Playground 51 - The Wildest Magic School on Earth

In the coldest place on Earth, untouched by human footsteps for millennia, stands a headquarters. Here, the descendants of the fallen angels gather for a meeting.

RU'INKTA

Silence! Silence! What is all the excitement about?

VOOOKIMA

Who wouldn't be excited? The news is so thrilling!

RU'INKTA

News from where?

ARGO-B-45556

Neo-Babylon, of course. Hollywood, America.

RU'INKTA

Hmm? How goes it?

ARGO-B-45556

Well, the Gregory show has just celebrated its three millionth relationship destroyed!

Gasp of amazement sounded throughout the room. Excited whispers, then cheers as the Fallen ones begin to clap at the fantastic news.

RU'INKTA

That is impressive! The show has only been on for 10 years.

DAKI

It's taken the Jerry Springer Show nearly 30 years to reach those kinds of numbers!

RU'INKTA

We must document the success so we can replicate it. America was one of our toughest opponents but thanks to their Media and Hollywood, they are all but destroyed! And they will soon take the rest of the world with them! AHAHAHA!

RU'INKTA

What do you suppose is attributed to the great success of this show?

ARGO-B-45556

Well, there are the superficial things. A likable, grandfatherly host. A well-decorated TV set.

ARGO-B-45556

But let's be real. The wow factor is the 'Paternity Test." This has done more to destroy the trust between men and women than anything on the planet.

ARGO-B-45556

The men look like irresponsible losers who hate children and use women. They could never be trusted to lead a household. And the women look like untrustworthy whores who will trap a man with a baby that isn't his. Both sides look awful and ridiculous. They both fall from the image of the loving creator into a demonic being, like us!

RU'INKTA

Fantastic! We must replicate this show as much as we can. Also, don't forget the cheating, scandals, and liars. We must put the fear of love and relationships into all humans, so make these center stage at all times. Blend this in with the Paternity test so it seems less obvious. And make sure all episodes of the Gregory show are free online so anyone can access them at any time.

ARGO-B-45556

Right!

RU'INKTA

This is a nice start, but how goes it on all the other fronts?

VOOOKIMA

Quite well, your magistrate. We have the Americans fighting and hating each other on all fronts. Marriage rates are down, and men and women don't trust each other at all. And even friendships are down. This is the loneliest generation on record. The humans are divided on almost everything-race, religion, economics, politics, child rearing. We even have vegans fighting the meat-eaters. And the Baby boomers, versus all the generations that preceded them. The humans are a cesspool of hatred and discontent with each other!

RU'INKTA

FANTASTIC! YES! It's been the perfect plan. Use Television and now the internet to plant distrust and hatred within the human race.

RU'INKTA

To think, "The Great Power" thought these ridiculous humans would be loving like him. Hahaha! No, they are just as selfish and self-centered as the great power claimed WE are. He cast us out of heaven for their sake? We will destroy these worthless humans and do it in the MOST entertaining way possible. Using the human's own creativity against them. AHAHAHA!

VOOOKIMA

Speaking of entertainment, the Gregory show is about to begin. Would you like to watch the chaos and see for yourself?

RU'INKTA

Why, Yes. I would! Let's see how this most glorious weapon of evil functions!

RU'INKTA

Pass me the remote...

He gets handed the remote, and he clicks it with a devious smile on his face.

The scene goes BLACK. And then....

INT. THE GREGORY SHOW - ON T.V.

The set of the TV talk show "GREGORY" lights up with an upbeat musical number.

We see a smiling GREGORY, 50s, salt and pepper hair, sitting on stage holding a manila envelope in his hands.

GREGORY

Okay! Our next guest is Jasmine. She's been sleeping with a married man and is here to prove that he's the father of her 18-month-old daughter, Pixieyeayah!

Sitting in a chair beside Gregory, JASMINE, white, 24 gets animated and starts "telling it like it is" to the audience.

JASMINE

Yeah, that's right! Rahbeem's a deadbeat! He needs to take care of our baby!

The large monitor TV screen behind Gregory displays a plump baby girl.

JASMINE

Yeah! That's her! That's my baby, look at 'er! Ain't she beautiful?

Gregory still smiling brightly as he turns back around.

GREGORY

Oooh, she's fat!

Jasmine frowns.

GREGORY

Let's bring out the man who might be the father of Fat Pat!

JASMINE

Her name is PIXIEYEAYAH–

GREGORY

FAT PAT! Rahbeem Roth, come on out here and let's see if you are the father!

RAHBEEM ROTH, an overweight 25-year-old Black man, struts out. The audience starts booing and jeering.

Jasmine is on her feet, heckling him as soon as he appears.

JASMINE

BOOO!! That's right, BOOO! Take care a yo' baby!

RAHBEEM

Booooo to you too! That ain't my baby! Look at that baby!

He angrily points at the monitor.

RAHBEEM

She don't look nothing like me!

JASMINE

What you mean that ain't your baby? Look how big her ass is! Who I had that BIG ASS baby with, if not YOU?

RAHBEEM

See what ya'll don't know is Jasmine comes from a whole family of PAGAN WITCHES.

SFX: The audience "ohhh's."

GREGORY

(Looks mystified)

Pagan witches?

RAHBEEM

Yeah! They into all kinds of dark magic, voodoo stuff! They all Spiritual-ist!

JASMINE

Why spirits gonna make my baby fat like that? That's your GENES that made her fat! Spirits of yo' fat ass DNA cells!

Jasmine and Rahbeem start arguing angrily in each other's faces.

The audience continues laughing and yelling, fully entertained by this.

JASMINE

If I know witchcraft, why yo' ass ain't a chicken right now? Huh? Why you ain't a six-piece?

RAHBEEM

All you do is think about food. That's why that baby's so big! Look at 'er. LOOK! She tryna eat the little giraffes on her baby clothes!

The baby is on the screen, chewing on the little giraffe print on her baby shirt.

Gregory finally stops laughing and holds up the envelope.

GREGORY

I have the results of the paternity test right here!

The audience starts clapping and cheering with anticipation.

Gregory opens the envelope with the results of the paternity test. Jasmine and Rahbeem keep yelling at each other.

RAHBEEM

Paternity test? You need to test that baby's cholesterol. Jasmine be tryna fry her baby food!

JASMINE

You havin' another one of your delirious dreams! A psychotic fit!

Gregory pulls the sheet of paper out of the envelope; he begins to read it.

GREGORY

Rahbeem...

SFX: Drum Roll.

GREGORY

You are the father!

Rahbeem jumps up and spins around angrily.

RAHBEEM

DAMN IT!

Jasmine jumps up and starts cheering and getting in his face.

JASMINE

Woooo!!! I told you!! I TOLD YOU!!

RAHBEEM

Well, I-if I'm the father then-

RAHBEEM

(A beat)

YOU GONNA STOP FEEDING THAT BABY FRIED PLANTAINS THEN!

Jasmine and Rahbeem are both standing up, getting in each other's faces again.

Jasmine pushes him and dares him to hit her back. She takes a thugged-out fighting stance, like she's going to fight him like a man.

Rahbeem stays put and continues to reprimand Jasmine for feeding his 18-month-old daughter bacon burgers and Jalapeno cheese fries.

The audiences applaud and jeers.

And Gregory sits there looking very satisfied at having completely debased the human race just a little bit more today.

And as Gregory continues a somewhat sinister-sounding laugh, the scene switches off just like a TV set. And there's a stalling darkness.

EXT. B.LUCKY WORLD THEME PARK – DAY

A few children run around what looks like a giant lagoon, but it's a man-made pool of water. One Child has a balloon shaped like the theme park's mascot, a white rabbit named "B.Lucky."

At the far end of the pool is a giant replica of an Aztec temple, with a water slide coming out of its open mouth.

We're looking at the children's legs as they run past an ominous figure whose legs are draped in all black and is slowly marching towards the pool. Those legs stop at the pool's edge, as if the figure is looking into the water.

INT. THE LAGOON – SAME

Soft music starts to play as we see the man dressed in all black, KAYE BELTRAN, from the inside of the lagoon.

His figure quivers as we're looking at him through the water. Then his shape is broken up by bubbles rising.

As the camera sinks, it passes four boys who are floating, looking unconscious in the water.

RICHARD BELTRAN, a boy of about 11 years old, opens his eyes and realizes he's drowning. He starts flailing in a panic, trying to swim up to air, but no matter how hard he tries, he can't make it.

DISSOLVE TO BLACK.

FADE IN.

Still in the water, Richard wakes up again. The music grows even slower and more warped.

From Richard's POV, we see the quivering, watery image of KAYE BELTRAN again. Now he's crouching at the edge of the pool, observing all the boys who are drowning.

Richard calls for Kaye, but only bubbles escape as he sinks deeper into the dark water.

In a last-ditch effort, Richard reaches out with all that's left in him as Kaye reaches toward him.

A bright light explodes from Kayes's hand, and the entire pool explodes in pure light. Everything else fades to white, including Richard.

INT. THE POOL – SAME

The bright white light fades as the warped-sounding music gains momentum, until it becomes a rap beat.

EXT. ABSOLUTION ACADEMY SCHOOL – DAY

Richard and the other three boys leap out of the water and onto dry land. Now, they were all teenagers wearing the school uniform for ABSOLUTION ACADEMY: School for Witchcraft and Wizardry.

They stand side by side in unison, as if they were a heroic superteam ready for battle.

A mob of protestors approaches them, holding up anti-witchcraft signs and chanting angrily. The fight was on! A battle for their school and the soul of Menzai Island. A manmade island off the coast of New York. Was the Island going to be devoted to mysticism or science? The four child soldiers who guarded the school would help decide its fate.

PROTESTORS

Hell no! Witches, GO! Hell no! Witches, GO!

Suddenly, the ground trembles. The four boys almost lose their footing as a giant shadow stretches across the courtyard.

SETH BYNUM is the fearless leader of this super team. He's fearless because he's pretty much out of his mind.

There's an enchanted guitar on his back, and he swings it around and starts playing it.

SETH

Head up! A bad vibe this way comes!

The heavy stomping grows louder until a shiny, all-white, mecha robot stomps into view, towering over the protestors like divine judgment.

Inside the cockpit, teenage mech pilot, ADAM KIRAGE, grins like a televangelist with a missile launcher.

His voice booms through the loudspeaker in the cockpit of the metal beast.

ADAM

That's RIGHT! Tell these witches to hit the bricks! Menzai Island is my family's property, and we created it for real supernatural studies! Under a good, God-fearing, paranormal technologies firm called SOMNIX INCORPORATED!

ADAM

We put SCIENCE over SHRUNKEN HEADS! Join the winning team, LOSERS! All that witchcraft malarky died at the hands of science once, and it will die at the hands of science again!

Seth continues playing his guitar.

SETH

Bro loves to hear the sound of his own voice, don't he?

EDDIE BON MOON, known as "The Genius," has dreadlocks cascading from beneath aviator goggles.

Subtitles appear on the screen whenever Eddie speaks Japanese.

(The subtitles don't always match what Eddie is saying exactly; they match more "the spirit" of his words)

EDDIE

でも,彼が言ってることって本当に信じられるのかな?

科学と論理の手によって他に何が死んだんだろう?

(SUBTITLES: Though, is there any validity to what he's saying? What else died at the hands of science and logic?)

CHRISTOPHER ROBYN is the "Bad Boy/Heart Throb" of the team. He's a handsome blonde, dressed in all black with witchcraft tattoos all over his body. He likes big, far-out ideas and concepts, like soul mates and conspiracy theories.

He pulls the cigarette out of his mouth as he chuckles at the absurdity of Adam and his mecha getting the Christians riled up to protest them.

CHRIS

He's a typical rich boy putting profit over real human progress. I'm pretty sure this crackpot is of a lizard bloodline, too!

Eddie, Richard, and Seth give him confused looks.

Adam's voice crackled back through the mech's speaker.

ADAM

Hey Chris, maybe if you stopped worshiping the sun, your conspiracy theories would sound less delirious! You Idiot!

CHRIS

I do NOT worship the sun!

He blows out the rest of the smoke as he tosses the cigarette to the ground and stomps on it.

CHRIS

Anyway, that thing in the sky is not really the sun. It's a hologram made by the Chinese.

EDDIE

(blinks)

何これ?

(SUBTITLES: What the hell?)

SETH

(Chuckles)

Shut up, Chris.

Richard, now 14 and visibly older than he was in the last scene, is a former child actor. He's always confused.

RICHARD

Aww man!

Bangs his magic wand.

RICHARD

I think I broke it!

Richard leans forward to address someone next to Chris.

RICHARD

(Whines)

Professooor! Can I go get my other wand? This one's broken!

A striking figure steps forward. He has long, wavy red hair and glasses. In his hand, he holds a golden scepter.

PROFESSOR DIAZ flips the scepter into the air and points it at the protestors.

PROFESSOR DIAZ

That won't be necessary, Richard. We aren't going to get violent. No one needs to get hurt.

CHRIS

So then what was the point of us nearly drowning in that moat, trying to get the drop on them?

Professor Diaz pushes up his glasses, smiles, and then tosses his staff to Chris as he walks off.

PROFESSOR DIAZ

Drama...

Chris catches the scepter with a dumbfounded look on his face, watching Diaz abandon them to go chat with the news people.

The protesters are getting closer and louder.

PROTESTORS

Hell no, witches GO! Hell no, witches GO!

Their signs bobbed like angry confetti in the air. Adam Kirage, still perched inside his mech suit like a theologian in a tank, raises his microphone.

ADAM

And it's only right we purge the land in the name of SCIENCE... uh... I mean, THE HOLY GOD! Just look at these four! Sodom and Gomorrah, that's all I'm saying! And this is what all your children will look like if you let this ABOMINATION of magic school get built. They will all be broke-looking and stupid!

Chris snorts, and Seth rubs his eyes, exhausted.

SETH

God, just shut up, please, Adam!

Two girls suddenly run out onto the field dressed in the female version of Absolution Academy's uniform. They stand in front of the boys, their arms outstretched protectively, as if to block the males from harm.

The first girl has brown skin and facial features like Eddie's, but her hair is a thick cascade of brown and gold curls. This is PORTIA BON MOON.

PORTIA

You guys had better back up! I'm not going to let you hurt my future husband or my brother!

The other girl has neon pink hair and a few scene girl star stickers on her face. This is CIRCE BYNUM,

CIRCE

YEAH! I'm not going to let you hurt my husband, who is also my brother!

Seth twists his face.

SETH

EW! What?!

Circe turns to him.

CIRCE

Not you, idiot! I mean, our foster brother.

She blows a kiss to Richard.

RICHARD

(Grimaces)

That's still, EW!

EDDIE

And who the hell is your future husband, Portia? You better not be talking about this guy (points at Chris) who thinks the Chinese made the sun!

Portia looks over her shoulder at Chris.

PORTIA

Darling, I told you not to tell anyone about your quirky little sun theory!

Chris folds his arms and doubles down.

CHRIS

I am a man! And I say what I want to say!

ADAM (V.O.)

(Booming from the mecha)

See? Now they have cute little girls fighting for them. Women always have to fight liberals battles!

SETH

You guys are making things worse! Go join Professor Diaz, where it's safe.

CIRCE

But we want to help!

CHRIS

This is a man's job! You two skirts need to beat it!

ADAM

Yeah! Back in the kitchen, both of you!

The girls hesitate as if ignoring all the boys. Then a turkey burger hits Portia in the face.

PORTIA

HEY!

Circe gets smacked with a fully cooked hot dog.

CIRCE

They're throwing food at us?!

CHRIS

AWWW YEAH!!!

He spins the scepter with martial arts skill as he approaches the protestors.

CHRIS

BACK IT UP! BACK IT UP!

More food gets flung around, nearly hitting the boys.

CHRIS

Seth, hurry up and do something! The Sweet blood of Jesus got 'em ready to jack us up!

SETH

Right!

SETH

(Turns to the others)

You two girls, beat it! Michael Jackson style!

He does a spin and a Michael Jackson move for emphasis. Portia rolls her eyes, unimpressed, and Circe picks up the hot dog off the floor and starts eating it, as if using it to help her cope. They both finally walk away, heading to join Professor Diaz.

SETH

You three should go talk to the media and keep them busy. I am the strongest wizard here out of the four of us, and I can handle some angry protestors alone.

CHRIS

Are you crazy? If I'm not here, these people are going to crucify you!

RICHARD

(Groans)

WHAT? Not the media! Please?

EDDIE

Jigoku Kesshite!

(Subtitles: Hell-to-the-NO!)

SETH

Don't Jiggy-jew kiss-whatever me, Eddie! You, Chris, and Richard are charming; you can sell us to the media. And let's be honest, none of you are good at magic.

CHRIS

Hey! I can do this stupid magic shit as well as you can!

He pulls out another cigarette and places it between his lips. Raising his index finger, he rubs it repeatedly against the skin of his thumb until a small flame flickers to life at its tip. He leans in, using it to light his cigarette.

CHRIS

(all proud of himself)

Viola!

SETH

(Ponders him)

EDDIE

Seth, there's no way you should send me to talk to the media. Did you not notice I'm black? If you put my face in the media to represent Absolution Academy, they'll say the school got roaches and that we barbecue at lunch every day!

Chris laughs around his cigarette. Seth twists his lips, surprised by the comment.

EDDIE

If I'm the face of the school, no one rich will send their children here.

RICHARD

That's not true, Eddie! Most people are not that racist! And what's wrong with barbecue at school every day?

Whispers to himself, mystified by the concept.

RICHARD

That shit sounds turnt!

Seth gets slammed in the face with some flying spare ribs.

SETH

OW!

EDDIE

I need to be part of this attack! I know a way to get the Christians good without hurting anyone, I swear! My parents were Christians. I understand these guys.

Richard fumbles, searching for a reason to stay, but the only thing he can think of is, "The media is going to ask me questions I don't want to answer."

Seth wipes some BBQ sauce off his face and licks his fingers.

SETH

Fine! Chris and Eddie stay. Rich, you're the actor; you can handle some reporters.

SETH

Come on, let's do this quick! I'm getting hungry.

He bends down, picks up the barbecue rib off the floor, and starts eating as he runs off towards the crowd.

Eddie and Chris shoot him a look of disgust before trailing after him, curious about what kind of home he and Circe were raised in.

Adam, still inside the mech, was ranting.

ADAM

And I want you to remember who helped lead the resistance against this hellspawn magic school! Somnix Corps, your friendly leaders in paranormal technology!

Chris raises the scepter. A long, intense stream of pink lightning shoots out from the pearl bulb atop it.

Seth hits a powerful chord on his guitar, making the lightning stream all the more intense. The lightning crackles loudly and strikes the mech's leg.

BOOM!!!

The machine tilts as fire grows from the wound. It lets loose a mechanical groan, then collapses.

The protestors scatter. Adam screams as an airbag inflates inside the crashing cockpit, saving him from serious injury.

Chris and Eddie fist-bumped. Seth chuckles.

EDDIE

Nice work, Chris!

They smile at each other.

EDDIE

If you touch my sister, I will end your life...

Chris gulps, looking as if he takes that threat seriously.

Meanwhile, Adam curses and raves from inside the wreckage.

Richard, left alone, sighs sadly. The guys always seem to be having fun together...without him. Now, he had to speak to the media all by himself. What a nightmare.

He looks over at the crowd of people apprehensively. Then gets lost for a moment in a memory that he can't quite remember...

SETH

RICH!

Richard snaps out of it and looks at Seth, who twerks his head towards the news people.

SETH

Go get 'em!

Richard rolls his eyes and groans again. But without another word, he starts sloshing over to the news people.

Food continues to fly all over the place as the camera pans to where Richard is heading. The Absolution Academy schoolhouse.

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