Not what you expected of me

Prologue

Nakia was a proud black woman. She is a successful woman in a male dominated field. She drives a brand-new car and has a big fancy house that she bought herself. No one else helped build her up and brought her to the place she is today. She's always looking flawless and always must be on point because she feels that she is her own brand and must look good to earn respect. Always had her hair and nails done. Nakia was always the picture of perfection. Hell, she even went as far as to never wear the same outfit more then twice. Everything had to be brand new for her.

Her clothes always had to be the newest trends and the best brands. She had to have the best of everything including men. She always had her hair straightened never letting her real hair be seen. She would even set an alarm to wake up two hours before her man just to make sure she looked perfect. He has never seen her looking a mess or truly being natural. No one has ever seen her looking natural. Would her man even want her if he knew what she looked like not being perfect.

Nakia's mother always told her that she was her own personal promoter, so she always needed to look her best. Her mama would never let herself or her child look a hot mess. She instilled that in Nakia from day one, and she dared go against her mama. Her mama had her best interest and only helped Nakia to look her best or so she thought. Now she wasn't so sure if what her mama taught her was right or the way she should live her life.

When Nakia turned thirty she had what some would call a mid-life crisis and decided to change everything. It's as if he finally woke up and decided to live her life for herself and to hell with pleasing everyone else all the time. Half the time they weren't pleased no matter how much you succeeded. Someone always has an issue with you no matter what you do. Nakia just needed to realize that you can't make everyone healthy.

She took a long look in the mirror and realized she just needed to feel real for a change. She took out her long weave and started to cut her real hair into a cute short style and dyed it red something she always wanted to do but her mother said wasn't proper. She took all her fancy designer clothes and put them in trash bags so she could donate them. She even donated those high heels that no matter how much she wore them they still killed your feet. She stopped being fake and Just decided to be Nakia.

She has been the woman her mother has pushed her into being, the temptress men desired her to be, the strong take charge businesswoman her boss demanded from her. Never once has she been the person she wanted to be. She questions if she honestly knows who that person even is. She has put on so many masks for so many people that she doesn't even know who she is anymore.

Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can get up dust yourself off and truly grow. Through all of this Nakia learns to be her best self. She learns to love herself and knows that others will follow. She starts to heal wounds she didn't even realize she had and strengthens her bond with her family and friends. You just have to be true to yourself then and only then can you ever truly be happy and live your best life.

They say there is two sides to every story and this book is no different. You will get to meet Nakia a beautiful plus-sized black woman that finally finds out just who she is, and through that becomes a strong woman that loves who she has become. You'll also meet her mother Nola and hear how she grew up. You'll get to hear why she thinks the way she does and see her change thanks to her amazing daughter and the courage she showed her. It's one hell of a journey of love, and forgiveness that bounds two strong women together and helps everyone to heal.

Chapter 1

Nakia's pov

I was excited because today I was turning thirty and my man was surprising me, or so he thought it was a surprise, but I knew all about this party. I spent the day at the spa getting my nails done, and my hair looking picture perfect. My man Trent kept calling my best friend Layla to see what I liked for my party, so I pretty much planned the whole thing without him realizing it. My mama Nola was with me at the salon telling me what nail polish to get, what make-up to wear to make my eyes pop, what way to have my hair, and what outfit would get Trent's attention.

Being so "perfect" was never easy. It took several hours to look this good. It felt like a full-time job just making my hair look the way it does, but beauty is pain, right? I was wearing the dress my mama picked out because she wasn't having it any other way. She said this dress made me look good and slimmed me down as well. She was always trying to get me to lose weight saying I was just to big, but I loved all my curves and they always got me a lot of attention. Of course, my mama would always say that was the wrong kind of attention. Only making a man want to bed me and not make me their wifey.

My mama felt in order to please a man you had to be a slim size four. So, my being a size twenty did not make her happy but that didn't bother me because I was happy with who I am. My mama would never be caught dead in just a simple t-shirt and jeans. I have never in my thirty years ever seen my mama not looking polished with her hair and make-up done and some fancy outfit on. It was as if she just rolled out of bed looking perfect. She always told me that's how you kept a man, yet my dad left her long ago.

I love my man and wanted him in my life, but I didn't need him. I made my own way instead of counting on a man for everything like my mama said I should. I went to college, got my education and diploma, found a career that I love, bought me a house, then found a man that I cared about. My mama said I should have skipped all of that and just found a man to support me. Her way of thinking was not how I wanted to live my life, but I didn't dare go against my mama. She was scary when she was angry and would always make me feel guilty. I just sucked it up and pretended to go along with everything.

Now here I was looking exactly the way my mother wanted me to look for this party. I didn't care though because tonight my man was going to finally put a ring on it. I found a ring box in his coat pocket so that's why I'm taking the extra time to look so good. We have been together for four years and living together for the last two years. It was time to take it to the next step, and I was happy that he finally gotten the hint.

I made the mistake of telling my mother about the ring box I had seen and now she's telling me what I have to do to make I keep this man happy and talking about how I am going to have to quit my job. There was way in hell I was doing that. I worked hard to get where I was at and Trent respected that. I couldn't be with a man that expected me to count on him for everything I needed. I was my own person or well I tried to be.

Once they were done at the salon and my mother said I looked as good as I could she dropped me off at my house so that Trent could come and pick me up for my surprise party. Finally, I had a chance to just sit down and be by myself. Once I had that ring on my finger there would no peace. My mama would be in full on wedding mode and would be on a whole other level with her craziness. After all it won't be about me on my wedding day it'll be all about her showing off for everyone. That's just how she was. I loved her, but I just didn't know if I could live the life, she wanted me to live.

I needed some music to calm me down before the party. It was my go-to thing that helped me deal with my mama and clear my head. I couldn't listen to the kind of music I liked around my mama or Trent because a lady doesn't shake her ass. She just cooks and cleans and obeys her man. To hell with all of that. Well they aren't around right now so Alexa, play All about that bass. I cranked it up and started to dance around my house and let all the stress melt away. Music was my therapy I listened to the song and let myself get lost in it so I could forget about everything else.

Nola's pov

Today was the day all my hard work was finally paying off. My daughter was finally going to bag her a rich man. He had a lot of money and could give her the kind of life I wanted for her. She was about to get that ring on her finger and have her man on lock down. Trent had my approval so that was saying a lot. He was polished and liked the very best of everything. He came from a very rich family so that didn't hurt either. It was a good thing I taught my daughter how to be the perfect woman. A man like him only comes around once in a lifetime. Now she just needs to do everything I taught her.

She should realize just how lucky she is to have me around to teach her all of this and not have to live the kind of life I did growing up. I was what most people called an ugly child. I had a nappy mop of hair my mother would never help me take care of and was way to skinny for my to tall frame. My mother would tell me every day how disappointed she was in me and wish that I was not her daughter. She would tell me how I was always going to be alone because I wasn't beautiful, and no man wanted something like me. It hurt me but I survived it and it made me who I am today.

The pain of hearing that every day is one of the reasons I push Nakia so hard. It's what makes me strive to be the best and have the best. I am proving my mother wrong every day. I must always look perfect, so I am never that little nappy girl ever again. If that made me cold, then so be it. That's just the way I must be in order to live the lifestyle we deserve. I will never let anyone break me the way my mother did.

I mean it must have worked because my daughter is beautiful and almost perfect. She is practically flawless. It took me a while to get her to realize that mama knows best. Once she did everything started to fall into place. Now I can't wait to plan her wedding. It was going to be a grand affair. One that everyone would be talking about for years to come. My daughter deserved only the best.

Chapter 2

Nakia's pov

I was so excited for this party. Everyone I knew was there. The place was beautiful, and the food was delicious, but I just wanted to get on with it. I wanted my ring and I was getting a little impatient. My mama looked over at m then stood up and said it was time for presents. I was so happy she did that guess she was getting impatient as well. I thought Trent would give me his gift first, but he just sat back and let everyone give me their gift. He just watched and told everyone their gift was nice never once acting like he had the only gift I truly wanted. I was really getting impatient now. What was going on?

When he finally did give me my present, I expected him to get down on one knee, but he didn't. I opened what I thought was a ring box and all it had in it was a charm necklace. What the hell was this? They started to bring out my cake and I tried to smile but by now all I wanted to do was just go home. I told Trent I wasn't feeling well and asked if we cold leave early and just go home. I know that will anger my mama, but I just didn't care. My mama always taught me to never show emotions. That you don't let your man see you upset well tough shit.

I am just tired of always holding everything in. Once we got home Trent asked me what was wrong. At first, I said nothing. I was just so emotional and knew I needed to try and calm down before I talked to him. Then I decided that I was done holding back. I told him that I was expecting an engagement ring tonight and he looked at me as if I was crazy. Which only pissed me off even more.

"You really think we are ready for marriage?" Trent asked with a smirk.

"Yes, you said I was perfect, and we love each other doesn't that mean we are ready for marriage?"

"Yes, your perfect and always have to be. That's the problem Nakia I don't even know the real you. I only get to see the made-up version of you. The fake one that you pretend to be for everyone. I don't need perfect what I need is for you to be real with me and I just don't think you can do that. You never take a chance and that gets old real fast."

"You're never going to marry me, are you?"

"That is not what I just said."

"NO, you said I am fake. You need to leave. Let's be real since you love that so much just go back to your place, I'm over this if you're not ready after four years together you never will be, and I am done wasting my time."

"I may not be ready now but all I'm asking is let me see you, the real you. Let's stop with all this non-sense. I didn't say we will never get married all I am saying is that we aren't ready right this minute."

"What you mean is your not ready stop making excuses. This isn't how tonight was supposed to go. I have done everything right. I had a plan."

"Life isn't all about plans or fitting perfectly into a neat little box Nakia and it's time you figured that out."

"No, my life needs to go according to plan. What do you need me to change to make you happy?"

"I am so sorry if I ever made you think something was wrong with you." Trent said witch such emotion in his voice.

"Trent just go please I think right now what I need is time alone to think about everything that has been said and done."

"Are you sure about this?"

"Yes, just go."

He walked out and slammed the front door. I knew he was mad that I made him leave. Good who needs a man any way. I sure as hell don't. The scary part was going to be telling my mama. She's going to handle this even worse than I had. It broke my heart hearing the man I gave four years of my life say he didn't know the real me. How could that be? I told him everything and we talked all the time.

I just needed tonight to myself to unwind. To wrap my head around all of this. Tomorrow I would call and explain everything to my mama, but I just couldn't tonight. I wasn't strong enough to deal with her just yet. I changed into some comfy sweats and a baggy t-shirt. If my mama saw me now, she would think I was having a breakdown and have me committed.

I took off my fake lashes and wiped off the ton of make-up I had on my face. I just wanted to be as natural as I could be right now. I needed to be real after what Trent said to me. I have hit a roadblock in my life and don't know where to go from here. I just need to find a way back from this.

I laid down on my bed and put on a Madea movie. It was time for a little Diary of a mad black woman. I was halfway through it when I heard a knock on my outside door. I wondered who it could be. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I thought about just ignoring it. I turned the TV down a little so that the person knocking wouldn't hear it. All my lights were out so hopefully they would just give up and leave.

Just when I thought they had left I now heard a knock on my bedroom window. It scared the shit out of me but that meant it could only be one of two people. It was either Trent or my mama neither of which I wanted to deal with again tonight. Whoever it was wasn't going to give up, so I just got out of bed and stormed to the door opening with a loud thud.

My mother jumped at the sudden noise then just walked around me and came right in. She looked me up and down and I could just see the judgement in her eyes. I was not in the mood for this right now. I am thirty years old not a baby anymore. She needed to realize that. I was done being her Barbie doll. I was not going to let her run me down tonight I have been through enough already. I had a bad night and all I wanted to do was watch chick flicks, pig out, and have myself an ugly cry. I just needed my mama to leave so I can do that.

Nola's pov

"Nakia what the hell are you wearing?"

"Well hello to you to mama. What are you doing here?"

"Oh, so now I have to have an invitation. I came to make sure your hair was still looking good for your man. Then I come here to see you looking like trash as if you have no sense at all. Where is Trent? Has he seen you like this? Hell, no wonder he held out on giving you a ring. You look like a hot mess. You need to get your shit together. No man wants a slob."

"Mama get out!"

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. Get out!"

"He left you, didn't he? It figures looking like that I would leave your ass as well."

"No, I told him to leave, and now I am telling you to go."

"You're a damn fool. Enjoy being alone because you will never find another man like Trent."

I walked out because I just couldn't be around her any longer. She has ruined everything. How could she do that to me. How could she do that to me. How could she ruin all my hard work? I raised her better than this. How dare she talk to me like that. She was lucky I didn't knock her upside her damn fool head. I was so heated right now. She gets this from her no-good daddy.

I went home and got me a glass of wine. I needed to fix this because I knew Nakia couldn't. That girl couldn't do a thin for herself. I mean tonight proved that when she ended up dressing herself as a slob. I am the one that picks out her clothes to make sure she's perfect. I have done her hair every day since she has had hair. I made it look long and shiny. Everything she has is because of me. Now she wants to be ungrateful.

Maybe I should call Trent and tell him she wasn't feeling well and was taking meds that's why she wasn't acting herself and being all crazy. I mean she will never find another man like him. I wasn't going to let her ruin this. She needed to do better so he will marry her. She must have done something wrong. It should never take four years for a man to decide if he wants to marry you or not. She needed to strengthen up or she was going to have nothing.