SAVING BILLY

The last time you heard of me I was 19 and living with my mom and twin sister. A lot has changed now. I'm 20 years old, my mom has cancer and I'm an addict. Who would ever know that I will be an addict on meth and crack? Thanks to Jamie he has been helping me a lot but my worries are my mom and my sister's life will never be the same again if she's gone. I don't know if I ever get clean. Jamie has been my support and I'm thankful I just wanted my life to get better. I want to do better not only for me but it's my mom's dying wish to get better and be happy.

I don't want to fail her like I already did .My sister wants me to be the person that she knows I can be. I'm going to try my best to get clean. it's not going to be easy but I got my support behind me. today I went to see my mom and my sister but my mom was out with Jamie getting ready for his wedding. I wish I didn't mess things up but I know he forgives me as long as I don't mess up again. Jamie's fiancé is awesome too. She has been by my side also. I love my family but I love my drugs too. That's what hurts. I would choose drugs over my family pretty fucked up. Drugs became my new life because when I found out my mom had cancer and our dad passed away from a freak accident he lost control of his truck. My last words to him were going to hell. I was high on meth. I didn't mean it. I love my dad. I'm sorry dad that I was so mean and heartless. I chose drugs to help me when it made me worse .Mom has been in and out of the hospital and all I can think is to call Josh. He got what I needed but what I needed was to get clean. My mom always told me I was strong that I can do anything if I put my mind to it.

Today I went to check on Billy. He's not doing too well; he's been doing meth again. I miss the brother I used to know because this person is not him .Me and missy are getting married tomorrow. I'm sad my brother can't come with him having lash outs attacks. yeah, it's that bad and it's just going to get worse. I have been helping Billy to get clean but I don't know if he ever will not how much he loves it. Missy is being very patient with me doing this. I just wish Billy would have listened to me but what do I know I'm just a stoner that loves weed.

one day Billy was so high he forgot who I was. Missy got upset because was flirting with her. I started to leave Missy at home while I dealt with him to keep her safe. Billy used to be a kind-hearted soul but now he's a lost soul. today I took Billy to the mall and got him some clothes and some new kicks. Jamie, how's mom doing? She's okay, just tired bro. Billy you should visit her one-day mom misses you, Priscilla, misses you. I'm scared of Jamie. I don't want them to see me like this. Billy, you need to face them bro I know you are scared but you have to face that fear bro. Jamie, it's easier said than done. Jamie I'm trying to do better but some shit doesn't work as we planned. tell mom I love her and tell Priscilla I love her too. I will Billy I hope you make up your mind before it's too late. We walked to rue21, got some clothes for him and got some food Billy wanted to go home and rest so I took him home. alright bro I see you later if you need anything, I'm a phone call away. alright Jamie told everyone I said hi and I love them. I went to my mom's house as I pulled up, I saw cops and a crying Priscilla. I parked the car and ran to see what was going on. Priscilla, what happened to mom? is she okay? Priscilla shook her head and said mom fell and was unconscious and she called for help. I went to pick up Missy and called Jake and Jess. I didn't want my brother to know yet until we knew for sure what's going on. We all met up at the hospital and waited to hear from the doctor. "James family" we heard our name and ran to the DR and listened to what he had to say. Mr. James no I'm her son Jamie and her daughter Priscilla. Okay, your mother hit her head and her cancer has gotten worse; she doesn't have much longer to live. we all cried and didn't know what to think. I called my brother and let him know he's not going to like this and he's going to hit rock bottom. Billy, you need to come to the hospital and say your goodbyes to mom. Jamie, what's going on with mom I'm on my way there. Billy, she doesn't have long she's holding on for you bro. Billy walked in the room in tears and said mom you can't leave me right now I need you please stay with me mom I have almost been clean for a month please don't go. Mom went flatline Billy ran out of the room. Jamie, I have to go, I need time alone. Okay, Billy please don't call josh bro. Jamie, I can't promise that but I will try not too

Today was the hardest day ever. I had to bury my mother. the only woman that stood by me and had faith in me that I can get off of meth and crack. Now all I have is my twin sister that wants nothing to do with me and my big brother that's been helping me. His wife is scared of me. I went home and called josh. hey, Josh mane I need some like now before Jamie and Priscilla get here to check on me. Alright man, I'm on my way. Thanks, man. I waited outside for Josh. he pulled up and handed me my order and said be careful man and I am sorry for your loss. Your mom was a nice person.

I said thank you and walked away into my room. I shot up all my crack and meth and I started feeling good everything went black and cold and I was alone. I went home to check on Billy and make sure he didn't fuck up but I was too late I found Billy on the floor barely breathing I rushed him to the hospital and waited until they were finished working on him. I called everyone and told them what happened. Priscilla didn't handle it well because we just buried our mother now, we almost lost our brother. The door opened and we saw the doctor. We were prepared to hear what was going to be said. "JAMES FAMILY " yes, we're here. Jamie your brother is okay he overdoses on meth and crack. He's very lucky. Thank you, doctor, can we see him? Yes, follow me. We get the room Billy is resting in. I walked up to them and said I'm so sorry Billy I wish you would come to me or called me instead of Josh. Set there by his side and fell asleep. I woke up and I heard arguing but I didn't know who and why. I opened my eyes to see Jamie sleep by my side and I saw two very angry girls arguing about me and Jamie. I got upset and yelled IF I'M SUCH A PROBLEM FOR YOU TWO THEN GET THE HELL OUT MY ROOM!!! I wake up to a very angry Billy and two angry girls. Priscilla said I hate you Billy you have been nothing but a problem and poor Jamie wastes his time to be with instead of his wife and me people that are not like you. I hope everyone sees you for who you are. I got upset and yelled THAT'S ENOUGH PRISCILLA AND MISSY WE ALMOST LOST BILLY AND YOU BLAMING HIM BECAUSE I CARE ABOUT MY LITTLE BROTHER WE ALL LOST MOM AND SHE WOULD BE UPSET HOW YOU ARE ACTING Billy is human he made a bad mistake he needs our loving too Missy crying and said I'm going home Billy I'm glad you're okay and hugged him and kiss. Priscilla is pissed and snatches him and tells Billy to go to hell and leaves. I stayed until he was discharged from the hospital. Billy, please don't take Priscilla's words to heart; she is still healing from mom. Jamie, I understand I love you all so much but I think you wasted enough time with me trying to take care of me. I want you to spend time with Priscilla and your wife. Can you do that for me? Jamie looked down and took a deep breath and said yes if it makes you feel better Billy. yes, it would Jamie. I am okay bro I love you, Jamie. Jamie got up and hugged Billy and said I love you too bro. Get some rest Billy I will be back later and just like that Billy went to sleep. I almost lost Billy. Today I get to go home and chill with my brother and tell him what happened and why I ended up in the hospital. This should be fun. Jamie came and picked me up and the ride was intensely silent. I decided to break the intensity by saying I'm sorry but I know he's not going to speak until we get home. We finally made it home and we both got out of the car. Jamie smoked a joint to calm down. I miss those days we smoked together and are bro talks. But I messed that up for myself. I have pulled out my thoughts by hearing a very angry Jamie. Jamie started crying because he almost lost me. I walked over to hug him. Jamie, I'm so sorry I didn't mean for this to happen. Billy, I told you to call me not Josh. You could have died Billy, why didn't you call me? I would have come back. Jamie the girls hate me, they don't want you to help me or be around me. I need help Jamie. I can't do this on my own. Jamie's phone rings. It's missy. Hey, honey is everything ok? Jamie, I know where you come and leave him alone Billy is a waste of space. I saw the look on Jamie's face. I know that look Missy said something he doesn't like. I turned to the window and I heard a very pissed Jamie yelling at his wife. MISSY, WHAT THE FUCK YOU JUST SAY ABOUT MY BROTHER? HES NOT A FUCKING WASTE OF SPACE. HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT MISSY? JUST BECAUSE HE DID A MISTAKE YOU AND PRISCILLA SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES. He hung up on Missy and walked up to me and hugged me and said Billy don't let what they say hurt you. I'm going to stay home tonight and tomorrow to keep an eye on you. Jamie you don't have to but if it makes you feel better okay the guess room is clean and ready for you. Jamie, I'm so sorry that I'm causing problems with the girls. Billy, it's not your fault they are that way and I will not let you blame yourself for their actions bro. Let's go to bed. I have to work a half-day tomorrow then we can hang out. I would like that very much, Jamie. Good night bro. Good night Billy