My super sexy roommate

01

Keagan

I looked over at the boy sitting next to me, his eyes glossed over from the tears that were bound to come spilling out any second. He was covering his big green eyes with his messy brown hair, and shielding his quivering lip with his oversized sleeve-covered hand. I didn't feel anything though; he was just another person I slept with and mooched off of for a few months.

We were parked just outside the university dorms. I could already hear the buzz of returning students filtering through the open car window - laughter, thuds of suitcase wheels, voices calling to old friends. It felt like the summer had folded itself up in a neat, forgettable little envelope and tossed itself out the window. And Derek, poor Derek, was still trying to hold the edges of it together with trembling fingers.

"So, you're serious Keagan? We're done; just like that?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper but heavy with disbelief.

I nodded my head in response, a little shocked and annoyed that this was taking him so long to process. It wasn't complicated. We weren't complicated. That was the point.

"So what am I supposed to do?" he said, blinking fast like that might keep the tears from falling.

"I don't know." I groaned, turning my head toward the passenger side window. "Go to a bar tonight, tell some mildly attractive man that your ex-friends-with-benefits was a total douche and 'broke up' with you after your summer fling. I told you from the start how this was going to be, it's not my fault you had the idea you could change my mind."

He didn't respond right away, just let his head fall back against the seat. I could see the tears actually welling up in his eyes now, turning green into a murky glassy mess, but nothing I said was a lie. I never put a title on us, I never asked him to be my boyfriend, and I told him from the start once school started back up we were done. Honestly, I just needed him for a house to stay at during the summer months - his parents were always out of town, the air conditioning worked, and his fridge was always stocked.

It was transactional. Everything in my life usually is.

"I think you should go..." he whispered, voice strained. I complied gladly, relieved to be done with the drawn-out goodbye. He was kind enough to let me grab my bag from out of the back of his car before pulling out of his parking spot.

"I really hope you find someone who does something like this to you, Keagan. I really do."

I smiled slightly at that - a bitter, private sort of smirk - knowing there was no chance in hell that I would ever be that stupid. But I nodded again, if only to spare him the humiliation of my honesty.

"If it helps," I said, tossing my bag over my shoulder, "I know you'll find someone great. I'm just that stepping stone you had to get through in order to find it."

I knew I was right. He was a great guy. Generous. Kind. Great in bed. The kind of person who would hold your hair back if you were sick, memorize your coffee order without trying. Someone would love him one day. He had that kind of heart.

But to be honest, this wasn't the first time I've used that line.

He looked at me like I was a memory he wasn't ready to archive yet. "You will too, Keagan. You know you're not the monster you claim to be."

I rolled my eyes and sighed. I say one sweet thing and they're back craving more. That was the problem. People like Derek - they always wanted to find the tragedy in me. The soft spot. The part that might be saved. It's like they thought if they stayed long enough, dug deep enough, they'd find the golden boy under the cynicism and the one-night stands. Spoiler alert: there's nothing under here but bed sheets and expiration dates.

"I'll see you around, Derek. Have a nice life."

And with that, I turned away and headed into the university behind me, the automatic doors swallowing me up with a quiet swoosh.

Inside, the air smelled like fresh paint and overpriced books. Everything was too bright, too polished, like a new phone you're scared to drop. I maneuvered through the crowd, my duffel bag bumping against my side, and found my dorm easily - room 312, floor three, shared with someone I hadn't bothered to look up yet. I didn't care. People were temporary.

The room was predictably beige and bland, one bed already claimed, the other still untouched. I dropped my bag on the mattress and stood for a second, just taking in the silence. It was the kind of quiet that came after burning bridges - uncomfortable but familiar.

I pulled out my phone, opening my texts. A couple of unread messages from friends - if you could call them that - asking if I was back on campus. One from a guy I used to hook up with in the spring, probably looking to pick up where we left off. I ignored them all.

Instead, I found Derek's contact and stared at the name for a moment. No heart emoji, no nickname. Just "Derek." Clean. Forgettable. I considered deleting it but didn't. Maybe I liked the idea that his name would still be there for a while. Proof that someone cared more than I did.

I sat on the edge of the bed, the springs creaking beneath me. For a second - just a second - I let myself wonder what it would have been like if I hadn't told him we were done. If I had stayed one more night. If I had said yes when he asked me once, in the middle of August, "Do you think we could be something more when summer ends?"

But then I remembered who I was. What I was.

People like me don't do more. We do moments. We do survival. We do silence when someone starts to fall.

I got up and pulled the curtain shut, blocking out the late afternoon sun.

Maybe Derek would cry tonight. Maybe he'd drink too much and call me a few times before finally giving up. Maybe he'd meet someone who actually meant what they said.

And maybe, just maybe, he'd eventually understand that I was never trying to be cruel.

Just honest.

But honesty, for someone like me, always ends up looking like heartbreak in someone else's hands.

Derek and I had known each other most of our lives, so it wasn't that hard to get him to come pick me up and take me away from this hell hole for the summer. Albeit, I had a car and could have driven myself back home very easily and made this whole ordeal a lot easier on everyone, but who knows if he would have let me stay with him?

I couldn't very well stay with my parents, so I had to find a friend. And what easier way to get free housing than to play the 'I'm too poor to do anything' card. Which wasn't completely true, clearly, but I wasn't rolling in dough at the same time. I just had enough to get me by until I land a job after college.

So I guess it's all just a matter of priorities.

After what felt like an eternity of packing and procrastinating, I finally made my way to the campus dorms. The air was heavy with that familiar mix of stale pizza and old carpet that always seemed to linger in these places, like they had a permanent smell attached to them. Even after a semester away, it all felt too much the same.

As I walked into the dorm buildings, I saw my absolute favorite person sitting behind the advisory desk. She was about 5 foot 6, dark-skinned, a little thicker around the middle, and had enough sass to fill an entire stadium with.

"Joyce!" I shouted as I ran to the middle-aged woman, my heart lifting just a little at the sight of her. "How's big momma doing after her break?"

"Oh baby, let me tell you," she began with a heart-filled laugh that could have warmed the coldest of rooms. "My break was good. Me and big papa got our vacation on, went back home to Jamaica, and did all the illegal things I know you kids do in your rooms, baby. How are you?"

I smiled and took off my sunglasses, quickly hanging them from the front of my shirt, feeling the heat of the sun already starting to prickle my skin. "You know, I'm alright, I just missed your beautiful face. Now tell me some good news, did you manage to score me a room to myself this term?"

She pouted a little before grinning again. "You know big momma can't do that, darling, but she did manage to score you one with a boy she thinks you'll like."

I raised an eyebrow, a little unsure if I should be concerned or amused. "Did you really pick him out specifically for me? Or are you just saying that?"

"Keagan Bradley!" she gasped, using my full name with exaggerated offense. "I'm hurt you would even think that!"

I smirked slightly before leaning over the counter, planting a quick kiss on her cheek. "Fine, fine, just hand over the key and I'll let you know how it goes."

She handed me the key with a dramatic flourish, and I could see a twinkle in her eye. She'd probably set this up as a way to mess with me, but I wasn't going to let her know that I was intrigued. Maybe this would be a nice change of pace.

As I walked away, I couldn't help but wonder about this mysterious roommate. Joyce had never steered me wrong before, so I figured I'd at least give it a shot. But the thought of sharing a room with some random guy-especially after spending all of last semester holed up alone in my own space-made me cringe. Was this her idea of a joke? Was he some quiet, nerdy guy who kept to himself, or would I walk in and find some wild party animal who had no respect for personal space?

The elevator ride up to the fourth floor was painfully slow. I glanced at my reflection in the dingy mirrors, fixing my hair and wondering how I'd come across to this guy. Would he be annoyed to have me as a roommate? I wasn't exactly the quietest person, and I had a habit of turning everything into a mini production when I was in a good mood.

By the time I reached the door to the room, I had already decided to brace myself for the worst. I didn't knock immediately, instead letting the quiet settle around me, giving myself a moment to prepare. Maybe he wasn't even there yet, or maybe he was just unpacking.

Taking a deep breath, I knocked, and after a few seconds of silence, the door creaked open.

The guy standing in the doorway was nothing like I expected. Tall, with short-cropped brown hair, and wearing a tight t-shirt that showed off his broad shoulders. He looked like the kind of guy who had spent more time in the gym than in the library, but there was something in his eyes that suggested he wasn't the typical meathead. His gaze flickered over me before landing on the key I was holding, a slight smirk tugging at the corners of his lips.

"You must be Keagan," he said, his voice deep but friendly. "Joyce told me you were coming."

I nodded, feeling a bit awkward but trying not to show it. "Yeah, that's me. You must be...?"

"Ben," he said, stepping aside to let me in. "I guess we're roommates for the summer."

"Yeah, looks like it," I said, walking into the room. It was small but had a certain charm-one of those spaces that could easily be made comfortable with the right touches. The window was open, letting in the warm breeze, and there was a small desk near the far wall with a laptop on it. "Not exactly what I was expecting, but hey, it'll do."

"Yeah, the dorms aren't the best, but it's free," Ben said with a shrug, taking a seat on the edge of one of the beds. His relaxed attitude was a bit of a surprise, but it was kind of refreshing.

I glanced over at the bed he was sitting on and then at the other bed across the room. It was still made up neatly, the sheets looking freshly changed. I took a seat on the bed across from him, feeling the tension in my shoulders start to ease as I settled into the space.

"So, you're a college student too, right?" I asked, trying to make conversation.

"Yep, same as you," he replied, looking at me with a hint of curiosity. "What's your major?"

"Literature," I said, a little self-conscious. "How about you?"

"Psychology," he said, his tone lighter now that we had something to talk about. "I was going to go into business, but after taking a few psych classes, I realized it was way more interesting. Plus, I've always been curious about people's minds."

I laughed, feeling a little more at ease now. "Yeah, well, if you figure me out, let me know."

Ben grinned. "I'll be sure to take notes."

There was something about him that made the whole thing feel less awkward, though I couldn't quite place it. Maybe it was his easygoing nature or the way he didn't seem fazed by the whole roommate situation.

We talked a little more about school and plans for the summer, but the conversation was easy-no forced small talk. It was like we were both waiting for the other to make the first move, but neither of us was in a rush.

After a while, I realized that maybe, just maybe, this wasn't going to be so bad after all. Sure, the summer was going to be different from what I'd imagined, but maybe that wasn't such a terrible thing. And even if things didn't work out with Ben, at least I had Joyce's full backing. There was no way I could lose, right?

She gave me a toothy grin before handing over the key to my dorm. "Be careful with him, he's a little skittish," she warned. "Don't break this precious boy's heart."

I rolled my eyes for the umpteenth time before nodding in agreement. "I'll try my hardest not to let my charm go to his head." I shot her a quick wink and turned on my heels to go.

"I'm serious, baby! He could do you some good!" I waved my hand dismissively at that, barely hearing the things she mumbled behind my back as I made my way to my old dorm room.

My last roommate had graduated last year. Thank God. Not that he was bad or annoying, he just wasn't gay, so he was clearly no fun. But now... now was a whole new year with a whole new chance with someone I assumed was going to be a freshman. I myself was only a sophomore, but still. I'd been here way too long already with no clear end in sight.

The dorm was exactly how I left it, though, minus the few housekeeping details the janitors did over break. All I had was what was in the bag on my shoulder, the one picture on my end table, and the laptop stowed away in said end table. I didn't need much, clearly. Especially not in college, and I was hoping that the new kid didn't bring much either. The last thing this already cramped room needed was unnecessary stuff.

I sighed as I threw my bag into the corner and myself onto the bed. Today pretty much went exactly as planned, and school didn't really start for another two days. We had a two-day grace period to get situated and moved in before they piled on the workload. One day to move into your dorm, the next to go get your books and stuff together. I guess it was nice and made things flow a lot easier, but whatever.

As I was finally starting to relax, I heard the doorbell jingle a bit before opening. I sighed and sat up as quickly as my body would let me, holding back a groan as an army of people invaded my home.

I couldn't really tell who was in college and who was just coming to help with the one suitcase and backpack said college child had. I tried clearing my throat, but no one noticed I was there through all their 'loving' commotion.

At first, it was just one or two people filtering through the door, but soon, they kept coming. One after another, like a parade of eager faces with one clear mission-unload their precious freshman. The first wave seemed to be family: a mother, a father, a younger sister who looked like she was in middle school, and some older relatives who seemed to think this was more of a vacation than a moving day.

"Make sure he gets his stuff settled right away, honey!" I heard the mom say, her voice muffled from the other room. "You know how disorganized boys can be."

"No, you're right," the dad added, smiling at the kid-who was, I'm assuming, his son. "He's gonna be in good hands here, son. All these young kids are good to keep him grounded."

It was a good thing that no one had noticed me yet. I was trying to suppress my smile at the ridiculousness of the situation. Was this how all freshmen arrived at college? I was starting to wonder if I had missed the memo on some formal tradition where you had to bring your entire extended family along to help unpack your pillowcases. My mom had dropped me off last year, but we barely exchanged a hug before I was kicked out the door. Not that I was complaining.

I stood up, ready to introduce myself and maybe get this awkward situation over with, but just as I made a move to walk toward the front, the door opened again.

It was him.

The freshman. He walked in, carrying nothing but a black duffel bag slung over his shoulder. He wasn't even sweating, and I was already impressed. I'd seen other people lugging huge suitcases and boxes with their entire dorms stuffed inside. This kid... just a single duffel bag. Was he a minimalist, or just someone who hadn't realized that college life required a bit more than a couple of outfits and some toiletries?

"Hey, son!" The dad called out as soon as he spotted the kid, leaving me frozen in place by the door. "You good, buddy? Got everything?"

The freshman looked around, a little dazed, but then he locked eyes with me. He gave me a quick smile, and I couldn't help but think it was a little forced. He seemed nervous, but maybe that was just my projecting. It wasn't easy being the new guy.

"Yeah, I think I'm good. Thanks, Dad." The kid's voice was calm, maybe too calm, but I appreciated that he didn't seem like he was panicking about the move. He turned to me, nodding politely. "Hey, I'm Blake."

Blake. Of course, his name was Blake. It just sounded like a freshman name, you know? Something basic and smooth. But damn, this guy was already giving off a vibe that was way too chill for a first-year student. I barely got a word out without embarrassing myself when I was his age. But hey, maybe it was because of my approachability, my worldly wisdom, or maybe because I was a sophomore-either way, I could at least attempt to make this guy feel at ease.

"Nice to meet you, Blake. I'm-"

The mom broke in before I could finish my introduction, charging into the room with a roll of bubble wrap in hand. "Don't forget to unpack the microwave, honey! And make sure you put it on the right side of the desk, okay?" She turned to me. "I hope he's not bothering you! He's just shy, and this is his first time away from home." She giggled nervously and started organizing some of the items that had been left on the floor.

"I'm sure he's not bothering me," I said, trying to keep my voice casual. I could feel the weight of the awkwardness slowly growing, but I couldn't help but laugh on the inside. This was a lot more attention than I'd gotten in my entire freshman year. Were parents really like this with everyone?

Blake nodded, awkwardly standing by the door. "Yeah, I... I can get this. Thanks, Mom." The second the words left his mouth, his face went a little pale, like he realized he'd said the wrong thing.

"Alright, honey, we'll let you settle in, but remember to call us later!" The mom gave him one last hug that seemed to last a bit too long. She kissed him on the cheek, and I had to look away for a second. It was sweet, but it was the type of sweetness that made you feel like you were watching something private. When the mom finally released him, she turned to me with a warm smile. "I'm so glad he has a roommate like you! Thank you for looking after him."

I gave her my best smile and nodded. "It's no trouble at all. I'm sure we'll get along fine."

The dad clapped Blake on the shoulder. "You hear that, son? This guy's gonna take good care of you. Don't forget to-"

"We've heard that one already, Dad," Blake muttered, a slight blush creeping onto his cheeks as his dad gave him a teasing smile.

The whole family made their way toward the door, but the mom lingered for a second, scanning the room as if making sure everything was just right for her son. "Call us if you need anything, okay? We're just a phone call away."

I finally gave a nod. "I will, don't worry."

Blake's family disappeared out the door, leaving behind a trail of nostalgia and overzealous concern. It was a bit much, but I guess that's what you got when you had parents who were just happy to see you off. I turned to Blake, who now seemed to be settling in.

"So, this is it," I said, trying to break the silence. "Just you and me now."

Blake glanced around the room with a soft chuckle, setting his duffel bag on the floor. "I guess so."

And with that, the silence between us lingered.