Married by Contract - book 1

Hello, how are you? Before starting the reading, I need to inform you about the content you will find here. This book addresses sensitive topics such as grief, suicide, self-harm, depressive thoughts and actions, violence, and homophobia that may be emotional triggers. If you are sensitive to these subjects, unfortunately, I do not recommend this book. I just want you to be aware of what you are going to read, so we can avoid making you feel uncomfortable throughout the story. My least intention is that; your mental health is more important. Thank you in advance for reading my book.

You are amazing!

♡ EPIGRAPH ♡

Is it possible to find love in an unlikely place and love someone we think we hate?

♡♡♡♡♡

PROLOGUE ♡

Meg Miller ♡

FIVE YEARS AGO

" I want to watch a horror movie " I declare excitedly in the back seat of the car, fastening my seatbelt.

" No horror, I want to see a romance " my sister retorts without taking her eyes off her phone, sitting beside me. Today, Mom decided that we should do a family activity, as it has been a while since we did that. So here we are, heading to the cinema at eight o'clock at night when the show starts at nine, hence Dad is driving quickly so we won't miss the movie. A movie that we haven't decided on yet.

" No way am I watching romance; it's going to be horror " I complain, rolling my eyes and looking at the city, which now has few people on the street due to the heavy rain falling outside the car.

" And I'm not watching horror either " she replies, making me huff irritably, and I hear my parents laughing in the front seat; they're probably laughing at our argument.

" Stop being annoying, Mandy, those are just excuses because you're scared " I tease, turning my eyes from the window to her, and I laugh at the surprised look on her face. " Scaredy-cat " I sing, making her roll her eyes.

I know your fears, dear little sister.

" You're so silly, Meg, and I'm not afraid. I just want to say that we're not old enough to watch horror movies. You're fourteen, and I'm fifteen, remember? We can't watch a horror movie in the cinema " Mandyson argues, looking at me again and winking at me, thinking she won this argument. I look at her in shock with my mouth open in an "O" shape, but soon I have an idea, so I open a mischievous smile and propose:

" We may not be able to watch it in the cinema, but we can at home. " She looks at me suspiciously, and I widen my smile even more. " I bet you won't watch a horror movie with me when we get home " I add firmly, raising my eyebrows, making her look at me amazed, but she quickly changes her expression to determined.

" I'm in! " She exclaims, pretending to be excited, and with that, she gets a laugh out of me and my mom. Mom knows she's afraid of horror movies, especially those with ghosts or killer scarecrows.

" Really, Mandy? Are you up for watching a movie with me? " I question, studying her face because I don't believe her answer. Her green eyes, similar to Dad's, remain fixed on me as if trying to convince me with a gaze. Mandy tilts her small, upturned nose as if trying to show indifference, and her thin lips form a tight line. Her fair skin is illuminated by the streetlights as the car passes, leaving her skin slightly orange. I observe her face a bit more and notice the differences between us; my eyes are blue like Mom's, my nose is narrower, and my lips are fuller. There's also a difference in our hair" mine is blonde, while Mandy's is light brown. Only the rounded shape of our faces is similar. Mandy quickly averts her gaze from mine and huffs in frustration. " I knew it! " I affirm, squirming with laughter.

" Mandy dear, it's not shameful to be afraid of horror movies " Dad comforts her, looking at her through the car's rearview mirror. In response, she nods, embarrassed, and turns her attention back to me, looking at me with disdain, crossing her arms and exclaiming:

" You're so annoying!"

" Yes, I know. " Still laughing, I mess up her light brown bangs, and she lightly hits my hand but then laughs.

" Enough of this silly argument; I'll be the one to choose the movie, and it'll be a drama. " My mother, Amélia Miller, intervenes from the front seat. Mandy and I look at each other, grimace, and say in unison:

" No! " I make another face and add: " Anything but drama; there's already too much drama in my life " I whine, and I hear my parents laughing.

" Don't be dramatic, Meg. Just because Kevin Lancaster didn't want to go to the dance with you and chose to go with Diana Williams, it's not the end of the world. " My sister comments absentmindedly, looking at her phone. Only later does she realize what she said and looks at me horrified, while I look at her incredulously; after all, she revealed something she shouldn't have.

I've liked Kevin since the fifth grade, but only my sister knew about this little secret of mine. Now my parents know too.

Damn!

" Who is Kevin? " Mom asks curiously, turning in her seat to look at me, furrowing her brow as her blue eyes study me, seeking an answer.

" Do you have a boyfriend? " Dad asks, slightly annoyed, looking at me through the rearview mirror but quickly returning his gaze to the road.

" What's this, John Miller; of course not! He's just a boy from school " I quickly respond, trying to be convincing, and start to laugh, but I'm nervously laughing. I glance out the window when my mother continues to stare at me with narrowed eyes, not believing me. I see the moment a lightning bolt cuts through the dark sky, and soon after, I hear the thunder.

I think it wasn't a good idea to go out in this weather.

" It better be just a boy from school " Dad grumbles from the driver's seat.

" Just a boy from school. " Mom repeats my answer, as if reflecting. " If he's just a boy from school, why did you blush? " She asks in an intimidating manner.

Did I blush? Crap.

I touch my face, feeling it warm; I get embarrassed and then avert my gaze from the window to my restless hands and stay quiet. However, the interrogation doesn't stop.

" Is he your boyfriend, Meg? You know I don't want you getting a boyfriend now; I want you to prioritize your studies. Later, you can think about dating " my father says authoritatively without looking at me, making me roll my eyes.

" John is right; you have to prioritize your studies " Mom agrees with Dad.

This sucks because I can handle both things at the same time.

" This isn't fair! " I exclaim irritably, crossing my arms and looking at my father in the driver's seat.

" Dad, I agree with Meg. It's unfair that she can't date now, because I know she would be responsible and wouldn't neglect her studies. " Mandy joins the conversation, agreeing with me, and I nod positively, looking at her and then at my parents in the front seat; Mom was now looking attentively at us.

" Besides, if Mandy can, I can too " I comment as if it's no big deal, purposefully revealing my sister's little secret. " Sorry, it wasn't my intention to spill the beans " I add with a fake voice of surprise, looking at her pretending to be remorseful with my hand on my chest, and I notice that she turns red because her secret has been exposed.

Now she knows what it's like to have your secret revealed.

♡♡♡♡♡

Meg Miller ♡

" What do you mean, Miss Mandyson? I want to know everything now. " Mom demands to know; she turns around again and stares at both of us with a mix of surprise and confusion. "Mandyson, I want to know the whole story now." Dad joins Mom, seeking an explanation.

I think I messed up.

" You had to open your mouth, didn't you, Meg! " She exclaims angrily, raising her voice at me and ignoring our parents. I look at her incredulously, shaking my head negatively.

Or maybe not.

" Now I'm the one to blame? You're the one secretly dating, and I'm the one to blame? You're an idiot, that's what you are " I retort, irritated, looking at her. I notice that her eyes become even greener due to the anger she's feeling.

" You're the idiot! Just because the boy you like doesn't give a damn about you, dear sister, doesn't mean you have to ruin my relationship " she mocks.

" That's not true. I wasn't trying to ruin your relationship " I defend myself. " But maybe it's for the best this way; he would get tired of you pretty quickly. Or do you think I don't know about his reputation at school? He'll just use you and throw you away " I add, not caring about our parents' presence.

" That's a lie, Noah loves me. " Mandy raises her voice even more. " Look at this. " She shows me her phone, and several messages with love vows from him appear on the screen. I read his last message:

"Mandy, my beautiful. I'll wait as long as it takes to have you. When you're ready, I want to be your first. I've never wanted a girl as much as I want you. ♡"

I feel like vomiting reading this because I know it's all a lie. Noah is the worst guy in our school, famous for using girls and then bragging about it, thinking he's the big shot of the school.

What an idiot!

" Enough now; I don't want any more fights in here. " Mom scolds us, making us quiet down. " Mandy, give me that phone now, and then we'll talk about this " she reaches her hand toward my sister.

" But Mom, it's my privacy; I'm not giving it to you " she responds, placing the phone on her chest.

No way am I letting that happen; I want my sister to drop that guy before he hurts her.

" You will give it " I command, trying to take her phone, but she holds onto it tightly and doesn't let me take it. " Give it to me! " I exclaim, pulling her hand with the phone, but she unbuckles her seatbelt and tries to move away, pressing her body against the car door.

" Mandyson and Meg, I want both of your phones now " Dad orders authoritatively.

" Let go, Meg, I'm not giving you my phone!"

" You will give it to me!"

" Meg, I hate you! " She shouts furiously, making me stop trying to grab the phone and look at her in shock, just like our parents probably are. " You selfish piece of shit. As always, you want all our parents' attention. Always wanting to be the center of attention. You should be happy for me, but what do you do? Ruin my happiness, as always. You can't stand to see me happy, right? I do everything for you and for you, and is that how you repay me, little sister? " She rages, looking at me angrily. " What a wonderful sister I have " she mocks with an enraged tone.

Her words leave me surprised and speechless. I didn't know she thought that way about me, but I try to disguise the knot in my throat and swallow the tears, responding without humor:

" Believe me, sister, I'm doing it for your own good."

I'm not selfish; I just don't want to see my sister suffer.

" Stop this now, both of you, and give me the phones already. Just because of this, you'll be grounded, and we'll have a family meeting to discuss these matters " Mom warns, already irritated. However, neither I nor Mandy obey, and we continue arguing. I try again to grab her phone.

That idiot boy must be poisoning my sister's mind against me; he knows I don't like him one bit.

" Give me these damn phones now! " Dad exclaims, raising his voice in an angry tone. He reaches out to us, demanding the phones.

" No! I won't give it to you " my sister refuses, annoyed, not looking at him, and tries to take her phone back " which she manages to do " from my hand when I try to hand it to Dad.

" Give it back to me! " My sister orders, exclaiming angrily, pulling my arm, which holds the phone.

" Meg, stop this fight and give me that phone " Dad orders again, but Mandy manages to get her phone back, and then I try to grab it from her again. " Both of you, stop it! " Dad orders again. " We'll talk about this at home " he adds, extremely irritated.

" No, let's resolve this now " I insist, pulling my sister's arm, and she complains.

" Meg, obey your father " Mom commands, entering the conversation.

" I've already said no! " I shout, looking at Dad, and he, in response, turns around, stretching one of his arms and trying to grab the object that is the reason for our stupid fight.

Then all you hear in the car are screams, and we feel the collision because my father, trying to put an end to our stupid fight, lost control of the car, causing it to overturn on the wet road.

Two days later.

" I shouldn't have come " I whisper, watching them throw dirt on the coffin while tears keep streaming down my face. " This should never have happened " I add, dropping to my knees on the ground, repeatedly punching the grass with one hand, indifferent to the pain it might cause.

" Stop it, my dear; you'll end up hurting yourself. " Anne comes close to me and pulls me up with the hand that was pounding the ground; my other hand is wrapped in bandages from the injuries sustained in the accident.

An accident that I'll never forget.

" How am I going to live now? " I question, almost voiceless, as I look at the freshly made gravestone in front of me.

" It will be difficult, but you'll manage. After all, you're not alone. " She tries to console me, and I just nod, confirming, even though I know it's not true.

" Let's go. " Mom calls me without looking at me.

" Goodbye. " I whisper, running my finger over the name on the gravestone.

Soon, a memory invades my mind, making me remember the day I'll never forget.

"I slowly open my eyes and quickly close them because the brightness bothers me. As I open them again, I look around the all-white room to figure out where I am. From my side, I hear a machine beeping a few times; I also see a tube inserted into my skin and notice the bed with white sheets covering me.

I'm in the hospital.

How did I end up here?

I look to the side and find my mother sitting in a chair. She was staring at the floor, but she looks at me when I call her. She stands up and walks to my bed; once she's close enough, I see her red eyes indicating she was crying and a large bandage on her forehead, with deep dark circles.

" Mom, what happened? " I ask, still confused about everything that happened, but soon scenes of the accident appear in my mind.

" We had an accident " she murmurs softly, looking back at the floor.

" Is Dad okay? And Mandy? " I ask desperately to know. She looks me in the eyes and starts crying again; with that, I sit up in bed, as something serious must have happened.

" Your father is fine. He only broke his arm, but your sister... " She can't finish speaking, and her crying intensifies.

No...

This can't be happening!

" My sister what, Mom? " I encourage her to speak while my eyes fill with tears, and I shrink in bed, as something must have happened.

She isn't...

" Since Mandy was without a seatbelt, the impact on her was greater " she responds in a voice barely audible amidst her crying. " They rushed her to emergency surgery, and... she... didn't make it " Mom forces the words out to complete while running her hands through her hair in despair.

No... no... no...

" This isn't true; tell me this is a lie " I plead almost voiceless amidst tears and sobs. " THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING! TELL ME IT'S NOT TRUE! " I scream in desperation."

I push these thoughts away as soon as I get home, and my mother sits on the black sofa, crying again. I think about going to her and comforting her, but I don't know what to say or how to act. Soon, the front door opens, and my father enters staggering, holding a bottle of alcohol in his good hand, while the other is bandaged. Since I woke up in that hospital, I've only seen my father with a bottle of alcohol in his hand, and with that, he's spent more time drunk than sober.

" Look who's here " he says ironically, pointing the bottle at me. " If it isn't the murderer " he adds and lets out a bitter laugh.

" What do you mean, murderer? " I murmur, confused, looking at him.

" You killed your sister! " My father asserts coldly, making my eyes widen, not believing what I'm hearing.

" You killed your sister. " He repeats slowly, spewing hatred and anger in every syllable.

" H-how? " I stutter, incredulous at what he said.

What am I?...

" Do you want me to draw it for you? You caused that damn accident. Girl, you've always been like this, always causing trouble. We were never called to the school because of your sister, but because of you, we were almost every week for something you did or fighting with someone. Mandyson has always been obedient, unlike you, who have always been difficult to deal with. " My father throws all these words in my face. With each word, I feel his disappointment and anger.

I always knew I was never an easy girl to deal with and that my sister was always the perfect one. I always knew. So why does it hurt so much to hear my father throw all of this in my face?

I feel something running down my cheek, and then I realize I'm crying.

" I didn't kill my sister " I retort tormented, raising my voice, and sit on the cold floor, embracing my legs with one arm, crying copiously.

" You did, it's all your fault! " He shouts furiously, throwing the bottle on the floor, which shatters on impact, sending shards of glass flying everywhere and the dark liquid flowing across the white floor of the living room.

" Stop, please " I beg almost voiceless; my lungs feel like they've shrunk because I start breathing with great difficulty.

" I won't stop; because of you, Mandy is no longer here! " He declares coldly, coming towards me, making me shrink in fear. " You were to blame " he adds angrily, growling each word with hatred while pointing a finger at me. His cold, blue eyes look at me for seconds, and then he turns his back, leaving through the same door he came in.

Everything my father said revolves in my mind, not letting me forget, leaving me completely confused and bewildered. Although it was an accident, if I hadn't started that stupid argument, none of that would have happened.

" Am I to blame? " I ask quietly to myself, looking at the ground with blurred vision. " Did I kill Mandy, Mom? " I question with a choked voice, shifting my gaze from the floor to my mother.

" You should never have started that damn fight " she only responds dryly, looking at me with her red eyes, and it's hard not to notice the anger in them. Mom turns her back, heading towards the stairs without looking back; she climbs the steps, leaving me alone in the vast room with my thoughts that are increasingly tormenting me and surrounding me. Although I'm in a spacious and airy place, I feel suffocated and have difficulty breathing. Alone and only with my thoughts as company, hearing my own sobs with blurred eyes. My mind asks questions to which I don't know the answer.

Am I really guilty?

Did I kill my sister?

Did I cause that damn accident?

♡♡♡♡♡

Chapter One ♡

Meg Miller ♡

PRESENT DAYS

I hear my alarm clock ringing, signaling it's time to get up and head to college, but I've been awake for hours, staring at the white ceiling of my room. Once again, insomnia kept me company as I watched the night turn into day through the open window. I've been contemplating my life, reflecting on everything I went through to reach where I am today, and most importantly, pondering the accident that took my sister's life.

Living without Mandy for five years hasn't been easy.

Despite the time that has passed, I often wake up in the middle of the night screaming, haunted by nightmares of the accident or dreams featuring my sister. In these dreams, she always repeats the same phrase she uttered moments before the accident.

"I hate you, Meg."

That little sentence lingers in my mind daily, the pain of knowing my sister died hating me. How I wish I hadn't initiated that foolish argument.

How I wish my sister were still here with me. How I wish I had died instead of her.

How I wish...

I feel something sliding down my cheek and soon realize I'm silently crying. I wipe my tears with the sleeve of my pajamas and force myself out of bed to avoid dwelling on these thoughts. However, they never leave me because I feel responsible for what happened. Constantly labeled a murderer by my father, I've started to believe it. Reluctantly, I get up, drag myself to the bathroom for a shower, and prepare for college.

Life goes on, right...

I repeat this phrase in my mind thousands of times to remind myself to keep going. Not for me, but for Mandy. I know it would be her wish, even if she hated me. In the bathroom, I undress, step into the shower, and close my eyes as the water flows over me, bringing a sense of peace.

Today won't be an easy day, and I'd prefer to spend it at home because it marks the fifth anniversary of my sister's death. Five years ago on this day, we were laughing together all day, and at night, the damn accident happened. A sob escapes my mouth, and by now, my tears are mixed with the shower water. My legs give out; I can't stand anymore. I slide down the cold, wet wall of the shower until I'm sitting on the floor, with the water falling over me.

I can't take it anymore; this pain only grows instead of fading. Maybe time can't heal everything after all. I feel lost, alone, and without reasons to get out of bed every day.

My parents blame me for what happened, and they despise me. Especially my father, who changed so much after the accident. Dad is hardly ever home; I know he's busy being the owner of one of the largest hotel chains in Manhattan, spanning all of New York. This business is a family legacy, passed from my grandfather to my father when he came of age, and my father was planning to pass it on to Mandy. However, with what happened, that responsibility falls on me, whether I want it or not. Mom, once a famous model, now manages the hotel chain with Dad and, in her free time, engages in charitable activities in orphanages or with needy families. That's how she's trying to fill her void, but she's completely forgotten that she has a living daughter.

I've gotten used to it, though. Since the accident, my parents have never been the same with me. We already had a complicated relationship before because I wasn't obedient-I always liked things my way and stood my ground when they disagreed-but now it's worse. They can barely look at me and only speak to me when necessary. They treat me like a stranger, not their daughter.

I feel guilty; I know that if I hadn't started that stupid argument, she would still be here with me. The pain of missing my sister is enormous, as if something has been ripped out of me, leaving an unfillable void. Like my parents, I've never overcome it, and I don't know if I ever can. It hurts too much, and I try to numb the overwhelming pain and the disdain my parents feel for me by taking it out on myself. However, my self-destructive tendencies aren't easing my pain. I know it's not healthy, but I no longer feel anything; it's like I'm slowly dying inside. I feel like I'm wandering lifelessly.

I always hide this side of me because if my parents or anyone sees it, they'll think I'm doing it for attention. That's why it's my secret; no one would understand, and they'd probably mock my scars. I don't want to appear weak, fragile, and I don't want anyone to pity me. I want to seem strong, cold, unaffected by anything, even though I'm dying inside.

I notice that my fingers are getting wrinkled from the time I'm underwater, but I don't care, I look at my wrists and see scars and more scars I've made, never trying to soften my strength, but to no avail. My tears keep coming out non-stop and the sound of my sobs echo in the bathroom. With my eyes closed, I lift my face letting the water fall on it, I stay like that for a few minutes until my lungs complain about needing air, but I still have my face under the water. When I'm almost losing consciousness from lack of oxygen to my brain, I quickly move my face away from the water and inhale quickly for air. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to end it all, just to stop feeling, but I can't. I have to live for Mandyson, I owe it to her.No more crying Meg, you gotta get up and live. I remind myself, because I know that crying won't bring my sister back. So I get up closing the shower soon after, wrap a towel around my thin, pale body, and go to my room walking directly to my closet where I grab a pair of black jeans and a shirt of the same color, and put them on right after. I do some basic makeup to disguise my dark circles, because it's been a long time since I've known what it's like to sleep well, and I comb my long blonde hair and let it dry naturally. Already on my feet I put on a pair of white sneakers, and I also put on some bracelets to hide the scars on my wrists, and finally, I take my backpack and then go down to the kitchen where I find Anne setting the table. Anne is the cook, and has worked in this house since I was little. She is like a second mother to me, and I don't know what would be of me without her, because she was the one who helped me the most during these years and I love her so much. She's not just an employee, she's already part of the family. I look at Anne, if you look at her, you don't say she's over forty. Her fair skin contrasts with her gray hair, her eyes sparkle as she smiles at me, making her wrinkles appear closer to her eyes.

I sit at the table and serve myself some juice and grab a toast, spreading a little strawberry jam on it, and then I take a bite:

" Mmm! I love toast! " I exclaim and take a bite, forcing myself to eat even though I'm not hungry. I close my eyes as I chew slowly, enjoying the jam. " Anne, I love it when you make this jam, it's delicious " I comment after swallowing, opening my eyes again and looking at her, who is staring at me attentively.

" Girl, eat quickly, or you'll be late " Anne urges me from my side.

Even though she is over 50 years old, Anne looks younger. Her hair is more gray than brown, her skin shows signs of aging with small wrinkles, but she doesn't mind, Anne is always radiant and spreading sweet smiles around her. Her brown eyes behind her glasses observe me with attention and sweetness. This makes me smile at her. Anne is like the light at the end of the tunnel, the light I needed, need, and will always need. I will always need Anne in my life, she is very important to me.

" Calm down, Anne, college can wait " I reassure her, giving her a thumbs up. Anne shakes her head negatively while laughing a little.

" By the way, how are you feeling today? " She asks calmly, sitting next to me. She asks me this question daily.

I stop eating, not knowing what to answer, after all, I don't even know how I'm feeling, so I just shake my head negatively and she understands, because she knows that means I don't have an answer to her question. So she just nods and kisses my forehead, then gets up and walks towards the kitchen exit, but then stops and turns to me.

" Oh! I almost forgot " Anne looks at me apprehensively. " Your father called early and said he'll be back today, and your mother will stay there for a while to resolve some matters related to a charity event she's organizing " she adds, and I make a face in response.

Why don't they just stay there? When we're here, all we do is fight.

" My peace is over in this house " I grumble, rolling my eyes.

" Don't say that, they are your parents " she scolds me and gives me a sad look. I furrow my brow, looking at her, and then I sarcastically reply:

" Are they? Doesn't seem like it. You should remind them of that detail when they're here " I respond humorlessly and take another toast with jam to eat.

She nods and leaves with a downcast expression. As Anne has been working here for years, she knows that my parents and I despise each other, and she is already accustomed to the constant fights in this house, but I can tell that she still hopes that we will become a "real family" and start loving each other one day. Not that I don't love my parents, despite everything I love them more than anything in this life, even though this feeling is not reciprocated. I owe my life to them and I can do anything for them, I just can't stand being despised by them and stay quiet listening to it.

Damn, I shouldn't have spoken to Anne like that. When I get there, I'll talk to her and apologize.

I finish eating and go to my room, enter the bathroom, where I brush my teeth, and then quickly go down the stairs, holding onto the railing to avoid tripping and falling. I don't even know why I'm going to college if I don't even like Business Administration.

My father practically forced me to take this course because I will soon inherit the company. So I need to know how to manage a large hotel chain, but that's not what I want, my dream is to study music and work with it in a studio or doing something related to that field. I leave the house and walk to the garage, where I find my car, a newer model Jeep, parked, and I get in, throwing my backpack on the back seat. I start the car, listening to the sound of the engine, and then start driving to my destination.

♡♡♡♡♡