My only wish

[i (January 2. 2005) " so what do you think is the best thing for me to do right now?" I asked dr.smith who was checking my vitals to make sure everything's ok.

" what I suggest is for you to go home and spend your days happy Emily. Find some friends to hang out with, be a teenager for once until your last day on earth." I sighed and looked down.

" I don't know if I can do that. No one at my high school likes me, they make fun of me and I am very anti social." He smiled at me and patted my head.

" well it's up to you. I know you like drawing, continue with that. Anything that makes you happy." I nodded my head and look at my dad who was sitting beside me with tears in his eyes.

" how long did you say doctor?" Dad asked and I took his hand in mine so I could give him some comfort.

" a year or two maybe less. So I suggest you let her have some fun, do whatever she wants to and don't baby her too much. It's sad that you'll loose your only child soon and at such young age as well. I just want you to be there for her, if anything happens before that you have my number. Remember I'll always be her doctor." Dad nodded his head and placed a kiss on the back of my hand.

" don't worry angel, we'll get through this together." I wish that was true. I wish I didn't have to leave my dad because he's the only family I have. My mom left him when I was twelve and we've been on our own ever since. now I am sixteen years old and doesn't have long to live.

" we'll make this work." He nodded his head and started crying, praying to god that he doesn't take his only child from him.

(Three weeks later January 22, 2005)

" are you sure you're ready for this baby? We could easily turn around and forget about all of this." I smiled at him and gave him a hug. " I'm sure dad, it's just school so I can handle it. I've been bullied a lot because of the way I'm dressed and because of how quiet I am. Don't worry about me too much ok? I love you." Dad sighed and I got out of the car then made my way inside the school's building. I made my way towards the office so I could announce that I'm back in school, none of them knew the reason why I was missing from school for almost three weeks and I would like to keep it like that. I knock on the door and open it after I was told to enter.

" oh Emily you're back. It's good to see you again." I smiled at Mrs. Abraham, a nice lady in her fifties who has been there for me a lot.

" thanks Mrs. Abraham." She smiled and hands me a piece of paper.

" that slip is to be presented to the teachers once you enter class. I'll inform all of your teachers that you're back so they don't give you a hard time. Your locker is the same as always, do you remember the code?" I told her the code and she said that's it so I left and made my way towards my locker with my head down.

" oh look everyone freak show is back." Someone shouted and I shook my head and ignored him.

" yeah I don't know why she's even here, should have killed herself and do us all a favor." I felt tears pricking my eyes at that, but I fought it back. If only they knew I don't really have long to live anyway. I was diagnosed with leukemia two years ago and right now its getting worse. Sometimes I find myself fainting because of it. I threw up everything I eat which is why I'm so skinny. I weigh next to nothing since I can't keep anything down. The good thing is I still have all of my hair, I know that it will fall off soon, but I'm just glad that i still have it. I went to my locker and took out my science book and everything else I need for the rest of my class. I made my way to class trying my best to avoid everyone but luck wasn't on my side as I was tripped by one of the most popular girl in school Sasha. I rolled my eyes and got up as her friends started laughing and pointing at me. I dust myself off and took up my books that were all scattered. When I got to my class, I gave the teacher my note from Mrs. Abraham and he told me to take a seat anywhere I wanted. I nodded my head and made my way to the back of the class where I felt more comfortable. I sat down and rest my books on the desk then gave my attention to the teacher. After class, i made my way towards the bathroom so I could take a break for myself. I was starting to feel dizzy which I hated a lot. I took out my medication from my back pack and swallowed two huge pills that would help me. After my head stopped pounding, I made my way back to my locker to get rid of my science books then took out my next books for English class. After this we have a break which I'm happy about because I always draw on my break time. When I got to English class, i made my way towards a desk by the window but was stopped by one of my biggest bully's who held his hand out in my way. " sorry hag, this seat is taken. Why don't you find one at the back where you belong?" Everyone started laughing but I ignored them and made my way to the back. Luca Collins, is the one person I feared the most since he has some connections with the school. His dad practically owns it so that allowed him to get away with certain things like bullying me. He is tall, at least 6'3 with dark brown hair and the most beautiful pair of eyes I have ever seen. They are a mixture of brown and orange, I can't really tell which is which since the colors were basically mixed in with each other. He also has a dimple on his chin which is every girl's dream except mine. I can't stand him. He says mean things to me and treats me worse than everyone else all because I'm not like the girls here in school. Being in the tenth grade sucks big time, but I'm not a coward so I won't run. I'm going to spend the last of my days the way I want and no one is going to change that.

(January 23. 2005)

I woke up in the middle of the night to my entire body hurting me. I could only scream as the pain got too much to bear. My father rushes in to try and help me but I could tell he was panicking. After I came home from school, I had a lot on my mind. I wish that something good would happen to me just once in my life, but my wishes never came true. I screamed loud as sweat started coating my body and closed my eyes as I pray for the pain to end. Dad brought my pain killers for me and he helped me take them so I could feel better. Yes they do work, but I don't really like taking them because they make me feel too drowsy.

" d-dad can you stay with me tonight?" I asked and he broke down and started crying.

" of course I will angel, you didn't have to ask." He got in bed beside me and pulls me close to him then stroke my hair and started singing to me until I fell asleep. It's time like this I really love, my father being there for me all the time.

" I love you angel, sleep my baby I'll be here when you wake up. Please don't leave me." He whispers in my ears and the world became quiet as I fell into a deep slumber. The next day I woke up so I could have some breakfast before heading off to school.

" hey angel how are you feeling?" I smiled weakly at dad as he flipped pancakes for breakfast.

" I'm feeling much better thanks dad." He nodded his head and started dishing out some eggs for me.

" are you sure you are really up to go to school today? I mean it's tuesday so there's nothing wrong with you missing a day." I smiled at him and started picking at my eggs as he places two pancakes on my plate and hands me the syrup.

" I'm not in pain anymore dad so I'd love to go to school. I have music class today and you know how much I hate it when I miss music class." He laughs at that.

" yeah I know, you're a really good singer too I guess you got that from me." I laugh and shook my head. " No dad you're wrong, you can't sing at all maybe I got it from mom." He had a look on his face after I mentioned mom and I wondered what he was thinking about. After we ate, we cleaned up the mess and then I grabbed my bag so dad could take me to school. He works from home as an insurance agent. It's a company he owns and he has been doing pretty good for himself. He has an office in the town, but he opted to work from home so he could be there for me. He hired people he could trust to help him out which he was grateful for. We live in a five bedroom house with a theatre room and games room and also a gym. We have at least five vehicles but dad loves his pickup truck the most. When I arrive at school I sighed as I looked at the school's building. Arizona high school, the place that tormented me for years and the only place I kept coming back to.

" ok em let's get this over with." I mumbled to myself as I made my way inside. I expected it though, not a day goes by where I don't get teased. Today I am wearing a jeans dress and under it a long sleeve stripe blouse. The dress came to my knees and to top it off I have on a jacket and my sneakers. Dad doesn't like it when I dress like this, but I feel comfortable in it. My hair was loose today, I just wanted it to be one of those days where I try something different.

" oh look who's here? Nerd alert!" Someone shouted and I didn't even look to see who it was. I kept my head down as I head towards my locker feeling slightly out of breath. I typed in the combination and open it, then take out my books for my first period which is English. I have music class last and I couldn't wait for it. During English class, someone threw a rolled up paper at me and I picked it up. What I read next had my heart beating fast.

' why did you show your face? You need to be executed for your ugly looks.' I shook my head and put the paper down then concentrated on my work. I was a straight a student since I have nothing else to do with my life. I study a lot to make my dad proud, I just wish that I could live long enough but that's not going to happen. After class, I took out my phone and I realized dr.smith was calling me so I returned the call.

" hey Emily I was calling to find out if everything is ok with you." I smiled and told him yes.

" look I have some news I wanted to talk to you about, will you be able to pay me a visit soon? I know you have school now so this can wait until the weekend." He said and I nodded my head even though he couldn't see me, just a bad habit I guess.

" yes sure I will do that dr. Is everything ok?" I asked confused as to why he wanted to see me.

" yes dear, everything's ok. Please stop by around nine in the morning on saturday with your dad ok?" I got off the phone with him. I decided to go to the bathroom to use it since I was cramping a bit and while I went inside Sasha and her idiot friends were there.

" oh look here comes chucky's bride." They started laughing and I shook my head, not really getting their jokes anymore. They walked out throwing insults at me which I ignored. After relieving myself, I washed my hands and my face just to freshen up a bit. I ran my hand through my hair and I realized at least a handful came out. I sighed and cried silently to myself. Just one time god, why can't I have one day to myself where I don't have to worry about my sickness? I want to be free of it, I don't want my hair to fall off which is unavoidable and I get that. I sighed and wiped my eyes then made my way towards my second class. It's now lunch time and I walked in the cafeteria to get my lunch so I could leave and eat under the tree I usually have my lunch. I don't eat in the cafeteria because of the crowd, I hated crowds so I did everything in my power to make sure to avoid everyone as best as I could. When I got my lunch, I made my way outside but got stopped by Luca and his friends.

" oooh look what we have here, what's this? This looks too good for you to eat, what do you think boys? Should I spice it up a bit for this b***h?" They laughed and gestured for him to go on. Next thing I knew he took up my crackers and opened the bag then started spitting in it, I looked at it with disgust and I felt like vomiting but I couldn't because each time I do, I always end up vomiting blood.

" there you go now eat it." He said and my eyes became wide as I looked at my now ruined lunch. I fought back tears when I realized I wouldn't get anything to eat and the only thing I could eat sometimes without throwing up were crackers so that's what I got for lunch. Now that it's ruined, I guess I will be going hungry for the rest of the day. I shrugged my shoulders and walked away from them, surprised that they didn't try to stop me. I threw the crackers in the rubbish bin then made my way out of the cafeteria. I have learned to ignore everyone and I wasn't going to start crying and acting like a baby now. I still went to the tree so I could sit down and think about my life and what will happen to my dad once I'm gone. It's my final class, music. Which I was waiting for. I smiled to myself as I found my seat and waited for the teacher to arrive. Mrs.lawson is actually a nice lady. She has jet black hair that's slightly turning grey due to her age and a nice smile on her face all the time.

" ok class, you know what today is. I hope everyone wrote the first verse of their songs as well as the chorus. You will each be taking turns to sing your song so i can know which one to pick for the school's play." I took out my book and looked at the words that meant a lot to me. I listened to the students singing their hearts out, some of them good and some of them not so good. I don't care about that though, I'm just enjoying myself too much right now. Mrs.lawson called my name next and the class quieted down as most of the students glares at me with hatred in their eyes. I ignored them as usual and started singing.Everyone was staring at me, some with tears in their eyes and I finally realized why. I was crying during my song. I couldn't stay here so I grabbed my stuff and ran out, sobbing and praying that my wish will come true.

(January 23, 2005)

I breathed a sigh of relief as I saw my dad's pickup truck coming to a stop in front of me. I called him and told him to come and pick me up because I wasn't feeling well which wasn't a lie entirely, I just couldn't be here right now. As we drove off I remained silent as I remembered what took place in school today. luca for example, what he did to me hurt me way more than everyone else and I'm not sure why. He has always been that way towards me, everyone hated me for which ever reasons I don't understand. I sighed and looked over at my dad who had a frown on his face.

" are you alright dad?" I asked and he glanced at me for a second then focused his attention back on the road.

" I'm fine angel, I just worry about you all the time." I nodded my head and lay my head against the cool window of the pickup truck.

" very soon you won't have to worry about me anymore." I heard his breath hitches when I said that. I knew I shouldn't be so harsh with him, but it's the truth so he had to find a way to deal with it.

" dr.smith called today, he wanted us to stop by his office on Saturday to talk to us about something important." I say after a while.

" I wonder what for." He replied and I shrugged my shoulders as I continued staring at the scenery that passed by, taking in everything as if it was the last time I'd get to see it. " Miranda made some soup, do you think you could drink some once we get home?" Miranda is our housekeeper. Dad hired her to take care of the household duties such as cleaning, cooking, laundry etc. " I don't think so dad, I'll pass." I whispered even though I was hungry. I didn't tell him what took place at lunch because I didn't want him to make a big deal out of it. " ok when you're up to it, you can try some. In the meantime I want you to relax when we get home ok? Get some sleep and forget about today." I agreed with him and contiued staring out the window. When we got home, I made my way towards my bedroom and put my bag down so I could go and take a much needed shower. I felt like throwing up so I made my way towards the toilet and started to dry heave. I didn't eat anything today so nothing else came up apart from blood. After a while, I stopped and flush the toilet then I started to brush my teeth so I could get rid of the foul taste in my mouth. I used some of the mouth wash as well which was a lot better then took a shower and got ready for bed so I could get that much needed rest. Thankfully the next day I woke up I was feeling ok. I wasn't in pain and I didn't feel the need to throw up. You might be wondering why I am punishing myself like this and not just try and seek treatment. I did try and get help, but nothing was working. When I was first diagnosed with leukemia, my dad took me to the hospital of Arizona in order for me to get treated. That's when I met dr.smith. He was nice to me back then and he is still nice. They did everything in their power to help me overcome my sickness but nothing was working. No amount of chemo, pills or anything else could cure my desease. So three weeks ago, I decided it was best for me to just stop the treatments and go on with my life until the end. I didn't want dad to spend all of his money on me, even though he had plenty. That would just be selfish of me because I know that in the end I will die so it wouldn't make any sense at this point. Dr.smith gave me some tablets that helps with my pain and dizziness which they did help and I was grateful for. There was nothing else he could do about me vomiting blood, so that's just something I had to deal with myself. It's Wednesday so I had to get up and get ready for school. I felt a bit tired, but that's about it. After I got dressed, I grabbed my phone and bag then made my way downstairs. My high school wasn't far from where I live, around fifteen minutes drive and thirty minutes if I decided to walk. I just felt the need to walk today so that's what I told dad and now he was mad at me.

" I don't think that's a wise choice angel. I'm driving you to school and that's final." I shook my head and look at him.

" no dad please? I just feel like walking today. I promise to call you if anything happens to me." I started pouting, a move I would use to get my way.

" angel I can't allow you to walk to school. You can take the Mazda cx-3. The white one that you like so much." I groaned and shake my head.

" no dad please? It's the first and last time I'll ask you." I gave him my best puppy dog eyes and thought that he was about to give up but it's like he just couldn't.

" I'm sorry angel, I'll drive you to school. I can't have you walking now with the condition you are in." I felt myself getting angry at what he said.

" but dr.smith said you shouldn't baby me and that's what you're doing dad." He pointed at the door and I walked out with him trailing behind me. I can't believe he's not letting me walk to school. I guess I'll just walk back home then. When I got to school, dad drove off after giving me a hug. The outside was filled with students which was making me nervous because of the large crowd. I held my head down and made my way inside. The usual remarks came and I just rolled my eyes and ignore them. As I made my way towards my locker, I was tripped by none other than Luca. I groaned out in pain as my knees collided with the tiles which had them laughing at me.

" hey guys back up and leave her alone." I looked up with tears in my eyes to see Oliver William, a student in a lot of my classes making his way over to us.

" and what are you planning on doing about it grub?" Luca asked and Oliver shook his head.

" shut up! just leave her alone." He helped me up and took up my bag then handed it to me. Oliver has always been nice to me. He isn't really tall just stands around 5'8 and has red curly hair and black eyes. He wears a glass that was too big for his face but apart from that he was really good looking. I blushed a bit when I realized he was staring at me and I raised my eyebrow at him.

" are you alright?" He asked and I nodded my head.

" yeah I'm fine thanks for that." He smiled at me and began to walk away.

" see you around Emily, I hope we can be friends. Well best friends from now on." I smiled at him and waved then made my way to class. At home, I told dad about Oliver and he said that there was nothing wrong with making a friend. The thing is, I didn't want anyone to miss me when I'm gone that's why I kept to myself all these years. Would it be selfish of me to have Oliver has my friend? or should I leave him alone or ignore him from now on?