One Touch of Serenity

** August 2000 **

Hannah Morales stared at her reflection in the mirror. Just a few minutes ago, three women surrounded her. Whilst one worked on her hair, the other applied a variety of products on her face which she had lost count of and the last woman arranged the beautiful white dress she had on.

It wasn't like the typical dress every girl dreamt of wearing on a day like this. This one was special and it meant the world to her.

Her grandmother wore it. So did her mom. And now, she was wearing it. And she loved it. It was a beautiful dress after all, not adorned with extravagant pearls and whatnot. It was simple yet classy.

And it was what the women in her family had worn on their wedding day, a day Hannah has been dreaming of. The day when she walked down the aisle, wearing the same dress her mother wore whilst she was minutes away from marrying the love of her life.

Except, the man she was marrying wasn't the love of her life. He was her friend and Hannah had a great amount of respect for him. But she didn't love him. They grew up together and went to the same high school, but that was it. Her feelings for him are purely platonic. As for every man she'd met.

Matter of fact, she didn't like anyone with a joystick between their legs. Growing up, Hannah Morales found her attraction to women insane. It wasn't until she turned seventeen that she fully came to terms with it. The fact that she loved women. So much so that she'd grown to hate the thought of being with a man intimately. Hell, the thought of coming home to a man after a long ass day at work made her stomach churn.

But it had to be done. For the sake of her family and the position they held in the community. Coming out would soil their reputation, which is why she didn't protest when they asked her to marry Austin Jenkins, she agreed.

Her dad was the mayor of the city. And her mom, well, she was a trophy wife, and her soon-to-be in-laws were quite known around town too. Two influential families coming together. One word, power.

But Hannah didn't want to be a trophy wife like her mom. There was so much she wanted to do with her life. She wanted to start up her own business and make a name for herself, not hide behind her family's last name and her husband's last name like her mother did.

And that was the aspect where both women didn't see eye to eye.

"Oh Hannah my dear, you look lovely" her mother, Mrs Morales walked in, a proud smile on her face and a pool of tears gleaming in her eyes.

She looked briefly at the woman whom she took her hazel eyes from. "Thanks, mom" she looked back at her reflection.

"Let's go. Your dad is waiting by the limousine to take you to church. I can't believe you'll soon become Mrs Jenkins" the older woman whose hair was rapidly showing signs of ageing cooed.

Hannah sighed. That was another thing she wasn't okay with. She didn't want to carry Austin's last name. She didn't want to be a Jenkins. She was, after all, marrying the man to please her parents, couldn't she at least keep her last name?

Bringing it up now will be the genesis of yet another argument and she didn't want that. She needed her thoughts intact while she made the worse decision of her life. How ironic.

Hannah Morales wished the 1995 limousine didn't reach the wedding venue as fast as it did. She wished the ride lasted a while. She was even ready to entertain her father's bickering if it meant she could have enjoyed her last seconds as a free woman.

But much to her dismay, she was listening to the instructions of the wedding planner her family has been interacting with for the past months on how processing into the hall will look like.

She listened, but nothing sank in.

And then she felt her father's hand on her shoulder.

"Let's go, honey. It's our turn"

The next minutes happened in a daze. Her hands were entangled in her father's, then they were walking down the red carpet leading to the alter, he was whispering in her ear words which would make her smile on any other day.

"I can't believe I'm giving you off to another man. Seems just yesterday when you were playing in the garden" the older man's voice was laced with emotions.

'Yeah, can't believe it either".

Hannah's mental remark was filled with disgust.

The doors opened and everyone looked in their direction.

Hannah swallowed a gulp. Her soon-to-be husband was exactly fifty steps away from her.

Hannah Morales forced a smile on her face. But it didn't last long. So she made a mental note to smile only when she made eye contact with someone.

And well, once she was standing at the altar with her soon-to-be husband.

Her hands disentangled from her father's and he gracefully kissed her on the cheeks then handed her over to Austin as though she were a parcel.

Hannah pushed that thought to the back of her mind and tried to focus on what awaited her.

When Austin took her hand, she felt cold and she froze on the spot. And then she remembered she had to smile.

The corners of her mouth raised and she gave him a sly smile.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here today to put in matrimony, two people who love each other" the bald priest with a beard spoke out.

Love? Hannah gave a mental chuckle at the priest's statement. She fancied Austin, that was the most she felt for him.

Seeing the smile plastered on Austin's face, Hannah Morales knew she could not marry this man. She knew she could not spend the rest of her life with this man.

It wouldn't be fair to either of them.

She should have apologised then and there to him, to their family and to everyone who'd come for her.

But she couldn't. She couldn't bring that pain to her parents. So when the priest began with the rites, Hannah dismissed those thoughts into the pit of her brain.

"Do you, Austin Jenkins, take Hannah Morales to be your lawfully wedded wife? To love and to cherish, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse until death do you part?"

Austin looked at Hannah with a smile that broke her heart.

"I do" he replied.

"Do you, Hannah Morales, take Austin Jenkins to be your lawfully wedded husband? To love and to cherish, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse until death do you part?"

Hannah looked at Austin. She could tell that he'd picked up on the fact that she didn't want to marry him. So he gave her a pleading look, begging her to ruin his reputation.

Hannah was silent. In her heart, she knew whatever decision she made, someone will get hurt.

So, she closed her eyes and said the words she knew will be the start of her nightmare.

"I do"

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** August 2000 **

Later that evening at the reception party, whilst their family ate, drank and danced, Hannah Morales sat at the far end of the table that was close to the musical set.

It was an escape she needed after the ceremony and interacting with the invitees. It was something she needed to stay away from Austin. They might be married now, but she still deserved her free time. Especially as she pictured herself later tonight being intimate with him. And every other night after that.

But her escape didn't last long because a voice sounded through the speakers, calling up the bride for the cutting of the cake and to have her first dance as a couple.

Hannah acted as though the announcement didn't concern her. She hoped to get another five minutes to herself. But the MC spotted her and soon, she was joining Austin at the buffet table which carried a three-tier wedding cake and some macaroons.

Hannah Morales met Austin behind the table with a forced smile on her face. Everyone had gathered round the table to witness them cut the cake.

The MC did the basics. Austin placed his hand over Hannah's and on the count of three, the knife was piercing through the cake and applause filled the room. Then, everyone cheered, encouraging Austin to feed me a slice of cake.

He sensed my uneasiness and tried feeding me with a fork. But the crowd booed. They wanted more. They wanted mouth-to-mouth sharing.

Hannah Morales didn't want that. She didn't want the crowd to see the look of disgust on her face once their mouths touched. But Hannah's gaze locked with her mother's and she knew there was no escaping it. So, she braced herself. Closed her eyes and after counting to ten, it was all over.

It wasn't long before her father was pulling her to the dance floor and then, he was handing her to Autin.

Ed Sheeran's Perfect came through the speakers. The newlyweds swayed to the sound. Austin pulled in and wrapped his arm around her. Hannah forced a smile on her face when her gaze landed on her mom who had teary eyes.

Then Austin was pulling away from her. He placed a quick kiss.

"Can you stop acting as though you're repulsed at the thought of being with me?" Austin Jenkins leaned in and whispered in her ears, then he pulled back and flashed her a smile. To any other person, it seemed like a romantic gesture.

Hannah frowned. "What do you mean?"

"It's just, I can't help but notice the look on your face whilst we were at the altar and your reaction throughout. I understand I am not your ideal choice for a life partner, but come on, I'm not the worst either. We're friends, Hannah"

The hurt in Austin's voice didn't go unnoticed. Remorse cursed through Hannah's body. He was right. All along, she thought she was doing a great job at hiding how she felt about their marriage. It never occurred to her that maybe he didn't want to marry her either.

"You're right. I'm sorry I made you feel that way" she apologised.

"It's okay. I understand where you're coming from. But, give this marriage a chance Hannah. Give us a chance. Give me a chance to make you happy"

As he spoke, all Hannah could do was smile at him. He had a point. Marrying him wasn't the most horrendous thing to have happened to her. And they were friends.

"I'm sorry, Austin. I'll try" Hannah convinced.

They continued to sway to the rhythm of the sound. Gradually, the dance floor became crowded. Next to them, were Hannah's parents and Austin's parents. They smiled at their kids. A smile which they reciprocated.

Then Austin spoke. "Whilst you were hiding..." Hannah Morales cut him off with a questioning stare.

"Don't pretend. I know you were hiding, but that aside. I spoke with your mom and she said something that had me thinking. She asked me to look after you and love you. She said you are like a white rose, so fragile and innocent it, does that mean that if you're not loved adequately, you wither and die?"

Somehow, Austin's question sent shivers down Hannah's spine. Not in a pleasing and pleasurable way, but also not in a terrifying way. She couldn't figure out what he meant by that question. Was he expecting a reply?

That paranoid side of Hannah Morales pondered on his words. Right up to when they were pulling away from each other, biding farewell to everyone and got into a silver Chevrolet classic that had the words 'just married' on the license plate to a destination unknown to her for their honeymoon, Hannah thought about it over and over again.

Part of her wanted to ask him what he meant because his words terrified her. He may have referred to her as a white rose; pure and innocent, but he also referred to her as weak; and that didn't settle right with her.

Of course, Austin Jenkins noticed the change in Hannah's behaviour, so the young girl smiled at him.

"Where are we going? My mom refused to give me a hint about our honeymoon destination"

It was Austin's turn to smile. "It's meant to be a smile, but when you give me that look.." he grumbled and Hannah cajoled him some more with her smile and baited her lashes.

"Ahhh...It's somewhere you love and have always wanted to visit" Austin breathed out.

The smile on Hannah's face slowly disappeared. "We're going to Boracay?"

Austin Jenkins nodded frantically and grinned. Mentally, Hannah grumbled but maintained a look of surprise on her face.

She never thought she'd be spending her first night as a married woman in her dream vacation spot with a man she didn't love. How on earth was it supposed to be memorable for her when she'd spend most of her time trying to act right around him?

"You're mom told me you've always wanted to go there, so I figured I'd surprise you with that for our honeymoon. I can't wait to experience all that with you" Austin took Hannah's hand in his and brought it to his lips.

Mentally, Hannah facepalmed. She told herself she would make an effort and give Austin a chance. So why the hell was she reacting as though she just heard her parents doing the dirty?

So, with another smile on her face, Hannah Morales said; "I can't wait either"

If only Hannah Morales knew, that saying yes and giving Austin Jenkins a chance will cause her the most traumatic experience of her life, she would have apologised whilst at the altar and bear the consequences.

Because just like he had said, she would soon become that flower that will wither and die.

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** August 2001 **

It has been exactly one year since Hannah Morales and Austin Jenkins tied the knot. She'd kept her promise to Austin and given him a chance, and the young man on his part proved his worth to her. He showed her love and treated her like a princess. At some point, Hannah's friends became envious of her because of how well Austin treated her.

When Hannah lost her dad, she fell into a deep pit. It was a hard pill to swallow as one minute they were celebrating Easter together, the next minute he was coughing and he dropped to the ground. He was rushed over to the hospital and that was when the doctors informed them that he'd kicked the bucket.

Hannah Morales could barely process the news. Her father was more healthy than a nineteen-year-old football athlete, so how on earth was he dead?

Hannah had to step in and be there for her mom who was having a hard time coping with the loss of her husband and her personal ATM.

If anything, Hannah needed her mom to deal with the pain more than she needed Austin, but he showed up for her more times than her mom did.

Her father left her mother with nothing except for the thousand dollars in his checking account and left everything to Hannah to manage. Someone, this loss of wealth was more heartbreaking to Hannah's mom than the loss of her husband. So, when Hannah decided to channel her hurt into the business her father left for her, her mother slipped and turned to alcohol.

Shortly after, Austin's parents died. Now, Hannah was dealing with her father's business, her alcoholic mother and her grieving husband.

Austin Jenkins couldn't digest the loss of his parents, especially when he was struggling his best to clear their names after rumours of their embezzlement spread throughout the town. Austin found himself losing everything he ever owned and just like Hannah's mom, turned to alcohol.

Their family which was once respected became the laughingstock of the town. Austin couldn't handle it.

He'd returned home drunk and more times, high on whatever shit he could lay his hands on. The fact that he was now dependent on Hannah bruised his ego, so he became aggressive.

Of course, it wasn't like that at first. It started with verbal. Austin would throw hurtful words and Hannah to try and bring her down. It worked at first, and then it didn't. Hannah became immune to his words. So he switched to psychical abuse. A slap at first, then she became his punching bag. At some point, beating her became some sort of drug he couldn't live without. And what brought him even greater joy, was treating her like his personal sex toy. Taking her anywhere, whenever he wanted.

Hannah didn't dare to leave him. At first, she was merely trying to be there for him. But then she opened up to her mom about Austin's abuse and just when she thought things couldn't get worse, her mom proved her wrong. She played on her emotions, manipulating her into staying with him. After all, Austin was the sweetest in the first months of their marriage. He made sure she was happy. Just like he promised on their wedding day.

Her eyes which were once emerald now looked dull. How did she end up here? How did something that started beautifully and gave her hope for a happily ever after end up here?

"Hannah! Where the fuck are you? Austin staggered into the room, hitting his shoulder on the door jam. "Shit!"

"I was..."

"Shut up!"

Fantastic. Nights like these were the worst. Austin would come home completely wasted and Hannah would take the brunt of her wrath. The only good thing was there were times he was too wasted to do anything sexual. Words and insults were bad, but they were far better than the psychical pain.

"Would you like me to run you a bath?"

"No, I don't want a fucking bath." Austin threw his small bag on the bed, hitting Hannah's chin. "I want you naked." He unzippered the bag revealing needles, a tourniquet, and vials of black tar heroin.

In a ritual Hannah Morales saw many times before, Austin took out the tourniquet and wrapped it around his upper arm. Hannah remained silent as she watched him fill the syringe with a precise dose. With the state Austin was in already, Hannah Morales could only hope that another shot would incapacitate him enough that she would get the night off.

"Did you hear me? Undress." With great care, Austin stuck the needle in a plump vein and closed his eyes.

"Austin maybe we could just relax tonight. It sounds like you had a rough day..."

"I don't need your goddam opinion. You do what I saw when I say" he yelled and stumbled on his feet, making his way to the bathroom

"You better be naked when I get out"

Every inch of Hannah's body still ached from the night before. If only she could find it within herself and beg her mother to convince her that she deserved more.

"Hannah!"

Hannah Morales heard a crash coming from the bathroom and braced herself. She had no idea what had happened today to make Austin so angry, so she had no idea how to fix it.

Hannah scoffed silently. Like she could fix anything. Her mere presence pisses him off.

Hannah knocked timidly on the bathroom door.

"Austin? Are you okay?"

The door swung open violently. "What the fuck is this!"

He threw a toothbrush at Hammah's face, narrowly missing her eye.

Hannah frowned in confusion. "It's my toothbrush." She did all she could to stay calm as she was confronted with Austin's unfounded wrath.

"Is something wrong with it?" She wracked her brain, trying to remember if she had left the toothbrush out, or failed to put it back in its "rightful spot."

"Bullshit! Your toothbrush is not this colour. Who the fuck has been here?"

Hannah shook her head. "No one. I swear. I bought new brushes for us both the other day. Remember?"

Another backhand caught Hannah off-guard.

"Don't fucking lie to me! Where is the bastard, you fucking whore!"

This time it was a punch that made contact with Hannah's jaw, causing the young girl to crumple to the floor in pain.

She curled her naked body up as Austin continued to wail at her. Each kick, each punch, was like being branded with a hot iron. She wanted to argue, wanted to beg Austin to stop, but she couldn't catch her breath and was pretty sure her jaw was broken.

Temporary relief only came when Austin turned his attention to destroying the room looking for the "bastard" Hannah was cheating on him with.

Hannah Morales did her best to protect her stomach with her arm she could still move. The other arm lay limp at her side. It was tough to determine what was hurting worse. Her ribs ached so much she could barely breathe. There was a pain in her stomach that made her wonder if Austin had caused internal bleeding with the multiple kicks to the area. Her left eye was swollen shut and the right had blood dripping into it.

'This is it. He is finally going to kill me' Hannah thought to herself.

Who is it, huh?" Austin grabbed Hannah by the hair, yanking her head back. "One of the vendors? Maybe an investor? Is that how you get things done? By spreading your legs?" he wrapped a hand around Hannah's throat and squeezed.

"What? Nothing to say? You always had something to say. You know, the only reason I let myself be with you is that I wanted to punish you for thinking you're better than me" Austin let out an evil laugh when a blood-stained tear rolled down Hannah's bruised cheek.

"Did you think I really wanted you? That I could love someone as pathetic as you? Fuck no. I wanted all the wealth and popularity that came with your name. You're worthless to me. You're filth. Trash"

Regardless of what Austin thought, Hannah wasn't crying because of the words he was spitting out at her. No, what was causing the tears was the inability to breathe. Austin's large hand squeezed against her throat, cutting off her air supply.

"Please," Hannah managed. She grabbed onto Austin's wrist but didn't have the strength to fight off the bigger man.

Austin raised his free hand, poised to strike again. "That's right, beg me, bitch. Beg me to..."

All of a sudden, Austin's grip loosened, and he stumbled backwards. His glassy eyes widened as he clutched at his chest. The exertion he had displayed by trashing the place already had her breathing hard, but this was different. This, to Hannah, was more like the inability to catch her breath.

Hannah scooted herself back as far and as fast as she could. Before she knew what was happening, Austin began retching. It seemed as endless as the beating did. When he started vomiting blood and convulsing, Hannah instinctively reached for the phone.

Adrenaline must have dulled the pain as she pulled herself up off the floor, and with her fingers poised to dial, Hannah met Austin's wild gaze.

"Help me," the older man wheezed in between heaves.

Every hit, every whip, every kick, every slap, every bite, every harsh word that Austin did to Hannah came back with a vengeance. It was like reliving it all over again. Not to mention, Hannah stood there bleeding and broken, contemplating helping the man who did it to her.

Why should she?

"Hannah."

For the first time in months, hearing her name come from Austin's mouth didn't sound like a demand, but a plea. Hannah held Austin's frightened gaze as she lowered the phone.

"No!" Austin gasped and doubled over, his hand beating weakly at his chest. "Please!"

Unable to stay standing, Hannah sank onto the bed. There was an abundance of things going through her head that she wanted to say to Austin. How saying please never helped her. How he deserved what he was going through right now. How ironic it was that Hannah was the one with unanswered pleas just moments before.

Yet, she said none of those things. She simply sat there and watched as Austin's eyes rolled back into his head.

Hannah exhaled softly as Austin's last breath left his body.

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