SOMEDAY, I'LL BE GONE

I swallowed at the closeness of his face to mine. He is not heavy because one of his hands rests on the bed and he has balance there.

His eyes dropped to my lips and I saw him swallow. His Adams apple went up and down and he planted a warm kiss on my lips.

I closed my eyes when I felt the touch of his soft lips on my forehead.

"Good morning, again, baby."

He left on top of me and carefully pulled me to get up.

"The breakfast is ready," he said.

We went out of the room hand in hand and he took me to the balcony.

My lips parted when I saw the surroundings.

"Oh my God!" that was the word that came out of my lips.

The view is beautiful even if you only see tall trees. Very beautiful.

There is only a table for two on the balcony and our breakfast is already ready there.

The breeze is cool and your blue sky is so beautiful.

"Where are we?" I asked still amazed.

He chuckled, and he pulled me closer to the table so I could sit down.

"We are at Bradd's Pick Hotel, wife. Formerly known as Sukhavati Inn, one of the cheapest type hotels in Baguio City," he answered.

The hotel is yellow in color and very beautiful. Each has its own balcony but it is connected.

"Let's eat, baby? We'll go for a walk after this."

"T-Thank you..."

"No problem. You're my wife. You deserve all of this."

Even if it's just a lie, can I bite? Just ride him?

I know it's only for a while. It's only a momentary pleasure, but can I borrow it?

Can I borrow this time? Although this is not true for Lervin. Even if it's just a trick of his. I want to forget reality for now. I want to be happy for a while.

I was startled when I felt the touch of his warm hand caressing my cheek.

"You're spacing out, baby."

"Can I make a request?"

"Yes, baby?"

"Can we forget reality for now, Lervin? Can you give me this chance? To be happy with you? Can you forget Jillian for now and think that I'm the one you love? Loving each other us?" I asked him sadly and his expression disappeared.

His eyes became dark and his breathing became heavy.

I held his hand tightly. Tears have flowed down my cheeks.

"Please... C-Can you give me what I want, baby? Can I steal your heart for a while? A-After this...I won't ask for more. I-I'll let you m-be with him. Just now, just now Lervin. Give it to me," I begged him as if beating my chest hard.

It hurts. It's very painful. It hurts you to ask him. Which he can't seem to give yet.

"I-I can't be hurt, Lervin. I love you, I love you so much and I can lend you to others. Even if it hurts. Even though I know it m-hurts. I-I'll give...I'll give everything just to be happy you," I said and started sobbing.

He brought my head to his chest and hugged me. I just closed my eyes.

"Ssh... Stop crying, baby. In this place, at this time it's just the two of us in this world. Just the two of us..."

I was crying because of what he said. K-Even though there is pain, there is also a part of my heart that is happy, I am happy with what was said even if it is not true.

"T-Thank you. Thank you."

I felt his lips on my temple.

sIBG

Chapter 21.2

AFTER we ate breakfast with Lervin, we happily toured Baguio City.

We went to Bamboo Eco Park, Botanical Garden Wright Park, and The Mansion.

It was close to the hotel we were staying at and for a moment I forgot reality.

For a moment I forgot the pain, the pain I feel that he is also causing it.

I became happy. It's like we're newlyweds and on our honeymoon. I'm okay, I'm okay with this. I am content with borrowed time.

We stayed three days at Bradd's Pick Hotel and now we are on our way again.

We are not going back to Manila yet and as for school. Oh, he excused me from my class. He also took a leave from his job.

And here in Baguio no snake bothered us.

"Lay-odan Farm," I read on the wooden sign.

Lervin stopped his car here. Lervin got down and circled around me. He opened the front seat door and extended his hand to me, which I immediately accepted.

We walk hand in hand. He was carrying his traveling bag that contained our things. And since we didn't expect this vacation, we also bought our things.

Our trip from Baguio City is almost 4 hours.

"Careful baby," said Lervin.

We're only walking on dirt and it's a bit slippery even though the ground is dry.

You now have a piece of wood that you can hold down.

It's not a mountain you're going to climb because you're going to come down. I have no idea what's down there. But I'm excited.

After a few minutes we saw a house. Is it a house or what?

"Welcome to Lay-odan Farm, baby."

"Lay-odan Farm is located in Mogao, Balili, Manyakan, Benguet. This is almost 3 hectares of land consists of pristine uphill forestry, family-owned house, a function hall, a small cafe, livestocks pen, section of vegetating plants and flowers and a grand view of Sodpac Falls. This is the most amazing place, I have ever seen," he added.

"Where did you find this place?"

"On the internet, baby. Come on."

Oh, my God. This place is really beautiful and I cry because of my husband's effort just to find this place.

It's crying to the point that I can't let him go anymore. But what can I do?

Nothing. I asked him too much.

"We can spend our one night here, baby."

sIBG

Chapter 21.3

"Good afternoon," a man greeted us. He is still in his mid-30s and is quite tall.

"Good afternoon too. We rented one of your tents, Lervin de Cervantes," said Lervin.

He is probably the owner of this Lay-odan Farm.

I was even more amazed when I saw the small cafe up close.

This is the second floor and its structure is made of wood. Then on the second floor, the wall is white. But in the front of the cafe, his wall is made of glass and then the windows are also made of glass.

I looked around when Lervin and I sat down. There was a long brown table and there was also a round table next to it and we sat here.

There are many light bulbs on top and there are also flowers. From our left side there is a small counter and it says 'Lay-odan'.

Lervin also told me that their customers are still limited.

Lervin caressed my cheek and I turned to him. He was smiling and his eyes were sparkling.

I leaned on his shoulder and he brushed a strand of my hair behind my ear. His simple gesture made my heart happy.

"It's nice to look at you when you're like that. You're happy and smiling," he said. Even though his voice is cold, there is tenderness in it.

"I am happy, really. I appreciate your effort, baby," I said softly and his smile widened.

A woman brought a tray with only two slices of banana cake and two kiwi juices.

He placed it on our round table and I sat down.

"I'm suddenly hungry! It's because our trip is long, huh," I said energetically and he laughed.

I quickly took the spoon that was still wrapped in table napkins. But Lervin snatched it from me and I frowned.

"Let me feed my wife, come on."

I was happy because he said he was going to test his wife. I'm like a child because I'm really energetic. It's a good feeling when your husband serves you well.

I wish...I wish we could just be like this. I hope nothing changes in our company. I hope it's just me. I wish I could just be her, I wish I could just be Jillian. It's like I'm the only girl Lervin will love. I'm ready to be someone else just for him.

He has already followed me and the feelings are really delicious. And because my heart was also happy, it caused my tears to flow freely from my eyes.

"Oh, why again?" he asked and he was wiping my tears.

I sniffed and my eyes blurred again because of my tears.

My heart is pinching again. Am I this emotional when I'm happy? When I'm happy with the borrowed moment?

My eyes and nose must be red. My cold will also drip. Even when my crying ended in loud sobs.

Lervin was also confused by comforting me. He will hug me tightly and kiss me on the side of my head.

I was still holding my chest tightly where it was opposite my heart that was breaking little by little.

"It's baby. Stop it. Sh*t, stop crying..."

"T-It's just tears of joy, Lervin. Tears of joy," I said with difficulty.

"If it's this way, I don't want to see those tears of joy anymore, Art. It's better for me to smile and not cry like this," each sentence he uttered was cold and emphatic.

I hit him on his arm. My heart is falling again.

"I-I want to come back here."

"We will. Even if it's a few more times."

Nope. Not Lervin. It's just me, I'm the only one who will come back here. I know that by the time we go home to Manila, Jillian will be your life.

You will see Jillian again. Jillian is the reason your heart skips a beat. I've been dreaming of your heart for a long time.

sIBG

Chapter 22: Check-up test results

The caretaker SHOWED us the blue tent and Lervin and I rested there for a while before we went for a walk in Lay-odan.

It is near Sodpac Falls. We went hand in hand.

"Wow! I want to go up there!" I said happily as I pointed to a tree. Can it be climbed, just like a bird's nest? But it's small and from above there is also an umbrella. There is a small staircase and from there you can see the flow of the river.

"So beautiful!" This place is really amazing.

Only four people can fit there. He looks strong even though he's just hanging from the tree, but the tree is in the middle and balanced.

"Hey, slow down!" Lervin laughed defiantly at me.

I ran closer to him and he caught up with me. He held my hand and carefully helped me up the stairs. The stairs only have five steps but no railing. And it's just made of wood and it's still round.

I was even afraid that I might fall but my joy prevailed so I didn't move anymore.

"WOOOO!" I shouted when we finally got upstairs and sat next to each other.

We enjoyed watching Sodpac Falls. The height of the waterfall and the beautiful flow of water there.

You will see only trees all around. The only thing that can be heard is the splashing of the water in the waterfall. Chirping birds and the sweet breeze.

Feels good. This place is relaxing.

"I hope we can always be like this..." I whispered and leaned on my husband's shoulder. He put his arms around me and even held my fingers with two rings.

When we weren't like this and I didn't care about him, I never wore the two rings from him.

And because I wanted to escape from reality and borrow this opportunity I wore this thing.

He is unaware of the wonders that are happening to me.

The wound on my chin has healed but my legs are full of bruises. I'm just wearing jeans because I don't want him to see it.

I'm still often out of balance. All of a sudden I'll land on the floor and my hands will slide off the things I'm holding. My vision also often becomes blurred and I lose my hearing.

All that I kept from Lervin. He had no idea what was going on with me.

I was worried, but I put this vacation in my mind. To be with him in this place.

Night fell and my husband was grilling a barbeque. Six barbeques. We were outside the tent and the night was quite cold. I was wearing a yellow hoodie and so was Lervin. Because the clothes he bought from us are all couples.

"Are you hungry? It will be ready in a moment," he said and glanced at me.

I sat next to him and just watched him do what he was doing.

We had a picnic blanket laid out on the grass and the rice was ready there and we still had some sauce on the barbeque.

I was startled when he grabbed the hoodie of my jacket and put it over my head.

"It's cold, baby." I just smiled at him.

After that we ate. We talked more. And I fell asleep next to him with a smile on my face.

The next day we went home. Even though I was a little sad, I'm happy anyway.

We were still very tired from the trip when our cell phones rang at the same time.

But I only received a text message from Shin.

"Hello? Jillian?"

I bowed down. I'm back to reality. The painful reality.

"Your test results from the CT scan and MRI scan have come out, Art. Tomorrow at 2PM in the afternoon. We will meet with Dr. Even."

I don't know how I will feel at this time.

Afraid and nervous? But why does my heart hurt more?

"Stay there, Jillian. I'm coming for you."

***

Shin was shaking when we got to the hospital.

It's like he's sick here and he's afraid of my test results. Even though I was nervous, I managed to stay calm.

We are in the researching area and it looks like a conference meeting is about to take place.

It's cold inside because of its air conditioner and you can also smell medicines. Computers and other equipment they have inside.

Shin, who was next to me, was quiet and was holding my left hand.

Dr. was sitting right across from us. Cheng and just playing with the ballpoint pen on the long table.

"79th foundation of DV Hospital, we are also there, Miss Arthea," said Dr. Cheng.

"Really? I thought what kind of party was that," I said and remembered what happened at that party.

"Dra. Even and I saw you and how your husband also punched Dr. Mojeh," he said with a smile.

I just shrugged my shoulders and leaned back in my chair.

"Who else are we waiting for? Dra. Even?" Shin asked emotionlessly, but there was boredom in his voice.

"Relax, pretty lady. Just wait," said Dr. Cheng.

sIBG

Chapter 22.2

The door opened and Dra entered there. Even holding two brown envelopes and someone following his other doctor.

The figure of a man is familiar to me. He was wearing a doctor's coat and eyeglasses.

"Whoa!" He suddenly stopped when he saw me. Even though his gray eyes are covered with thick glasses, his round eyes are still visible.

"What are you doing-- don't tell me you are here because of the test results? Are you the patient?" he asked me one after another.

"Yeah," I answered shortly.

"Come on, sit down Dr. Mojeh," Dra invited him. Even.

He sat next to Dr. Cheng and I met each other. Dra is on the right side. Even.

"Let's start," said Dr. Even.

Dr. tasted. Mojeh and he was playing with his lower lip while looking at me.

"Quit staring at her, idiot!" Shin suddenly shouted at him and he chuckled.

"Ow, another pretty lady," he commented.

"Come on, man. Let's proceed to our topic," said Dr. Cheng to him and even elbowed him.

He sat up and took the brown envelope and opened it.

"I am the one who checked this CT scan and MRI scan. So, I was the first to know about your test result. I am skilled in this field, so believe me, Mrs. de Cervantes. Neither the machines nor the -I'm studying here because of your test result..." he said and to be honest he was still hanging up.

The pounding in my chest grew stronger and our atmosphere became heavier.

"You are positive of Spinocerebellar Degeneration or Spinocerebellar Ataxia, is a term referring to a group of hereditary ataxia that are characterized by degenerative changes in the part of the brain related to the movement control cerebellum, and sometimes in the spinal cord. Let me explain that clearly, the spinocerebellar ataxia, it's a disease where the cerebellum of the brain slowly deteriorates to the point where the victim cannot speak, talk, walk, write or even eat," he gave a long explanation and my chest tightened when I heard it.

What kind of sick?

I'm not ready yet.

"Dsmn, that's a rare illness for God's sake!" said Dr. Cheng and felt sorry for the eleven he looked at me.

"Yeah, it's not just that pain, Miss Arthea. That pain is coming from here," he said and pointed to her head.

sIBG

Chapter 22.3

"Our brain, the functions of your movements," she added.

Dr. sighed. Mojeh, and began to explain, "Affected people may experience the following, problems with coordinations and balance, uncoordinated walk, poor hand-eye coordination, abnormal speech, involuntary eye movement, vision of problems and difficulty processing, learning, and remembering information. That's the signs and symptoms of the patient."

That's it, that's what I feel.

"That's ridiculous! How could he get such a disease?! I know! I know that disease!" Shin shouted hysterically and I just remained motionless.

My hands were sweating and my heart was beating fast.

Is that so? What kind of pain do I have?

"Calm down, Miss."

"I'm familiar with that kind of pain," I looked at Dr. Cheng because of what he said.

"That's why I suggested that you get checked up as soon as possible. This sounds creepy but, I see you at your university. Na-a-out of balance," he continued.

"Your strange moves, you want to step but you can't. You seem paralyzed or sometimes you have difficulty speaking and moving. Those are all symptoms of spinocerebellar ataxia," said Dr. Even. The emotion on his face will never fade.

"But...but how did he get such a disease?" Shin asked again.

He tightened his grip on my hand and I could feel it shaking.

"You said that the disease is caused by the brain. Could it be that he got it in an accident? Or did he hit his head or something?" Shin asked one after another.

I squeezed his hand and he looked at me.

"There was no accident. Maybe..." I looked at the three doctors in front of us.

"I may have inherited it from our ancestors. Isn't it?" They all nodded at what I said.

"W-Is there medicine? Is there going to be surgery?" I asked anxiously.

"Sadly, there is no known cure for spinocerebellar ataxia. That's a rare and there is no survivor of that illness," answered Dr. Mojeh.

"Bullshet! How could you say that?! You're a doctor! You know something!"

"I'm sorry..."

Their faces were disappointed and Dra just bowed. Even.

Dr. Cheng who was stunned and Dr. Mojeh just looked at the ceiling.

I stood up and got all their attention.

"That's the end of the conversation. Everything you know is yours. No one will know it except the five of us. I'm not surprised or I can't say the world is small just for my husband's friends to be together. This is his hospital and hopefully...that's all you'll know until now," I said without emotion.

Dr. stood up. Mojeh.

"You are going to die. You don't even have a time or an exact date, it depends on your illness. It will consume your strength until you are weak," he said but I shook my head.

"Until this will be the cause of your death," said Dr. Even.

"I don't care. If I die, I die. This would be the last day I see you. If we crossed our paths again, please ignore me." After saying that, I rushed out.

I can't cheat myself, it hurts. It is very heartbreaking to know that you are sick.

"Art! Art!"

Fvck that sick! Fuck the world!

If I'll die then be it! I don't fvcking care!

TB