Macabre love

It was a normal morning at home, I was woken up by one of the house maids who told me that breakfast would be served in a few minutes and that I should hurry to be presentable as soon as possible. I must admit that it wasn't exactly the easiest thing in the world to dress myself with the huge number of layers of dress, but I preferred to have at least a little privacy in these moments.

As soon as I was ready, I walked down the stairs to the huge dining room, the table was set and my family was sitting waiting for me as they always did, I walked to my usual place that was always next to Maya at the huge dining table, it really seemed to be a normal morning in our house and with all this calmness I couldn't wait for what was coming.

It was a quiet Wednesday morning, after eating my breakfast I was in one of my etiquette classes with my mother, she always made it clear that my daily teachings were something I couldn't escape no matter how hard I tried, "It's your duty as a noble woman and you must always be perfect. In my opinion this was all a big bummer, I never intended to get married in the end, but I was absolutely sure that if I tried to discuss this with my mother, she would tell my father and he would disown me from my own family, he really believed that a woman who could not marry and raise a beautiful family had no value in society and this made me deeply angry.

After my classes I decided to take a walk in the garden of the mansion, it was my favorite area of the house whenever I could try to find a way to escape to this place whenever possible, no matter how angry I got or how sad the people in this house made me feel, the smell of the roses always made me feel better about everything. One of the people in this house who also loved our garden was my brother Oliver, he always made sure that the employees were taking the best care of the garden, always making sure that the soil was fertilized and watered enough so that the roses could always grow healthy and beautiful. When I arrived at the garden Oliver was there, he had a concerned look on his face, the kind of affection I was not used to seeing on his face.

Oliver was a very cheerful man, we had always been very close as children so I always knew when he was sad, which was almost never the case, when he was worried or upset, so as soon as I saw the clear concern stamped on his face, I was afraid of whatever it was.

"Hello!"

"For heaven's sake Grace, don't come in so suddenly, it almost killed my heart!"

"You looked a little worried. So worried that you didn't even notice me coming."

"Perspicacious as always. What are you doing here? Running away from your classes again?"

"This time I was able to put up with all the hassle until the end, so I could come to the garden without carrying any guilt."

"We'll be free of our mother's scolding this time, then."

"Exactly. So, will you tell me why you are so worried?"

"I'm already 23, Dad wants me to marry a woman I don't know."

"An arranged marriage is just like our father. So, what do you intend to do?"

"I don't want to enter into a loveless marriage like this with a woman I don't even know the name of."

"I honestly don't think I have much choice."

"I know that, but what if I'm not able to love her?"

"I know that our father's speech always ends with "Come on, you might end up loving this woman like you did with me and your mother," but I don't think you believe that."

"The truth is that I know I can't love this woman because there is already someone I love."

"Well, try to introduce her to our father, maybe she could be a good suitor and our father will forget about this arranged marriage thing."

"Our father would never accept this person. Now I am stuck in this and have nowhere to run, I am already feeling suffocated with this subject."

I can imagine how he feels, I imagine that the woman who marries Oliver will one day be very happy, he is a handsome man, with his dark wavy hair, his annoyingly perfect chin and his honey-colored eyes, but he has always been a romantic, he always told me that he prayed every day that God would allow him one day to marry someone he really loves, but I guess that in this case God was not able to hear his request in the end. He asked me to be alone in the garden since he needed to think for a while, I told him that he could come to me for advice whenever he needed it, but if what he needed at that moment was to be alone with his thoughts I understood perfectly and I left him alone on one of the benches in the middle of the beautiful garden of red roses.

The concern I had for Oliver's happiness was clear to me, but there was nothing in my power that I could do to help him now, so until I thought of a solution I should let him calm down a bit, I decided to go to the big library of the house since it was my second favorite place in the house to relax, on the way I heard a female voice calling me, as soon as I looked back I saw Maya at the end of the hall waving to me. Maya was a year older than me and I imagine that soon she would have the same concerns as Oliver about his marriage, not that one day she might lack suitors since Maya was one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen in my life. She had long, wavy, silky blonde hair that went all the way down to her hips but was always held back by an extravagant hairstyle that made her even more beautiful, she always wore blue dresses since it was her favorite color, and she always had a beautiful smile on her face, Maya was never a vain woman but her extremely white skin was as perfect as porcelain and her face didn't even need any make-up at all, it seemed to look rosy and angelic, my mother always told me that I should mirror Maya to be a beautiful aristocratic lady, but for me she was an example of beauty and altruism that I made sure to follow.

"I was looking for you, it's strange that you're not in the garden as usual."

"I'd like to stay there for a while, but Oliver said he wanted to be alone."

"I guess he's preoccupied with the details of his arranged marriage."

"So, you've heard?"

"You have no idea how much the maids in this house like to gossip among themselves."

"I wonder how much they must talk then."

"I understand Oliver's concern, he's always been against arranged marriages, but just like death it's not something he can escape."

"Our father could at least listen to his only male child."

"He was always very strict. Oliver's marriage also worries me since I will be 19 next year and our mother will remind me of my duties as a woman."

"Yes, soon after you I will be the one who will have to get married. This is very unfair; I hope at least I can find someone I love and our father will approve until then. Maybe I'll be luckier than you and Oliver."

"And who wouldn't want to be the suitor of a beautiful woman like you?"

These words brought me no comfort, the fact that I was apparently beautiful indicated that my father could trade me like cattle to men twice my age without any problem, my beauty at that moment brought me more fear than anything in this world.

Maya and I walked together to the library, spent the whole afternoon talking about everyday things and drinking tea, stopping only at lunchtime and saying goodbye at dinner time. I always spent most of my time alone as much as I loved my brothers, I always made sure to never give up my peace and quiet for anything in the world, so I always took some time to be alone during the day, in this time I read and acquired some hobbies like sewing or embroidery, I always wanted to learn fencing but my mother was extremely against it so I managed to learn just before I was fifteen until she found out I was learning with my brother on the sly, after that time I never insisted on another attempt.

After finishing some embroidery and reading a bit I decided to turn in and sleep, I lay in my bed with no guilt on my conscience, although I was still concerned about the happiness of all my family members the day had been productive and enjoyable. I lay comfortably on my bed and slept peacefully minutes later, the next morning I was woken up by the same old maid, I thank her after she tells me that I should hurry or I would miss my breakfast, her face had a countenance a little out of her usual, but I thought it was something in my head and went back to my normal routine. After getting ready I went downstairs towards the huge dining table, as soon as I arrived, I realized that Oliver was not present along with the rest of the family, I asked my father the reason for my brother's absence but he just told me that Oliver had to go to the house of his childhood friend David, apparently Oliver was still not completely resigned to his arranged marriage and sought refuge and advice from his good friend and confidant since childhood yesterday evening.

With this information I was able to eat my morning coffee more peacefully, until the moment when my peace came to its bitter end.

One of the house maids came into the dining room and told my mother and father that a communiqué had just arrived, my mother asked her to bring the paper to her, as soon as she read the contents of this letter she collapsed, she didn't know what it was about yet but she could be completely sure that it wasn't something good by the way my mother immediately felt sick when she read it.

My father tried to hold my poor mother as her body gave way to the stress, but was almost unsuccessful in preventing her body from crashing to the floor, Maya and I just watched in complete shock as we stared at each other while we tried our best to help our father with our mother's care.

My father took the communiqué and as soon as he read the contents of the letter, he turned totally pale, it was as if he had seen a ghost right in front of him, at that moment I wished that Oliver was with us to calm our father and help him deal with whatever was going on. My father asked us to take care of our mother and didn't say another word before quickly walking out the front door of the mansion and shouting for one of his employees to bring him a horse. After a few minutes and a reasonable amount of water my poor mother finally woke up, Maya and I were restless wanting to know what that communiqué was about, however we decided that we shouldn't put our poor mother's fragile health at risk just out of curiosity, waiting until she was calmer was for sure the best decision to make at that moment.

It was already past two o'clock on that chaotic afternoon while Maya and I didn't have a single piece of news about anything that had happened, both of us were sitting at the tea table in an external area of the house, both of us were trying to leave all this aside and calm down, after all, one hour or another the details about what had happened would reach our ears. It didn't take long until our father returned to the house, one of the maids warned us that he had just returned, Maya and I ran to the main hall where the entrance door was and we bumped into our father, his face had an apathetic and depressed semblance and when I finally had the courage for both of us to ask what had happened, he just asked us to follow him to one of the rooms since it wouldn't be a very nice conversation. We obeyed him and walked with him to the dining room, on the way Maya and I looked at each other seeking some comfort from both of us, we didn't know yet what it was about, but the certainty that it was something more serious than we imagined took over us.

We arrived at the dining room and we both sat down in our usual chairs during meals, our father took a deep breath as he ran his hand through his almost gray hair before finally beginning to speak.

"Listen carefully my dear daughters, I would like to say that the news I received earlier has left me devastated and I hate with all my heart to be the bearer of such unfortunate news. The letter we received earlier was a statement from the court itself that made it more than clear that your brother had been arrested when he was caught red-handed committing a crime of sadomy with his childhood friend David. The flagrant was made by David's father who insisted that both of them should be brought to trial after making a big scandal.

"That can't be true dad, Oliver and David are just very close childhood friends."

"David's father claims that most of the employees in the house witnessed the scene, they were without their clothes and actually committing sadomy. The evidence is overwhelming. I really can't believe that my only son would bring me such shame and heartbreak."

"Don't tell me that you intend to turn your back on Oliver. "

"That's exactly what I'm going to do. I can't let the entire high-class community think that I condone such profanity."

"Is your reputation with these hypocritical and arrogant people worth more than the life of your only son! How can you say things like that?"

"Don't you see how this will affect the lives of all of us? How will I be able to find good suitors for you two if this whole situation gets worse? It's going to be hard enough for me to walk around with our reputation tarnished by something like this."

Those words. I couldn't believe I was hearing them, couldn't believe that my beloved father was trading Oliver's life for a mere reputation.

I started to raise the volume of my voice, after what I had just heard I was a little more than out of control I could never in my life allow my father to sacrifice my beloved brother just for his reputation, it was something too pathetic to even think of doing.

While I tried to argue with my father losing control more and more Maya was standing still like a statue, it was as if her brain was having enormous difficulty understanding the information she had received, she observed each of the movements that I and our father made with great attention, her face contained an almost ghostly semblance, it was as if she had become even whiter, her skin pale and her frightened and anguished face gave me goose bumps for being something I had never witnessed before. Maya stood up and walked over to me and my father, when she was finally close enough, she told me that we should just let it go, since there was no point in arguing with him.

"We can't let our father go along with this."

"There's no point in saying anything, there's no need to waste your breath on this."

"What do you mean, Maya? Are you going to give up on our brother too?"

"You know I would never give up on him, but it will be a while before you finally understand."

"Understand what?"

"That we're just products for our father, aren't we?"

"How dare you talk to your father like that?"

"I see that I never had a father, but rather a master, a merchant. If the worst person in the universe were extremely rich and showed up at your door, you wouldn't think twice before trying to sell one of us to him. Hateful is the way you treat your daughters and your family, so I wouldn't be surprised if you really decided to sacrifice Oliver."

At that moment the sound of a slap echoed throughout the dining room, Maya stared at our father with a look of total surprise, he couldn't believe he had hit her, our father was gasping for breath and overcome with rage, my poor sister had her hand on her now red face while I could hardly say anything in May to the whole situation.

"I AM LOSING MY ONLY MALE CHILD; THE FUTURE OF MY NAME AND YOU DARE TELL ME THAT I ONLY HAVE GOODS! HIS POOR MOTHER IS DISTRAUGHT AND STILL HAS THE NERVE TO ACT LIKE A SPOILED GIRL WHO DOESN'T UNDERSTAND HOW THINGS WORK."

"Oliver is going to hang father, you know that."

"Yes, I know. But there is nothing I can really do to stop it; they have plenty of evidence that the act was really consummated and they have both already been brought to trial. The sentence is almost certain at this point."

I asked Maya to step back a little, said a few more words of disapproval to our father, and took Maya to her room. She was far from well, her hands were shaking and her breathing was rapid, her face was still swollen from the slap she had just received and was looking increasingly red. I asked one of the maids to give her something to calm her down and so they did and gave her some kind of tea which made her sleep quickly while I stayed by her side until she finally fell asleep, as soon as I was sure that Maya wouldn't wake up anymore, I went to my mother's room, she was lying on her bed staring at the ceiling, she was looking the same as Maya and that made me even more scared.

My mother was a beautiful woman, she was so vain that she didn't even let herself look her age, always keeping her appearance more than impeccable so that her daughters could be inspired by her and follow in her footsteps as a beautiful lady and a good woman and wife. At that moment she was down, her face was pale and her hands were sweaty, as soon as she saw me in the room she asked me how everyone was doing besides apologizing for making everyone worried, I told her that I already knew everything that had happened and that Maya had an argument with our father that didn't end very well, I felt regret take over me as soon as I finished saying these words, as soon as I closed my damn mouth my poor mother burst into tears. No matter what I did at that hour it seemed that she could never stop crying.

Hours passed and my poor mother remained in her endless state of pain and suffering. It was more than understandable that she would be totally desolated by this news, losing a son is something I would never understand now, I was also losing my beloved brother and I couldn't come to terms with it, I was thinking of some way to free my brother from this fateful end, but nothing came to my mind as I listened to my mother's cries.

I left the room and asked one of the maids to give my mother the same as they gave my sister, they obeyed and I went to the garden of the house. The sun was setting and my heart was totally broken, I couldn't believe that I would lose my brother this way, I felt as if a knife was being stuck in my chest in the cruelest way possible, my soul could leave my body right now and I wouldn't care, it would be less painful in the end.

When night finally fell I went inside the mansion, my father was sitting at a tea table near the main entrance, he looked at me as if he expected me to say something, anything at all, but I was able to say a single word to him, everything I felt for my father at that moment was something I never imagined I would feel, it all boiled down to an endless grudge that took over me, I remember his words, the words he made sure to speak, "I can't believe that my only son would bring me so much disappointment. Those words tore through my body in an extremely painful way, I who was disappointed from the end of my heart, disappointed by the way I finally realized that we meant nothing to him in the end, by the way he gave up Oliver so easily for his reputation. At the same time fear was also taking over me, this man I had trusted all my life had my future in his hands, I could no longer trust him, but in the end, he would decide the course of my life, who I would marry, and how I would live my life, and now I am absolutely sure that even if I am in the most unhappy relationship of my entire life, he would not lift a finger for my happiness.

I continued my way to my room, all the corridors of this huge mansion were totally dark now, the atmosphere of the whole mansion was so heavy that it was hard to breathe, it was as if a great feeling of mourning had already taken over the whole place, there was not a single corner of the house where sadness was not present. I arrived at my room and changed my clothes to sleep and when I put my head on my pillow I could not sleep at all, I called one of the maids and asked her to prepare me the same tea that my mother and sister had had, there was only one way to get me to sleep that night and that was a tea with compounds that I didn't recognize, the maid returned with the tea in hand, although it was very hot I drank it as fast as I could and went back to bed, it didn't take long for me to fall asleep with the feeling that tomorrow would be even worse in my heart.