Not So Perfect

My stomach churns, bile rising before I can even think twice about what's happening. I rush to the bathroom, pushing my door open roughly. It's barely past seven so my stomach is still empty. Not that I even have an appetite when I'm feeling like this.

I try to recall what I had for dinner yesterday. The Miller's dinner party is all that comes to mind. It must be food poisoning or simply from the shrimp they served.

I feel nauseous, the hair sticking to my forehead due to my damp skin. I decide to take a shower, getting a change of clothes from my room. I turn on the water and remove my clothes.

The coolness of the water makes me feel better instantly. I step out after lathering vanilla scented body wash on.

My mind keeps thinking back to a few weeks ago. I find myself panicking, knowing it could be possible. The dates add up, and I know I've read somewhere that some people don't show for a while.

I swallow the lump in my throat, grabbing my keys and purse. My parents would question why I'm leaving so early, pretending as if they care about my wellbeing.

As predicted the two of them sit at the dining room table. The smell of food makes my stomach grumble, and not of hunger. I try to keep it down, taking slow breaths.

My dad notices me first, setting his coffee mug down. "Where are you heading to so early?"

I step closer to the table, avoiding my mothers stare. "Alice and I agreed to have breakfast together."

He nods, going back to reading on his cellphone. My mother clears her throat, a brow arched.

"Your sister is coming tonight, don't make any plans." The way her eyes dare me to argue makes me feel defeated.

She's well aware that my older sister and I have the rockiest relationship on earth. It began as soon as I was born, Holly absolutely hated me. I guess she was spoiled and used to being the center of attention.

Now we're older, and she's never tried to mend things. It doesn't help that my parents adore her, and look at me as if I'm not their own creation.

Finally escaping the house, I climb in my car. I remember why I'm going to the store and sigh. If it's positive, I'll have to tell my ex-boyfriend. After the two of us shared a night I always thought of as special, he ended things. My father owns part of a business in town, Thomas always dreaming of working there.

After the two of us graduated last year, he worked his hardest to convince my dad that he was qualified. I helped at my dads' office since I took a year off despite how upset it made my parents. I overheard Thomas telling one of the guys there.

His parents are equally wealthy, but his interest was doing business, not fashion, or editing magazines. Now I'll feel even worse if I am carrying his child. I still have options, but because I'm stubborn, I always go with what I think is best. My parents don't have a say in this, not when I've devoted my entire life to trying to make them proud.

I pull into the nearest drugstore and park my car, sitting there for a couple of minutes before finally getting the courage to go inside. The summer heat immediately hits me, making me wish I wore less clothing. The automatic doors open, cool air hitting me as I walk in.

I walk to the aisle that holds various different types of tests. It's overwhelming and I find myself getting three different brands.

And because I haven't had breakfast, I grab a bag of sour patch kids.

Placing the items on the counter, I smile at the older woman.

Her golden brown hair has hints of gray. "Hi honey, will that be all for you?" She asks after ringing them up.

I nod, swiping my card. The price of the three tests combined is insane. I take the bag, wishing her a good day. As soon as I start my car, the ac turns on. I sit for a couple of minutes, enjoying my candy.

I contemplate going to Thomas house and taking them with him there. I even consider calling my friend, knowing she'll be supportive. But for some reason, I want to do this alone.

I want to have time to prepare, and having anyone around might make me feel ashamed. I'm used to dealing with things on my own.

When I arrive, I'm relieved to see my parents' main car, not in the driveway. Stepping out with the bag in my hand, I nervously unlock the front door. I kick my shoes off at the front, closing the door behind me.

I make sure to grab a bottled water from the kitchen to calm my nerves. I lock the bathroom door, opening the three boxes and taking the digital one first.

I'll take one first, and try again later. I repeat to myself that I'll be okay. No matter the results, I can handle it. But even that doesn't help the fact that I could be carrying a baby.

I read the back of the box, doing as it says. Waiting the suggested time, I mindlessly scroll through my phone. Too distracted to even pay attention to anything. When the timer on my phone rings, I almost jump off the counter.

My nerves are doubled as I stare at the stick that's faced down.

Breathing in and out I bite my lip. "I can do this, " I mutter with a shaky voice and hands.

Counting down from five, I flip the stick over, practically holding my future in my hands.

I frown, seeing it still loading. My brows crease until a word pops up. I feel myself freeze, my heart hammering against my rib cage.

Pregnant.

After the shock had subsided, all I felt was determined. I was aware of my options, and that I didn't have to put myself through this. But the reality of this situation is that I want to. Even if my parents kick me out, which I'll leave either way. I have the money to raise a child. No one has to tell me that it'll be difficult, I know it will be.

A kid isn't a pet, they're around forever and my choices will affect their lives. The only bright side to my situation is that I'm fortunate to have money saved up. I can easily get a job, move into an apartment, and keep saving up. With that in mind, I feel ready to tell Thomas and then my parents.

After I took the first pregnancy test and my heart dropped, I took the second one two hours later. It was almost like I was hoping for it to be true. Yet part of me wanted it to be false. I spent the rest of the afternoon locked in my room. I researched and read through blog posts. Wanting to know as much as possible.

My sister came over for dinner, luckily she brought her boyfriend so she left me alone. I was excluded from every conversation which didn't bother me at all for once. I fell asleep right after, allowing the four of them to catch up.

This morning I was full of determination. Ready to just get the mess out of the way and deal with things slowly.

I text Thomas, asking if he's home. He responds right away, asking what I want. It's been three weeks, and I've seen him a handful of times. He doesn't try to talk to me anymore, but he never fails to give me a small smile. One that is his way of apologizing without words.

I tell him that we have to talk before changing into a pair of jean shorts and a gray tank top. The temperatures have gone insanely high, making me sweat at the mere thought of stepping foot outside.

I put my hair up before slipping on my shoes. Walking downstairs, I can hear the television on a news channel playing.

My father sits in his office, having a cup of coffee before he leaves for work. I'm surprised to see my sister here so early but she often drops by before work.

"I'm going out, " I call out, making it to the door before my mom calls my name.

Moms heels sound throughout the kitchen. "You're not gonna greet your sister?" She asks.

To avoid a dispute, I keep my comment to myself. "Morning Holly."

Holly has always been the star child. The one with the perfect grades, social skills, and looks. Her hair is the exact same shade as my mothers, minus the hint of gray. She's almost identical to her.

Holly smiles, her eyes showing anything but kindness. "Thomas doesn't come around anymore? Oh, wait, he was using you." She pouts in mock concern.

I clench my teeth together, willing myself to keep it in. "I'll be back later, " I mutter, walking away.

I calm myself before driving to the house I once spent all of my time at. The three-story home looks exactly like every house in the neighborhood. It's perfect cream paint color and white fencing being the only difference.

Taking a deep breath, I get the positive pregnancy test that I wrapped in a napkin. Putting it in my back pocket, I walk to the front door.

I wait while the doorbell rings, repeating in my head that it'll be fine. Thomas isn't a bad guy, he was very sweet until I overheard how he was using me. He promised that he truly loved me but his plan was that at the beginning.

Either way, I wouldn't allow anyone to use me and lie about it for over a year.

The door opens revealing Thomas, his lips turn up slightly.

"Hey." He replies after staring at me for a few seconds.

I wipe my sweaty palms discretely on my shorts. "Hey, can I come in?"

He nods, opening the door a bit wider. "Of course."

He leads me to the kitchen. "Want anything to drink? We have sweet tea." He adds.

It was my favorite when I came over. I nod, looking around the perfectly decorated kitchen.

Pouring us both a glass, he hands me one. "Should we go to my room?" He asks.

"Sure." I set the glass down after drinking half of it.

We walk up the stairs, the several pictures of them lined on the walls. Their mother loves to have their home represent them as a family. They love traveling and visiting new places as a family.

Something I've always been envious of. But the few times they invited me, I felt welcomed.

Entering his bedroom for the first time in weeks feels nostalgic.

His bed is made, the dark gray sheets neatly folded. His collection of CDs are organized neatly and I remember the number of times he'd allow me to choose what to listen to.

I smile at the memories, meeting his gaze.

"Are you okay?" He wonders, crossing his arms.

I take the stick from my back pocket, deciding to just go for it. Dragging it on just makes me even more nervous.

I can tell he's confused, brows creased as he takes it cautiously. I feel the breath knocked out of me when he catches on. The way his mouth gapes open and his eyes widen.

Thomas runs a hand through his hair, tugging at the ends. "Shit, Bea." He mutters.

I bite my lip anxious at what he'll say. "Congrats?" I try to joke, my voice shaky along with my hands.

He breathes out a laugh in shock. "We're having a baby?" He asks in disbelief.

I nod to the proof in his hands causing him to look at it again. "Are you okay?" I ask, noticing how pale he looks.

With a nod, he hands it back to me. "I'm in shock, what have you decided?" Thomas sits beside me, the bed dipping a little.

I smile softly, fidgeting with the soft bed sheets. "To keep it." I watch his reaction. "What do you think we should do?"

Leaning forward he sighs. "I'll support you in anything. Your parents are gonna kill us." He mumbles the last part making me laugh.

I nod because his parents will probably accept it a little easier than mine will.

Thomas and I look at each other for a few moments before he breathes out a laugh. "We're actually having a baby.."

Anytime that Thomas or Alice asked me if I'd told my parents, I would change the subject. I knew I needed to tell them soon. Pushing it off was just easier than dealing with the scene it will surely cause.

Unexpectedly they were waiting for me to come down this morning. The tone my mother used was like every other time she's been angry. She doesn't leave room for argument.

They both wait in the family room, the air thick with tension. I sit on the chair across from them. Waiting for them to tell me what I did wrong. Assuming that it had something to do with work or school.

Dad holds a white sheet of paper out for me to take. It's a list, one side having items and the other dates, prices, and even times. My eyes immediately roam to the red pen that has been used to circle one of my recent purchases.

I completely forgot about it. It never crossed my mind to use cash to prevent my parents from finding out. I've always thought things through but my minds been a disaster. It's been nearly impossible to even remember what I'm doing.

I lift my head up to face them. This is it, I can see it in my mothers' eyes and the way my fathers' jaw ticks.

My mother crosses her arms. "Tell me this is a mistake?" Her voice is low and intimidating although I've heard it a million times.

I toss the paper on the coffee table, with my head raised I say, "I was planning on telling you."

Now it's dads turn to hold my gaze. "Tell us what? That you ruined your entire life?"

My father has always been a calm person. He hides his anger easily, better than my mom does. Growing up, he never raised his voice or punished us. He wouldn't give us that look to warn us as my mother did. He simply isolated himself and talked to us when he was calm.

I definitely took after him meanwhile Holly after my mother.

I swallow the lump in my throat, my mouth feeling unusually dry. "I'm having the baby, " I say. "I'll figure things out afterward."

As expected my mother doesn't hesitate to try to control me."Raising a child isn't easy. I will make an appointment and you will terminate this pregnancy." Her words would normally affect me. I'd allow her to control my life and let her walk away with the final say.

This time it's different. We aren't discussing something that can simply be undone, not without me standing up for myself. Before she can leave the room, I raise my voice for her to hear me loud and clear. I watch her turn back to me, raising a brow. With my eyes trained on hers, I repeat myself.

"I'm not doing that mom, I'm keeping the baby."

My dad rubs his temples in frustration. "Bea, your mother is trying to help you." He sighs.

I shake my head instead, allowing myself to say what I've always wanted to say. "She's afraid of the humiliation from the public. You're so used to having a perfect daughter and family image, that you're desperate to keep it that way. Too bad I'm not like Holly!"

Her usual green eyes are a darker shade, hiding any light in them."You are nothing like Holly. We always wanted two perfect daughters to follow in our success. But here you are, ruining your life and disrespecting the two people who raised you."

I clench my teeth, feeling myself shake with anger.

"The day that I was born was the day that you three plotted to make my life a living hell. It's always been about Holly, I'm sick of it! I'm nothing like her and you should be proud, I'll never be as desperate for attention as she is!"

My mother's hand collides with my cheek, the sound of the slap echoing throughout the room. I hold the side of my face, feeling it throb as my vision becomes blurry with tears.

This is the second time that she has put her hands on me. And the second time that my own dad has watched with a blank stare. They both show no sympathy towards me.

Without another word, I rush upstairs. Once I'm calm enough I send Alice a message to let her know if went bad. She immediately responded and told me to drive to her apartment.

I pack some of my clothes and anything I can fit into the duffle bag and suitcase. Alice lives almost an hour away which will only help clear my mind. I'll also probably stop to get something to eat.

My stomach grumbles in hunger although the thought of food right now isn't helping. Looking around my room I make my bed and make sure I have what I need.

Taking one last glance before shutting the door and hauling the bags down the stairs. I can hear their low voices in the kitchen. It's difficult to sneak out quietly when I'm carrying two bags that ate my weight combined.

The chair scrapes when I've gotten my shoes on. I hear heavy footsteps behind me before my dad calls my name.

Dropping my hand from the doorknob I turn around. "Yes?"

He eyes the bags on the floor, raising a brow. "You're leaving?"

I nod, even if it's obvious enough. "I have to, " I say.

"If you do as your mother says, you can stay." They don't seem to understand that.

"I know." I grip the doorknob, getting my bags on the porch. "Bye, " I mumble, struggling to carry my things.

I don't look back, only hearing the door shut behind me. My main concern is fitting everything in my car. After some lifting and huffing, I manage to fit it all in my back seat.

The drive isn't bad since I stopped halfway for some food. Taking the time to let Thomas know where I'll be staying for the next three months or so.

Alice had a spare bedroom in her apartment that she had recently turned into the guest bedroom. As soon as I told her that I was pregnant, she completely made this room for me. It's true that she's been wanting us to be roommates since she moved away last year.

I've never been more grateful to have her in my life than I am right now.