MY PERFECT DESIRE

There is only one thing that Fathia understands, how she adored touch and all that this man could give her tonight. The man projected the accumulation of things that had once been in her little head. Mercilessly. Without pause. And what was more surprising to Fathia, everything seemed natural.

However,

"Why?" Fathia asked in a frustrated tone. Her eyes were wide open, and she glared at each other sharply. The man positioned herself right above her, just smiling a little smile. As if disparaging, the man was already very impatient in the darkness of her eyes.

It took him tens of months to realize that the stretched distance tormented him.

"One or two?" The fingers that had been inside Fathia, he took out. The clear liquid was emanating from within enveloped. Slowly, he took the finger and touched it to the girl's cheek, which seemed to be burning beneath him.

Fathia growled in annoyance. "I'm done!" She pushed Tian's body of the man above her. Quickly, she grabbed the scattered clothes. Don't ask about the girl's face; very messy. His face was red too. Angry.

"You sure ?" Tian chuckled. His eyes looked relaxed as he watched the ash brown-haired girl getting dressed. Some of the reddish marks from his actions were evident at some point.

"Don't play with me, Tian. Finish it," Fathia turned her head and still gave her a piercing look. "Or I'll go home."

"Your choice. I just want to make sure you and I are satisfied. Just that."

Fathia rolled her eyes in disgust. Immediately she put a cloth covering her thighs. "Ah, I just remembered. I have an appointment with Arslan in two hours."

Fathia could see for herself how the soo-black eyes turned cloudy again. The intimate aura had changed so quickly. Fathia scared? Not. Oh, it's not just fear. But she wanted it too. In one fell swoop, the man had pulled her away. Support her mercilessly.

"In your dreams!"

Fathia laughed in satisfaction. "Never mess with me, Tian. Never."

Sad news.

02 June 2014

Without hesitation, Fathia ran along the school corridor. Beads of sweat had started to take over her forehead. She doesn't care. Her thoughts only focused on the principal's office. He said someone was sent from her father's office.

Since last night, she's been feeling bad. Until he finished breakfast, there was no single word from the people she loved. Usually, Felice, her sister, diligently contacted whenever she had the opportunity. Ah, maybe they are all busy with their business.

That's what Fathia stuck in her mind. Please do your best to take all the existing exams until the call for her arrives.

Her breath hitched, her eyes making sure the space she was aiming for was the right one. She had never set foot here as long as she was studying at Bina Nusantara. Only a few times visited the teacher's room with its purpose. Give assignments and other orders from the homeroom teacher.

It took her a few minutes to normalize her heart rate. Also, the sigh that was repeatedly chased by the result of running earlier. Having had enough, she knocked on the carved wooden door that hung perfectly; Head Master, in the middle of the door.

"Sir," said Fathia when she entered the room, which was quite large. That was after Fathia was invited in. Her eyes fluttered a little. Closing nervously, Fathia didn't want to move from her position in the doorway. On the right side, Fathia was presented with a large cupboard with a glass door complete with the contents of many trophies. Also, the certificate of appreciation is in the other corner. Fathia School can indeed be said, the leading school throughout Jakarta.

She immediately bowed her net when Surya Pakamupo turned his head towards her.

"Oh, Fathia." Sun cleared his throat briefly. He glanced at his interlocutor and resumed his speech. "Sit down, kid."

Fathia complied, and when she sat comfortably, her brows furrowed. Fathia knows this man. But what is it?

"Fathia," called the man.

"Tian." For some reason, the erratic feeling she had been feeling for a long time grew more assertive in her chest. "What is it?"

Fathia found no immediate answer but only a glance between the principal and the man she knew as her beloved sister's fiancé, Sebastian Sachdev Rendra.

"Please ... this news Fathia carefully and,"

"And?" Fathia urged impatiently. She couldn't wait until she immediately changed her sitting position, moving slightly towards the man she had met several times.

There was a long sigh before Tian finally spoke, "Your parents and ... Vally," Tian closed for a moment, feeling the pain he had been carrying, especially when he said a name that disturbed his recesses. "Involved in an accident last night."

Xena didn't bat an eye. Just stared at Tian without pause. She digested everything she had just heard.

"And... they all died on the spot."

***

(NOW)

Calmly, Tian began to strip off his shirt. He didn't want to rush because he knew nothing would stop him. His eyes remained fixed on one point, the net like a girl's doll whose clothes had been worn off. Staring at him contentedly, like a wolf ready to pounce on its prey, Mika Nadine.

Strolling, crawling up to the bed, that smirk Tian kept up. Meanwhile, Mika greeted him with joy. Full of longing and will not want to go anywhere. Today is the payment for the two weeks waiting for the return of Sebastian Sachdev Rendra. Without the slightest doubt, even Mika swears she will record clearly how their relationship with Mika ends where.

They struggle with each other. Give and take each other until each of them forget their minds. Sighs were furious and stifled into a cohesive melody, hinting at how they were working towards this afternoon, full of awareness and lust.

Without realizing it, a loud enough cough interrupted their activities.

"Oh ... so while Fathia was in college, you were like this, huh? Great ."

Mika looked at her, full of shock. Pushed the equally surprised Tian. Pulled the blanket and forgot that Tian could fall because of him. But too late. Tian had already fallen to the floor with the body of a dictionary. Ignoring the pain, Tian grabbed the towel on the nightstand's edge.

"Fathia," Tian said emphatically. "You can knock on the door first."'

"Oops!" Fathia seems to have forgotten that knocking on the door is what she should be doing. "After... coming home from college, what you see is shirts, skirts, shoes, not to mention cels-"

"Stop! No need to continue!" Tian looked at the young girl with an annoyed look. He rubbed his face full of frustration. "Next time, don't be like that. Hear?"

"Okay, Uncle Tian Darling." Fathia fixed her backpack. The corners of her eyes were satisfied as Mika looked at Mika-a beautiful woman who she believed was an incarnation of this nine-tailed fox-already bright red because of her actions.

"When will Fathia come?" Mika asked, trying very hard to normalize her heartbeat. She always managed to print her best smile only in front of Fathia. For Tian's sake. She never thought that her hot activities in the bed of Sebastian Sachdev Rendra would end up being witnessed by a cunning demon in the form of a beautiful girl named Fathia Bernessia.

"Five or ten minutes ago, huh? A little forgotten. It's great to see you guys struggling like that. Oops."

Fathia wasn't sure if her words were convincing or not. What is clear in Tian's main room is only him and Mika. The owner of the room had rushed to the toilet to tidy up his appearance as possible even though Fathia herself had just arrived and immediately wanted to end their hot activity.

No way! Thought Fathia.

Then she left and went into her room. She took a deep breath and immediately threw herself on the bed. Oh, she didn't forget to lock the door to her room so that Tian didn't see her. It is a habit without rules if the rigid man always breaks through his realm, including space.

"I won't let anyone have Tian, Felice. Will not!" She always held that determination firmly. Her eyes closed as she thought, should she go to bed early or go out again to eliminate the shadows of the scene earlier.

But unfortunately, the shadow did not quickly disappear as easily as she closed her eyes. Imagining also had many questions in her mind; How many times has Sachdev Rendra had a heated struggle with the famous photo model, making her nauseous.

The sleepiness that had arisen earlier, mainly because the course this time bore her, was paid off with Fathia's version of the disgusting treat earlier. Seriously! Slightly stomping, she immediately got off the bed. Didn't think much of where she was going.

Hurriedly, she grabbed the cardigan that was draped in the hanging area. She also took out the things she needed; cell phone, charger, wallet, and small make-up bag. Ignoring the hunger that had whacked her. She thought. Apart from taking a nap after filling his empty stomach with a bowl of cereal, she also enjoyed her favourite drama, especially when Fathia's head was full of exam schedules and materials.

In fact? She presented magical things here.

"Where are you going?"

The voice was firm. Full of intimidation and without any hesitation whatsoever.

Fathia turned her head without fear. Five years of living together with the artificial her immune to the intimidation he was given. How about Tian, who has stood up arrogantly, which is more often annoying than fun. There are many rules and prohibitions, making Fathia uncomfortable and bored simultaneously. Not to mention how stiff Tian treated her.

Her mind flashed with the memory of her first meeting with Sebastian Sachdev Rendra. Her guardian. Until then, it has enabled Fathia to stand firm here until now. It is in the shade, and Fathia can still breathe comfortably until this second.

"Fathia!"

But Fathia dispersed right then and there. In front of her was Tian, who was staring at her without pause. "Where are you going? Clubbing again? More fun?"

"There's no better accusation than that, Uncle?" Oh, Lord! If you could curse Tian, Fathia would have done it. Let alone clubbing, just knowing how the contents of the place were, Fathia already shuddered in horror. Although many of her classmates often use the money for self-satisfaction and existence, Fathia is reluctant to do so.

If Tian was referring to her hobby of sitting in one corner of the cafe in the mall she used to visit, maybe it was true. He often warns the little girl, who is now a semi-adult, not to call herself' Uncle', but it doesn't work.

"Where are you going?" Tian tried to lower his voice to get the girl to hear his orders. Fathia is not a rebellious child, and Tian can confirm that. If a Mika Nadine is in front of her, Fathia is always like this.

Not. Not. Tian can't lose. So far, Tian has always won, no matter what. Including the subjugation of Fathia's actions which are getting worse daily.

"Eat, Uncle. Fathia is hungry. I was in a hurry to get home." Fathia didn't lie. It's useless to lie to a Tian. The cold man always knows what and where Fathia is going.

"What do you want to do, Fathia? I want to cook. Hungry by the way."

Fathia spontaneously turned toward the source of the voice. What a fox! How clever she is! Mika appeared at the right time, but for Fathia, it was a disaster.

"Will I be poisoned later, Aunt Mika? It's because Fathia often has problems with food if it doesn't match." Fathia said with a small smile that made the dictionary very poignant. For her business with Mika, she will not want to lose.

Any.

Mika Nadine's face indeed turned sour. However, her intentions are good even though it is veiled. She wanted to show how much she could act like the woman Tian wanted. For Mika, being beautiful and great in bed is not enough to trap Tian in her arms.

Repeatedly, Mika tried it but failed.

"Not. Or do you want to help? Let's finish quickly?"

The jet-black-haired girl chuckled. Her face was witty, as if she was laughing at the idea Mika had just launched.

"Sorry, Aunt Mika. Since I'm kind and not arrogant, I invite you all together. I just eat out. Happy friyeay ," said Fathia while dramatizing the situation. She waved at the woman whose face had changed with joy.

While Tian? Staring at Fathia with a piercing gaze.

"I join."

And Fathia's cheers echoed in the heart.

One-zero Aunt Fox!

Burial.

03 June 2014

The drizzle that fell did not bother the girl wearing black overalls. She was still trying to stand firm between the three mounds that had been covered neatly. Flowers were spread out beautifully on it. Each one already has a name that makes her part of the family.

The glasses she wore covered up how swollen her eyes were from crying. Especially when the hearse arrived at her grand residence, she roared. Shouted hysterically until she fainted many times, but still, the three people she loved so much would not wake up to greet her. They were lying stiff, happy to face God.

Leaving her, who is still very young, to face the world. The foothold that Fathia had was felt to have collapsed without any more support, especially when Tian told this sad news. And Fathia's collapse gets worse when she is allowed to look at her three family members for the last time, even though they are in a coffin. Papa, Mommy, and the older sister, Felice.

"Miss, drink milk first, okay?" Narti offered a moment before they all headed for the funeral. Since last night, Fathia did not swallow or drank anything. To her, all tasteless and filling at the same time.

"No, ma'am. I don't want to," said Fathia while wiping her tears. The family, either from Papa or Mommy, have started to arrive. They all hugged Fathia and conveyed their condolences. Fathia still doesn't want to believe everything that happened so fast.

How on the night they said goodbye, Felice had advised her to be careful during the exam. If the value is good, vacation rewards to Bali are waiting. Fathia pouted because last year was the same; a holiday to Bali.

If she remembers, her parents gave her many messages that night. Starting from maintaining health, don't forget to eat regularly; one thing is bothering her now.

"Fathia must be a strong woman. Strike all that gets in your way. Don't even think about giving up. Clairine never give up, Fathia. You should know that." Alvin Mehram Clairine said while rubbing the top of Fathia's head affectionately. Her eyes were gentle yet firm in them.

"Fathia is Papa's child. Surely I also doesn't give up easily like Felice, who often wins the tender. Yes, right?"

Alvin laughed, pinching the tip of Fathia's chin, which was split affectionately. "You're right. Felice example. But remember one thing. Papa would rather you live your life as you do in your heart."

Fathia's brow wrinkled even more as her father continued his speech.

"Because the heart knows best, where it will be anchored."

"I don't understand, Pa." Right. That's true. Fathia, who understands this. All he thought was school, participating in the activities she chose to fill her spare time and returning home. Life is not very colourful. Ordinary. Even for this fifteen-year-old teenager, having a close friend or a boyfriend is entirely unthinkable. She is very different from her friends.

What they talk about can't be separated from talking about the handsome young man at school. "Look. Very handsome, right, our student council president?"

"You don't need to understand. One day you will understand. Just remember Papa's message, okay?" Alvin looked at Fathia so closely. At the same time, the youngest daughter in the end nodded and smiled a slight assent to her father's request.

Fathia never thought those words would be the last message before they are now different worlds.

Again Fathia wiped her tears. The memory was so suffocating her.

"We're going home," said someone who made Fathia turn her head. Slightly looked up because the man beside her was towering. His body is well built, especially this time. He wears a black shirt that is a bit dirty at the ends. During the funeral procession, this man did not hesitate to help lower each coffin at its final crossing.

"I want to be alone, Tian." Fathia returned to rearrange the graves of her parents. Squatting a little still wants to let go.

"I'll accompany you then."

She looked back and was right. Tian was the same. Aligned himself beside Fathia. "You can go home. I wants to be alone."

"I won't leave you alone."

***

(now)

"How was your college?" Tian asked while eating his dish. The grilled grouper menu is the choice. It seems appropriate considering that since this morning, he had only eaten from the origin of the food. Meetings are also meetings with many very time-consuming clients.

Not to mention the many reports from Vino that made him discouraged from just filling his empty stomach. If it wasn't for Mika's visit to the office, maybe Tian still had to do a thing or two. The seduction of the beautiful woman was enough to make Tian waver.

But now? So he was stuck with Fathia in one of his regular restaurants.

"So far, so good." Fathia doesn't know how often she has chewed the corn cake, which is the mainstay of the menu here. A typical Manado restaurant in Serpong is their destination. Fathia followed the significant steps of Tian, who took the lead. They had nothing to say the whole way.

Many things have changed in their five years together. Whether Tian feels it or not, what is clear to Fathia, the man beside her is getting colder and stiffer. Her words were short plus full of orders and intimidation. As if what slipped from her slightly blackened lips was a must for Fathia.

Only this time, she heard Tian use her voice to ask. Usually, this thirty-five-year-old man's voice was only for commanding. That's what caused Fathia to stare at Tian in surprise.

"Your grades?"

The more Fathia's brows furrowed in confusion, Hitting on one centre, Tian was now also looking back at him. "Not bad."

The motion of Tian bribing the fish paused slightly. Meet Fathia in the end. Then snorted softly as he shook her head. "Prepare yourself in two years, Fathia."

Now it's Fathia who doesn't understand the direction of Tian's conversation. "It means?"

"I can't work for you all the time. I want to be free from the Claire Group."

At first, Fathia was eager to finish the grilled fish, which was still almost half of the portion left. Not to mention the sauteed papaya flowers that look delicious and want to add rice again. But when he heard Tian's words, her appetite just disappeared.

Even just bribing the rice stuck in the air, Fathia had no desire.

"Business is dirty, Uncle," Fathia whispered. Her eyes were downcast, and the image of her parents and Felice saying goodbye on the last day they met five years ago came back vividly.

"There is me. You're safe." Tian spoke casually. Enjoyed eating without glancing at the little girl in front of him.

Hearing Tian's words, Fathia's heart suddenly heated up. "I remember that Uncle spoke to Felice as well. What do I get? My sister's coffin." She put down the spoon that was still filled with rice earlier with a little move. She grabbed the small bag earlier and left Tian with a wound she could never close.

It doesn't matter if Tian gets angry in the apartment; this time, Fathia must let go of the sadness that has plagued her again. Full of certainty, the sadness that still haunts her about the meaning of loss crashes into her mercilessly. It made the tears roll down her cheeks.

"Why, Tian? Why?" Fathia finally complained. At the same time, stopping a taxi that passed right on the side of the road to the restaurant where she had eaten earlier. "Amore's cafe, sir," she said shortly after he settled into the passenger seat.

***

"Why is your face like that?" Elma asked casually, wrapping her arms around Fathia's neck. Usually, Fathia will scream in disapproval because Elma's treatment of her can make her straight hair messy and messy. But this time, Fathia was silent.

Elma doesn't know how often she stirred her iced cappuccino without interest. Even her sighs suggest that she is in big trouble.

"Suddenly mute, eh?" Elma was still babbling. She looked at her friend with a confused look. Since arriving at the cafe, Fathia doesn't use her mouth to talk.

"Fathia?" This time, Elma used a low voice full of sympathy. Unravelling her embrace earlier, she replaced it with a soft touch on Fathia's shoulder. You know that she seems to be urging Fathia, who is often in a world that Elma can't touch.

"Why is my last name Clairine?" Fathia asked quietly. More towards the mutterings that Elma couldn't hear clearly.

"What did you just say?"

"I am home." Fathia then stood up and grabbed her carry-on bag from the table. Without finishing her Iced Capuccino order. At first, she thought, meeting Elma in the middle of her busy schedule of managing a small cafe near her campus could ease the burden on her heart a little.

"Certain?" Elma doubted Fathia's words. The girl's habit, if she has a lot of thoughts, can make her heart beat wildly. Fathia is like a mute girl who doesn't make a sound if her mind flies somewhere. Elma paid close attention to that. "You'd better be in my room. Rest."

Fathia stopped walking. Thought for a moment, Elma's words sounded tantalizing. The room on the top floor of this cafe has a view that calms Fathia. The window was intentionally installed there, only covered by large curtains and even a mattress without a couch. She often slept at Elma's place, making her so familiar with the parts of her best friend's room.

But if she stays? Fathia has not dared to cross the boundary that Tian made. She had to be back before eight o'clock. Since she first stepped into the man's luxurious apartment, the rule was made without writing.

"Roy didn't visit?" Ah, Fathia remembers one name. Elma's lover sometimes comes to her. Moreover, she remembered that it was Saturday. I don't know where the custom comes from if Saturday night is the official visit of the lovers to the girl's house.

Except for Fathia, of course.

"Well... I can go out later, okay? Easy." Elma winced at being reminded of tonight's promise. For her, Roy could wait and be diverted somewhere first. The most important thing is Fathia.

"Nope. Next time ." The girl gave her best smile. She didn't want to be a burden on Elma tonight. She was used to dealing with Tian, whether in the apartment or watching her over the phone. She didn't want to take the risk of Tian's words that had hurt him so many times.

Ah, just remembering his figure made Fathia sad again. Tian's influence on her mood was truly impudent.

"Be careful coming home. Let me know when you get to the apartment."

Fathia just gave a thumbs up and a fake smile. She didn't want Elma to worry more about her.

Bringing up the topic of Clairine in the conversation just now made Fathia tired. She could not deny that Sachdev Rendra was preparing herself to continue her father's business. All of Fathia's values and behaviour are under Tian's high-level supervision. You can't recognize defects, and there are also minor scandals.

The sky is approaching this time of night but does not want to expel the remaining sun. Leaves a dramatic orange effect. Fathia stared at her for a long time. Then heaved a long sigh of preparation, returning to her luxurious cage. Not until he stepped up to stop a taxi did her cell phone ring again.

"Where are you?"

Fathia closed her eyes for a moment. Even though it had not been three hours since she had disappeared from Tian's radar, the stiff and cold man had reached her again.

"Campus."

"Wait there. I'll pick you up."

There is no need for an answer to just Fathia looking for an excuse to avoid. All she did, was step aside around the bus stop. Sit there. Wait. Killing time by listening to the saxophone reminds her of her home's living room.

The place where the four of them gathered happily. Now and then, her mother's voice hummed softly between Felice and Alvin's exciting debate. Meanwhile Fathia? She chose to read her favourite comics while lying on her mother's lap. The warmth of the meaning of family lost from Fathia's heart made her even more miserable.

The playlist on her cell phone was filled with things she had always heard before. Especially the music her father liked; Kenny G. Closed her eyes, filling her heart with many fond memories of fifteen years with her family. Whole. Until the roar of the car engine made her open her eyes. A man in a neat suit that Fathia knew was Tian's assistant opened the door.

"Miss," he greeted.

Fathia nodded slowly. Sign in without waiting for any more orders. While next to her was Tian, who sat stiffly without looking at him.

"Don't add to my burden, Fathia."

Those words were so imprinted in her heart. Not only once or twice, but Tian also said things like that to her. And those words were launched by Tian more and more without the man knowing how much Fathia wanted to cry because of it. She tried to argue or voice her objections, but she couldn't.

"Sorry, Uncle."