MISERABLE AT BEST

***And I'll be your memories, your lullaby for all the times hoping my voice could get it right***

IT'S funny how we know what makes us miserable, yet we continue to live with it.

Perhaps, we find our challenges quite amusing or we just don't know how to win them over. Otherwise, why would we love the things that kill us? Pretty much, live for the things that's choking us to death?

I kept thinking why I put myself in such a situation that doesn't give me a choice. Well, sometimes it does when I am torn between getting up or getting fired.

For the record, I always get up. My conscience always told me that I've fought for this career, so I don't have a choice but to do what I have sworn to do.

And, this is clearly one of these days when an angel and a devil are fighting inside my head. It's killing me, considering the fact that it wasn't an hour ago since I closed my eyes to get some sleep, but had to get up because another unlucky person was in an accident.

Could people just be more careful not to get in any kind of accident and have some time to actually make themselves healthy, so I don't have to use my hands to save them?

Well, what's a doctor without a patient, right? I figured out that's how life works. Someone needs to be below, so others can go above. Sounds unfair, but what's fair in the game of life?

"Zamora, take your goddamn phone!" Lauyton, a resident like me, demanded as the phone continued to ring.

"It's not mine to take," I lazily replied.

The fur blanket, my best friend Gabriella gave me, kept me from the cold breeze of October. I don't even know why she gave me a blanket when I certainly don't need it. Well, I guess she was reminding me to get some sleep which clearly I won't be getting any time soon.

"Wake me up when September ends," Lauyton groaned as he stopped his phone from ringing. He rolled over his bed, making the top of our deck bed move a little.

"It's already October 1st," I muttered.

It wasn't only a minute when the alarm called code blue. I could only curse as I fought against my will. Why does it have to be at dawn? Doctors need sleep too.

"Now, that isn't my phone to answer," Lauyton surely said as he listened to the ringtone I set for one specific person, Dr. Sead - our fellow. I set a unique ringtone for him, so I know when not to answer my phone.

"What could possibly be wrong now?" I hissed in frustration. I counted one to five before pulling myself out of the bed.

"A vehicular accident," Loud guessed. He jumped from the top of our bed, pulled his scrubs on the clothes rack and changed his shirt.

I yawned and slapped myself twice before getting my butt out of my bed.

We dashed to the emergency room. Lauyton was right. It was a vehicular accident.

"Damn!" he reacted. "That's a lot to save!"

My eyes roamed around the scene as nurses and medics rushed more than ten people injured. Chaos were all over the place. Hospital staff were running side by side attending to patients whimpering in pain.

"What the hell happened here?" I whispered.

"Call Ortho!" The head nurse shouted while holding the leg of the guy who just came in. "I have his leg!"

Oh no.

"I need a hand in here!"

"More blood please!"

"Do we have any available beds?"

"Somebody call me Neuro!"

"Zamora! Layton! Are you just gonna stand in there?" Dr. Sead, the fellow I was talking about earlier, who has anger issues shouted at us.

"There you go!" Lauyton circled the penlight between his fingers before running to the patient.

I pulled my nude scrunchies, tied my hair, and ran to the nearest patient who started vomiting blood as soon as I reached him.

"What a beautiful thing to start the day," I shook my head, but eventually smiled.

I've been in the medical field for years, yet I'm still not used to this kind of moment. But, this is the path I've chosen. I decided to use my beautiful hands to save lives.

AFTER hours of battling inside the operating room, saving lives, I felt the starvation. I wanted to eat, but my body couldn't move. I sat on the floor along with the other residents who're also exhausted from a row of surgeries.

The acidity was rising up my esophagus, which made it hard to breathe. My hands were numb and my mouth was so dehydrated that I could also feel it in my skin.

It took me minutes before I could recharge. I went straight to the residents' quarter and washed my face that I wasn't able to do a while ago.

The fridge was empty. A sudden frustration rushed in my mind, I told the interns to pick the groceries for us and no one bothered to follow my orders.

There was no other choice but to order food, so I picked my phone and ordered a bucket of chicken.

A feeling of refreshment lingered in my throat as I drank the cold water. I rested my back on the couch and tried to find sleep when Lauyton barged in.

He relaxed his back on the couch and threw a pack of banana milk towards me. It's my favorite drink that often reminds me of the good old days.

"I'm freaking tired, but there's a good cardio case. Do you want to battle with me?"

Lauyton waved the folder piled with a medical case that he probably stole, and started saying, "It's a thoracic aortic dissection repair."

"Dr. Tan will not allow you to scrub in," I answered.

I pretended I'm not excited about the case, but my stomach is already filled with butterflies. That's one of the most dangerous surgeries that I want to try. I remembered watching the procedure when I was still an intern, and hoped that one day I will be able to get my hands on it. I always wanted to be a cardiothoracic surgeon, so if there will be a chance I'll fight for that surgery even if I don't get to sleep.

Though, there's no way they'll allow us, residents, to perform such surgery without supervision. That's a hell of a big procedure. Imagine, you are going to stop that heart from beating, and a heart-lung bypass machine will take over the heart's function and maintain the circulation then you'll replace the damaged aortic valve with a mechanical valve. Well, there's other ways to do it. Much complicated to think, maybe even complicated to do. But hell, that's fun!

"Dr. Arellano will be the assisting surgeon for that. It's obvious," I added. "So, give it back before Dr. Tan knows you stole it."

Dr. Tan is the head of cardiothoracic surgery, and knowing Lauyton stole the case without even telling him means no scrubbing inside his operating room.

"Psh! Where's the fun in that?" Lauyton sighed.

I shrugged.

I stood up and grabbed a cup of coffee to sip when the code blue rang again.

"You gotta be kidding me! I want to sleep!" I screamed in frustration as Lauyton laughed.

"We don't sleep," Lauyton smiled as he grabbed his penlight. "C'mon, let's have fun saving lives!"

And, I can only pray I still have his energy.

The medical team dashed inside the emergency room. The scream of terrors were seen in the faces of the victims as the team carried them inside. There's no fun anymore, but trauma as patients cried in pain. Death is inevitable.

I blinked in disbelief. There are more than 30 people injured or so close to death rushing inside the emergency room. It was suffocating me that I had to inhale and exhale more than twice. It's so hard to grasp.

I searched across the room, trying to determine who needs care the most when I am only a fourth-year resident and our attending surgeons were still inside the operating room because of a bus accident a while ago.

"What happened?" I ran to the medics and met the head nurse, Julia.

"It's a plane crash. The craft fell in the bottom of the bay. It's a big aircraft that holds more than 500 people. Victims that are not trauma or critical were rushed to other hospitals. We got more than 50 patients coming in, and also the captain of the plane is on his way here. He's critical. It took them hours before they could revive his body from the bay," Nurse Julia explained as fast as she could while both of us were checking the patients one by one.

"Same with the co-pilot and three flight attendants," she added.

"What a day!" I sighed. "Okay, let's do this!" I tied my hair and thought of a plan, yet there's no plan, just do as much as we could to save the one who needs saving.

I ordered the interns and the other lower years to see the other patients that aren't critical as we wait for the captain and the others. Professor Argazon, the head of General Surgery is still in the operating room with Dr. Sead. That's when I realized there's no available attending surgeon since most of them were still in the operating room.

Don't tell me I need to operate on my own? I mean, I do a lot of operations, but I'm still a resident who needs supervision from the attending. I've done solo surgeries, but they're not major surgeries, so I am hoping I don't get to do a major one. No, erase that! Let me get a major surgery. It's a big break and I know Lauyton was also thinking of the same thing. I will never lose to him! Hah!

After a minute, the ambulance parked outside the emergency room. We ran to meet them. They pulled the stretcher out as the rescue team started telling their situation.

"I'll get this," Lauyton said. "Get the captain. They called saying he's in an asystole."

"What? That's freaking the most serious cardiac arrest," I whispered to myself. It means that there's no tissue contraction from the heart muscle, so there's no blood flow to the rest of the body, which also means he's near to death - well means he's just waiting for the angel of death to fetch him.

Why the hell did the plane crash? It's not everyday a plane crashes.

"He's in V-fib!" The rescuer shouted while still doing CPR. They pulled the stretcher out.

"We need to warm him up!" I ordered. "Let's get him inside-- Oh my God!" I gasped.

I froze.

My body suddenly lost its motion. I was paralyzed.

There was screaming, yet I couldn't hear them. It felt like the world was shut down for a minute as I watched him lying on the bed.

I closed my eyes and prayed that I was only dreaming. Maybe, I was only imagining his body lying on the bed because I missed him, and I always remember him whenever a plane crossed in the sky. Yet, when I opened my eyes, tears fell.

My lips started to tremble as I stared at his cold and drenched body. I screamed in my head, but the words were empty. The wind babbled through my ears, whispering terrors. My knees started to weaken, as the reality pierced deep into my heart.

"Dr. Zamora! Dr. Zamora!" They shouted my name. "What are you doing?" They tapped my shoulder, but I remained stationary.

The familiar smell of saltwater crawled in my skin as memories kept flashing back.

It was at that moment I knew I'm miserable at best.

The eyes are the most fascinating part of the body. We rely on them every day, yet we don't really know much about them. There are a thousand reasons why I find the eyes the most wonderful organs in our body, but my favorite of all, is everytime the light touches the iris of my eyes every day.

The ability to wake up and see the beauty of the world after a long deep sleep has always been one of the miracles we often took for granted. I hate to admit it, but it's true.

I'm not a morning person. I hate waking up in the morning and battling with the cold water to wake my senses. But, being a high school student whose school lies far away from their house, morning is the greatest enemy, especially when the alarm hits five o' clock.

The breakfast was already ready when I went inside the kitchen after preparing myself for the day. The housekeepers were the ones who prepared our breakfast, which includes: pancake, fresh milk, bacon, eggs, and lots of fruits that I never really bothered eating. For the record, I want soup for breakfast. And, breakfast stopped being a must since my brother died. He was always the one who scolded me for not eating one, now that he's gone, I miss him every time I wake up. Eating breakfast alone makes me sad too.

My parents were still asleep in their room and the dawn was almost breaking when I got outside of our house. I don't drive, so I usually ride the bus going to school which is a two-hour trip, excluding the traffic.

Totally sucks!

I am so grateful to the one who invented music because I would literally die of boredom without it, even though I only listen to one band which is the Mayday Parade -- an American rock band from Florida that I had discovered because of my deceased brother - Zon.

My inside cells were already dancing to the beat of the song Miserable at Best as I watched the bus slowly move across the roads. It'd definitely take a while before I reached the school.

The conductor kept on calling passengers without realizing the bus was already full. He couldn't even smell his own breath while trying to cross between people standing in the middle of the bus.

Some motorists don't know how to give way and act like they own the road. Traffic sucks! It's an everyday struggle I would never get used to. I'm often caught in the traffic even if I woke up before five o' clock, so I'm always doomed because my class starts at seven in the morning. It's now thirty-minutes after seven.

I already missed the first class which is Math. My adviser, and also Math teacher, is probably cursing me right now because I've missed a lot of activities and quizzes for the first quarter.

Why is even math my first class? It's not motivating, especially when I hate the subject. I'm one of those intelligent kiddos who never excelled in math. I was sleeping when God poured knowledge in Math.

"You're late," Charish, our class president, told me as soon as I stepped inside the room. "Our adviser is looking for you." She handed me an envelope before going back to her seat.

I kept it inside my bag because I know it's a letter to my parents. I need to go home early later and prepare for what they will say. I'm ready to be scolded, if that's the only way for them to notice me again.

I died too when my brother died.

"Stuck in the traffic," I replied. It's my everyday reason that would make all my teachers roll their eyes.

"We told you, Zee. Get a home near here, so you'll be able to attend our math class," Gabriella, my best friend, uttered as soon as I sat in my chair.

She turned to me as she combed her long hair. Gab, her nickname, removed her eyeglass. She rolled at me which made her eyes narrowed even more.

"I'll think about it," I frowned. I actually thought about it since we left the town and moved into our current hometown. I thought I would be able to survive the distance, yet I was wrong.

"You can live with us," Gab offered. "Our families are best of friends. At least, it's only an hour drive."

Gab turned to me and laid her chin on the back of his chair.

I was sitting in the back row, and she was in front of me. It has always been like that since seventh grade, for I am Zee Zamora, and she's Gabriella Tan. Blame the alphabet for A will always be the first, and Z will always be the last. Sometimes I wish I could even sit in front, but I love the back row because I can pretend I'm listening when I'm not.

"Where's Zack?" I asked Gab when I saw the vacant seat beside me. "I need to copy his math homework."

Zack Zendaya is my guy best friend and my constant seatmate since seventh grade. He's also close to Gab, so basically they're my closest friends. He excelled in a lot of things, making people envy him, especially when he never put effort in studying at all. He's that amazing!

"Football duties," Gab answered.

"Oh, right," I remembered. "Today's the start of the orientation for varsity players. Why aren't you there?"

Gab frowned. "I love volleyball, but I hate orientations. It's only for freshies, so I decided to skip it. After all, I'm not the captain unlike Zack."

"You got a point in there," I said

"How about you?"

"I still need to get the certificate and approval before I could dive to the team again," I sighed.

I was a part of the swimming varsity team, but I stopped last year due to a car accident. It didn't only fractured my body physically, but also emotionally since my brother died and I lived.

He died saving me. There are times when I think if I am really worth saving.

The rest of the day went on with us - or maybe just me, pretending that I am listening to our lesson when my mind is floating somewhere. We finished mundane tasks until the bell rang, the sweetest music I always want to hear when I'm inside the classroom.

"Got to go to practice. Are you sure you don't want my driver to drive you home?"

"It's okay. I'm already used to commuting," I answered.

"Duh! It's tiring. You should ask for a driver," she whined.

"I don't need one," I assured her. I never really needed one because my brother was always the one who picked me up after school. He died, and I had to learn how to commute, alone.

I cried the first time, but I saw things I've missed about life when I started to mingle with people who spend all their time riding on buses or taxis.

"Okay. Take care! Text me when you get home!" Gab waved and ran to the court as I headed to the gate.

I am not yet part of the varsity team, so I can go home early. The rest of the varsity players usually stay for the night training. Our school focuses not only on academics, but also when it comes to sports.

People were lined up while waiting for the bus. The last trip on my way home will arrive in twenty-minutes, so I still have time to spare. I sat on the vacant seat and browsed my phone.

"Uh," I reacted. "Where's my earphones?" I panicked.

I opened my bag and searched every pocket, but it's not there. I used it during our sports class and I can't remember if I put it inside my pocket, so I immediately went back to school.

Varsity teams were running when I passed by the oval. I caught a glimpse of Gab and she tried to call me, but I didn't have time to stop. I ran as fast as I could until I saw a group of nuns walking towards the church. And, I know I have to stop when the bell rings for Angelus.

I spent the entire minute thinking of my earphones while the prayer still continued. Studying in a Dominican School made me hate twelve o' clock, three o' clock, and six o' clock. I'm not that religious or maybe I started hating it when He let my brother die.

Finally, the prayer is done.

The sun was already set when I reached the hallway of our building. Only a few students were scattered in the building for club activities or projects. I know my classmates already headed home, so I was really surprised when I saw him inside the room.

Aae Agoncillo.

Aae was leaning on the teacher's table. His right hand was tossing the hardball up in the air while his left hand was holding the baseball bat. He caught the ball in mid-air when he sensed my presence.

He turned to me with his plain yet gentle look. His almond-eyes were always inviting since I first laid my downturned eyes on them. It felt like I'd seen them before. They're enticing that I always thought they don't fit his serious look.

I made a smile that didn't reach my eye and ignored him as I always did. We never spoke. We never had the chance to talk about stuff unless school-related. We acknowledged each other by a simple nod and a slight smile every time we met in the hallway or inside the room.

He seemed distant towards others and usually spent his vacant hours reading novels. I also loved to read books. If I am only friendly enough to talk to him, we'd be close. But, A is a mile away from Z. Think of the alphabet. There's no chance for an A to be close with Z, well if they took another way, why not?

I went straight to my seat when I remembered why I came back. I tried to hide the annoyance in myself when I couldn't find my earphones. As a sign of frustration and exhaustion, I tied my hair with my favourite scrunchie.

"Hey, what are you looking for?" The air brought the chocolate scent of his breath towards me as he spoke. I saw him drinking a chocolate bottle.

It wasn't the first time I heard his soft voice, but it was the first time he ever talked to me.

Oh, wait, it's the second time around. I remembered the first time was during our Religious class last month. Aae told me what I should do for our class project because he was our leader.

I don't know what's with me that he never bothered or at least tried to reach me out. It was kind of weird that I was the only one in class he's not talking to.

Am I grumpy? Or, maybe he didn't want to be close to me. Though, not a problem. I just felt awkward with the vibe and look he gave me.

"Oh, I lost my earphone," I replied. "By any chance, have you seen it?"

"No," he answered.

"Ah okay." I nodded. "I'll go ahead and look." I pulled my backpack and walked behind him.

"Would you mind if I join you? I mean, help you?" He tilted his head. It was a gesture of his I recognized whenever he was thinking during class recitations.

He gazed at my puzzled look when he added, "Uhm well if it's okay."

"Ah no thanks, I'll look for it myself. You should go home since it's getting late."

I hastily went out of the room.

I was too busy remembering the places where I could have dropped it, that's why I didn't notice him following me. It was when we're already at the bleachers when I felt his presence. But, I decided to ignore him.

There was no trace of my earphone in the bleachers. I cursed at myself. I have had that earphone for a couple of years. I don't have any spare because I felt like betraying it if I used another. It sounded crazy, yet when I have this thing, I would not look for another. I would have it for the rest of my life as long as it was not broken or lost.

It was a memoir from my brother who passed away. It was his last gift for me. We used it everytime we listened to our favorite songs, so I couldn't ignore the fact that I lost it. It's the only thing I have that is truly close to having my brother beside me.

"Did you find your earphones?"

The cold wind was blowing his curled bangs, and I saw the irritation as Aae tried to put them into place. I used to admire his curls since not all boys with waved hair could flaunt them well.

"Ah, no," I answered. I'm not in the mood to talk, but I don't want to be rude since he was the one making an effort to reach out.

"Hmm, how does it look?" he asked as he opened his bag. "Like this?"

"Hey, yeah," I automatically answered.

Aae curled his lips. "Then, you can have it." He gently pulled my hand. I jerked as our palms pressed against each other.

"But, this is not mine," I protested.

"It's yours. I found that during our sports class. Sorry if I made you look for it if I have it already."

"No." I shook my head. "This is not mine," I insisted on giving it back to him, but he pushed my hand away.

"It's yours. Believe me." He placed his hand on both sides of his pocket. "Keep it and go home. It's getting late. You'll miss the bus. Take care!"

I was about to say something when he ran away. I stared at the earphone. I could say it's mine. It's like my customized earphone, but the letter engraved on the two sides of the ear pod said it was Aae's.

There was some sort of miracle the next day, I wasn't late. I was so early that when I went inside our room, only one student was sitting comfortably in his armchair. His eyes were closed while listening to my favorite song titled I swear this time I mean it.

It was Aae.

I nibbled my lower lip as I tried finding flaws in his features. His eyes and complexion were those of Chinese. From what I recalled in his introduction, he was also half-Chinese. But it was too ideal, I scolded myself a little for staring too much.

Waking up earlier than usual was not a waste, after all. My classmates were always talking about Aae being the first one to arrive in our class. I envied Aae. I wish to see the sunrise, but I choose sunset anytime.

"I believe you have something that's mine, and I have something that's yours. Care to exchange?" I greeted him with those words as soon as his hazelnut eyes met mine.

He raised an eyebrow. There was a mixture of puzzled amusement in his expression when he straightened up from his seat.

Why do I feel nostalgic with those pairs of eyes? Where could I've seen them?

The music over his phone continued to play as he spoke, "I don't have yours, you have mine. How about you just keep it?" His breath smelled of chocolates. I playfully considered tasting it but realized it was out of my character.

"It's yours from this day onwards."

"I know it is just an earphone. No big deal," I muttered. But, I was one of those people who cannot live without earphones or music to be exact. I used to count everything through songs. Songs are like my clock.

"I went to school this early to give it back to you, hoping you'll have mine, and you'll give it back," I pleaded even if I wasn't sure about it.

"How do you know I have your earphone? I'm actually giving mine to stop you from looking." He seems annoyed.

"It's important to me. It has value more than you think so if you have it -"

He cut me off. "I don't have it. I saw you used it during sports class, so I assumed you lost it and I gave you my earphones hoping you wouldn't notice the difference."

"How will I not be able to notice your name engraved thereon?" I rolled my eyes out of annoyance.

"Just like you don't notice me every day, Ms. Zamora," he uttered as he turned off the music on his phone.

"Keep it until you find yours. I have another pair, so you don't have to worry." He tilted his head a little. "Someone told me we lost some things to welcome great beginnings."

He stood from his seat. I had to lift my head a little as I leveled an inch below his broad shoulder. At a young age, he already developed a muscular body. He must be athletic. Oh, right! He plays baseball.

I was stunned for a moment when the aroma of sweets lingered around me, so it wasn't only his breath. He must have bathed his cloth with chocolate fragrance.

Aae was halfway out when he stopped, and for the first time, he faced me with a beaming smile. "I never thought I could be the reason you're not late. May I be the reason every day?" His chuckle echoed in the room.

***Can't you tell I haven't slept very well since the last time that we spoke?***

"Woah, wait!" Zack's baritone voice echoed inside the room. He looked baffled as he turned to his silver watch. He ran from the field which made his breathing unstable as he spoke, "Wow, you're early, Zeekie!"

Zack made a sour face as sweat cooled on his thick brows down to his full lips. I could smell the scent of fields and grass when he positioned himself below the air conditioner. His wet look made him more manly than ever. I was busy staring at the veins that form in his arms when I heard him chuckle.

"Quit staring, Zeekie. I might fall."

Zack thick eyebrows met above his pointed nose, and a devilish smile formed his lips.

"Stop calling me Zeekie!" I rolled my eyes. "My name is Zee Katie Liu Zamora. Stop mixing Zee and Kie from Katie, Zacky!" I emphasized the last word.

"I'm Zack Jersey Mendoza Zendaya. Stop calling me Zacky!" He imitated my voice before laughing his ass out. He's my best friend since seventh grade, and sometimes I don't know why.

After cooling, he placed his bag in the seat beside me. "What makes you early today?"

"Why, can I not be early?"

"Why? Can I not be early?" he mimicked my voice. He loved to do that every day. I eyed him as he laughed.

"Are you going to start your training?" he asked.

"Yeah, though, I still need to go to the hospital for my check-up," I replied.

"Great then. I'm so excited to see you in your swimsuit again."

"Pervert!" I stuck my tongue out.

"What?" He widened his eyes. "I'm really happy you'd be back after a year and what happened," he said seriously. "Your brother would love to see you get that gold medal again."

The memories of the car accident started to flash in my mind again. My heart ached knowing I would live each day without my brother telling how proud he is of me. I would trade anything just to have him again.

"You can do it!" Zack cheered. "Wait, did you already find a house to rent?"

"Yeah, I'll be moving later to my Aunt's house," I said. "It's a five-minute walk to school."

"Nice. Is it free?"

"Yes, but I have to do chores and pay for the bills."

"That's good. You don't need to travel two to three hours."

I agreed.

I spent my entire childhood in this town, growing up with Gab and some of my classmates now. There's a lot of memories I couldn't let go of in this town, especially in the house where I grew up. But, we have to move on. Life moves on.

When my brother died, my parents decided to sell the house and move into another town to forget. They just can't bear the pain of still living in our old house filled with happy memories of my brother. It was a loss we never expected to happen, and the death we will forever mourn.

That's the reason why I had to travel for hours to reach our school. It was the consequence my parents gave me because I don't want to transfer to another school. I was surviving until my math teacher made me realize she will drop me from the subject the next time I miss it. Also, I'm back to the swimming team so I really have to stay for morning and evening practice.

"By the way, you owe me," Zack said after a while. He opened his backpack and handed me the paper with his name. "That's the 10th activity in math."

"Uh!" I scratched my head. "Right, I missed all nine activities. Help me with that, please?" I pouted. "Why do we even have to study math?" I whined.

"C'mon, math is fun if you try to love it," he replied. It's a lie. I have been finding the word fun in math since seventh grade but got no luck.

"Just copy the answer and not my name," he added.

"Are you sure this is right - ouch!" He knocked on my head. I was about to hit him back when he ran towards the door.

"You jerk!" I yelled.

"Baka!" he yelled back. It means idiot in Japanese. We both liked watching anime, so we used it as our expression.

"You know how awesome I am with numbers!" Zack shouted from behind the door.

"I know, idiot," I told myself. "You won't be our Math Wizard for nothing."

"Get the rest of the activity to Aae. He has all the copies." He waved mid-air before running outside to change into his uniform. He needs a shower.

Aae stared at me and it was awkward. Sometimes, he gave me creeps and I don't know why. I always sensed he wanted to say something to me, yet couldn't find the words. I wondered what's inside his mind as he stared. His eyes felt nostalgic.

"Hey!" I stopped when my classmates started to enter. They raised their eyebrows while checking their watch. It was a miracle to see me listening to math lectures.

"Finally, you're early!" Chad reacted. He's also a childhood friend of mine, same with Geralt who seconded the motion.

"By the way, we have recitation in Math!" Charish announced.

I cursed in my mind. "Uh. I hate it. I still have to take all the quizzes!" I reacted and continued copying Zack's answer.

"You're early?" Gab wondered as she entered the room five minutes before the bell. She dropped her bag to get her comb. Gab's long silky coal-black hair wasn't tousled, yet she has a habit of combing it to set her mood.

"We said that a while ago," Charish uttered and the rest of my classmates agreed.

"Whatever!" I frowned. I focused my attention on the activity sheets. Why is there so much solution for one question? Ugh!

"Is that Zack's activity sheet?" Gab sat beside me and started copying it. My classmates also started gathering in front of us to check if they had the same answer as Zack.

"Damn!" I heard Chad reacted upon looking at his activity sheets. "Zack is so damn amazing!"

"How was he able to solve the last number?" Charish added. "I need his brain."

"We all need his brain," Gab agreed. So did I.

I missed math lectures for a month, so it was my first time listening to lessons. I thought I was going to get bored like all the math classes I attended in my entire life.

I was wrong. Who would get bored if two Math Wizards - Zack and Aae, used the whole hour to compete for math problems? Of course, we were all happy because they took all the recitation problems and we just watched them. Bravo!

I know how genius Zack is when it comes to Math, so I was shocked to see someone who could actually compete with him. Honestly, nothing could beat him in numbers since seventh grade. It's not only inside our class, but in the entire high school department.

"Wow," I whispered to Gab in front of me. "Aae was also good in Math. Finally, someone can actually beat Zack."

"Yes, he is good," Gab nodded. "But no," She showed me her notebook which includes tallied scores of Zack and Aae from Day 1. "Zack's always one-point lead."

"Woah! That's my best friend! I'm proud of you!" I whispered to myself as I looked at Zack. He met my eyes and grinned.

"Amazed?" he asked as he sat beside me.

I told him I wasn't amazed, but my eyes couldn't lie.

THE whole cafeteria was filled with students roaming around to grab lunch. The smell of different dishes was making me full even though I haven't eaten yet. After the twelve o' clock prayer, we queued for the line. I had a hard time choosing my lunch because I wanted to taste them all, but afraid I wouldn't be able to finish it. Although our meal is free it would still be a waste.

"I'll skip the afternoon class," I told Gab as soon as we sat on our usual table. "Coach Chris told me to visit the university hospital before joining the training again."

Zack followed us and placed his meal beside mine.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"It's Tuesday," he replied as he smelled the curry. "I promise to eat with you during Tuesdays and Thursdays, so you won't miss me much."

Zack grabbed the spoon, smelled his curry again, and widely opened his mouth to savor the taste of his favorite dish.

"Who says we're gonna miss you?" I abruptly replied.

"You're the one who misses Zee," Gab added with a mischievous smile.

Her smile proved she had something going on in her mind again. Probably, thinking about how perfect Zack and I are together. She always teased us. She kept on insisting that we both like each other and were just afraid to lose the friendship.

I always shrugged the thought. I don't want to think about it. Zack is one of the few people I don't want to lose, so I'm okay with being his best friend if it means staying with him forever.

"Nah, she's the one who misses me," Zack muttered while chewing the meat inside his mouth. His white teeth were covered with green curry paste when he grinned at me. I almost vomited upon seeing how disgusting he is. But, I'll say he's still handsome.

"Baka!" I hissed. "No one's gonna miss you."

"You're gonna miss me when I'm gone," he cheerfully sang the line.

"Whatever!" I rolled my eyes. "Just eat!"

Zack laughs pierced through his deep gray eyes.

I hate how he often laughs at me, yet it's a lullaby that always completes my day.

"You two look good together." Gab amusingly turned to us. She placed her elbow on the table and laid her chin on her knuckles as she continued surveying us.

"As if," Zack and I replied, which made Gab giggled an evil laugh. She completely stopped when I gave her a deadly stare.

After filling my stomach, I opened the can of coffee. It wasn't a pleasant idea to drink coffee, but I felt the need to energize.

"Anyway, did you find your earphones?" Gab asked.

I was about to answer when Zack grabbed the can from me. I took a deep breath when I saw him opening it.

"No," I answered after taking a sip. "But, Aae lent me his earphone. It looks the same as mine."

"Aae did?" A sudden shock registered in Gab's voice. She adjusted her eyeglass and tried to find Aae in the crowd before turning to us. "Why would Aae lend his earphone to you? Are you even close?"

"I wanted to give it back to him, but he told me to keep it," I almost shouted when Zack grabbed the can. "Jerk! If you want my coffee, you can ask!"

He pouted. "Here." He handed me the empty can.

"What is wrong with you, Zacky?" I asked in annoyance. "You don't even enjoy cold coffee."

"Ah, Zack. Why not just say you like her, huh?" Gab sternly looked at Zack.

The bell rang before Zack could even acknowledge the question. I doubt if he'd answer it thoughtfully. I knocked him in his head before running out of the cafeteria. I overheard him scream as Gab's laugh echoed. I waved mid-air before dashing out.

After a long walk from the cafeteria, I found Aae sitting on the bench. Coach Chris asked me to accompany him to the university hospital.

He was biting the straw of his chocolate drink while his left-hand was tossing the hardball in mid-air. He quickly sipped his chocolate drink before throwing it in the nearby can.

The baseball team's exclusive varsity hoodie jacket fitted him well enough that I would think he's always been part of the team if I hadn't known he's a transferee. I wondered how amazing he is in playing baseball because the team made an exception. Varsity players were chosen from seventh grade to eighth grade. Those were the only chances to join any sports team, so Aae must be an ace player for the baseball team to choose him even if he's already graduating.

"How long will it take us to go there?" he asked when we reached the main road.

I felt a bit awkward. I don't know how to manage a reserved person. I sucked at starting conversations and usually ran out of words.

"Hmm, it usually takes five to six songs when I walk, and just one song if I'm riding the tricycle," I casually replied.

There was a disturbing silence as his almond-eyes inched a little.

"Why? Aren't - oh!" I realized what I said. "Sorry, I mean fifteen to eighteen minutes if we walk, and just around three minutes if we ride the tricycle."

"Yeah. I didn't know you also count through songs." He slightly tilted his head.

It wasn't my idea. I learned it from a boy when I was in sixth grade. As I remembered, the boy was a baseball player in the rival school. I couldn't picture his face right, but I remembered his long hair. I asked him how long it would take me to reach the school, and he replied using songs. It was weird back then, though I realized it's unique, so I started doing it. I could no longer remember his face. I wonder where he is right now.

"C'mon, let's go to the tricycle station," I decided. I saw drops of crystal across his forehead due to the warm rays of the sun. His white complexion was slowly turning into pinkish the more we stayed in the scorching heat.

"No," he replied with a turn on his head. He brought out his phone, inserted the earphone, and started browsing. "We're walking."

"Are you sure?" I raised an eyebrow. I walked from school to the university hospital, but it's past one in the afternoon. I could already feel the taste of sweat in my nape down to my back. You gotta be kidding me!

"Yeah." He unzipped his backpack to offer his umbrella. "Let us see if it will take five to six songs." He flashed a smile. "Care to lead the way?" He gestured his hand in front before pulling his hoodie jacket.

When we reached the hospital, Aae checked his phone, "That's the sixth song."

My inner thoughts said, "Of course, why doubt? I've been doing that for the last few years."

I went to see my therapist on the fourth floor, so we parted on the third floor. I saw him entering the Ophthalmology Department.

Why is he going there?

I wanted to ask him after seeing our school doctor but chose not to. I don't want to be nosy knowing we're not close.

"Thanks," he uttered as we arrived at the school. I nodded and went our separate ways. There was no point in talking to someone who's not interested in knowing you. But still, a little effort since we're classmates.

Why does he seem to hate me when he likes everyone in our class?

After practice, I stayed at the pool since I missed it.

I liked the idea of not having to think about missing the bus or arriving late at home due to traffic. I only have to think about how to survive because I know nothing about cooking. I thought of eating at fast-food chains or buying a lot of instant foods today for my dinner when Zack arrived.

I was done with my shower and already brushing my hair while Zack is still wearing his jersey. He greeted me with a smile that never actually left his face. He's always fun and happy to be with and being with him made me forget that I'm sad.

"My mother brought a packed dinner because I'm staying late. I'm sharing this with you because," He pointed his index finger at me. "You look like you'll die of starvation," he joked.

"You're so thin." He stuck his tongue out. "I can lift you in one hand."

"If you want to share food, you can say it without insulting me."

He laughed. I rolled my eyes.

"You know, I was born to make you roll your eyes." He winked at me. I acted like I was about to vomit.

"Why are you staying late?" I asked as we shared the food. "Wow, Tita Zania's the best," I added.

Tita Zania is Zack's mother, who is a chef. His family owned restaurants and food establishments around the country. They're rich though he never bragged about it. I think they also owned five-star hotels and gasoline stations.

"Coach got mad at one of my teammates for being late," he replied. "How's the pool?"

"Well..." I started and just like every day, Zack listened to me. I am always grateful for his presence. He's my ride or die, though I would never tell him that.

Zack escorted me out of the main gate after we ate. "I'm so full," I reacted. "I missed your banana cupcakes. Please, bring me some," I requested. Their banana cupcakes were the best in town. My brother used to bring me those when he was still alive which made me miss him again.

"Sure," he nodded. "Oh, wait. Look above!" He pointed up at the sky. I stood in awe as the stars formed their lines around the moon.

"Wow!" I smiled.

"Good night, Zeekie!" He brushed my hair and a sudden bolt ran through my veins.

"Uh, you are ruining my hair," I whined.

His chuckle disturbed the calmness of the night.

IT took me two songs to reach the house by foot. My mother told me to look for a Victorian style house. It was easy finding it across the streets because it was the only house that featured the said style.

I was not sure if it was the Italianate or Queen Anne style. The house had a low-pitched roof contrary to our high ceiling at home. The walls made of bricks were painted blue. There were eaves, and tall windows highlighted the house. It's symmetrically balanced with a porch.

The unique features resembled the house in horror movies. But I was reminded of Baker Street in London.

It crept me out a bit.

I couldn't remove the thought of ghosts in my head. What will I do? Why is it so dark inside? Why are there no lights?

Aunt Annly, my mother's cousin who owned the place, worked as an anesthesiologist across town. She spent days at home and worked at night. Could it be because of a ghost roaming around her house?

The house looks abandoned. I don't know if my housemate was already inside. My mother informed me, and I was surprised to know I will be living with a guy. It's awkward, but my mother assured me she knows the guys' family background. I just hope he's not as creepy as this house.

I rang the doorbell twice and waited.

"Wow!" I initially reacted upon seeing the blue lights surrounding the house. There were lamps symmetrically arranged on the sides of the aisle going to the porch, which was adjacent to where I was standing.

It felt like London, though I've never been.

My thoughts were busy admiring the structures, finally ditching the idea of ghosts inside when the main door creaked.

The breeze rapidly brought the chocolate scent to my senses as he walked towards me.

I blinked twice upon seeing his puzzled look.

Aae?