Pregnant After One Night Stand

"I'm pregnant," I said without hesitation. I gently swirled the contents of the glass I was examining. Ripples formed inside it, but nothing spilled out. The background noise I was facing was as turbulent as the liquid I was observing. Murky. Or rather, noisy.

I usually came to this club just to unwind, but this time, even unwinding felt pointless. For me, it was just a routine visit, hanging out with my two incredibly talkative friends, whom I only agreed to come along with.

"Dang! Don't play around, Anya," one of them exclaimed.

"Shut up! If you want to joke, don't be that foolish!" Obviously, it wasn't my shout, but Doni's, who turned into Dona whenever he was with me. My male friend, who we often called Dona, never got offended by the nickname. He even joked that maybe in his previous life, he was indeed a Dona, minus the sideburns that occasionally grew around his jawline.

"I'm not joking," I replied wearily. My gaze now focused on them, observing how their faces displayed shock and fear. They were both terrified; how about me? As I found out from the pregnancy test result and the series of examinations this afternoon, I no longer knew the color of my face.

Perhaps pale like a corpse.

I, Anya Joice, want to carry a child. In a legitimate bond according to law and religion, that's an absolute requirement. Not like this. Damn it!

"Do you know who the father is?" Dona asked, immediately grabbing my hand. Maybe he needed something to hold onto, unlike me, who felt like I was floating away.

"I do know," I replied weakly. As I was reminded of the person who continued to knock on the doors of my mind, I suddenly felt shivers down my spine.

Around me, it was seriously so noisy. The DJ's music that always livened up our nights disappeared from my life. My body was here, but my mind seemed to have wandered off. Most importantly, I was thinking about another life within me.

"Anya," Naomi, my female friend, held both of my hands. "You can tell us. What's going on with you?"

"Yeah, Anya. You usually talk a lot when something happens," Doni Andrean, his full name, but both Naomi and I mostly called him Dona, added sympathetically. He embraced me, trying to contain part of me in his arms.

Could I hold back my tears? No.

So, I let these tears flow in front of them. I shared my doubts, worries, and other negative thoughts with the two people closest to me. In Washington DC, they were all I had. In this transient world, I was all alone. My parents had long passed away. Their bodies weren't buried in the ground; in my heart, their existence was no longer there. So, I guess I consider them dead.

"Who?" Naomi asked softly.

I was confused myself, wondering why I could be so foolish. I'm not a saintly woman, I apologize. But I'm not the kind of woman who opens her legs for just any man. No, I'm still sane, except maybe two or three months ago, right? I'm a bit forgetful, but I remember vividly, even under the influence of vodka, who was on top of me.

Ah, my goodness! I'm so stupid.

"Cedric," I whispered softly.

"Son of a bitch!" Dona cursed. "Why did you mess around with the office boy?!"

I closed my eyes. If I had known, I definitely wouldn't have done it!

"Anya..." I shuddered when Naomi spoke so softly and sharply. I knew I wouldn't be able to resist her. "Don't jump to conclusions. Cedric is a good guy, Anya. You know that."

"I feel so stupid, Naomi?" I felt cornered now. "You talk like I'm the one who seduced Cedric."

I heard Naomi sigh. "That's not what I meant. You know what I'm trying to say, Ya. If you had said you were pregnant with Dewangga's child, I'd believe you. Or even Kelvin's."

I laughed. "Yeah, right. They've been aggressively pursuing me."

"There you go!"

"Yeah, true." Now, Dona joined in. "And why did you say you were pregnant with Cedric's child? You've rejected Dewangga or Kelvin, who are clearly shining like gems."

I just rolled my eyes in annoyance. I knew the two men they were talking about. One is the IT manager at my workplace, Kelvin Sturborn. The other is the store manager of a café across the street, where we occasionally hang out to unwind after lunch, Dewangga Obrey.

As Naomi said, both of them have been competing for my attention. I'm not trying to act like I'm something special or anything. For me, they both treat me like a dessert. I need more than just sweetness to be enticed. I'm not blind to that. That's why I've been trying to avoid them as much as possible. It's challenging, but at least, I still had my dignity.

And now, my dignity has completely disappeared.

In the silence we shared, my mind was so loud, trying to figure out how I would get through the next day.

"Does Cedric know?" Naomi asked. This question struck me multiple times. Since the first and last time we met and did it, we haven't seen each other again. Except at the office, of course.

"I'm sure he doesn't know yet, Naomi," Dona said to Naomi. "When did you check for pregnancy?"

"This afternoon." My shoulders slumped. The tissue I used to wipe my tears now covered the table, soaked with my tears. This time, we sighed together.

"You have to talk to him. Cedric has to take responsibility," Naomi emphasized the word 'responsibility' in her words just now. "But before that, you have to tell us. Why did you let yourself go with Cedric, but rejected Dewangga or Kelvin, who are obviously dazzling?"

"It's all vodka's fault."

The next definition of being a jerk is when you're hit by a disaster and your two friends laugh at you with great satisfaction.

Just like what I'm experiencing now.

***

I looked at the ultrasound result sheet that I had done earlier this afternoon. Then, I gently rubbed my still-flat belly. I felt like an incredibly wicked person considering getting rid of the life inside me. But it's not because of money. My salary and position are more than enough to meet its needs. I'm sure of that.

What I meant by "capability" is about many things. Especially raising and educating a child. Okay, I know I made a mistake. Naomi was right; I can't just open my legs for anyone. Not to mention the consequences I would face. My job, my life, my habits, and I have to start learning to accept the presence of a little creature called a baby around me in the future. All of that is at stake. I already have to count down how much time I have until my flat belly becomes bigger.

I've already set aside any thoughts about love. What's love got to do with it when Cedric and I only meet occasionally at the office in this case? We just greet each other when Cedric brings me a cup of sweet tea and a full bottle of water. I sigh in frustration afterward. Why did it have to end up with Cedric?!

God, why is my punishment like this?

I can still vividly remember how it came to this. Naomi was right when she said that vodka and I are a crazy combination that should be avoided unless we're having a party together with them, or at least, Dona accompanies me. At that time, I did ask Dona to accompany me, but he had a date. I didn't want to bother him. I'm self-aware enough.

As for Naomi, she was in Bangladesh for work.

Besides vodka, I also feel like blaming my direct superior, Krystal Blaxton. The woman, who is nearing forty, loves to torture me with ever-changing agendas. I'm her secretary, and she's the big boss at my office. It's a company that provides shipping services with a network as vast as the ocean.

The place where I work is considered quite elite. Almost all e-commerce and small to large-scale businesses use our services. All because of Krystal, who dares to take action. To me, Krystal is a role model for a successful independent woman in her career. Minus her tendency to torment her subordinates. Especially me. She said, "You're so smart, Anya. Think about that. Don't tell everything to everyone, be creative, Anya."

Not to mention, "Anya, you know, your face makes me angry. Don't show me your face like a duck. Smile, Anya. Smile."

But I had to carry out a pile, oh, not just a pile, two boxes of work from last year that I had to go through one by one just because there was an agenda she missed. Even though I had already told her a simple way to handle it. Krystal is always right, but I can't refuse to do what she asks.

The peak of it all was when our company was periodically audited externally. And Krystal is a woman with an extremely high level of perfectionism. I'm the one who experienced the effects of it first. Until my stress level facing Krystal was transferred to vodka.

It's understandable, right? I blame Krystal.

I laughed, more towards being pathetic. Cursing myself for this impulsive act that has caused me so much harm.

My phone rang, and when I looked at the clock on the wall of my apartment unit, it was already 2 am. I furrowed my brows. Who could it be at this hour?

Krystal: Don't be late tomorrow. Anya has a meeting at SunCity Tower.

A hardworking person at god-level!

***

"Ma'am, where's your key?"

I hiccupped. My eyes wandered around for a moment to make sure this was the corridor I recognized. As far as I can remember, I was near the table next to the bartender. I don't know how many drinks I've had that made me feel so dizzy. "The key, right?" I reached into the bag I was carrying. "Where is it? I forgot." I grinned.

Even half-conscious, I heard him sigh. "Ma'am, if you're not feeling well, just sit here for a moment. I'll look for the key."

Then what I remembered was him slowly emptying my bag's contents. I saw him searching here and there. In my wallet, makeup bag, or the Stitch-patterned coin purse. Those cute little blue aliens.

"Found it, Ma'am." He showed me a single key with a small keychain. The access card to my apartment unit, I saw that he hung it together with my unit key. "Next time, just like this. So you won't have trouble."

I laughed again. Trying to stand up, I ended up falling into the embrace of the person who was my conversation partner. He grumbled irritably. Maybe he was tired, carrying me who was stumbling. I think so. That's why I feel so light when I walk.

He opened the door. And he carried me again. All the contents of my bag returned to their place, even though I'm sure they were all messed up. I didn't care. My thought at that time was that I felt light. No Krystal's angry voice because I made a mistake in the schedule. The one who almost missed a meeting worth a billion in revenue. Even though it was her fault, I was only doing what she wanted. Why was I the one who got the coaching? It's pointless if I can't accept it.

Queen Krystal and all her authority! That's what made me drive my car to the usual club. Even though I'm alone, at least I know some people there. Including Adi, the bartender.

As I passed the toilet, suddenly, I really wanted to empty whatever was in my stomach. Half-running and causing a commotion by bumping into a display near the wardrobe, at least I wasn't late. I vomited some, I don't know, of what was in my stomach into the toilet. Damn vodka!

I felt slightly cold fingers on the back of my neck. At first, I was about to snap, but the fingers stayed. Massaging gently and offering a box of tissues.

"Thanks," I said as I slowly got up. He still helped me walk towards the sofa. When he successfully sat me down there, he fetched a drink for me.

Even though I was still half-conscious, I knew who this guy was. Cedric. He works as an office boy at my office. But I wonder, is this the effect of alcohol, or does he really look different from usual? Maybe it's because I'm used to seeing him in the typical OB uniform, but now, sitting in front of me is a guy looking relaxed in a black shirt rolled up to his elbows paired with black pants.

I don't know.

I feel like Cedric is different tonight.

Next thing I know, I'm in his lap. But seeing the surprised look in his eyes, I'm sure it's not Cedric who's holding me close to him. It's actually me who's getting close to him.

"Cedric," I gaze straight into his eyes. My fingers trace his jawline slowly. He grumbles irritably and stops my actions.

"Ma'am, it's better for you to sleep. Anya wants to go home."

"Why the hurry?" I ask with a small smile. Then, I get close to him again, very gently. "Be honest with me, Cedric."

"After I'm honest, I get fired."

"I'm not going to imprison you." I laughed amidst my giggles.

"Who's prettier, me or Ms. Krystal?" I playfully wag my finger in front of his nose. My vision is a bit blurry, but I can see him closing his eyes. Maybe he's frustrated with my behavior. I don't care, really. I need him to answer.

Actually, this is not really important, but I've heard a lot of gossip that Ms. Krystal is jealous of me because of my beauty and charm. That's why she often gives me more work than I should have. Torturing me under her control. So, I need another opinion. Maybe Cedric's opinion.

"Anya is the prettiest," he says.

Do I believe him?

No.

Instead, I laugh. "Cedric, Cedric, that's a pretty good lie. I'm not angry, you know, if you're honest."

"I'm not lying." He lowers my finger. "Now, I want to go home. You've arrived at your apartment. Go to sleep."

When he starts to move away, I hold him back. I don't want him to leave. Just who does he think he is?

"Ma'am," he grumbles. He locks my hands behind him. His face turns red. Maybe he's annoyed because I'm in his lap and now I'm moving on top of him.

"Let go," I say teasingly. I'm a bit confused myself about why I'm acting like this. But it feels nice. Teasing Cedric, who's now really angry. I move slightly restlessly because Cedric's grip is quite strong.

"You said I'm pretty?"

He lets go of my hands. Maybe it's because of my restless movements on top of him.

"Yes, you're the prettiest, Anya."

Do I trust that?

No.

I just laugh. "Cedric, Cedric, if you want to lie, do it better. I won't be mad, you know, if you're honest."

"I'm not lying." He gets up, and I hold him back again. I won't accept it. Seriously, I won't accept it. It feels like I'm being rejected outright!

"Fine. Go ahead and leave then." I get up. But I grab the bag I had left near the shoe rack. I also grab my shoes without much thought and put them on just as carelessly.

"Move aside. I want to have some fun again."

Even my walking is stumbling. But I don't care.

"What kind of fun, ma'am?" He pulls me back before I reach the door. "You're drunk. It's better for you to sleep."

"Who told you to boss me around?" I look up because he's very close to me. His black eyes now staring at me. His gaze is sharp, intimidating, but I can't be afraid. Why should I be afraid? Who is he, anyway? He's nobody, right?

In one swift motion, he brings me closer. Our breaths collide. A mix of nicotine, mint, and a hint of cola. Maybe. And then, what I think are his lips touch mine.

"Is this enough?" I blink as he breaks the kiss.

"If I continue, I'm sure you'll regret it."

"Really?" I laugh.

"Anya won't stop even if you ask me to."

I tilt my head. Still laughing at his words. "What are you going to do, huh?" I use my index finger to trace his jawline again. Making him grumble harder than before.

"Never regret it, Anya. Never."

Luckily, I didn't oversleep. I don't know when I fell asleep, but one thing's for sure, tonight I didn't sleep peacefully. Ever since I found out about the other life and a ton of burden suddenly fell on my shoulders, I couldn't sleep soundly anymore. My mind became chaotic. Even though I was attacked by drowsiness, I didn't want to close my eyes.

To make matters worse, the events of that night replayed, albeit somewhat blurry. Now I understand what Naomi meant when she said that yesterday. Clearly. I was the one teasing Cedric. At first, I wanted to deny it and would continue to deny it. But in the end, I gave up. I did tease Cedric. Who wouldn't succumb to temptation when I was completely unaware, supposed to be more cautious than usual?

A black dress above the knees with a high neckline. And to top it off, I was drunk. Is there anything else I regret? Plenty.

That night wasn't the first time I did it. With Cedric, I mean, it was the second time. Back when I was still in college, I felt sad and deeply regretted my actions. Fortunately, we were safe. At least there was nothing that would be my responsibility later. Since then, I never wanted to be trapped again in fear and excessive worry about the consequences.

But the foolish part is that I was careless this time. My brain seemed to have been left in the office toilet. There's no logical thinking like usual. It seemed like I truly became a seductive woman. I don't know if I should feel sad, scared, worried, hurt, or what. But one thing is for sure, regret always comes later.

And now I'm supposed to ask Cedric to take responsibility? That's insane!

When I opened my eyes the next morning after falling asleep exhausted that night, I sat at the edge of the bed, gathering my sanity and memories. When I looked to the other side of the bed, I wished I could rewind and fix it so that I didn't have to face what I'm facing now. Cedric was there. Sleeping soundly shirtless. As for me? Don't even ask. I just wrapped my naked body with a blanket. Massaging my temples quite hard, I still felt the headache.

"Ma'am," he called with a slight groan. Cedric was already fully dressed. He walked towards me and awkwardly sat at the dining table. Right in front of me.

"Don't talk. I don't want to talk about last night." I placed a cup of warm jasmine tea that I liked.

"I-"

"Please, Cedric. Let's forget it. Pretend like nothing happened." I got up. "After finishing your coffee, please go home immediately. I still want to sleep."

"If something happens to you, I take responsibility."

I chuckled softly. "I remember what you said last night. It's impossible to get pregnant from just one night." And I also vividly remembered, even though I was still under the influence of vodka, we did it three times. And without protection. Impressive, right? How stupid of me, Anya!!!

I don't know if my words offended him or what. He just stared at me intensely. Then, without asking for permission, he left. Slamming the door quite hard behind him.

For the first time in my life, I cried about what I had done.

***

"Anya, are you okay?" Krystal's voice startled me, breaking my reverie. I blinked slowly and refocused on my work. "Sorry, ma'am," I replied.

"Have you had breakfast? If not, there are some sandwiches on my desk. We're going to face a long day," Krystal gestured for me to follow her. The sound of her expensive high heels echoed, along with the tapping of my own shoes, as I followed her lead. A small plate with a few sandwich pieces and three stacked folders were handed over to me. Krystal could be both kind and ruthless. I couldn't refuse, so I smiled as sweet as honey and thanked her.

I stared at the cup of warm jasmine tea with a troubled expression. My mind wandered off to who knows where, thinking about my situation for the next few months. Truth be told, I couldn't sleep for more than an hour or two before dawn. Luckily, I was skilled with concealer and foundation. Otherwise, Krystal would be asking me why I had dark circles under my eyes.

Ever since that night, Cedric and I acted like strangers to each other. Limited greetings were all we exchanged. I guess he had a lot of work too. As for me, eating lunch on time was an occasion to give thanks. Sometimes, Cedric would buy me lunch, but that was because he often had his lunch ordered and delivered here. The days following that night, everything was just normal. No burden whatsoever.

Except for this morning.

Everything changed because now I wasn't just taking care of myself. There was Cedric's blood flowing in the fetus I was carrying. When I caught him cleaning my desk and computer screen earlier this morning, I froze. Normally, I'd just smile briefly and sit at another chair, waiting for him to finish his work. My thoughts drifted to how he could possibly take responsibility for us-me and our future child.

Oh God! What should I do?

Last night, I went through my work documents. I read the small company rules book. According to the company rules, there was a three-month maternity leave. But most of the staff here were married. As for me, I wasn't even married. There's no way HR would give me three months of maternity leave, or even just one full month, and still pay me. Impossible. Also, my child wouldn't get any insurance benefits from the company since there was no clear proof of my marriage.

I sighed in frustration. When my eyes fell on a box of business cards with my name on it, the feeling of pressure intensified.

Anya Joice, S.I.K

Secretary to the Board of Directors

Blaxton Express

Batavean Disrict, Koil Tower lot 4

And all of this was at stake. Should I just terminate it all?

***

"Anya?" I flinched. The sheet I was supposed to work on was still blank in my hands. I winced at the thought of my boss turning into a tiger.

"Be focused."

I nodded, unsure of where the conversation was heading.

"Do you have a problem?"

Hastily, I shook my head. Only Naomi and Dona knew about this issue. Krystal? I hoped not! My image would be shattered in an instant, and I wasn't prepared for that. Krystal often praised my performance and skills, and I didn't want that to change just because I was... pregnant.

No.

No.

We were close, but also distant. She easily asked questions and always got answers, but no one dared to ask her questions in return. Even if someone did, Krystal would just smile in response.

Her fortress was too high, and maybe that's why I got used to it. I emulated how a career woman should act. Only to certain people would I open up about who I truly was. But that didn't apply to Krystal. She remained an untouchable woman.

And I should be like that too, right? Oh God! Anya, I swear... I'm incredibly stupid!!!

"Yes, you do." My reverie broke, and Krystal held up a bundle of red folders that I had given her earlier. It contained the key points for our collaboration with the E-commerce department. My brows furrowed; I couldn't find any issues there. I had double-checked everything.

"Fix it."

And Krystal left just like that. I quickly skimmed through the pages, stealing glances at the clock on my computer's toolbar. I felt frustrated because I only had thirty minutes. Oh my God! The delayed meeting time was helpful, but having to fix the key points in just thirty minutes?

My eyes scanned the pages frantically, and finally, I noticed the mistake. Oh my God! Krystal was questioning my focus! No time to waste; I immediately corrected the error. It was about the budget, and I had already agreed with the finance department. This was a critical point that we would consider in the meeting later. Why did this have to be wrong? Oh my God!

The printer hadn't even finished printing the revisions, and Krystal had already left the room. This made me feel even more flustered as I scrambled to put on my high heels.

"Ready, Anya?"

"Yes, ma'am."

She simply nodded and started walking without caring if I was ready. For her, time was money, and opportunities should never be wasted. Fortunately, she didn't leave me behind in the elevator.

"Don't lose focus, okay? How long have you been working with me?"

I chose to purse my lips.

When the elevator doors opened, the sound of our high heels tapping echoed. Some people turned and gave us fake smiles, especially towards Krystal. As usual, my boss only gave a small smile. She wore an army green slit pencil skirt, paired with a long-sleeved shirt that highlighted her long neck. Her long hair cascaded freely. Hermes was always Krystal Blaxton's favorite brand.

Like a model, she always managed to captivate almost everyone's attention in the lobby. She was my reflection. Until yesterday, that is. Because now, I felt like I was plummeting into the void. Ah, minus zero even.

Charismatic, independent, smart, beautiful, elegant, polite, and actually... kind. She was just an over-perfectionist. I always took Krystal as my role model. Seven years working under the same flag, with the last four as her secretary. It made me learn so many styles and positive auras that Krystal presented in front of a crowd, especially in business meetings.

But now? Everything feels pointless.

"Anya, seriously. Do you need to take leave next week?" Krystal asked.

I blinked slowly, trying to gather my thoughts after daydreaming.

"Did you hear what Anya just said?"

"Leave?" I mumbled.

Krystal got into her luxurious sedan with a very distinct huff. I was sure it was directed at me. As my behind landed on the plush leather seat of her car, she was still not done making me feel foolish today.

"Why won't you talk to me? What's wrong with you?" Krystal shot at me, her eyes sharp.

"Because, I need your focus, Anya. Don't mess up this meeting. You know what I mean, right?" I strengthened my resolve. "I don't have any problems, ma'am. Maybe it's just because I didn't get enough sleep last night."

I heard her sigh, her hands now in a relaxed position. "Next time, I won't be like this again."

***

The meeting went just as Krystal wanted, leaving a pile of work for me. We returned to the office at five o'clock. Office hours officially ended, but for me, not yet. I refused to leave any work unfinished today. Tomorrow's business can wait. Today's tasks must be done today. It wasn't too much work anyway. If my calculations were correct, I should be out of the office by seven.

Krystal's back disappeared behind her office's glass door. I quickly placed the documents and my bag down, then sat back, leaning against the chair. Today had been tiring for me. Maybe washing my face to feel fresh again wouldn't be a bad idea. So, I acted on my intention, exchanging my heels for pink fluffy sandals for comfort.

Indeed, it was not a bad idea at all. I felt refreshed and ready for overtime. For a moment, I forgot about the overwhelming thoughts of what was inside my womb. When I returned to the room, Cedric was there, just stepping out of Krystal's office.

I don't know why, but my body tensed up. As if everything that happened between Cedric and me automatically played in my mind.

"Ms. Anya?" I didn't know how long I had been daydreaming. What I knew was that Cedric was now standing in front of me, looking confused. I cleared my throat briefly and chose to walk past him, ignoring his presence.

"Are you working late, ma'am?"

Usually, he often asked this question to employees who left the office late. Some of them would request a cup of coffee or warm tea and snacks. "Ah, yes. Anya is working overtime."

"Do you want me to make you tea as well?"

I didn't know how to respond.

"Ms. Krystal also asked for tea. Maybe Ms. Anya wants some too?" Cedric seemed to be looking down when I glanced at him. I don't know why.

"Sure."

He only nodded briefly and disappeared from my view. I had to completely ignore his presence, forget about what happened over the past two months, and pretend that what was inside me didn't exist. Or maybe I should just get rid of it? It's distracting my concentration, after all.

Really.

Oh well, this time, I better stay late. Krystal hadn't shown any signs of leaving yet. I could still hear her voice, probably on the phone with someone.

"I put it here, ma'am."

Maybe because I was too focused and immersed in my work, I just nodded without looking at Cedric again. Slowly, the scent of jasmine tea and salty cheese reached my nose. I glanced at the tray that Cedric had placed on the nearby table.

I hope you like it.

Cedric