Marie Tarnowska

Ed or, che Dio mi tolga la memoria.

Contessa Lara.

The verdant landscape of Tuscany swung past the train that carried me southward. The looped vineyards-like slim, green dancers holding hands-fled backwards as we passed, and the rays of the March sun pursued us, beating hotly through the open windows on the dusty red velvet cushions of the carriage.

Soon the train was throbbing and panting out of Pisa, and the barefooted children of the Roman Campagna stood to gaze after us, with eyes soft and wild under their sullen hair.

Since leaving the station of Genoa I had seen nothing of the fleeting springtide landscape; my gaze and thoughts were riveted on the pages of a copy-book which lay open on my knee-a simple school copy-book with innocent blue-lined sheets originally intended to contain the carefully labored scrawls of some childish hand. A blue ornamental flourish decked the front; and under the printed title, "Program of Lessons," the words "History," "Geography," "Arithmetic," were followed by a series of blank spaces for the hours to be filled in. Alas, for the tragic pupil to whom this book belonged, in what school of horror had she learned the lesson traced on these pages by her slim, white hand-the fair patrician hand which had known the weight of many jewels, the thrill of many caresses, and was now held fast in the merciless grip of captivity.

I turned the page: before me lay a flow of pale penciled words in a sloping handwriting. At every turn the flourish of some strange seignorial name met my eye: long Russian names of prince, of lover or of murderer. On every page was the convulsion of death or the paroxysm of passion; wine and morphia, chloral and cocaine surged across the pallid sheets, like the wash of a nightmare sea.

From the midst of those turbid billows-like some ineffable modern Aphrodite-rose the pale figure of Marie Nicolaevna Tarnowska.

The first words-traced by her trembling hand in the prison at Venice-are almost childish in their simplicity.

"When I was eight years old, I fell ill with measles and almost lost my eyesight. I wore blue spectacles. I was very happy. My mother loved me very much; so did my father. So did the servants. Everybody loved me very much."

I pause in my reading, loth to proceed. I wish I could stop here with the little girl whom every one loved and who gazed out through her blue spectacles at a rose-colored world.

Ah! Marie Nicolaevna, had your luminous eyes remained for all time hidden behind those dim blue glasses, no one to-day would raise his voice in execration of you, nor call anathema upon your fair bowed head.

But when the little Russian countess was twelve years old an oculist from Kieff ordered that her eyes should be uncovered, and "Mura," as her parents fondly called her, looked out upon the world with those clear light eyes that were one day to penetrate the darkest depths of crime.

I continue to read without stopping. The serried pages, scrawled feverishly and hurriedly in the cells of La Giudecca in defiance of prison rules, are in thin handwriting, with names and dates harshly underlined; but here and there whole sentences are struck out, as if the writer's memory wavered, or her feelings altered as she wrote.

Immediately, on the very first page, the bold figure of young Vassili Tarnowsky confronts us: the radiant, temerarious lover, who came to woo her in her marveling adolescence.

"His voice thrilled the heart like the tones of a violoncello; in his eyes were the lights of heaven, in his smile all the promises of love. I was already seventeen years old, and wise beyond my years. But, sagacious as I thought myself, I could never believe anything that was told me against Vassili. My eyes saw nothing but his beauty. On the twelfth day of April I ran away from home with him; and we were married in a little church far away on the desolate steppes. I never thought that life could hold such joy."

A PAGE FROM MARIE TARNOWSKA'S NOTE-BOOK

But on the very next page we come face to face with the astounding list of Vassili's perfidies: a musical enumeration of feminine names which rings the knell of his child-wife's happiness. "I never thought," writes Marie Tarnowska simply, "that life could hold such sorrow."

Further on there are gaps and incoherences; here and there a passing efflorescence of literary phrase, or a sudden lapse into curt narrative, as if a wave of apathy had suddenly submerged the tragic heroine and left in her place only a passive narrator of fearful events. Now and then even a note of strident humor is struck, more poignant, more painful than pathos.

Ever and anon there appears throughout the funereal story-as if smiling out through the window of a charnel-house-the innocent face of a child: Tioka. He is all bright curls and laughter. Unaware of the carnage that surrounds him, he runs with light, quick feet through pools of blood to nestle in the gentle maternal breast which for him is all purity and tenderness.

········

As I read on and on the writing trembles and wavers, as if the hand and the heart of the writer wearied of their task. With a sudden break the sad story closes, unfinished, incomplete.

"If I could tell of the tears I have shed, if I could describe the anguish I have suffered, I am sure that pity would be shown to me. Surely if the world knew of my torment and my sufferings-"

Nothing more. Thus abruptly the tragic manuscript ends.

The train slackens speed, falters, shivers-stops. I am at Trani; at the furthermost end of Italy; almost beyond civilization; almost out of the world.

Soon I shall see before me the woman I have come so far to seek: the woman who never gave the gift of love without the gift of death.

The high white walls of the penitentiary glared down in the blazing southern sun. The languid Adriatic trailed its blue silken waters past the barred windows. I raised the heavy knocker; it fell from my hand with a reverberating clang, and the massive prison-door opened slowly before me.

The Mother Superior and two gentle-looking Sisters fluttered-black and white and timid as swallows-across the sunlit courtyard. They were expecting me.

"She whom you seek is in the chapel," said the Mother Superior, in a low voice. "I will call her!" She left us. The two Sisters accompanied me up a broad stone staircase to a small waiting-room. Then they stood quietly beside me; and when I looked at them, they smiled.

In the silence that followed I could hear women's voices singing in the prison chapel, simple, untutored voices, clear and shrill:

"Kyrie eleison

Christe eleison..."

and the low notes of the organ rolled beneath the treble voices, full and deep;

"Mater purissima

Mater inviolata..."

"Number 315-that is the Countess Marie," said one of the two Sisters, "plays the organ for the other prisoners. She plays every day at noon and evensong."

"And at four o'clock in the morning," added the other Sister.

(How far, how far away, Marie Nicolaevna, are the passionate days of Moscow, the glowing, unslept nights of Venice!)

"Rosa mystica

Stella matutina..."

Suddenly the music ceased and we stood waiting in the hot, white silence. Then the door opened, and on the threshold stood Marie Tarnowska-the murderess, the devastating spirit, the Erinnys.

Tall and motionless in her fearful striped dress she stood, gazing at me with proud clear eyes; her brow was calm and imperious under the humiliating prisoner's coif, and her long hands-those delicate hands whose caresses have driven men to commit murder for her sake-hung loosely at her side. Her mouth, curving and disdainful, trembled slightly.

"Signora," I began. Her lips wavered into a faint smile as with a quick downward sweep of her eyelashes she indicated her dress of shame.

"Signora," I repeated, "I have come here neither out of compassion nor curiosity."

She was silent, waiting for me to proceed. The three nuns had seated themselves quietly near the wall, with eyes cast down and meek hands folded in their laps.

"I have come," I continued, "to vindicate my sisters in your eyes. I know you think that all women are ruthless and unkind."

Another smile, fleeting, vivid and intelligent, lit up her eyes. Then the narrow face closed and darkened again.

"For two years," I proceeded, "I have been haunted by the thought that you, shut in this place, must be saying to yourself that all men are base and all women pitiless. As to the men-I cannot say. But I wish you to know that not all women are without pity."

She was silent a few moments. Then in a weak voice she spoke:

"In the name of how many women do you bring this message to me?"

I smiled in my turn. "There are four of us," I said, cheerfully. "Two Englishwomen, a Norwegian, who is deaf and dumb-and myself. The deaf and dumb one," I added, "is really very intelligent."

Marie Tarnowska laughed! It was a low, sudden trill of laughter, and she herself seemed startled at the unaccustomed sound. The Sisters turned to look at her with an air of gentle amazement.

But in my eyes Marie Tarnowska had ceased to be the murderess, the Erinnys. Through the criminal in her dress of shame I had caught a glimpse of the little girl in the blue spectacles, the happy little girl who felt that every one loved her. That lonely, tremulous trill of laughter astray on the tragic lips stirred me to the depths; and sudden tears filled my eyes.

Marie Tarnowska saw this, and turned pale. Then she sat down, unconsciously assuming the same chastened attitude as the Sisters, her hands submissively folded, her dark lashes cast down over her long light eyes. For some time there was silence.

"I have read your notes," I said at last.

"My notes? I do not remember writing them." Suddenly her voice sounded harsh and her glance flashed at me keen as a blade of steel.

"You wrote them in the prison at Venice, in pencil, in a child's exercise book."

"It may be so." Marie Tarnowska breathed a long sigh. "That was a time of dreams," she said, raising her stricken eyes to mine. "I sometimes dream that this is all a dream. I think I must have fallen asleep one day when I was a little child, at home in Otrada-perhaps in our garden on the swing. I used often to fall asleep on that creaky old swing, reading a book, or looking at the sky. Perhaps I shall wake up soon, and find that none of all these dreadful things are true." She fingered the broad brown-and-white stripes of her prison-garb and gazed round the dreary room. Then her eyes strayed from the whitewashed walls, bare except for a large ebony crucifix, to the narrow iron-barred window, and back to the Sisters sitting along the wall like a triptych of Renunciation, with folded hands and lips moving silently in their habitual prayer. "Yes, I shall wake up soon and find myself in our old garden again. My mother will come down the path and across the lawn, with her little white shawl on her head; she will call me: 'Mura! Mura! Where are you? Come, child, it is time for tea; and Vassili is asking for you.' Then I shall jump from the swing and run to her and hide my face on her breast. 'Mother, if you knew what a dream I have had-a terrible dream, all about deaths and murders! I thought I had married Vassili, and he was unkind to me-as if Vassili could be unkind!-and I was locked in a prison in Italy-imagine, mother, to be imprisoned in Italy, where people only go for their honeymoon!' And mother will kiss me and laugh at the crazy dream as we go across the lawn together, happily, arm in arm."

I found no word to say, though her eyes seemed to question me; and her fragile voice spoke again: "Surely, this cannot all be true? It cannot be true that they are all dead. My mother? And little Peter? And Bozevsky? And Stahl? And Kamarowsky? Why, it is like-like 'Hamlet.'" She broke into strident laughter. "Do you remember how they all die in 'Hamlet'? One here, one there, one in the stream, one behind the curtain, drowned, stabbed, strangled-" Suddenly she was silent, looking straight before her with startled eyes.

"Poor Mura!" I murmured, and lightly touched her hand.

At the sound of the tender Russian appellative she turned to me quickly. Then she began speaking under her breath in hurried whispers.

"Who told you my name? Who are you? Are you my sister Olga? Do you remember the merry-go-round at the school-feast in Kieff? How we cried when it swung us round and round and round and would not stop? I seem to be still on the merry-go-round, rushing along, hastening, hurrying with the loud music pealing in my head."

The Mother Superior rose and approached her. "Hush," she spoke in soothing tones. "You will soon be quiet and at rest."

But Marie Tarnowska paid no heed. Her eyes were still fixed on mine with a despairing gaze. "Wake me, wake me!" she cried. "And let me tell you my dream."

And during those long mild April days she told it to me as follows.

Where shall I begin? Wait, let me think-ah, yes! Where I fell asleep that day in the garden, on the swing. I remember it was a hot day even in Otrada; almost as hot as it is here. And it was my birthday; I was sixteen years old. My mother herself, with great solemnity, in the presence of my father and sisters, had twisted up my long curling hair and pinned it in great waves and coils on the top of my head. There were to be no more long plaits hanging down my back!

"Your childhood is over, Mura," said my mother. "At sixteen one has to look and behave like a grown-up young lady."

"That is exactly what I am, mother dear," I replied with great self-assurance.

My mother smiled and sighed and kissed me. "You are such a child-such a child still, my little snowdrop," she said, and her eyes were tender and anxious.

But I ran gaily out into the garden, feeling very proud of my red-gold helmet of curls. I sprang fearlessly on the swing, tossing my head from side to side, delighted to feel the back of my neck cool and uncovered to the breeze. What would Vassili say to see me like this! But soon the hairpins felt heavy; they pulled a hair or two here, and a hair or two there, and hurt me. I stopped the swing, and with my head bent forward I quickly drew all the hairpins out and threw them on the ground.

The heavy coils of hair loosened, untwisted like a glittering snake, and fell all about me like a cloak of gold. I leaped upon the swing again and, standing, swung myself in wide flights through the clear air. What joy it was! As I flew forward my hair streamed out behind me like a flag, and in the backward sweep it floated all about my head in a whirling canopy of light.

I laughed and sang out loud to myself. How delightful was the world! How blissful to be alive and in the sunshine!

Suddenly Vassili appeared at the end of the path with my cousin, Prince Troubetzkoi. They were coming towards me arm in arm, smoking cigarettes and gazing at me. I felt shy of my loosened hair; I should have liked to jump down and run away, but the swing was flying too high and I could not stop it.

The two men looked at me with strange intent eyes, as no one had ever looked at me before. I felt a hot blush rise to my cheeks like a flame. Obeying a sudden, overmastering impulse I let go the ropes and covered my face with my hands. I heard a cry-did it come from me?-then everything whirled round me.... For an instant I saw the gravel path rise straight in front of me as if to strike me on the forehead. I threw myself back, something seemed to crash into the nape of my neck-and I remember no more.

I see the ensuing days as through a vague blue mist. I see myself reclining in an armchair, and my mother sitting beside me with her crochet-work. She is crocheting something of yellow wool. It is strange how the sight of that yellow wool hurts and repels me, but I cannot find words in which to express it, I seem unable to speak; and mother crochets on calmly, with quick white hands. I am conscious of a dull pain in the nape of my neck. Then I see Vassili come in; he is carrying an enormous cage in his hand; and Olga follows him, laughing and radiant.

"Here he is! here he is!" cries Vassili triumphantly, putting the cage down beside me; and in it, to my horror, I see a parrot, a huge gray and scarlet creature, twisting a hard black tongue round and round as he clambers about the cage. I cry out in terror: "Why-why do they bring me things that frighten me?" And I burst into tears. Every one gazes at me in amazement; my mother bends tenderly over me: "But, my own darling, yesterday you said you wanted to have a parrot. Vassili has been all the way to Moscow to buy it for you."

"No, no! it is not true! I never said I wanted a parrot! Take it away! It frightens me. And so does the yellow wool." I hear myself weeping loudly; then everything is blotted out and vanishes-parrot, Vassili, yellow wool, Olga-nothing remains but my mother's sad and anxious face bending above me, dim and constant as the light of a lamp in a shadowy chapel.

When I was able to come down to breakfast for the first time, my father stood waiting for me, straight and solemn at the foot of the great staircase. He gave me his arm with much ceremony and led me to my place, where flowers lay in fragrant heaps round my plate. Every one embraced and complimented me and I was very happy.

"I feel as if I were a princess!" I cried, clapping my hands; and they all laughed except my father, who answered gravely:

"If it is your wish, you may become one. Prince Ivan has asked for your hand."

"Ivan? Ivan Troubetzkoi?" All the gladness went out of my heart.

"Yes. And so has Katerinowitch," exclaimed Olga, with a bitter smile; and I noticed that she looked pale and sad.

"Both Ivan and Katerinowitch? How extraordinary!" Then glancing at my mother, whose eyes were fixed upon her plate, I added jestingly, "Is that all? No one else?"

My pleasantry fell flat, for no one answered, and I saw my father knitting his brows. But my mother lifted her eyes for an instant and looked at me. In the blue light of that dear gaze I read my happiness!

But Olga was speaking. "Yes," she said, "there is some one else. Vassili Tarnowsky has asked to marry you." And she added, with a touch of bitterness: "I wonder what has possessed all three of them!"

Vassili! Vassili! Vassili! The name rang like a clarion in my ears. I should be Vassili's wife! I should be the Countess Tarnowska-the happiest woman in all this happy world. Every other girl on earth-poor luckless girls who could not marry Vassili-would envy me. On his arm I should pass proudly and serenely through life, rejoicing in his beauty, protected by his strength. Sheltered on his breast the storms would pass over my head, nor could sorrow ever touch me.

COUNT O'ROURKE

"I trust that your choice will fall on Troubetzkoi," said my father.

"Or on Vassili," cried Olga quickly.

I jumped up and embraced her. "It shall not be Katerinowitch, that I promise," I whispered, kissing the little pink ear that nestled under her fair curls. "He is to be for you!"

Time was to fulfil this prophecy.

As I went round the table, and passed my mother-poor little nervous mother!-I laid my hand on her arm. I noticed that she was trembling all over. Then I summoned up courage and approached my father.

"Father, dear, if you want your little Mura to be happy, you must let her marry Vassili."

"Never," cried my father, striking the table with his fist. The soul of the ancient O'Rourke-a demoniacal Irish ancestor of ours whose memory always struck terror to our souls-had awakened in him. I saw Olga and my mother turn pale. Nevertheless I laughed and kissed him again. "If I do not marry Vassili, I shall die! And please, father, do not be the Terrible O'Rourke, for you are frightening mother!"

But papa, dominated by the atavistic influence of the O'Rourke, grew even more terrible; and mother was greatly frightened. She sat white and rigid, with scarcely fluttering breath; suddenly in her transparent eyes the pupils floated upward like two misty pale-blue half-moons; she was in the throes of one of her dreaded epileptic seizures.

Then they were all around her, helping her, loosening her dress, fanning her; while I stood aside trembling and woebegone, and the pains in the nape of my neck racked me anew.

I said to myself that my father was hard and wicked, that I should marry Vassili and carry mother off with me, ever so far away!

As for papa, he should only be allowed to see us once a year. At Christmas.

I have married Vassili.

········

I pretended to be seized with such convulsions that my poor dear mother, being at her wits' end, at last allowed me to run away with him.

Do I say "I pretended"? I am not sure that that is correct. At first the convulsions were certainly a mere pretense. I would say to myself: "Now I shall make myself have convulsions." But as soon as I had begun I could not stop. After I had voluntarily gnashed my teeth they seemed to become locked as in a vice; my fists that I had purposely clenched would not reopen. My nails dug into the palms of my hands, and I could see the blood flowing down my wrists without being able to unclasp or relax my fingers.

Doctor Orlof, summoned in haste from Kieff, shook his head gravely.

"There are indications of epilepsy, due to the fall from the swing."

"No, no, no!" I cried. "Not the swing! It is because of Vassili!"

My mother trembled and wept.

How cruel we are in our childhood! How we torture the mothers that adore us, even though we love them with all our hearts. And oh! the tragedy of not understanding this until it is too late, when we can never, never ask for their forgiveness, nor console them or atone to them again.

I married Vassili.

My father, more the Terrible O'Rourke than ever, at once refused to have anything to do with me. He denied me his kiss and his forgiveness. I was very unhappy.

"Oh, don't bother your head about that tiresome old man," said Vassili, much annoyed by my tears.

As for my mother, she could only entreat Vassili to be kind and gentle with me.

"Take care of her, Vassili," she implored. "I have given her to you lest she should die of a broken heart: but she is really too young to be any one's wife-she is but a child! I do not know whether you understand me. Remember she is not yet a woman. She is a child."

"Yes, yes, yes," said Vassili, without paying much attention. "That's all right. I shall tweak her nose if she is naughty."

"And if I am good?" I asked, lifting ecstatic eyes to his handsome nonchalant face.

"If you are good you shall have sweets and kisses!" and he laughed, showing all his white teeth.

"Promise me, Vassili, that you will always sing my favorite song: 'Oh distant steppes, oh savage plains,' to me, and to no one else."

"To you and to no one else," said Vassili with mock solemnity. "Come then, Marie Tarnowska!" and he drew my arm under his, patting my hand on which the new nuptial ring shone in all its brightness.

"Marie Tarnowska!" What a beautiful name! I could have wished the whole world to know that name; I could have wished that every one seeing me should say: "Behold, behold Marie Tarnowska, happiest and most blessed among women."