Part Of Me

Dear life, I really have to hand it to you. You are so unpredictable. I actually hate you for being that way. Everyday, I feel like dying even though I am alive. I feel so suffocated even though there is air around. I feel so lonely even though people are around me. Why is it that some people experience the good side of life and others experience the bad. Ma says that god tests those that he wishes and good times are ahead for those who are patient and faithful. I am losing faith right now and I feel like I can never get back to the cute, lively, bubbly girl I was ten years ago.

I know that he has forbidden me from ever saying this but I wish that I could die and be forgotten. I wish that god could take my life and make the pain go away cause it becoming to much to bear . I feel bad for my parents though and I feel so selfish but still...... these demons in me won't let me live or do what I want. They keep on whispering into my ears every single time. I am tired, I am scared, I am gone".

"Avni darling, please come downstairs. Your dad has been waiting for the both of us for the past 10 minutes and you know how much he hates waiting" my mom yelled from downstairs.

"Coming ma. I just need a minute" I yelled back down.

I zipped close my suitcase before letting out a sigh. My suitcase and I both got off my bed and I took one final look at the bedroom I had been staying in for the past 10 years. A tear escaped my eyes as I remembered all the good memories I had made in this room. "This isn't goodbye" I said before wiping the tears away and leaving the room.

As I walked down the stairs, I could see my mom busy tapping her feet anxiously. She knew how much my dad hated waiting and also didn't like to make him wait. I got downstairs with my suitcase and made to my mom. She smiled at me as I faced her. I bent down to touch her feet and in return she blessed me.

"God bless you my dear" she said as I got up.

"Divya, Avni, if you ladies are done can we please go. If we don't leave now we are going to miss our flight" my dad yelled from outside.

"Coming Ramesh" my mom said with a grin. She looked at me and I also looked back at her with grin. We both knew that my dad was already getting annoyed.

"Shall we?" My mom asked me. I nodded with a smile and then we both went outside while the servant carried my suitcase to the car.

"So finally you both decided to come out, I thought that you both were going to stay there forever" my dad taunted with a smirk.

"Stop it Ramesh" my mom scolded as she hit his arm.

" why are you hitting me Divya? My dad asked cutely.

"Do you want more? Shall I hit you some more? My mom threateningly asked with her hand raised.

"Sorry sorry divya, shall we go now? He asked with a smile. Mom smiled back at him and then nodded her head.

We all got into the car and on our way to the airport. The journey to the airport consisted of my mom telling my dad about shopping in London while I was left to my thoughts. I snapped out if it and focused on my parents who were busy getting excited about London. I smiled.

"They really look excited" I told myself.

We got to the airport and after checking in, we got on the plane.

We were flying first class and for somebody like me and with my type of personality, first class was such a relieve. We took our seats and after a few minute we heared an announcement from the pilot.

"Hello everybody, this is your pilot, Captain shlok metha, we are about to take off, please fasten your seat belt and await take off".

I did my seat belt after watching how my parents did theirs. I relaxed my back backwards and started inhaling and exhaling in and out.

"Deep breathes Avni. Just take deep breaths" I said to myself as my heart began to race. My body was becoming really shaky and it seemed like everything was closing up on me.

"Avni, are you alright dear?" My dad asked worriedly.

I looked at him from my seat and flashed him a weak smile. I looked away and took even deeper breaths. "calm down Avni. "Calm down" I told myself.

The plane got into position, moved on the run way before taking off into the sky. By that time, I was already calming down. I looked at my parents again who were still worried and gave them the "it's all good" look. They sighed gratefully before flashing me a smile.

I felt so sorry for them. I really did. They had to deal with this type of situation at any place and any time. I gave my mom a signal that I needed water and she dutifully ringed for the air hostess and requested water.

The air hostess brought my mom the water but mom told her that I was the one who needed the water. She came over to my seat and gave me the glass of water with a smile.

I gratefully took the water and used it to take my medicine. I needed to avoid this type of situation at any cost and if pills were the way out then I would gladly take them.

I handed the glass back to her and then closed my eyes to take some rest. Almost immediately, my eyes shot back open.

I darted a look at my parents, they were already fast asleep!. "Unbelievable" I said under my breath.

I could definitely. understand why they were tired, considering the one week of packing we had just observed.

I for one couldn't sleep. I was tired from all the packing but I still couldn't fall asleep. Why? Cause I kept on worrying. About what? Well, about everything. So many thoughts ran in my head but the main reasons for my worries could be summarized to the fact that I was on a plane which was taking me to an unknown land by the name of "London". I didn't know what to expect and I was fearful of not knowing what to expect, not knowing what the future held for me in London. Unlike normal people, I wasn't the type to sit and wait to see what would happen. I needed to plan so that I would have the solution to every problem that I would face.

"A girl who has spent her entire life in india, refused to interact with people for so long and doesn't even have basic communication skills really think that she can survive in London" my mind scared me.

I was immediately gripped with fear. My mind wasn't lying. I was a girl who had spent her entire life in India. I never came out, never interacted with people and the only people that I did interact with were my parents but most of the time I was in my room, wallowing in my misery. I wondered why we had to leave india. Going to London was just going to be another challenge for me and trust me, I hated challenges.

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B-O-O-M!.

"Mom, dad, I am in here!" I screamed from the top of my lungs. I looked round the almost destroyed classroom feeling super scared and frustrated. The entire classroom was already in rumbles and I was stuck in it. The dust and smoke everywhere were on the verge of suffocating me

"Window, yes a window" I thought. I looked around for a window. I spotted one and quickly ran to it. I tried to get it open but it wouldn't budge. After a number of futile attempts, I dropped to the ground and began to cry.

"Mom, dad, I am in here" I screamed again with tears freely flowing down my cheeks. What was the point of screaming? Nobody was going to come for me, I might as well just lay down here comfortably and die.

Amidst all my thoughts, I heard the sound again. The sound which had always kept me on alert. BOOM!

It was the sound of a bomb being thrown at the east wing of the school. It was definitely getting nearer to where I was. I picked up my sorry self and decided that I had to get out of here. With tears still streaming down, I noticed an opening at the door which had been created when the bomb had been thrown. I squeezed my self out of the classroom and began to run. To where? I didn't know. I had to run to a place away from bomb and the terrorist. As I ran away from the classroom, something made me stop in my tracks and sent shivers down my spine. It was the sight of the dead bodies in front of me that made me stop in my tracks. I immediately froze at that spot. What was I seeing in front of me? The bodies of my friends and teachers. I could feel the tears gushing out of my eyes and wanted to scream loudly but the sound wouldn't come out. I heard footsteps approaching but I was too weak in the knee to even move a muscle.

Suddenly someone pulled me away from the spot where I stood and we both hid behind the stairs. A shadow appeared close to where we were. It belonged to one of the terrorists. He was carrying an Ak47 gun in his arm. He looked around to see if anyone one was here but he only met the pile of dead bodies. He smilled with satisfaction as he stepped on the head of one of the dead kids until the head disambled. My eyes widened with horror at this sight and I was on the verge of screaming when my savior signaled me to hold it in and keep quiet. I hadn't noticed him until now. The terrorist left and my saviour heaved a sigh of relief. He looked at me with steady eyes and asked, "what were you just about to do?"

I was too petrified to speak and simply just kept mute. "Do you know what would have happened if you had screamed?" It would have been the end for the both of us".

I looked at him with teary eyes and said, "They killed her". "They really killed her". His expression softened as he realized that I was petrified from what I had just seen. I quietly began to sob. He looked at me pitifully and then gave me a quick but gentle hug.

"Don't cry" he told me. He released me from the hug and then looked at me.

"Everything is going to be alright" he told me.

"How do you know? I asked as I wiped my tears away. He shrugged his shoulders and said,

"I don't know but it's better than saying everything is not going to be alright". He smiled at me and I also smiled back in spite of myself.

" Is everyone dead? I asked him. He looked at me as if he was unsure of what to say. Finally he joked, "not everyone, we both are still alive". I didn't find his joke funny and he too had realized it.

"we should go" he told me. "Where will we go?", I asked scared.

"We have to find away out of the school before it's all bombed down" he responded. As if on cue, we both heard another bomb being thrown again. I instantly started crying again."I don't want to die","I want to go back to my mother and father". I don't want to die" I sobbed

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"I don't want to die! I-I don't wa-nt to die" I screamed in my sleep. My eyes shot opened, looking horrified. My entire body was shaking violently and my heart, on the verge of ripping out of my chest. I tried to reach for my medicine and a glass of water on my bed's side drawer. Unfortunately, I ended up tipping over the glass of water and my medicine. The glass shattered into pieces.

"I am going to die, I am going to die" I thought panting heavily. I looked around my room and all I saw were smoke and dust."I can't breathe! Help! I can't breathe! I screamed really loudly. I rolled off of my bed and landed on the shattered glasses.

"Avni!! My mom screamed horrified as she saw me on the ground trying to breathe like a person suffering from asthma. She had heard my screams from her room and quickly made for my room. She quickly brought me back onto my bed. Going over to the bed's side drawer, she took my emergency pills and bottle water. She helped me to take my pills before beginning to rub my hands and legs. She was already in tears.

"Oh Lord, please help Avni, please help my avni" my mom prayed as she rubbed my hands and legs crying.

"I'm going to die! I yelled crying.