MONTI'S RAGE versus MONTI'S LOVE.

Monti ran towards the one-square-meter house in which her mother lived, not with the feeling of joy but of pain and rage. As she ran towards her mother's door, she could perceive the stinky smell of the garbage in front of the house; she was used to that smell.

Monti didn't expect all the scenes that her mother had created, feeling the frustration rushing out of her body; she wished that it could split her into two whole parts. Then she remembered again what her mother had done.

'Mom,' she muttered.

She had been trying to keep her patience at first, hoping that what she had seen on various media platforms wasn't true. She knocked a second time, feeling her mum's presence on the other side of the door; she knew she was leaning towards the door already.

'Mom, I know you are there, open the door!'

'I am sorry, Monti, I know you must have seen it,' she said, bursting out in tears.

She knew her mother wasn't prepared for a quarrel; in fact, her mum was the timid type, always crying over little matters. It is always a surprise for her that her mother's behavior is just too wide for such a feeble-hearted woman. She could feel pity inside for her mom, but she wouldn't. It is all too late to pity a negligent and incautious woman.

'Open this fucking door right now, or I will break it open and it will fall on your face,' she shouted.

She could only hear more cries. She wasn't ready to fall under any deception. Sharon, Monti's mother, opened the door. Her eyes looked straight into her daughter's blue eyes, but she quickly looked away. Monti walked in, looking at her mother's face in anger.

'I never knew you were such a shameless woman. Why?" Her voice broke. "Why did you do that to me, mom? Mark was my boyfriend,"

she cried.

"I am very sorry, Monti. I never knew he was your boyfriend; I thought you said he was your friend."

'And so, mom, even if it were true. Yes, he is my friend, yet you could travel an extra mile to sleep with your daughter's friend. Oh, mom! why?.'

'Stop, Monti, stop!' she said, breaking down in tears. 'He was the one who approached me. I asked about you, and he said you were just colleagues.

He said he loved me and wanted me more than he wanted anybody in his whole life. What could I have done? I have no one in my life. I thought it would be good if I keep him to myself for a while.'

'Wow! keep a young guy that is a little bit older than your daughter ? That's the dumbest decision that you have ever made . I am sure you wouldn't want to explain that kind of story to a deaf person as well. Is that one of your pitiful stories? You should have married your fiancé fifteen years ago instead of walking around, opening your wide legs to a tiny bald man, yes, like a slut,' she said angrily.

'Oh! You hurt me, Monti. I am your mother, regardless. Shouldn't you consider that,why do you call me a slut ?'

'you are pained because I called you a slut . You hate the truth so much you wouldn't want to admit to your wrongs .Yeah, Mom, you can continue dating him because that's what you've always wanted since you set your filthy eyes on him the first time. And the black boy with a big bald head and two yellow decayed teeth could have the boldness to sleep with his girlfriend's mother.' She cried

'Wow, (she sighed), it isn't your fault, though. Had it been, I could have set my eyes on him ever since I saw the video. I would have put him in his place where he deserves, with the animals in the dungeon.' she continued.

She suddenly stopped to look at her mother's face; she could see bruises all over her right cheek. She realized her mother might have been slapped in the face again, and she knew who would have done that.

"Who did this to your face?" Monti asked.

"Leave me alone, Monti. The physical bruises are more endurable than the inner bruises I have sustained. You hurt me with your words, for they are like tiny long pins nailed into a big tree."

"I wouldn't have had a choice, did I? You are such a stupid, feeble-minded woman who would fall for a deceitful, big-balled and timid young man," she laughed. "Did Kylie do this to you?" she asked.

"No, Kylie would never do that; it was your father!"

"My dad? Why and when?" Looked, confused, she looked around to see if a few of his luggage were there. And perhaps,I am still looking for a way to deal with that your friend.' She clasped.

'Your dad didn't come to stay; he saw what happened on line , tried to question me, and slapped my face. He asked about you; I didn't know what you were into, so I couldn't answer him.

'That's so bad; you didn't know what your daughter was doing. She's still in school, Mom, preparing to write her final exams to gain admission into college. You didn't tell him that his daughter fends for herself, working at a coffee shop from five till nine o'clock at night, yet still fends for her mother. It seems that man still loves you . He wouldn't have come from afar just to slap your face.'

Sharon noticed her daughter was finally calm and walked towards her to apologize for her actions.

'I am sorry, Monti; I never intended to do that to you. The boy lured me into sex with him; I never intended to do that.'

'Monti pushed her aside slightly 'Lured you? How would a young man lure a grown woman into sex with him? Instead of you looking for a young man to date ,why don't you return back to your fiancee ?He isn't married another woman ever since his wife died, you know?'

Sharon wasn't interested in such discussion.

' Well ,how did that happen?' Monti asked.

'What?' Sharon asked.

' Mom,I am not joking with you ,you know what I am talking about !' She shouted.

'He came to my room at night, intending to spend the night at our house. I offered him a drink. I didn't know how it happened; he asked for more bottles while I also drank a few.

It all started when he put out his phone, intending to pick up a call. I never knew it was a video call; he was drunk, and I picked it up. I never knew it would turn out this way; he began to touch me at first. I thought we were having fun, but it didn't turn out as we intended; his friend recorded everything.'

'Do you know him , I mean your young lover's friend ? And how did he lure you? Wasn't it willingly?'

'I don't know his friend. I am so sorry, Monti; maybe I shouldn't have said he lured me . Right now, I just feel pity for the young boy. I could still face my fears; I am used to it. They call me a street slut just like you do. I just don't know how the boy will live with such public embarrassment.' She lamented .

'I wouldn't feel any pity for him.Do you know what I personally will have to go through at school? The young boy will soon get over it,but my name is always attached to yours, and people will always relate you to me.

She began sobbing profusely and continued, 'But I tell you what, mom, I would never desire to be like you.'

'I am sorry, Monti; this I can't help myself with. I have been living like this since before you were born.Maybe I was born a slut and not a normal person like you." She cried too.

'No one is born a slut mom ,stop deceiving yourself . you know what? I never prayed to be like you mom , never," she said.

Monti cried, running outside in rage and frustration. She didn't expect that her mother could involve herself in despicable things; it was only her mother who stood with her. She felt the frustration rushing out of her body, wishing that it could split her in two.She wanted to feel like a baby again: innocent and lovely, trusting the first person to feed her breast milk, holding firmly to those big fingers. She wished she could have only been birthed by an animal. She ran a long mile to reach her school, satisfied with pushing out all the salty sweat of pain from her body. Her body was tired, but her soul wasn't; she was in rage over herself.

Sharon watched her daughter run outside in rage . She felt pity for her once more but she couldn't just help herself.

'Nor do I want you to be like me Monti. I might start to admire the life you are living already.' Sharon lamented.

A group of friends gathered in the empty classroom. They were three big girls, always drawing attention and respect from other students: Lydia, Mia, and Rachel. Lydia was the oldest of the group; she had a big stature, big eyes, and a robust body, while the rest of the trio were thin . Three of them were in the twelveth grade alongside Monti.

The three of them sat at the teacher's table while they engaged in various discussions, entertaining themselves with gossip.

'I heard that Monti wasn't feeling too good last week?" Mia said.

Lydia knew she indirectly threw a question at her.

"Yes! That's true, I thought I heard it too." Lydia replied .She pinched herself for such a lie.

Mia was happy that someone could finally discuss it.

'I heard she was sick because of her boyfriend who deserted her and went for her mother instead. Did you also hear that lydia?' Mia asked.

'That's so ridiculous!' 'I didn't,' she shook her head, realizing that Monti's mother came into Monti's picture for the second time; she wasn't sure whether the mother really cared about her daughter.

'It was a video; they tried all means to curb the video from going viral, and I think they succeeded a little. I also watched the video, but as soon as I saved it, my phone started to zzz zzz zzz: it went off,' Mia said.

'Well, Mia could be lying; I don't think she saw the video,' Lydia said, rolling her eyes in disbelief. 'Though the video was deleted, some still have it on their phones; if you wanted to watch it so desperately, you could have told us that instead,' she said, smiling at Mia.

'If I see the video, I will definitely show you guys,' Rachel said.

'Don't you even think that her mom is older than Monti's boyfriend? I heard her mom was young. She was twelve when she birthed monti,' Lydia stated.

'That's so ridiculous,now it's a daughter versus mom's game .' Lydia said and the laughed sarcastically

Well, I also heard that she filed an application to stay in the school hostel for the whole semester, including the holidays. The school authority agreed.

Monti walked into the school premises. It was Saturday, and the girls were expected to be asleep in their various rooms. No one was expected to enter the school classes except during prep time; she wasn't excluded, though, but one way or another, she was always permitted to enter the school premises anytime except during night hours. The school teachers understood whatever she had come to do and always left her alone; maybe they only wanted her to be happy. Everyone knows her story, and that's because of her mom. She chuckled. Sometimes, she comes to the empty classroom to cry or to talk to herself. Most times, she questions herself, 'Why was she ever born?' She walked towards her classroom, feeling frustrated and dejected; she could hear the whispers of some girls as she walked close by. She knew it was Lydia and her friends, always at the center of gossip.

She awaits the day when one of the gossips would be caught and seriously dealt with by her, while others would learn. She leaned towards the corridor of the classroom, hiding her face at the back of the door to avoid being seen. She heard what they said, and it was about her mother.

She had thought the incident between her and her mom was not as serious as other students intended; she realized it was a more complicated issue than normal.

Though to her, her mom didn't betray her; her mom was just full of life and desires to enjoy the sophisticated world. Her boyfriend, Mark, betrayed her. Sharon didn't know he was her boyfriend. She had introduced Mark to her mom as a friend, thinking that she might not approve of their relationship since she was just fifteen.

She had told some of her classmates that Mark was her boyfriend; they had gossiped about it, and that's what she wanted.

She remembered how she saw the video. People started complaining that they saw Mark together with someone online ,she became curious to know and was appalled it was her mom.

Even so, some of her mom's neighbors who heard about it said her mother shouldn't have done that to her child, stating that she should have considered her daughter's feelings, but she didn't care. She remembered when her mom asked her if it really affected her, and she replied, saying 'No.'

The incident kept ruminating in her mind, and she couldn't understand how.

Everyone in the city knows her mom; everyone knows her through her mom. They even knew her boyfriend through her mom. It all frustrates her, knowing it all comes from her mom. Her mom wasn't what people think; she was kind and jovial. The issue she has is that her desires keep eating her up, always driven by a burning determination to live freely while possessing the attitude of overlooking meaningful things. She indeed was a true lover of life.

Monti was twelve when she noticed that she might have begun to acquire most of her mom's lifestyle. She loved her mom, but she hated her lifestyle; she vowed never to live like her mom.

Tears rolling down her cheeks, she remembered her dad. Had her dad still been in the picture, her life would have been more meaningful. Her dad, Lumos, a civil engineer, lived in California.She wiped off her tears.

She lived with her dad during her childhood. When she was five, her mom left her dad and relocated to another city. Also, Lumos, because of his desire to take revenge on Sharon, ran away from his location and terminated all means of communication with his wife and only daughter. No one knew his whereabouts; some knew but only helped to worsen matters between her dad and her mom.

Until Last week, she heard that he had relocated back to Los Angeles. She didn't know where it might be and was less concerned. Perhaps since she is now fifteen, she could live a life of her own.

Her mom, who is the center of their gossip, was unemployed. Perhaps they called her a street worker; she ran a restaurant for a family friend but later became a street worker. Sharon left her husband because she thought she was too sophisticated to marry such a man. She gave him permission to marry another woman if he wanted. (Monti chuckles).

Monti loved her dad, but the last time she heard from him was when she was six years old. He sent her letters for her birthday, flowers, and gifts, but ever since then, she hasn't heard anything from him again. Existing or not, she just wished her dad hadn't left her for a sophisticated woman who had little care for her only child.

She has grown now; it wouldn't bring her back to the days when she was six, nor would it bring her father back to her. She entered the classroom, only to be surprised by the gossips' uncaring attitude. She sat down, intending to listen to whatever they had to say about her mother and her.

With burning sensations in her heart, she walked towards Lydia and began to vent her anger by squeezing Lydia's right arm.

Lydia is big; she is not as big as her. She brought her arm towards her right side, turning it over against her head, and Lydia screamed. Rachel struggled to get her grip on Monti, but it wasn't possible. Mia ran outside the classroom. Rachel widened her eyes at her friend, who ran out in fear, leaving them alone with the bully. She saw Lydia's body hit the floor; she looked into Monti's eyes and their gazes met.

'What do you say about my mother?' Monti asked.

'It wasn't me; it was Lydia,' she said, running outside the classroom and leaving Lydia alone, screaming at the top of her voice.

Monti realized someone might be coming to find out what was happening; she feared that it might be one of the school mistresses. She ran outside, following Rachel's route and left Lydia there.

Meanwhile,Rachel kept running, not knowing where she had passed; she realized Monti was following her and ran even harder.

Monti couldn't keep her pace and ran towards another classroom leading to the library. She drew a chair towards her and gasped at what she saw on the floor: a girl in seventh grade with a guy at the eleventh grade.They hastily adjusted their dresses as they ran towards the door. Monti drew the boy back and gave him two bloody slaps. The boy winced in pain and ran outside; she would get to the girl later. All she saw happening was that the girl would start to live like how her mother did: a girl at the age of twelve with a boy much older than her, and she would become a whore.

She remembered what Lydia and her friends had said, which made her vent her anger .She thought again if the girl she saw just now becomes pregnant,her daughter will live to face the deeds of her mother .

She sat on top of the school desk as Lydia's words began to ruminate inside her head.

'I heard her mother was working at a restaurant; she used her canniness to draw people's attention to her side. The owner had to hand her a resignation letter, and she left," Lydia had said.

She clasped her hand towards her face, closing her eyes in disapproval and disappointment. She stood up from the chair and walked towards the door. She passed another passage that would lead her to the front of the female hostel. She also wanted to avoid anyone's attention towards Lydia because she might have caused her physical pain.

"Hi!" Eli said.

She bumped into him as a result of being shocked; she never expected anyone to be beside her so quickly.

She sighed.

"Hi! Are you good?" he asked.

"Yes! I am. My name is Eli; I am in the eleventh grade."

"I know who you are; we worked together for the inclusive school art. Of course, how could I forget?" she replied.

'You drew a couple of paintings, remember? One was of a lady holding broken flowers. I wondered what that painting posits; you are a good artist, you know? As for me, I drew roughly; that was my first time drawing a school compound, and it didn't end as well as I thought," he said.

"You tried; it just needed some changes. I know you would have improved quite well. I didn't start as well as you have, though," she replied.

"Yeah, I thought I saw you in the sixth grade. I was coming from the school bursary," he asked.

"Not at all," she said, feeling agitated.

"I was afraid someone might have been bullied. I heard a scream, so I walked towards the class, but I saw no one!" he said.

"You went inside the class, and you saw no one. I mean, no one saw you?"

"Not at all. It was when I heard a sound from the other class that I thought it was a student. I hate people seeing me first so that I won't fall into the hands of a bully," he laughs.

"Just like me, right?"

His smile faded when he saw the seriousness of her face, trying to read her mind.

"I was only joking," he said.

He realized he could remember people calling her a bully because of her big body. He didn't know if she had ever beaten anyone, as far as he was concerned. He was sure she could beat anyone but wasn't so sure.

He had seen her once when she held a student's hand to warn him to stay away from her. He laughed again. It angered Monti; she ran away from him, running towards her hotel, which was a mile from the school itself.

Eli met her pace within a minute. It surprised her because she had thought she had run a mile already. Ashamed that she didn't even run at all, she only jogged due to her size. She giggled in embarrassment but avoided him hearing her giggle.

"My birthday is coming up this Wednesday, do you mind going out with me after school?" he asked.

"I will think about it." Surprised by the response, he scratched his head in confusion; he wasn't even asking her for a date with him .

'Are your parents restricting you from parties?'he asked.

Monti's silence made him more confused, realizing that it might make her uncomfortable. He waited until he could bring up another topic. Monti's heart began to pound fast; she did not understand whether he ever knew about her parents, especially her mom. She wondered if his ignorance about her mother made him talk to her in a jovial manner.

'Well, I would try,' she said.

Eli smiled at her reply, wishing she could certainly come and not just under the possibility.

'See you next time, bye,' he said, running off the female hostel premises to avoid any unnecessary panel meetings by the school.

He waved her goodbye a second time while running towards the school gate. She realized he had walked so far to accompany her to her hostel. She walked inside her hostel to take another long nap since it was Saturday. She walked inside her room and met her friend, also her roommate, Lucy, in her room. She had been absent from school for a whole week , surprised to see her back at school sooner than she had thought .

She ran towards her to embrace her ,lucy felt they must have really missed each other.

Lucy kissed her friend in her cheek , telling her how she had missed her , she brought her a teddy bear gift . Monti began to explain what had transpired within the whole week of her absence and how she dealt with Lydia and her friends . She dearly wished no one caught her beating her colleagues.

She cried bitterly in Lucy's arms as she drew the teddy close to her face. It was beautiful and she just realized it .She smiled at it and walked towards the mirror. When she saw her face swollen in tears ,she smiled bringing up two of her middle fingers towards her face for a pose .

Lucy laughed at Monti's naive attitude and innocence .

It was Thursday; students were closer to their final examinations already. Lucy and Monti had been reading in the school library, but it seemed it hadn't been easier for them both. Monti realized her friend had been misbehaving ever since she came back from Eli's party, while Lucy had been thinking about her fate with Eli.

Sitting beside her friend, she thought of all the possibilities that could make her friend react negatively. Then she remembered the first day they talked about Eli.

'Lucy, I want to tell you something,' she said to her friend as she played with the pink bear her friend gifted her.

'I met Eli yesterday, and he invited me to his birthday party this week on Wednesday.'

'Wow, that sounds great, but it's the week we are starting our examinations, remember?'

'Yes, I know. I will still go regardless.'

'He is a big guy, you know; everyone likes him,' Lucy stated.

'I am not interested in him; I am just interested in what the party looks like. I haven't attended any party ever since I was born except the day I was born.'She laughed.

That's ridiculous! You didn't tell me, and we have been friends for two years! Lydia said.

"That isn't my fault. I just don't like party things; it reminds me of my mom's."

"Ohhh, no wonder you are a book addict, trying so hard to be the exact opposite of your mother's life, huh?"

"Yeah."

"So what about Eli?"

"I don't know; you asked me earlier. I am not interested in him."

"He is handsome, don't you think so?"

"Very well," Monti replied.

"Well, I will follow you to the party and see what happens."

"Thanks, Lucy. That's why you are always my friend," she said.

Monti snapped back and realized that it could be possible Lucy liked Eli, but she didn't understand because it wasn't clear to her the first time they both talked about him until the day of the party.

They had both dressed well for the party. It was a short party on a Wednesday, so they had to leave as soon as the party was over because of their exams.

Monti didn't expect there to be that many people when they got to Eli's.

She saw Clara, the seventh-grade student she caught with a guy in the same grade as Eli's. Clara shyly turned her face away while running quirkily with her thin legs.

Monti's gaze met Eli; he was very handsome. What she didn't like was his tiny voice. He was too handsome to have a birdy voice.

Lucy quickly rushed towards him, abandoning her friend. Monti became embarrassed.

"Hi," Lydia said.

"Hi Lucy, hello Monti," Eli greeted.

"How are you guys doing?" He asked.

"We are doing fine, thank you," Lydia replied.

"I didn't know you guys would come; I mean, I didn't expect Monti. I knew she invited you though,' He paused looking agitated.

How did you get the address to my place, Monti?" He asked.

"Well, I saw your post on Facebook. You have many likes on your post, Eli; how did you do that?"she proposed.

"Maybe I just did it."

"Don't tell me that; you just did what? You could be a magician, you know," she said laughing to his reply.

"I would love to offer you guys a drink.

Would you like one too, Lucy?" he asked.

"I prefer Pepsi," Lucy replied.

He admiring her dress and shoes. He seemed to love her even in her robust figure, yet it embarrassed Monti once more. Lucy seemed confused.

'Did you see that, Lydia? He stared at me. That's so harsh,' she said.

It irritated her; she knew she was fat; it wasn't very appealing for someone to look at her that way.

'He looked at me like I have a juicy burger in my hand and was ready to eat it until he was done,' she said.

Lucy stared at Monti; she wanted to know what exactly she was staring at in Monti's body. Her dress was beautiful, but it didn't bring out any shape except that she was a little bit busty. She wore a free-flowing sleeveless gown.

Eli came back with two glasses in his hands. Monti realized that she didn't ask what he wanted and was curious to know what he had brought for her.

Monti's gaze met Lydia's; she was surprised to see her there. Lydia looked away as if nothing happened; she was talking with a guy. Monti looked keenly at his back; he was that same guy ,her classmate . She didn't even know his name .

'What's that guy's name?' she asked Lucy.

'you dont know his name ,Monti? .Lucy replied.

'Yes, Lucy. I can't know all of their names, you know,' she insinuated.

'Who is that guy with Lydia, and what is his name, Lucy?'

'Andrew,' Eli replied, his voice breaking, feeling envious.

'What happened to your voice just now? Are you okay?' she asked.

'Yeah, sure,' he answered.

'Excuse me, then,' Monti said as she walked towards the guy in the black hoodie and white shorts. It looked somewhat ridiculous to her; it could have been a white hoodie with black shorts. Lucy stared in surprise as she saw her friend walk off, leaving her with Eli. She thought she might have deliberately done that. She moved closer to Eli, apparently to start a discussion, but it didn't work out as she had proposed. Eli looked slightly jealous, staring at Monti, who was walking towards Andrew's side.

Lucy's eyes were filled with tears, but she couldn't cry because shemight embarrass herself. She didn't just understand why she liked him .yet, she is always restless whenever she is with Eli and it all started few months ago .

That was the first time Eli joined the school; he was in the tenth grade then. He joined the art class. Lucy had been struggling with drawing a mermaid. She didn't perfectly get the tails, and her friend seemed too concentrated on her drawings.

Eli had studied her from the back and knew what was wrong. He walked towards her and asked if he could help her.

'You are really struggling with the tails,' he said. 'Bring me a pencil; I'll draw it for you. Afterwards, you can clean it up and trace it on your own. Is that okay?'

'Absolutely, thanks!'

Lucy watched him draw the tail so beautifully; he chose a golden color, which was her favorite color. She thought he must have liked her to have helped her draw. It didn't end there. One day, Eli bumped into her; he fell down hard and wounded his wrist.

She remembered that she treated the wound. That particular incident grew her affection for him. She never knew it was all a mere coincidence, maybe a misunderstanding.

Eli noticed Lydia left Monti's side looking agitated ,he didn't understand the meaning of the fear in her eyes .

He noticed her joining her friends ; Rachel and Mia ,he also walked towards them.