Rebirth of Niki

I stared at my desk's flickering candle, the little light quivering as if it felt the same uneasiness as me. My thoughts were interrupted by his calm but tense voice.

"Niki, I need you to talk to me," Cassian continued, his intense stare holding me firm.

"Speak with you? What is it about? With a forced grin that stopped short of my eyes, I asked. "There isn't anything incorrect."

"Yes, there is. I can tell because you don't look at me. His words pierced me even as his voice became softer. "Niki, you can't keep acting like that. We are both aware that a shadow now separates us.

The quiet between us became thicker, and I gasped. That growing gap, that silent but indisputable emptiness that none of us understood how to traverse, was something I could sense as well. Glancing down, I ran my fingertips down the edge of the desk as if the answers were hidden in the weathered wood.

"I... I don't know what you want me to say." I couldn't bring myself to look him in the eyes, so I hardly spoke. He would see the anger and embarrassment that tore at me day and night if I did.

He ran a hand over his jaw and groaned. "Niki, you're my Luna. My friend. We deal with everything collectively, or at least we should. However, you've felt... aloof during the last several months.

"How far away?" I repeated, letting out a sour chuckle before I could control it. "Cassian, I've been here every day. By your side, every evening. I'm not necessarily not here just because I'm silent.

"It's more than that," he said, his voice becoming less abrasive as he approached. "You refuse to allow me in, even when you're in pain. Niki, I feel your anguish as if it were my own. But day after day, you keep me out. Why?

I clenched my hands and stared at the candle, doing everything to escape his intense look. His enquiries weighed heavily on me, eroding the barriers I had up around my humiliation with each one.

"Is it because of..." His voice was no more than a whisper as he drifted off. "Is the child to blame?"

More powerful than any charge, the question lingered between us. A familiar aching began to blossom within me as my chest clenched. With the wordless response stuck in my throat, I closed my eyes.

I eventually managed to say, "Two years, Cassian," in a hoarse whisper. "I still haven't given you a child after two years."

"That's not-" said Niki.

"Don't say it's not important," I cut in, sounding harsher than I meant to. "You are the Alpha. It's an obligation, not simply a desire. The group as a whole anticipates it. They gaze at me as if I'm failing them.

Cassian's hand extended towards me as his gaze became softer. His fingers wrapped around mine, anchoring me in a manner that was both painful and reassuring. I could feel the warmth of his touch. But the sensation of inadequacy that had taken root so firmly inside of me was still eating at my gut.

With a steady warmth that permeated my armour's gaps, he replied, "You're not failing me, Niki." "My Luna is you. The only Luna I will ever need.

I wanted to believe him, to let his words ease the pain that had been ingrained in my body. However, how could I? How could I ignore the pack's silent judgement, the sidelong stares, and the whispers? I could see the question remaining in their eyes whenever they glanced at me, even if they didn't say it out loud. Worse, I sensed it. This inadequacy and emptiness tore at me from the inside out.

"You say that now," I said in a tremulous murmur. However, what would happen if it didn't, Cassian? What if I am unable to conceive for you?

He didn't respond right away. I could sense the battle raging behind his eyes, the strain emanating from him. Despite his strength, loyalty, and Alpha status, Cassian was unable to ignore the pressure that came with his position. An Alpha was supposed to guide, guard, and support the pack in every manner. And I was supposed to support him and carry out my job as his Luna. One that I was gradually starting to believe I would never fulfil.

"Niki," he said in a hushed, almost beseeching voice. "This has nothing to do with a kid. It concerns us. Regarding you. I just ask that you allow me in.

I could feel my defences eroding, the barriers I had erected to keep him out starting to give way under the pressure of his remarks. I knew that he meant good. However, I couldn't stand to face the reality myself, so how could I let him in?

I said, my voice just audible, "I'm trying." "Yes, I am. But Cassian, it's difficult. Each day I feel... less.

I withdrew my hand from his and around myself with my arms as if to protect myself from the pain inside. Cassian had a steady, unblinking stare, but I was unable to meet his gaze. Not while my humiliation was burning so intensely inside of me.

"Less?" he said, his tone tinged with incredulity. "You're my Luna, my partner, Niki. Nothing about you is less.

"So what gives the impression that there is?" I lost my temper and spoke before I could control myself. "What makes me feel inadequate? That I will never be sufficient?

I was forced to gaze at Cassian as his face softened and his hands reached out to cup my face. Although his touch was soft and soothing, it didn't completely relieve the pain that was screaming within me. The guilt simply became more because of the love and passionate protectiveness in his stare.

With a calm but unwavering firmness, he whispered firmly, "Niki, listen to me." "You are more than sufficient. You are everything. I don't give a damn about what other people or the pack think. Nothing can ever alter the fact that you are my mate.

Something within me was roused by his words, a sliver of hope piercing the darkness. However, it was insufficient to silence the voice that echoed at the back of my mind, reminding me of the judgement that pervaded every sidelong look and every hushed discussion.

"That's easy to say now," I said, my voice shaking. However, what happens if you begin to trust them? When do you begin to gaze at me like others do?

As he fought for control, his jaw tightened and his facial muscles tensed. I could see the hopelessness that reflected my own, the frustration in his eyes. However, he held me tightly and grounded me with his hands.

"I won't," he responded in a harsh, uncompromising voice. "Niki, I'll never see you like that. You were my choice. I choose you, for better or worse.

I was moved by the words, which served as a bittersweet reminder of our relationship. Even while his words eased the pain, I couldn't get rid of the worry that kept creeping into the back of my mind: that one day he would see in me what I saw in myself: a Luna who had let her pack, her mate, and herself down.

I said, my voice no more than a whisper, "I want to believe you." "I do. But it may be difficult at times.

He kept me close, his warmth a constant presence against the worries that tore at me, his embrace a wordless comfort. However, even as I lay in his arms, I was unable to ignore the persistent, low voice that reminded me of all the ways I had failed and spoke of my inadequacies.

While the light burned on the desk next to us, creating shadows on the walls, I could feel those shadows seeping into my heart and the doubts seeping beyond the walls I had put up to become a part of me.

The sound of conversations brushed my ears like a chill breeze as I entered the main hall. I saw Cassian, my Alpha, my mate, standing by the stone fireplace with Minaj beside him, her hand softly resting on his arm as they chuckled at something I couldn't hear, while I took a reassuring breath.

With a deep and resonant chuckle, Cassian tilted his head back. The sight of Minaj's fingers curling into his sleeve made my chest tense, even though the sound should have been comforting and familiar. I saw her lean a little closer, her face tilted up, her face warm and open.

"Luna." I was startled out of my reverie by a voice, and as I glanced around, I saw a younger pack member politely nodding. "Do you require anything?"

I kept my tone constant and feigned a grin. "No, Lane, thank you. I'm all right.

I turned back to Cassian and Minaj as he bowed a little before continuing. The scene remained the same, with Minaj's eyes remaining on Cassian and a tenderness in them that I had thought was just for me. Ignoring her lingering glances, Cassian seemed to accept her presence as normal and laughed at her remarks as if they had been exchanging secret jokes for ages.

To hold myself steady, I balled my hands into fists and pressed my nails into my palms. As my closest friend and confidante from our early years, when we dreamt of the future when duties and titles separated us, Minaj had always been near us. I had always had complete faith in her. But lately, whenever she was with Cassian, her smiles had a tinge of edge and her eyes were brighter. I made an effort to ignore it, to persuade myself that I was overanalysing things and that it was just paranoia.

Cassian turned, his eyes finding mine as if he sensed my presence. There was a familiar warmth in his eyes as he smiled, yet there was something chilly and unsaid between us. My feet felt heavy and anchored to the ground as he gestured for me to come closer. After hesitating, I eventually took a step forward, and Minaj's eyes met mine as I got closer.

Cassian whispered, "Niki," and reached out to gently pull me to his side. Although his hand was firm and warm, there was a little hesitancy in it. Just now, Minaj told me about the training session she oversaw this morning. It seems that she has been having problems with some of the younger wolves.

I faked a grin as I looked at Minaj, who looked at me with a cheerful, carefree attitude as if she didn't give a damn.

"Really?" My voice sounded more strained than I had meant when I asked. That's amazing, Minaj. You appear to have gained a lot of popularity.

A small, arrogant grin tugged at her lips as her eyes gleamed. "Oh, it's nothing." Cassian is only being courteous. I must have looked like a complete disaster. However, I'm always happy to help out when I can. That's correct, Alpha.

Cassian nodded and laughed. "Minaj, more than a hand. With the younger wolves, you have been a huge assistance. They hold you in high regard. It has a positive impact on them.

The remark was harmless enough, but it rang louder than it ought to have in my ears. Cassian had not looked at me with the same effortless fondness he now showed Minaj, nor had he praised me in such a manner in a long time. I made an effort to dismiss the idea, telling myself it was absurd and that my feelings were only a result of my fears. But the glimmer of uncertainty persisted, refusing to go away.

I said as I moved away, "I'd better go check on the preparations for tonight." Cassian held my hand for a while before releasing it and looking at me curiously.

He scowled and whispered, "Niki, wait." "Are you okay? You seem to be... preoccupied.

I made an effort to grin. "I'm all right. Simply put, exhausted.

Though I could see the concern in his eyes and the unanswered question that none of us seemed to be able to answer, Cassian nodded. I turned before he could continue, allowing his stare to fall on my back as I turned to go.

I could feel Minaj's eyes on me as well; there was a faint sense of delight in her eyes that made me shudder.

---

I strolled about the courtyard in the afternoon's calm, finding comfort in the trees' familiarity and the stone walls that had been worn smooth by years of use. In the hopes that it might calm the racing thoughts in my head, I sat on the edge of the fountain and ran my fingers through the cold water.

My mind was filled with Cassian's earlier chuckle and a picture of Minaj's hand on his arm as her eyes were filled with an unidentified emotion. I knew I should not have been bothered by it. She was my buddy and had always supported me, even when others didn't think I belonged as Luna.

However, I was more uneasy than I wanted to admit because of the way she suddenly stared at Cassian; it seemed different, almost possessive.

A voice said, "Luna," interrupting my thoughts. When I glanced up, I saw a pack elder standing in front of me with a kind but worried gaze. "At the morning meeting, you were missed."

I stood up, brushed down my skirts, and said, "Oh, I'm sorry." "I... forgot the time."

His eyes lingered on me with a kind but perceptive pity as he nodded. "You haven't spoken much recently. The pack is concerned. We are united by your presence and power, Luna.

I nodded while swallowing. "I'm grateful, Elder. I'll do my hardest to be there.

His comments lingered with me, weighty and uncompromising, even after he dropped his head slightly and walked away. They saw that I was not there. All of Cassian's warmth and laughing with Minaj simply made me more aware of my withdrawal and waning presence.

---

There was a feeling of celebration in the air when the pack assembled later that evening, and I stood next to Cassian. As the younger wolves applauded and giggled, I could feel Cassian's pride growing at my side. He put his arm around my waist and smiled, but his thoughts appeared to be elsewhere. His eyes swept over the audience many times before settling on Minaj, who was seated a few seats back and grinned effortlessly and confidently.

I touched his arm and said, "Cassian." His grin softened as he glanced down at me. "Could we... Could we talk later, by ourselves?

He nodded, but I could see by the look of disinterest in his eyes that it may be just another unmet promise. Even with his arm around me, I could feel myself vanishing into the background as the night went on, a ghost at his side.

I snuck away as the festivities subsided, the laughter and commotion pressing down on my chest. I let the cold night air calm the pain in my body as I stepped outside into the garden. My time alone was brief, however, as I heard gentle footfall approaching and glanced up to find Minaj entering the moonlight with a steady stare as she studied me.

"Niki," she replied in a quiet, almost worried voice. "Are you okay? You seemed to be silent tonight.

I folded my arms over my chest and feigned a grin. "I'm all right. I just have a lot on my mind.

Minaj took a step forward, her face kind and understanding. "As Luna, I can't even begin to understand the strain you must experience. You always manage it so elegantly. There was an undertone of sympathy in her words that made me uneasy. "And I just wanted you to know that I'm here for you with... everything that's been going on."

It seemed like a subtle jab, a reminder of her developing position in the pack and her intimacy with Cassian, the way she said it and the way she looked at me with that little arrogant attitude.

"Thank you, Minaj," I said, maintaining a steady tone and a grin. "However, I don't require your sympathy."

With a spark of humour in her gaze, she lifted an eyebrow. "Oh, Niki, it's not sympathy. You have my respect. I always have. All I wanted to let you know was that you had a buddy.

She then turned and left me alone in the moonlight, the cold seeping into my bones as she went back into the corridor. A knot of uneasiness tightened in my chest as I glanced after her.

I couldn't get rid of the sense that something was slipping away from me, something I wasn't sure I would ever get back, as I gazed up at the full moon. I secretly pondered if Minaj was already closer to Cassian than I would ever be.

Audio of Chapter 3:

---

I watched Minaj across the training grounds and caught the keen, possessive glint in her eye as she looked over at Cassian, who was consumed by sparring with a few young wolves. She also wore a faint, calculating smile on her face, her expression almost... predatory. Subtle, unmistakable-this wasn't the look of a friend or even a loyal pack member. It was something darker.

Cassian laughed, and slapped his hand against the back of one of the young wolves, who yelped but didn't flinch; Cassian was bigger than life with his easy, unbrotherly confidence. And I saw the way Minaj's gaze trailed him with every step, her grin inching a little wider with each glance.

"Minaj," I called, approaching her, hoping that would dislodge the unease simmering in my tummy. She turned to me, her face immediately softening into a smile, though the sharpness in her eyes did not falter.

"Niki," she replied; her tone was warm but with an edge I hadn't caught earlier. "Good to see you. I didn't think you'd be out here today."

I nodded, crossing my arms as I tried to keep my expression neutral. "I wanted to check on the pack's training. Cassian's been putting a lot of work into it."

Minaj nodded, her gaze drifting back to Cassian as he spoke with one of the older wolves. "He's... very dedicated. The pack is lucky to have him as Alpha.

"True," I said, the now-familiar burn of pride spreading through my chest. Cassian's being a leader had always been something for me to be proud of, but seeing him with the pack amped up that feeling tenfold.

But as I looked at Minaj, I could see a shadow in her expression, a glimmer of something that made my heart clench. Her gaze lingered on Cassian just a bit too long, her eyes darkening with what I could only describe as longing.

I forced myself not to let the dark thoughts creep in, not to panic. Minaj was my friend-loyal, always there for me. I had to believe she would not cross the lines. But the doubt burrowed at the back of my mind quiet, insidious voice that refused to be silenced.

---

Later that night, in bed, Cassian's even breathing a constant beside me, the sound usually so soothing. Tonight, though, my mind refused to relax, swirling around and around over Minaj's expression, that almost predatory way she watched him. Of course, I was likely getting worked up over nothing, my insecurities twisting the truth of what had happened. But a part of me couldn't disregard the gnawing feeling inside, a suspicion that perhaps-just perhaps-her feelings for Cassian weren't as harmless as she made out.

---

Minaj paced her room, her mind racing. At first, her feelings for Cassian had been easy to ignore; she had merely admired his strength, his presence. As the months grew into something much deeper, something she could no longer ignore: watching him lead, fierce loyalty to the pack, his easy charisma. It was just all too much. She'd fallen for him, harder and faster than she'd ever anticipated.

She scowled, nibbling her lip as Niki came to mind. Niki, who had everything Minaj wanted, stood by Cassian's side with a quiet strength that only seemed to make him love her more. Minaj's hands clenched into fists, her heart twisting with jealousy. Why should Niki get to have it all? She'd failed to give him a child; she was vulnerable, weakened by her insecurities. And Minaj knew Cassian deserved someone strong, one who could match his intensity.

She could see a plan begin to take shape in her mind impossibly dangerous idea, yet it coursed a shiver down in her veins. She would be the one by his side, the one he relied on the one one he turned to. She would need only just the right moment, that just-perfect opportunity to show him that she was all Niki could never be.

---

The next evening, Minaj found it.

She slipped into Cassian's private quarters, her footsteps silent as she entered the dimly lit room. Cassian looked astounded to see her there.

"Minaj," he said, his voice steady, though confusion flashed in his eyes. "What brings you here?"

She forced a casual smile, moving closer. "I... wanted to check on you. You've been working so hard, and I know it's been a difficult time.

Cassian nodded, his gaze softening somewhat. "It's been hard, yes. But we're surviving."

Minaj took another step closer, letting her hand settle lightly on his arm. She felt his muscles tense beneath her touch, and her heart ran a pace, a thrill sparking inside her. She kept her voice low, her tone soft, almost intimate.

"I just wanted to let you know... I'm here for you, Cassian. Always. Whatever you need, whenever you need it." Her eyes held his, open and so very fragile, an invitation to behold her as he never had.

Cassian's brow furrowed slightly, and there was a flash of doubt crossing his face. Neither closer, nor farther away. "Thank you, Minaj. It means much to me that you'd have my back in this manner.

Encouraged, she took a step closer still, her body closing the distance between them. Her hand slid down his arm, tracing his skin in a way that left little to the imagination. "You deserve someone who understands you," she murmured, her voice barely louder than a whisper. "Someone who truly sees you."

Cassian's expression darkened and he finally pulled away, hardening his gaze. "Minaj, you're my friend... and Niki's."

She forced a hurt look, her eyes filling with a glint of frustration. "Niki doesn't understand you like I do, Cassian. She can't see you the way I do. She's-"

"Enough." Cassian's voice was quiet, and firm, his expression unreadable as he stared at her. "You're overstepping.

Minaj swallowed, making her face contort into one of repentance. "I'm... I'm sorry. I just... I hate seeing you unhappy. You deserve more, Cassian. You deserve someone who will give you everything."

He shook his head, disappointment in his eyes cutting deeper than any reprimand. "Niki is my mate, Minaj. She's my Luna, and she's more than enough for me.

Minaj's lips seemed to flatten into a thin line as she felt the rapid rise in the temper inside her, and yet she willed herself to nod, to back off, suppressing the anger now writhing under the politeness of her smile. She'd misjudged him, and overplayed her hand; that didn't mean she'd given up. Yet.

As she slipped out of the room, her mind worked at a million miles an hour, as her heart pounded with this new drive. If Cassian couldn't see her worth now, she would make him see it. She needed only that perfect plan. And with Niki's vulnerabilities becoming more and more apparent, Minaj knew it was only a question of time before Cassian turned to her.

---

That night, lying alone in her quarters, thoughts swirled in her mind in a maelstrom of plans, each more interesting than the last. She had learned to be patient over the years, and if there was one thing she knew, it was that the pack admired strength, ad ambition. She was strong; she would do whatever it took.

And where Niki was concerned. Well, she knew just how to make good use of Niki's insecurities.