Form of Land, Form of Water, what Form are you? " I asked and smile.

"Ms. Where is the St Peter's fish?" She asked.

"You do not make a mistake of the store asked, Here is the St Peter's fish it is only 200 Pesos (4.16 USD) half but 2000 Pesos (41.65 USD) a kilo." I said.

"Isn't that expensive?" She asked, I laugh.

"Ms, your life I will reduce you want? Kidding, go ahead for those like you who are skinny I will give you this St Peter's Fish at an affordable price." I said and smiled sweetly.

"How much?"

"1999 Pesos (41.62 USD) oh here it is, a lowest price." I said.

"I only brought 100 Pesos (5.06 USD) what an expensive ones." she said. Suddenly I felt sorry for her.

"Is that so sister? All right, I'll give you this fish for only 50 Pesos (1.04 USD)" I said.

"Really? Thank you." She said. I put a small fish in the bag and handed it to her.

"Only one?" She asked.

"Ms,That is the only one you can really get for because you only have 100 Pesos (1,06 USD) of your money eh." I said. "Maybe you can add more, Just a little one." she said.

"Oh go ahead Give me the 100 pesos (1.06 USD) The two small fish is yours." I said she gave me one hundred so I also gave him a tilapia so they can have something to eat. "Thank you Ms. "I said.

"Jaya! Jaya! Jaya! Your father!" "He's at home drinking coffee." I said. "No! Your father is in danger!"

"Say RIP!" I said. "Stupid! It's true!" I suddenly stopped. "Dad? What happened?" I asked.

"It slipped." Klea said. "Ah let him be, he's dirty." I said. "Your father is really 50-50 crazy!" "Dad already has a price? I don't know that." I said.

"Your stupid ass, Your father will die."

"What ?!" I shouted and quickly approached him.

"You stupid woman, let's go." Klea immediately pulled me home.

Dad is just about to die before I was informed, is he in a hurry to see Mom?

"Dad!" I shouted and hugged my father's body. After that, I can take a bath ten times, maybe my father has bacteria. Joke.

"Dad why are you sleeping in the morning ?! You smell like fish and then you stink! You have to take a bath before going to sleep!" I said I don't know why but my tears suddenly dripped as I hugged Dad.

"Dad, what is it that we are going to eat? Let's get up and I'll feed you the thorn of fish." I said, my hug with my father became even stronger when our neighbors came.

Gossip fish!

"Dad! Your so cold! Did you take a bath in cold water? Dad! What about your debts! You are just leaving and you still have debt when you leave, what a fool you are! I have no payment for your debts! "I said and patted my father's forehead.

"Dad, why are you numb after you die? Can't you ouch first and then back to die again? Dad, eh" I said, for me this is the way I express sadness, tellin' some jokes while in serious situation.

I look at our neighbors, they just look at us like watching a soap opera.

"What? No one is crying? Y'all cry! What am I the only one? You cry too!" I shouted. They immediately cried.

"Ka erning huhuhuhu!"

"Huhuhuhu who is that?"

"Huhuhuhuhu what's is his name?"

"Huhuhuhu Dad! Look at them, they're also crying." I said.

"But You can't see because your eyes are closed, Dad! My father is bald without teeth."I shouted.

"Jaya condolence." said my friend.

"Condolence also Klea." I said.

"Huh? What You mean?"

"Your mother jumped on the sea wall, oh." I said and pointed to her mother.

"Mom!"

"Dad, you will no longer be alone in heaven, Nanang useng is coming for you, Klea's mother." I said.

After 2 hours, Dad's body is already in the funeral, i paid big money for this, just for the coffin and to fix my dad's face so that he can present something to the guests on his funeral.

Imagine, this one cheapest coffin is already 30,000 Pesos (624.63 USD) and then not including fixing dad's face. Dad is just going to die, I still have to be pressured, it's too bad, can't I just bury directly my dad to save money? Joke.

"Jaya, what are your plans?" My neighbor asked me, here we go.

"Well, of course I will bury my father first and then when my father is buried I will go to Manila to pay the bill to Maynilad Charot I will look for a job in Manila." I said.

"What about your father's debts?"

"Well, I'll just pay them the fish and then I'll leave." I said.

"Oh Give me my fish, your father owes me a lot." he said, I rolled my eyes.

"Go ahead and get my things to catch a fish in the backyard then catch a fish on the shore." I said.

" Jaya I'm just kidding." he said then slapped me, what the heck. feeling close crazy neighbor it is?

"There they are!"

I immediately looked at the door and there I saw them slowly lifting my father's coffin, I immediately cried.

I can't believe daddy is beautiful when he sleeps, he has make up on his face and he has lipstick daddy is very beautiful.

"Dad, you are beautiful." I said.

"Thank you, betch." My eyes widened, Eh? Dad answered?

"Dad did you answer?" I asked.

"No."

"Wahhh daddy is a ghost!" I shouted, they immediately let go of daddy's coffin and quickly ran away, I was the only one left here with daddy's coffin, I was swallowed up when I saw daddy get up from his coffin.

"What are you, Daughter? They let me go." he said and came out of his coffin my eyes widened when I saw my father carrying his coffin and put it in the right corner.

"You're still carrying your coffin, Dad, this is the payment." I said and gave 20 Pesos (0.42 USD) to my father.

"Thank you, betch." he said.

"Oh go back in your coffin, you crazy corpse." I said. Dad went back inside his coffin.

"Cry bitch." he said I nodded and closed the coffin.

"Dad! Be careful in hell I heard they do not accept bald and toothless! I love you so much Dad! Remember I am the only one who loves you! Be careful going to hell! Happy trip." I cried. I shook my head because of my imagination, I saw that the coffin of my dad is in the right place and the people who lifted his coffin is saying their condolences to me, I just smiled. I suddenly remembered the memories of me with my father we made while he was still alive, He is the one who bathes me when I am dirty.

I will miss my father even though he is bald and has no teeth. I still love that bald man.

A few days ago my father passed away and we buried him and now ... today I am leaving this town for Manila so I can work. I already arrived in a terminal, I left early to avoid traffic and avoid plastic from my neighbors and another I escaped all my father's indebtedness I can no longer afford the money to vpaid them, I really need to leave my debts.

"Oh, just slow down."

"Slowly, you are pushing us, you slowly kill us!" I said angrily to the conductor, he pushes us and now he saying that 'Just slow down?' What if I punch his face and I'll say 'don't hurt?'

I am already in Manila and yes this place is really unique compared to the province, In province the air is very clean for us, here it smells like smoke. It polluted.

Looked at the buildings that are very tall, wow, how did they build this kind of buildings?

"Wahhhhhhhhhhhh Manila! I'm already here at Manila!" I shouted, I almost kissed the road when I got off the bus and saw the big building.

This is the beginning of my life, here I will start a new life. will I sell fish here?

What is a good job here? Can I try what they call Bugaw, is that fun? Is that job easy?