Mixed Feelings

"You are right, I have to move on with my life. But I can't, I really can't... I tried so hard to move on but...He destroyed me beyond repair" I said, hiccuping like a kid. "I loved him...I loved him like there's tomorrow... You know what hurts?...betrayal, thoughtlessness, uncaring attitudes towards the one who you said that you love them and did all those promises to be with.. I gave him my life and I never take back a gift, for in this life honesty and integrity mean so much. The word I gave him..was my bond not because I feel chained..

but because I honor him and love him more than everything that I am.

when he acted like it was nothing that I gave, I am hurt in a way that cuts to the core of who I am." Tears were streaming down my eyes, I couldn't stop them as I know very well that this is going to happen...I know that this going to happen in the future. This is all my doing and for that this is the punishment. I deserve this.

My heartache had rung me out until I was dry inside, no more tears would come. My insides still felt as raw as if a winter wind was blowing right through my skin. The last conversation haunted me, taunted me, replaying like an echo. My appetite had dwindled to nothing. I wiped my tears with my hand and said,

"Two can play this game Enzo".

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Vanessa's POV.

Sitting in a restaurant, I was waiting for my bestie, Rory Blaze. I wanted to meet him and his daughter but since the busy schedule, Rory has, I couldn't.

We have been best friends for a few years, I met him at my mom's promotion party, We became friends instantly. I still remember what had happened when he was 18, though it was a terrible incident the outcome was his beautiful daughter. He impregnated a girl, and Her name was Charley Louis. She wasn't a good girl, though, She had cheated on him a number of times but he is a saint who always forgives her. He was a man who believes in second chances, but she doesn't deserve it.

He took full responsibility for the situation and promised to take care of the child, but she turned out as a complete bitch and tried to abort the baby without his knowledge, the reason she gave was, "I can't be a mom, I can't look after a child and leave my happiness and freedom.... I have so much to do," but Rory didn't let that happen.

He paid her with a good sum of money but she many times tried to abort the child. Rory was smart, he put a caretaker and maid around her, to make sure she doesn't do anything stupid.

After she had given birth to the child, he took care of that baby alone. He raised her as a single Father with nobody's help. Charley didn't even hold her baby once. She walked away with the money he gave.

So, Yeah, he has a daughter of 4 years old. She is an adorable little girl. He named her Ariel Blaze.

So, I called and asked him to meet me. He used his usual excuses to me, "I'm busy, Can't Meet you" God, I hate those words. I begged him to meet me.

I miss him and his daughter so much.

After pleading and begging him, he finally said okay and I decided the place and time.

You may feel I'm not a good friend and a selfish one to disturb him when he's very busy with a lot of work. but this is me. I love his company. I just want to spend time with him and his cute little daughter.

It has been so long since I didn't meet him, I know he was busy with so much on his plate but I get worried about him and his daughter. I went to his condo many times but the Babysitter used to tell me that he went to the office or had some important meetings. I used to wait for hours and eventually leave.

So, here I am, in a restaurant, sitting at my table, waiting for him. I told him to meet me at eight. It's 8:40 now, Still no sign of him. Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I dialled his number; I was about to call him then my eyes caught sight of him coming inside with his daughter in his arms. she saw me and jumped from his arms and ran towards me "V... "

"Hey munchkin, how are you doing?" I asked lifting her up.

"Me fine, you?" She said, smiling at me.

"I'm good," I said, kissing her cheek.

"I'm sorry for making you wait, V," he said, hugging me.

"It's okay," I smiled, kissing him on his cheek.

We ordered our meal, After some time the waiter brought us our meal. We started digging in.

"How's work going on?" I asked,

"It's going fine, dad's secretary Mr. Adam was helping and guiding me in many things. I'm just nervous about the new project I'm working on right now." He said,

"Don't stress about it Ro, I know you'll do good" I squeezed his hand.

"Thank you, Venn," he said, smiling at me.

"Sinng" Ariel pulled the hem of my top, pointing at the group who was singing on the stage.

When I visit his house, I used to sing songs and rhymes for Ariel, she also dances when I sing, it's so cute to watch her dance. I read somewhere that singing songs would help kids to speak early and make them active.

I looked up to see the band on stage, playing a slow song. I was watching the lead singer; she has a very good voice. I saw her somewhere I can't remember but I feel like I know her. Her gaze fell on me, and she smiled.

Rory saw my confused face, and asked, "Do you know her?".

"No...But I feel like I saw her somewhere, I can't remember where."

He turned to her, watching her.

"V, go sing," Ariel said pointing at the stage, I smiled at her. Bending over, I said.

"I'm not their band member, I can't go there and sing Ariel, it's rude."

"Please..." she requested with her big baby brown eyes.

"Ariel baby, she is not their band member. How can she go there and sing dear? She doesn't know them, I promise I'll make her sing a song after our dinner okay" Rory took her hand and kissed it.

"Daddy promise?" She grinned.

Nodding to her, "Daddy Promise" he grinned.

I smiled at them; Rory is the best father I have ever seen before. Anybody who sees their relationship will say that a thousand times because he's really a very good father.

He never made her cry. He gave her his time and love, Even when he was busy with lots of work he would run to her when she gets sad. I craved that kind of love, I missed it terribly.

After finishing the song, The lead singer waved at me signalled me to come onto the stage.

It confused me. Normally bands never call a stranger to the stage to sing when they are performing, I know it because I have gone to many concerts and I don't remember any of the singers calling someone over to the stage and allowing them to sing.

Maybe they do, but I never saw or heard about it.

"Everyone... Meet my friend Vanessa Foster. She is a very good singer too, let's hear her " she announced.

Friend? I don't even know her, why is she lying. Who is she? Do I know her? If I do then why can't I remember her?

Everyone was looking at me, and I was feeling nervous. I don't know her and she just announced my name, asking me to come over and sing.

I turned my head to look at Rory, he was encouraging me to go. Ariel was grinning and gesturing me to go, I stood up as I was trying hard not to show my nervousness on my face.

My legs were weak. It was hard for me to move them, and I feel like I was lifting a huge rock. I slowly began to walk to the stage. My hands were sweating and shaking. I climbed up on the stage as I took a deep breath and smiled at everyone hiding my nervousness.

With my shaking hands I took the mike from her, she smiled at me which confused me more. Why on Earth is she asking me to sing? How did she know that I sing? How did she know my name? So many questions were running in my mind, but I have no answers for them.

Like the lightning bolt I remembered her, she was there when I sang on an occasion. Where my mom was a host, her name was Olivia Carl.

My mom's boss treated me like his daughter, and he knows that I can sing, so he requested me to perform that day, So I did. Olivia was a guest there; she saw me singing and praised me.

I don't personally know her, only once I meet her and I never saw her after that. I didn't say anything to her. I turned around to face the people who were curious to hear me sing.

I glanced at munchkin and smiled. Her innocent face relaxed my nerves a bit.

I remembered the song which I recently liked, Looking at everyone maintaining eye contact with them, I was clearing my throat. I closed my eyes, took a deep and exhaled it slowly.

Desert Rose By Lolo.

[Rising High Note](mine)

I closed my eyes while doing the high note, I guess my nerves are popping out on my neck by now. Pressing more I sang without breaking.

[Music]

As I was singing the lyrics, I saw a gentleman at the last table, looking at me with those mesmerizing green eyes. They had an intensity in them that I started sweating, I wasn't breaking eye contact, he wasn't breaking it either.

Continuing the lyrics

That jawline, I just want to trace my finger on it. I for once want to feel his skin against mine. His Sharp and hard jawline was giving me a hard time, I blinked a few times to get out of it. I shifted my gaze to someone opposite to me.

[Chorus]

(Lyrics)

closing my eyes tightly I sang my high note).

[Verse 2]

I continued the French part of the lyrics,

Regarde nous

(My eyes met his again)

Les mêmes joues

Toi et moi, tous les deux les mêmes

[Like he understood what I'm saying, he was watching my every move, my hands, my face without blinking]

Plus de joie, en rentrant dans le bled

[Pre-Chorus]

(He was very handsome and hot too, he's wearing a black Armani suit, talking to someone sitting opposite him. The man reeked of dominance and authority)

[De.......] [Backing Vocalist]

[Bridge]

[My grip on mike increases with my voice and high notes]

Lyrics

[Outro]

(My knuckles turned into White, my eyes weren't leaving it, I could see him gripping his glass of water. His jaw clenched and a nerve popped out on his forehead and the nerves on his hands were visible from where I was standing)

(I closed my eyes)

I was completely concentrating on the lyrics I was singing.

(My Note)

End.

****

When I opened my eyes, everyone stood up and I was greeted by applause from the crowd, praising me for my skills and voice.

"Thank you," I said shyly, Olivia came to me and hugged me. "You sing so well, It's amazing to watch you sing like an angel dear."

"Thank you," I smiled, walking back to my table I see Rory clapping and smiling at me, I sat down on my chair.

"You know you have a beautiful voice, if you utilize it you can be a popular singer, make it your passion and career Vanessa," he said.

I just smiled at him.

"You sing well," Ariel said and kissed me on my right cheek,

"What's that song called?" He asked taking a spoon of his meal.

"It's Desert Rose "

"Is it a new song?"

"Yes, I think it was released recently."

"Love it," Ariel said, looking at me.

I smiled at her, "Oh...So, my munchkin liked the song hm... Then I have to sing it every time I come to your home!"I said, tapping my chin.

"Yes, yes," she said with excitement.

"Okay, I will sing this song for you, and you have to dance for me then, deal?"

Nodding and grinning "Deal," she replied and I grinned.

"Oh! I forget to ask how's Mr. blaze? I heard he's sick now."

"He's fine, it's just the flu."

"Your Mom?"

"She's Fine, Too,"

"Tell me about the business,"

He sighed, "stressful"

"You need to take some rest, and you're not a machine to work all day without taking rest Ro, you look awfully weaker than before."

"I will."

"You should or else I have to put a babysitter for you."

Ariel laughed at it, "Daddy gets it, haha!"

I laughed with her, "Yeah, so funny" he got irritated,

"Okay, no laughing" I put a finger on my lips,

Ariel also put a finger on her lips.

"Hm...(I suppressed my laughter.) what was your project about" I diverted the topic,

"It was about a product I've been working on lately."

"What product?"

"It's a shower gel..."

I could feel someone's gaze on me. It was so intense that I had to look back.

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Whatever Ro was telling me wasn't reaching me.

Those eyes, God just by looking at them I was mesmerized. He got this intimidating personality like a dark aura around him, Making everyone bow down to him.

Those beautiful eyes, sharp jaw, kissable pink lips and pointed nose everything about him was attractive and screaming for attention. The man sitting opposite to him was telling him something, but his full attention was on me.

We were staring at each other as everything around us had disappeared. He was looking at me like he was memorizing every single part of my face and it was very intimidating.

I heard someone calling me; I turned around to see Rory's worried face.

"What happened, what are you looking at?" Rory said,

"Nothing, you're saying?" I replied.

"Yeah. So I was thinking of investing in that company" he was talking about his company. His father was sick, and he took over the company blaze textiles, its leading in Los Angeles. His father has put people around Ro to help him with things with the company.

My mind was elsewhere, everything I could think of was him. I don't know why, but he took all my interest.

****

After our dinner, we bid goodbyes, and he took off in his car and I started walking towards my car. I saw a sleek black Lamborghini waiting. I saw that same man getting in "rich people," I mumbled and drove off from the restaurant.

While I'm riding, I felt like someone's following me. I checked out, but couldn't find anyone. So, I parked my car and went inside my house.

Yeah, I live alone, my mom died due to cancer 3 years back and my father died in a car accident when I was eight. I hate my cousins and relatives. So, I only have my grandma left, she lives in Florida far from Los Angeles.

I'm still a student studying at Los Angeles high school. I was a High scoring candidate in my school, because of this, I was receiving a very good scholarship from my school. I worked hard for it.

My mother and my father have put so much money on my name because of which I haven't had a problem till now, my grandmother also sends me money every month without delay.

I was setting up time in my alarm to wake up and get ready tomorrow morning for school.

I was about to lay down on my bed but heard someone furiously knocking on the door.

I stood up, slowly walked out of my room to open the main door.

I slowly opened it and saw a very handsome man wearing a black suit standing there with something in his hand.

He has something in his hands which I couldn't see as he's hiding it behind.

"Yes?" I asked, He looked at me and gave me the box which he was holding, it was decorated beautifully.

"It's for you ma'am," he said and turned around and began walking towards his car.

"Hey mister, wait"I shouted, but he just ignored me and drove off. I took the box inside and unwrapped it.

Inside that beautifully decorated box, there was a book. I lifted it in my hands and noticed that It was a novel. I love novels, I read them a lot, But I didn't understand who sent me this? There was no name on the box either.

I flipped the box and saw a piece of paper with a quote stick to it.

"And in her smile, I saw something more beautiful than the Stars"

L.F

It was written beautifully.

Who's this l.f I tried to remember, but I don't know anyone with that name. I shrugged and opened the book.

"One day by David Nicholls''

"Should I read it now?...No, I'll just read it tomorrow?" I thought. If I start it now, I will not sleep tonight.

I'll just read it tomorrow after school, it's best or else I'll never get up from my bed. I walked to my table and put that book on it. After that, I walked back to my bed and climbed up on it to sleep. I closed my eyes too but I couldn't, You know why? Yeah! That man ahh! god now that Greek god is disturbing my sleep too.

With great difficulty, I slept.

*******

Tik*tik*tik*tik*tik

My alarm started Ringing, "Ah god, fuck my life agh!!"

Groaning, I got up from my bed, went to the washroom, and did my morning duties. Then it's time to dress up. I took off my off-shoulder yellow crop top, wore it with my ripped jeans, Did my hair, and put on some lip gloss. Yeah, that's my makeup, only lip gloss. I don't know why I don't like to do any kind of makeup.

After getting ready, I walked downstairs to the kitchen, prepared my breakfast, and ate it. Taking my school bag with me I rushed to my car.

I reached school, parked my car, and walked into my school.

"Hey, Ven wait" I turned around and saw Beth appearing from the parking lot.

Beth John is my best friend from 6th class, she is an elegant girl behind those big glasses. blonde, tall, skinny. We both are complete opposites.

I'm short, maybe 5.3, jet black shoulder-length hair, big brown eyes. Our tastes are also different.

"Hey, slow down beth," I said,

She took a deep breath and smiled at me. We started walking towards my locker, talking to each other.

"Hey look, who's here V, Vanessa, The fat bitch"

Oh, fuck! That's Casse Armond, Queen bitch of our school, she's rich, her father and mother both are doctors, she is the heiress to most leading hospitals in Los Angeles. She is a disgusting pig not in looks but in behavior.

She's like 5.8 tall, long legs, slim body and with lots of, no, scratch that, with tons of make-up on her face.

Right now, she is dating our football captain of the school, Remond Gray, he is super hot with a boyish smile, he has 3 more friends. They are like a gang always together, all of them are super hot and every girl in my school drools over them.

"Did you have your breakfast, fatso?" Casey asked, rubbing my flat stomach. Her behavior always irritates me.

"Ha! look at her Casee, what a chubby little girl," Alessa said touching my cheek.

That's Alessa black,

She is bitch number two, both are big fat bitchs of the school, they bully everyone.

"Aww what happened to my shorty, cat got your mouth?" Casey said, touching my cheek.

I said nothing to them, I just ignored them and took my things from the locker, calming myself. Usually, I don't fight much, I learned to control myself and ignore people like them. Because people like me can't go against people like them. It's better to ignore them and live our life.

Beth and I started strolling towards our class. She has a history class and I have math. So we went our separate ways.

I opened my schedule to see what my last class was and Suddenly bumped into something hard. I was about to fall, but Two strong arms wrapped around my waist and held me still.

Curiously I looked up and gasped when I recognized who he was. It's Remond gray.

I quickly stood up and stepped back,

"Sorry" I mumbled.

He looked at me muttering something under his breath.

"Where are those fucking eyes? can't you see where you are walking idiot!"

I was fuming right now, I was already pissed because of his girlfriend back there, glaring at him I said,

"You should fucking see where you're going too, stupid!" With that, I turned and began walking towards my class but he grabbed my arm and shoved me to the wall,

"What did you just say?" he said, glaring at me. My back hit hard against the wall.

"Are you deaf? can't you hear?" I said in a shaky voice, glaring at him.

literally, he was just an inch far from my face, if I moved a little our lips would touch. He was that close, gritting his teeth he said,

"Don't you dare talk to me like that"

I stumped on his feet and ran towards my class. I turned my head back to see him groaning while catching his feet.

I took a deep breath and entered my class.

****

By God's grace and mercy, I didn't see him again. Thank God for this.

At lunch break me and Beth decided we would go to the cafeteria to eat something. we took the plate and sat down on a table

While we were having our lunch, I felt someone glaring at me. I turned back to Remond Gray's intense eyes glaring at me.

He was sitting with his friends in his usual place, his girlfriend was all over him, wanting his attention but he was busy glaring at me.

I sighed and turned around.

Later after lunch, I went back to class. Remond was also in the same class, we literally have 4 same classes.

Hah!, what a lovely life I'm living.

He was sitting across from my table. Jotting down something in his book.

Miss Mekenza started the class and I was seriously listening to the class, then a paper was thrown at me.

I looked at it and opened it to see,

"Meet me after school, today at the back of the school and... come alone" I looked up to see who threw it.

Remond was looking at me, indicating that it was him who threw it.

I was scared, what if he does something to me what will I do?

No, don't go, what if he does something stupid? but I can't ignore him. He would do something or anything to have his way. God, What should I do?

I took a deep breath,

You're brave and nothing will happen to you. Just go there and see what he wants, that's it, I assured myself.

After school, I went to the back of the school. He was waiting for me already. When did he come, how did he come so fast?

"You're late," he said, glaring at me.

I said nothing about it.

"What do you want?"

"direct to the point, I see" smirking he said, I want to slap that off

"Guys" he called,

I turned back and Casee threw ice cream on my face and all over my dress. I was shocked to react, they were laughing at me, high-fiving each other.

"Oh darling Vanessa, Are you crying?...(laughing) Look, guys, she's crying," Remond said, laughing like a maniac.

He grabbed my jaw firmly,

"Next time if you talk to me like that I'll rip your head off" He spat out while gritting his teeth.

He pushed me aside and went off with his friends.

I hate you, Remond.