SAINTS DON'T MOAN

•Penelope•

"I said no glue near your mouth, Noah."

I pulled the bottle gently from his hands before he could make a second attempt. The boys at Saint Jude's Orphanage had a creative streak, which was a polite way of saying they spent most mornings testing how close they could get to trouble before someone stepped in.

Noah pouted. "It smells good."

"I promise it doesn't taste the same."

His friend giggled behind him, chewing on the edge of a crayon with the confidence of someone who had gotten away with it before. I let that one slide. Pick your battles.

The classroom was warm, a little stuffy despite the cracked window above the bookshelf. Dust clung to the sunlight like it was afraid of falling.

My sleeves were rolled up just enough to keep the cuffs from soaking in juice stains.

Most of the younger children had already abandoned their coloring in favor of building towers with hymn books and the odd, uneven wooden blocks Sister Mary had insisted weren't a choking hazard.

One of the girls tugged my skirt lightly. "Sister Penny, can I use the gold glitter?"

"You know the rule. If you use glitter, you clean it up."

"I will. Promise."

"That's what you said last time but the hallway sparkled for three days."

She gave me a sheepish grin and scampered off toward the supply cart. I made a mental note to supervise the cleanup this time. The Mother Superior already suspected I was too soft with them.

And she wasn't wrong. I liked them this way-loud, messy, honest. It was easier than the silence in the chapel or the tight-lipped niceties in the convent halls.

Here, no one cared if I didn't have the right answer to why God let parents die or why some people never got adopted. They didn't want answers.

They wanted someone who wanted to listen,stability and freedom

And I could do that.

"Do nuns ever get married?" one of the boys asked out of nowhere, breaking my train of thought.

I turned to see Eli watching me curiously, his fingers still curled around the red marker he'd been using to draw a fire-breathing angel. His tone was innocent, but the question made my spine stiffen.

"No. We devote ourselves to God."

"But what if you fall in love?"

There it was. Children had a way of cutting through everything with a knife made of sugar and blunt curiosity.

I gave him the kind of smile that nuns are taught-warm, neutral, evasive. "Then we pray a little harder."

He squinted at me. "That sounds boring."

"Sometimes boring is good."

He snorted and went back to drawing flames. Across the room, Sister Agnes poked her head in, gave me a look that said I was ten minutes behind schedule, and vanished just as fast. I clapped my hands to signal cleanup. Groans echoed, but the kids knew the drill.

As I moved between desks, collecting stray markers and separating glue lids from their bottles, I felt the weight of that question still sitting in my chest.

What if you fall in love?

I didn't let myself answer, I wasn't a nun yet, and I could easily back out from this path whenever I choose to.

"What are you doing here, Penelope?" Matilda sneered at me, the distaste of my presence evident on her face.

"Mother Superior asked me to handle the donation sorting, auction items and sponsorship." I walked off without waiting for a reply.

I might have a really sad past but that doesn't give them the right to treat me so poorly.

As I began the sorting of the donation in the reception of the orphanage, I could hear distant chatter and laughter from outside.

Some women walked in to see the children and donate some items, their eyes wandered to a piece of painting selected for the auction party after the main donation.

A crowd formed over a sleek black car, few sisters and a lot of women. I didn't think people turned up this much for the donations.

A tall, silver-haired man made his way through the crowd and towards my table. His beautiful hazel eyes and manly features made me dumb struck. Now I get why the women flock around him.

"Forgive me, Lord." I whispered a prayer to myself.

His eyes were glued on me as he spoke with Mother Superior, laughing like they've known each other for years.

"Penelope dear, please come here." Mother waved toward me.

I quietly walked towards her, my heart beating faster than it'd ever beat before.

"Penelope, Meet Miguel he is a dedicated donator to our parish and this Orphanage." Mother smiled.

"Thank you, Mr. Miguel." Why hadn't I seen him prior to today?

"Miguel traveled a month before you started your discernment, and from what he tells me he traveled to Turkey." I have never seen Mother be so happy in a long time.

"You love traveling right?" Before I could respond she added, "you should talk to Dr. Miguel. I'll place the medications he brought in the right order."

Wait! I can't be alone with him. I wanted to scream so loudly.

My body tense as my name escaped from his lips, it sounded like a desperate whisper. "Penelope."

"Dr. Miguel." I answered cheerfully.

"Mother mentioned that you love traveling." I couldn't tell if it was a question or statement.

"Yes, I do but I've never really traveled."

He gestured for me to continue. "Why's that?"

"I never got to, I was involved in a car accident and after my recovery I found solace in the Lord." I smiled

He didn't look away when I smiled. If anything, his gaze sharpened like he was trying to decide what kind of woman hides behind my attire.

My skin prickled under the weight of it.

"You don't strike me as someone who stays in one place," he said, voice smooth and low like a secret passed in confession.

I blinked, unsure if it was a compliment, a dig, or something else entirely. "There's peace in staying in one place."

"There's also stagnation," he murmured.

I swallowed. "I prefer peace."

He didn't answer. Just looked at me like he didn't believe me.

Before I could retreat, one of the sisters called for Mother Superior from down the hall. She gave Miguel a quick pat on the shoulder and excused herself, leaving me alone with him.

Great.

He turned his attention back to me fully now, and it was suddenly very hard to remember how breathing worked.

"Do you enjoy the work here?" he asked, stepping just a little too close-close enough for me to smell something expensive on his coat. Cedarwood. Amber. Temptation.

"I do," I said, shifting my weight. "The children are honest. It's refreshing."

"And the sisters?"

I hesitated. "They're kind in their own way."

A slow smile curved at the corner of his mouth. "But not to you?"

I flinched. Just slightly. But he caught it.

"They have their reasons," I said carefully.

He stepped around the table slowly, eyes never leaving mine. "Maybe they're just intimidated."

My laugh was dry. "By me?"

"You carry yourself like someone who doesn't want to be here." He paused. "Or someone who's trying very hard to convince herself she does."

That stung. Mostly because it wasn't entirely untrue.

"I don't think you know me well enough to make that kind of judgment, Dr. Miguel."

He tilted his head, expression unreadable. "Not yet."

The silence between us thickened, broken only by the sound of children's voices echoing through the hallway. I reached for the clipboard, desperate to pretend I had a reason to end the conversation.

"Well," I said, avoiding his eyes, "thank you again for the donations. I'll make sure everything is sorted."

"Of course." He stepped back, just enough for me to breathe again. "I look forward to seeing how you put it all to use."

There was a flicker of something approval, maybe, or challenge as he turned to leave.

"And Penelope?"

I glanced up.

"That thing you said earlier about finding solace in the Lord?"

"Yes?"

He smirked. "Sometimes the things we run to are the very things we're running from."

Then he walked away, leaving me staring after him with my pulse pounding and my thoughts absolutely impure.

I pressed a hand over my heart like that could quiet it.

Forgive me, Lord, I thought to myself. I might have just met my hardest temptation.

•Penelope•

I ignored the tingling between my thighs all evening. It didn't help that during mass, Father Marshall, bless his soul-suddenly looked like Dr. Miguel Ramirez from the side. Same silver hair, same calm, unreadable expression.

I blinked hard, looked back down at my prayer book, and didn't look up again.

After service, I moved quickly through the hallway, pretending not to feel flustered, pretending not to notice how warm my palms were. Sister Miriam called after me, something about setting up for the morning medicines, but I was already halfway down the east corridor.

I needed air.

I slipped outside into the small garden behind the chapel, where most of the sisters wouldn't bother looking for me. The roses were in full bloom, wild and a little overgrown. They reminded me of how I felt-pulled in every direction, tangled and barely held together by faith and willpower.

"Escaping already?"

The voice behind me stopped my breath cold.

I turned slowly.

Dr. Miguel leaned casually against the stone archway, coat slung over his arm, the top buttons of his shirt undone like he had just stepped off the pages of a magazine and into my personal torture.

"I didn't realize you were still here," I said, too quickly. My voice sounded thinner than I wanted it to.

He smiled. "I was hoping I'd get a proper tour."

"This isn't a tourist site."

He stepped forward, eyes locked on mine. "Maybe not. But the view's worth staying for."

I looked away before he could see what that line did to me, God, please help me.

"I'm not sure you should be here," I said, trying to keep my tone steady.

"I know but you're here and I like your company, Sister Penelope."

My body turned hot, and I could feel my cheeks heat up, I needed to change the topic from wherever it was headed.

"I come here to think," I said, folding my arms across my chest, suddenly remembering that my blouse looked too thin under sunlight.

He took another step toward the fountain, not close enough to break rules, but close enough to bend them. "And what are you thinking about now?"

"That it's late and how you should probably head back."

He hummed softly. "That's a very polite way to dodge the question."

"I wasn't aware I owed you an answer, Dr. Miguel."

His smile deepened. "You don't. But I've always found honesty far more interesting than politeness."

I didn't reply. Mostly because the words forming in my mind weren't appropriate. Not for a woman of faith. Not for someone who still wasn't entirely sure if this path was a calling or an escape.

He knelt beside the roses, brushing his fingers over one of the open blooms without picking it. "These are beautiful. A little wild but not overgrown. You can tell someone trims just enough to keep the shape without taming them completely."

I stared at him, unsure if he was still talking about the roses.

"Did you plant these?" he asked.

"No," I said carefully. "But I take care of them now."

"Then I'll thank you for the view twice."

I swallowed hard. "You really should go."

"I Should," he echoed, still crouched. "There are several things I should be doing, unfortunately I can't just yet."

He stood slowly, dusting off his knees. "It's peaceful here. No wonder you hide out."

Did he just brush off that conversation without properly hinting at what he should be doing?

Lord, why does it bother me why he does what he does? It wasn't my business.

"It's not hiding," I finally answered.

"Of course not," he said lightly. "You strike me as someone who faces everything head-on."

I blinked. "You don't even know me."

His eyes met mine calm, unreadable, and far too curious for my comfort. "I think I'm starting to and I want to know more about you in every aspect."

I didn't know what to say. Everything in my body was telling me to move-to step back, to breathe, to stop letting this man turn casual garden conversation into something that felt like... foreplay.

But before I could find an excuse, the sound of heavy footsteps approached behind me. Sharp, deliberate, and painfully familiar.

"There you are," Sister Matilda's voice cut through like a cold slap. "Penelope, we've been looking everywhere."

I straightened instinctively, taking a step back as if that would erase the space Miguel had invaded.

"I-I just came out for air," I said, cursing myself for how breathless I sounded.

Her eyes flicked between us, narrow and full of suspicion. "You're needed in the storeroom. Now."

Miguel didn't move, didn't even look remotely apologetic for being caught. In fact, he had the audacity to glance at her with the kind of calm detachment that said he'd been in worse situations, probably while half-naked.

"Apologies, Sister," he said smoothly. "I kept her talking longer than I meant to."

Sister Matilda didn't smile. Not even a polite twitch of the lips.

She turned back to me, voice clipped. "You have duties. You're not here to entertain guests."

Heat flared in my cheeks, though whether it was from embarrassment or the way Miguel raised an amused brow at that word-entertain-I wasn't sure.

"I'll be right there," I managed.

Matilda waited a beat too long before turning on her heel and stomping off, her skirts swishing like judgment in motion.

Once she was out of earshot, I turned to Miguel. "You shouldn't flirt like that. Especially not here."

"Flirt?" His brow arched, feigning innocence. "I was only admiring the garden."

"Sure you were. Look I don't know your deal and I don't want to know, just stay away from me. In a couple of months I'll be a nun and I don't want anything to come in between that."

He smiled-slow, amused, and completely unrepentant. "Do you think I'm hitting on you, Sister?"

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out.

He stepped past me, voice low enough that only I could hear. "You're lovely when you're flustered, Penelope. You aren't wrong but you aren't right either."

He walked off leaving me alone in the garden with my pulse racing, my hands shaking, and the distant echo of Sister Matilda's disapproval chasing behind me like a shadow I couldn't shake.

I made it to the storeroom two minutes late and two sins too flustered.

The air inside was dry and stale, thick with dust and faintly medicinal. Boxes were stacked up to the ceiling-bandages, donated clothes, expired vitamins, holy cards, and several things we hadn't bothered labeling because no one wanted to admit we'd probably just throw them out.

I leaned against the door the second it shut, pressing my hand flat over my chest like it would stop my heart from giving me away.

I muttered a small prayer for composure and made my way toward the box labeled Medical Supplies – Private Donor. Of course it was sitting at the bottom of the stack. Of course.

Kneeling down, I sliced the tape with the side of a broken ruler and peeled it open.

The first thing I saw was a clipboard with neatly organized inventory sheets, he'd written notes in the margin in the most neat clean handwriting.

Everything about this man was precise and proper, and somehow it ignited a passion in me.

I skimmed the list. Antibiotics, antiseptics, prenatal vitamins, syringes, gloves.

My gaze ran by a couple of things before landing on a closed box, my fingers shook as I lifted the lid.

It was a shiny stethoscope, used but still newer than anything we had in the infirmary.

My fingers curled around the cool metal before I could stop myself. I imagined it hanging low around his neck or better still pressed to someone's heartbeat, preferably mine.

I dropped it back into the box like it had burned me.

Oh Penelope, this is wrong, very wrong.

I wiped my palms against my skirt, forcing myself to breathe.

I can't be having these carnal thoughts about Dr. Miguel, but I couldn't help the growing sensation in my thighs again.

Help me Lord, I whispered. Help me fight the gnawing temptation.

When I finally stood, Matilda was in the doorway again.

Her eyes dropped to the box, then flicked back to my face.

"Try not to take too long," she said flatly before leaving the room.

It felt like she could read my mind or at most my body language, it was begging to be touched, to be pleased.

I walked towards the entrance bolting it shut, no one would walk in now.

I slipped my hand beneath the hem of my skirt, fingers trailing up the soft inside of my thigh. My breath hitched when I reached the damp heat of my panties. I hesitated just for a moment.

Then I pushed the fabric aside and slid my fingers over my wet pussy, my head tilted back as I pressed my palm against my clit, fingers parting gently. I was completely soaked. I circled my clit slowly, teeth sinking into my bottom lip to stifle a moan.

I could hear his voice clearly in my head, "You're lovely when you're flustered, Penelope."

God damn, why did he have to sound like the perfect tune, so gruff and so sweet.

I moved faster, sliding two fingers down and back up, teasing myself, building the tension in the pits of my stomach.

My free hand gripped the table edge behind me, steadying my legs as they began to tremble.

I imagined his eyes on me, standing on the doorway with heat in his eyes as he savored the sight of naughty sister Penelope, masturbating to the imagination of him.

"I knew you had it in you, little Penny."

I felt his lips suckling around my neck, the weight of his body pinned me, murmuring filth I wasn't supposed to cave for.

"You want my fingers pumping deep into you right?"

My hips rolled against my hand as the pressure built more.

I rubbed tight circles over my clit, fucking my wet pussy faster with my fingers, chasing the oragsm I'd been denying since the moment he said my name. My skin burned with the need to be touched harder, lower, deeper but this would have to do.

And God, it did.

My orgasm ripped through me, breaking my body in waves. I bit down hard on my lips as I came, my legs shaking while my fingers moved slower, drawing it out as long as I could.

When it passed, I slumped forward, forehead resting against my arm.

My breathing was shallow, and sweat clung to the back of my neck. My fingers were coated with evidence of the lustful sin I had just committed and yet I didn't feel an ounce of guilt.

I pulled my hand away, legs still unsteady, and wiped my fingers clean on the inside hem of my skirt before straightening it again.

•Miguel •

The lounge was wrapped in low lights, and smoked coiled lazy spirals above the tables from cigars.

I leaned back into the velvet-lined booth, cradling a glass Lagavulin between my fingers, Damien was holding court to my left, a brunette tucked against his side, her fake laugh cutting through the lounge like a cheap perfume. The blonde on his other arm looked half asleep, eyes glazed.

This used to be my scenery, my zone and where I thrived in. But damn it all to hell the moment I met My Shell, her grey eyes glazed with tears pleading that I saved her life.

My Penelope.

Damien clinked his glass against mine with a smirk, his cufflinks catching the gold light as he stretched his arm along the back of the booth.

"You gonna make me carry this whole damn table's energy tonight?" he asked, nodding toward the brunette who was practically purring against him. "Pick one. They're not shy."

I took a slow sip of the whiskey, letting the smoke settle on my tongue before swallowing.

"Not my type."

While Penelope was brunette, she wasn't this loosely approachable, not even while drunk.

He laughed, full-throated and arrogant. "You haven't even looked at them."

"Exactly."

The blonde perked up for half a second, then sank back into silence when she realized I wasn't bluffing. Damien raised a brow, clearly amused. He leaned closer, his voice lowering in mock concern.

"What is it this time? You get bored of actresses and heiresses? Don't tell me you've finally gone celibate."

I stared straight ahead, swirling the liquid in my glass slowly. "I already have someone in mind."

Damien scoffed. "You? Monogamous? That's a first. Who is she? Daddy's girl? Another senator's wife?"

He went still for a minute, then sat up straighter.

"No fucking way," he muttered, narrowing his eyes like he was trying to read the punchline off my face. "You mean that girl from the club that night? The one you explicitly said "was a nun in training now?"

I let the silence speak for itself.

He exhaled through his nose, then gave a low, slow laugh that curled like smoke.

"She's a goddamn nun."

"She's not," I corrected, calmly. "Not yet."

"You're fucking bonkers."

"She is mine, and I know this." I set my glass down, never taking my eyes off him. "I also happen to know she hasn't taken any vows and if she has she'll have to break them."

Damien looked at me like I'd just confessed being a fucking psycho and it didn't matter.

I might have moved to Turkey for two years but that didn't mean I didn't keep tabs on her, I watched her during her physiotherapy stage, when she felt like giving up and I watched her bounce the fuck back.

I'm her fucking savior and she owes me, she already vowed herself to me.

"You're serious."

I didn't bother to respond.

He shook his head, incredulous, rubbing the back of his neck as if that would help him process the weight of what I wasn't saying.

"This is a new low, even for you," he said finally, but there wasn't judgment in his voice, just morbid curiosity. "Jesus, Miguel. A nun?"

I leaned forward slightly, forearms on the table, voice low enough that the women leaned in out of instinct before realizing I wasn't talking to them.

"Stop calling her a nun, she's not. She's just trying to find a place where she can fit in. I know it, I've seen what's underneath that holier than thou attire and it is definitely not nun attributes."

Damien blinked. "You fucked her?"

"Not yet." The corner of my mouth twitched.

He gave a soft whistle and downed the rest of his drink. "You're going to hell, man."

I picked up my whiskey again and stared into it for a long moment, watching the way the light bent inside the glass.

"Yeah," I said quietly. "But I'll take her with me."

Damien laughed again, louder this time. The brunette jumped slightly beside him, clearly not used to the sudden shift in volume.

"Alright, devil. Let's say I'm not judging. Let's say, for a second, I'm as deranged as you are. How the hell are you going to get her? That girl looks like she panics when someone curses, and I'm not saying she's a saint but she sure as hell has her mind made up."

I didn't answer right away. I took another slow sip, letting the taste linger before setting the glass down.

"I have a plan."

He tilted his head, waiting. "You always do. But this one? She's I don't know, different?"

"Correct," I said. "Anyone who got into an accident as terrible as hers would be scared, and would seek comfort anywhere and for her it is the convent, and the only reason that happened was because of my absence. She believes good girls don't get hurt but she's wrong."

Damien raised a brow. "Are you planning to hurt her in a bid to show she doesn't have to be a nun?"

I gave him a slow smile, one that didn't reach my eyes.

"No, I'm not that despicable. I'm only going to fuck with her mind long enough to make her want only me."

He stared at me, eyes narrowing slightly.

I leaned back, exhaling through my nose. "She's already confused, her body betrays her every time I'm near and I have the perfect plan to make sure she never stops seeing me."

Damien let out a low whistle. "You're going to play the savior."

"Play the savior?" I murmured. "C'mon Damien, I already am her savior."

He sat back and shook his head, grinning like he'd just heard the filthiest confession of his life. "I swear, sometimes I forget how sick you are."

"That's because you're too busy being loud about your vices," I replied smoothly, flicking my gaze to the woman now massaging his shoulder without permission. "Mine are quieter. But much harder to kill."

Damien raised his glass. "To the unlucky girl who's your new game."

I clinked my glass against his, eyes never leaving the swirl of whiskey.

"To Penelope."

|•|

The children's laughter carried faintly from the back gardens, sharp and bright like bells. For a place drenched in prayer, this one had the subtle air of a battlefield.

I straightened my collar and made my way to the chapel offices, a leather folder tucked beneath my arm.

Father Marshall was waiting near the side altar, already mid-conversation with one of the sisters. His expression shifted when he saw me friendly, but guarded.

He hadn't forgotten the time I turned down a cathedral funding proposal because the budget was "too selfish and didn't in any way extend to the kids." Still, he respected power and the money I shower.

"Miguel," he greeted with a warm nod. "Didn't expect to see you again so soon."

"I won't stay long." I offered a firm handshake. "Just wanted to follow up on the rural aid project I mentioned last quarter. The clinic we set up in Oakridge? They're shorthanded. I'll be flying in next week, but I need a volunteer to assist. Someone the patients will feel safe around. Preferably someone with community ties."

Father Marshall tilted his head. "It's short notice."

"I understand but it's only a couple of weeks. The town is quiet, and small which is why basic care, inventory, translation for the older locals is needed."

He hesitated and I could see the logistics working through his mind, Father Marshall was as open as a book. I knew what he'd say next.

"I'll need to check with Mother Superior."

"Of course."

First phase complete.

We stepped into the main hallway just as she was descending the stairs.

Mother Superior was a lovely woman, one who didn't care for bribes or favoritism, that's why I adored her and she loved me.

"Dr. Ramirez," she greeted, clasping her hands. "To what do we owe this honor?"

I explained again briefly, and more politely. But this time using key words that'd soften her heart like God's work, outreach and the children.

She was aware of where my faith stood, I was no Christian but I cared for the community even if it meant working with the church.

"Well," she said, folding her hands, "Penelope's schedule just cleared up this week. She's been diligent, attentive. I believe this would be good for her, remember I mentioned her love for traveling."

I let the silence stretch just long enough to appear surprised then nodded.

"If she's willing."

"I'll speak to her today," she said. "I don't imagine she'll object."

Of course she wouldn't. Not when the suggestion came from a woman she was trying so hard to impress.

I offered a gracious smile and stepped back toward the door.

"I'll return tomorrow to finalize the remaining documentation."

They both nodded, none the wiser.

As I stepped out into the morning light, I didn't bother hiding the grin that curled beneath the surface.

She'd be mine for the next three weeks and I will do everything possible to make sure she never forgets it.